Toshiro found himself in the middle of some place he didn't recognize without his Soul Reaper equipment to step into the sky and look around. If only Urahara hadn't took it in the name of vacation. This was stupid. If they hadn't forced him to come on vacation none of this would have ever happened. He wouldn't feel betrayed, he wouldn't have embarrassed himself by being overly emotional, he wouldn't have ruined the Kurosaki family dynamic, and he most certainly wouldn't be lost like a common human being with no sense of direction.
He sighed and tried to sense spiritual pressure but he could only find his own. He started to make excuses in his head about how he probably just was too far away, or maybe the gigai he was in was tweaked to shut out spiritual powers...but he knew-he knew it was just because he was too upset to function correctly. If Toshiro was honest with himself he kind of felt like he was going to throw up. And he really really didn't like the fact that everything around him seemed to be abandoned.
He paced back and forth for a few minutes trying to debate with himself about whether or not he could find his way back based on the direction he came from. All of the run was blurry so the answer was probably no but that only left him with one other option unless he wanted to stay the night in the run down streets of the sketchy parts of Karakura and that option was more embarrassing than his previous outburst. He pinched the bridge of his nose trying not to stress out and took out his phone. Before he even realized he had dialed the number, Karin's voice was speaking on the other side, "Toshiro! Where'd you go? We went looking for you but we can't find you. Are you okay? Ichi-nii's really worried about you."
He felt the sides of his mouth curl slightly upwards in a sad sort of way. He knew just as well as she did that she was trying to tell him that she was worried about him, "Karin hush. I can't answer any of those questions with anything but 'I don't know.' I'm lost and I figured you probably know your way around better than I do. Everything looks abandoned where I'm at."
"You can't just step out of your body and get a better view?"
"No, they took my soul candy and badge. All I know is I don't know where I am."
"Okay well stay there and stay on the phone with me so if you get kidnapped or something we know to call the police."
He blinked, "That's not very comforting. Can you feel my spiritual pressure? I can't feel yours. So, I thought maybe we were just too far away."
"I can a little bit but it's very vague and really far away. But you should definitely be able to feel mine if I can feel yours."
"Ah. Maybe it's the gigai."
"New one?"
"You could say that. So your brother is worried about me?"
"Yeah actually I wasn't just saying it to hide something. He's kind of panicky actually. It's almost like a parent whose lost their baby due to some brief moment of negligence"
Toshiro scoffed, "I'm older than him."
And for a brief moment he could hear Ichigo on the other line, "It isn't like that at all I'm just worried he's sadder than he lets on. I was there when Kusaka came back and he's not pretty when he tries to handle things on his own."
Toshiro nodded in agreement but didn't say anything. Instead, he waited for Karin to speak again trying to focus on her instead of how right Ichigo was, "Ichigo says you're pretty."
He rolled his eyes. Of course that's what she would deduct from that when she was trying to avoid the topic. Ichigo yelled on the other side of the line, "I did not!"
Toshiro didn't laugh, "Is that his opinion or it it yours?"
He heard her stutter on the other line without forming coherent words for a long time and for some reason that made him think about why he was lost in the first place. He felt his throat clench up as he tried to tell her what was going on, "Your dad, he told me...he told me..."
"I know."
And that was the end of his control. Putting one hand over his mouth to muffle his breathing, Toshiro let the tears fall. He didn't know why he felt the way he did. It was a long time ago and it shouldn't have been that big of a deal but to him it was. Maybe just maybe somewhere in the back on his mind he knew. He knew it was because it meant that he obviously didn't matter to someone he thought cared about him. Or because he sat for years in the Captain chair sure that Captain Shiba would come back and make everything normal again...and maybe he was just a little bit happy in the middle of all the depression to know that his Captain was alive instead of gone forever.
But that would be weird wouldn't it? Allowing Shiba to act like he had before without some sort of protest, he couldn't do then it hit him why he was so upset. It was because in some incredibly twisted and stupid way he had been replaced, by actual children instead of some sort make believe strangely father-son like bond. Some part of the back of his mind was jealous of Ichigo and Karin and Yuzu.
So, he put his face in his hand and tried to unstupidfy his twisted emotions. He was being immature and every part of the whole situation was making him more"Toshiro? You still there?"
His voice broke when he responded, "I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"I'm being stupid."
"No, you're being normal for once in a lifetime."
He shook his head and sighed, "I'm being selfish."
"Everyone is at some point."You don't understand, I..."
"I don't need to understand. All we both need to know at this point is that there are enough people in the world that care about us that we care about too that everything evens out. There is no use in feeling alone when there are other people out there."
"But that's..."
"Not a hard concept. So be calm and don't worry about it. We are pretty close now."
Toshiro wiped his eyes with his sleeve. He knew she meant close in distance but he had something else in mind, "Yeah I know."
Hi guys this isn't as good as I hoped it would be but that's what happens when you are brain dead. Anyway tell me what you think!
