Thanks, you guys who've wished me better. It made me smile, but I'm still not alright. Thanks, and be aware that these chapters may not be up to par. If I look back on them later, I might do a little revision. Yea….thanks.

Roxas groaned as he stretched his tense muscles out. The room was lit by the sunshine pouring in through the window on the far side of the room. He was face-down on his pillow, face and arms sticky, with a blanket pulled over his back. As an attempt to wake himself, the blond inhaled deeply through his nose, smelling that wafting aroma he knew so well from the other side of the room.

It didn't even take a second before Roxas bolted upright in his bed, remembering exactly whose scent that was. It was unmistakable, that mixture of sandalwood, spearmint, and black cherry, it distinctly belonged to Axel.

And since he hadn't even had a blanket when he cried himself to sleep, that meant only one thing. Axel had to have seen that he was crying. Well, he had certainly made a lovely 'first' impression. Now that stupid red head probably wanted nothing to do with him. Great.

Said red head walked through the door at that moment, holding a plate in his hand. At first, his expression was somber, but as soon as he laid his eyes on Roxas, a smile broke out on his face.

"Glad to see you up, Roxas. I thought maybe you weren't feeling well, so I talked to the counselors and brought some breakfast down for you," he murmured, voice soft and cool as silk. Roxas blinked a few times, just to make sure he wasn't dreaming. Axel was actually….concerned? No, that couldn't make any sense. Axel still didn't even remember him, so he really couldn't worry about a person he'd met for all of five minutes.

"Um, Roxas? Do I need to go get a nurse or something?" The red head asked, his voice breaking the silence. Startled, Roxas remembered Axel was still in the room. He tried speaking to Axel in a normal voice.

"No, I'm not sick Axel. Thank you," he sighed, taking the plate full of food from Axel's thin hands. It was as normal a voice as he could muster, but to Axel it still sounded broken and hurt. The sound made his stomach churn and his heart wrench, but he shrugged it off as normal behavior. After all, this kid had been crying, so how could anyone just walk away?

Axel sat down on the bed next to the thin boy, surveying him. He was looking down at the food, chewing slowly and as if it were a forced action. Suddenly Roxas felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Do you want to talk about it? I mean…Nam is really worried about you. And if you're a friend of hers, you're a friend of mine," he whispered. Roxas' blue eyes stung at that statement. He still didn't remember anything, but he was acting like his old self again. He felt his lips tremble before the tremors started, and then his breath became shallow.

He squeezed his eyes shut, trying his best not to cry. Failing, the fat tears spilled down his cheeks. Roxas clamped his teeth down hard on his lip to stop himself from sobbing while Axel's hand rubbed gently on his back.

"Don't cry, Roxas. Don't cry, Cloud's in a better place now," Axel mumbled. Roxas snapped his head up in enough time to see Axel slap his free hand to his mouth. Out of all the things he could remember, his mind chose to remember that his brother Cloud?! It was just too much to handle right then, so Roxas bolted upright, and then in turn running out the door.

Axel was left on the bed with baffling thoughts. Who the hell was Cloud? Why did he remember he died, and why was Roxas' habit of leaving make him feel lonely? He had a girlfriend, for god's sake, and not to mention she was the hottest girl in school, so why should he feel alone?

Shrugging, Axel scooped up Roxas' plate to throw it out on his way to the lake. Namine should be there, sketching, and he wanted to ask her about the night previous.

On his way out the door, he tripped over something and hit his head on the door frame because of it.

"Ow…goddamn….whatever it was…" He looked down to look at the offending object, only to find a luminous green notebook. A notebook? It had no name on the front cover, so Axel bent down to search for a name throughout the spiral. He flipped through the pages as he walked up the hill to his sister's usual spot, reading the pages full of entries and drawings.

Mom says I should write things down, just in case something happens to me like it did to him. I can't believe he just doesn't remember me. It….hurts, to say the least. So anyway, Mom was saying I should write down the things I always want to remember. First off, there's him. I don't think I could ever forget him, but…he forgot me. His last name means fireflies. Nam says it fits because my last name means light, and he's obsessed with fire. And fireflies give off light like from a fire.

Then there's my brother. He...was a good man. At Christmas, no matter how bad he felt –he always got sick around the holidays, poor boy- he would always smile for us.

"Oof! Ouch, stupid tree…," Axel rubbed his now aching head after walking into a rather large tree when Namine's face came from around the said tree. Arching her brows, she folded her arms rather huffily.

"Axel, why did you walk into a tree, you big doofus?" Even her anger couldn't keep a grin off her face for long as Axel tried to explain himself.

"Well, I uh…was um, reading this book thing, and I kinda got into it I guess…" he mused, wondering who the journal belonged to and who the people in it were. Then he remembered earlier in the day, while he was in the cabin with Roxas.

"Hey Nam, who's Cloud?" Namine's smile melted off her face in an instant. She gazed to her right, letting her hair cover her eyes. She paused a moment before responding softly.

"Do you remember him?" Axel shook his head slowly, lost in his memories. He tried in vain to remember this 'Cloud.'

"No. All I know is that he's dead, and that Roxas used to cry because of it," he shrugged as Namine raised her head to give him a questioning glance. "I don't really know how I remembered something so random." The blond exhaled in annoyance before she plopped herself down on the ground.

"Well, Cloud…was Sora and Roxas' older brother. About a month ago he committed suicide, and Roxas was always the more emotional one out of them. He took it pretty hard." Axel nodded his head in understanding. Rubbing the back of his hair, he remembered another unanswered detail.

"But…then how come I'm just remembering this now?" He asked, uncertain. Namine just laughed quietly.

"Because, Axel. You've been triggered. Sooner or later, everything will be clear." Before Axel had a chance to ask what she was rambling on about, she went on.

"Which reminds me, why don't you go spend some time with Kairi? I'm sure she misses you," she smiled devilishly before bouncing off down the hill. Axel frowned as he noticed Namine's sudden topic change. He ignored her words, needing time to let this all sink in.

Had he forgotten anything else? If he forgot death, then maybe he could forget some other things, too. It was odd, because that's what the mysterious owner of the notebook had written. Speaking of which, he still hadn't finished the page he was on. He flipped open the notebook to third or fourth page where he had stopped.

I've already got entries in my old journals for just about everyone else, so I guess I'll go on to memories I never want to forget.

First off, there's my first kiss. I'll never forget how sweet he was about it. He was actually crying while he kissed me, because he thought I'd reject him.

Then there's that one time we spent the night at my twin and his brother's house. The night didn't end well, thanks to that stupid brunette head getting me drunk. But before that, we were having a lot of fun. I remember that we were playing Truth or Dare. Then we made a dance party out of it.

…It's harder to write these things, but I also made some promises I never want to forget. I might have broken them, but still…it's the memory that counts. To me anyway. I promised him I'd stop cutting. Well,…I did, until he decided to forget me. Then it became too much for me…and…well…

I miss him. He used to be such a big part of my life, even before we started going out. We were best friends…and he always knew how to make me laugh. I remember when my brother died, he came over and spent the whole week with me. It hurts to see him every day and know he remembers nothing. And then he spends all his time with that stupid, conniving Kairi. I can just tell this is somehow her fault. But to make things worse, almost all our old friends have started hanging primarily around him. They generally leave me alone now. If it weren't for my family, I'd have probably already have killed myself.

Well, I guess I'll write more later. Namine's coming back up the hill.

The next few pages were drawings, which he really didn't take in. Whoever this was cut, and was mildly suicidal. Maybe…Namine knew what was going on. She did hint at Kairi, after all, and this person wanted to believe whatever happened was her doing.

He inwardly scowled at himself. He remembered all those nasty things Kairi had done to people before. She had done a few good deeds to repent, like apologizing and acting friendly…but had she really changed? As he tried to remember what good she had done…he came up blank.

He stood, stretching his legs that had fallen asleep. He couldn't think clearly. Maybe playing some music would help him out.

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*WARNING. IF YOU WANT THE FULL EFFECT OF THIS PART, PLEASE YOUTUBE 'BREATHING SPACE BY X RAY DOG.' *

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Roxas sat alone in the empty Music cabin. It was far too early for anyone else to even think of playing music, but yet the blond sat on the piano bench, running his fingers softly over the keys.

The melody he was playing used to be a song Axel would play for him at night. After he had left, Roxas had sat for hours and tried to play it by ear. He'd finally succeeded about a week ago. As he played, the tears still ran down his cheeks, leaving trails over his pale skin. His body shook as he cried, trying to make him sob. However, he refused. He'd already felt too much pain. It was too bad that he'd forgotten his pocket knife in his room.

The floorboards suddenly creaked, notifying Roxas someone else was in the room. He didn't care though, and continued playing. The new presence didn't bother him until it sat down next to him.

"That's pretty, Roxas. It sounds familiar… What's it called?" It was almost as if fate was toying with him. Axel was sitting next to him, but he still didn't look up.

"I don't know. My late…boyfriend wrote it," he whispered. Once he said this, he did look up at Axel's face to see the reaction. In truth, there wasn't any. His face was calm, collected, but his eyes looked pained. It was almost as if he knew.

Roxas sighed, knowing he was just giving himself false hope. He let his eyes travel down the boy's body, until a familiar splash of green caught his eye. He froze with one hand still resting on the piano.

After a few seconds of silence, Axel looked down at Roxas to see him staring wide eyed at his lap. He arched a brow, wondering what was so very fascinating about his pants.

"Roxas? Are you-"He was cut off by Roxas' harsh, resentful voice.

"Why do you have my notebook?" Axel blinked, then looked down at the notebook in his hands. This was Roxas' journal. That meant…Roxas was suicidal? Roxas cut? No. It couldn't be.

"Roxas, this is your notebook?" He turned on the piano bench to face Roxas, to watch the cerulean eyes narrow.

"Why. Do. You have. My notebook? You didn't read it, did you?" Axel looked down, ashamed. He gently put it in Roxas' lap, before continuing.

"Does…does Namine know, Roxas? Does anyone know?" At this, the blond boy lowered his gaze. He hugged the notebook to his chest during the awkward pause in the conversation.

"No. Nobody knows," his voice lowered in a vain attempt to hide the pain within in it. Axel felt betrayed at this fact; not the fact that nobody knew, or not even that anyone noticed, but the fact that Roxas was the cutter hurt. He moved the weight of his body closer to the frail boy, wrapping an arm around his thin waist.

"Roxas, you can't do this anymore. I don't know what's wrong with you, but…you come talk to me, alright? You promise me you won't do this again." He saw a single tear streak down the blond's face as he smiled.

"I promise, Axel."

Alright, so yea. Ho shizz. We all know shits bout to go down cuz Kairi sucks. And that's the bottom line. Its easy to write Roxas now. Hah. How ironic….anyway, see you guys later. Maybe.