turn seven: realizing88888888888888888888888888888888888888888
There
are many things that I would Because maybe...
like to say to you,
but I don't
know how.
you're gonna be the one saves
me.
And after all,
you're my wonderwall.
-
"Wonderwall" by
Oasis
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Shuichi took a shuddering breath. He could hardly believe what he'd just heard.
"Yuki...Yuki, it's me. It's Shuichi."
Yuki stared at him for a long time, reaching up to cup the young man's cheek. Shuichi caught hold of his hand and held it tightly, his plum-coloured eyes dripping with tears.
"Shuichi…of course...I remember," Yuki said quietly, running his thumb over Shuichi's cheekbone. "Stop crying, you brat." Shuichi looked to see tears forming in the novelist's own eyes, and his heart simply melted. He smiled wide and lay down next to his lover, snuggling close. Yuki held him tight, looking up at the ceiling.
"Where did you go?" Yuki asked after a moments' silence.
"I'm right here, Yuki…oh my God. Are you dying? I'll go get the nurse if you're dying."
Yuki rolled his eyes. "I'm not dying, you fool. I remember you ran away for some reason...and then I -- don't remember anything. Or anyone, for that matter -- but you. I remember your name and your face. But...nothing else."
He continued to hold Shuichi, still staring at the ceiling. Shuichi's happiness was dwindling by the second, and being replaced with a wretched kind of fear.
"Tell me," Yuki said quietly. "It feels so natural, holding you like this. But I don't...I can't -- "
Shuichi nodded, understanding completely. It felt natural, but Yuki didn't really know why.
"You and I...we're lovers," Shuichi said calmly, leaning upward and propping himself on Yuki's chest as he brushed the novelist's golden locks with his other hand. "We met a long time ago...you have so many fans, just numerous screaming legions of fans, all of them girls, all of them gorgeous, and -- out of all those girls...you chose me."
"Why?" Yuki asked. "Why do I -- and why you?"
"Because you're a famous romance novelist," Shuichi whispered, still caressing Yuki's hair. "And because...well, honestly -- I don't know why."
"Maybe because you're a nice person," Yuki said softly, his voice low and slightly cracked. "Because you care. About me, I mean."
"I do," Shuichi reassured him. "I do care. And I like to think that you care too, but...a lot of the time...well, you're so cold to me."
Yuki shook his head, his eyes full of confusion.
"Why was I cold to such a happy person?" Yuki whispered, his gaze fixed on Shuichi now. Shuichi looked at his lover, who was scaring him a little with this frighteningly calm form of mild amnesia.
"I get on your nerves a lot," Shuichi admitted, grinning sheepishly. "I'm too excitable, and I distract you from your work. But all the same, you...I think you still love me."
Yuki showed no notable reaction. Instead, he clung tighter to the young man, his heartbeat slow and steady. Shuichi placed his head on the older man's chest, longing to be so much closer to Yuki than he was allowed. He wanted to escape the bonds of flesh and be one within the blood, the bone, the heart.
But he couldn't.
They closed their eyes and fell asleep in silence. Shuichi held his lover as close as possible, cheek to chest, ear to heart.
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The next morning, Yuki opened his eyes and immediately sucked in his breath. A young boy lay on his chest, curled up in his arms. And for some reason, he couldn't remember why. It was like a wall was blocking his mind from remembering anything that had happened before now.
Which scared Yuki even more.
"What are you doing in my bed?" he whispered, panicked and unhappy. Shuichi awakened, and he sat up, inclining his head towards Yuki like a sad, curious child.
Yuki attempted to sit up, but a bolt of pain suddenly flooded his abdomen and he groaned in agony, clutching his midriff.
"Yuki, are you alright?" Shuichi asked calmly, leaning over to steady the blonde by placing one hand on his back, the other on his stomach.
"Get off me!" Yuki demanded.
"Y-Yuki what's wrong with you...?" Tears started to fill Shuichi's eyes. It was happening all over again, Yuki didn't remember him, and his heart was beating relentlessly, his pulse racing with anxiety and fear --
"Wait," Yuki said, his eyes suddenly focusing on the boy. "Wait I -- yes. Yes, I remember you --"
"You do?"
"-- Vaguely."
Shuichi's hope died all over again. "Oh." He bit his lip, trying hard not to cry so much but failing.
"Yuki…"
"Stop
crying, would you? It's irritating me," Yuki snapped, laying
back down. His
stomach had stopped hurting.
"Yuki, you're -- you're doing it again. You're being mean to me."
"And what does it matter?"
"Yuki, I -- you can't. You can't keep doing this. I need you -- we need you, I'm having a baby, and --"
"What?"
Shuichi looked into Yuki's eyes. There it was, that hurt and confused look. Shuichi swallowed and nodded.
"It's your baby."
"No, you're -- I'm -- you're a boy, that's -- that's impossible. It can't be mine."
"It is. That's the reason I ran away. Tohma Seguchi broadcasted the my pregnancy on live television and I wanted to get away -- so no one would bother you. You -- probably hate me now, since I've told you this, but -- "
His speech was cut short by a pair of lips suddenly pressing upon his. His eyes remained wide open, his mind disbelieving. He had shot up just to kiss the younger boy, despite his abdominal pain. Shuichi darted his tongue out to taste his lover's lips. They tasted of medicine and warmth.
"Yuki…" Shuichi whispered against Yuki's mouth.
"Don't," Yuki said, still kissing him. Shuichi closed his eyes and held onto the older man as tightly as he could, his heartbeat livening once more.
They both knew what they wanted to do, but it couldn't be done right there and then. They didn't have the privacy nor the energy.
"Just...lay down with me," Yuki pleaded quietly, something suddenly weakening him. Shuichi suddenly felt Yuki's body grow limp and he held onto him as tight as he could, for fear of letting him fall. He gently placed Yuki back onto the bed, and lay down next to him. He closed his eyes and bit his lower lip, wondering how long this strange predicament would go on.
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Hours passed and Shuichi found himself awake in his bed.
His...own bed.
He sat up almost immediately. Someone had moved him during the night. He looked all around, and finally looked at the bed beside his.
No
one was there. He looked at his hand, and found that it was attached
to the peripheral IV again. Something must have dropped or fluctuated
or whatever while he was sleeping. He remembered, yes, because he
still had pneumonia, of course.
But it didn't matter now.
He felt panic wash over him all over again. He swallowed and looked all around, but Yuki remained to be seen. His bit his lower lip and whimpered quietly to himself.
"Yuki?"
Nothing.
"Yuki...Yuki, where are you?" Shuichi cried out, his voice shaking with fear. He clutched the sheets and cried into the cloth, his shoulders shaking. Perfect. Absolutely perfect. First his one and only love forgets who he is, then he just disappears without a trace. He couldn't stand this, couldn't stand not being in a semi-normal situation where he knew where Yuki was and knew what to do. If something wasn't going Shuichi's way, he could always change it. Instead, he was bound by a plastic band around his skinny wrist and four walls, and the people outside told him what to do and where to go. Sure, it wasn't much of a change from working at N-G, but at least he had some freedom with what he wanted to do there.
At least people answered his questions.
Now, he was stuck in a hospital bed, unsure of his lover's mental condition and frightened that Yuki would never fully remember him or anyone else.
He felt so...powerless. And he hated it.
"Shuichi?"
He knew the voice, but he didn't care. Shuichi continued to cry, his limbs quivering.
"Shuichi, Yuki's in surgery again. One of his hollow organs ruptured...that's why he was in so much pain. They're thinking he's got peritonitis."
Shuichi didn't know what that was, and he didn't particularly care. All he knew was that it was causing Yuki to be in pain, and he didn't like that. At all.
"Hiro…"
Hiro sat down next to Shuichi and held him close, his face full of sadness and sympathy.
"Tell me what happened," Shuichi choked out. "Tell me why you're all here."
Hiro sighed and started, regretting every second he had to tell Shuichi all that had happened. With every word, Shuichi paled, until he was as white as his sheets. Hiro bit his lip, finishing hastily as soon as he got to the part of the car crash.
"...Damn -- and it's -- it's all my fault. Oh, dammit..."
Shuichi put his head in his hands, then he looked up again.
"How are you, then?" he said hurriedly. "How is Fujisaki-kun? Are you still hurt, or…?"
"It's not about us right now. You are allowed to be worried about Yuki, you know," Hiro said playfully, a sad smile forming on his lips.
"Hiro…." Tears started welling up in his eyes.
"It's okay, it's all right -- Yuki will be fine. He's going to be okay."
But Shuichi couldn't believe him. He was too afraid.
"Hiro…what if…what if Yuki doesn't remember me again?"
"He'll remember you, Shuichi. It's a little hard to forget someone as small and annoying as you," Hiro said, laughing a bit. Shuichi tried to smile, but all he managed was a half-assed grimace. He raised his hand to scratch his other arm and found something was wrong.
"Wha...?"
Blood was dripping from his forearm and trailing down his skin, pooling on the blanket. He stared at the IV needle in his forearm and saw that the skin around it was dark in colour. His breath quickened. His heartbeat tripled in speed.
He fell backward onto the bed, suddenly unconscious of anything that was going on around him. Shuichi's eyes fluttered closed, his mouth slightly open.
"DOCTOR!" Hiro yelled, jumping off of the bed. "SOMEONE! HELP!"
A doctor and a nurse rushed into the room. Hiro stepped back, his hand to his mouth. He had no idea what was happening. And he didn't like that.
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"It was most likely a collapsed vein," the doctor said after half an hour. Shuichi had nearly gone into V-fib three times while the nurse was prepping another IV for a transfusion to replace the pop star's lost blood. Two charges from the defibrillator and a shot of adrenaline later, and Shuichi's heartbeat was back on line.
Hiro was standing outside of the room, his heart still pounding. His mind was reeling from what had just happened. It seemed too serious, too frightening. But he needed to get a grip.
"What do you mean," Hiro asked plaintively, maintaining a steady voice.
"One of Shindou-san's medicines probably inflamed his vein and irritated it. It collapsed from the pressure. Why he bled out, we don't know, but it most likely won't happen again. In the meantime, we've put him on some new medicine and his health should improve in a few hours. His pneumonia isn't as serious as we thought, so he won't -- well, die."
Hiro sighed in relief, and leaned back against the wall.
"So it was a false alarm?"
"More or less," the doctor said, grimacing. "Now, I'm sorry, but I need to go back and bring in Eiri Yuki. He's out of surgery now -- Shindou-san will most likely want to see him after he wakes up."
"That's considerate of you," Hiro remarked as the doctor began walking away. She stopped and turned around, giving a sad smile.
"I've seen what happens when lovers are separated in a time of crisis," she said quietly. "I just want to keep my staff from getting killed."
"So you're just being selfish."
The doctor laughed. "Only a little."
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Strange visions flitted in and out of his dreams. Shuichi wanted to speak, but his throat was too sore.
"Would you wake up already?"
The voice was faint, but definitely real. Shuichi continued to dream, but his mind was caught in nexus. After a moment, he opened his eyes and managed to focus in on who was talking to him. He had blonde hair and an unusually kind smile.
"Yuki…"
The figure continued to smile. After his vision cleared, Shuichi saw that it was indeed Eiri Yuki. He sighed, smiling. He reached out and tried to touch the one he loved, but Yuki was too far away. He let his arm fall and settled for staring at the novelist for a while, his heart fluttering.
"Yuki…Is that really you?"
"Who else would it be?"
"Yuki…" he said in a dreamy sort of way.
"How you feeling?"
"A little better," Shuichi answered truthfully, "but not too much. I...wish you could hold me, Yuki."
"Well that's too bad," Yuki remarked sharply, "seeing as how I can't get up. I'll rip my stitches."
"Hmm."
"We'll be out of this hellhole next week,"
"I'll be entering my third month," Shuichi said quietly, unconsciously placing his hand on his stomach.
"You know I'll be there."
"You will?"
"If I wanted to leave you I would have gone back to New York," Yuki said calmly, staring deep into Shuichi's eyes, which were starting to fill with happy tears.
"So you remember then?" he said quietly. "You really remember me? Who I am? What's happened?"
Yuki stared at him. "Of course I do -- oh. Well...it turned out I just had a little head trauma. That's why I was all...you know."
Shuichi smiled, nodding.
"I…miss being with you…Yuki."
"I was with you till you ran away and caused all this shit."
"I'm…sorry," Shuichi whispered. "I'll always be...sorry..."
"No, it's really Tohma's fault -- he had to open his mouth and screw things up -- but we'll set it right, you'll see."
Nothing was said.
"Shuichi?"
Yuki saw that his boyfriend had fallen asleep again. He shook his head, chuckling to himself. He closed his eyes and allowed himself to rest easy, the steady sounds of Shuichi's breathing lulling him to sleep.
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(This is House M.D.: Gravitation style.)
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Peritonitis is defined as inflammation of the peritoneum (the serous membrane which lines part of the abdominal cavity and some of the viscera it contains). It may be localised or generalised, generally has an acute course, and may depend on either infection (often due to rupture of a hollow organ as may occur in abdominal trauma) or on a non-infectious process. Peritonitis generally represents a surgical emergency.
(...just
so ya know.)
