Bella crouched in the forest, listening for her prey, breathing deeply. She let the hunt consume her, driving out everything else, at least for the time being. Carlisle was next to her, equally intent as they scouted together. She found that her clumsiness and shyness faded as she hunted, letting the predator within her take over.
"There," she breathed, catching scent of a herd of deer. "Northwest." She took off, knowing Carlisle would follow. The herd spooked and split up at hearing the predator come after them. Bella followed a pair of animals that stuck together as they bounded through the forest. Bella flew through the undergrowth in pursuit of her prey. She followed their terrified scent and the frantic beating of their hearts as they fled from her, though she ran tirelessly and easily caught up with them.
Bella brought down the bigger of the two deer first, leaping off a protruding rock onto its back, cleanly breaking the female's neck before sinking her teeth into the flesh and drinking her fill. The other deer had frozen in fear and Carlisle took advantage of the situation to make his first kill of the evening.
When they'd finished, they shifted the carcasses under a felled tree. Thirst sated for the moment, they sat quietly.
"What are you going to do, Bella?" Carlisle asked after a long moment.
She shook her head. "Watch, for now. Try to extricate myself from his life, I guess. Alice says he won't speak to anyone about what he thinks he saw, and I believe her vision to be correct."
Carlisle's bright golden eyes met hers, and Bella attempted to duck away from his prying vision. "Think it'll be that easy?"
"Probably not," Bella admitted. She sighed, letting her hair fall around her face. "I really screwed up this time, didn't I?" She looked up finally.
Carlisle tugged her close with one arm, engaging in a rare display of physical affection between them. "Nothing that can't be dealt with, Bells."
She leaned against him. "I put us all at risk."
"We're at risk every day, love, you know that," Carlisle said patiently. "Everyday that you go to school and interact with the human children we're at risk of one of you slipping. Every day that I go to work we're at risk of exposure. What you did may have been risky, but it was also a very good thing."
Bella shook her head again, looking as if she wanted to cry. "Do you know how many times today I wished that I'd let him die?" she confessed, barely audible. "How completely selfish am I to wish that that boy was dead so I didn't have to feel guilty for risking the secret of my family? So I wouldn't have to feel responsible for taking that safety and security away from them? And then I feel guilty for thinking it, for wishing that innocent child dead, for thinking Emmett would ever forgive me for not saving the life of a boy he's beginning to think of as a friend, for letting that bright spirit be put out simply to ease my own conscience and pain…" Bella trailed off, pulling her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around them, a gesture she vaguely remembered from her childhood as being comforting.
"Bella…" Carlisle breathed.
"I'm not a good person, Carlisle. I'm no better than James or the others of his coven for the way they treated me in how I've been to that boy and my family. I'm not good enough for him or anyone else for the things I've done."
"Listen to me, Isabella Marie," Carlisle said firmly, grabbing her attention with his use of her full name. "You are nothing like them. They feel no remorse for their actions and here you sit drowning in guilt for something you've only thought about. You are a good soul, Bella. I wish that someday you could believe it for yourself.
"You're not to blame for what you've had to do to survive," he continued softly. "It's in the past. Someday I hope you'll be able to forgive yourself."
"Does saving him today make up for wanting to kill him last week?" Bella asked quietly, her head resting against Carlisle's shoulder.
"I don't know, Bella," Carlisle answered honestly. "It depends on your motivations, I think."
"I couldn't let him die," she confessed. "I think I need him. It's strange," she said with a shake of her head. "Like I'm compelled to be near him."
Carlisle glanced up sharply. "He calls to you?"
Bella nodded. "I always seem to know where he is, how he's feeling. I don't even know him, Carlisle," she whispered. "But I feel like I'm supposed to be wherever he is."
"Ah, my Bella, how you always seem to find some kind of trouble to land in," he said quietly with a chuckle. "You know there's an easy solution to this? The simplest way for you to complete this bond with him?"
"I can't, Carlisle. I won't damn him to this life without knowing that he feels the same. And it's not like I can just walk up to him and broach the subject. 'So, Edward, I'm a vampire and you're supposed to be my soul mate, how do you feel about eternal life with me?' I'm sure he already thinks I'm crazy," Bella said, sitting up and letting her hair curtain her face again.
"Have you talked to Alice?" Carlisle asked gently.
Bella shook her head again. "Not about this. She keeps saying I'll be happy, but I don't know what that means. I don't know what decision has been made to give her that vision."
"Perhaps it wasn't a decision you've made," Carlisle mused. "At least not yet."
Bella hummed quietly in possible agreement. "So what do I do, Carlisle? Just – pretend nothing happened?"
"It's up to you, Bella," he said. "Alice has seen that he won't speak to anyone, and what I know of him through his parents, Edward Masen is a very responsible young man who sticks to his word. And we all know better than to bet against Alice at this point, yes?"
Bella managed a small smile at that.
"Only you can decide what you want to do from here. We'll support you," Carlisle promised.
Bella nodded again, falling quiet until a new scent wafted past her. "Mountain lion," she breathed with a smile.
"Go on," Carlisle said, giving her a nudge. "I'll see you back home." He took off in the opposite direction while Bella moved into a crouch to begin tracking her prey once more, pushing aside old stories of soul-mates and blood bonds and others of how their kind found mates. She had a mountain lion to track down.
**
The next morning at school, things appeared to have returned to more or less normal. The students were still buzzing about the accident, but fortunately they'd focused their attentions on Edward for the morning and Bella was left in relative peace. By lunch most of the talk had died down as Edward continued to uphold Bella's story that she'd pushed him down when the tree fell. The students seemed to see Bella's humility sincere enough to let the matter drop.
All except a few, Bella found, as she waited to purchase the lunch she wouldn't eat.
The same childish idiot that had approached her the previous day about 'saving' him had two of his hangers on with him in the lunch line.
"Oh, hey, Bella," Mike said with a smirk. Jessica and Lauren giggled on either side of him
"Mike," Bella answered flatly, wanting to just get back to the relative safety of her family's lunch table.
"So, I saw Masen this morning," he said casually. "He looks pretty good for having his ass saved by a girl."
"Does he?" Bella asked, looking over the available fruit like it was the most intriguing piece of artwork known to man, hoping Mike would get the point.
"You know," Mike shifted and the girls fell around him as he leaned against the cart Bella stood in front of. "I hope you weren't hoping to get anything out of that encounter," he said with a grin, his voice low and what he probably thought was seductive. "I'm not sure he plays for that team if you know what I'm saying."
"And even if he did," Lauren said in a bored tone as she studied her nails on one hand, clutching a diet soda in the other. "He wouldn't be interested in someone as plain as you, Isabella," the bottle blonde said her name in a strange sneering tone.
"Really," Jessica said in agreement. "Desperate much, throwing yourself at him like that?" She laughed, a harsh empty sound that matched the shrill sound of her voice. "It was a clear cry for attention."
Bella half wondered if the girls were serious or just acting on their jealousy that once again they weren't at the center of the school gossip ring. She dismissed them with a roll of her eyes. They were no better than children, but she bit her tongue to stop from defending Edward. "Is there something you wanted, Mike?" She didn't bother to hide the irritated tone in her voice. She could have easily scared him off, but with all the attention she'd already drawn to herself and the family in the last few days, the least she could do is put up with an irritating hormonal teenage boy.
"Well, just, y'know," Mike said, his grin widening out to a smile. "If you ever wanted a real man to feel under you, I'm available."
"Real man?" Bella questioned, smirking. "What kind of 'real man' makes comments like that in front of other girls? How about you let me know when you grow up a bit, Mikey, okay?" She reached out and ruffled his hair with her free hand, chose a banana, and sauntered past the cashier, waving it in the air in what she hoped was fairly clear innuendo, with a smirk.
"Mikey?" Jasper asked with a grin when Bella joined them with her prop lunch. She just shrugged and played with her food, making it look like she was eating. But she smiled a bit as a new rumor started circulating about how she'd turned down Mike Newton and treated him like a little kid. Once again she wondered at how hard it had been to fade into the background in Forks and questioned Carlisle's choice of the small town over another large city like Seattle or Portland where they could have melded in without drawing as much attention to themselves as they had so far.
By the time lunch was over, half the school was calling out to 'Mikey' Newton.
Bella almost skipped biology, but she knew that running wouldn't actually solve anything since he had classes with at least one of her siblings for every class except gym. She detoured outside where she lingered as long as she dared in the fresh air before venturing into the classroom. Thankfully, she was not assaulted with his scent until she reached their desk. She stopped breathing, and took a seat without saying anything.
"Hello." He spoke quietly.
She looked up. He was wearing his glasses again. "Hi." She busied herself pulling her supplies from her bag. She should apologize for being so short with him, but Mr. Banner was on top of things for once and started class on time, thankfully postponing her need to say anything.
They were left to themselves for the last few minutes of class and Bella peeked through the curtain of her hair to watch him. He'd pulled out a composition book at some point during the lecture and was scribbling down notes.
"I should apologize for my rudeness," Bella said softly, and the sounds of his pencil stopped. "I was raised better than that. But it's really better if we're not friends, Edward."
"Beg your pardon?" The words were so automatic from him that Bella fought a smile. She'd expected 'huh?' but was reminded once again that he was much better spoken than his peers.
"It's for the best, really. I'm sorry if I led you on to believe otherwise." She'd timed it just right. The bell rang as she finished her sentence and she slipped from the room, managing to avoid tripping and running into Emmett in the hall, both of which she was extremely proud of.
She skipped gym and ran home instead, needing away from the feeling of people watching and listening.
The next few weeks passed uneventfully. The incident with the tree was eventually forgotten in the wake of new gossip. One of the cheerleaders had gotten knocked up by one of the football players, a couple of kids were busted for drug possession, and of course the ever present gossip over who was dating whom and who was going to the winter formal. Mike Newton was still being called 'Mikey,' and Bella continued to get the evil eye from him every time she happened to look his way.
Bella managed to maintain a level of casual acquaintance with Edward, though she caught him staring at her in the lunch room most days, and she indulged in her share of watching through her hair in biology. They chatted occasionally, but only as necessary to complete assignments in class. It didn't help. Bella still felt herself drawn to him, still felt the need to stick close and look out for him. She found it easier to be around him as time went on, but she tried to keep her distance, for both their sakes.
She'd gotten a forewarning from Alice that Mr. Banner had decided to have them sample and type their own blood as part of the upcoming community drive. Bella almost left school at lunch that day, but Alice had sent a message through Jasper that she needed something from Bella before her art class after lunch.
So, Bella met up with her family to see what Alice needed, not bothering with purchasing lunch. On her way to their table, she noticed Edward sitting alone, engrossed in his composition book again, eyes half closed as he listened to something on his iPod, too quietly for even Bella's ears to pick up over the noise in the room, he had the volume so low. He glanced up as she passed and smiled, nodding his greeting.
Bella smiled back and continued to her family.
"Oh, good, Bella!" Alice bounced up to her and tugged her down to a seat. "My pencils got slipped into your bag somehow and I need them in class today."
Bella raised an eyebrow but plunked her bag on the table, rifling through it until she found Alice's tin of colored pencils. She handed it over with a questioning look.
"I think they fell out in the car," Alice explained, tucking them into her oversized purse that doubled as a book bag and in no way looked like Bella's messenger bag.
Bella looked skeptical but said nothing.
"Bella." She heard his voice clear as a bell from across the room, but didn't look up, pretending it was swallowed in the noise of the room.
"Bella," Jasper nudged her. "Edward's staring at you. I think he's trying to get your attention. He's a bit anxious."
She didn't answer Jasper, just turned around to see his green eyes locked on hers. He tilted his head to one side and raised his eyebrows in clear invitation, a grin lighting his features.
Against her own reasoning, she joined, sitting across from him at the table. "Edward, I-"
"It's okay," he said, raising a hand. "I just wanted your opinion on something." Bella thought she saw the hint of a blush spread up his pale cheeks. "You always have music or something on," he explained as he handed her his earbuds. "So as kind of an unbiased but educated opinion?"
Bella nodded and tucked the headphones in, letting him hit play. The solo piano started softly, the melody slowly weaving together and building as several themes came together, then fading off again into the first quiet haunting melody. It wasn't finished, Bella could tell by the lapses and hesitations she heard, but she had enough years experience listening to music to hear the potential. "It's gorgeous," she said quietly. "Is it yours?" she tapped his composition book lightly with a fingertip.
Edward nodded, smiling brightly. "You really thought so?"
"Of course," Bella answered sincerely. "When you finish, I'd love a copy. If you don't mind?" she asked in a rush, not wanting to sound presumptuous.
"Not at all," he answered quietly, green eyes dropping to his book again.
She handed back his earphones, unable to avoid brushing her fingers against his, feeling the jolt that ran through her. "Thank you." She started to get up to leave. "Edward, I-"
He looked up expectantly and Bella lost track of what she'd been about to say as she locked her gaze on his.
"I'll see you tomorrow," she said after a moment.
"You're not going to class?" He looked a bit surprised.
"Ditching class every now and then is healthy, Edward," Bella teased lightly.
He laughed. "I suppose so."
"You should try it sometime." She smiled and winked and rose to rejoin her family.
"I don't know what you did, Bells, but he's pretty happy right now," Jasper said softly, smiling. Alice was bouncing again, Emmett had a big goofy grin on his face, and even Rosalie's scowl was threatening to turn up into a smile.
Bella rolled her eyes and collected her bag. "What happened to you letting me deal with this?" She asked Alice half-heartedly. She realized that the 'thing' she'd needed was a set up to make sure she'd be in the lunchroom. "I'll see you at home," she said, deciding then to blow off gym as well. She checked out at the office saying she wasn't feeling well, but had to wait for the nurse to check out. They hadn't really been around long enough to start skipping classes yet, though Alice had foreseen a few sunny days coming up.
As she was leaving she heard a commotion in the hall at the same time she smelt blood. She immediately stopped breathing; no matter how ill the consumption of blood made her, it still brought out the predatory side of her nature. She swallowed a mouthful of venom as she peeked around the door to see Edward awkwardly supporting Mikey Newton, who had gone as white as – well – herself – and about to pass out. Fighting a laugh at Mike's macho persona being shattered, she stepped up and took the arm Edward wasn't holding and draped it over her shoulder. Mikey was lopsided, but it was better than getting dragged along the corridor she supposed.
"Oh, God," Mike muttered.
"If you puke, make sure you hit your own shoes," Edward threatened, a hint of a growl in his voice, but he was grinning.
Bella smiled, wondering how Edward had gotten stuck with the escort.
Mike staggered between them but they got him righted and into the nurse's office.
"Bella, dear, I thought you were- oh." The nurse spotted Mike and Edward. "Just sit him here." She waved at the small exam table. "What happened?"
"Blood typing lab with Mr. Banner," Edward explained. "Mr. Banner didn't give him any warning before sticking him with the lancet."
They got Mike laying down and the nurse excused them.
"Thought you were skipping?" Edward teased as they stepped outside.
"Was," Bella answered. "Just doing so officially." She waved her pass at him and was mildly surprised when she breathed again and didn't feel bothered by his scent. Attracted, yes; all powerful urge to attack, no. "No one's going to have to escort you back here?" She smiled, teasing.
Edward rolled his eyes. "He wants to be a surgeon," he scoffed quietly. "No, I'm fine. Made of sterner stuff than that, me."
"Okay." Bella fell still before remembering to fidget a bit, and she played with an end of her hair. "You should get back," she said quietly.
"Yeah. Feel better," he teased and turned back down the hall.
A couple more weeks passed and Edward and Bella continued with small talk, and Bella struggled to keep her distance. There were a few sunny days that forced her and the family to miss school, but Bella appreciated the break from school and the masses. She needed to be more wary around Edward, she knew. Emmett had talked about the new unit for his English class being a lot of local legends, and Billy Black had been in to guest lecture on some of the Quileute stories, and Emmett had decided to skip that class, so she didn't know what had been told. However, nothing had really changed, so Bella could only conclude that everything had been forgotten and her and her family could continue on in Forks without being the center of attention.
Before she knew it, it was mid-February and the school buzzed with Valentine's Day hookups, a student presentation of the Vagina Monologues that Rose had gotten involved in, and the Jazz Band's trip to Salem Oregon for the annual jazz festival at the university there.
"So," Edward started one Thursday, his pencil tapping lightly on his notebook as they worked through the lab. "Any big plans for this weekend?"
Bella grinned, though the question surprised her slightly. Edward had seemed particularly withdrawn for the last few days. "As a matter of fact, yes," she said, teasing. "I have it on good authority that there's going to be a very good day of jazz down in Salem."
The pencil stopped tapping. "You're going?"
Bella fought a smile at the hint of a blush she saw touch his ears and cheeks. "Sure," she said with a shrug. "I've heard good things about the university jazz band, and the guest artist is a favorite of mine," she said casually. Though really, she felt like something of a stalker for going down knowing Edward would be playing. She tried to convince herself she'd be going anyway, but she wasn't sure she believed herself.
Which, she realized, made her sound completely insane.
"Oh." Edward sounded slightly deflated. "Well, yeah, I mean," he stammered slightly. "The university jazz band is very good, and so's the faculty combo, if they play this year." His smile came back. "I hope we do well enough to get to play in the evening concert. It's great to get to play with legends like him."
Bella returned the smile. "Well, good luck then," she said as they finished the lab. "Or should I say 'break a leg'?"
"That'll work." He returned her smile.
The bell rang and Bella gathered her things. "Oh, Edward, do me a favor while you're gone?" she said suddenly.
He looked up, a strange look on his face.
"Be safe." Before she slipped from the room, his expression cleared slightly to reveal a smile and a hint of confusion.
She didn't know what had compelled her to add that last statement, and she rolled it through her mind on her way to gym. She worried about him – and she didn't like the idea of not being there for him and that thought scared her almost as much as the protectiveness she felt for the boy. It wasn't so much that she felt protective of him that was scary; it was that a human boy had such power over her.
