Some things never change
I own nothing...Thanks to my faithfuls! I love reading your reviews.
How do I do it? How do I always manage to fuck things up? I don't even have to try. I knew things seemed too good to be true. I'm never allowed to be happy for long. I guess I'm just destined to be a sad miserable fuck for the rest of my life.
Angela is mad at me, again. This time, it's not my fault. I swear it's not, but she's still mad and I'm still miserable. She's not answering her phone, she's not returning my text messages. I even emailed her, but she hasn't returned that, either.
I didn't make it to Three Rivers last week. I wanted to. I had planned to. I'd even bought my plane ticket. Then our manager called and said we had to play the Tonight Show on Monday night. I couldn't leave. And if I'd gone after the taping, we still would have had only one night together. So I couldn't go last week.
We've been in New York since Monday, trying to secure an apartment and storage space for our buses and equipment. We had to move everything from LA to New York to prepare for our East coast tour. Here I am, in New York on Thursday evening, waiting on our real estate agent to bring us the keys to our new apartment. The same Thursday that I planned to fly home.
I called Angela yesterday morning to tell her I probably wouldn't make it until Friday afternoon. She got really mad at me and told me not to bother to come at all. She said she knew I would never change. She said I was still putting my job first. She hung up on me and now she won't talk to me.
Hell, what was I supposed to do? I can't just say fuck it and drop everything. We've been apart this long, what's one more day? I have stuff to do. Stuff that can't be put off.
We found a place to park the buses. We found a place to store the equipment. We even found a flat for the crew to use. We weren't so lucky with finding an apartment. Probably because all three of us are picky as hell.
It took us 3 days and 22 apartments before Shane, Tommy and I agreed on one. The location was never right, it didn't have a balcony, the rooms were too small, the doorman was rude. There were a variety of different reasons that it took so long. I'm just glad it's finally settled. Now if the damn agent would hurry, I could still make it to Three Rivers tonight.
I told the agent that we needed to be in the apartment by Thursday. I should have told her Wednesday. We'd already paid the 6 month lease and signed all the papers. We were just waiting on her to bring the keys.
Shane, Tommy and I are sitting in the back of our limo parked in front of the apartment. We've been here for over an hour already and everyone's patience is wearing thin. Checking my phone for the third time in less than 5 minutes, with still no word from Angela or the real estate agent, I sigh and shove it back in my pocket. Apparently, I was getting on Shane's nerves.
"Damn it, Jay. Will you please chill with the fucking phone? It'll let you know if someone is trying to reach you. It's not going to ring just because you keep looking at it." Laying his head back on the seat, he closes his eyes. "The agent will be here soon. She must have gotten stuck in traffic or something."
"She just needs to hurry up. I've got somewhere to be." I haven't told Shane and Tommy that Angela and I were trying to work things out. Well, we were trying. I don't know what we're doing now. I just don't want Shane to start giving me shit about it. He and Angela have never gotten along.
When I first started talking to Angela, Shane told me he didn't like her. He thought she was weird. He even said so, more than once, and to her face. That's why I was sneaking down to the boiler room to be with her. I didn't want my friends giving me shit about being with her because I really did like her. I was just too stupid to realize I should have stood up to them from the beginning.
When I did tell them that I wanted to be with her, he told me to do what I wanted. If I wanted to be with her, go ahead. He also told me that she wasn't the type of girl that would sleep with me without being in a relationship. Everyone knew I didn't do relationships. I only went out with girls for one thing. Until Angela.
After we broke up the first time, he was the first one to say "I told you so." He was also the first one to sit and listen to me bitch and moan about her. Then after the shit with Rayanne Graff, he saw how miserable I was. After practice on night, he handed me a beer and let me spill my guts to him. He told me that no matter how he felt about Angela, he could see how much I cared about her. He told me to talk to her, to tell her I was sorry. That's how all that shit with the love letter got started.
And speaking of Brian Krakow and that stupid fucking letter, after Angela found out Brian had written the damn thing, she told me she didn't think we could be together and she started dating him. I had to find another tutor and everything. For three months, the rest of the school year, I had to watch her walk around school with him holding hands. I'm sure all they ever did was hold hands because that little fucker was too scared to try anything else.
It wasn't until that Summer, at one of Tino's parties that I found out what had really been going on. Me and Shane had just gotten there, not even out of the car yet, when Angela and Rayanne came around the side of the house, followed closely by Brian. I could tell that she was pissed about something, Rayanne was trying to calm her down. I guess they didn't see me and Shane, because we witnessed the whole thing.
Brian said something to her and she turned on him. She started yelling at him. I couldn't hear what she was saying, so I got out and leaned against the front of the car. Shane got out and sat on the hood beside me, watching the show.
Angela told him that she was tired of him following her around, she wanted him to leave her alone. At that point, I probably should have walked away, but I made myself stay there. I'm glad I did.
She said he shouldn't have come. She said she broke up with him and it was over. She told him that he was never really her boyfriend, she never even liked him that way. She thought she could be with him because he cared about her, but she couldn't pretend anymore. He was getting on her nerves and she just wanted him to go away.
As I watched Brian Krakow turn from her and walk down the driveway, I felt bad for him. I mean, I knew how he felt about her. I knew that he was probably more in love with her than I was. She had just basically told him that she'd used him.
We ended up getting back together that night. She told me that she thought she could use Brian to make me jealous. I told her that it worked. We spent the rest of the summer together and the first part of the new school year, before I fucked up again. But to be fair, she's fucked up plenty, too.
My phone rings, pulling me out of my memories. As I'm pulling it out of my pocket, the real estate agent is tapping on the window. Seeing Angela's name on the display, I get out of the car and walk a little way down the sidewalk before taking the call.
"Hey, Angela. I've been trying to call you all day. Why haven't you returned my calls." I know she's mad at me. Maybe she won't yell too much.
"I know you have. I didn't feel like talking to you. I was busy." Why is it always like this? When things are good, they're really good. When they're bad, everything sucks. "What do you want?"
"What do I want? I want to come home, to be with you. We had plans, right?" I hope we still have plans.
"I thought I told you not to bother. Don't you have things you need to do anyway? I don't want to keep you from doing what's important." She acts so childish sometimes.
"Angela, don't do this. I know you're mad at me, but I'm still coming. I didn't say I wasn't, I just said I'd be a day late. I can stay until Tuesday to make up for today." Our first show isn't until Thursday night in New Jersey, so I won't have to rush back.
Shane walks up, stopping beside me. "Hey, we got the keys. The driver is unloading your bags." I expected him to leave, but he's still just standing there, giving me that look. The look that I get when he knows I'm trying to keep something from him.
"Hey, can you hold on a minute? Please don't hang up." I say into the phone. "Shane, what? Why are you looking at me that way?"
Shaking his head, he scowls at me. "That's Angela, isn't it? It all makes sense now. That's where you went a few weeks ago. That's why you were in such a fucking chipper mood for the last few weeks. And that's why you've been pissy all day. You're fighting again."
"Yeah, so? What's your point?" Please get on with this. She's gonna hang up on me.
"Damn it, Jay. Don't start this shit again. How many times are the two of you going to play this game? You were almost over her. I thought for once, you were finally going to be done with that woman." Turning his back to me, he takes a few steps, then turns back, tossing my key to me. "I'll talk to you when you get off the phone." He walks away, heading up the steps to the front door.
Taking a deep breath, I put the phone back to my ear. "You there?"
"I'm here. I take it you haven't told Shane anything? He doesn't seem too happy that you're even talking to me." Shit.
"He'll get over it." It doesn't matter what Shane thinks.
"Look, Jordan, I know you have things to do. I was already mad when you called yesterday and I took it out on you. If you can't come, I'll understand." That's a start, right?
"I did have things to do, but they're done now. We were waiting on the agent to bring the keys for our apartment. We weren't able to sign the lease until this morning. That's why I couldn't leave." Does she want me to come, or not? "I can still get a flight out tonight and take a cab to the house."
"Why don't you just fly out in the morning? It's getting late and Jay will be getting ready for bed soon. Get settled into your apartment tonight and call me in the morning to let me know what time to pick you up." That was easier than I thought it would be.
"So you do still want me to come? For a while there I thought you'd changed your mind." We have to get better at this. "I'm sorry that I couldn't make it today. I would really rather be with you and Jay right now."
"Yes, I want you to come. I was just pouting." And acting childish.
"Ok, I'll text you later with the flight times. I need to get inside. I'm sure Shane isn't done with me. I didn't tell him or Tommy. Guess I should have, huh?" It wasn't like I was sneaking around or anything.
"You tell Shane to mind his own business. It's not up to him what we do. Sometimes he can be an ass." I wish they would just try to get along.
"I'm sure that will come up. You know, he is just looking out for me, he knows what we do to each other. I think that's why you guys don't get along. Just like your friend Sharon has never liked me. But like you said, it's not up to them, is it?"
"No, it's not. Go face the music. I'll talk to you later."
Telling her bye, I hang up the phone, slipping it in my pocket. Not in a hurry to hear Shane tell me why all this is wrong, I walk into the building slowly. Taking the elevator up to our 12th floor apartment, I walk to the door and stand outside for a minute before using my key to get in. Tommy is standing by the balcony door and Shane is nowhere to be seen.
Tommy turns to look at me. "So, you and Angela?" Tommy has never been one to talk much. He usually just says what he's thinking.
"Yeah, I think so. We're going to try anyway." I like it that Tommy has stayed out of it. He and Angela do get along. They've always been friendly to each other. Maybe because Tommy keeps his opinions to himself most of the time, unlike Shane.
"That's cool. Just be careful, man." Tommy turns back to look out the window.
Shane, walking back into the room, heads straight for me. "What the hell are you thinking? How many times have you done this? She fucking divorced you, Jay. She told you to leave. Why would you put yourself in that position again?"
"Because, I love her, Shane. I don't want to be without her. And I'm tired of spending so much time away from my son." Because I can't live without them.
"I don't get it. You could have any girl you want. Or every girl you want, but you always go running back to her. Why is that? I've never understood it." Me, either.
"All I know is that I do love her and we're going to try to work this out. Three years is a long time. We're not kids anymore. We've both grown up since we first got together. Maybe it will work out this time. I won't know unless I try, though." I have stuff to do, I don't want to be standing here arguing with him about this again.
"You drive me crazy, you know that? This time you better make it work, because I'm tired of having to help put you back together when it's over." Sitting down on the sofa, he looks up at me. "You leaving tonight? It's a little, late isn't it?"
"No, I'll leave in the morning. I won't be back until Tuesday afternoon." Grabbing some of my bags from the floor, I head down the hall to the bedroom I had picked out yesterday. When I return to get the rest of them, Shane stops me by putting his hand on my arm.
"Look, Jay. I do want you to be happy. I'm just tired of seeing you do this dance with her. Work it all out this time. Make sure that this is what you want before you make any major decisions." I know he only wants what's best for me. And I know what he's saying makes sense.
"Shane, I know where you're coming from. I am listening to what you're saying. I've thought about this and thought about it. It's what I want. We both want it. We just have to figure out how to keep it." Slipping my arm around his shoulders, I give him a squeeze. "Thanks for worrying about me. I love you, too."
Laughing, he pushes me away. "Get the fuck off, man! Go unpack your shit, I want to go out for dinner."
Walking back to my room, I unpack my clothes, putting them away. Pulling out my laptop, I reserve an 8 am flight from New York to Pittsburgh. When I get the conformation email, I forward it to Angela. Pulling out my phone, I text her. "See you at 10 am. Wish I were there right now. See you soon. ILY ~ Jordan."
She wastes no time texting me back. "Can't wait. See you then. I'll bring Red. ILY2 ~Angela."
With my phone in my pocket and smile on my face, I leave my bedroom, ready to go to dinner with the boys. We head out on foot, ending up at a restaurant just around the corner. After we eat dinner, Shane wants to stop for drinks, so I head back home.
I pack my bags and sit them by the door before rushing through my shower and brushing my teeth. I head back to the bedroom, crawling in bed, I go right to sleep.
I'll say it, even if you ignore it...please review. There are so many of you reading, but none of you bother to let me know what you think. I guess if you're continuing to read, you must like it, right? ~gagirl29
