"Good to see you, Dad," said Tony, standing up to welcome his father.
"Junior! It's true! You're here!" Senior enfolded Tony in a hug and then, releasing him, grabbed hold of his hands.
"You look good, Dad."
"I found this great skin-peel place in Virginia, it's taken years off. I'll give you the address," Senior paused as he looked at his son's hands, "Looks as if you could do with some skin care, Junior … you know what I always told you about the importance of moisturising."
"I know, Dad. Things got away from me a bit."
"Good skin care pays dividends in later life. Remember that."
"Isn't this great?" squealed Abby clapping her hands together and jumping up and down in excitement, "I can't think how we forgot to let Mr D know … I'm so glad I remembered." She looked around the room and deflated slightly as she sensed that her excitement was not shared by everyone else.
"Where have you been, Anthony?" asked Senior. "I was worried."
"Montana. I saw the adverts."
"For Montana?"
"No, the adverts asking if anyone had seen me. Asking people to get in contact with Alistair James: still using him, I guess?"
"He's a good lawyer. Junior, I didn't want to think you were dead … but we had to be practical …"
"Not we," interrupted Gibbs, "It was your idea."
"Gibbs, I tried to explain – we … I … had to get Junior's finances sorted out. If you were a businessman, you'd understand how these things work."
"Odd thing," said Gibbs, "Reckon I'd be concentrating more on being a father than a businessman."
Senior flushed and said a little huffily, "I didn't want my son to be dead, but I was facing the facts, trying to move on. You understand, don't you, Junior?"
Tony gazed at his father, "Yes, I understand perfectly."
Tony then looked at Gibbs with an expression that showed exactly what he understood about his father. Meanwhile, Abby quivered once more with excitement and sighed, "This is so cool!"
"So, you're back now?" asked Senior.
"Sure. Got some things to work out. Need to find somewhere to live."
"What about your apartment?"
"Tim's living there. Can't just kick him out."
Gibbs paused in case Senior was going to offer his son some accommodation but then said, "You can rack here until you're sorted, DiNozzo."
"Thanks, Boss. I'll be out of your hair as soon as I can."
"You want your apartment back, Tony?" asked Gibbs.
"Don't know, Boss. Think I'd like somewhere with a yard now. I got used to open spaces."
"You were living somewhere with land?" asked Senior.
"I guess you could say that," said Tony, smiling as he remembered the land surrounding Fee's cabin.
"So, what happened, Junior?"
"I got lost in the snow … someone found me … then I got sick and then I couldn't remember anything for a while."
"For nearly three years?" asked Senior, "You couldn't remember anything for three years?"
"For a good while," said Tony evasively. "You know, I didn't mean for anyone to be worried. I didn't get lost on purpose."
"Well, you're back now," said Senior, "That's the main thing. If you need any help getting your accounts sorted out, let me know."
"I will, Dad. Thank you. And thank you for showing up now."
"I'm your father, Anthony," said Senior with a pointed look at Gibbs, "Of course I showed up."
"Well, thanks anyway."
"We'll have to catch up properly," said Senior looking at his watch.
"You're going?" asked Gibbs with a mixture of hope and disapproval.
"I wish I didn't have to, but I've got an important meeting … I phoned to postpone it, so I could come here but they won't wait for ever. You know, wheels to oil, hands to shake … it's what being an entrepreneur is about."
"It's OK, Dad," said Tony, conscious that Abby had stopped bouncing and Gibbs was frowning. "You go and do what you have to."
"Thanks, Junior. I knew you'd understand," he hugged Tony once more and said, "I really did miss you, you know."
"I know, Dad. I know," returning the hug and patting his father on the back.
Tony and Senior walked to the front door leaving Gibbs and Abby to catch snippets of conversations about skin care and Senior's newly discovered Dead Sea Mud hand cream which had brought about extraordinary benefits.
Tony returned to the living room and saw Abby's sadness and Gibbs' fury. He raised a hand placatingly,
"Not now, guys. Not now, I just want to hit the rack and sleep. Spare room, Boss?"
Gibbs nodded wordlessly. Tony kissed Abby on the cheek, "Thanks, Abs. See you later."
"But, T …" began Abby.
"Leave it, Abby," ordered Gibbs.
"But, Gibbs," said Abby when she was sure Tony had left the room, "Tony's been gone for so long … and Mr D was really worried about him … and he just left – for a business meeting …"
"Not all fathers are good fathers, Abby," said Gibbs, "We'll just have to be there for him."
Abby sniffed and walked over to Gibbs for a hug.
"It's not fair," she whispered.
"No, Abs, it's not," he agreed.
Tony threw himself on to the bed in the spare room and put an arm over his eyes as he came to terms once more with his father's lack of interest. Tony supposed that, if there had not been a pressing business opportunity, Senior might have stayed around a little longer but there was always a pressing business opportunity and Tony knew he should be used to it by now.
After a few minutes, he decided to give up on his pity party and sat up. He gazed at his hands which had drawn Senior's disapproval and laughed softly.
FLASHBACK
"You know," Tony said conversationally to Fee, "I used to have really smooth hands. The ladies often commented on them."
"Can't have soft hands out here," said Fee unsympathetically. "And if you were better at wood chopping, you wouldn't have so many nicks and splinters."
"I'm getting better," protested Tony.
"But it's a good thing you've got me to remove the splinters," said Fee, "For a grown man, you make a lot of fuss."
"Abby used banana peel to get rid of a splinter once, it came out gradually, really gently," reminisced Tony, "But then I got another one … and Gibbs cut it out with his really big knife."
"I'm guessing you favour the Abby approach?"
"You didn't see the size of the knife," joked Tony.
"J, is that why you're still here? You're hoping somehow to go back gradually? That's not going to work, you know."
"I know," sighed Tony. "And in some ways you know, I favour quick and dirty … and Gibbs' knife didn't hurt as much as I thought. I guess anticipation is sometimes worse than the reality."
"Then go back," urged Fee.
"I thought you liked having me here," said Tony a little pathetically.
"I do … but you going back doesn't mean you can't come back here, you know."
"I guess … no, I don't guess – I know. Hey, you want to take a walk down to the river? Weather's getting worse, might not be able to many more times this year."
"Sure," said Fee, "But go slowly. My knees are playing up."
As they approached the river on the edge of Fee's property, he returned to the question of Tony leaving,
"Why don't you want to go back? I still don't get it. Don't you like being a federal agent?"
"I love it," said Tony, "When I had to change career options when I bust my leg, I never really thought I'd find something else I was good at."
"And you're good at it?"
Tony thought for a moment or two, "Yes, I am. I sometimes forget that … and sometimes I let other people forget too … but yes, I'm good at it."
"Then why not go back?"
"I see what I did, and I can't make out if I should go back or not."
"Killing people?" said Fee sympathetically.
"What? Oh no, not that. I mean, I don't like shooting people but if I couldn't cope with that, I'd have quit years ago."
"Then what?"
"I wonder if my co-workers would want me back. I do like my teasing, you know … McGee would probably call it something else. And it's competitive – Gibbs has a rule: well, actually, he has lots of rules but one of them is 'always work as a team' but he sets it up that it's a competitive team. He gets results by making us compete to find him the answer he wants. And, if we do, most times we just get this brief look of approval: or at least, I think that's what we get, blink and you'll miss it. Or he might just have gas and that gives him that look."
"You argue a lot?"
"Not with Gibbs," laughed Tony, "Although I do if I have to. But there's a lot of banter with the others … or I thought it was banter, you know – friendly, but looking back I can't quite get it."
"It's tough seeing things from the outside," suggested Fee, "Look at me and Violet. Some people couldn't understand how we could live together 'cos we were different in lots of ways, but it worked, and I figure it worked because of the differences and not despite them. But you had to be on the inside to understand that. I reckon you might find the same with your team. You might know what was on the inside when you see them again, when you see how they react to you going back."
By this time, Fee and Tony had reached the river. Tony picked up a stone and skimmed it across the water. He handed another one to Fee who also threw it and made it bounce five times.
"Show off," said Tony amicably. He bent to pick another pair of stones and spotted something in the long grass: he picked that up instead. "You know," he said with a gesture towards the water, "When I got lost, I thought I'd just walked through a little stream, didn't realise how big it was."
"You're lucky it was frozen," said Fee, "Otherwise you might have drowned."
"I guess," said Tony. "Huh, it must have been here that I hit the water."
"How do you know?"
"This," said Tony, showing Fee what he had found, "My wallet … and creds … must have fallen out when I fell down. I wondered where it had gone. Guess my cell phone might be around here somewhere too."
Fee looked at Tony's NCIS photo, "You look serious here."
"I can be serious, you know. And the higherups don't really approve of face-pulling in official photos."
"I can imagine," said Fee, "And somehow, I get the feeling you might know about that from personal experience."
Tony grinned, "Personal and bitter experience. You think it's a sign?"
"What?"
"Finding this and …" Tony looked in the wallet again, "$450! Maybe someone up there is telling me it's time to go back."
Fee noted that Tony didn't say go home but he simply said, "You don't need anyone from up there telling you to go back. I've been telling you ever since you started remembering."
"All right," said Tony with sudden resolution, "I'll go back. After the weekend, OK?"
NCISNCIS
The next day, Tony hiked into the nearest settlement to get some supplies for Fee whose knees were hurting him even more that day. He met Craig and Julia in the general store and fell into conversation with them,
"Fee said you might be heading out soon," said Julia.
"That's right," said Tony, "It's been a good … break but it's time to get on with things, you know."
"You've been good for Fee," said Craig, "He was really down when Vi died. They lived for one another."
"Yeah, so he said," agreed Tony.
"We tried to persuade him to come into town for the winter," continued Craig, "It's not really safe for him to be out there alone. Well, you've seen how long you can be cut off for."
"Hmm," said Tony absentmindedly as he tried to remember what sort of lentils Fee had wanted.
"We almost didn't expect him to make it through last winter," said Julia.
"He seems fit enough," said Tony, "I mean, I know his joints play him up, but he takes it slow."
Julia and Craig exchanged significant looks. Craig hesitated but then said cheerfully, "Yes, I'm sure you're right. We're just worrywarts. He'll be fine."
Two days later, Tony hiked back again in readiness to start his journey back to DC. He had stocked Fee's storerooms as much as he could and chopped up what felt like half the forest, but he couldn't help but replay the conversation with Julia and Craig. Fee had been determinedly cheerful ever since Tony had announced that he was leaving but the brave face had faltered a little and Tony knew that his departure would leave a hole in Fee's life.
Fee had hugged Tony goodbye and told him to keep in touch before slapping him on the back and retreating to Brenda's cowshed.
As Tony waited by the bus stop, he saw Lester the veterinarian pull up nearby. There was still some time to go before the bus left so Tony went over for a final farewell,
"Just heading up to Fee's place," announced Lester.
"Yeah?"
"I found a place for Brenda."
"What?"
"Fee told me that he doesn't think he can manage to look after her through the winter. Asked me to look around for somewhere that wanted a good milk cow. Didn't think I'd find anywhere but I did … and they've promised not to sell her off for meat."
"Fee didn't tell me he was letting Brenda go," said Tony as he remembered that Fee had been heading towards the cowshed when he had left.
Lester shrugged, "Probably the right thing to do. An animal's a big responsibility."
Tony nodded and walked away. He saw a phone box on the other side of the road and had a sudden impulse to call Gibbs and tell him he was on his way. He dialled Gibbs' home number from memory and waited for an answer. As he waited however, the pieces fell into place: Julia and Craig's anxiety about Fee all alone with his sorrow and now his deciding to get rid of his beloved Brenda. Somehow, Tony didn't think Fee intended to survive this winter. Fee had saved Tony from the snow but, Tony now realised, he had probably also saved Fee that winter.
Tony slammed the phone down and hurried across to where Lester was just starting up his truck,
"Hey! Change of plan! Can you give me a ride down to Fee's? And I don't think he'll be needing you to take Brenda anywhere today."
Lester's beaming smile showed that he shared Tony's misgivings about what Fee might be about to do and approved of what Tony was going to do.
END FLASHBACK
"I was coming back," said Tony suddenly as he sat with Gibbs at the breakfast table the next morning.
"When?" Gibbs suspected that Tony was talking just to avoid any conversation about his father's arrival the previous night.
"Just about a year after I got lost in the snow. About a month after I started remembering."
"What happened?"
"I even called you … to let you know I was on my way."
"I didn't get a call."
"No, I hung up before you could answer. And I rang here so it's not likely you'd have been home anyway …"
"Why did you hang up?"
"I changed my mind about coming back."
"Well, I guessed that – why did you change your mind?"
"Partly because I still wasn't sure about whether or not it was a good idea but mostly …"
"Mostly?"
"I realised that Fee needed me. He'd saved me … and he needed me to save him."
"How so?"
"His wife had died the previous year and he felt that he didn't have much to live for. That winter I showed up, well, I'm not sure if he planned to kill himself but I don't think he'd have tried very hard to stay alive. Me showing up sort of put an end to that. And he cheered up while I was there. And with his name: he should be happy."
Gibbs didn't pursue the question of Fee's happy name but said, "So why did you stay?"
"Found out he was getting rid of Brenda. You know, Brenda the cow. He loved Brenda …"
"And you didn't?" broke in Gibbs.
"We didn't get off to a good start," admitted Tony, "But we bonded in the end. Anyway, I found out he was letting Brenda go and I figured it was to make it easier for him to kill himself if it all got too much. While he had her to look after, I think he'd have stuck it out. Maybe that's why he hadn't killed himself before I got there. Who knows?"
"So, you stayed for an old man you hardly knew?"
"I did know him, Gibbs. I knew he'd saved me, I knew he was a good man and I knew that he needed me. What would you have done?"
"Well, I might not have put the phone down before my Boss answered," said Gibbs crossly.
"Seemed simpler not to have the cavalry ride in to my rescue," said Tony, "And if I hurried, I had the chance of getting a ride back to Fee's place … and saving Brenda. Bit of a no brainer really."
"I guess," said Gibbs still a little doubtful and a little irked that they had nearly got Tony back months earlier.
"And Boss, you know my Dad."
"Yes?"
"I'd only known Fee for a few months, but he was already more of a father to me than my Dad had ever been. What else could I do?"
