A/N Rose begins to realize there may be more of an issue between them than the Doctor is letting on, and it's going to have to be confronted.
Chapter 7
"You want to stay here and engage in sexual copulation."
His blunt statement caught her off guard, gave her a zing of pure arousal, and caused her to bristle a bit at his matter-of-factness — all in one go.
Rose knew at that moment she was no doubt going to have her work cut out for her on this 'honeymoon.' But the most immediate task she currently faced was to form a reply.
The trouble with forming a reply, Rose promptly realized, was that it tended to be difficult when one was temporarily left speechless. It took her a few seconds just to register the fact that yes, he really did just say that.
Rose sputtered on an answer when she finally managed one. "I didn't…that wasn't…you don't have to put it like that!"
She withdrew her hand from his and dropped the other that had rested upon the Doctor's chest. Understandably, the intimate position suddenly felt a touch…awkward. Rose recovered her composure and clarified. "And this isn't just about what I want. Because if you don't want…this, too, then just forget it and we'll go climb a glowing mountain." Her eyes slid off to the side as she finished.
"That activity's not until dark," he helpfully pointed out.
"Right!" she snipped, taking a step back and waving curtly towards the door. "Then we'll go…skysurfing or…whatever."
There was a moment of silent tension between them. Rose cut her eyes back to him and could almost hear the words he had spoken just days before when they had been on the cusp of all this and he had openly expressed doubts.
'You see? That's what I mean about all this. Changes. You'll expect things from me. Expect me to give and to be more than I can. That's just not who I am.'
Rose closed her eyes. She had refuted his misgivings at the time, but maybe he had been right when he'd said that. Working through the inherent differences between them wasn't going to be as easy as she'd thought. And getting frustrated over it now certainly wasn't going to help matters.
She took a breath. "Doctor, I…I'm sorry," Rose began.
"No," he quickly answered back as he removed his glasses and pocketed them, "don't be sorry. This is all just a bit…different for both of us, eh? We're still trying to figure it out. And I'm just not…used to this sort of thing, Rose. Trying to read your signals, and knowing when to…" He thrust both hands through his wild hair, giving a frustrated tug. "And it's different with me. This sort of…involvement and what it entails doesn't always come naturally because not only were…physical relations nearly bred out of Time Lords altogether, but I've also spent a large portion of my life foregoing that type of thing."
"'S alright. I get it. I do," Rose replied hastily, feeling her cheeks flush. She was beginning to feel like an insatiable, walking mix of raging hormones, with him the one in possession of level-headed control.
Ironically.
He continued on, trying to salvage the situation. "But I can allow myself to reach a state of…" The Doctor then paused and cleared his throat. He looked Rose up and down, but with more the look of contemplation he would give the TARDIS when trying to figure out just what needed calibrating and how to go about doing it. "Um, just give me a moment," he said, his face bearing a look of concentration.
He was having to concentrate on arousing himself, she concluded. Rose wasn't entirely sure, but she was pretty certain she was starting to feel, on a certain level, like a failure as a woman.
What she didn't know was that the Doctor was actually trying a stopgap measure of bolstering a few barriers so he could handle this without it completely overwhelming him. Because despite her belief, control was not something he had been in the better possession of lately when faced with this sort of thing.
Unfortunately, the awkward delay as the Doctor attempted to augment his mental control did nothing to improve the circumstances for Rose. The flush that had heated her cheeks suddenly migrated to her entire body as embarrassment flashed through her in regards to this whole situation. Needless to say, she was steadily losing the mood.
Rose's eyes flicked to his – drawn together in concentration – then off to focus on a point somewhere over his shoulder. "Look, let's just…forget about this right now. We'll go see some sights and stuff. We'll just…get out for a bit, yeah?"
The Doctor took a step closer to her and gently placed a hand on her arm. But again, the touch did not trigger the telltale sign of his mutual desire, and it just made her all the more ready to shelve this conversation. That disappearing waterfall was sounding better and better.
"Rose, if you want to stay here…if you want to–"
"This isn't just about what I want," she reiterated. "And you're not the only one who has to be…in the mood for it. A woman needs that, too. And right now just isn't the best time, I don't think."
This was getting more awkward by the minute, and Rose hoped he would just let it drop. This sort of thing really shouldn't be so difficult for them. The two had enough passion between them to rival a supernova. Their problem was in currently talking this to death and making an issue of it.
"This trip isn't what you were expecting," he stated flatly, and looking as if he'd failed on some level. What she knew he was saying was that he wasn't what she had been expecting.
Rose shook her head, dispelling his words. "This trip is about moving forward and getting to know each other even better. Which is what we're doing right now. I'm not unhappy, Doctor. We're both different, but that's okay. And we're learning."
While she tried to sound assuring, the Doctor sounded as if he was beginning to doubt the whole trip. "Do you still want to stay here? On holiday, I mean? If you had something else in mind…"
She smiled reassuringly. "This is perfect." He frowned, not convinced. "It is. It doesn't matter where we are or what we're doing. I just love being with you – anywhere and everywhere and everywhen. Same as always. That hasn't changed."
"Me too," he confirmed softly, and the moment of rare candor reminded her of how fragile this level of openness was for him, yet also how far he'd come. They were still progressing, though; and for now they had plenty of time.
Her eyes flicked over to the screen beside them, still displaying endless choices of activities. "C'mon. What'd you say we go watch a waterfall disappear?"
He smiled back, the motion soon widening to a grin. "Brilliant."
-:-:-:-
The Doctor and Rose headed out and joined a guided excursion with a dozen or so other tourists through nearby Park Bliss up to Paradise's Disappearing Falls. Their guide, a middle-aged Rajaran woman who seemed a bit bored with this routine she'd been through countless times, soon got a little unwanted excitement by having the Doctor on her tour.
It didn't take long for the Doctor to grow uninterested with the guide's practiced lecture on the surrounding flora and fauna, and he just as quickly got on the nerves of their tour guide when he gave their group a much more vivid account of facts and tidbits, completely upstaging their accompanying expert. When Rose finally gave him one of those You're Being Rude Again looks, he shrugged and left the lecturing to their guide and lost interest, wandering off the path to do his own exploring on the way to the top of the falls. He wasn't one to be guided on a set path when forging his own trail could prove much more interesting.
The Doctor was also hoping to get off for a bit and clear his head, and Rose seemed happily preoccupied with their group. It had become clear back in their suite that Rose wanted more intimacy between them right away, and all he had managed to do was disappoint her. It wasn't that he didn't want the same thing, even if it was something that had been all-but bred out of the Time Lord race, as he had told her (he always was a rebel, though). The problem, as he had already self-identified, was that he found himself wanting, needing, craving more and more of her and their bond the closer they became. He had already frightened himself with his loss of control when they initially bonded without her consent – something he still felt substantial guilt over. Consequently, he didn't know if he could trust himself any further with this aspect of their relationship. Not yet. And so, he was currently doing what he did best by avoiding the issue altogether.
The Doctor idly kicked a pebble in his path as he trudged along in solitude. He knew he was going to be rubbish at this.
-:-:-:-
Rose had noticed the Doctor meandering off from their group. She muttered to herself about him having the cheek to ever say that she had a penchant for wandering off. He was every bit as bad, if not worse. But she gave him a bit of space for a little while, thinking maybe it would do him some good. As she gave it more thought, she realized it was almost as if he was wandering off to look for trouble because he needed it. Now, whether he needed it to hold his interest because he was bored by their tour or needed it as a distraction from the two of them, she wasn't entirely sure.
Regardless of his reason, Rose finally followed after him a short time later, hoping to lead him back to their group before they were given a warning about staying on the designated trails. They had already misstepped this planet's simple protocols enough for one day.
As she veered off the beaten path and whacked thick foliage and branches out of her way, Rose passed a few Danger, Keep Out signs and knew she was no doubt on the right track to finding him. That was just the sort of warning that would entice the Doctor to do the opposite.
She soon caught sight of him in a clearing up ahead. "Doctor?" Rose called out as she approached where he had come to a stop. "The trail goes back this way."
He turned his head to her long enough to give a crooked grin. "Ah, but this is where the fascination lies," he countered, spreading his arms as he surveyed the forested landscape ahead. "The fun is never to be had on designated trails, Rose Tyler. Remember that. Where would Columbus or Lewis and Clark or Zoogle and Mrosky have been if not for following that urge to explore? This is where mysteries are uncovered and discoveries are made."
She shook her head fondly at his dramatics, which was really just a cover for breaking the rules. And she wasn't even going to ask who Zoogle and Mrosky were, or they'd be here all day.
"And just what grand discovery have you made by going off trail, hmm?" she asked, humoring him.
The Doctor peered off into the near-endless expanse of forest. "I have discovered…," he drew out the statement for maximum effect, "that this is a deceptively-dangerous area. Dangerous for the untrained eye, of course, but not for me. If one knows how to skirt danger while beholding its wonder, then this is a much more interesting path to take than the 'designated' one."
Rose considered the seemingly-harmless wooded scene before them. "What's so dangerous here, then?"
The Doctor reached down and picked up a sizable stone from the forest floor. He then flung it about five meters ahead. It sank through the ground and disappeared.
He gestured around them. "There are cracks in the ground through this area. All made be a clever little creature that's similar to an Earth-variety mole, but makes tunnels deep enough to swallow a person whole if one were to take the wrong step."
Rose looked down by her feet with sudden caution. "Just a guess, but that's probably why they have signs in this area that say to keep out," she quipped.
He simply shrugged, but there was a look of distant contemplation on his face that seemed to go beyond this superficial conversation they were having.
There could have been an infinite number of complex reasons for that look, but considering this wasn't the ideal time or location to get into that just now, Rose decided to go with the least complicated one. "Does this place still seem familiar to you?" she asked curiously.
The Doctor wrinkled his brow in deeper thought as he considered the question. "Not right here in particular, no. But this place still just seems a bit…"
"What?" she prompted.
"Time is a little bit…wobbly here," he admitted.
"Is that dangerous?"
"Not necessarily, no. But it's in a state of flux."
Rose had grown accustomed to terms like Fluctuating Timelines and Fixed Points and Established Events and Paradoxes and Altering the Causal Nexus of History, but she didn't have the profusion of possibilities etched in her marrow like a Time Lord.
"And that matters because...?"
He looked at her, face growing more serious. "Anything could happen."
They were interrupted by the sound of a shout from behind them. "Return from there at once!" their angry guide admonished, rapidly approaching and turning a deeper shade of orange.
"It appears we've been caught," he murmured to Rose.
"I warned you," she mouthed back.
"Just got a bit…turned around," he called out cheerily.
Rose patted his arm pityingly. "Luckily I came to his rescue. He'd be lost without me, this one would."
The flash of deep emotion crossing his face nearly distracted Rose from this typical predicament they were now in.
Their guide eyed them both with agitation. "If you had stayed with the group as instructed, that would not have happened. I'm going to have to log a report of this incident with Guest Services."
"Oh, do you have to?" the Doctor whinged. "Where's the fun in that?"
The woman's eyes narrowed. "Is this a game to you, going against regulations by engaging in recklessly-dangerous actions?"
The Doctor tilted his head in consideration. "Well…"
The woman bristled.
"That wouldn't happen to be…Jaise Daax you'll be reporting this to, would it?" Rose asked, afraid she already knew the answer.
She gave a short nod, pulling out a small data pad. "Indeed. He's the supervisor of Guest Services for this district."
"I was afraid so," Rose murmured. She and the Doctor were starting to develop a reputation.
The woman's copper-hued eyebrows rose high as she pulled up their registration data. "It seems this incident fits your behavioral profile that is already on file."
"Really?" the Doctor asked, seeming highly and inappropriately pleased.
"That wasn't a compliment," Rose whispered.
The woman finished her report and tucked her data pad away. "Now then, if you would please, come with me to rejoin the others. On. The. Trail. If you stray from the boundaries again you will have to be dismissed from the tour, and the justifiable documentation is now on file if such action needs to be taken."
"Trouble in Paradise," the Doctor muttered as he grudgingly returned to permissible grounds. He was beginning to see why he wasn't cut out for honeymoons at all. Thank you, Jackie Tyler.
-:-:-:-
After their semi-eventful trip to the Disappearing Falls, the Doctor and Rose returned to do some more exploring around the city. He didn't speak again about the odd feeling he'd had about this place upon arrival, but Rose knew it was still somewhere in the back of his mind. Along with a million other things. That was one aspect of the Doctor's nature. He could literally have a symphony of thoughts, ideas, plans, concerns and issues spanning the galaxy all swirling through his mind at once. Sometimes it felt as if he was a thousand thoughts away from her, always darting ahead at the speed of light even when standing still. No wonder he always ran. It pulled him relentlessly from within.
Then there was the issue of them.
They had reached a bit of an understanding earlier in the suite. They would take their time with this and play it by ear. There were no rules. There was no guidebook to follow. This trip together didn't have to be some sort of obligatory romantic holiday. But if things did move in that direction, Rose wasn't going to object. Their earlier attempt at romance had obviously not gone well, though. She suspected it wasn't so much that the Doctor wasn't familiar with how to go about having this kind of relationship – it was that he wasn't familiar with allowing himself to have this kind of relationship.
Rose was also beginning to sense that this issue was more than just early awkwardness and unfamiliarity with the newness of this. It was something more. Was it the bond, she wondered? The whole concept of such a mental link was still a difficult one for her to grasp in some ways. It certainly wasn't a typical aspect of a relationship that she was in any way experienced with. There were questions she wanted to ask – more about this type of connection she wanted to learn.
The Doctor had been noticeably silent on the subject, though. He hadn't even mentioned it at all the past few days. Not since he had confessed its existence in the first place. She knew it wasn't because it was of little importance to him. She suspected it was the opposite.
Whatever the issue, there was more here than he was letting on, and it was going to have to be addressed at some point if they were going to truly begin to move forward.
-:-:-:-
Late afternoon found the Doctor and Rose poolside at the resort near the guest village. The outdoor watery oasis shimmered in a flushed pink hue, reflecting the fuchsia sky. The two lounged beside the pool of fresh, glistening water as they enjoyed the complimentary refreshments offered them. The design of the enormous pool itself was a sight to behold, comprised of multiple level tiers, central islands lush with colorful native foliage, and crystal-clear waterfalls. Despite the engineering that went into the grand waterscape, it conveyed a natural feel, with organic lines and curves edged in indigenous white stone with a floor of smooth pebbles.
The area was crowded, but so vast that finding a private spot could easily be attained if so desired. The Doctor and Rose had not sought one of the more private lounging areas, though. They stayed more where the activity was, as they had throughout the day. Guests of various planetary origins passed by around them, the cornucopia of species reminding Rose of her first trip with the Doctor to Platform One. Meanwhile he was regaling her of tales of the planet Kar Charrat, where water was a form of sentient life. His stories were certainly never boring, she had to credit him that, even though it meant she might have to give seemingly-innocuous water a bit more cautious scrutiny from now on.
After the two of them had spent a little time relaxing and crowd watching, Rose decided it was time they try out the inviting water for themselves, assuming that the water was indeed just water and not a sentient life form, that is. Plus she felt a little out of place at the pool fully dressed and not in swim attire. She wanted to take advantage of the enticing water and unwind, feeling the warm sunlight washing over her skin. She wasn't half opposed to seeing the Doctor shed a few layers, either.
He had seemed a little reluctant at first, but Rose managed to coax the Doctor into agreeing to change and go for a swim.
They both went to respective pool huts to change, being told that they would find needed swimwear within. That was an elective decision. Apparently swimwear was optional, they were informed. Rose had then taken a second glance at some of the species around them and realized for the first time that some apparently were not clothed after all. But with body coverings ranging from scales to fur, she hadn't noticed.
Rose briefly entertained the thought of finding out what the Doctor's reaction would be if she did decide to strip down and swim completely starkers. That just might get his attention. Maybe a protective, jealous side would even come out. She could picture him hastily wrapping her in a towel and away from anyone's eyes but his, with a bit of a storm whirling in his gaze, directed at anyone who might dare to take visual advantage. Just envisioning the Doctor in that manner and imagining being able to elicit such a primal reaction made her toes curl. It was actually a very tempting thought, just to learn more about that potential side to him. But considering they were still trying to find their footing with each other, she decided to be a little more conservative for the time being. She would save the 'clothing optional' possibility for later…
Once inside one of the small white cabana-like structures, Rose was greeted by another interactive screen similar to the one in their suite. At her fingertips was an endless selection of choices for swimwear. She was scanned when entering, and an array of options for female bipedal species was displayed to her. She was able to further narrow down the styles by selecting human, 21st century Earth. Rose wondered what the Doctor might enjoy seeing her in most. Not that their relationship was all about the physical quality, by any means. Especially where the Doctor's complicated hot-and-cold nature was concerned. He wasn't necessarily the type to be turned on like the flipping of a switch by seeing a bit of skin, like some human males would be. He did appreciate her physical attributes, though. He had made that clear enough on a few notable occasions.
In the end Rose chose a simple, TARDIS-blue bikini (he might appreciate that choice just a tad more), and decided not to have any preconceived expectations. They were simply going to enjoy their time together, in whatever direction it took.
The Doctor was already waiting for her once she stepped back out. Rose would have been struck by the still-newness of seeing him so virtually bare if not for the fact that she had to stifle a laugh upon seeing his attire. When it came to choosing swimwear, she should have known what his selection was going to be. And considering their options seemed endless, it was not surprising that he'd been able to select brown with blue pinstriped swim trunks.
The Doctor took note of her barely-suppressed laughter a few seconds after taking a rather appreciative note of her appearance in general. A lingering sweep of his eyes told her he definitely approved, but his expression shifted to one of question when he registered the look of humor on her face.
He glanced down at himself quizzically, failing to see the amusement.
"What?" he queried.
Rose shook her head and attempted to school her features. "Nothing. It's just…well…those trunks!" She bit her lip as she grinned again, eyes twinkling with mirth.
"I selected bipedal, male, casual," he stated flatly, not seeing the humor. "You should have seen what I could have chosen. So what's wrong with this?" There was just a touch of insecurity in the question.
Her eyes softened, realizing how out of character it was for him just to shed the suit, yet he did it for her, while still keeping that piece of himself. "It's just very…you. Completely you." Rose stepped up to him and took his hand in hers. "And it's perfect," she added.
His uncertainty was replaced by his signature bravado as he clicked his tongue and winked. "That sums me up."
Rose laughed fondly as she tugged him towards the water's edge. They stood at the brim, and she was about to suggest they dive in on the count of three when the Doctor scooped her up without warning and tossed her in with a loud, ungraceful splash, limbs flailing. Rose surfaced a few seconds later, coughing up water. She slicked the hair out of her eyes and scowled up at him where he stood at the edge, still perfectly dry and grinning down at her cheekily.
"So, how's the temperature?" he asked with false innocence.
Rose lunged forward and grabbed him around the knees. He overbalanced and toppled into the water beside her.
"You tell me," she replied with a satisfied grin once he broke the surface.
This, of course, led to water war.
The two then seemed to reach a state of ease as they relaxed into this simple moment of playfulness, temporarily escaping other issues or concerns. They dove and raced and had splashing battles like a couple of kids. The Doctor impressed Rose by showing off his respiratory bypass, demonstrating how long he could hold his breath as he swam underneath the entire length of the sizable lower section of the pool. He wasn't even breathless by the time he reached her again.
Rose floated into his arms with ease and kissed the dimple on his grinning left cheek as his reward. She noticed his breathing did seem to increase just a fraction with the intimate gesture, superior respiratory system aside.
"Your respiratory bypass' reward," she proclaimed with a soft, relaxed smile.
He blinked, but then smiled back. "My respiratory bypass thanks you."
His hold around her tightened just a bit, and as her hands came to rest upon the slick skin of his chest, they were both reminded of the time not-so-long ago when they shared the pleasure of a private swim when they had been on Zobulan. Their relationship had yet to make its progressive leap at that point, but the powerful potential had been there, simmering beneath the surface. Rose had thought at the time that he might have even kissed her then, if not for having been interrupted.
Would he do so now? She realized that in the few moments of passion they'd shared up to this point, he had rarely been the one to initiate a kiss between them. She had been the one to take the action. Rose wanted that sign of sureness from him this time, and she was content to wait for it while here in his arms.
For a moment she was gratified just to re-acquaint herself with him in this way she had rarely seen, his pinstriped armor gone (from the waist up and knees down, at least). It would have been unbearable not to touch him like this, her caress unrestricted. And reticent or not, he was hers and she was going to.
Rose watched her own progression with rapt attention as she trailed the tips of her fingers in a leisurely path down his firm chest, through the damp smattering of hair, across his taut abdomen, grazing down the slight rippling of his defined rectus muscles, then over to his forearms, and up his biceps. Her hands finally came to rest atop his shoulders. She lifted her eyes to find his, chocolate irises sparkling back at her in the reflecting water, the effect mesmerizing.
His thumbs drew small circles on the sensitive flesh of her waist as he held her. A tiny movement, but she was aware of each flicker of his skin over hers. He just watched her, Rose's deep contemplation of this man who held her close evident by the intensity in her gaze.
"What are you thinking about?" he finally murmured, and it was a question of vulnerability, not certain where this was headed.
She knew he had expected her to take the lead and initiate more physical contact by now, just like in her mum's flat, and he no doubt would have allowed it if the current look in his eyes was an indication. But she didn't. She was simply holding his gaze with one of intense love, but making no further move.
Rose's reply chased away some of the uncertainty that his eyes had held. "I'm thinking that I don't have any regrets. Not one."
Her answer in that moment seemed to give him at least a measure of what he needed. His face tipped closer as he exhaled, long and deep. His damp forehead came to rest against hers, and they simply breathed together. Her open palms skimmed up to the base of his neck, then further up the back of his head. As her fingers traveled along his scalp, she felt the beginning flash of that arousing tingle. Oh, she had come to yearn for that sensation. It coursed through her body and shot straight down to her toes. This answered a question of her own. He was turned on by her. Finally.
"I can feel you," she whispered, her words now spoken mere centimeters from his lips.
"I can't…I can't mask it," he answered, voice raspy and low.
The admission first thrilled her. Until she realized his words were spoken as an apology.
That, Rose firmly decided, just would not do.
