Tonight I'll dream while I'm in bed
When silly thoughts go through my head
About the bugs and alphabet
And when I wake tomorrow I'll bet
That you and I will walk together again
I can tell that we're going to be friends
-We're Going to be Friend by The White Stripes
Chapter Seven
I lay on the couch while Jasper was lounging in the overstuffed chair. He had his legs kicked over the side with his head leaning against the back. The chair looked smaller than usual with Jasper's long frame taking up so much space on it. We were currently watching the news, the only thing we could agree on. I tried to turn on some cooking show, but Jasper got bored so he turned on drag racing. I refused to watch that so he changed the channel to the benign local news.
I had woken up that morning with Esme replaced by Jasper in the rocking chair. He told me that he had spoken to Jacob and he might be stopping by today. It was hard to contain my excitement. I felt horrible for the way I had been the last time he had been here, and I wanted to show him that I was going to be okay and that he didn't have to worry about me. I knew Jacob would make me feel better. It was also great that Jasper was so nice about having a wolf over. He even told me that Jacob seemed like a nice guy. Jasper said if I wanted he would leave when Jacob came, but I wanted him to be there. I didn't know if it could possibly work, but I wanted my two worlds to be connected. I would be walking a very fine line, but maybe I could do it.
I knew that Jacob was close before I even heard any noise. Jasper stiffened slightly before jumping out of the chair and heading towards the door. He stood patiently, with perfect posture right by the door. He looked so formal it was almost amusing. I followed him to the door, guessing that Jacob was about to drive up. Sure enough after a few seconds I heard the familiar crunch of gravel. Charlie was still at work, so it had to be Jacob. Nobody else would be visiting me. I peeked out the window and there was Jacob's rusted car. He loped up to the door, his face relaxed. He looked like my Jacob.
I couldn't wait for him to knock. I simply opened the door and ran into him, hugging him fiercely. I barely came up to his chest. He had to lean down a little to hug me fully. I took a deep breath, and smelt the familiar woodsy smell that was a part of Jacob. I felt at home all of a sudden.
"I've missed you Jake," I whispered softly into his chest.
"I've missed you too, Bells." His voice was husky and full of emotion. "I'm sorry I haven't been here more."
I leaned back and smiled at him. "Don't worry about it. I wouldn't have wanted to be around me the last two weeks."
"How are you doing? You look better."
"I am better," I asserted. "I'm far from okay. I feel like shit most of the time, but I can continue life, which is definitely something. This one has been helping me a lot over the last couple of days." I pointed towards Jasper who was standing back with his hands in his jean pockets.
"Nice to see you again Jacob," Jasper spoke politely
"You too, Jasper," Jacob returned in the same tone.
I looked back and forth between them. Well, they weren't exactly becoming best friends, but at least they were not currently growling at each other. That had to be a good sign.
"Do you want to come in and sit down with us Jacob?" I motioned towards the front room.
They both agreed to this, following me into the front room. I took a seat back on the couch and Jacob joined me. Jasper reclaimed his perch in the chair, trying to look relaxed as he leaned back into the cushions. There was a heavy silence at first. I had no idea what to say with these three. Jacob was smart enough to know I didn't really feel like talking about Edward. He had a lot of practice at that. But with Jasper here, it seemed a little awkward.
Jasper probably sensed this and took the initiative to start a conversation. "So, did you build that car out there from scratch?"
Jacob's face lit up at the mention of anything mechanical. "Well, not exactly from scratch but pretty much. She had to have a major overhaul. It took a lot of work to put her together. It was pretty much a two year project. Every spare dime I had was put into her."
"Wow. What kind of engine does she have?" Jasper showed genuine interest which surprised me. I mean all of the Cullen's cars had been so new, sleek, and shiny. Jacob's was none of those. However, I remembered that Jasper had shown interest in my own truck and thought maybe he was different.
I tuned them out as they delved deeper into their conversation of mechanics. I took the remote off the coffee table in front of me and started to flip through the channels blindly. I ended up landing on Cartoon Network which had some old Scooby Doo episode playing. I settled in to the couch, leaning against Jacob who easily put his arm around me as he continued his talk with Jasper. Every now and again we would all laugh at something on the cartoon. It was really humorous when Jasper told us that he knew was behind everything. Jacob and I looked at him funny.
"What? I watched the cartoon when it originally aired. It was back when I didn't have much control so I was stuck in the house at all times. There are only so many books you can read before you get bored with that." Jasper defended himself.
"And you remember after that many years?" Jacob asked, confused.
"Vampire's memories do not fade. It stays crystal clear. I remember exactly what house we were living in and where I was sitting when I watched it."
"Fine. Who is the bad guy?" Jacob obviously did not believe Jasper.
"The carnival owner, of course. He wanted the extra tourism. And if it weren't for those pesky kids and that dog too, he would have succeeded." The last part was in a crazy high pitch voice, mimicking the old owner.
Jacob and I laughed, turning back to the screen to see that the monster was being unmasked. Sure enough, it was the carnival owner. Jacob looked slightly impressed, only slightly. "Well, teaches me to question a vampire."
"Damn right," Jasper replied easily.
"So what is your story anyways? How old are you?"
Jasper's smile was wiped off his face and he fidgeted a little in his seat. "Well, I'm close to 150 years old. I was turned in the civil war period. But, I don't really like to tell my story. It's kind of dark and gruesome."
"You were a dangerous vampire?" Jacob smirked.
"Yes," Jasper replied seriously. "I, well, I did a lot of things I am ashamed of. I changed a while back ago and committed to this lifestyle when I met the Cullens, although you can say it has been more of a challenge for me than some of my other family members. This life does not come as naturally to me."
Jacob studied Jasper with seriousness. "Do I need to be worried about you?"
Jasper paused before answering, as if contemplating his answer. "I don't think so. My control has greatly increased in the last couple of months. Well, ever since that incident at Bella's birthday, I have worked even harder at gaining control over my thirst."
"Well, okay then, but if I see any signs of you slipping, especially around Bella, be prepared. I will kick your ass so fast you won't know what hit you."
That made Jasper smile again, although it was a thin one. "Fair enough."
I didn't want them to continue their serious conversation so I tried to shift it back to safer topics. "So, Jasper, do you approve of Jacob's car?"
Jasper turned to me, gave me a quick appraisal before answering my question. "Actually, yes. It's very impressive what you have done with that vehicle at such a young age. Although I have a small qualm about you repairing motorcycles for human use."
"What are you talking about?"
"Well, I don't necessarily believe that Bella should be riding a motorcycle without supervision of some sort. She seems to have a tendency to get into accidents." Jasper pointed to my cast.
I felt indignant at that. "I know how to handle a motorcycle. I just happened to not be in the best state of mind that day."
"No, he's right. You weren't supposed to go on the motorcycle without someone around to drive you to the hospital," Jacob defended Jasper.
"Oh great. So now I have two people to gang up on me to tell me what is best for me."
Jacob and Jasper looked at each other, as if trying to decide what to do with the petulant child. I didn't like the feeling. I crossed my arms across my chest. "Let me guess. You guys have decided that I can't do anything without a werewolf or vampire present anyways."
"Well, that's just until Victoria is found," Jacob responded, matter of factly.
I made a sound of derision, but decided to not continue this conversation. I knew they were trying to keep me safe, but I still didn't like being looked after so closely. Jasper was staring at me intently, as if he was studying something. He was probably considering my emotions and trying to connect them to what was going on. He didn't say anything though.
Bella lay before me in peaceful sleep. She was curled underneath her blankets with her good hand poking out holding my own tightly. I kept sending her constant feelings of calm in order to keep the nightmares at bay. Sometimes I would feel something push against my power, waves of grief and fear would roll through Bella. I would have to exert more energy to keep the emotions back. I wouldn't bother except I worried that she wouldn't get any sleep.
I couldn't believe that my life had brought me to this point. My Alice was gone and I was spending all of my time with Bella. I had been with Alice for so many years that it was hard sometimes to remember that I had spent almost a hundred years without her. But those years were not happy. There was so much pain and suffering from both me and those around me. I was afraid that I would revert back to that point in my life without Alice here. I had always thought that Alice was my sole reason to keeping to the Cullen lifestyle. She had brought me here and spent the most time with me. She was who I felt the most amount of loyalty to. That was very apparent by my plan to fight Edward to kill Bella when she had first found out, just so I could keep my Alice safe. Now though, with her gone, I wondered if I could find a new reason to be a vegetarian.
Well, there was the obvious; I didn't want to kill more humans. I was so tired of being the cause of so much pain. Maybe I could somehow get past that if I didn't have to feel every emotion and feeling in their last few seconds of life. It was so intense. That should have been enough of a reason to stop killing humans. Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't.
But, this human in front of me was able to make me ignore the large quantities of blood that had hemorrhaged and soaked my own clothes. Her scent filled the room, yet the burn in the back of my throat was easily ignored. How come I couldn't have this self-control 6 months ago, on that fateful night? Everything would have been prevented. I wouldn't have been looked upon as the weak link in this family. What was so different about my control in the last two weeks? That's what I didn't understand.
I paused in my ruminations as I heard the sound of running feet coming closer to the house. It was a vampire. I got up in a split second, ready to defend Bella. But as the person came closer, I was able to sample their emotions and I recognized the happy go lucky emotions of Emmett. His emotions were very distinct. He stopped below the window whispering as softly as he could, "Jasper?"
I didn't need to lean out to the window for him to hear my quick words, "come on up. Quietly. She's sleeping."
Emmett jumped through the window, barely making a sound as he landed. I gave Emmett a small smile as I sat back down on the chair. Bella was tossing around on the bed and whimpering under her breath.
Emmett rushed to her side. "What's wrong with her?"
I took her hand back in mine and restarted my work on keeping her calm. She slowly settled back down into the bed. "She has very vivid dreams that can make her very restless. She has difficulty sleeping because of the dreams. I have to keep her calm in order for her to get any real sleep."
"Shit, poor thing," Emmett murmured as he quickly swiped Bella's hair out of her face. Emmett stepped back and took a seat on the floor next to the bed. He was studying Bella. "How is she really doing?"
"I can't say for sure. I think she is doing better. She has a lot of grief and guilt to work out, but she's not shutting down, which is quite an accomplishment."
"That's good. It's amazing to see you so close to her. It's good and I don't mean to question that, but I have to wonder what are you doing?"
He asked the same exact question that I have been asking myself the last couple of days. "I don't know exactly. I mean part of me wants to help her out during this time, but I know all of you want that as well. But, somehow she is no longer just the human that Edward fell in love with. She is Bella, a person I am connected to in grief and I guess, I just want to fix her."
Emmett was giving me his full attention now. All I could feel from him at the moment was concern. "But, who is going to fix you?"
I was shocked by this question. "I don't need fixing?"
"I'm sorry man, but like hell you do. You lost your soul mate, your other half. You're not supposed to be okay after that. I wouldn't be fine if I lost Rose so don't tell me you are not broken."
"I didn't say that. I just…" I drifted off not sure what I really meant. "Maybe taking care of her is going to fix me. It's giving me something to do."
"So, Bella is your new hobby? That's got to be healthy."
"We're vampires. Our memories don't fade like humans. I can remember how Alice's hair smelled after a shower. I remember every kiss we ever shared. I remember the day I met her like it was yesterday. There's nothing I can do with those memories. They won't go away and if I don't give part of my brain something to focus on I will go mad."
"I understand," Emmett said sympathetically. "But, there's a point where you can't keep hiding from the past. It's not going to go away. You have to acknowledge it somehow."
"How are you dealing with it?"
"Well, I'm creating a new clearing out in the woods, taking down a lot of trees." Emmett smiled ruefully. "And, also there is all that heated emotional sex Rosalie and I have. It can be very therapeutic."
"Fucking Hell, is there a problem in this world that you guys can't solve by having sex?"
"We haven't found one."
I let out an exasperated sigh and Bella moved a little in her sleep. She mumbled something about someone leaving before she took a firmer hold on my hand. I used her grasp to put her into deeper sleep.
"There is something intriguing about her," Emmett mused.
"What do you mean?" I feigned innocence, although I had been thinking the same thing myself.
"She is different than most humans I have ever met. She has never recoiled at our touch, or for that matter anything we do. She makes excuses for us and forgives us. I think she was meant to become one of us from the beginning."
"Alice did see it," I conceded.
"There is that, and I wouldn't bet against Alice. However, it's something else. I mean we have all adapted to being a vampires and it has become a part of us. But I've seen two people who I think were just destined to be a vampire and nothing else. It was what they were meant to be."
"Who are they?"
"Carlisle had to be vampire. He has done so much good by being changed. I'm not just talking about all the lives he has saved as a doctor. But, think about all of the vampires that he has affected for the better. He has taught us this lifestyle and helped to create a family. He has shown others that humans are not merely meals, but deserve our care and compassion. There is no one else like him and I can't imagine that being wasted on a human existence."
"I agree there. What about the other?"
Emmett hesitated for a second before continuing. "Alice. There was no other life for her but this one. There was more energy, charisma, and spunk in that petite woman than in anyone else I have ever known. She was the epitome of goodness and I would have hated to see any of those qualities wasted on some human who was stuck in a damn mental institution. Her human body couldn't handle everything that she had to offer. She was destined to be vampire. She was destined to bring you to us."
If I could have cried, tears would have been pouring down my face. I could feel the honest emotions he felt as he said every word and he was right. Alice and Carlisle would have been wasted if they had been left to the humans. We all could have still had normal lives. Although we are used to being vampires, there was another life that we could have had. But where does that put Bella?
"And you think Bella is like that? No other destiny but to be a vampire?"
"Look at what leaving her has done." He turned his attention to Bella, raising his hand to pull the covers up closer to her face. He gave her cheek a tender stroke with his hand before putting it back in his lap. He continued to talk. "And I don't think it was just Edward. I think our whole family leaving really impacted her. She was close to all of us. How many humans have you seen that happen to? While most humans marvel at our beauty, they are smart enough to keep a safe distance between us. Not her. She runs towards us with open arms. There is something about her that draws us to her. Then there is the fact that she is mature beyond her years. She fits right in with the family. I never have felt that I was hanging out with a teenage, human girl. I felt like I was hanging out with my sister."
I thought about what he said and slowly digested it. He kind of made sense. I didn't think Emmett had ever talked so much about something so serious or important before. "So you think Bella will choose to be a vampire?"
"Without a doubt in my mind." He smiled at her sleeping form. "It will probably take her some time to get far enough past her grief over Edward and Alice and her feeling of betrayal over us leaving before she figures it out. She will get there though and I think it will be sooner rather than later."
That had be me confused. "Why do you say that?"
"Bella does not strike me as the person to take a long time grieving. She will try to move on quickly and not mope."
"What are you talking about?" I raised my voice slightly. "Did you not hear how after nearly six months she was not over her break up with Edward? That makes no sense?"
"Well, the break up was different. She thought she was unloved and that she had been abandoned. She knew he was still out there but didn't want her. But his and Alice's death, well it will deeply affect her for years to come, but she is going to try to move on. She's strong and we will be there to help her get through this. She will have people to talk to and lean on. Before she didn't have much of a support system."
"How the hell have you come up with all these theories? I have never heard you be so serious in all of the time I have known you."
Emmett looked down at his knees. "All joking aside, I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about Edward and Alice and life in general. I have never had to experience death or grief before so this is all so new to me. Losing Edward and Alice has been hard for all of us and I keep wondering how our family is going to continue on without them. Somehow my thoughts always keep coming back to Bella. I can't help but think that she is the future of this family. She is going to be what saves us."
Could this human hold the fate of our family in her delicate, tiny hands? For some reason the idea did not seem as ludicrous as it should. Maybe Emmett was wiser than we had ever given him credit for.
There was the sound of running paws near the house which brought us both back to reality. Emmett stood up and wiped his pants off of imaginary dirt. "I probably should get back to patrol."
"How is that going?"
"Boring. This wolf is no fun. The one that was on duty earlier was awesome. He was smaller than the rest but had way more spunk. We had races around the perimeter and man is that dog fast. I mean I beat him, but still I had to work for it. I had fun."
"What's his name?"
"I have no idea. I was guessing random names, but he kept shaking his head. Sometimes he would do this weird barking laughter thing at some of the names. I think the next time I'm on duty with him I will go through the alphabet letter by letter and see if I can't get the name that way."
"You know you could just call up Jacob and ask him who it was."
Emmett looked offended at the idea. "But, that's no fun. This is way cooler. If you find out who it is, don't you dare tell me. I want to have my fun guessing game."
I raised my free hand in the air in mock surrender. "I wouldn't dare."
"Good, now back to patrol with the dog with a stick up its ass. I kept goading it but it wouldn't cave. Maybe if I just start running with it I can get it to race me." At that Emmett turned and ran to the window, exiting the way he had come in.
I called out softly, "good luck," before turning my attention back to Bella. I had so many thoughts in my head that I didn't know what to sort out first. First, there was more to Emmett than met the eye. I also thought the grief was hitting him harder than he was letting on. I think he was trying to control his emotions around me to shield me. I would have to remember to have a talk with Carlisle. Maybe he could help Emmett.
Then there was Bella to think about. Would she benefit from being a vampire? Emmett seemed to think it was a part of her destiny. I didn't know about that. She did seem different than most humans and I couldn't deny she was drawn to us. But did that mean that she had to become one of us? Were there people who were meant to be vampires? It's hard to imagine Carlisle or Alice being human. They were so well suited for this life. And for that matter Emmett was too. Maybe Bella was like that as well.
I heard a faint growl in the woods and I strained my ears to hear more. I was worried that there was trouble. Then I heard Emmett's voice very clearly. "Fine, I won't do it again. There's no need to be so touchy."
God, Emmett would need to stop antagonizing the wolves. Not all of them liked us. Although it looked like I might have won over Jacob, well for that matter he won over me. He was a really good guy and I couldn't help but understand how Bella would feel drawn to him when she had been hurting so badly. There was a natural warmth that came from Jacob and his emotions were like a breath of fresh air. There had been concern and love for Bella, but overall there was this innate happiness that pooled underneath the surface. It reminded me of Alice. Jacob was truly a kind person and once I got past the whole wolf thing he was a pretty cool kid. Not to mention it was impressive that he built that car from scratch practically. For a sixteen year old that's pretty good. It would be great if he came by the house sometime. I think he could appreciate the Cullen car collection.
Bella turned in her sleep, but she kept a tight grip on my hand, willing me to not to let go. I noticed the room was slowly getting lighter and soon it would be morning. In a few minutes I would probably let my powers hold on her fade and let her come out of her sleep naturally. I thought back to what Emmett had said about me being broken. Bella was important to the family, but how important was she to me? Would she be able to do for me, what I hoped to do for her, repair a broken heart?
A/N: Had a small homework reprieve and this chapter needed next to no editing. This chapter is a little briefer, but I really liked writing it. I love the idea of Jacob and the Cullens getting along and I also just love writing Emmett. I will say that Jacob pops up a couple more times and plays into this story some. I will stress though that there will be no love triangle between Jasper, Jacob, and Bella. I love Jacob, but I just didn't want to go that route with this story. I hope you enjoyed this chapter.
Thanks for all those that are keeping up with the story and please let me know what you think.
