The last he'd remember before they had left the city on General Iroh's ship had been Tenzin's look as Korra hugged him good-bye, and the sheer amount of supplication in them, a look that was only meant for him alone, though he failed to understand why.
Protect her.
He gave a subtle nod before turning back to the ship, climbing on to the ramp as he followed Korra and her pet. As the ship set sail, he fell back, choosing instead to watch her and her friends profusely wave at the airbender children, Commander Bumi and to Bei Fong and some of her troops that Bolin had already befriended.
They were given ten days to complete the search, and while the young general insisted on escorting them to and from the marshes, Korra asserted that only they were to look for the revolutionary, strictly no help from the United Forces. Iroh claimed that he trusted and respected the Avatar's judgment as his grandfather had many years ago but also because it was the least he could do after she saved him from the sea.
"Alone in the wilderness," as Mako put while taking a bit out of his meal on the first night on the ship. They ate with Iroh's soldiers and reassembled crew members and in his mind, as he half-listened to Bolin's recollection of 'chi-blocking this one guy in town by accident', he could imagine Noatak, not Amon and his satisfaction at seeing them; benders, nonbenders, the Avatar, a fallen councilman, the general of the United Forces, two probending athletes and an heiress dining on a nice meal of fish, salad and bread, all equal. He downed a glass of water before excusing himself from the table, avoiding Korra's heavy gaze that fell on him when he made his way to the deck.
As much as it would relax him to believe that Korra would be the only one to acknowledge him during the journey, Bolin proved him wrong, as though that day he disabled the firebender was the beginning of their strange friendship. Tarrlok couldn't say if he was relieved with the development or not considering what happened between them in the past.
"Hey," the earthbender's voice came from behind, soft against the waves that barraged the ship's hull. Tarrlok gave a nod but otherwise kept his eyes on the water below them, involuntarily clenching his fists at the numbness as he stared into the sea's depths. Bolin leant on the railing beside him and turned to the crescent of the moon above their heads. "What's up, Ponytail Man?"
He smiled. "And here I thought labels would stop when we left the island."
"What, the ponytails are cool though-" Bolin gestured to his chestnut locks before letting his hand on his own coiffed hair. "Hey, I'd wear them if my hair grew that long."
"Ah, then you'd have to wait a while to even get it past your shoulder," Tarrlok replied, bringing a hand to his chin as he inspected the earthbender's hair from where he stood. "I believe it's different with everyone but then you aren't here to ask for advice on how to have perfect hair, are you?"
Bolin laughed. "No, no. Just wanted to check up on you, was all."
"Taking over for the Avatar?"
"Just for tonight, I mean, she needs to sort out things with Mako-" Bolin halted, waving a finger at him accusingly. "Has she been telling you any of these things? Mako problems, me problems, Asami problems?"
"It's been strictly business between her and me," he began to answer, but as his mind lingered on it, what did he mean exactly by it? Stories of his past, the hair-combing, apologies for their mistakes, all while she had that look in her eyes that he still, with all his ability of reading people effortlessly, couldn't decipher. Strictly business, all right. "And what good would it do her to get advice on her relationships from someone such as myself?"
"I dunno. Maybe some outside perspective would be good?" Bolin shrugged. "Maybe some of your snark would help her out, or make her laugh at least."
"I'll take note of that." It was silent, only the sound of the ship's deep creaking filling the gaps in between. Bolin beside him had taken to sitting against the railing, rubbing his chin in contemplation, and he knew that a question was soon to follow that pursing his lips made.
"Do you think we'll find him?" For the first time in a long while, he has no words, answers, no cracks. Did he believe that they would actually find Amon in the wilderness? No, as far as he was concerned, it would be a pointless mission to take part in. If they did find him, he wouldn't be surprised if the serpent had already gotten to the revolutionary. The man's death would not affect him, not when he had already accepted Noatak's 'death' in that snowstorm many, many years ago.
Who was he fooling? "I hope we do."
Bolin smiled and settled a reassuring hand on his shoulder, and now Tarrlok found himself admitting that yes, Bolin's company was very much appreciated no matter how strange their circumstance had been.
Though sharing a room with him and his brother was something he could live without. Tarrlok scowled as he stared at the riveted ceiling, attempting to block out the earthbender's snores and Mako's constant blanket rustling. Huffing, he rose from his bed, eying the brothers in exasperation before heading for the doorway, hoping to get some air on the deck above.
As he expected, Korra had been there, sitting with her legs crossed and her face scrunched up in concentration. He waited for her to move, to yawn and rub her eyes before making his way over but when she didn't, he remained hidden in the shadows. Her shoulders were set, and her whole body, relaxed, almost asleep even. She didn't stir even when he walked up to her, even when he settled himself in his usual spot, across her. He chuckled when a soft snore came from her. While the notion of her falling asleep during meditation amused him, when she drooped and fell, giving a distressed sort of noise in her sleep, he began to worry.
As he watched Korra shake in her restless dream, he tried to recall what his mother, even what Noatak did to comfort him when he had nightmares. His mother sang to him as she cradled him in her lap when he was little, while he was halfway through dreaming and waking, when he knew that Noatak watched him no matter how detached he'd grown.
Tarrlok moved over to her and gingerly held her against him, cradling her as best he could without waking her. While he didn't sing to her as his mother did to him all those years ago, he chose instead rub circles on her back slowly, gently.
Her breathing eased and she stilled at his hand, before rousing to look up at him, her eyes still glazed over from sleep. There was a moment of surprise in them, perhaps to finding herself in his arms, perhaps to the whole intimacy of their situation and he immediately untangled himself from her when a frown graced her lips.
An apology passed from his mouth. "I'm sorry. I merely should have left you alone-"
"Tarrlok-" Korra hastily began but he continued over her.
"-but I remember the nightmares I used to have, and I remember how calming it was to have someone comfort me."
A pause hovered over them before Korra's sigh shattered it. "Yeah, yeah. Tenzin told me it that it was okay to be afraid."
"You are the Avatar," he began moving his hair from his eyes. He watched her face as he spoke, and he could see the change in them, her uncertainty changing to indignation as she anticipated a sort of hidden insult from him. He shook his head at her. "You are the Avatar, but you are also human. There is nothing weak about being scared, I've learnt that now."
Taken aback by his admittance, Korra could only stare at him, some of the sleep still clouding her eyes. Then she looked away, turning instead of the moon. "You've been learning a lot of things ever since Amon took your bending."
"It changes a man."
"Do you want it back?" She turned back to him, her eyes determined. "If I could learn how to energybend, somehow like Aang did, do you want me to give yours back?"
He clenched his fists and scowled; he could live without it, yes but he also missed it a lot, he missed being able to feel the sea on times like this when he was close to it, close enough to breathe the scent of the ocean spray; he missed being able to play water in his hands when he was alone in his office-
He missed being able to sense at least other peoples' bodies through bloodbending, but not the act itself. It gave him a scope on everyone and it was vital as a politician. But he was no less than a speck dirt now, a criminal. Did he really want it back?
"That remains to be seen, Korra," he answered her firmly. "Do you think I want it back? Do I seem desperate to get it back as the others have been?"
It was visible on her face as she recounted what she'd already seen. The triads, their opponents in the Probending finals- those who had grown desperate just to get their bending back. Though he and Bei Fong remained strong, angry perhaps, but it was though nothing had happened. He would admit that he was still that charming, enthralling man and he knew that Bei Fong was still steadfast with her mission to safeguard the city, perhaps even more determined actually.
Korra eyed him a moment before sighing. "I don't think so. You've actually been pretty calm about it-"
"Because I've accepted it. Because I've realised that bending isn't everything."
She looked alarmed, and he understood why but her expression simmered down to exhaustion, something so human. "We need to find him as soon as we can, Tarrlok. Zhenli She won't hesitate to kill him if we keep putting this off."
Zhenli She, the truth snake.
"Yes, Avatar Korra."
They docked on the swamp in the morning, early and before he could even catch Korra, she had gone off with her friends and the general to get mounts for them to ride on in the swamp, because the polar bear-dog seemed unable stand to being ridden by five people for a whole mission.
She knew that he wouldn't even bother escaping even when he was free to do so, he was tethered to her. Instead, he wandered about the swampbenders' settlement, a humble town on stilts that stood over the murky waters of the river. He ended up fingering the points of a narwhal horn spear from a weapons and fishing supplies business, remembering in his mind how before the waterbending, his father would teach them the ways of hunting.
Kill it quickly, boys. Don't make it suffer, if only he knew how much of a lie that was when they stood over a fresh carcass of an impaled buffalo-yak, the scent of freshly spilt blood fighting its way to him. He honestly believed that his father was nothing more than a skilled hunter back then. And don't waste what you've hunted, it's disrespectful to the animal.
With the minimal amount of yuans he possessed, he bought the narwhal horn spear and a machete, one that felt right in his hands as he held it, weighing it before sliding it into a holster on his back. If he couldn't bend, he was going to hunt. It was as simple as that. He was better at it than Noatak was anyway. Not that it mattered.
He smile grew wide at the surprise on Korra and her friends' faces. Behind them, the polar bear-dog seemed to have already acquainted herself with her travelling companions, three ostrich horses stood with sacks of supplies on their sides, nudging muzzles with the Avatar's pet.
"There are only three of them," he stated, pointing to the animals with the blunt end of his spear. Bolin shrugged and mounted one of them while his brother gave him a disapproving glare.
"Yeah, well, you're riding with me, since I'm your parole officer," Korra answered impatiently as she eyed the spear braced on his back.
"What's with the spear?" Asami asked, as she climbed the other ostrich-horse and straightening out the ruffled feathers on its head. Mako's disapproving glare moved on to him as they waited for his response.
"We're going on a mission in the swamp, you cannot expect to have food served to us on a platter, can you?" Asami's face melded into a blank mask at his response but he only noticed the finger that the firebender pointed at him.
"How do we know you're not going to kill us with them in our sleep?" Mako hissed. Korra bit her lip and moved between them, her hands stiff as she attempted to assuage them, although she too waited for his answer.
She was too trusting, he realized. But then again, she was the reason why he was here and not in some high security prison like the Boiling Rock. He found her eyes and stared at them for a moment, seeing the doubt in the shade of blue that he had been so familiar with as a child.
"What good would it do me to harm the one person who cares?"
The doubt vanished from her eyes and she gave him a smile, small but meant only for him.
They moved quickly and set to leave after they've had lunch on Korra's insistence. Now, he watched as the teenagers snagged the young general in a hug, which, after all the time he had to understand everything, the act of hugs he still couldn't comprehend.
While General Iroh straightened out his blazer, the others mounted their ostrich-horses and Tarrlok refrained from laughing when Mako's gave an indignant squawk as he mounted it. The general turned to them, his face now full of concern.
"If you encounter trouble or anything, send a flare and we'll get to you as swiftly as we possibly could."
"We'll be okay, Iroh," Korra answered with a reassuring smile as she climbed atop Naga. "But thank you. We'll see you in a couple of days."
"Take care of yourselves."
When the sound of Bolin's stomach growling reached his ears, overpowering even the sound of crickets skating on the swamp surface and the croaks that the hippo-toads gave out, Tarrlok figured that they needed to set up camp. Korra returned Amon's mask to him, as she'd been using it for Naga to track his brother down with, scowling at the patches of sky that darkened over their heads.
"I'm off to find some rare game for us," he whispered to her when Mako and Asami hitched their ostrich-horses to a large, gnarled root while Bolin forced an elevation of land that they could camp on from the murky water.
"Take Naga," there was a twinge underlying her voice, curiosity. "I mean, she's good at that stuff-"
"What about you?" he asked, handing her his sheathed machete. She gave it a look, like the look of a child seeing rain or snow for the first time.
"Me? I can't, I have to, you know, do waterbending things around here…" She trailed off as she pushed the machete away, gesturing instead to the muddy plateau that Bolin had raised. He nudged her with the handle of the blade, chuckling as he watched the water from the earth that she bent tremble by his hand.
"You mean to tell me that Avatar Korra has never gone hunting before?"
"I have half the mind to send you flying with a water whip, Tarrlok." She was clearly seething, and while his normal course of action would be to provoke her even further, he found himself pitying her. Growing up, even with Yakone as a father, the whole Water Tribe culture was centered on survival; he was taught how to hold a spear even before waterbending, and so were his brother and other children in his village.
If his father wasn't being severe with his bending, then his aptitude with skinning an animal would pay the price. Yet to see Korra, perhaps the most undiluted person from his home tribe that he's ever known, and her inexperience to something so second nature: it perplexed him to say the least.
"Come with me. It's high time you learn if you've never had the chance."
"What? No, Tarrlok-"
"You're to blame if I escape, you understand?"
He kept himself from smiling in triumph at glare she gave him.
"Stupid, sleazy, politician's reasoning."
As it turned out, Korra's father was the esteemed Tonraq from the Northern Water Tribe, migrated south once he met Korra's mother. Tarrlok still could not believe what she had missed out on; learning everything her father could've taught her had the White Lotus not taken her to that inhumane compound.
But even after her initial inexperience with it, he had nothing to teach her.
It had been when they were crouched behind a large root, eyeing a nest of eaglehawk-lizards when Tarrlok heard his father's voice.
"Look at you, trying to be friends with the enemy, you coward. What a disgrace."
His eyes snapped up to a branch to see his father's figure lounging easily on it, his face contorted in disgust. He looked away, feeling the fear pool in his gut. He turned back to see Korra take his spear and throw it efficiently at the largest lizard, watching as she vaulted over the root to subdue the animal effortlessly. The others of its kind had scurried away, hissing in terror.
When he looked back to the tree branch, his father had disappeared.
"Tarrlok, you okay?" she asked, her face flecked with light splatters of blood from the hunt. She had iced the carcass of the lizard, holding it in her arms as she whistled for Naga to come out.
"I'm…I'm alright," he forced out but even as they returned to the camp, he found his eyes darting about the trees for any sign of his father's apparition.
The sight of the bending brothers and Asami huddled close to the fire, their eyes full of what looked to be trepidation was what met them when they returned to the camp. It was silent, and while Mako offered to cook the lizard for them all, no one had said a word.
The sounds of cicadas had disappeared into the night, and nothing was visible in the dark outside the glow and warmth that their campfire radiated. Korra turned to him in confusion, her mouth repeatedly opening and closing as if to say something that never came.
It was only when they had turned over for the night when he heard Bolin whisper something to Asami.
"Did you really see your mom?"
"I- Yeah. She was crying." There was a pause, and Tarrlok could see Bolin shifting his sleeping bag closer to hers. Asami continued to speak, her voice so utterly quiet that Tarrlok strained to hear. "Did you see your mom?"
"Yeah, it was weird because I could hardly remember her, but that laugh she gave when she ran just then-" Bolin sighed shakily and Tarrlok found his eyes darting around, looking for something his restless gaze on. Bolin's voice however, he continued to listen to. "I knew it was her. I just- I had to see if it really was her-"
So it wasn't only him who had seen apparitions of the dead, then. When he turned to see Korra, hoping that she'd be awake to talk, he was met instead with her carefree face half-hidden in her polar bear-dog's pelt as she slept.
He dreamt of his father that night, just his father, and he felt himself in his old skin, when he was still an eleven year old boy taking his father's words as though they were knives that cut into him.
Amon, not Noatak, was there, but he just stood, watching impassively as the blood trickled from Tarrlok's bare arms and onto the snow underneath him. Amon did not approach him to ease his pain, nor to wipe the tears from his young face. He merely stood behind as his father hurled more abuse at him.
Sorry that this took so long to update! Exams happened, but now that they're over and done with, we can read more fic (not that I wasn't not reading fic during the exam period, haha). Anyway, thanks again to Drakyndra and her reviews for being the rock with which this fic is built out of (every chapter, woman! You complete me so.) Hello to jaclynhyde, who I've been seeing all over the internet these days ( , tumblr, AO3).Plus, I've only just found out that this fic is on the Legend of Korra TV Tropes Fic Recommendations page, and I have Ru Tsuna to thank for that, gosh, you people are all so lovely. Haha.
