Again thank you so much for the reviews. Best motivator. Ever.
I read them whenever I need a kick to go on (kicks needed right now) & I know some of you are hoping for that light at the end of the tunnel but it's going to be a while I'm afraid. I need Amanda to get even a little more lost in that dark wood of hers. But at some point there will be a confrontation so I hope you can bear with me.
Music/lyrics used: Freak Like Me by Halestorm & Whore by In This Moment

Another warning on this chapter. Explicit sexual content ahead. And at times there will be a bit of a raw and simplified account on what's going on and it has nothing to do with me taking lightly to what's happening to Amanda but more so that she might be in state of, let's say, arousal or perhaps under the influence of a substance and her recount of what's going on or what she thinks she deserve might be questionable.
Okay, enough, enjoy... or at least carry on ;)


Chapter 7: Inferno


With everything Amanda had been up to she didn't have much time to plan her "escape route". She knew she wasn't planning on coming back but hadn't planned that exit just yet. She'd left her gun at the office and would figure out some way to give her badge back. She figured someone, probably Fin, would look into her exit and she had to at least make it look like she left New York. She had money but still felt it was stupid to waste much on a plane ticket and it would also be very easy for any law enforcement to see if she got on the plane or not. So instead she bought a bus ticket. She found one departure the next day that did a delivery pick-up stop before it left NY. She got on it and then sneaked off, hoping no one took notice.

She'd talked to someone she knew at her former station in Atlanta, a sweet but somewhat daft girl. Amanda knew she wouldn't ask questions or question her requests. So she would use her card a few times after her alleged trip to Atlanta. Amanda was closing that account anyways and she'd already transferred everything but 500 dollars from that account into a savings one. The week prior to her departure she'd done some cash withdrawals from the bank. Just to be on the safe side she didn't use her card for some stuff she bought. That way no one could trace her somewhat suspicious activity. She bought some surveillance equipment, a few cameras and listening devices. It could come in handy she figured. She found another few gadgets that might come in handy too and she bought a small but very powerful iPad in which she planned to store her investigation. She'd scanned most of the investigation on the Mayhem choker into it. She still had a little more than 10 grand in cash left and with selling her car and furniture she got a few more grand in her pocket.

She'd left her apartment even before that last day at SVU. She got out of her lease by threatening her nice landlord. She'd felt very bad doing it but she didn't see any other way. She'd used her sister's break-in as a reason and told him he should be lucky she hadn't pressed charges seeing how they could clean her apartment out in the middle of the day without anyone taking notice. She hated to end her time in that building that way. She'd really liked living there, the neighbors were nice and she loved the surroundings. But she couldn't think of that now.

She found a motel in Brooklyn with a questionable clientele but it was cheap and fit her purpose. Room cleaning wasn't included for long term occupants which suited her fine. That way she could set invisible traps to see if someone entered the room when she wasn't around.

Once she said good bye to Fin and turned her back on him it felt as though every step took her further and further away from Amanda. Back at the motel she cut her driver's license and kept it to dispose of it somewhere safe. The jeans and tee she wore was something Shay could wear off hours but most her regular clothes were tossed by now. They were exchanged by skirts, very short shorts and various skimpy tops. Her underwear section had changed drastically from the very bland, cotton versions to vibrant colors and laces. She'd kept two hoodies around to wear when she needed a bit of disguise. She wasn't planning a winter wardrobe since she wasn't thinking that far ahead.

She'd been a bit anxious leaving SVU but now it felt okay. She felt a bit relieved. No more lying or deceiving people she liked and cared about. She cared about some of the people at Bare Assets by now but it didn't feel as though she deceived them now that she could commit to being Shay 24/7. She hung out quite a lot with Sierra and also two other girls named Raven and Fawn. They all got a long very well and Amanda felt relaxed when with them.

She learnt Raven had a kid and she got to meet him a few times. They both stayed with Raven's mother who helped out to watch him and Raven provided for her entire family with the money she got from stripping but also being an escort for Gordon, the co-owner of the strip club.

And speaking of Gordon, Amanda finally got to lay eyes on him. Sierra told her she would most definitely get an offer from him to join his escort service. Apparently Gordon had a good eye for blonds that came through the club. Amanda asked what she meant by 'came through the club' and Sierra told her that some had just worked a week or two at the club and then fully committed to Gordon's escort service. Amanda knew Sierra worked for Gordon too, if only sparsely though, and asked if she'd seen the girls around after they left the club. Sierra casually told her she couldn't recall really but Gordon had businesses like all over the country and even abroad so it wasn't strange if they disappeared.

And like that Gordon rose to the very top of Amanda's suspect list. But she was a little doubtful though that the Mayhem choker actually worked in this business. And she still wasn't sure she'd be able to work for him. Being an escort that was since she figured it involved just more than 'escorting'. She did hook up with Scott every now and then and it wasn't that bad, she could enjoy it most of the time and if she just went with his rough treatment she was left mostly unhurt. He was way easier to get answers from when they laid around in the bed after sex so she would continue hooking up with him. It did help smoking some crack with him beforehand though but she knew she had to keep her mind clear.

Gordon seemed to keep his distance for now though and Amanda kept her focus on Assets customer meanwhile. Now when she couldn't run their prints it was harder to make identifications but she found out she had a knack for picking pockets. She got business cards and one time even stole a driver's license. She had bought a small camera but it was the hassle with developing the rolls and then storing the photos somewhere where no one could find them. So she started sketching. It was something she'd done a lot when younger but forgot she liked somewhere along the line. She found she could sketch openly too. She sketched some of the other girls and they didn't find it all that strange when she sketched frequent guests at the club. It gave her something to do when not working and worked well for her investigation. She still hacked the work computer every now and then and could look the customers up. She found some shady pasts but none that really gave her the Mayhem vibe.

So it went on like that for about the first month working Assets. She developed her dancing, got better at shedding clothes on stage and started to at least get a bit used to the intimacy in giving a lap dance or dancing for someone in the champagne room.

She got better skilled at working the area below the stage as well. She could spot the ones who looked more eager to get to know her from the stage and if they fitted the Mayhem profile she headed straight for them. Mostly it was easy to get them talking and some poured out their entire life story so she could easily rule them in or out. She knew she was supposed to make sure they paid for her company and attention but she stretched that rule a little if she felt he could be the one she was looking for.

When she didn't have a target for the time being she went by the club's 'rules'. The trick was to build the customer's ego and take money from them. Smiling and eye-contact were truly the two most important aspects but after that initial contact other assets usually appealed more to the men. Legs and breasts were at the top of attention stealers but she had some weird ones that got mesmerized by a different body part. Like this one customer that wanted to rub her elbow when they talked. Another one would constantly keep his eyes on her belly button whenever she was at his table and another one wanted to have her feet in his lap. Feet were actually up there on the list too. Amanda had stopped being surprised by fetishes after her many years working sex crimes but you saw it a little differently when you were the target for them.

She also learnt it was good to keep them hungry. You should be friendly and available but only if they were willing to pay for it. As for the money it was still good but once you'd been there for a while you learnt there was a house-fee that management took from your paycheck and shoes and clothes weren't cheap. Jim was a good boss though and he provided some clothes for you, Amanda had gotten at least four sets of outfits the few weeks she'd worked here now. One girl said it was his way of keeping her around and Amanda figured she could be right but it was still sweet of him. He had also paid for her hair and nails and Amanda learnt he paid for some of the bill if you went by Mona's salon near the club.

Amanda could see though why some of the girls got stuck here. They got used to a somewhat glamorous living with a lot of partying, alcohol and drugs. Rent took some of the money too and then it was the money most girls spent on keeping themselves fit. Amanda regularly took yoga classes with Sierra these days and even though they weren't that expensive they weren't cheap either.

When Amanda asked Sierra for some help to develop her stage work she was quick to do so. Jim and Trina had no problem with them using the stage to practice before the club opened, they were all for it actually. Sierra and some of the other girls helped her out to develop her use of the pole. Practicing was fun and left a lot of laughter but never to the point Amanda felt as though they laughed at her. They all knew how hard it had been in the beginning and some girls just never learnt any advanced tricks. Amanda was ambitious as always though and Sierra could tell she would be amazing.

It was during one of these practices that Amanda learnt why the club was closed at Mondays. Jim had always called it his day off and compared it with God's Sunday which of course had raised some suspicion for Amanda who figured the Mayhem choker was religious and Jim seemed to be. But apparently Gordon shot porno flicks here then and had been doing for years. Sometimes it was his own productions but he also rented the place out for a high profit to other production companies. Amanda asked if any of them had ever done that, meaning porn flicks, and some had but most of them shrunk their noses at it. It just didn't pay enough unless you were with a really professional company and Gordon's didn't seem to be.

Sierra later retorted the question and asked if she was in need of money and if that's why she kept asking about Gordon's businesses. Amanda had been a bit sparse with Shay's background since she didn't feel good about lying too much to Sierra. Amanda knew Sierra wasn't stupid and just to cover why she was asking all these questions she told Sierra she was in deed in need of money.

Sierra then went ahead and told her there was a reason why she never took Amanda up on her offer to hang out together on Mondays when the club was closed. That wasn't because she was doing porno flicks she added with a wink. No she was doing something else for Gordon it seemed. He arranged rather elaborated parties for very wealthy men, at least they needed to cash up a lot of dough to get an invite. They were held at this place that looked like some fancy chateau and the men all wore a tux and often masks like something out of the movie Eyes wide shut. Sometimes it was just a closed party like ten or something but at times there could be up to a hundred men. Mostly just men but there could be female guests present too. They weren't held every Monday but if not at the chateau Gordon had some other party they could dance at. It did pay a little better than a night at Assets.

"It's full nudity though but that also means no touching while dancing. You need to be a little more dirty while dancing though. Even masturbate. It's good money though and if you're willing to take it further you can earn a whole lot more," Sierra said keeping her voice rather low. Amanda looked at her as she took a mouthful of water. They were both rather exhausted after having worked the pole for over an hour now.

"And by further you mean…" Amanda had to ask.
"Sleep with them," Sierra said up front. Amanda sat quiet as she thought about what she'd just learnt.

"It's not like I don't sleep with them when I work as an escort but the men at these parties are filthy rich I tell ya. The pros are way better. One girl even married one of these men and…" Sierra went on but Amanda zoomed out a little. She got nervous by this news and she wondered if Cassie perhaps picked up her stalker at one of these parties and not here at the club. But Cassie would have mentioned if she worked at this chateau wouldn't she?

"But is it okay to just dance?" Amanda asked once she could focus again.
"Yeah I'm sure Gordon will have you at least, being blonde and all. You could ask him about the Dungeon too," Sierra suggested.

"Dungeon?" Amanda asked and Sierra nodded.
"He has this other place, not sure where it's at cause you're always driven there in the back of a van or something. Surely illegal as hell but you know. All I really know is you walk down a whole lot of stairs and I guess that's why the girls call it a dungeon."

"And what do you do there?"
"Dance, masturbate, screw, a lot of BDSM," she said like it was the most normal thing in the world. She most have caught Amanda's frown though as she continue; "It's perfectly safe though. You're in this sorta glass bowl, whoever watches you are behind the glass. And you sign up for couples and if you're not in to that… well then it's just dancing, masturbating."

"A glass bowl?"
"More a room I guess. Perfectly safe though. Most of the time you don't even see them cause they keep the glass, well like you don't see them but they see you. Like at police stations. Some rooms can turn the mirror though. Not open it but hit some switch that makes the glass see-through somehow. I think it costs extra. Once I had like ten guys in the room and they were all like going wild as hogs in there, but in a fun way you know. I teased them so bad," Sierra started laughing again and Amanda tried to smile. She felt so bad though. She felt bad for Sierra that she had to do these things and also worried that she herself was so close to it without even knowing it.

"You do couples?" Amanda was afraid to ask.
"Of course. It's all fake you know. It's often male escorts or wannabe actors that moonlight just like you. It's just sex but often in costumes. Like the customer want to see you as… well a waitress and the guy as a guest or something and the room is set up like a restaurant or something. It's very often like a boss and you're the secretary, I think a lot of boss' are behind that glass. It's like the number one fantasy I tell ya." Sierra took another mouthful water.

"And is it just one customer or are there more rooms watching you?"
"I don't really know, don't care."

"So you do this often?" Amanda asked.
"Honey, the nights I'm not working Assets I'm down there. Gordon has this schedule going. Raven works there all the time too, and Kiki."

"But you chose if you want to do it alone or…"
"Couple," Sierra filled in when Amanda was lost for the word. "Yeah, you decide what you want to do. But even if you do couple and it gets carried away somehow you can always call red. Is like a wide spread safe word in this industry. I mean you don't have to shout it but you can tell the guy a little discreetly and he will know to settle down some. When you do rape fantasies it can get a little crazy."

"Rape fantasies?" Amanda asked stunned.
"Honey you really are a little virgin when it comes to this aren't you," Sierra smiled and then leaned in to give Amanda a hug. It wasn't that Amanda didn't know it happen, that people had those fantasies but it was still so disgusting when you'd worked with so many rape victims. Amanda was getting a bit jaded but she hadn't come that far yet and she still knew that this could be where potential rapist started and that the fantasies could easily escalate. For a quick second she felt the urge to inform Fin. To have SVU bust it all down. She knew she couldn't alert them yet though, her case was more important right now. But she would write it all down, make sure that the intel reached Fin later on somehow so they could stop that from happening.

"So you want me to ask Gordon if you can join us?" Sierra asked and brought her back to present. Amanda hesitated. She'd worked at Assets for a few weeks now. She'd not gotten a single threat, well at least not one from the Mayhem choker. She knew she wanted to ask Cassie if she'd worked any of these places but she knew already that she'd worked as an escort so it wasn't that far reached to think she had. Amanda was hoping she wouldn't have to do the escort bit but she feared she had to expose herself more and maybe that chateau and the Dungeon were the places to do so?

"If you're worried about deceases and stuff you don't have to, Gordon tests everyone. He's very cautious about that, he takes care of his girls," Sierra said having picked up on Amanda's hesitation.

"I don't think I… I mean, the couples thing, and sleeping…" she left it hanging and hoped Sierra would get it without saying it out loud. Amanda didn't want to offend Sierra either so she wasn't sure what to say.
"It's okay honey, no one will force you and its okay really. Promise," Sierra said kindly and touched Amanda's hand. She was truly one of the kindest people Amanda had met and she wished she could have met her under different circumstances.

"But do you think you could… well touch yourself in front of others? I mean the chateau parties, the dancing you do there compared to here, I mean its way racier there. And often we girls dance together and we touch each other, like intimately. Those rich men love to watch that. Could you do that?" Sierra caught Amanda's ambivalence and gave her a smile as she squeezed her hand a little.

"I can dance with you if it makes you feel better," she suggested. Amanda couldn't help but smile. The thought was strange but still appealing somehow.
"You would?"
"Of course. I love dancing with you here and I tell you it's fun to get a little racy at times," Sierra got a naughty look over her face, a look Amanda saw ever so often and it always made her smile. Sierra lived her life with no regrets and, at least on the outside it looked like, with not many demons. Amanda wished she could be more like Sierra at times.

"And the Dungeon, I mean just imagine yourself masturbating at home in bed. Cause please tell me you do that sometimes girl. You have to learn to live a little," Sierra gave her hand a kiss and Amanda smiled.
"It will be fun. Promise," Sierra said before she got up to go get a shower. They had a shift to start soon after all.

Amanda managed to get a hold of Cassie a little later that day. There had been some developments when it came to Cassie. She had kept getting more and more paranoid and spent more nights at Amanda's. Since Amanda was getting rid of her apartment she couldn't have Cassie there but she also wanted to keep her safe. Amanda suggested she and Bobby get out of town for a while. Cassie came back though and told her Bobby couldn't leave just now, he had some well-paid jobs coming up, and they didn't have the money to go anyway. It seemed those savings weren't going that well.

Amanda offered to get her a ticket out of there and even pay for a hotel for a few weeks.

"Is there anywhere in the States you've always wanted to go but just never gotten a chance to?" Amanda asked her that night as they were lounging on the couch.

"Anywhere," Cassie sighed, "I've only travelled once and that's when I got out of Albany and came down here. We never went anywhere for holidays or anything when I was a kid." They sat silent for a while and sipped on the iced tea Amanda had made them. Amanda remembered how Kim had been just the same. She'd complained they never went anywhere than to Atlanta. And then when she got her first job, stocking groceries at K-mart in Snellville, she quit the very same minute she had enough money for a ticket that took her further than Atlanta. Not that Macon, Georgia was such a bad place but a sixteen year old Kim should not be alone there and of course it had been Amanda who had to take time from college to go get her. But no one had been able to stop those itching feet of hers and she'd probably seen most states in the US. Amanda figured she would have been able to see them all if only… no she couldn't think of her right now.

"But there must be like one place you've dreamed off?" Amanda urged Cassie. Cassie seemed to think about it and then Amanda could clearly see on her face she got an idea.
"Oh I know it's silly but I've always dreamed of going to Italy. My mother used to watch this movie all the time. A room with a view," Cassie sighed a little as she remembered one of the few good childhood memories she had.

"George Emerson and Lucy Honeychurch," Cassie chuckled as she recalled how she'd begged her mom to call her Lucy instead of Cassandra.
"Anyway I've craved everything Italian ever since. And I read in this travel magazine once that they have a replica of you know the leaning tower in Pisa, well they have a replica of it in this place called Niles in Illinois."

"Illinois?" Amanda had to echo. That sounded as exciting to her as a trip to Target. But then again Amanda had never been much for travelling. Give her a mountain somewhere and she was satisfied just climbing it to feel alive and free.

"A smaller one of course but that's a start right? I would love to see that," Cassie said with a smile.
"Well then Niles, Illinois it is. But will you be able to sit tight there for a couple of weeks?" Amanda asked.

"If all I have to do is sit by that replica and dream of Italy I can do that for the rest of the year without growing tired of it," Cassie mused.
"I believe you," Amanda chuckled.

"But are you sure you can send me? I've heard cops get lousy pay checks and, sorry but cops are the worst tippers ever," Cassie said and looked like she really meant it.
"Well detectives earn a little more than street cops but don't worry about it. I want you safe Cassie," Amanda told her honestly. "But you have to promise to not tell anyone where you're going. Can you?"
"Not even Bobby?" Cassie looked upset.

"I would prefer not but if you trust him to not spread it around okay then. But tell him it's very important to not tell anyone where you're at. He can't trust anyone. And try not to contact him, you never know who's listening in Cassie," Amanda tried to sound as serious as she was.
"I won't," Cassie promised and the week before Amanda made her pretend trip to Atlanta, Cassie made her real trip to Niles, Illinois.

Amanda had sent with her a cell phone with a prepaid phone card so she could reach Cassie if she had to. It was only to be used in emergencies but Amanda needed answers and also didn't mind checking in on how Cassie was doing. Amanda called her up from a pay phone outside the motel and Cassie was in a great mood. She'd spent yet another day in the sun by the leaning tower. She read books, something she hadn't done in years, and she helped out this street peddler a bit. He'd given her this beautiful silk scarf as pay and she would get a cute bag if she helped him out another week. Amanda asked her to be careful so the peddler wasn't doing anything illegal and she'd get caught up in it too. It would not be good if her name got in the records since they didn't know how the killer got his information. Cassie ensured her the peddler was all legit and there was nothing to worry about.

Amanda wasn't convinced but she needed to talk to Cassie about other things right now.

"Why didn't you tell me about the Dungeon and Gordon's chateau parties?" Amanda asked. "Did you work there?"
"Yeah, well, yes I did. I told you I worked for Gordon," Cassie tried to explain.
"But you never mentioned any dungeon or chateau?"
"Well it's not like I'm all that proud of it. I mean being an escort is bad enough but those places are just creepy."
"What do you mean creepy?"

"Well at the chateau these men walk around in these scary masks in these amazing but ghastly rooms and they just stare at you. And I mean I know what I do as an escort is more or less being a prostitute but the men at that chateau they are just… cruel. The amount of money you get isn't worth what they put you through," Cassie said and Amanda could hear she was close to crying.

"Okay, I get it. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you. I was just so shocked when Sierra told me about those places earlier today," Amanda explained and felt bad for making Cassie feel bad.

"You're not planning on working there are you?" Cassie asked with concern. Amanda took a few seconds to think about it and watched a car drive by meanwhile. It was clearly slowing down to see if she was a working girl. The driver seemed hesitant but drove off once he realized she was on the phone and not out there to sell herself.

"Please don't do that Amanda, the police won't be able to protect you in there or down there," Cassie begged. Amanda hadn't really told Cassie the truth. She had no idea she was doing this all on her own. Amanda had sort of kept Cassie believing she was doing this with back-up.

"Did you ever run into your stalker at those places?" Amanda asked. The void told her Cassie had something to say here.
"I think so," she finally answered sounding very pitiful.
"You have to tell me Cassie," Amanda said but tried to keep her voice from sounding angry.

"I mean I can't be sure but there was this one time down in the Dungeon…" Amanda could hear Cassie's heavy breathing on the other line and she just gave her time to tell her whatever it was that had happen in her own speed.
"I think it was before that first note but it could have been just after too, I'm just not sure."
"That's okay Cassie, just tell me."

"I should have put it all together but I mean some of the fantasies we reenact down there… they just get crazy at times. And that day I was just supposed to play a victim. That's all it said. I would be the victim and this guy I knew would be the one… well you know. It usually just said something like rape fantasy and I guess we just figured that's what it was and that's how we played it. Well in the dungeon there's these like mirror walls but the customers can sorta open them up, like so you can see them." This Sierra had already told Amanda but she didn't see any harm in getting it explained again to get a more nuanced image in case she would have to go down there herself.

"And as we were at it he did. The customer who'd asked for the victim scenario that is. He opened it up and I saw him. He had a mask on though. And a mask just like the ones they wear at the chateau. I mean it doesn't have to mean anything but he just looked like he could have been at the chateau as well."

"What did he look like?"
"I told you he wore a mask," Cassie said quickly.
"Yeah I know but clothes? Height? Thin or heavy set? Hair? Did you see anything on him?"

"Well I guess average height, and he wasn't heavy. Maybe a bit taller actually. He had hair, brown I think but it was rather dark in there. I saw mostly the front of him and he wore like just plain, and dark, clothes. He looked a bit scary though even though I couldn't see him properly. I looked away cause it was just… weird. Something about how he was standing. Like lurking. Like almost like the second guy in that alley outside Assets."

"Could it have been the same guy Cassie?" Amanda couldn't hide her excitement.
"Yeah I guess. I dunno. I guess they wore about the same clothes and the man in the alley was also taller and not heavy set at all."

Amanda's head had been racing at this point. Everything just seemed connected. This was so obviously the guy. The Mayhem choker. Lurking. Weird. Rape fantasy. Victim. Why did he want to see these women as victims? Who had been a victim? Had he been a victim? His mother? Had he seen something he shouldn't have seen? As a child perhaps? That would screw with a child's head.

"Amanda?" Cassie said her name for the third time but it was the first time Amanda registered it.
"Yeah, Cassie, yeah I'm here," Amanda said rapidly.
"Please tell me you're not thinking of doing something stupid," Cassie begged.
"I won't," Amanda said.

"Don't go there. Don't get mixed in with it."
"Sierra said I could just dance, that Gordon wanted girls who just danced at the chateau as well," Amanda said to calm her down.
"No Amanda don't. He'll talk you into it. I know. Don't play with Gordon."
"Could Gordon be the one behind the mask?" Amanda decided to just come out and ask it. Cassie was silent for a while.

"I don't know," she answered finally.
"What does your gut feeling tell you?" Amanda tried.
"My gut just tells me I'm so sorry I drag you and your sister in to this. Kim would have been alive if it wasn't for me," Cassie was crying now, Amanda heard it.

"No Cassie. It's not your fault. I don't blame you. Don't ever think that. This is a sicko Cassie, unfortunately they're out there but this one we're going to stop okay?"
"Okay," Cassie sobbed.

"Could it be Gordon Cassie?"
"I don't know. I think Gordon's a little bit heavier but I'm not sure. I'm sorry Amanda," Cassie was sniffling.
"It's okay Cassie. You've been very helpful," Amanda tried to convince her.

"I've gotta go now okay," Amanda said as she started to feel like the darkness was creeping up on her a little, "but you stay safe and hidden okay?"
"You stay safe too Amanda," Cassie said and they hung up once they'd said their goodbyes. It would be the last time Amanda spoke to Cassie.

Amanda kept in contact with Fin even after she supposedly left for Atlanta. He'd asked her to check in from time to time when she felt up for it and when he'd send a couple of texts she just felt like calling him one night so she did. It was so nice to hear his voice but it was hard for her to not fall to pieces while talking to him. She just missed him and even though she knew she could be on his door step in less than 30 minutes it felt like he was miles away. They ended up talking for a long time. He asked her about the funeral and she brushed by it quickly and she knew he didn't probe cause he thought it upset her. He was just so caring.

He asked her if she'd seen the latest major league games and she told him of course. She had seen most of them, thankfully there were reruns since she worked most nights. They exchanged some fast insults about the players since they cheered for different teams. She'd laughed a few times and for the duration of the talk she almost forgot she no longer was the Amanda he'd known and worked with.

She got a few more chances to talk to him before it was time to shut her work phone off for good. She'd worked out a plan to get her phone and badge back to her captain along with her notice letter. The plan was to use the only childhood friend she kept contact with. They had a long past but first became good friends in high school when they played on the same softball team. Claire had probably been her first best friend since she kept mostly to herself during the entire grade school. She still to this day didn't fully understand why Claire had bothered to stick with her, I mean it wasn't like she was that fun to hang around with. She had constant watch on her sister and didn't do much more than school and softball. But Claire had been persistent for some odd reason and Claire's mom had been so nice too. Amanda did spend quite a lot of time at their house once Kim got her own friends and no longer wanted to hang after her big sister constantly. It was somewhere around there after they moved into her grandmother's house. Things had just escalated for a period as her mom was popping more pills than usual, probably to get over the grief she tried to hide after losing her mother. Pills usually made her drowsy which meant she slept a lot and her current boyfriend was just... annoying. So Claire's house had been a good place to hide out.

She'd been able to repay Claire her kindness once Claire found herself in some trouble her senior year in college and the following years to come. Claire's mom died and she just lost her footing a bit. Amanda had been able to be there for her, Amanda knew how to handle messes and come out on the right side of them. Claire got married a few years later and now had two adorable kids. Amanda figured she could trust Claire but she'd started to probe once Amanda asked her for the first favor and she just knew she couldn't ask more of her. That only left former squad members as an option and out of those ones she trusted her old partner Bryce the most. Thankfully he agreed to collect a package for her and drop it in the mail. She didn't have time to worry about if he would fulfill his commitment or not cause that night she was dancing at one of Gordon's chateau parties for the first time and she was nervous as hell.

A few days prior Gordon had more or less cornered her in the dressing room at Assets. She hadn't seen him coming in as she was facing the other way and when he made his presence noticed by clearing his throat a little she'd jumped. Since she was in the middle of changing she hurried to cover her chest up with the top she hadn't gotten over her head just yet. He didn't apologize for scaring her and since she hadn't really spoken to him before she wasn't sure how to approach him. He kept scanning her from top to toe a little until it got even more awkward but then thankfully he spoke.

"So Sierra told me you're willing to dance for me." His voice was a little lighter than she'd imagined. For some reason she'd just figured he would have a deeper voice.
"Well, yeah, dancing. I can do that," she stammered a little.
"Well I know that, I've seen you on stage. You're good," it looked as though he smiled a little but she wasn't completely sure, it could've been a brief frown.
"Thanks," she said and tried not to squirm under his piercing eyes. There was yet another awkward silence.
"I hope she told you though that I'm not... sleeping with anyone," she couldn't stand the silence and decided to throw it out there. He just gave her a nod which wasn't the firm acknowledgement she was hoping for.

"So I have a party coming up on Thursday," he said.
"Oh I thought it was Monday's," Amanda said.
"That's at the house. This is a bit more private party." Amanda didn't like the sound of that.

"How private?" she dared to ask and hoped he wouldn't mind her need to know.
"It's a company party, around thirty guests. Sierra will be there, you'll be five girls all and all," Gordon informed her and nothing in his face told her he was pissed. Nothing told her he was pleased either though.

"Oh okay. I think I'm working here Thursday though." Gordon just shook his head calmly.
"Don't worry about it, I'll see to it. Sierra has the information you'll need." Gordon looked as though he was about to walk out again.

"What should I wear? Or bring?" Amanda asked and took a step towards him. He turned around very slowly and gave her one of his vacant looks.
"I provide the outfits so wear whatever before you get there. There's room to touch up once you get there but do most of your hair and make-up beforehand." And with that he left. She was left not really knowing how she should feel.

She caught up with Sierra a little later that night and she seemed to already know Amanda would join them that Thursday. She got to know two other girls from the club would join too so there would be familiar faces and Sierra told her to not worry, this one would be strictly dancing for all of them. Maybe some lap dances afterwards but that was all. She told Amanda to come by her place before and they could do their hair and make-up together. Amanda happily accepted that offer.

She wasn't sure a company party where the place that the Mayhem choker would be at but she guessed she had to start somewhere.

Amanda was expected back to work that same day she was dancing at Gordon's party but she had to buy another few days since she hadn't been able to get her badge to Atlanta as fast as she wanted. She hadn't been brave enough to call up Cragen directly so she'd used Fin. She texted him and asked for the rest of the week. He'd tried to call her back almost immediately but she couldn't talk to him right now. He'd kept calling though. When she got back home to the motel after having worked Assets she had five missed calls and one text on the phone she kept hidden in a cut in the mattress. All were from him. She'd woken up from the mattress buzzing. She had a bit of a hang-over from yesterday and weren't really on alert so she didn't get to the phone fast enough. He called back a little later though and this time she decided to pick up.

"Hey," she answered silently as she slid down in one corner of the room that was now her home. She didn't want anyone to hear their conversation.
"Hey," he said sounding cheerful. She figured he was probably happy that she finally picked up and it made her feel even more rotten.
"How are things?" he asked when she didn't speak.
"Okay," she said shortly since she didn't trust her voice completely.
"Your mom getting to you?" he asked knowing at least as much as that they had a straining relationship and he could tell something was off with his partner.
"It's okay," she just said not wanting to lie further.
"So I cleared it with the cap, no problem," he said.
"Thanks," she whispered and kept peeling a little at the loose piece of wallpaper she'd found where she was at.
"But you're coming back Monday right?" he asked sounding a bit nervous.
"Yeah of course," she said and had to bite down on her lip afterwards. There was a rather long silent pause.
"You sure you're okay?" he asked.
"Yeah, I just…" she started but then heard someone on Fin's side. He answered whoever it was that he would be there in a sec.
"Sorry Manda, you were saying…" he said when he came back to her.
"Nothing. You have to run?" she asked not really wanting to hang up just yet.
"Me run?" he asked and it made her chuckle.
"I got time for you," he said once she went quiet again. Her smile turned downwards immediately and tears came from nowhere. How could she do this to him? She was such a bad person.
"Talk to me," he asked having a hunch something was off.
"I'm just..," she started but wasn't sure what to say without giving away too much.
"I dunno I'm just tired. I'm sorry," she said hastily to try and get away from the subject of her mood.
"Don't be, you're allowed to feel tired. You've had a bad run," he said trying to make her feel better. She just hummed for an answer since she couldn't really speak with her throat all closed up.
"Well we're heading out but can I call you later?" Fin said after another silent pause. Amanda cleared her throat knowing she had to answer this one.
"No I'm heading out later. My former squad mates, they'll keep me busy the next few days I'm here so I might not be able to talk to you," she said.
"Oh okey," he said sounding a bit disappointed but tried to hide it; "that's great. It's all good. I'm sure they miss you."
"I dunno about that but it will be fun to hang out," she said.
"Okey, I might try and call you anyway but I'll see you Monday then if I don't catch you before that," Fin said and she could hear the familiar ding from the elevator at precinct 16.
"Yeah Monday," she repeated.
"Take care Manda and make sure to have some fun tonight," Fin said.
"I will, thanks."
"Bye."
"Bye," she said and hung up immediately.

She buried her head in her knees for a while, covering it with her arms. She sat there until she felt she had her emotions under control again. Then she turned her phone off and got up so she could place it in the package she'd prepared. She would go by the postal office a little later as she headed over to Sierra's to prepare for the night. That was still hours away though and she spent the day going through her notes and went through her suspects for the millionth time.

Gordon was still her number one suspect at the club. He was originally from Chicago but then his name had been Grigory Golov, the son of Russian immigrants. He was born in the States but his older brother and sister were born in Russia. He changed his name on his eighteenth birthday. He was still in Chicago when the I-90 and I-95 killer were active and even though it wasn't exactly near-by she didn't find it impossible that he would travel to kill. Over the years he had businesses all over east US. According to the records he'd even owned a club in Atlanta at one point, before she joined APD though. He'd been active in both North and South Carolina and had a residence in New Jersey before he moved to New York. He still owned the residence in NJ though and a property in New Hampshire as well.

He had a sealed juvie record from Chicago and after that he'd been picked up for many illegal affairs but it seemed the police just never could connect him to anything. But Amanda knew that he was involved in a whole lot of sketchy businesses and she would get proof off it. If he turned out to not be her killer he would still hopefully get brought down by the evidence she would collect on him. He did fit her profile of the killer though. He moved around Assets like a shadow. His age fit, he wore a cross, seemed a little antisocial.

He had been married at one point and had two children. Mother and children had been registered at a different address after the divorce though and the mother had custody of the now adult children.

Amanda had more or less ruled out the other bartender as the killer but two of the bouncers remained on her list even though she had high doubts.

As for the customers she'd been able to identify three that fit her profile of the killer on paper but in person they just seemed more normal than she expected the killer to be. She knew however that the killer must be a good chameleon if he'd made it this long without detection. She had another three regular customers that paid her a lot of interest up front and another two that always kept their eye on her but never approached and even shied away when she tried to approach them. These five she hadn't been able to identify. She had first names on the three social ones but couldn't confirm they used their real names and she hadn't been able to pickpocket any business cards or anything from them.

So eight customers she kept an eye out for whenever she left the club but she was always scanning her surroundings for familiar faces. She just wished someone could make a move. Someone could threaten her so this could go down. She'd always been restless, no difference now.

She got to Sierra's a little early but she didn't seem to mind. The other girls from the club were going to come over too a little later. Meanwhile Amanda and Sierra fixed their hair. Sitting in front of the mirror curling her hair next to Sierra who was flattening hers she could pretend for a while that they were just two friends going out clubbing. But soon Sierra started talking about Gordon's previous parties and reality hit like a fist in the gut.

Cassie had made them sound a bit freakish and talked about sick things that the guests asked her to do but Sierra seemed to view them differently. She focused a lot on the money she made and Amanda couldn't help but wonder if that was some defense she used to distance herself from the truth.

"But don't you never run into someone sick, like someone who asks you to do something... creepy?" Amanda tried.
"Yeah sure sometimes but I think it's my strong vibe you know? Men who go for me seem to be the submissive type so mostly I get to be in charge. I'm the one sticking it to them rather than the other way around if you get my drift," Sierra smiled and Amanda smiled back even though she didn't really want to get it.

"Have you ever been hurt?" Amanda asked carefully and she caught Sierra's brief hesitation.
"Sure, I think every girl has at one point or another but let's not talk about that. You'll be fine Shay, I'll be right there with you," Sierra gave her a confident smile.
"But... what if you... go with someone afterwards?"
"You'll get a lift back, don't worry Shay," Sierra just said. One of the other girls showed up soon thereafter and it didn't take long until the music was pumping and again it felt as they were just a couple of girls going out clubbing. Amanda tried to relax but she couldn't lie to herself, she was nervous. She felt unprepared for tonight's party and how she should behave and how to perform.

The strip club felt more on her terms in some fucked up way. This was so out of her control and more in the hands of a man that could be her killer. Nothing about that felt good.

"Hey c'mon Shay, loosen up," Raven told her and tried to get her up out of the couch. Amanda let herself get pulled up and tried to smile. Raven placed a kiss on her cheek and tried to get her to shake it out a little. Amanda figured Sierra had told her she was nervous or perhaps it was written all over her face.

"Okay, Sierr, mix this girl a serious glass of liquid courage," Raven shouted to Sierra who was over in the small kitchen area fixing new drinks for them. Sierra called Amanda over and Raven joined the other girls who were down on their knees in front of Sierra's CD collection trying to find something new to listen to.

"Okay seriously Shay," Sierra said as she decorated the martini glasses with lemon slices on the tray in front of her, "maybe you should just drop out of this?" Amanda shook her head a little, she felt angry with herself that she couldn't hide her nerves better.
"Are you sure?" Sierra asked as she faced her.
"I need the money," Amanda said quietly and hoped Sierra would drop it. Sierra kept staring at her though. She turned her head after a while and called Kiki over.

"You have some G?" she asked and Kiki nodded and then turned to fetch her purse.
"G?" Amanda asked nervously hoping it wasn't what she thought it was. Kiki came back and got a small box of tampons out of her purse. She opened up the bottom of it and out came a small zip lock bag with small white pills that seemed to be cut in half.

"Just take a half, it will make you relax," Sierra told her and Kiki held out her hand with half a pill between her fingers.
"I shouldn't..." Amanda said shaking her head a little.
"I do it all the time," Kiki said, "it will just make you relax, you can still drink and it's such a small amount it's not like it will kill you or anything." She moved her hand a little urging Amanda to accept the pill. Amanda held her hand out and Kiki dropped it in her palm.

"It will help you through the first time and next time you won't need it," Sierra smiled and handed her a Martini glass to wash the pill down with. Sierra grabbed the trey and she and Kiki made their way into the living room area.

"Grab your Crantinis ladies," Sierra sang.

Amanda kept her eyes on the pill in her hand. Or half the pill. She knew it wasn't a good idea. She knew she had to keep her head clear for when the killer struck. But he wouldn't be at a company party right? She hadn't even received a threat from the Mayhem choker. Sure she couldn't be completely certain he sent threats to all his victims but a serial rarely swayed from his MO. He could refine his methods, get more elaborated but surely he wouldn't skip them all together. She quickly moved her hand to her mouth and like that the pill went down her throat. She took a gulp of the crantini and that was that. Just relax she told herself and then joined the rest of the girls so she would stop thinking. Raven had dissed Sierra's CD collection and plugged her phone in instead and Amanda smiled as the girls were getting down and dirty as usual.

About an hour later they were at the street corner that Gordon had told them to be. Raven and Kiki were over talking to a couple of guys in a car. The guys had taken them for hookers earlier, Amanda couldn't blame them. A large black SUV drove up and Sierra called out for the girls to get moving. Amanda jumped in right after Sierra and she spotted Gordon in the passenger seat. A guy she'd never seen sat behind the wheel. She would later get to know him by the name Frank. Or 'get to know' was an overstatement. Frank rarely spoke, he seemed to be Gordon's driver slash bodyguard and if he wasn't in the same room as Gordon you'd find him in the next room.

Amanda kept her eyes open to where they were driving. She was feeling less nervous now, almost completely calm actually but her head felt clear.

They drove into Manhattan and started to slow down outside a fancy hotel that Amanda knew she could only dream to check in to.

"The kitchen entrance," Gordon told the Frank and he took the car around the corner. Gordon jumped out and open the door for the ladies while Frank went to the back of the car to get something. Amanda just followed the other girls as they seemed to know the drill. Gordon led them inside and Amanda saw him hand a guy that was waiting for them inside some money. That guy took the lead and Gordon gestured for them to follow. Frank took the back and Amanda could see now that he was carrying some clothes on hangers. They took the service elevator up and Amanda saw the number tick until they reached the top floor. The hotel guy pointed to a door and then left them to ride back down. Gordon opened the door and let the girls go in first. It looked as a plain conference room with a round table and some chairs.

"Okay so Frank has your outfits for tonight, you'll find some accessories in the bag. I'm going to go talk to a guy and I'll be back in let's say ten and I want you ready then," Gordon said flippant and headed towards the door. He paused though and turned back; "No underwear ladies," he said before he headed out. Frank put the hangers and the bag on the table and then went to stand by the door. Sierra handed Amanda the hanger that had Shay's name on it and then grabbed her own.

"Called it," Raven said as she opened up her costume bag, "I knew they were going to be some rich ass office types." Amanda had unzipped her bag and saw what looked like some type of secretary look.

"Awesome, I do my best work on my knees under a desk," Kiki said and the girls laughed. Amanda laughed too without even thinking twice. They all changed and paid no attention to the fact Frank was in the room. Amanda got in the black skirt and white shirt Gordon had brought for her. She asked Sierra if she should leave her thigh high stockings on and she answered 'absolutely' after taking a quick look. Amanda slipped out of her underwear though and left them with the rest of her clothes on the table.

"Catch," Sierra sad and Amanda grabbed a hold of the fake glasses she'd tossed her way. Amanda put them on and then walked up next to Raven to see how she looked in the mirror on the wall.
"Bad ass secretaries," Raven smiled and then pouted her lips a little.
"You're gorgeous," Amanda said and really meant it. Raven had this really good rack that looked awesome in the secretary shirt. She'd left the top buttons open which gave a good look down her cleavage.
"Thanks sugarplum, you're not so bad yourself," she smiled at the compliment and then smacked Amanda's butt before she walked away. Amanda looked at herself in the mirror. She didn't really see gorgeous but she would do she guessed. She hadn't noticed Sierra who walked up behind her but took notice as her hands came up around her neck. She undid Amanda's top button and folded down her collar a little.

"You feeling okay?" Sierra asked and Amanda nodded. She was feeling okay, she felt oddly relaxed.
"You look smashing," Sierra sad and Amanda gave her a big smile in the mirror. Even though Amanda's heels were higher Sierra still had a few inches on her.
"We're going to kill tonight," Sierra smiled.

Gordon came back soon thereafter and told them everything was set up. The party guests had apparently had dinner downstairs and were now gathered at the rooftop bar and lounge that they had all for themselves tonight. He went on to tell them they would have a few drinks with the guests to begin with, mingle a little and then at his cue they'd dance on this plateau over the pool. Sierra grabbed Amanda's hand and they walked out of the room behind the rest. Frank took the flank though as before. Amanda heard the cheers before she saw where they originated from. They'd stepped into this beautiful open area with luxurious seating and a lit up bar with all these bottles lined up. The area extended out on this patio where she saw a lit up pool and then this amazing view of New York. It was first after she'd registered the amazing room she registered the people in it. She wasn't sure if it was 20 or 30 or 40 men there, they all looked the same from her point of view. They all wore dark tuxes with ties and all of them seemed to have a drink in their hand. She couldn't see their mouths moving but someone was obviously cheering and even barking.

Kiki had taken the lead since Gordon had stepped to the side and then joined Frank back at the door. She took them over to the bar and the bartender started putting drinks on the bar for them.

"Can you mingle?" Sierra whispered to her without letting go off her hand and Amanda nodded. Mingle was just talking and... well talking right? She could totally do that. She took the drink Sierra handed to her and then she felt someone grab the hand Sierra had just held on to. It was a guy in his 40s, dark, slicked back hair and he smiled.

"You wanna come with me?" he asked and she just smiled and followed. He brought her out on the patio and she let her eyes wander around all the beautiful lights surrounding it. The sun was setting behind the building they were in and with all the lights it gave the patio a somewhat mystic atmosphere.

"I'm Brian," the man said and she looked at him. He turned away again as he led her further out. They passed a group of men and they seemed to follow them over to a circular couch. Brian asked her to have a seat and she plumped down and he took the seat next to her. The couch filled up rather fast and Amanda felt someone sit down on the frame behind her. She took a sip of her drink and it tasted really fresh.

"So what's your name?" Brian asked as he leaned into her. She let the fluid go down her throat and smiled at how nice it felt.
"Shay," she heard herself answer. Brian repeated it and added it was a very nice name, that it suited her. She smiled at him.
"So Shay," Brian smiled and moved in even closer to her, "you come here often?" She chuckled at that and looked around the group of men as she heard them laugh too.
"Do you?" she countered and watched the men laugh again. Someone, someone else than Brian, started to tell her it was the first time they were here at this exact hotel.
"But if we knew they kept such nice looking ladies up here we would have come sooner," he smiled and showed off a perfect row of whites.
"Better late than never," she said and had another taste of her drink. She noticed Brian had his hand on her arm, she hadn't felt it resting there.

"So you're going to dance for us a little later?" Briand asked and she nodded.
"I bet you're excellent," he said and played a little with a string of her hair that had fallen forward.
"You dance for a living?" he asked and she nodded.
"What do you do?" she heard herself ask.
"We're business men," the guy to her other side answered.
"Your outfits kinda gave that away," she said.
"Yeah?" Brian said and she turned her head back towards him. "Well your outfit kinda gave your business away too." She watched his hand land on her knee but she couldn't feel it for some reason. It wandered up her leg a little but again she couldn't feel it. She was aware of the fact she wasn't wearing underwear though but working the main area at Assets she'd learnt by now to keep her legs crossed.

"Oh I thought I did such a good job posing as your secretary," she said with pouting lips and the men chuckled.
"Oh baby you can be my secretary any day," the guy to her right said.
"Even though I can't type?" she asked and he said that would not be a problem. They kept a bit of banter up and Amanda got to use that quick tongue of hers and the men seemed to like it. Someone swopped the glass in her hand but she wasn't sure why but the next drink tasted just as fresh as the last one and she didn't complain.

After a while Brian suggested she'd make herself a little more comfortable and told her to get her legs up on his lap.

"Are you sure it's for my comfort or yours?" she asked and smiled cheekily.
"You got me, a little of both," he admitted but she still got her legs up and his hands quickly started wandering up and down her legs. This meant she leaned in a little towards the guy on her right and he wasn't slow to put his arm up around her shoulders. This new position also meant she got a better look at the guy sitting behind her, he caught her attention even more as he reached down and touched her face, told her she was very beautiful.

Again she noticed she had a really hard time registering that he actually touched her as she couldn't feel it. Something within told her it wasn't good, that she should pay more attention to what was going on but this was also a nice feeling. Unattached. Free. Suddenly she saw Sierra's smiling face hovering above her.

"Sorry guys, I need to snatch this secretary from you," she said and the men sounded a bit disappointed.
"Don't you worry we're going to put up quite a show for you all handsome suits," Sierra purred and the men sounded less disappointed. Sierra had taken Amanda's glass from her and handed it to the guy behind her. Sierra got her up on her feet and then rearranged her shirt a little before she brought her away from the couch area she'd spent almost an hour in.

"You doin' okay Shay?" Sierra asked as they made their way back towards the bar. Amanda had a bit of a hard time focusing since there was a man with a microphone standing on the pool and she was very occupied with the fact a man was walking on water. As they got closer though Amanda realized the pool had a glass stage and he wasn't in fact performing a miracle in front of her eyes.

"I think I could use some water," she told Sierra and her friend nodded. They joined the other girls at the bar and Sierra leaned over to the bartender to ask for a glass of water. She handed Amanda the water once she'd received it and Amanda quickly took a few large gulps of it. It helped tremendously and she felt as though she was able to take deep breaths again which she also was in need of she realized. She was also happy to register she could feel Sierra's hand on her cheek when she stroke it gently.

The man with the microphone was saying something about how proud he was off his guys and the good job they'd done this year and how the mid-year progress looked awesome.

Sierra leaned into Amanda and asked her close to her ear; "Can you stay on the platform? I'm not really feeling like taking a plunge right now." Sierra had a smile on her face as she came up in front of her again. Amanda nodded.

"I feel better. Thanks," Amanda smiled.
"You're awesome," Sierra smiled and gave her cheek a kiss.

The men with the microphone had again said something that made 'his guys' cheer, whistle and applaud. The man finished off by telling them to empty the bar and that it was now time for their main reward. It was time for the secretaries to do what they were best used for; to undress.

The man walked off during the loudest cheer so far and he gestured for the ladies to get up there. Amanda followed Sierra up and out on the pool as some remix of 50 cent's Candy Shop started to blast out of the speakers. It was like one of the most well played songs at Assets and even Amanda had given plenty of lap dances to it by now. It was easy for Amanda to just get into the rhythm as Sierra started dancing in front of her. She focused on just staying in the middle of the platform. She felt a bit self-conscious whenever her eyes went out over the hungry eyes all around the pool so she tried keeping her eyes on the nice lights that surrounded the patio. It was truly such an amazing spot, one she'd never visited before. She suddenly felt arms coming around her but didn't need to worry as she saw Sierra's well-manicured nails and her long dark arms. Somehow she managed to sway in rhythm with Sierra as she undid the buttons in her shirt, it seemed she was behind in the undressing section and Sierra had decided to help out. Amanda's eyes were caught on a man's face. He was right by the pool, hunched over a little and it looked as though he was howling like some mad dog. Amanda didn't take notice of Sierra's hands that caressed her torso as she at the same time slid Amanda's shirt off her shoulders.

The song tuned out and she heard Sierra's laugh in her ear before she registered the next song that came on. The first few notes of Pussycat Doll's Don't cha hit her ears as Sierra came around in front of her. It was Sierra's song at Assets and she had the biggest grin over her face. She owned this song and the girls gave her room to do some of her routine. By the end of the song they'd all shed their skirts and for the third and last song they all danced in just their shoes and some in their stockings. Amanda started to feel a bit confined as she just felt she was a part of some heap of naked skin. Everyone danced so close and even though she liked these girls it felt strange to see their hands on her body but not fully feeling the touch. She wasn't sure where she ended and the next girl started, it all just got stiffening and when the song ended she felt a big relief once she realized she could walk down. The cheers were almost head blowing but she had a hard time taking any appreciation from them.

Frank was standing by the pool side as they walked off and helped each girl slip into a skimpy, satin robe as they walked by him. Amanda got a look from him when she said thanks and she quickly draped the robe around her instantly wishing it could give her more coverage than it did. They all were given another drink and then it seemed they were supposed to mingle again. This time around Amanda didn't feel as confident as earlier. She didn't feel like talking right now. She found an arm snaked around her waist quickly though and off she went again.

She tried the drink but it tasted more bitter than fresh this time around and she shrunk her nose a little. Someone seemed to have picked up on that cause very soon she found her drink replaced by a different one in a whole other color. She could hear men talk to her and she answered them like on autopilot. Across the room she saw Sierra up on a table swinging what looked like a tie around in the air above her head. Her robe had slipped open but she didn't seem to mind at all.

Amanda's eyes wandered further and she found Raven up on a couch giving what looked like two men simultaneously a lap dance. She found the fourth girl doing about the same thing as Raven at the other side of the pool but she couldn't find Kiki and just hoped she wasn't down on her knees somewhere doing what she'd implied she was good at earlier.

"C'mon why don't I take that from you," the man in front of her said and took the glass from her hand, "so you can help my friend out here a little." There was no doubt who his friend was as he'd sat down on a single chair right in front of them and even though Amanda's mind was a little slow it was no doubt what he needed help with. His legs were spread widely and he gestured for her to get over to him.

"Gimme some of what we saw earlier," he smiled, "Come sit on my lap." Amanda's eyes quickly went around the group of at least seven men that were gathered around. She felt herself get pushed forward by hands on her ass and they copped a feel as they did so.

She spun her head around a little to make sure Gordon and Frank were still around and she found them at their spot by the door. This entire situation just felt as though it could escalate at any moment. She didn't feel safe and she hated that feeling. She remembered what Sierra had told her a while ago about being dominant and how men seemed to just don't look down on her. Amanda decided this was her time to step up, to show these men she was in charge.

"You want some of this?" she asked the man and gestured down her own body. He nodded with his tongue hanging slightly outside of his mouth. Some of his buddies laughed at his eagerness.
"You think you can handle this?" she asked and tried to sell it even to herself. It took every fiber in her body to approach the man and she had to work hard to not let the fear be displayed on her face. She couldn't remember a time when she'd ever felt this exploited and so vulnerable. The only thing she could compare it with was holding on to her sister that day on the pavement.

The men's hands went places they had no right to visit and the only way to get away from them was to keep moving. She was thankful for the numbness in her skin, their hands washed over her but still left stains on the inside. She wasn't sure how many men she'd given lap dances to when she finally saw Gordon motion to her to come over. She tied her robe back up for the numerous time and she withdrew from the gathering having to maneuver free from a man that tried to get her to stay by grabbing on to her.

"Time to go," Gordon said quietly once she got closer and for the time being she felt safe just being near him. Sierra caught up to her as they made their way back to the conference room where they'd changed outfits earlier.
"A bit of a wild crowd eh?" she smiled and seemed a little out of breath. Amanda tried to give her a smile.
"The younger ones always are," Sierra winked at her. As they made their way back Amanda noticed Gordon handing out what looked like key cards to the rest of the girls. Amanda didn't get one so she had a pretty good idea she knew what was going on. Once they got back to the conference room the other girls just grabbed their clothes and Sierra said; "See you around." Frank seemed to go with them and she was left alone with Gordon.

He had shifty eyes and she wasn't sure what to do, if she should get dressed or what?

"I'm going to drive you home, get dressed, I'll wait outside," he finally said after an awkward silence and walked out. Fear came rushing back as she realized she would be alone with him. She wasn't sure if it was fear from the notion he could be the Mayhem choker or if it was fear of him as a person. She felt close to tears as she got dressed. Why hadn't she prepared better? What would happen if she died now? Would her evidence in her motel room be enough to convict someone? Why had she had so much alcohol? What the hell was she doing here?

She carried the silk robe close to her chest as she walked out. She had no idea what happen to the secretary outfit, last she'd seen any of that outfit pieces had been floating around in the pool.

Just like he said he was waiting outside, he looked up from his phone and checked her over quickly.

"I can take that," he said and took the robe from her. She followed him over to the elevator and they rode down in silence. They walked out through the kitchen and no one seemed to pay any attention to them. The only time she met a pair of eyes was when a waiter almost walked in to her, the look in his eyes was very different from the way the men up on that patio had looked at her. No this man didn't like her one bit and it was obvious even with just one look. She apologized, looked down and hurried past him.

"Get in the front," Gordon said as they got out in the alley and she did as told. He got behind the wheel and backed out of the alley. His hand landed briefly on her seat right next to her shoulder as he turned his head around and she froze at the proximity. He asked her where to and she gave him the name of the street where her motel was at. She felt a little better as she realized he was actually driving towards Brooklyn but she wasn't able to relax completely.

"You were good tonight," Gordon suddenly said as they'd driven for more than ten minutes in complete silence. He didn't look at her and she dared to peek at him through the darkness of the cabin.
"How did you like it?" he asked. She gave it a few seconds to think it over.
"It was… okay," she finally said. There was a pause but then he suddenly chuckled. Just once and it was rather dry but she caught the very brief moment when he actually smiled.
"You're a girl of few words aren't you?" he said more as a statement than a question.

"Don't get me wrong, I approve though, most of the other girls talk a little too much. You certainly are a breath of fresh air." She wasn't sure what to make of him. This was the most he'd probably talked to her and it was some kind of compliment she guessed. They were getting closer to her motel and when they reached her street he asked what number. He slowed in and came to a complete stop right outside the motel. She'd just gotten her belt off when he suddenly made a move towards her and she held her breathe. He just leaned in over her though and had a look at the motel it seemed.

"Is this where you're staying?" he asked and she nodded. His head was just inches from her and if he turned now he would be closer to her face than she liked him to be. He was already too close for comfort.
"I have places. Just let me know when… if you get tired of this dump," he said with his eyes on the motel.
"Okay," she managed to say as she finally took a breath and she reached for the door. His hand suddenly came up on her thigh and he asked if she wasn't forgetting something. She felt cold sweat forming all over her body. What did he mean? Was she supposed to do something for him? Would she have to do him some sort of favor? She felt a bit of panic. He kept his hand on her thigh but reached in inside his jacket for something and the panic grew.

"Your money," he simply said as he brought out a small white envelope and she took a quick breathe as she started to lack oxygen to her lungs.
"Oh yeah, right," she stammered a little and took the envelope from him.
"Good work tonight," he said and gave her thigh a little squeeze.
"Thanks," she said and tried to make a calm exit out of the car even though she felt like bailing in panic. He took off as she stepped up on the curb and she felt so stupid. Her legs were a bit wobbly as she made her way over to the motel. She was drunk, she felt dirty and the reality check she'd just gotten had drained her completely. What the hell was she doing here? What the hell was she thinking? She could be dead right now and it would be for nothing. She would be gone, dead and Fin might have to id her body.

She couldn't reach her door fast enough but she was too drunk to even attempt to run in her heels. She felt as she was breaking apart and she needed the seclusion of her room before she could do that. She tried to take the steps two at a time but of course managed to fall and it wasn't the pain the hard surface made against her shin that made her tears start to flow. She bit down hard on her lip to manage to get the rest of the way up and then walk the short distance to her door. She saw her own hand shiver as she tried to get the key in the lock.

"Damn it," she breathe as she couldn't get the key in. Grabbing a hold of her own hand she finally managed to get the door open and she shut it harshly as she got inside. She put her palms and her forehead against the door and slid down to her knees. For the first time since that day on the pavement she let her tears just flow. Didn't do anything to try and hold them back. She bundled herself up, tried to make herself as small as possible and just cried. The way her sobs echoed through the darkness soon got her scared though, she hated the dark.

With tears still dropping and with red and itching cheeks she crawled up. The darkness seemed to push her up against the wall and the sobs were soon replaced by strainful gasps as she tried to get air down into her lungs. She felt the walls close in rapidly and the smell of mold filled her nose and mouth. The blood started to pound on her eardrums and it sounded as someone was pounding on the walls around her. In the distance she heard an angry voice screaming at her. Surely she was imagining it she was able to think to herself but she couldn't keep the panic from invading her body. She searched for the door and hurried to get up to find the light switch.

Once the light was on she managed to breathe again. She felt dizzy, her head spun along with the room and she felt something coming up her throat. She rushed into the bathroom and barely made it in time as what little she'd ate earlier came back up. Her body jerked with dry heaves as it tried to extract what couldn't get out. All the dirt, the filth, the ugly were stuck inside her and finally her body seemed to realize there was no way to get rid of it and she could settle down but still held a steady grip on the toilet seat as she felt the need to hold on to something. The smell finally got to her and she managed to close the lid and flushed. She didn't even try to get up but crawled over to the shower somehow managing to get her shoes off on her way. She didn't bother shedding any more items as she couldn't wait to feel some kind of relief that she hoped the shower would bring her. The first drops though hit her skin like fire or ice and she winced at the pain and from somewhere more tears emerged. She could hide them amongst the water that poured over her though as she opened up the faucet more.

Again she bundled herself up, this time against the cold tiles and just let the water make an attempt to rinse her from the night's travesty. At some point the warm water ran out but she started to care only when she realized it was her teeth making that clinkering sound and not some old pipe. She realized just how cold she was when she tried to move her arm up to turn the faucet off and it felt as her muscles had frozen completely. There was a shooting pain radiating out through her body as she tried to get her shoulder up and she gave up, instead trying to just get away from the ice cold water. Shivering tremendously and with great pain she managed to get herself out of there on her hands and knees. With the help of the toilet bowl and the towel hanger she managed to drag herself up so she could finally turn the water off.

She shed her clothes where she stood. It wasn't easy since the tight, now drenched, items clung to her body. After some growling and fabric tearing she was free and wrapped a towel around herself as she stumbled over to her bed. She bundled herself up quickly trying desperately to find some warmth. She wished for the extra blanket she knew was in the wardrobe but was just too drained to make an attempt for it. She thought she was too cold to be able to sleep but the constant shivering drained the very last energy out of her and she slipped in to a very welcomed, but not peaceful, slumber.


And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God's love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God's love. (Romans 8:38)


She woke up from her head pounding and the self-pity followed soon thereafter. Groaning she tried to rearrange herself to a position that wouldn't make her head pound like some damn church clock. Once she realized the pounding wouldn't give in and there was just no way to get back to sleep she dragged herself up. Once sitting up she had to stay there for a while to steady herself. Her eyes were still pinched shut, that seemed to help a little with the headache at least but it didn't help her get over to the desk with her toes intact. She cursed as her toe hit the chair and then again as her other foot hit the desk.

"Goddammit," she hissed as she sat down. She had to peak a little as her hand weren't finding what she was looking for. She found the Tylenol and shook two pills out. She chewed them up as she couldn't find anything to wash them down with and her entire face crumbled at the god-awful taste and the fact they made her mouth dry up even more. Getting down on her knees she paddled over to the small fridge and got some water out.

"Best ever," she mumbled as she leaned back against the wall after having taking large gulps of the heaven-sent, cold water. It would take more than an hour before she started to feel human again. Then she got a peak at herself in the mirror in the bathroom and she realized she didn't look human. Her hair was a mess of tumbleweed and her make-up had painted war stripes across her face. And what she saw beyond the make-up wasn't human at all. Her eyes looked vacant, her naked body ragged and the lack of recognition in herself frighten her.

"What are you doing?" she asked her own reflection. She didn't get an answer and her eyes just stayed blank. It freaked her out to the point she had to turn away. She grabbed another towel off the rack, wrapped it around herself and sat down on top of the toilet lid.

What are you doing she asked herself again but internally this time. What were you thinking? You really think you have the capacity to bring down a serial all on your own? You? A good-for-nothing, weak, disgusting bastard? She started to really doubt her actions. And she got frighten. Was it too late to pull back? To go back? Could she call Fin, tell him everything and would he understand? She hadn't stooped too far right? Sure she had sex with someone related to the case. Not that professional but perhaps she could withhold that from her statement? Sure there had been some drugs but mostly just alcohol right? And yesterday, well if they could bring down Gordon and his businesses then maybe everything would be okay? Was it too late to stop Bryce from posting that package? Cragen would understand wouldn't he? But my God how could she tell him? The embarrassment. She weight having to fess up to him against just slipping away like the original plan was. She couldn't lie, sticking to the plan sounded a whole lot easier when she thought of her captain's reaction. And then Liv. She couldn't stand having Liv look at her with those concerned eyes of hers. That soft voice and slight tilt of the head as she talked to victims they met. Sure she meant well but Amanda cringed at the thought of being the one approached with that. And Nick. Ha. He would love it. Her failure would surely just please him. No she would do this. Follow through. She could do it right?

Her thoughts were interrupted by her phone and she paddled her way back to the room since she was still unsteady on her feet. She saw Sierra's name in the window.

"Hey," she answered.
"Hey fabulous," Sierra sang and sounded miles away from Amanda's current state.
"Wanna join me for yoga before Assets?" she asked. Even the thought of yoga right now made her feel exhausted but she still said yes and just hoped she would feel better in a few. Meeting up with Sierra before work was a good way to find out what happen after she left the hotel last night. Even though Gordon might not be Mayhem she figured it was good to get everything on him down so that whoever got a hold of her material in the future could use it to take Gordon down.

Sierra told her straight up once they met up two hours later that Amanda looked a mess. But she added she would help her look fab once they got to Assets. She would even help her hide that nasty looking bruise on her shin. Amanda tried to probe a little about last night without making it obvious what she was up to. Sierra told her she'd been hooked up with a real drag and added it was probably one of the CO's. Amanda didn't have much time to ask anything more since their yoga class was starting but Sierra leaned over on her mat while the instructor welcomed them.

"Gordon totally wants you at his chateau party on Monday if you're up for it. It will be a whole lot more Eyes wide shut than yesterday though. But sometimes I actually prefer not seeing their ugly ass faces."

Amanda never felt like she got a chance to either say yes or no to that chateau party. Gordon just came in later that night at Assets and gave her the time and place for pick-up on Monday. She figured it might be for the best though. If she weren't given a choice there was no reason to doubt her answer. The chateau party did make her nervous though and she was stupid enough to try and down that with alcohol.

That weekend Jim treated his girls to a wild night out after Assets closed. She drank way too much even though she'd told herself she needed to keep her head clear to be able to pull this off. She had some faint memory of dancing at a table with Sierra at some point, giving some guys a free peep show up their skirts and then ending the night letting Scott fuck her against a wall in the bathroom. She had some recollection of him getting a bit jealous of something the alcohol had repressed but her way of smoothing over any brewing argument between the two had been to plead to his lower region. Fail proof.

The pounding of the music diminished as he hoisted her from the club towards the toilets. A 'gents' sign as they pushed through a door, some entertained eyes at the urinal and then the musty red light inside the stall. Her face pushed into a scruffy wall, her hands grabbing to get a hold of something as eager hands searched through fabric, ruthless fingers ripping between her legs. Her hands just finding the ledge of the stall as he shoved himself inside of her making her leave a steamy ray on the wall as the air was pushed out of her by that first impact. Pain that eased as she got numb as he kept pounding her up against the wall and some soothing from the growing arousal. Blurry vision, head spinning and body aching with pleasure, untamed because of the alcohol, as he finished leaving her unsatisfied but still pleased.

She wasn't sure just how she got out of there but she did and she recalled getting into a cab. And she remembered the cab driver helping her out and even walking her across the parking lot so she figured she must have tipped him well enough. And then someone else coming to her aid. The guy at the motels check-in desk, the one with the sketchy eyes. She wasn't fond of him but he did help her up the stairs and to her door. She crashed on the bed.

That's where she woke up the next morning, or more so after lunch, and even though her hung-over had been severe she'd still bolted to a sitting position getting a sense she wasn't alone. She'd quickly been able to scan and assess the room since it was small with not many places to hide. The bathroom door was open and she was almost certain no one would hide in there. She got her breathing back under control and swiped away some strands of hair from her face as memories from last night and early this morning started to come back.

She hadn't been alone in here though she remembered and her hands travelled across herself a little as her body felt as someone had been on her. Memories of Scott and a bathroom stall emerged though and gave answer to her last impression. As she made her way to the bathroom though she still had an uneasy feeling something was off. Her need of a bathroom was greater though but once she was done and couldn't shake the feeling something was off she immediately went back to make sure her iPad was still hidden in the tear in the mattress. She breathed a sigh of relief when she felt it and then went over to the desk and pulled out the middle drawer. Her sketch book was still there. It was still just full of sketched faces with little information, the details she kept in her pad.

As she got ready for work which was less than two hours away that uneasy feeling lingered though. She didn't really want to think about last night since she knew she'd gotten way too drunk and she just didn't feel like scolding herself any more for it. She knew anything could have happen. She was sure someone had been in here with her. When she was dressed and ready to leave she realized there was one thing she hadn't checked and she hurried over to the closet. She pulled her trunk out and got the plastic bag of more or less junk out and searched the bottom of the trunk. It was gone. All of it. She ripped the bottom of the trunk out and... nothing. Not the gun she'd bought of the street and not the small carrier with the money that was left from the withdrawals she'd made from her account as she closed it. Several grand.

"Fuck," she cursed and knew she'd been robbed. And she knew who it was. The one who'd so kindly helped her from the cab to her room earlier today. She hadn't checked that the gun and money was there for a couple of days now but she knew no one had been in her room. Until this morning that was. She knew she still had Gordon's envelope from this past Thursday cause she'd put it, untouched, next to the iPad in the mattress. Dirty money that she hoped she wouldn't have to touch. She grabbed her stuff and steamed down to confront the guy.

Unfortunately someone else had taken over the day shift and he didn't care how much she threaten or hollered, if she needed to report a theft she had to call the police, he would not call Jamie in if she didn't have proof he was the one who did it. Did she have proof? No but she knew it in her gut. And she couldn't call the police. The new guy told her Jamie would be back later tonight and she could confront him then if she felt like it.

She was still raging mad as she walked out onto the pavement. For a while she just stood there not knowing what to do or where to go. She couldn't call the police of course. For one that would put her fake name in the system and perhaps some inquisitive uniform would raise suspicion upon her. And second, the gun. She'd only mentioned the money just now but the gun was a perhaps bigger problem. That would surely raise suspicion if she did file charges on this Jamie person and he'd mention a gun. How would she explain that? She growled loudly. Surely Jamie knew she was trapped. After he'd found the money he hadn't even gone through her purse which was good now cause at least that gave her money for the subway but not much else. But this was still bad on so many levels. She had to pay for her motel room tomorrow. Gordon's money would cover it but then what? It wasn't like she planned to get that drunk again but Jamie couldn't be trusted. And he had a gun now. A gun with her prints on it. Bad. On so many levels. She decided to talk to him later but right now she had to get to work. She needed the money now and actually found herself hoping she would be able to lure many customers into lap dances tonight. Sundays could be slow but she could just hope some dads had snuck away from whatever little league their kids attended.

When she got back 'home' later that night she confronted Jamie at the check-in desk. Of course he withheld his innocence though. He'd just helped her to her door and then left. He'd just seen a lady in distress and made sure she got to her door safely. 'Oh please' Amanda had sighed at him and then yelled some more but he wouldn't budge. Again she got the 'well then call the police' thrown in her face and when she wouldn't give in he threaten to call the police on her if she kept it up. The realization she would not be able to coax this guy irked her so much she knew she had to get out of his face or she would punch him which would just leave her in more of a mess.

Stomping up the stairs, slamming the door shut and screaming into her pillow was the immature way for her to get some of the rage out. When she finally managed to settle down she'd come to the conclusion she had to find a new place to stay. A new motel though. She would not take Gordon up on his offer. She wasn't that desperate. Yet.

That Monday when Fin knocked on her old apartment door for the first time she was just starting to wake up. When Cragen received her package she'd just gotten out of the shower and when Fin, now with Liv by his side, knocked on her door for the second time she'd just started to pack her stuff to leave the motel.

Fin would miss her just by a day. Less than 20 hours before Fin first walked up to the check-in desk and talked to the sketchy-eyed guy behind the desk, Amanda left the check-in desk giving that same guy a piece of her mind. He'd recognized her oh too well from the photo Fin had shown him but he knew how to keep that from showing on his face. He had plenty of secrets that he knew how to keep hidden.

Amanda walked up a couple of blocks to another motel she'd checked out when she first was about to move out. It had been cheap but with even lower standard than the one she'd gone with. She figured it had to do for now and she checked in under her new name. She paid a few extra dollars to get off the first floor, figured it would be worth it for at least a little bit more safety.

She didn't bother to unpack everything and instead focused on finding a good hiding place for her pad. That iPad felt like her lifeline and she guarded it with her life. It was a tricky job though, a burglar knew where to look and a stalker might also look in odd places for hidden objects. She still went with the mattress though. Cut a tear and let it rest on a couple of wore down springs. This room was rented day by day, she said she would stay at least two weeks and paid one week in advanced with Gordon's money and the money she got the night before. She didn't pay the extra bucks for cleaning and hoped anyone but her, or the killer, would stay out of her room.

She thought about perhaps putting her stuff in a looker at Grand central or something. But she needed to have access to her iPad at odd hours. Perhaps there was some other way she could work it out, a storage or something. Something that wasn't that expensive though, she would have to worry about money now too.

Once she'd put her important things away she just tossed her trunk in the closet. She looked around the room and it was truly shabby. The rug looked worn down, the paint on the walls had gone yellow and there were signs of mildew in the corners. She took a look in the bathroom and expected it to be even worse but got pleasantly surprised. It seemed the toilet was new. The tiles on the floor were a little scuffed but she hoped she wouldn't have to spend time on it seeing how she now had decided to sober up. The shower looked at least clean. There was a small window in there and Amanda opened it to see what was out there and if someone could get to her that way. Standing on the toilet she could peak outside. There was a small ledge outside and then quite a jump to the street. There wasn't really a way to get up there without a ladder and that person had to be someone her own size to be able to fit through the window. She felt fairly sure no one would get to her that way.

Once she'd checked the room out properly, it went rather quickly seeing how small it was, she tried the bed and checked what channels she had on the tiny TV. Bed wasn't bad actually but she found only one channel that had a clear picture and of course that one seemed to be in Spanish. She'd never been one with an ear for languages.

The plan was to head over to Sierra's again before tonight's event. It would just be the two of them tonight though which was good cause Amanda was planning to stay sober this time around. She had enough time to stop by an internet café before going over to Sierra's, she just wanted to check her e-mail one more time before she stayed clear of it completely. Just to make sure Bryce hadn't tried to contact her about something. There was nothing from him but she found a few more e-mails from friends from back home and some from APD personnel she thought lost interest in her a long time ago. The mails had kept coming for a while now. She knew what they wanted, condolences for her sister's passing and the usual 'it's been so long, how are you doing'. She just couldn't bother with that right now but she couldn't ignore the fact it felt good that some people actually thought about her, maybe even cared about her. At least enough to send her an e-mail.

She finished her coffee and headed outside. Scott was picking her up and driving her over to Sierra's. At least that was the plan. She could just never rely on him. She wouldn't put it past him if he was doing someone else on the side. It wasn't like they were exclusive but he had called her 'his girlfriend' when he introduced her to some of his friends that they ran into the other day. For some reason that made her feel a little proud. There had been some time now since she'd been anyone's girlfriend. Scott was good looking, perhaps not the perfect gentlemen but then again she wasn't sure she deserved one either. Anyway, his friend had checked her out so she couldn't be that shabby either.

He was fun to be around, they shared the same dark humor. And she did feel some sense of security when with him. At the motel she rarely slept well, waking up with every car that skidded outside or neighbor that made a thump next door. So nights she spent at his place she got more sleep which she was in need of. He was demanding in bed but she didn't like to admit to herself that she actually liked that. He took what he wanted and it gave her no room to doubt or question whatever they did. She surrendered to his wants and excused it with the fact she needed his intel at Assets but deep down she also knew she got pleasure from it.

At Assets he was her second sets of eyes. Some nights he was the one who spotted someone who checked her out a little extra and he had no problem tipping her off. He knew that meant she would have more cash later on that he might be able to take advantage off. More than once had she paid for his drug habit. He was good at his job as a bartender which meant he was good at talking the customers up. He had names she was in need off and she knew where she could take a look at the slips for the night if she saw someone she needed a last name for and they'd paid with a card. That meant she was often left after hours at the club and as he locked up she could do a little digging. She'd been caught or close to being caught at times but not that he was dumb or anything but he was just easy to trick and even more easy to distract. At the end of the day she felt rather comfortable around him, didn't mind spending time with him and he, along with Sierra, were the one that made this life bearable at times.

She did feel he at least felt something for her. He did get jealous at times, never at Assets but if they were out somewhere and another guy showed her interest. He weren't really subtle when he 'claimed' her in front of the other guy. And a few times he seemed to actually want to know more about her.

"Who's Amanda?" he asked one morning as they were waking up in his bed. She got really scared she'd blown her cover somehow.
"Huh?" she asked with her head still turned away from him so he wouldn't see how shocked she was.
"Who's Amanda?" he asked again and she turned a little.
"What do you mean?"
"You have it tattooed on your arm," he said and she felt a bit relieved she hadn't said anything in her sleep or something.
"Oh," she said and let her fingers go over her white tattoo. She'd kept applying body make-up over it but during tonight's exercise it seemed it had rubbed off.
"Amanda was just... well like a sister," Amanda said. She felt Scott roll up behind her and he put his head against her neck. It felt a bit weird having him so close like this. Neither one of them were big on cuddling.
"You have a sister?" he asked as he placed a kiss on her bare shoulder.
"Had. And she wasn't like a real sister, more like a sister. We lived together in this house for a while," Amanda wasn't sure what she got everything from but it sounded believable. Scott seemed to believe her at least. He reached out and touched her tattoo.
"What did she look like?" he asked. They'd never had any real meaningful conversation and she kinda liked it if it weren't for the fact she was lying.
"They said we looked like sisters," she sighed a little.
"What happen to her?" His fingers wandered up her arm and then down again.
"She got lost I guess and..." It felt as though she was talking about herself and it made her sad. She pushed him away a little so she could roll over on her back underneath him.
"Let's not go there, surely we can talk about something funnier," she smiled and let her hand go for a search under the sheet. His face lit up when she found what she was looking for.
"Talk?" he smiled and raised his eyebrows.
"On second thought, let's not talk," she whispered.
"Just have fun," he suggested and she nodded as he climbed up on her. If there was one thing she could rely on him for it was sex.

But he did show up this Monday and they took a drive before he dropped her off at Sierra's. They'd never talked about Gordon's other businesses and what he thought about her working for him. They somehow avoided the subject entirely and if there was one person Scott didn't like to talk about it was Gordon. She wasn't sure why but just got a feeling Gordon scared Scott and knowing just how strong Scott were it made Amanda scared she was dealing with someone way over her own capacity.

Later at Sierra's she did have one drink before they left to the pick-up place. But to Amanda's credit she didn't finish it completely. Sierra had some white powder she offered her but Amanda turned her down, said she felt more relaxed this time and not in need of anything. That wasn't really the truth though, Amanda wasn't really relaxed but just hoped she did a better job hiding it this time around.

Sierra and Amanda were the only ones from Assets that were doing this 'event' but as they jumped into the black SUV Sierra still saw some familiar faces in the car and started talking to them immediately. Amanda met Gordon's eyes briefly as he shot a glance over his shoulder. His face stayed as grim as usual but he at least gave her a quick nod before he turned away again. Amanda took a look around the back of the car. Two guys and a girl were in the very back. Sierra was chatting up the girl, something about a mutual friend who'd gotten in some trouble. Both guys met Amanda's eyes as she turned back, both seemed to check her out and it quickly got uncomfortable.

"Oh this is Shay," Sierra said suddenly and spun around so she turned around towards the back the other way to be able to face Amanda too. Amanda's hand went up in the air a little awkwardly as she said 'hi'.
"Becky, Troy and... gah what's your name again?" Sierra smiled.
"Matt," the blonde guy at the end smiled.
"Sorry, Matt, won't forget again. Shay works Assets with me," Sierra let them know.
"Becky used to work there," Sierra informed Amanda.
"Seems like ages ago though," Becky smiled and Amanda smiled back.

Becky was blonde but it was hard to tell what eye color she had. Amanda felt very tempted to ask what she did these days but she feared someone was paying attention in the front seat to everything that was going on in the car and she bit her lip. Amanda turned back around a little as she felt the guy's constant staring a little distracting. Sierra kept talking though and tried to engage Amanda a little but without much luck.

They picked up another two girls that squeezed in next to Sierra and Amanda. Sierra seemed to know them and she introduced Amanda to them as well. They all seemed nice but Amanda was just very concentrated on where they were driving. It seemed they were heading up-state and they left Queens behind them. It was still in the middle of the day and Amanda took note on every passing street sign. They drove for about half an hour and then seemed to pick up another SUV that were waiting for them by the road side. According to a sign they'd reached Purchase, an unfamiliar place to Amanda and she wasn't sure if it was a community or an actual town. It was something to look up later she figured and concentrated on picking up a street name. She'd picked up Lincoln Avenue but then they took a side street that was flanked by large trees.

They seemed to drive slowly and Amanda got that they were getting close. Looking out the window she could tell the houses were sparsely laid, with large gardens and the further they drove the sparser the houses. And then they got to one with a steel fence that opened up as soon as they drove up to it. Perhaps a chateau was a bit of an overstatement but it surely was a nice house with four great, white pillars at the entrance and large, white windows covering the entire front of the two storage house. They didn't drive up to the entrance though but took a right and followed a road to an indoor parking garage.

Gordon seemed to have the remote to it and the two SUVs drove in side by side. The garage could hold at least two more cars. The carport folded shut behind them and it took a few seconds for the flickering light to come to life.

"C'mon," Sierra urged Amanda who was closest to the door, "I need to stretch my legs badly." Amanda jumped out as Frank helped her get the door open. Amanda counted a driver, four girls and three guys stepping out of the other car. That made nine girls and five guys, not counting the drivers and Gordon.

No phones were allowed, both Sierra and Gordon had told her, so Amanda had left hers at Sierra's. She figured the same rule went for everyone so they were all just basically in Gordon's hands at this point. A feeling Amanda didn't like at all.

Gordon led them inside and like Sierra had sensed it she grabbed Amanda by the hand to get her moving. If the outside of the house had looked a little less than a chateau the inside surely didn't disappoint. They came in through the kitchen and it had the highest ceiling she'd ever seen. And if that wasn't enough the ceiling had this beautiful sky mural with fluffy white clouds. Like who paints their kitchen ceiling like this and what did that mean for the rest of the house? Amanda felt her hand get pulled by Sierra and she let her eyes come back down again from the amazing ceiling.

"Gorgeous right?" Sierra whispered with a bright smile and Amanda nodded.
"You haven't seen nothing yet," Sierra smiled, "downstairs there's a movie theater, and a wine cellar."

Gordon took them through a dining area that seemed to lack an actual dining table and chairs but Amanda's eyes travelled outside behind the large patio glass doors. Below the patio she saw a huge piece of green grass with a stone plated path that led to a small house that looked like a miniature of the actual house and it had a swimming pool in front of it. The entire lawn was framed with large trees and they hindered any insight from possible neighbors. The house was secluded, Amanda had picked up on the cameras at the gate, the cameras by the garage and she spotted at least one outside in the yard. She couldn't help but wonder if someone was watching their every move and she started to look for cameras at the same time as she was amazed by the interior. They walked through another room that was mostly empty and then they'd reached the entrance hall. It was truly a sight for sore eyes. A huge crystal chandelier was hanging from the roof and it caught the sunrays coming from the large window above the door. Two huge pieces of art hung on either side of the hall and then there was the magnificent stairway. They walked up one side of the dark wooden stairs that connected at the top. The steps were draped with a burgundy red heavy carpet and the railing were beautifully carved. Amanda had to let her hand slide against it as they made their way upstairs.

On the second floor two long hallways caught Amanda's eye, they look identical and Gordon took them down the left one. The floor was large stone plates, white in the middle and dark brown to the sides. All the way down the corridor stood heavy set white pillars giving it a bit of Greek mythology feel to it. Several smaller crystal lamps hung from the roof all the way to the end. They passed a few doors and Amanda peeked into every one of them. Bedrooms. The next one even more beautiful than the previous one. She had no idea how many bedrooms this house held. Ten? Or even twenty? Did just one family really live here? Who lived here? Amanda hadn't seen anything that gave away who lived here. Were there kids around? Did Gordon own this house? She had so many questions but knew she probably wouldn't get any answers, at least not today or tonight.

They finally entered a room and it was just as stunning as the rest of the house. The large windows were beautifully draped with heavy cream curtains. A few very expensive pieces of furniture decorated the room. A luxurious couch and a lounge chair in the same material. Along the wall stood a thin but wide table with carved legs and on top of it several bottles of water, a plate with snacks and one with sandwiches.

"Okay, so you all hang in here as usual," Gordon said, "you know where the bathroom is and your outfits in here." He took them around the corner and Amanda spotted a clothes rack with about fifteen covered hangers.

"On the table there," Gordon gestured to one next to the clothes rack, "are the… accessories. I'm going to go downstairs for a bit, talk everything through with the host for the night and then I'll be back up to give you your stations." Gordon paused, seemed to think about what else to say but seemed satisfied with that and turned to leave. Frank went with him. Amanda had lost track of the other driver.

Some of the girls hurried forward to the clothes rack but Sierra grabbed Amanda back with her to the first room.

"You hungry?" she asked and added; "I'm starved." She grabbed a sandwich and quickly took a bite. Amanda couldn't really say if she was hungry or not, her stomach was rumbling but she figured it was for another reason than hunger. She grabbed a water bottle instead.
"So…" Amanda was dying to ask but felt a bit embarrassed to. She'd gained Sierra's attention though and figured she had to go on.
"The accessories?" Sierra nodded and quickly swallowed down what was in her mouth.
"Toys. Equipment. I'm not sure what he brought today but it's usually things you can use to get off. I usually don't need anything when I perform on my own but you might want to just in case seeing how it's your first time and all. Stage fright happens to all of us so don't worry but usually faking it is even harder so…"

Amanda gulped a little but Sierra didn't notice as her attention was drawn away. One of the guys from the other car came up behind her and folded his arms around her in a very intimate way.

"My black sugar, hi," he smiled and kissed her cheek from behind.
"Aw my knight," she smiled and kissed the air next to him.
"Who's your friend?" he asked as he kept one hand on Sierra and went to grab a snack with the other.
"This is Shay. Shay, this is Trevor," Sierra smiled.
"Nice to meet you," he smiled and she gave him a nod.
"I have a feeling this night will be spectacular," he said and then left them.

"Trevor's one of the nice ones," Sierra whispered to Amanda.
"There are some not so nice?" Amanda asked trying to hide the concern in her voice. It was both worry about what would happen tonight but also concern for Sierra.
"Ah you know, they can't all be nice," she said flippant and then pulled Amanda with her to go look at their outfits for the night.

If Amanda had been nervous earlier it didn't help when she saw what she was supposed to be wearing. Or not wearing. It was basically just threads of white lace. She wasn't even sure how it was supposed to be worn but she could easily tell it would barely cover any parts of her at all.

"It's another one of those parties," Sierra said and when Amanda looked up at her she was holding a white mask up against her face, it covered the top half of her face.
"Anonymous," Sierra explained as she lowered the mask, "they want flesh and meat baby, just another day in paradise." Amanda looked what else Sierra was holding on to and it looked as she got white, sheer stockings, a garter belt just as white and a matching lace bra.

Amanda found her own mask as she dug down into the otherwise empty bag. It looked similar to Sierra's. Amanda tried putting it up against her face but lowered it quickly as it made her feel claustrophobic peeking out of the two tiny holes.

"Nice lace," Sierra purred and ran her fingers over the threads Amanda was holding on to.
"It's all I'm going to be wearing?" Amanda asked her with a whisper. Sierra gave her a long look and then nodded.
"It's not much more than you wear at Assets," Sierra whispered back. Amanda didn't want to be as dependant on Sierra as she was but the truth was she would probably not be able to do any of this without her.

"Okay, let's look at the accessories," Sierra said and again pulled Amanda with her over to the table. She rumbled through the bag like it was just ordinary everyday objects in there but Amanda saw some of the stuff she held up and it was far from ordinary for her. There were different types of vibrators, what looked like cock rings in different shapes and forms, nipple clamps, cuffs, other types of restraints, a ball gag. Everything new and still in their containers. Sierra made an appreciating sound as she held up a flogger and Amanda couldn't help but smile. Sierra and her whips.

Everything in the bag seemed to come in white which seemed to be the theme for the night as she'd seen some of the other's outfits too.

"So what's your preference?" Sierra finally asked. Amanda had no idea what to say, she had used cuffs before but when it came to pleasuring herself the good old finger had worked pretty sufficient enough.
"Are you bringing something?" Amanda asked.
"Well honey I'll probably be paired with one of the guys so it will depend on what sort of room we get."
"Room?"
"Well the party guests might have requests, Gordon will let us know but some kind of bondage is usually in there. Gordon knows I'm into that so. But you haven't said yes to that yet right? To double up?" Amanda shook her head but it didn't go unnoticed to her that Sierra had used 'yet'.

"So what's your pleasure then?" Sierra held up a giant dildo in one hand and something that looked more like a horseshoe than a dildo in her other hand. Amanda made a face that made Sierra chuckle.
"Well neither of those," Amanda gasped. She took a look for herself and found a smaller finger vibrator.
"Well okay, less is more sometimes I guess," Sierra said but sounded a bit disappointed with Amanda's choice.

They were in for quite some wait and some of the others started to play cards while the rest just got comfortable and small talked like they were just hanging around a waiting room or something. Amanda tried to keep up with the conversation but found her nerves got in the way ever so often.

Gordon came back after about an hour and gave out assignments. He paired the guys up with the girls, Sierra and Trevor were paired up and Amanda was happy that Sierra seemed happy with that. He told them they would be in a type of cage and should probably bring some restraints. Amanda listen in a type of awe as Gordon gave the others assignments, it was clear his requests were more demands as no one objected.

As for the four girls that remained without a partner Gordon told one of them she would be on display, Amanda had no idea what that meant, and one of the other one's would be down in the theater. He told Amanda and another girl that they would just get ordinary rooms.

Gordon told the pairs to talk their assignment over and since Amanda was on her own she just kept an eye on Gordon. He'd walked over to the snack table and she saw him set up a small tray with what from a far looked very much like drugs. Some small bags with white powder and some piles off pills in different colors. He called for their attention once he was done and he told them to take it easy with what he'd left and then he left the room.

Amanda felt happy Sierra seemed to stay away from the snack table and instead came over to her and told them to get their hair done. They walked into the bathroom and Amanda had to let her eyes wander around the lavish room. It was probably bigger than her entire motel room. A nice bath with cute, curled feet, a shower that held more than probably four people, a double sink and two lounge chairs. Sierra called her over to the make-up table that was also in there and told her to sit down. She went back out to get their masks and then put Amanda's on her so she could get the hair just right. Amanda looked at herself in the mirror. She figured the mask might help a little, that it would function as some sort of barrier against whoever would be watching her.

"So an ordinary room..." Amanda let the question hang in the air and Sierra was quick to snap it up.

"Probably a bed or a table. Get on it and get down on it," Sierra said and flipped her shoulders like it was nothing. Amanda watched her as she finished Amanda's hair. She'd tried to probe a little these past weeks, get a sense of where Sierra came from. She wasn't completely sure Sierra was telling the truth but she said she grew up with two loving parents and two siblings. She had pretty much an ordinary childhood but had never been that bright in school according to herself. So when everyone else had gone away to college she'd applied for jobs instead but just never found one she liked. That was until she tried stripping. According to herself she'd always been a bit of a exhibitionist, always been very comfortable in her own skin and she enjoyed sex. She started with stripping in front of the web camera which led to bachelor parties and other small private parties. She'd tried porn but it was just too shallow for her, she wanted something more real and tried escort services. She'd gone through some bad ones, finally ended up at Assets where she came in contact with Gordon.

"Gordon's one of the good ones?" Amanda asked, figuring it was okay since Sierra had brought it up.
"He is. He's tough, a bit peculiar but he'll keep you safe. There are plenty of creeps out there and both Gordon and Frank have stepped in to save me at times."
"But then wasn't he the one who put them in your path?" Amanda dared to ask. Sierra just kept fixing her hair.
"Creeps slip by even the best of us. Sometimes you just don't know until you're alone with them," Sierra explained.
"Aren't you ever scared?"
"Bet your ass but you know me, I'm drawn to danger, it can even get me off at times," Sierra shot her a cheeky smile in the mirror. Amanda gave her the best smile she could. She was scared for Sierra but at the same time scared for herself since Amanda knew exactly how she felt.

They got company in the bathroom and Amanda didn't get a chance to ask any more questions. Once Sierra was done with her hair they swop places so Amanda could do Sierra's. Once that was done Sierra dragged her back out and they were back to cards, small talking and just hanging around. Amanda kept her eye on the snack table, more specifically on the drugs. It seemed someone had at least done one line and Amanda guessed it was either the guy who kept using furniture as work-out equipment or the girl who couldn't keep still for more than a few minutes at a time.

Without no one really saying anything, Amanda hadn't spotted any sign, they all started to get ready. The guys stayed in the first room while the girls were mostly in the connecting room or the bathroom. Amanda was quite surprised though that no one seemed shy or felt a need to close a door between them as everyone basically stripped down to nothing to get into their outfits. There was clearly a theme since everyone wore white but there was nothing innocent about their outfits. Crotch less panties and stocking, corsets that ended below the nipples and Amanda herself felt more naked than dressed once she had her outfit on.

A thin layer of lace covered her crotch and two thin stripes went around her and then down between her butt cheeks. At the front there were two sets of thin lace threads that were connected to the g-string. Amanda needed Sierra's help to figure it all out. Apparently two threads should go up over each breast and be placed on either side of her nipples. Sierra then tied the four threads together at the back of her neck. Amanda felt like some cheap bride at her wedding night. She tried replacing the threads so they covered her nipples and it helped some even though the lace was mostly see-through.

Amanda happily accepted a short robe as it didn't seem it was time to leave the rooms just yet. For probably the first time in her entire life she didn't mind the waiting. Like working Assets and some company party at a hotel's roof top bar wasn't crazy enough she had to agree to something like this? If she didn't hook this Mayhem guy soon she wasn't sure she could keep this up.

Like Sierra once again sensed Amanda's reluctance she asked her if she wanted something from the snack table. Amanda was dead set though on keeping her head clear this time around. Sierra did her best to loosen her up another way as she managed to get a few of them up to dance a little. Even without music it worked rather well.

When Gordon came back in it was dark outside. He told them to get their gear together and shed the robes. Sierra and Trevor went into the other room to get some supplies and Amanda was left alone by the couch for a bit. She got her mask on and then tossed her robe on the couch.

Not until he was just a step or two away from her did she noticed Gordon walking up to her. Again he just gave her a long stare before he spoke.

"Doing okay?" he asked and she nodded.
"So you'll need to put on a different kind of show tonight," he said as his hand went up to her chest. She felt him rearranged the lace so again her nipples were exposed. She felt stupid for thinking, or wishing really that her nipples wouldn't react. When he was done though he let his thumb swipe over her nipple, she wasn't completely sure it was an accident or a deliberate action. She felt the tingle under his touch though and she again just hoped that it didn't show. His face didn't react and his hand went up to her face. He rearranged some strands in her hair and then finally met her eyes through the mask.
"You'll be fine," he said and then walked away. She found herself wishing she would be just that, be fine.

It looked different going down the stairs and not only cause she was wearing the mask. It was dark outside now and the light the crystal chandelier caught now was from burning candles. They were everywhere. Numerous flickering flares that licked the air with their hot and dangerous tongues. She could feel the heat from them as she slowly made it downstairs. The art on the walls were draped with white sheets and she noticed that the entrance looked draped with the same kind of sheets. As they got further down she noticed three men, all in tuxes and with white masks covering their entire faces, standing to the left of the stairs and they stared at the newly arrived party guests. Amanda spotted another couple of men in the same get-up in the connecting room and she froze on the last step. This felt unfamiliar and dangerous. Illicit in a way. She felt a hand sliding down her bare back and she gasped at the pain the soft hand seemed to cause. The hand tried to get her to keep moving but she felt stuck on the last step. Her toes on her bare feet dug into the carpet below her. She saw a hand getting extended towards her and even with the mask he now was wearing she knew it was Gordon.

Fuck, she couldn't screw this up, went through her head and she took the hand and let him guide her down. The coldness of the floor against her bare soles radiated up through her legs. They walked through several rooms, stopping momentarily to leave someone in their group behind. Candles and white sheets seemed to be the theme in every room they moved through. Distant voices coming from behind all these masks seemed to lessen as they entered the room and then pick up again as they left. She saw Sierra and Trevor walk over to something that looked like a cage. She were able to wonder if that cage always had a place there or if it was put there for tonight before she felt herself get pulled away by Gordon. She was the last one in his company so there was no doubt that the 'stage' in the last room was hers. He must have felt the tension in her hand as she laid eyes on the silky white covered bed in the middle of the room cause he pulled her arm in underneath his own, never easing his grip on her hand. He had to tug at her a little to get her up to the bed and once there he draped his other arm around her and brought her head in close to his mouth.

"You perform or I'll send someone over for a very different kind of performance. Don't doubt the sincerity to my words," he hissed and then kept her close for another couple of seconds during which he breathed heavily into her ear. He let her go abruptly but stayed put to make sure she got up on the bed.

The bed itself had occupied her so much she hadn't even registered all the dark tuxes in there. Now she saw them though, saw all white masks directed her way and she swallowed hard. At Assets she sometimes wished she didn't see the men's faces but now all she wished for was to see… something. A human emotion. Eyes instead of a gaping black hole in an anonymous white mask.

She slowly stepped up on the bed. It felt clean and fresh and comfortable but she still wanted to be anywhere but there right now. She watched Gordon turn and leave but it didn't leave her feeling anymore at ease since more than twenty blank white masks were turn towards her and she felt the demands waiting behind every one of them. Their blank faces felt as threatening as looking down a gun barrel and even in his absence it felt as Gordon had his finger on the trigger.

The room had gone all quiet as they walked in but now a soft tune travelled to her ear. The kind of tune, song, only added to the creepiness though since it sounded like something out of Twin Peaks. Like something playing in that red draped room in that FBI agent's dream or in that smoky bar with that almost translucence singer on stage. But at least the notes made her think of the one thing she was rather good at, dancing.

She squatted down and slipped the little toy she'd been carrying in a steel tight grip under one of the pillows. As she rose back up she let the song seep inside of her and she started moving along to its sultry rhythm. It was hard but she did her best to ignore the white masks. There was no way to identify anyone anyways so there was no need to stare at them. It was harder to get Gordon's voice out of her head though. She did not want to find out what other performance he had in mind.

The soft music and the muted murmur that filled the room after a while got her into a bit of a haze. She tried to enjoy the feeling of her own hands going up and down her body but she didn't see how she would ever be able to get turned on in this surrounding. She didn't seem to disappoint too much though, there was a steady stream of men going in and out and most seemed to linger for a while. Most of them stood together in groups and she figured that's where the muted murmur came from, mouths moving behind masks. Some came in alone though, stood by a wall watching or took one of the seats near the bed. No one touched themselves though, there was no crude gestures or rude remarks as on Assets. No these men all seemed civilized and like perfect gentlemen if it weren't for the fact they'd paid good money to get into what couldn't be describe like anything else than a sex party. From the next room she heard a woman cry out every now and then, it sounded like a mix of pain and pleasure and every time it was heard it sent shivers down Amanda's back.

She wasn't sure how long she danced for but then one of the servers, she'd seen them walking around with trays of glasses during the evening, came up to her handing her a drink. She felt in need of it and thanked him. The servers also wore masks but this one seemed familiar for some reason. She noticed the scar on the hand as it came up to grab her wrist. A tender gesture at first but it quickly became harsh and painful. That scar belonged to Frank, Gordon's driver, and he'd grabbed her so he was able to bring her down a little to his level. She knew before he said anything that he carried a message from Gordon.

"A man will join you on this bed if you don't get your act together. Get it together, now." He let her go but waited around as she finished her drink. She didn't feel like finishing it all but he wouldn't accept it back until she finished everything and she feared it was something else than a strong liquid in there. At this point though she regretted not having taken Sierra up on trying something of the snack table. He took the glass from her once she was done but then just took a couple of steps away from the bed and waited for her to perform her duties.

She felt like crying and figured no one would probably see it anyway because of the mask but she knew how that would only add to her humiliation if she cried in front of someone, none the less more than twenty people. For a few seconds she felt completely blank. She had no idea what do to or how to get out of this situation. Anything she did on this bed would be humiliating but nothing could be as humiliating as having someone force himself on her in front of all these people.

She fell to her knees just to do something and also because she felt as though her legs were crumbling a little. For a moment she feared whatever was in that drink was causing her body to shut down and she just focused on her breathing. But as nothing else happen but a slight warmth originating from her stomach and out through her body she started to slowly drag her fingertips up her body. She let her nails dig in just slightly knowing she liked that mix of pain and pleasure. She caressed her own breasts, every now and then pinching her own nipples hoping to spark something inside of her. Something that would make it possible for her to enjoy at least parts of what she knew she had to do.


He watched her drop to her knees. He could feel her sadness even behind that mask of hers and through his own. She was beautiful. The devil incardinated but still so very beautiful. The anger he'd felt as she'd just so easily flaunted her body in front of everyone washed away as he saw the sadness, the ambivalence that radiated from her as she realized it wasn't enough. That more was expected from her and she felt forced to deliver. Her whole body just slumped and as she fell to her knees it was like seeing Jesus surrender to his tormenters in front of that cross. She surrendered to the disbelief, to the sinners, the pursuers, her own shadows and offered herself willingly. Like a lamb to a slaughter.

He only had eyes for her. Everything around her zoomed out, she was like the light at the end of a tunnel but she was right there, right here in front of him. She performed for him and only him. She surrendered to him and everything felt just right, the light shining from her, the serenity that came with submission and that warm sensation inside of him that made him feel really alive.

He watched intensely as her fingers pinched those perky little nipples of hers, as her nails drew vibrant lines over her own skin and as her hand finally wandered down in-between her own legs. He fought an urge to yell out 'sinner' and instead concentrated on the warm feelings she evoked inside of him. Yes she was a sinner and yes she would get her sentence but this was her way through purgatory. This was her humiliation and he saw no reason why he shouldn't enjoy her atonement.

She didn't release easily. It took a long time and he enjoyed every minute of it. Her one hand having to work hard between her legs, massaging, fingers plunging inside. The other hand spending time at her nipples, caressing the side of her neck, clawing at the inside of her legs or up over her stomach leaving red marks as she left and at times sucking hard on her fingers. He took mental notes on everything. Wanted to know every erogenous zone, what would make her tingle so he knew how to use that to his advantage when the time was right.

He wished she could take that mask off, that he could take it off so he could see her eyes properly. Her eyes couldn't lie but now her body was giving her away too. He could tell by the heavy rise and fall off her chest that she was getting near. Even that stage took a long time and he didn't mind. This didn't come easily to her, she wasn't like all the rest, she was just as special in her own way. This was her true emotions emerging and he could feel her inner battle of decency and the untamed heat she couldn't deny was inside of her.

She fell slightly backwards, her shoulders resting a little at the headboard as her body started to take over and she was unable to uphold herself. Her hand was working franticly between her legs, he could tell she spent most time circling her clit but every now and then she plunged down inside of herself picking up some of that moist he could smell from here. Her other hand had just left her mouth and came down to harshly twist her own nipple. He saw the saliva leaving a glossy path on her skin. Her mouth had been mostly closed during all of it, teeth clenching down on her lower lip whenever her fingers hadn't been showed in there but now, as her panting increased, it was left open and he liked the notion that her particles, her air was all over this room now. It surrounded him and was probably inside of him too. They were connected for ever and just that thought could tip him over the edge if it weren't for the fact he knew how to control himself.

She panted hard and he was mesmerized as the hand that wasn't working her clit franticly left her body to grab a hold of the sheet below her. He could tell she so desperately wanted to lose control, for something else to take over but it was just so hard for her. Her hand went up to clutch the headboard above her and her hips pushed outwards, up against her hand and then, a blissful moment to the next, as a predatory growl escaped from deep within her a wave of uncontrolled shudders rumbled her entire body. For him the moment lasted forever. Her white knuckles grabbing the headboard, the stiffness of her other hand as though it no longer belonged to her and her body shivering with contractions. That mix of satisfaction and danger as ecstasy overtook her body and mind for a few brief moments, it was all etched into his memory. A memory he would bring back when he found himself unable to stay away from sin as he touched himself later in the bathroom. It was all okay though, he wasn't immune to the devil and his ways. Even a Gods sent could falter and it was nothing a confession would clear up later. A confession and a promise that this strayed, temptress of an angel would soon get what was coming to her. Her face was on his cornea as he released and let sin pour out of him.


Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. (Colossians 3:5-6)


She used some sick, perverted side of herself to get off in front of everyone. It was hard as reality checked in every now and then and disturbed her road to climax. A word spoken a little too loud, an ice cube clinking against a glass, or a mask covered face coming a little bit too close for comfort. Two steps back every time and often she played with the thought to just fake it. She knew she could fake, she'd lured guys before but this was more than twenty at one time and she feared Gordon was one of them.

She went back in her mind, recalled steamy encounters in the past and men that had sent her over the edge. When her mind worked with her body it got a little better. She could feel it building up, slowly but steadily. Scott was in there, her wrists pinned down to the floor, her hips close to hurting every time he slammed her down into the hard surface. Her boyfriend during the police academy putting those handcuffs to different use than intended. Nathan had been a good lover. His hands had worked magic on her. And then other hands. Hands not wanted and she had to work hard to repress them to not lose momentum. Scott. On top of the bar at Assets. In the back of his car. Air stiff, head spinning, confined. All good. Then unwanted hands again. No. Go away. Scott. Nathan. Legs pinned down on a bed, piercing pleasure inside. Fingers on her, fingers inside her. A mouth sucking at her hard. All good. Pushed up against a wall. A hand covering her mouth. Should she really be enjoying this? Stop it. Entwined legs. Nails on skin. Scott. Nathan. Fin. Sweating, pounding, piercing. Yes. Ah. Sweet release.

Her mind went blank as her body erupted with orgasms rippling through her entire body. She stayed in that blank state for several moments and then she let her body just fall forward as exhaustion took over. She lay panting for a while coming down from the rush. She wished she could just stay like that, face down, until she could get out of this God forsaken house. But Gordon wanted her to perform until the party was over. She still stayed down for a while after making sure Frank was no longer standing in his spot. Seemed he was satisfied with her performance and he'd left.

Once her breath was back to normal she turned around and laid down on her back. She searched under the pillow for the tiny object she'd brought earlier and she thread it over her finger once she'd pushed the on button. She moved it down in-between her legs and her breath momentarily got caught in her throat as it went over her still sore and swollen clit. The pain eased quickly though and she closed her eyes as she went back to those pleasurable thoughts she had earlier. It was easier this time to block out the unwanted thoughts and she pictured herself in bed with one of her good lovers as she started to rub herself. She drifted off to good places in her mind. Drifted off to faraway places that where nowhere near a sinful house.

For the next few hours she used different parts of the bed to bring different types of pleasure to herself. She did fake it at times but found herself actually orgasm just as many times. When she found the occupants in the room down to just four souls she gave herself permission to stop and just rested back on the bed coming down from the last climax. She kept her eyes on the ceiling and followed the lavish garland that went from the middle and out to every corner of the room. Again she wondered who actually lived here. Did this occupant know that their house was used for this? Was he perhaps even behind one of the masks here tonight? She felt herself almost drifting off to sleep when she felt a presence standing close to the bed all of a sudden. She lifted her head just slightly and recognized Gordon behind the mask hovering above her. He reached out his hand and she took it after one last deep breath. He didn't say anything and with her hand still in his she followed him out of there.

A man still lingering in the room raised his glass a little towards her as they passed him and she found herself giving him a slight nod. She just didn't care any longer. She didn't care about her nudeness, what impression she gave whoever they passed or what anyone thought of her right now. The cage she'd seen Sierra head towards earlier was empty and she didn't spot any of the other live entertainers either. Gordon brought her back up the stairs and down the same hall. This trip around the doors were all shut, she thought she heard muffled sounds from behind some of them but she wasn't sure it was just here dazed head playing tricks on her. Once they got back to the door to the room they'd spent time in earlier Gordon let go off her hand and turned towards her. He reached up and removed her mask and then handed it to her.

"We'll leave in about an hour, take a shower if you want to. Leave the things on the table and then wait for me to come get you," his voice was somewhat soft but his face as blank as usual. He gave her one final look and then walked back down the hall where they came from. Amanda turned to watch him leave but soon headed back inside. The girl and one of the guys that had been in her car earlier were in there. The girl had shut her eyes and leaned back on the couch but Amanda figured she was still awake as the guy seemed to be talking to her. He kept talking but gave Amanda a slight nod as she walked by.

Amanda walked into the connection room and towards the bathroom. She would like a shower. She found Trevor and another guy in there though and hesitated a little.

"Go ahead," Trevor said though, looking about as tired as she felt. He had a towel around his hips but the other guy was sitting on the side of the bathtub completely naked. She figured she was more or less already naked so why bother. It wasn't like this evening could get much weirder. She slipped out of her threads, left them on the floor and stepped into the shower opposite the bathtub. The water, even though it was cold at first, felt nice running down her body. She wasn't sure how long she was in there until she got company. She registered the other body first as the faucet next to her was turned on. She looked over and saw Sierra put her face in underneath the heavy stream. Even through the water and with Sierra's dark skin she could see the marks going down her arms. Sharp dips that went down her flesh from restraints put on too hard and for an extended time.

She searched for Sierra's orbits through the water but she kept them closed and she was silent. A state Sierra was rarely in. Amanda felt like reaching out, soothing some of the pain her arms must be in but she didn't dare to. For the first time it felt as though there was an invisible barrier between them. A third girl joined them and soon Sierra stepped back out. Amanda was left with a feeling she had no right to feel pity for herself when Sierra surely had a much worse night. As she stepped out of the shower she saw Trevor with his arms around Sierra who was wrapped in a towel now. They just stood there, quiet and still like a couple of statues. But they were far from statues, Amanda could feel their humanity. A real pain, hearts pounding and scarred vessels.

The atmosphere as they left the room was miles away from how it had felt as they arrived. Everyone seemed somewhat dazed. Amanda wasn't sure if it was fatigue, being under the influence of something or if they, like her, had millions of thoughts going through their mind. Sierra wasn't holding on to her hand and Amanda was afraid to grab hers but still kept as close to her as she dared to. Once back in the car Amanda felt good as Sierra leaned into her and Amanda put her arm around her shoulders as they rode back into the city. Sierra seemed to drift away to sleep and Amanda wasn't close behind. She was still awake enough though to pick up the silent murmur coming from the front as Gordon was talking to Frank. Amanda wished she could hear what they were saying but she was too tired to move and she didn't want to disturb Sierra right now.

Amanda woke up as they came to the first halt. The guys in the back were jumping out, one of them shot Amanda a soft smile and she raised her hand a little to say bye. They stopped two more times to drop of the two girls and then the last stop was outside Sierra's place.

"You need help there?" Gordon asked as he saw Amanda helping Sierra out.
"No, we're okay," she said firmly. She was about to close the door when Gordon held out two envelopes. Neither one of them smiled as she took them from him and she tried not to slam the door as hard as she wanted to.

Amanda placed Sierra's arm over her shoulder and then grabbed a hold around her waist. It took a while but they managed to get inside and up the flight of stairs to Sierra's floor. Amanda had just planned to get Sierra tucked in and then get her phone and some other of her stuff before she headed back to the motel. But when Sierra asked her to stay she didn't have the heart to say no. Without turning any lights on they just laid down on Sierra's bed, not even bothering with the covers. Amanda got Sierra's shoes off and then her own. Sierra seemed to be fast asleep as Amanda lay down next to her. The moon or perhaps the street lights were shining in and Amanda watched Sierra sleep for a while. Her eyes wandered down to her arms that had looked so deformed earlier. They looked better now but Amanda wondered what bruises her dark skin hid. Had that been Amanda her arms would surely had been striped for at least a week.

She watched Sierra's hand stir a little on the bed between the two. Perfectly manicured nails with a tiger print in pink, white and black. Everything about Sierra just screamed stripper, she had the look, the attitude, the wardrobe and the rest of the attire. Just weeks ago Amanda would never in her wildest dream think she would befriend someone like Sierra. Not that she had anything against a person just because she was a stripper, Amanda didn't have many prejudice. Amanda knew there were assholes everywhere, a skin color or a profession didn't necessarily make you an asshole. The asshole gene was probably more genetics and then fueled or tamed by upbringing.

Sierra surely wasn't stupid or worth less just because she was a stripper. Quite the opposite, she was one of the kindest, funniest and boldest woman Amanda had ever come across. If Olivia Benson had been the one she looked up to as a detective, Sierra Banks was the one she looked up to in this world. And while Olivia Benson had never given Amanda a single chance to get to know her, or the other way around, Sierra had welcomed her with open arms. Both worlds where constantly threaten by the gritty, heinous, repulsive but at least in this world there were plenty of laughter and a free spirit not allowed in the police academy. There were no rules here. You could be however you were, even the dark, the forbidden were allowed here.

Amanda's hand had travelled closer to Sierra's and she carefully sneaked her hand in underneath Sierra's. Very carefully, so not to wake her, she folded her fingers around Sierra's hand. Amanda's light fingers against Sierra's dark. Tiger printed nails on one, tiger printed nails on the other. Two of a kind. A stripper holding on to a stripper. What a difference a few weeks could make.

She woke up from a car honking down on the street. It wasn't the best sound to wake up to and it seemed whoever was behind the wheel wouldn't stop leaning on the horn.
"Shut the fuck up." The voice coming from behind her startled her but not enough to jump, she was too tired for that. She recognized the voice though. Sierra. And memories of yesterday flooded back. She felt Sierra's feet move against her own as it seemed their legs were a bit tangled on the bed. It felt as though someone was patting the bed and when Amanda felt Sierra's hand just barely touch her shoulder she figured she was searching for her. Amanda was too tired to help out though but had to smile as she felt Sierra's body combust with laughter on the bed behind her.

"You trying to make a break for it," Sierra managed to say between attacks of laughter and Amanda forced her eyes open. It seemed she was hanging half way out of the bed. She felt Sierra grab a hold of her with two rough fists in her clothes and then she felt herself get dragged back up on the bed. Too tired to help out in any way she just barely managed to roll over a little so she could look at Sierra.

"You okay there?" Sierra smiled and back was that happy-go-lucky Sierra Amanda was used to. Amanda managed to smile and gave her a little nod. Sierra chuckled and leaned down to plant a kiss right on her lips.
"Dibs on the toilet," she said and rushed out of bed. Amanda had no trouble with that, she was content just staying in bed for a while longer.

Sierra fixed them tea and toast a little later and they sat in bed and ate still wearing yesterday's clothes. They laughed a lot at nothing in particular. Sierra complained she was still wasted from the lines she'd snorted last night. Amanda hadn't seen her do any but hoped it had taken her through whatever had happen last night. Amanda didn't ask, didn't want to bring up anything traumatic and Sierra seem fine for now. Amanda knew she should probably head back to the motel to get all the facts and names from yesterday into her iPad but she just had too much fun with Sierra. She had the capacity to make Amanda feel like everything was just okay and just being in the moment and have fun was a welcomed break from all the planning and snooping.

They ended up just spending the entire day together, not leaving Sierra's apartment once and then headed towards Assets together for their late shift. Amanda started her night with her Cherry Pie routine and she felt like she nailed it which was the beginning of a very good night at the strip club. That entire week went good. Sierra worked most shifts with her which was always fun. She nailed her stage work, dared to try out some of her new pole routines and was rewarded good tips for it. Even lap dances and the champagne room went smoother than usual. Amanda figured it might have something to do with the fact that the strip club in some fucked up way felt more natural than any freakish costume party at Gordon's chateau.

Gordon was a-wall too which meant Amanda could relax. When he showed up that weekend though and asked if she was up for another gig on Monday some ambivalence crept up on her again. Monday was at the chateau again but he added he would like her to do some other things for him. He added 'if she was up for it' but somehow with Gordon it felt as though he expected you to say yes. Cassie might have been on to something when she said Gordon would talk her into whatever he wanted for her.

That reminded her she had to check in with Cassie, it had been a while now since they spoke. Right now Gordon had her full attention though.

"What other things?" she asked.
"Just more of the same," he said a bit cryptic.
"I don't do escort," she said and hoped he would get she hadn't changed her mind.
"You sure?" he asked and looked straight at her. The way he stared it looked as though he challenged her a little but then he just as suddenly looked away.
"There's this one client who's willing to pay a lot to spend some alone time with you," he said with his eyes on his phone as usual.
"With me?" she asked but tried to hide the excitement in her voice.
"Yes, with you," he just said as it was the most stupid question in the world.
"Why me?" she asked and he gave her a look. She tried to keep her breath under control, for some reason his stare always felt suffocating to her. For the first time he looked a little puzzled, like he couldn't get why she was surprised someone wanted to screw her.
"He likes you."
"Me, or just someone like me?" Amanda knew she shouldn't be asking this many questions but she couldn't help herself. She flinched a little as Gordon took a step towards her, ending him right up in her private sphere.
"Is this really just a self-confidence issue?" he asked, his breath smelling of vodka and lemon. She turned her eyes downwards to get away from him a little but he took is at shyness. She saw his hand move from his phone up to her cheek and she kept her eyes down so he wouldn't be able to read anything into them. His fingertips felt rough against her skin but even though she hated his touch there was something gentle in there. He moved his hand back, swiping a strand of her hair behind her ear. He moved in even closer and she felt his breathe against her ear.
"Just tell me how much you want and I'll set it up," he whispered. He lingered by her ear and she held her breathe until he finally leaned back up.

"While you think about it," he said and waited until she looked at him again before he continued, "work for me tonight. It will just be as the work you did at the house but you'll be completely alone." She figured this might be the Dungeon that Sierra and Cassie had talked about. She knew she might have to go down there to speed this along. She was in a way having a bit too much fun but she was here to do a job and she couldn't lose sight on that. Gordon was in her pad, his sketched face in her drawing book and she had quite a lot of dirt on him already. She knew she had one of her trackers in her bag in the locker, she could find out where this dungeon were located. But what if he was the killer? Was it really smart of her to go with him right now? She'd been drinking, she'd taken a pill earlier. She wasn't at her a game. But she still nodded. Gordon smiled briefly, obviously proud he'd been able to win her over so easily.

"Get your stuff. I'll wait for you at the bar," he said and walked out. She didn't care to make sure he'd fixed her schedule for tonight here at Assets, all she cared about was getting that tracker with her. She got one of her regular skirts on and packed an extra set of lingerie just in case. Sierra was working the floor and she wasn't able to make eye-contact with her as she went out to the bar. Gordon was sitting at the bar right next to where Scott was standing, they might even have been talking. Scott threw her a glance that she had trouble reading but she couldn't worry about that right now. Gordon just gave her a nod and then gestured for her to come with him. She followed him out and across the street where Frank was leaning towards Gordon's black SUV.

"Give me your bag," Gordon said as they reached the car.
"Just precaution," he said as he saw the concern on her face. She reluctantly handed it over to him.
"Go with Frank behind the car, he'll pat you down," Gordon said as he took the bag from her and got into the passenger seat. Frank got off the hood and walked around to the back of the car. Amanda had been planted on the pavement but followed him after a few short seconds. Frank gestured for her to get her hands up on the hood once she'd joined him behind the car. She was familiar with the procedure but pretended she wasn't. She let him place her hands wider apart and let him use his foot to spread her legs. Since she was bare armed he started the pat-down at her shoulders, then went all around her torso and quickly around her skirt.

Frank, being a man of few words, used only his finger to get her to walk with all the way around to the other side of the car. He got the back door open for her and handed her a blindfold as she was about to step in.

"Put it on once you're seated," he said and then urged her to get in by starting to close the door. She sat down and leaned back. She spotted Gordon with her purse in his knee and her phone in his hand.
"I'm just turning it off for now," he let her know and put it back down in her purse. He held up either her panties or part of the bra and said; "Nice," before he put the purse by his feet.
"You'll get it back once we leave. Now put the blindfold on," he said without looking back. Frank had started the car but looked at her through the back mirror as he waited for her to do as she was told. Once she had it on he put the car in gear and took off.

She tried to listen to sounds outside and tried to get a sense of where they were driving. It was hard though, got even harder as someone in the front put the radio on and turned the music up. It sounded as they crossed a bridge at one point, something about how the wheels sounded just above the music. It wasn't such a long drive. No more than twenty minutes Amanda estimated, being blindsided though it may have felt longer than it actually was. They came to a stop and then backed in somewhere. The music was turned off and replaced by nothing more or less. She heard a heavy door or gate close and it sounded as they were shut inside a large barrel.

"You can take the blindfold off," Gordon told her and she quickly did. She'd been afraid light would blind her but the garage like space they were in was just sparsely lit. Both Frank and Gordon had stepped out and Frank opened her door for her. She saw a large van on one side and another black SUV next to their SUV.. As she stepped out she heard, although very muted, music pumping from somewhere.

She got a better look at the space as she got out and it looked more like a room at some old industry sight than a garage at closer look. Everything felt cold, dark walls that seemed wet for some reason and a big hook was hanging from the roof. Frank slammed the door shut and she jumped. Her eyes briefly met his as hers came down from the transport system in the roof that the hook seemed to be a part of. Gordon had walked further in and Frank went after him. Amanda gulped before she hurried after the two, even though she wasn't looking forward to what was probably coming this place she didn't want to linger in longer than she had to. She looked back and tried to get the digits of the plate of the van but it was too dirty and all she got were the last three. She repeated them in her head a few times though, hoping they would stick until she could get them down in her pad.

Gordon had gone down a staircase that looked a little like a fire escape. Or perhaps it was just a regular stair for this type of place. As she grabbed on to the railing it felt wet under her touch so she might have been right about the walls being wet. Gordon shot her a look as he made the 180 turn to get down the next section of the stair. She deflected as she had to make sure her heels didn't get stuck on the stair. There were four 180 turns and then about half a section in a 90 degree angle before they got to the very bottom. The muted music was clearly coming from down here somewhere. The room down here looked similar to the one at the top of the stairs but there were signs of civilization. Four single chairs around a plain table. All pieces stripped down to just metal but they seemed like they were used regular for some reason. She saw two doors, from both warm lights and what looked like plush padded door frames.

It was just that, plush padding around the frames and it was like stepping back into a warm womb or something as they left the cold, stripped down room behind. The music was a little louder in there but it was still just in the background. The walls were light, narrow but the many mirrors that at times draped the wall and even ceiling made it looked wider. Taking in the surroundings she'd missed to keep an eye on the two that lead the excursion and suddenly Frank turned right down another narrow corridor. She spotted another guy down there that seemed to coordinate his outfit with Frank. She didn't have time to see how the two greeted each other though as Gordon called out her name. She hurried up and caught up to him just as he stopped by a room.

"This is Shay," he said to the two men who were in there. Her hand went up a little as she tried to take in the room with her eyes. One of the men was sitting in a couch with a steaming cup of coffee in front of him at the table. He looked heavy built, hard to estimate his height but he had brown hair and was casually dressed in sweats. Behind him there was a very distracting wall paper of an ocean with several big fishes swimming around. It added to the cheese factor of the room.

The other guy was standing by a counter. She estimated 6' 1", shaved head, tattooed covered arms that came out of a sleeve less shirt. He too seemed to work out quite a bit. Behind him she found something very interesting. Screens. Monitors. At least ten in two rows with what looked like a control panel in front of them. Two screens were black but the rest had images of rooms. Two empty rooms but the rest were occupied by one or two people. On one screen she spotted a woman tied up to the roof. A man circled her with what looked like a whip. This was clearly one of Gordon's sex clubs.

"I'm having her fill in for Jackie," Gordon let the guys know and they nodded in acknowledgment. He asked which room and the guy by the counter gave him the number three and then Gordon took off telling Amanda to come with. As they walked further down other sounds blended in with the background music. At times a woman screamed out, it was hard to tell if it was of pleasure or pain. Either way it made Amanda feel anxious.

Gordon seemed to maneuver the narrow corridors easily, making a turn every now and then, knowing exactly where he wanted to go. They passed a few doors but every single one was closed and Amanda felt as though she was led deeper inside a maze. A lot of mirrors everywhere and every now and then she caught her own reflection. She looked lost every time she caught her own eyes in the mirror.

Finally Gordon seemed to reach his destination and he opened the door for her to enter before him. She stepped in to what was clearly some kind of dressing room. It looked as a changing room at some theater with multiple costumes racks and shelves with boxes with some sort of equipment and accessories. By the wall there were two make-up tables with lights all around the mirrors which only added to the feeling they were in some theater and not a damn sex club.

Gordon looked through some costumes on the rack, seemed to hesitate at one but then flipped through another few before he settled on a certain hanger. He handed her the hanger and she took it trying to conceal how she felt about the little black number hanging from it. It was black, leather, some parts studded.

"Change," he just said as he went to have a seat in one of the chairs by the tables. She'd spotted a screen and stepped behind it.
"So all you have to do is dance and masturbate," he said from the other side of the screen. He made it sound so simple, like it was just like going to buy groceries or something.
"You'll see a green or red light by the ceiling somewhere. When it's green you perform. Always. That means you have someone watching. When it's red you can rest."
"I won't see who I'm performing for?" she asked even though she knew already.
"No," he just said and then went quiet again. She focused on getting her attire on right, all the different strings and buckles were hard to get into the right place. Once done she wasn't sure she was done but she supposed the bra was constructed so to leave her breasts bare and the easy access to her lower private parts were also not a glitch in manufacturing.

She didn't feel like stepping out behind the screen but it was the only way to go so she bit down and did it.

"I'm not sure I got the back right," she whispered, hating she had to call for his attention. She turned her back to him as he got up out of his chair to have a look. She flinched as he pulled her hair away from her back but she gathered herself quickly and helped him hold it away so he could have a look at her back.

"Everything in the room has been sterilized," he said as he rearranged some cords on her back, "so use them. Variation is appreciated." It seemed he was done with her back as she felt his hand go downwards and she tried to stand completely still as he lifted her leather skirt a bit to perhaps have a look everything was sorted down there too.

His hands came back up to her shoulders and he squeezed them a little as he turned her around towards another door then the one they came in through.

"Use the bathroom. Even if you don't have to. You'll be locked in there for several hours," he said and pushed her a little forward. Locked in? She didn't like the sound of that. She did as told and avoided looking at herself in the mirror as she didn't like what she briefly spotted. She basically just had to sit down on the bowl as no clothes were obstructing the everyday activity. Once she was done she went out to find him back in the chair, back to fiddling with his phone.

"Put on heavier make-up to go with your outfit," he said and gestured with his head towards the make-up table without looking at her. She had a look at the things spread out on the table as she sat down, flinching just a little as the cold surface of the chair pressed against her. She found a black eyeliner pen and pulled the lid off. She filled in and thicken the war paint she already had on. She found a grey, metallic shimmer eye shadow and used it over the blue she had on. She touched up her cheeks and then applied dark red on her lips. She pressed her lips together on a tissue she pulled out of a box on the table and then had a look at herself in the mirror. She looked like a whore. A dirty one.

"Done?" he asked as he'd apparently caught her loss of momentum in front of the mirror. She nodded and got up to get away from her own reflection. That left her standing face to face, just inches from Gordon though and she wasn't sure that beat out facing her own sad reflection. He'd put down his phone and from somewhere magically gotten a water bottle that he now held out for her to grab. He handed her something with his other hand to but she shook her head a little as she spotted the tiny white pill marked with an X.

"Don't worry, its nothing heavy. I don't want the disorder that was displayed at the house Monday. My reputation is on the line down here too," he said and she tried to comprehend everything. He sounded dire at the same time as he seemed to want to help her out and to top it all off he sounded like he actually was afraid of someone that was above him on the food chain. Perhaps Gordon wasn't at the very top after all Amanda had time to think before she accepted the pill from him. Their eyes stayed linked as she swallowed the pill. When she wanted to hand the water bottle back to him he told her to take it with her, she might need it later on.

He handed her the cap to screw back on as he turned to look down one of the boxes on the shelf closest by. He soon turned back and again she tried to contain her emotions as she saw what he was holding on to. He on the other hand didn't contain the slight smile that played over his face as he played with one of the clamps. His eyes were focused down as he stepped in to her. He looked back up though as he'd positioned the clamp around his target and caught her eyes as he slowly let the clamp trap her nipple in its grasp. She couldn't help but clinch her jaw as the slight pain radiated from her pierced nipple and she wasn't quite able to hold his stare. He kept his eyes on her though as he felt his way over to her other nipple and he slowly repeated the procedure. Whatever effects that pill was supposed to have it helped nothing with the unwanted pain thrilled sensation in her chest or the humiliation she felt under his intrusive gaze. He tugged a little on the chain that connected the two clamps and she had to work hard to mute the gasp that was threatening to slip up her throat. She knew by his grin though, which she could see even with her eyes shifted slightly off him, that he picked up on the sensation she tried to swallow.

"Let's go," he breathed, paused but then finally moved back towards the door. She followed but a few steps behind now. She figured it was in his interest to make sure she followed anyways.

"Joe," Gordon suddenly said and a guy that had hasted by another corridor came to an abrupt halt and turn to come meet them.
"Hey Flash," the man said and they shook hands and gave each other a quick pat on each other's backs.
"Meet Shay," Gordon said and moved a little so Joe could get a look at her.
"Hi Shay, I'm Joe," he said with a smile and she appreciated that his eyes didn't go down her body but stayed connected with hers.
"Hi," she said softly.

"She'll be in three, covering for Jackie," Gordon informed him and Joe nodded.
"Can you get her set up? Her things are in Shirley once she's done and I'm leaving Frank here to take her and the rest home." Joe just nodded agreeing at everything Gordon said.
"No problem," he said as Gordon got quiet and they shook hands again.

"Come with me," Joe said with a smile and gestured for her to follow him. Gordon just stepped aside and let her pass. He didn't say anything and she didn't look back to see if he lingered or walked off immediately.
"So first time?" Joe asked, again with a smile and shot her a quick look over his shoulder. She nodded, smiling. They passed a door just as a woman screamed out from somewhere behind it.
"Don't worry, all consensual," Joe smiled at her as he caught her flinch.
"We have you set up in number three. It's a basic stage with a pole, you work Assets or?" Again she nodded at him.
"Okay, so it's more or less like a mini Assets. The mood is a bit darker though. The girl you're covering for does a lot of SM so we had it prepared for that."

"But I'm alone right?" she asked a bit scared that information hadn't been provided to this management. Joe gave her a reassuring smile over his shoulder.
"Yes, alone in the room."
"If you don't mind me asking, how many are watching behind the glass?" she just had to know and Joe seemed like he might not mind.

"I don't have that information I'm afraid, I just set up your rooms. But it's a double feature, meaning you have two separate rooms watching so it can basically go on non-stop until someone lets you out." Joe stopped in front of a door, unlocked it and let her have a peek inside. A stage, a pole, a chair, a couple of pillows on the floor in the corner. A little of Assets vibe but the glass walls, and glass ceiling, kinda took away from it.

"Do you have to lock the door?" she asked and again Joe just smiled, taking no offence to her questions.
"It's for your own safety really. I don't want you to worry, we have cameras watching, the customers are held separately from you girls but we have had breaches in the past. There's some nutjobs at times, desperate enough they can go to extremes so it is safer if we lock you in. Me or one of the other guys can be here in less than a minute but for that minute… We want you safe." He seemed honestly nice and she appreciated his candid answer even if she was thinking she wouldn't be so safe if a fire got lose or something. But at least this reassured her Mayhem would not come sprinting through the door. There was a chance he was here, that he would see her but he would not get to her tonight.

"You okay?" Joe asked and she nodded.
"We have Jackie's music for you, it's a bit hard core but I hope it will do," Joe said and she told him it was okay.
"Okay we'll see you in five then," Joe smiled and shut the door once she was inside.

Five hours? She felt a bit of panic as she heard the lock close behind her. Breathe she thought to herself and looked around to occupy herself with something. There was no getting away from her own reflection in here and she truly had a hard time looking at herself. She spotted the red light up by one of the corners and figured she didn't have to start performing just yet. She stepped up on the low cat-walk and had a feel at the pole. It looked like a permanent construction so she figured she could trust it with all her routines. The empty chair stood right below the stage and the pillows looked rather comfortable even though they were placed right on the floor. There was a basket by the door and she went back to have a look and at the same time put down her water bottle behind it.

She found all kind of different sex toys in there and could only hope Gordon had been sincere when he said everything in the room was sanitized. She found a flogger and couldn't help but smile as it reminded her of Sierra. She figured she might try and play with it a little, she might try some of Sierra's moves.

When she'd first stepped into the room she'd felt a bit self-conscious and she wasn't sure when or how that changed but she started to imagine how she could use some of the things in that basket. Strangely enough it didn't seem weird to her that she thought these things and when the music suddenly started blasting at her it didn't even make her flinch. She licked her lips a little as she got back up on her feet and oddly enough it felt a bit as her mouth were unattached to the rest of her face. When she lifted her arms up above her head they too felt a bit unattached. She felt light, like she could almost lift from the surface if she just jumped a little. She wouldn't try it though she told herself silently. 'You must behave' she mumbled. Be a good girl. Perform.

She noticed the red light turn to green and she stepped up on the stage without hesitation. She didn't recognize the music, it was something harder than you'd find on her private playlist, but it was easy to pick up the beat. Leaning back against the pole she found the rhythm with her heal and she raised her hands up, grabbed a hold of the pole and just took a few deep breaths taking the music in.

It seemed as the lyrics spoke to her; "So shout if you're a freak like me, don't apologize, they can't hold you down, you were born to rise, it's our time now to come out. If you're a freak like me!"

Once she started moving there was no stopping her. She did a mix of her own routine at Assets and Sierra's, the flogger had come up with her on the stage and dangled from her wrist as she moved. She managed to get caught in the chain to her nipple clamps during the routine and the sharp pain as they ripped off her nipples made her eyes jolt open. She hadn't been aware that she'd closed them. She was met with a sea of dark red colors. The musty interior and decor, perhaps the lights had something to do with it too, seemed to blend together with the glass walls and everything was just a pulsating sea of red velvet. It was beautiful, and sinful.

The previous sharp pain evoked something inside, some urge for painful pleasure and she started whipping the flogger around, every now and then letting it strike down harshly on her own skin. She didn't care who was watching on the other side of the red velvet, all she cared about was that he watched. The one she knew would be provoked by her inner desire for sin. The one who wanted to cleanse her from every shameful desire and thought. The Mayhem that she couldn't wait to meet.

[music] "You don't know about this life I've lived, all these roads I've walked, all these tears I've bled. So how can this be? You're praying to me, there's a look in your eyes, I know just what that means. I can be, I can be your everything. I can be your whore. I am the dirt you created. I am your sinner. I am your whore."

In that moment it was so clear to her, just as clear as the red velvet vibrating through the room. It all came down to this, Mayhem was her destiny. She'd been born to meet him and right there in that room she knew exactly what made him tic. She knew cause she could think like him. She could only hope this realization would stick, that it would still be there in the morning. Cause for five heated hours she would dance, touch and inflict pain to herself. She would make herself come numerous times, harder than she'd ever come before, at least that's how it felt right then.

The green light would only momentarily change to red but she would perform right through the breaks and when the music finally abruptly ended she was already on her knees panting hard. She put her palms down against the stage and watched the door as she heard the lock untwine. Her head was spinning a bit but she could make out that it was one of the guys from the control room that popped his head in once the door was open.

"You're done," he just said. He could probably tell she was drained cause he came inside and helped her to her feet. He grabbed the water bottle by the door and told her to have some, he added she should seeing how she hadn't had any since she entered. She let him guide her down the corridor with his hands around her hips. He brought her inside a room, it took a while but then she recognized the lights around the mirror and realized they were in the same dressing room as before.

"You need some help?" she heard close to her ear and as she looked up at her own reflection in the mirror she could tell the man was standing very close behind her and his one hand had travelled up her stomach a little. Everything seemed to register a little slow but then she felt him pressing up against her hip and she could tell he was in a state that made it very questionable she should be alone in a room with him right now.

"I'm fine," she said and tried to push him away a little. He budged easily though and she felt relieved once he left without any hassle and closed the door behind him. She paddled her way back to the screen where she remembered leaving her own clothes earlier. It took her a long time and many failed attempts before she finally got out of the leather harness she'd been in. She got her underwear and skirt on but then struggled with her bra and ended up just shoving it down the side of her skirt and pulled the shirt over her head.

She managed to make her way back to the table and plumped down on the chair grateful to have made it there. She just sat there straight up and down for a while and tried to get her bearing as the room shifted a little around her. Time passed by but then her eyes started going around the table. She got a tissue and then pumped out something from a container, she was hoping for make-up remover but it could just as easily have been lotion. She didn't really care and just tried to wipe some of the make-up off her eye. Whatever the fluid was it seemed to work at least a little and she repeated the procedure on her other eye. When she saw herself in the mirror she still looked like a raccoon though and she gave up. She put her elbows on the table and let her head rest in her hands for a while. She felt so very tired and figured she would just put her head down for a second before she tried to find her way back to wherever they'd entered from. Once she'd closed her eyes though she didn't really feel like opening them again and she just let herself fall into a well needed slumber.

She was so tired she didn't even register when the door to the dressing room opened. She did register that someone approached her though. She figured she would have registered if anyone said anything but no one spoke and she didn't really mind as all she wanted to do was sleep. She felt the arm that came in around her back and then the second one that snaked in underneath her knees. She felt herself getting lifted and had no problem snuggling into the strong chest that held on to her. As long as she could sleep she was okay with anything. She fell back to sleep as they left the room.

She didn't register the music pumping in the background, the muted random screaming that still echoed through the corridor or the slight chill in the air as they passed the back entrance to the Dungeon. The climb up the metal stairs went unregistered, so where the placement in the back of a car as well as the tender caress of her face by a hand that held a scar.

As Amanda was performing in that room down below in a whole different borough, Fin was driving the streets of Brooklyn hoping to get a glimpse of her. It was the fifth night in a row and with every passing day he grew more tired and more scared that he would never see her again. As she was getting carried up and away from a horrid establishment he'd fallen asleep on a roadside miles away from her. Both asleep in a car with no awareness of the threat lingering nearby. For him it was several sketchy figures roaming the streets with guns tucked in their belt and with an urge to score something tonight, a car would do. For her it was one specific sketchy figure who watched her stumble half-awake across the parking lot outside her motel. Her threat fought an urge to grab her there and then, knowing he would want to prolong the suffering and at the same time prolong his own enjoyment.

She had managed to wake up enough to let her driver know where to drop her off and she'd managed to, with a little help, get out of the car as they arrived. It was straining to walk, she felt soar a little all over the place. A uncomfortable sensation between her legs caused by extensive raw rubbing, a slight sore feeling as even her tee felt uncomfortable against her flogged back and a headache she feared would be even more obstructive in the morning.

The motel building seemed miles away from the curb and the single flight of stairs like climbing Dick's knob. But she made it and she managed to lock the door and make sure her room was empty from threat before she crashed on the bed without shedding a single piece of clothing. It would all just have to wait until the morning was the last thing she thought before she fell asleep unaware of the shadow lurking outside her motel room.

The following day she again felt embarrassed that she'd let herself get into such a state that she couldn't even remember most of the things she'd done down in that room at the Dungeon let alone how she'd gotten out of there and back to her motel. She vouched again that she would stay clear of any drugs and then shamefully had to ask Sierra for help to cover up her flogged back as she got to Assets. Sierra just laughed though, she called it a rookie mistake and told Amanda she would show her the right way to use a flogger so she wouldn't get marks. Again body make-up came well in handy and Amanda could get out on stage without embarrassment.

On Monday she worked both the Dungeon and the chateau. Both Sierra and Raven were doing the double gig and it gave her some sense of security even though she was locked inside a room by herself at the Dungeon and then left alone in a room with several masked men later that night. She did it without any drugs though. She did have a drink in the dressing room down in the dungeon and then another couple of them while waiting around in the house. But she felt clear, like she could protect herself if she would have to.

Joe wasn't around the Dungeon Monday but she learnt the names of the other two, Colby and Damien. Colby had been the one that made a move or whatever it was in the dressing room after the last gig. She'd been able to sketch them rather well in her block the day before and would be able to touch the sketches up a little after having spent some more time with them. She added the little information she had on them into her Ipad. She sketched Joe too even though she didn't want to believe he was a bad one.

At the chateau there were some new faces around the 'crew' and she did a better job this time to chat the others up. Sierra even said she was so sociable tonight, and added 'I approve' just to let her know it was okay with her.

Frank had been with them the entire day. He'd picked them up in a van that looked the same as the one that had been parked by their SUV as they got there Saturday. It did have the same last three digits too and she managed to get a forth. Sitting in the back of the van they didn't need to be blindfolded but Amanda already knew where they were headed anyway. The tracker had worked perfectly and she'd been able to trace their route on her Ipad. The Dungeon was located in Manhattan, on the Lower East side. She felt some satisfaction that her former squad might be the ones who got to take the sex club down once her intel landed in their hands. She tried not to think about the fact that she would most probably not be alive when that happen and instead tried to be happy right now about the vengeance that was coming.

Leaving the Dungeon they had to wear blindfolds though. Sierra and Raven just went with it and Amanda wouldn't be the one to fuss. They got into the SUV and laughed as they drove out of there since Raven had accused Sierra of coping a feel. It wasn't that funny to begin with but Sierra just had a knack for making things funny and Amanda was close to peeing in her pants as Sierra kept claiming her innocence at the same time as Amanda felt her hand coming in under her butt to cop a feel. Raven was surely getting the same treatment as she was dying of laughter at the other side of the backseat. Frank shouted at them to keep it down but it was obvious by the tone of his voice that he had, if not laughed, at least smiled at their fooling around. Sierra shouted back that he was just jealous he wasn't back there with them and Frank silence told them he probably was. Soon thereafter he told them it was okay to remove the blindfolds. He didn't look angry once they could finally see him.

They saw Gordon first at the house. As usual he was the one in charge and gave them their stations for the night. Amanda got the same room and what looked like the same bed. Something assuring about the familiarity even though it was just the second time in there. It felt easier to just get going this time around but she spotted one masked man that just seemed… odd. She couldn't tell just what it was about him but she was almost completely certain it was the same man over and over again. He moved around, disappeared for short periods but then seemed to reemerge and something about his stance made her spot him. She had no idea how she could identify him though. He wore white gloves so getting a glass with his fingerprints would be impossible even if she was able to grab one. She tried to get him out of her head and just hoped she might receive a threat soon.

The following day, as Cragen and her squad were on their way to a morgue in Brooklyn to identify what they feared was her body, Amanda made her way to Assets for a day shift. She worked one more shift at the Dungeon that week and spent the rest of her time either at Assets, at Scott's, Sierra's or walking around her confined square that was her home at the motel just waiting for Mayhem to make a move. But nothing happen and she was getting restless again.

When not occupied by Assets, Scott or Sierra her head went places where she didn't want to go. Her sister was popping back up again. Often. And not just in her dreams. It often started with a fear she was forgetting how Kim looked. She cursed herself for the billionth time that she'd forgot the shoebox with all the photos at her apartment. It was about the only thing she'd kept and the plan had been to put it in a safety box somewhere so she could go there just for a quick look at her sister's face if she felt like it. But then she'd been stupid enough to forget it and when she tried to get back in there had been some guys already moving in.

She didn't have a single photo of her sister. She'd finally visited a community just to have a look at her sister's profile picture and saved it on her Ipad. Seeing her sister most often didn't end well though cause she got sad and she had promised herself to not shed another tear. When alone in the dark she sometimes broke that promise but only to the point that she let the tears flow silently, if she just stayed quiet she could pretend the tears weren't there.

So her sister was popping up a lot, doubt and shame were way up there too. She started to doubt her own ability to catch this guy. What if she never caught him? Could she do this for the rest of her life? When would she end it? The shame was even worse. In the moment she could enjoy something but then as it passed it left her with such shame it stunned her to the core. She tried showering, puking, self harming but nothing seemed to work against the shame. So she kept herself occupied as much as possible.

She partied with Sierra and the other girls, took more jobs at the Dungeon where the music could drown her feelings. She went with Scott whenever he asked her to and she smoked crack with him. She drank a lot. She took drugs from Gordon or Frank whenever she worked the Dungeon or the house, thinking it was just for that single occasion.

Gordon had been on her several times trying to tempt her to take escort jobs for him. He'd mentioned 'her biggest fan' a few times now and it seemed the 'donation' had grown to a ridiculous amount. Clearly Gordon could earn quite a bit because she knew he was in no shortage of women. It had soon been two months since she started working at Assets. It felt like ages but at the same time she couldn't believe how far, or low, or however she should describe it, had gotten in such a short amount of time.

But she was restless. And tired. What if she had to... pimp herself out to attract Mayhem? Was he perhaps only going after prostitutes? Had his second confirmed victim actually been a prostitute and not just a bartender? She felt conflicted. She felt desperate. And that's how she ended up at Ganzel's party.

She'd said yes. She'd seen Gordon smirk when she finally budged. Cassie had told her he would win her over. She'd been right. Why wasn't she picking up her phone by the way? And why wasn't her boyfriend picking up either?

That Friday she'd been able to climb the wall of Sierra's apartment. And she would have done it had it not raised eyebrows and the last thing she felt like was attention right then. She felt bad that Sierra had to babysit her again too, just like she had in the beginning. When Sierra asked her if she needed anything she said yes immediately and they went into her bedroom to do a line each. Amanda didn't ask what it was, she trusted Sierra and she told her it would make her feel better. Unfortunately this night it didn't seem to do anything for her and it didn't get any better when Scott arrived instead of Frank to take them over to the gig. The rest of the girls seemed to think it was great that Scott were taking them though but for Amanda it just got worse.

"What are you doing here?" she asked as they were making their way down the stairs.
"Gordon needed Frank for something so he called me. You don't say no to Gordon," Scott explained. It wasn't like she and Scott discussed everything but she had been rather up front to him that she didn't do escort jobs for Gordon. And then when that was about to change she mentioned it a little in passing. She'd seen a frown on his face but he'd seemed to take it rather well and nothing seemed to change between them although they stayed away from the topic as usual.

"You don't..." she wasn't sure how to ask, "I mean do you, I don't know, mind me doing this?" She wanted him to say yes. She wanted him desperately to say yes.
"You don't say no to Gordon," he just repeated as they reached the street and he kissed her temple before he went around the SUV to jump in the driver's seat. The girls all crammed into the back and then they took off. She tried joining into their fun and singing to the tune on the radio but she was failing. This wasn't just an ordinary gig, she was going to sleep with someone for money. Or she would get killed. She wasn't sure which alternative sounded better. She found herself reaching in through the small space between the door and the driver's seat and grabbing on to Scott's jacket. She just felt the need to grab on to something and at this point he was the most solid thing she could think of. She knew he took notice for whenever he didn't need his hand on the wheel it came down to rest above hers.

They drove into Manhattan and continued southbound. She wasn't sure where they were going tonight but suddenly she found they were driving down a familiar street and when Scott started to look for numbers as they got closer to a familiar building the nervous feeling in her gut grew bigger. And when they drove down into the garage of Bart Ganzel's building her anxiety level was higher than the building itself. She knew the chances were high that there lived more than one pervert in this house but knowing her luck she also knew what loft they were aiming for as they took the elevator up.

She found herself trying to hide behind Scott. Thankfully they got there rather late and the party was already pumping. Girls in just their underwear were up on the tables and giving lap dances. Scott told them to grab drinks or whatever but don't stray too far since Gordon was arriving in a bit. Amanda stayed close to Scott and he didn't seem to mind. Amanda tried to keep her head down but at the same time keep an eye out for Ganzel, Cassidy or anyone else she might have run into when she was here over a year ago in a whole other capacity. She found Ganzel more or less strung out in a couch with a girl on his arm and it looked as though he may be planted there. She didn't spot Cassidy or anyone else she recognized and she was able to relax a bit. At least for now. Sierra came around and told them to come dance so they did. It seemed a bit unclear what exactly they were doing there but once Gordon arrived it got cleared up rather quickly. He had Frank with him and Amanda saw Scott hand over the car keys to him, get a bundle of cash back and then he slipped out without saying good bye to her.

Gordon told them to just have fun and then be ready to leave in about an hour. Amanda wasn't in the mood to have fun but dancing with Sierra wasn't all that bad. She downed a few more drinks during that hour, sat in a few laps and sold the name Prestige to anyone who asked where she came from. Prestige was the name of Gordon's escort service and he always wanted more clients. At one point Ganzel passed her with just inches to spare. His vision seemed blurred even from a far though and as she had time to turn away from him she was rather certain she avoided identification. She figured Ganzel wouldn't be one to keep that in if he did recognize her. But how could he really? She didn't even recognize herself when she saw herself in a mirror.

It seemed the party guest had already started to thin out when it was time for them to leave. Apparently they weren't taking the car as Gordon took them out through the lobby and out on the street. Sierra and Amanda had hooked arms and it seemed all but one girl was still with them. Frank took flank as usual and made sure everyone was keeping up. They crossed the intersection and headed down a street. They walked for only a few minutes and then Gordon suddenly stopped and turned to face them. They'd stopped right outside the Hampton inn and Amanda didn't have to wonder long as Gordon started to hand out key cards. He sent them away one by one, letting a few minutes pass between them. Soon Sierra and Amanda were the only ones left out there with Frank and Gordon. Gordon made a gesture with his head and Frank turned and walked back where they came from. Gordon handed Sierra a keycard and gave her a room number. Before she took off she gave Amanda a kiss and a smile. Amanda watched her walk towards the hotel entrance with that swagger of hers, always so confident. Amanda wished she could have just an ounce of it right now.

"I'm walking you up there," Gordon suddenly said and grabbed a hold of her hand. She felt unable to resist and found herself being pulled towards the hotel. What did that mean? Was someone actually waiting up there for her or was Gordon her date for the night? Was she set up? Well she knew she was but how? What if Gordon was Mayhem? But surely Mayhem didn't act at a hotel. He kept his victims for days, a hotel wasn't suitable for that was it?

She kept her head down as they passed the lobby even though she was rather hoping someone would catch them. That someone could see the tramp label in her forehead and stop her from entering their establishment. But no one stopped them and Gordon brought her into one of the elevators. He kept holding on to her hand almost like he knew she could bolt at any second.

"So the donation is already taken care of, you don't have to bother with that, you'll get the money the next time I see you," Gordon said with a muted voice.
"Here's for a cab home," he handed her a fifty dollar bill and she hurried to push it down her purse. She hoped this meant she wasn't spending the night with Gordon but at the same time the uncertainty on who was waiting for her was just as bad.

They got up to the seventeenth floor and Gordon looked both ways before he took her down the left corridor. It was a short walk and he stopped outside room 179. Amanda had a hard time breathing. He turned to face her without letting go of her hand. She tried to meet his gaze but she wasn't able to and finally just kept her eyes down.

"It will be worth your while, I promise," he said as that would reassure her. What did he know? He wasn't the one selling himself right? He wasn't the one who would have to have a complete stranger invade him. The flare of anger she felt didn't help with the breathing.

It seemed he too in a way could tell she was working herself up.

"Go on," he said and handed her the key card. She managed to meet his gaze briefly.
"C'mon," he urged when she hesitated. She tried to keep her hand as still as possible as she put the key card down it's slot and the light blinked green momentarily. He got the door open when she just froze there and she felt herself being more or less pushed inside. The hallway was lit up by the light from the outside but got dark as soon as the door shut behind her. The sound made her flinch even though it wasn't loud in any way. The room was lit further in and she knew she had to go there sooner or later. She made her way down slowly trying to take in the beautiful view outside the terrace. The room wasn't that big and the bed came into her line of sight early on, and so did the figure sitting on the bed.

"Welcome," he said. He was old, closer to fifty. Grey hair, receding hair line. He wasn't bad looking really but he could be prince charming right now and she would probably still find him disgusting. He was nicely dressed, looked as though he could have been one of Ganzel's guest and he probably had been. He'd taken off his jacket and his shoes. His white button up shirt was undone at the neck, tie probably removed too. It didn't look as he had anything underneath his shirt, a few grey hairs peeking out. His black pants were still on and so were his socks. He'd made himself a drink, probably scotch and the ice cube was clinking a little against the glass as he moved it around a little making the amber fluid swirl. He looked somewhat sophisticated at first look, but what true sophisticated man would buy another human being?

"Hi," she whispered and tried a smile. It felt wrong to say thank you.

"You want a drink?" he asked and she nodded.
"Does the lady drink whiskey?" he smiled and she nodded again. She really wasn't a fan but anything would do right now and she figured if she drank it too she wouldn't just have to taste it on his breath later on. She felt stuck to the exact spot where she'd been at as they first made eye contact.

"Ice?" he asked but this time she shook her head. He seemed to like that answer and put back the ice cube he'd grabbed. He approached her and she estimated quickly that he had at least three inches on her. She handed her the glass and she took it with a forced smile. His presence again made her feel out of breath. She waited for some queue it was okay for her to down the liquid and once he'd clinked his glass into hers she took that as the sign and in one swipe finished the drink. When she opened her eyes again as she came back up having tossed her head back a little his eyebrows were a bit raised. Soon that smirk was back though.

"Straight down," he said sounding a bit impressed, "you swallow everything that easy?" She had to bite down the disgust she felt for him which was hard with his eyes piercing her. She got a chance to frown a little though as he turned away from her and walked back over to the bed. He had another taste of his drink and then sat back down.

"I want you to undress now," he said and let his eyes wander down her body.
"Slowly," he added once his eyes came back up to meet hers. She had a really hard time seeing the Mayhem choker in this scumbag and the thought of bolting crossed her mind. But what would happen if she did? How would Gordon react? Would she ruin everything? Get thrown out of Assets too? She couldn't risk it.

She tossed her purse down on the floor next to the chair where his jacket was placed. She figured she would try and search his pockets later on if she got a chance. Get something to ID this guy. For now though she had an even tougher job to do. And she just tried to block her mind as she reached for her zipper on her dress.

"Slower," he said, "and dance a little for me sweetheart. I'm expecting you to work for your money."

Twenty four hours later she stood eye to eye with her former squad members. Eye to eye with her former partner. If only. If only they'd gotten there a day earlier. Then maybe. Just maybe. But now she knew there was no going back. There was no way in hell she would own up to what she'd done the night before. No way she could tell anyone how he'd closed his fist in her hair as he shoved her face down into a pillow and how he'd whispered 'whore' into her ear as he first entered her and repeated it every now and then as he kept slamming himself inside of her.

She kept up appearance. Tried to sell herself as a stripper. It was easy. She was a stripper after all, and a good one. Fin had pushed of course, not buying into her crap but there was no way he would win this time. She knew she was more bullheaded than him. She'd pushed him to the brink, felt just a slight hint of guilt but known it was what she had to do. And she'd won the battle. If there was such a thing as winning in this situation. But the minute she'd left the room, having to bite down the growing panic inside to maneuver past Justin, she'd rushed down the stairs and found the first place where she could bundle up in a corner without anyone catching her. And she'd slammed her hands over her ears a few times as she tried to keep the forbidden tears back and get rid of the voice in her head.

"Whore." It echoed inside of her. And then the "you can stay a while if you want to but I don't want you here when I wake up in the morning. I don't want to wake up next to a whore." She'd so been set up. That man hadn't been her 'biggest fan', he had nothing but loathing for her.

He'd been the most disgusting man she'd ever met and she'd hurried out of there so quickly she forgot to search for an ID. Maybe it was for the best. If she had his name she would probably kill him. Yes she would kill him. It made her feel better thinking it even though she knew she wouldn't. There was one man she would kill and one man only. He was the Mayhem choker. And if she couldn't do it herself she would make sure her death would bring him to the electric chair once and for all. And no former squad members would stand in her way. The show must go on so she got up, got redressed to get ready for her next stage show. She would give her former squad members a show they'd soon forget.