Bray jumped into his car and sped off, not really knowing where he was going or what he was doing. He couldn't believe it. He couldn't believe that all the rumors were true. Ebony and Jay, his Ebony and Jay were together.
'Don't be stupid,' he thought to himself. 'She's not yours anymore.' He couldn't get the image of them kissing out of his head. How could they do this to him? Didn't they know that this was killing him? Of course they didn't, he thought. He had gotten so good at hiding his feelings since Martin died. There was no way that Ebony knew how much he loved her, how much he missed her.
'Why am I such an idiot? Why did I walk away from her?' He had been so wrapped up in his own thoughts, he didn't realize that he had ended up at the cemetery. He sat in his car, almost too terrified to move. He hadn't been here since the funeral. He just didn't know how to deal. He felt a tear fall down his face as he thought of that day.
flashback
Bray
got out of the car without saying a word to his parents. He had
refused to be a pallbearer, and his mother just didn't understand.
How could he tell her that he just couldn't bring himself to carry
his dead brother's casket? How could he explain that it was just
too much to handle? He stood next to the grave, staring at the
casket, not quite believing that his brother was in there. He wiped
the tears away. He felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned around and
there was Ebony. Her beautiful face had tears running down it and she
had bruises from the accident. She was still on crutches because of
her broken foot. Bray cast his eyes down, not being able to look her
in the face. "Bray. Bray, look at me." He brought his
eyes to meet hers. "Why did you just leave me in the hospital? Why
didn't you tell me about Martin yourself? Why did you leave me
there to deal with it all on my own?" He couldn't bear to see the
hurt in her eyes, and he didn't know how to explain it to her. He
didn't know how to tell her that he was to blame for all of this.
He knew how distracted Martin got when he drove, how reckless it made
him. Yet he had egged him on and teased him. He had distracted Martin
from the road and that's why they crashed. Martin died because of
him and he had stayed by Ebony's side at the hospital, afraid that
she would die too. Bray pulled himself out of his thoughts and
looked at Ebony again. She looked so fragile and broken. He wanted to
protect her, but he had almost gotten her killed. So he did the only
thing he knew to protect her. "Stay away from me Ebony.
Martin's dead. We both know we only got close because of him. We're
nothing without him. Let's just keep it that way." He turned and
walked away. He didn't turn around. He knew if he saw her hurt,
tear-streaked face, he would loose his nerve and run back to her and
hold her close. He knew he couldn't do that. He had to protect her
because he loved her.
end flashback
He wiped away the tears that had fallen at the memory. It was the worst day of his life for more than one reason. He took a deep breath and got out of his car. Even though he'd only been here once, he knew exactly where he was going. He kneeled down in front of the grave, not really sure why he was there. He sighed and just started talking.
"Hey Martin. It's your big brother, but I guess you know that." He picked up a blade of grass and twirled it in his fingers. He started to cry and this time he didn't bother to wipe the tears away. "I'm so sorry, Martin. I'm so sorry I couldn't protect you. I tried, I tried so hard and still you died. I wish it was me, Martin. I was supposed to go first. I'm the big brother and I was supposed to go first. I really wish you were here. I'm all alone without you."
"No you're not." Bray jumped at the sound of the voice and turned around. Ebony stood behind him with tears in her eyes, much like the last time they'd been here together. "You're not alone, Bray. There are so many people here that love you." Bray quickly rubbed his eyes, embarrassed that after so many months of shielding his emotions, Ebony had been the one to see him cry.
"Ebony, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be with Jay?" he spat out, inwardly cringing at how bitter and jealous he sounded. Ebony flinched at his tone. She'd never heard Bray like this before.
"I came looking for you. After you disappeared at lunch, I was worried about you."
"Well, while you were busy sucking face with Jay, I decided I had better things to do than sit there and watch. I'm sorry if I ruined your fun," He started to walk away, desperately needing to get away from her. He couldn't believe that after all he put her through, she still worried about him and cared about him. Ebony ran after him. She grabbed his arm and spun him around to face her, anger blazing in her eyes.
"Don't you dare walk away from me, Bray. And what gives you the right to judge my relationship with Jay? Why the hell do you care if we're together anyway, huh? You told me to stay away from you. You no longer have the right to comment on my life. Don't you get that? You made your choice and left me to pick up the pieces." She was so angry, she was trembling. She wasn't sure where all this had come from. She loved Bray and she wanted him back, not to push him away. Bray almost lost his nerve after her outburst. He was so tempted to pull her in his arms and tell her everything. Tell her that he loved her and needed her. He wanted to tell her to leave Jay and to be with him, because he loved her not Jay. But he fought those feelings. He couldn't do this.
"You're right, Ebony. It is none of my business." He looked at her with cold eyes, once again masking his feelings. "And you're right, I did tell you to stay away from me. So what the hell are you doing here?" He pushed past her and ran towards his car.
"I'm here because I love you," she whispered.
