Preemptive Strike: True Blood, Season Five, The Hell Mouth Opens- Chapter 109
The characters of the Southern Vampire Mysteries belong to Miss Charlaine Harris. No infringement on my part is intended. The characters on True Blood belong to Mr. Alan Ball. No infringement on my part is intended.
I have no BETA, editor, or other such charming person. All mistakes are my own.
Chapter #7 "If plan A does not work, there are 25 more letters..."
"I have a plan to make this work. If plan A does not work, there are 25 more letters to make this happen. I am smart, I am educated, I am experienced. I am William T. Compton, Vampire King of Louisiana and chosen of Satan." Bill kept repeating these good and true words to himself as he walked down the road, admiring how the moonlight reflected off the pavers. It looked like a river of moonbeams were laid at his feet. As well they should be! He was the Ascending Supreme Spirit! This was a sign of his willingness and the world's acceptance for him to correct the many wrongs that plagued this place and time. Starting with Northman! He felt strong and good in his soul. And less smelly.
"I can make this happen. Sookie is married to the King of the Fae. As a king, he is busy. I know that as king that I never had a minute to myself.
I will just roll with whatever comes my way. I will make the most of every opportunity. I have a plan and if plan A does not work, there are 25 more letters.
Now, look at the many things I have learned from just walking down this lovely road. I know a lot of improvements have happened the year that I was gone. Good improvements. The King, he is very busy. Why, he will be here, there, opening a portal and going everywhere. That must be why they built this very nice road. To make his comings and goings easier. I know that is what I would do. When I had the driveway paved in front of my mansion, well, that cut back on my willingness to just leave my BWM in the garage and drive Sookie's death trap. If you have a nice road, you do not mind being out driving and looking over your kingdom.
So I know in my heart of hearts, Sookie will be sad and alone. This king, he is too busy and has saddled her with three small children so he can be out doing fae things. From what I saw when I visited in Fae, he probably has scantly clad paramours there to keep him blissful and that fae sexual desire satisfied.
With three babies, my Sookie will be too tired to always be spreading her legs for him. I know my wife, once she delivered my oldest, why, every time I tried lifting her skirts, she would complain of the headache, or backache, or she had not slept because the baby was up all night crying. Why the only gentlemanly thing to do was to retire to the barn and take care of myself when I could not get Cook to stand still for me. Come to think of it, I do not believe that I had ever found my release in Cook. She was always stirring something on the stove when there was something stirring in my britches.
But my Sookie will be so delighted to see me. The babies will be sleeping and she will be lonely and I am her sweet, sweet William, just back from Heaven to sit with her and hold her hand and listen to her tales of woe and regret. Married to a man that she did not know and forced to bear his children. I will listen with a kind and sympathetic heart for which I am known."
"Momma," Hunter smiled at her from their great big bed as she closed the book. He was tucked in with his brother and sister in his momma's and daddy's bed with Andy and Lion snuggled on one side of him. There was a nice big fire in the fireplace and the stained glass sparkled and glowed in the windows! Hunter liked the new bedrooms! They all had the pretty glass in the windows! When the sun came in through them, it looked like angels arriving!
"Is it time yet? Before we go to sleep, is it time to shake the candy canes?"
Sookie smiled at her three darlings! Well, nothing was going to happen here that a wet washrag would not take care of. "It is time," she smiled, as she flourished several of the red and white striped peppermint snowmaking sticks. Passing them out to her children, she gave the basket to ZZ and he passed them out to the dragons and tinkerbells that were in attendance.
The babies kept sticking their candy canes in their mouths and squealing with delight! Hunter would lick his from time to time as everyone in the room would shake theirs and giggle and sing the snowman soup song with him.
Sookie thought her heart was going to burst! Those years of loneliness and doubt...seeing the love shining out of her children's eyes, it was if that time had not existed. And if that was what it had taken to get her to this time and place...she would do it over again, every fucked- up minute of her life. Because she was more than what anyone had ever thought she was capable of being...except for Eric, of course. Evan had lurked inside of him and her husband had known all along that she was a survivor...and strong...and smart...and funny; 'cause what they were going to do to Bill was going to be one for the books!
Hunter's song was finished and now there were blue sparkles falling from the ceiling. The babies had their feet and hands going and those candy canes going and the sparkles all wind-milled to snowflakes. Great big blue ones.
"One more lick," she smiled as the babies tried to gum theirs to death. "Now, Momma says it is Sand Man time, so let's get cleaned up and tucked in," she whispered as she kissed tiny little noses and wiped mouths and hands and collected what was left of the candy canes. "And off to Sleep Land." All three of her babies yawned and then settled in, smelling of pepperminty goodness and rich with baby smiles.
"Here comes Daddy," she kissed them again on the forehead as Eric walked in. "He will give you kisses and then your La La and Uncle Jesus will be here with you until Momma and Daddy comes back. We won't be gone long.
Oh good, here are your Uncles now," as both babies giggled and Hunter clapped his hands and laughed when the two men walked into the room.
"M-m-m-h-m-m," Sookie arched her eyebrow at Lafayette. "Those candy canes that you have there in your reading basket, our La La, those had better not be for my children."
"What candy canes, his La La finesseness says! Why all I gots is these here snow makin's machines and some mighty fine readin' thangs!"
There were hopeful eyes staring back at her from all over the room. All those present knew that this late at night, the fae queen would let you have a lick or two or three of the blessed candy cane, but his La La fineness would be right there with you enjoying that swirled red and white bit of heaven and reading stories! Why sticking out of his basket looked like enough for seconds for everyone in The Realm! And books! Why La La and Jesus would read and act out stories until the King and Queen returned!
"Momma, it snowed in the movie," Hunter was very serious. "You think we shook them enough to make that much snow?"
"H-m-m-m-m-m," she said, thoughtfully. "Yes, my son, that was a lot of snow in the movie. And our babies are just like their Daddy who does so love his snow. Yes to the shakin' then. I think you three are sweet enough so maybe no to the lickin'."
Little sad eyes from all over the room looked back at her. Dragon tears had started to form. OI was so good at this, he already had big purple teary streaks down the front of his face.
So much loved looked back at her. How could she say no? La La would rule the night!
"Hows 'bouts another story or twos or threes, Momma Sookie?" Lafayette asked while he batted his eye-lashes. "I gots Hungry for Spider-Web Soup in my readin's basket of goodness along with a few other treasures."
Hunter started to laugh. "My La-La and I, we tried to make spider web soup so we could have it tonight before our trick or treating!"
Sookie shook her head and just accepted the fact that bed time stories and peppermint goodness were going to rule the night. "All right my darlings," she conceded. "Candy cane with your La La and Uncle Jesus, stories, then sleepy time," she said as she tweaked noses.
"Momma," Hunter giggled, "before you leave, will you make that witch laugh?" he asked.
"You know I will my Sweet Baby," she grinned as she picked up her broom and making room for Eric, they were up in the air. "Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!" she cackled as they rode around in the room. Then blowing everyone a kiss, OI opened the door and they were out into the night.
It certainly was a nice night to be out and about. This road made for easy walking. Bill's curiosity had finally bitten him. Stopping, he kneeled down in the middle of the road. "Just what is this made of?" he wondered out loud to himself.
"It's gold," came a voice that was over to the right of him in the field.
"Gold?" he echoed back.
"Yes," came the reply. "Gold. The fae dragons shit gold. So they make everything with it. Since it is dragon gold it is the most durable so they pave their roads with it. Plus the new king is a real ass-hole and likes to show off his wealth."
"Who is out there?" Bill asked, his eyes looking around.
"Tis I," out hopped a frog, "King Evan, the rightful heir to the fae throne."
Bill stood up and carefully scrutinized what was before him. "Now that is something you do not see everyday, a frog with a crown."
"And most often," the frog countered, "I do not meet those who smell of dragon shit. You need a bath."
"When I was human," Bill smiled down at the rather large, green fellow, "our cook would fry up frog legs."
"And when I was king of the fae," the frog countered, "I would feed human ass-holes to my frogs."
"Touché," Bill bowed his head. An enchanted being! From Fae! Eyeing the frog, this just might work. Here was someone with information. Even if he was lying about being a king of the fae, he could have useful information. It just might be time to layer on the famous Compton Southern Charm.
"How is it that you ended up as frog?" he asked.
"The dick that will never be king has a powerful witch that cursed me. I have to find myself a true royal of the realm and have them kiss me. Only then will I turn back to my handsome and highly skilled warrior self."
"Well," Bill considered the worth of the crown the fellow was wearing. That was a very nice thing he had sitting on top of his head. Not just something out of a package of Cracker Jacks. "I would think that would be doable. You are not so ugly that women would run away from you screaming."
"Oh, well thank you," the frog smiled. "But it does not have to be a she, any true royal will do." Bowing, the frog took a toadie's voice and said. "Just let it be known throughout this land that I can be very grateful if you know of someone of royal descent." The frog king took another sniff, choked, coughed and then shifted back about another foot.
"Just how is it that you have come to smell of dragon shit? You had to piss off someone in the tip-top of the fae hierarchy to rate that. You, ahhhh, have a little run on with his royal badness?"
Now that was interesting. This little fellow thought maybe he knew the new king. Best to just side step this question and let the frog think what he might. Bill's focus was now on the frog. Plan B. He could roll with it! "When you say royal, is there any particular line of royal from which you must be kissed, or will any royal line do?"
"Well," the frog hesitated, "I do not know? Why? Do you know a royal?"
"I am King William T. Compton of Louisiana."
"Really?" The frog hopped a bit closer. "A true king? Were you crowned and recognized as such?"
"Yes," Bill smiled.
"Look," the frog came closer. "You change me back to my true form and I will kill anyone you want me to after I dispose of this royal imposter. I am a fierce warrior. My sword is over there in the field. But it is all rusted to shit. I came here after him and his witch found me first. Once I am back to fae, I am going to need an oil can and a whet stone to get everything returned to good order."
"This witch..." Bill was hesitant. He had encountered witches before and they were on his to be avoided list. That was just a solid plan. "Just how dangerous..."
"Do not look at her," the frog said with heat. "Just think Medusa. This witch, she is a bitch on a stick. And I mean that, she rides that broom between her legs like it is a giant phallus. She screams like she is having an endless orgasm. That," the frog sighed, "that is when she draws you in. You think, oh good times, maybe I'll get off while I am watching her get off. You know, witch porn."
"Witch porn?" Bill echoed.
The frog's smile got bigger. "Ribbbbbbb-iiittttttt!" the frog chuckled. "Witch porn is something to be treasured," he sighed. "But I digress.
So there I was, listening to her and I am working these fantasies and trying to catch a glimpse of anything she might have showing and I've got my dick out of my pants and stroking and... and then she whammies you." The frog shivered all over. "And there you are with your dick in your...your..." there was disbelief in his voice. "...and...and you are stroking something that is green, small and you are wondering what the fuck just happened."
"Got that," Bill was nodding his head. "If you look you get whammed." Then Bill stopped and snickered, thinking that he had just been played. He would just let the frog know that he was not ignorant. "Frogs do not have a penis."
"Seriously," the frog rolled his eyes as he lifted his leg.
"Oh," Bill stepped closer and then took another step closer as he leaned in to get a better look.
"Hey, back it up, pervert," the frog growled at him. "I told you, once upon a time I was the ruling fae king. So this frog comes with a penis."
"So," Bill stood up straight, "you...you...you..."
"You what?" came the disgusted tone. "You did not believe me? I am a fucking King of the Fae Realm. Whammied by a bitch on a stick. I can not lie. This just sucks. No fucking body believes me here. I need to get back to my fae form so I can get back to my kingdom.
This realm sucks the big one. There is a little dog that comes out here every night and chases me through the fields. I'm going to take his little ass back to fae and give him to my pet dragon. Yes, game on little dog. We'll see then who is getting chased. My little dragon, he will hump anything. I see small, yippee dog in his future."
Bill was just a bit thunderstruck. Okay, this guy was the real deal. Time for Plan C. "Have you been out here when the new king and queen..." and Bill let his voice trail off.
"Speaking of humping..." the frog chuckled.
"Does," Bill hesitated, "does she enjoy it?"
"Fuck yes," the frog drew back. "One thing I can say for this soon to be dead joker is that he knows how to please the ladies. He has not done a threesome with his bride, yet, but I bet that is in his future."
"Threesome?" Bill choked out.
The frog wiggled his eyebrows. "The faux king, he does that witch out here, as well. In fae, getting laid in the woods, that is all kinds of good luck. This bastard, he knows how to get lucky."
Bill was starting to feel a might bit anxious. Sookie liked it with this pretend king? It was bad enough when she made screaming sounds with Eric. But married sex? She liked married sex? No woman liked married sex. And...and...his sweet, innocent, Sookie in a three way? "Three...you mean Sookie and him and the witch?"
"I do not mean me, the little dog and his owner. Of course that is what I mean."
"You, ahhh, you know how to remove the smell of dragon shit?" Bill asked hopefully.
"Well, yes. You need snow," the frog replied. "Make it snow, strip yourself down and rub all over in it. Snow kills the smell."
"Snow..." Bill was mystified. "But we are in Louisiana. It is October. And I can not make it snow. No one can."
"I thought you were a king?" the frog eyed him and you could hear the this fucker is a liar in his voice.
"No royal in this world can make it snow," Bill replied, pushing as much truth as he could out into the universe.
"Oh," the frog considered the wrongness of that. "Just another fucking reason this place sucks the big one, and apparently, it sucks at sucking." Out darted his frog tongue and his dinner was then popped into his mouth. With a satisfying crunching sound, the frog continued to eye the insects that were swirling around him.
"Do you know how to do this?" Bill asked, hoping against hope. He could not sweep Sookie off her feet and into the pit smelling like dragon shit.
"Well, of course," the frog rolled his eyes and pointed to himself, "king!"
"If I kiss you," you could hear the earnestness in Bill's voice. "Will you make it snow?"
The frog thought about that for a moment. "You don't want to do that. The bitch on a stick...she has a nasty sense of humor. If all I needed was a royal kiss, this would not be a problem. But she laid out some perimeters."
"Such as?" Bill asked.
"As in kiss my royal ass," the frog shook his head. "Just what the fuck? I do not even have a chance of getting changed back. Bitch on a stick!" he hissed.
"But...but in the stories..." you could hear the pleading in Bill's voice.
"Stories," the king snickered. "Try dealing with a bitch...on...a...stick," the frog said. "I have princesses from all over the realm lined up who are willing to suck my tongue out of my mouth...whether I be fae or frog...but not one of them is willing to kiss my ass. And then, apparently, in this realm, there is a real shortage of royals, but not ass kissers. And some delight in it. You can see my problem."
Oh-h-h-h-h, yes. Bill knew all about ass kissers. He had maybe kissed The Authorities ass once or twice. Maybe literally. He had certainly kissed Satan's. It was time to work plan D. "I would kiss your ass," Bill said. "I can not guarantee that you will switch back but I am willing to give it a go if you are."
The frog eyed him and ate another bug. "I am grateful. And even if I do not switch back, gladly will I make it snow for you."
"So, I do what?" Bill asked. "Pick you up and..." and bending down he cupped both hands together and the frog hopped in.
"Here, let me turn around," the frog said as he positioned himself with his ass facing Compton. "No tongue," the frog said. "And keep your finger out of my ass, as well."
"I would never," Bill huffed.
"Like I have not heard that before," the frog offered.
"Why that is just disgustin'," Bill spit out.
"Tell me about it," the frog countered.
Yes, disgusting! He knew about disgusting. Bill had kissed Lorena. And had done other vile things with her. He was sure his maker was the reason he was in Hell. And then Satan...he shuddered. There was nothing vile about his frog. He was an honest fellow with an honest problem. And he appeared to be and smell clean. He could certainly kiss a frog's ass. Who would know? Who would care? He was on the golden path and this frog was part of this path to fulfilling his quest, his plan, his return to Earth.
"Left cheek or right?" Bill turned his head slightly and leaned in so he could see this handsome fellow's face.
"Huh?" the frog shrugged. "I don't know. Just find a spot that looks good to you and plant one on me."
"On your left check is a freckle, I am aiming for that," Bill said with surety.
"Just make it happen and consider that imposter king as good as dead and an abundance of snow to bathe in."
A firm and soft-lipped kiss is what Bill blessed the deposed frog king with. "You feel anything?" Bill asked.
"Huh," the frog shivered all over, "maybe. Oh sorry," the frog said, I think I just pissed on your hands."
"Not a problem," Bill replied, "I used to find frogs all the time when I was a boy. You are not the first frog to pee on my hand."
This was not the time to panic, but morning had to be coming on. Bill stood there with the frog in his hands, feeling time slip away from him. It was time to be bold. "How about if I kiss the right cheek, as well?"
"I...I...I am a bit of a loss, here. Sorry I am not better informed," the frog said, turning his head to face him. "This is my first time as being cursed to frog. I guess it could not hurt."
"Fine. I am aiming for the center of the right cheek."
With a bit more passion and longing, on went the kiss. When Bill drew back his face he asked, "Feel anything?"
"Wait one," the frog replied as he started to shiver all over and then out popped a frog long-poo. "Oh-h-h, sorry about that," the frog said and jumped down. "It's just that I don't know what to expect. But you have upheld your part of the bargain. So, have a little snow. I am going to have to hibernate until all this passes," the frog said as he hopped away and into the field.
"Why," Bill said in wonder as he felt the first of the flakes softly brush past his face, "It's snowing! Why that little green fellow knew what he was about. He must be the king of the fae! I hope I was king enough so that when he wakes up, he will be a fae king in his own right."
Bill stood for several moments and just enjoyed the feel of the flakes lightly kissing his skin. "I guess I need to get this done. Time to strip down and bathe in this gentle softness and be clean and good for my Sookie," he smiled at fond memories as he disrobed and felt the snow float past his body as he began to scrub... and..and... "Ouch...what was that?" He felt a stinging sensation on his face and then other parts of him. "What...?" he yelped as he was being pelted with sharp, stinging, sleet. The wind picked up to blizzard strength and he was now being pushed around as the wind howled and freezing rain was pounding him. When a small snow tornado picked him up, whirled him around and slammed him down, he realized, "Time to look for shelter." His clothes had disappeared. Either blown away or buried under a snow bank! "Soldiering was good for something," he said as he hit the ground, trying to avoid the flashes of lightning that were sizzling the snow and then he began low-crawling toward the ditch. "That little frog had the right idea, if I can't find shelter, maybe I'll just go to ground for a few minutes until this passes."
Once he was in the ditch, he could smell it. There was a wood fire, coming from his front. The ditch was quickly filling with frigid water as he was covered in howling snow. His low crawl turned into a fast run as he followed the wood fire smell and the wind tried to devour him! The smoke smell was stronger. It was time to take shelter. When he hit the side of a building with a solid crunch, the wind kept his body pushed up against it as he followed the wooden structure around until he found himself on a small porch.
Trying the door, it blew open and the wind pushed him and the snow into the middle of the small cottage that was home to a huge walk-in fireplace.
From the looks of things, it had been abandoned. No one lived here. There was nothing that spoke of daily living except for a chair that was shoved back into one corner. But there was a fire and a skin-rug of some sort in front of the fire. "Oh-h-h-h," Bill huddled in front of the roaring logs that sent out the blissful heat as he slowly turned and warmed himself. "A place for a lovers tryst."
Once he was dry, he let his eyes wander carefully around the room. That was odd. There appeared to be clothing on a bent bamboo café style chair. Odd, but very good for him. He would find something to wear!
Carrying the chair over to the front of the fire, he inspected the clothing that was on it. His laughter filled the room. "Fantasies," he smiled as he held up a riding crop, a top hat, a woman's red tux jacket and a very short black leather skirt for the dominatrix. There was a man's lion mask and lion furry pants with a long tail. No shirt, he smiled, for the sub.
Well, well...
The women's clothing would not fit but he could at least wear the lion pants and wrap that rug about his shoulders. Then he was going to his mansion and demand proper attire to greet his Sookie, in. Or maybe steal clothing that was left out by the pool. He was all about working the plan.
The cottage had stopped shuddering and it was now quiet. Pulling on the pants, and picking up the rug, Bill walked over to the door and peered out. Just as quickly as the storm had appeared, it was now gone, with the snow along with it. There was still a bit of a chill in the air and the moon was now a bit fuller than what it had been. That was odd, but he was willing to roll with it. After what he had experienced tonight, it was all good and part of his path, which was once more glowing before him. Wrapping the rug around his shoulders he set off.
There was an apple orchard up ahead. He could smell them. That wonderful smell wafting on the breeze. And then his golden path was no longer golden! The moon was blocked with some type of cloud that appeared to be alive!
He heard the witch cackle in glee as she shouted, "There, that lion on The King's Highway! I am sure he does not have permission to travel there. Let loose!"
"Let loose!" Bill screeched. Let loose with what? He did not want to look, but if he was going to be cursed, he at least wanted to see what was coming his way. The witch's voice was behind him. Lifting his face, he looked straight up into the night sky. That is when he could see them. Flying monkeys! Hundreds upon hundreds of them! All of them wearing some type of cute little uniform, reminding him of an organ grinder and his monkey. And then it...let loose took on a whole new meaning...he was being pelted with monkey poo!
Was there a reason he was being pounded with shit, tonight?
"I am glad I grabbed this rug," he said as he hunkered down under it, pulling himself up as small as he could and wondering if he needed more snow to clean off the smell of flying monkey. Listening to her cackle and call encouragement, Bill could see the frog's point of view. Bitch...on...a...stick!
When he no longer felt the missiles landing on him and it was once more quiet, he carefully pulled back the rug and felt things shifting on top of him. "Oh, bitch on a stick," he grumbled as he looked out and was buried in poo.
"Best thing to do," Bill smiled when he heard the frog's voice, "is just flip your covering back as fast as you can and then hop out. Some is just going to get on you. You just have to accept that and move on. Look's like one or two hit you head on, anyway. Those fuckers have a good arm."
"Thanks," Bill said as he did just that. Once he was standing upright, he thought maybe he could just levitate himself out of the perfect six foot circle that was knee high poo that had buried him. With a thought and nothing happened, he determined that it was no to the levitating. Okay, his vampire skills no longer worked. But he had been good at hop-scotch as a child. He could make this happen. Springing, he was up and over the worst of it. He had made almost to the outer perimeter. With a couple of steps, he was out and once more standing on his golden path.
"I see the flying monkeys are practicing their strafing runs," the frog said. "Under her orders, of course. She guards this road like she shit the fucking gold. She is a bitch on a stick," the frog chuckled.
"Flying monkeys," Bill echoed in wonder.
"Yes, I see their aim is still one-hundred percent. Would have to be if you want to fly with her. She surrounds herself with only the best. Which is why I am sure she fucks the never king. I heard he was spectacular. Of course, not as good as me. If she had ever," he stressed, "been under me, this fucker would be an insect for a frog snack. Oh well, enough of my bitching," the frog sighed.
"Glad I ran into you again. A word of warning," the frog's voice was somber. "Anytime you see a flying monkey, the bitch on a stick is someplace close by. They are her minions, her escort, probably her sex partners as well. Not that I am judging her for that," he added with sincerity. "When fae, I may have looked with favor on other forms of fae, as well.
And since you are still standing, I see you took my advice and did not look at her."
"Thanks for the warning about that," Bill replied. "I am forever grateful. And oh, the snow as well."
"Glad that worked out for you," he said with a smile.
"I was hoping only the best for you," Bill placed his hand over his heart. "That perhaps, you would have changed back after your hibernation. There is just something about being buried in the good earth that revives you."
"Be careful," the frog chuckled, "or I am going to think you are a frog prince that has been cursed to be human."
Bill laughed. "Why yes, that would make us opposites," he smiled at his new-found friend.
"Where are you headed?" the frog asked as they walked along. "If it is someplace important, I would suggest washing the flying monkey shit off of you before you arrive there."
"Do I need snow for that?" Bill asked, concern in his voice.
"No, just some soap and water, unless you have a drop of dew from the first moon of the new day."
"No," Bill smiled. "I do not have that. And I am still on the path," he said. "And feeling much better about this now that I have met you. And," he looked around him, noticing the woods that backed up to his house. "Now things are starting to look familiar. I have a mansion not much farther, from here. I can get clean, there. And change into something presentable."
"That sounds like a good plan," the frog said agreeably.
"Yes," Bill smiled, "I think I am now about to plan G."
There was a lot of second looks and longed for second chances going on in Pam's office and in the foyer. "Eric's signature move! A fucking, howling blizzard, complete with lightning!" A lot of them were a bit thunderstruck as their days in the mansion were now going on years that they owed SWAMBO. How had that been so nicely worked into tonight's little scenario?
Tara was laughing so hard, she kept wiping at the tears that were rolling down her face. "I've got the next month off," she hooted in glee! "That suck ass summit in Europe we are suppose to be attending, now let me see..." she was dancing around in glee! "Who bet me that Compton would not kiss Eric's ass...twice?"
"No, no, no, no, no," Pam was sniffling as the office watched Billy-Boy and The Frog King walk along the golden path on the giant TV as money and I.O.U. vouchers were being exchanged at a furious clip. "No!" she wailed. "Eric said I could take the next thirty days off!"
"Oh-h-h-h-h my maker," Tara looked very sad. "Too fucking bad!" she hooted! "Those tears of yours do not work on me! I am out of here! Just as soon as this tasty tidbit comes to an end. I want my time on the big assed TV as well. I shall strike a pose and say my lines and live forever in the land of the fae!
Unless, of course," Tara winked at her. "you want to make a deal. I'll trade you that thirty days if I get to say your lines as well as mine. Of course, since you would not be say'n' any lines there would be no reason for you to be present."
"I turned a monster..." Pam sniffled.
Tara's grin got bigger.
"You are just like Eric," she huffed.
Tara's grin split her face as she shook all over with joy.
Pam was giving this some serious thought...not... "Thirty days of just me and my cabana boy or living forever on the wide screens in Fae...not really much of a choice," Pam drawled. "Wallace," she eyed her husband. "Put on some pimping Good Linda of the South Madame of the House clothes, I just wrote you in. Hey," she grinned, "I just rhymed!"
"What?" Tara squeaked as she eyed her maker.
"Welcome to The Brothel of the Manse," Pam fluttered her eyelashes. "The house of pleasure where you will find good times," as her fangs snicked down, "and the ladies wearin' little to nothin' else."
