I'm back with Chapter 7, and I seem to be getting into a bit of a pattern by updating every Wednesday. I like to think I'll stick to that, but you never know. We'll see how it goes, shall we?

I had over 200 people read the last chapter, and the number of reviews wasn't too good. I'm amazed by how many read my stories, but it'd be so nice for some feedback off you all, if that's not too much to ask. I think it's one of the main ways to improve, right?

Anyways, thanks for those you have reviewed, and thank you for reading too.

It's quite a long chapter (longest one yet) so I hope you enjoy it :)


I'm not giving up on you, were the six words that Jacob Black had said to me, promised me, and he didn't.

The day after his visit, I received four phone calls; one in the morning, one just after dinner and two in the afternoon when the sun was beginning to set. Each time, Claudia came in with a sorry smile plastered across her face, her wide eyes sympathetically staring at me as she told me I had a caller.

And each time, I refused to speak to him; why should I? How could Jacob Black storm in here and treat me the way he had? Was I no more to him than a project that needed mending?

Charlie called too, apologising for Jacob's harassment of me but saying he couldn't really keep it from Billy. He also reminded me that if it wasn't for Jacob and his friends, I wouldn't have been found in the forest when I had been. I was grateful, I really was, but my anger for Jacob didn't disintegrate – it was Sam that had found me, after all, not Jacob.

When the time came for my session with Dr. Geller, I sat there whilst she talked to me, nodding occasionally and muttering my answers as to how I was feeling and how my medication was working. I thought she was going to skip the topic of Jacob Black completely until the last couple of minutes where she questioned my motives for ignoring his calls and not wanting to speak to him.

Shrugging off the majority of the questions, I simply told her he'd said hurtful things, not specifying towards whom, and reinforced that he shouldn't be allowed here; Jacob Black was no longer a family friend. She seemed to buy it, or at least she didn't press the matter further, and I was thankful as I left the therapy room.

That night, I was haunted by another nightmare, only this time the content had changed. I was in the forest, as always, and I was running. But not only was I running towards him, I was running from Jacob. But he caught up... he caught up and prevented me from finding the monster he accused Edward of being.

And so I woke myself because of my loud cries, my protests of being held back. Heather was there, with a damp cloth, to wipe my sweaty brow and to calm me before I could sleep again. The cool water dripped down my throat, dampening the dry, croaky tunnel.

On the second day after Jacob's visit, I received a further two calls before lunch. I ignored them as I had the last. But as I was attempting to eat my cheese sandwich, I heard the outburst outside on the unit.

Before I even managed to open the door, I knew what was happening.

As the door swung open, I saw Jacob Black being cordoned off by Claudia, Dr. Geller and another member of staff.

"Just let me see her!" Jacob stressed, frustrated, shrugging off their touches as he tried to push his way forwards. I breathed deeply at Jacob's large stature attempting his way across the ward, and his head shot in my direction as if he'd heard my heavy sigh.

"Bella!"

With one push, Dr. Geller was thrown off him, not too harsh but it wasn't done gently either, as she stumbled backwards and found her balance when she gripped the wall unsteadily.

Jacob strode over to me stubbornly, each step sending alarm bells into my head, and I turned around quickly to close the door, hopefully shutting him out for good. I didn't want to see him. But his foot got in the way and the door wouldn't close, despite my forceful shoves.

"Listen to me," Jacob begged but I shook my head. "I want to help."

I felt pathetic and weak as I tried to close the door, but failed miserably because of my lack of strength and Jacob's muscular physique. The door crept open even more and Jacob took a step into my room after the unsuccessful attempts of Dr. Geller to retain him.

"Go away." I tried to conjure as much venom in my voice as I could.

Jacob looked at me with a slight frown, and eyed me up and down again. His gaze softened, not as hard and determined as before. But there was still persistence in the solidarity of his jaw and the focused direction of his brown eyes.

"I meant it, Bella. I won't give up."

Just as Jacob was about to turn away, he stopped himself and leant over to me. I stood rigid as he placed a wet, chaste kiss on my forehead and his hand found mine, placing something inside.

And then he disappeared quickly, much to the confusion of the unit staff who were still flustered.

"Bella, are you okay?" Dr. Geller exclaimed, rushing over to me just as I was about to close my door. I nodded quickly and gulped.

I was okay - a little angry, maybe, and annoyed by Jacob's persistent, but I wasn't scared by Jacob's arrival. Violated was probably the right word, because I had no control when Jacob was around. He'd pushed his way in, and it wasn't me that made him finally leave. Still, I didn't feel threatened.

"I'm fine." I sighed.

"I'm sorry, Bella." For once, I saw her defeated.

"Don't." I shook my head. "Don't apologise."

Sitting down on my bed, Dr. Geller stared me down for a long time. Every second of her powerful gaze left me with a sense of shame, although I didn't know what I'd done. Her red hair was a little loose and messy, several strands hanging down from her pre-neat bun.

"I thought we were getting somewhere, Bella. I thought the medication was working, that you were sleeping better. But Heather told me you had a rough night again last night, huh?"

I didn't respond to her; she knew because this place had eyes everywhere. Everywhere. It drove me crazy to know that nothing went unseen. What with Heather watching me in the night, or Claudia monitoring how much I ate and when I showered, and Dr. Geller trying to talk through every emotion that may or may not have passed through my body that day...

"You're still not eating much, but I thought the drip was picking up your energy. I think that's working well, don't you?"

Again, I remained unresponsive until her gaze burned my face, and I nodded my head slightly. My breathing had calmed.

"Bella, I really thought Jacob would be good for you; he seems like a lovely boy, perfect for you to lean on if you needed to. He definitely seems dedicated in helping you," she pointed out, and I scowled at her.

"I don't want him here."

My voice cut through the atmosphere, obviously so sharp and determined that Dr. Geller finally accepted that and nodded.

"I'm sorry we couldn't keep him out. He's a strong one." A smile grazed her lips and I agreed with a nod of my head; Jacob was huge. "Does he scare you, Bella?"

Looking up at Dr. Geller's face, I saw a hint of regret pass across her features. This woman had tried hard to fix me, and I could tell that today had frightened her a little; she wanted to protect me. She didn't want Jacob's presence to have set me any further back.

"No," I said firmly. "I just don't want him here. He's rude and arrogant."

"I understand," Dr. Geller sighed. "I'll see you later, Bella. Don't forget; our meeting's at three."

With one last smile, she walked out of the room. But just before the door slammed shut, I saw her shoulders shrink, and she sighed heavily.

Jacob's forced entry had shocked me a little bit, but his exit had shocked me more. The kiss; his lips on my forehead.

It was in that moment when I realised that someone else had been the last person to kiss my forehead, and I cried. As I forced myself to remember the time that he said goodbye, I forced myself to think his name: Edward.

Edward's lips were no longer the last ones to brush against my skin; when he'd said goodbye, no matter how destroyed I had been, it was that final kiss that I had remembered. It was soft, sweet. But it had been replaced.

A single tear fell down my cheek.

One single tear, followed by another.

And another.

I walked over to the bed where my cheese sandwich was still resting, one corner missing where I'd forced myself to eat at least one bite. I looked at it and all of a sudden, I felt my insides squirm.

Only it wasn't just the thought of food that made me feel queasy; I was actually going to throw up.

Throwing myself off the bed, I stumbled hurriedly into the bathroom across the unit, pushing past anyone who got into my way, and began hurling into the toilet that I'd managed to get to just in time. Hardly anything came up as I heaved, and I briefly noticed a cool hand rest on the top of my back as I cried even more into the toilet.

"Would you like a drink?" I heard someone say.

As I shook my head, I batted the hand away so I could stand up. I wiped my mouth with some tissue paper and walked over to the sink to splash some water on my face.

"Are y-"

"I'm fine."

Turning around, I saw Dr. Geller standing there which surprised me. I'd expected Claudia or Heather, or another member of staff who was paid to deal with all the ickiness of working in a hospital, but Dr. Geller was there. She always seemed to be there.

But I didn't stay to talk. I threw a quick, forced smile in her direction before hurrying back to my room. I placed the plate with my cheese sandwich on the table beside my bed and I pulled the covers up and over me as I slid underneath. But as I turned to roll over, I leant on something that dug into my side.

My hands spread out, looking for it, and as soon as I felt the cool object in my hands, I recognised it immediately. The shape of it was exact to the one Jacob had slipped me earlier.

I lifted my hands so I could see the object, and I gasped.

It was beautiful, the simple but elegant bracelet with a carving of a wolf dangling happily from it. It was so… beautiful, but then I remembered how I'd come across it, how it'd been forced upon my presence.

Jumping out of bed, I clenched the bracelet tightly in my hands, hovering it over the trash can. I was so ready to drop it in and say goodbye to Jacob Black's stupid gift. But as my eyes scanned the intricate piece again, I couldn't find the heart to throw it away.

Nor could I find the heart to actually wear it.

So I placed it on the table next to the letter that Jacob had sent me. I lay in my bed and watched it, almost expecting the little wolf pendant to begin a funny dance or something. But it didn't. It remained still, and silent. And as my eyes lost focus on the beautiful wolf, I fell asleep.

I dreamt; I dreamt, not about Edward, but about Jacob. And when I woke, I felt the hot sting on my cheeks where I'd cried, silently, in my sleep. Not only was Jacob taking over my life - with his constant, continuous calls - but he now invaded sleep too.

The clock on the wall read two twenty-seven, so I hadn't missed Dr. Geller's appointment. I did, however, have the greatest urge to cancel. I didn't think I could deal with the prying questions or the mindless chitchat that Dr. Geller always seemed to find a hidden meaning to.

But even though the weight of the past few days was pressing against me, I got out of bed, ran my fingers through my hair and walked the several steps (half an hour early) to Therapy Room One. It was empty so I walked over to my beanbag and sat down. It was quite nice to sit in a different room without company. It was comforting and enjoyable to have a change of scenery! I couldn't believe how much I hadn't done in the past month or so since moving here.

For several moments, I sat in silence, looking around the room that screamed silence. But after a while, the quiet got taunting so I stood and began walking 'round the room. Like the visitors' room, there was a poster about talking to someone, going to someone for help. I rolled my eyes.

And in the corner there was a set of drawers where Dr. Geller had gotten my paper and pencils when I had been asked to draw myself. On instinct, I got out a piece of paper and a pen and I retrieved a book from the many book shelves so I had something I could lean on.

Returning to the beanbag, I began to write. I wrote how I felt, and what I thought. I wrote quickly until my hand began to cramp. When I finished, I realised that I'd written a whole page in my messy scrawl.

But at the top of the page, I'd addressed it to Edward. And it was the way I'd done it, without realising, that made my heart stop beating.

Subconsciously, I'd written a letter to Edward. My eyes scanned through what I'd written.

Edward,

I feel like I'm sinking. Deeper and deeper, and with every moment that passes, I feel like I'm forgetting more about what made me who I am. It scares me. It scares me to think that I might eventually be just a ghost of who I was, even though Charlie says I'm pretty much dead anyway. It scares me that I might not be able to stop drowning.

But, at the bottom of the pool, I feel like you're waiting for me. If I keep remembering, however painful, you'll always be there, even if you're just a memory.

I didn't mean for Jacob to kiss my forehead. It burns, where his lips touched my skin, and it feels so awful. I feel violated, and it was just a kiss.

It's awful, because I don't know if I want to be saved. There are people, really nice people, trying to help me. But I can't accept it. They're strangers, and they're useless, however kind they are. Charlie doesn't know what to do. Renée doesn't know what to do. Even I don't know what to do. And who else is there?

I hate that you left me, Edward. I hate that I can't even piece myself back together! I hate that you took the piece I need to function; you took my heart, but not before you changed me so completely. You have the instruction manual to this new Bella, and I can't figure out how to work it.

I'm empty, and I'm broken. I don't know how to talk. I don't know how to be fixed. And I'm scared. I'm more scared than I've ever been in my life.

"Bella?"

My head shot up from the tear-stained piece of paper to see Dr. Geller standing there with a concerned look on her face.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

Dr. Geller nodded her head, as if expecting that to be my answer and I noticed she'd taken her red hair down from this morning, and it was surprisingly wavy. It was nice to see her like this, a little more casual; it made her more addressable in some way, more normal.

"Nice to see you're keen for today's meeting." Dr. Geller smiled and took a seat opposite me. "What have you got there?"

"It's, uhm, nothing." I folded the piece of paper twice so it made a small square that my clenched fist could swallow. "It's private," I added, hoping that would deter her.

Thankfully, she accepted it and didn't pry further.

"I really want to talk to you about Jacob today, Bella. I think it's really important."

Sighing heavily, I nodded my head casually, something Dr. Geller noticed. I bit my lip, and squeezed the paper in my hand close together to protect it. I almost laughed at my ridiculous paranoia.

"Who is Jacob Black?"

The question stumped me; was she really asking me such a question? I narrowed my eyebrows as I thought about the answer.

I didn't know much at all... I didn't know his favourite food, or favourite colour. I didn't know why he was so obnoxious or why he was so rude and persistent. I didn't know why he wanted to help me when there hadn't been a reason for us to talk beforehand, and I certainly didn't know how he knew about Edward and his family. Sam Uley told him, but how did he know as well? So I settled with what I did know; the basics.

"My dad is friends with his dad, I guess. Apparently, I knew him when I was little, but I haven't seen him for a long time. He lives on La Push Rez." I stopped talking, wondering how much information she wanted.

"So you've known him a while then?"

"I guess."

"But you don't feel like Jacob is a friend? Someone who you can talk to?"

"No."

"Okay, Bella. Is there anyone else you can talk to? Your mom and dad are frequent callers, and I know a girl called Angela has rung several times to talk. Could you talk to them, seeing as you don't want to talk to Jacob?"

I shook my head; that's why I was here. Because I had nobody else who knew how to deal with it, how to deal with what I'd become.

"I have something I'd like to share with you, Bella, if you don't mind," Dr. Geller requested, and I nodded carefully; I didn't know what it was yet.

"When I was fifteen, I got my first boyfriend. It was sweet, at first – he was older than me, he was seventeen, and he could drive. He had the sweetest smile, and his eyes were a beautiful blue. His friends liked me, and so did his parents. He told me he loved me, and I believed him, because that's what you do when you're fifteen. I was in love. Or I thought I was." She paused for a moment, and then grimaced. "So I gave him what he wanted... But that wasn't enough. One night, when we were kissing, he took it further than I wanted it to go. I'd done it before, he told me - so what was the problem? I didn't know what to say, or how to argue, so I let it happen... But then he left me, and I fell into a depression. It was awful... and people didn't know how to cope, least of all me. Until one day, I found a friend I could talk to, I could trust. And that friend pulled me out of the hole I was in... and that friend is now my husband."

I blinked twice, hard, at Dr. Geller who sat there was her lips pursed into a small, sad line, and her eyes glistening with the memory of her past.

"What are you asking from me?"

"I'm not asking anything from you, Bella. I'm not saying that you should marry Jacob, or anything silly like that. I'm just saying that having a friend to turn to can make all the difference. I know how it feels. It was my own experience that gave me the ambition to help others, people like you."

As I stared at Dr. Geller, I saw past the 'Dr' that she was to me and saw the person that she actually was; she wasn't here to serve me, she was here to achieve her own ambition. Just like imagining a teacher outside of school, it was just as hard to imagine her with a husband, imagine her as a child… and being taken advantage of.

"How long did it take you?" I asked quietly. "You know, to… stop being like this?"

Dr. Geller sighed, another sorrowful smile gracing her lips, but there was light in her eyes – hope, almost. "A while; four or five months. I was never in a unit, but I had sessions with a therapist."

"Thanks," I whispered, almost inaudible, squeezing my fist around the piece of paper in my hand. "For sharing."

"You're welcome, Bella. I'm here to help, you should know that." There was a small pause. "Is there anything you wish to talk to me about, if there is no one else?"

"No, no." My words came out in a mumbled mess. "I'm fine," I added before indicating to the door. "Can I go please?"

"Of course. See you tomorrow, Bella."

With a wave of my hand, I moved out of the room as quickly as I could and rushed to my room. The paper in my hand was getting more and more crumbled in my grip, and I could feel the edges denting my skin.

My fear for a paper cut suddenly flashed through my mind and I dropped the paper in my lap, using my very finger tips to open it up.

Edward, it read.

Edward. His name had been missing from my life for too long now.

A deep sigh escaped my lungs, but no tears ran down my cheeks. Maybe I was getting better at controlling my tears; maybe I'd finally run out. But just as I was about to trace his name with my thumb, I heard a screech from outside.

"I need to see Bella Swan!"

The voice sent my heart into overdrive, my mind completely crazy, and I jumped off the bed in no time at all.


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