Chapter Seven

Last Hope


MERLIN

Merlin was struggling to clean his tiny stab wound when Gaius returned from the royal feast. He had a basket on his arm. Merlin was only wearing his trousers, socks, and boots. He was so cold he was considering sleeping in his boots. Merlin became very self-conscious with his torso exposed. His shoulder blades, spine, and ribs were cast in an unflattering light in the glow of the fire.

"If you sit any closer, you'll catch on fire." Gaius sighed.

But, Merlin was still shivering. He might have forgotten how it felt to be warm. Gaius walked closer and Merlin removed the cloth from the wound.

Merlin turned to warm his hands, avoiding Gaius's gaze, "I fell unconscious in the royal tent earlier today. During the joust. Before I fell down, I made many objects fly from their posts. I didn't mean to but I was so out of control. A fork stabbed my back."

Gaius sat behind Merlin on another stool. He did not reply right away. Merlin could feel his disappointment and fear.

Gaius asked, "Had you not eaten since breakfast?"

Merlin gazed up at him, "Actually, I ate a bunch of bread before."

"Too much?"

"Piled up to my throat," Merlin confirmed sourly, gazing at the fire.

Gaius stitched the wound. Merlin was so numb with cold, he barely felt the sharpness of the needle. Just the dull tug of the thread through his pale-white skin. Gaius patted his shoulder after tying and cutting the thread. Merlin stood up so that Gaius could wrap a bandage about his tiny waist.

"Your magic is from the earth," Gaius said. "If the weather were not so lethal, I'd prescribe spending time outside. Connecting with nature."

Merlin gave a small smile at the thought. He missed picking medicinal herbs for Gaius. The smell of the trees, the wild flowers, the melodic brooks. Now several feet of snow blanket the kingdom.

"We'll have to make due till the snow melts." Gaius said briskly. "In the mean time, I shall write you up a strict diet regiment. In the morning, I'll tell Arthur you've taken ill. Will you stay in my chambers for a few days?"

"When can I serve Arthur again?" Merlin asked.

Gaius sighed, "If you make it to Sunday without a magical incident ... I will release you."

Merlin knew he had no other option. He was glad that Gaius would lie to keep his secret safe. Gaius loved Merlin like he would his own child but he watched Arthur grow up. It can't be easy to lie to Arthur all the time, harboring a sorcerer in magic-phobic Camelot. Merlin gazed around the chambers, his home feeling more like a prison cell by his predicament.

"This has been one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made." Merlin acknowledged softly. "... And I was in complete control of it."

"You didn't want help." Gaius said.

Merlin bowed his head, "I didn't believe I needed it."

A tear slipped down his sunken cheek. Gaius shushed him and embraced his ward.


ARTHUR

Arthur was having a nightmare. He twitched restlessly in bed, making Gwen frown but she did not wake up. In this nightmare, his dream-self awoke with a start. Gaius was inside the king's chambers.

"Merlin passed away in his sleep, Sire." said Gaius, his eyes glassy with tears.

Arthur's knights materialized in the chamber, all sobbing at the news. Gwen was crying and holding her brother, comforting each other. Arthur felt alone, to blame.

Merlin's mother, Hunith, appeared at Arthur's bedside, "You failed my son! I sent him here so that he would be safe! What kind of a king are you? Why didn't you save him?! My son!"

Arthur awoke for real, sitting up in bed and spluttering nonsensically. He was sweating through his clothes which was a steep feat as the castle was so cold due to the winter. When he was sure it had all been nothing more than a dream, he groaned and hid his face in his hands. The thought of Merlin dying made Arthur so nauseous he might vomit over the side of the bed. Gwen eased awake at the sound of his distress.

"... Arthur?" she moaned groggily, barely awake.

He rubbed his face, "Just a nightmare, Guinevere. Go back to sleep, my love."

"It's past 7 o'clock. It's time to wake up anyways. Do you want to share your dream with me -?" She was interrupted by a knock at the door.

Arthur jolted at the sound of it then chuckled at himself for Gwen's benefit. He stopped laughing when Gaius entered with Gwen's maid and a manservant who was not Merlin: George.

"Gaius?" he croaked, fearing his nightmare was about to come true.

"I'm sorry to make such an early visit but Merlin has taken ill. He is contagious so he will need a few days off from work." Gaius told them. "He apologizes for any inconvenience this may cause and promises to be back as soon as he's better."

Merlin has been losing weight for two months and has been spending all that time with Arthur. If Merlin were so contagious, the king ought to have been stricken too. But, Arthur was a healthy 180 pounds for his height. Taut with powerful muscles perfect for wearing hefty metal armor in combat. Merlin and Arthur were often in close proximity to each other.

Merlin dressed, fed, and cleaned for the king daily. Arthur didn't like the feeling that Gaius could be wrong. He had thought he would feel relieved that Merlin was taking time off to get better. Now that it had happened, he just worried more.

"When will he be alright, Gaius?" asked Gwen.

"A ... rare parasite needs to be removed, your Grace." He replied to Gwen; He turned to Arthur, "It's the cause of why he dropped in weight so dramatically, Sire. Lack of appetite." He said to the pair of them, "Yes, I expect a full recovery."

Arthur found his voice, "A parasite?"

"Yes, Sire." Gaius replied.

Arthur left his bed, "Merlin has plenty of an appetite. He ravaged a mutton chop not two days ago like a starving hound." He moved closer to Gaius, "And you claimed he could eat twice as much as my knights that same night."

Gaius glanced at Gwen as though for help.

Arthur realized what he was accusing Gaius of, "I'm sorry, Gaius. I just want you to be certain this is all that's wrong with Merlin."

"I am completely and utterly certain of it, my king. I only regret Merlin was not diagnosed sooner." Gaius bowed apologetically, "I'll get out of your way so that you can get on with your holiday."

Arthur watched Gaius leave, feeling conflicted. But, he was not a physician and even a king can't argue with one.


MERLIN

With Gaius's lie given, Merlin had four days to look forward to confined to the chambers. He needed outlets to entertain him while in quarantine. Gaius brought him a stack of books to read, an old backgammon set, and a newer alquerque board. The old physician had to make his rounds in the lower town. But kept Merlin company otherwise.

Watching him like a hawk, ensuring he cleaned off every plate. After Merlin's bad reactions to overeating, Gaius forced him to start off slowly. This was difficult as Merlin had hoped for a quick fix.

"The descent is often easier than the climb," Gaius said.

On parchment, it seemed quite simple. For the first two days, Merlin ate a 1/2 cup of watery oatmeal for breakfast, chicken with beans for dinner, and vegetable chicken soup for supper. He ate fruits for snacks in between. Merlin had forgotten how to eat regular meals like this. He had neglected himself so badly.

Though he had not seen a change in his weight yet, his bandage hardly feeling tight by the end of the day, there were other signs that he was improving. The bruise on his jaw was fading and the cut on his lip was sealing. He cleaned his tiny stab wound regularly and it was starting to scab over, too. He felt good ... till he got hungrier. After managing those two days without a hitch, Gaius expanded his diet.

Merlin's belly was ready, feeling hungrier now that it was getting regular meals. His heartburn was gone. But he had some apprehension about pushing his limit, fearing his magic would explode out of control again. For the last two days, Merlin ate bread with jam for breakfast, half a ham and cheese sandwich for dinner, and chicken vegetable soup with a goblet of milk and a side salad for dinner. He still at his fruit snacks and Gaius added one more before bed.

He felt a strain on his bandage but his magic remained quiet. The day had arrived to return to work.

Checking his reflection in the mirror, Merlin thought he might look better. It may be a fool's hope. His wounds weren't as noticeable at least. Gaius gave the OK to remove the bandage. Removing the stitches was more painful than Merlin anticipated after getting them.

But, he reveled in the pain. His body was getting warmer and he was glad he could feel the pain. It didn't take long and Merlin did not let a note of complaint escape his lips. He hoped that Arthur would see an improvement in his appearance. For breakfast that day, Merlin ate 2 slices of bread with butter, one egg, 1/4 cup of raisins, and downed it with juice.

He was allowed to pack cheese with crackers for his in-between snack.

"Take it easy with your tasks now. And tell Arthur that I need you to return to my chambers during dinner. After you serve him, of course." Gaius ordered. "On the menu for your dinner is a ham and egg sandwich, a bowl of vegetables, and ale."

"Finally, variety." Merlin joked. Then he smiled down at Gaius, "Thank you for saving me, Gaius."

"Knock wood! We've still got a road to cover," Gaius replied, but he grinned up at Merlin. "Remember, no magic. I'll let you practice in a week or so ... under close supervision."

Merlin dipped to hug Gaius, squeezing him with renewing strength and patting him on the back. Unfortunately, Gaius did the same back. Merlin was wincing after he closed the door. He was wearing his coat but not so many layers of shirts this time. He could see a light flickering at the end of this tunnel.


ARTHUR

"Rise and shine!" came Merlin's voice energetically.

Arthur thought he might be dreaming again. But, there was Merlin throwing apart the curtains. Arthur shared a look of disbelief with Gwen, sort of checking that she was seeing the same Merlin he was seeing. Their breakfast was hot and ready on their table. Their clothes were ready to be worn. It was almost like normal.

Gwen beamed at him, "Merlin! It's so good to see you. Gaius had us worried."

Merlin grinned down at her, "I'm not contagious anymore. I'm good as new, Your Grace." He showed her a pouch tied to his belt, "I have to eat snacks to keep up my strength, though. But, I'm back."

The last three words were obviously for the king. If he weren't still so emaciated, Arthur would have believed those words more. But, Merlin was behaving more cheerfully than he had the last time Arthur saw him. The bruise was still there on his sharp jaw. Gwen left to be dressed by her maids. She would return to eat breakfast with Arthur.

"How are you feeling?" Arthur asked Merlin once they were in private. "Tell me the truth."

Merlin lifted up his shirt just high enough to show the wound, grinning, "Gaius removed the parasite."

He quickly let the shirt drop so Arthur had barely a few seconds to see his jutting spine.

Arthur was stubborn, "That's not an answer."

Merlin chuckled uneasily, fixing his shirt, "You want to talk about my feelings, Arthur?"

Arthur rolled his eyes, "When you put it like that, Merlin, it makes it sound like I -"

"Care." Merlin finished his sentence.

Arthur paused and they stared for too long for a mere manservant and a king. But, Merlin was not a mere manservant. He was Arthur's closest friend.

"You'd have to be even more of a fool than you look to think that I don't after all these years." Arthur admitted.

The corners of Merlin's lips twitched, "I'm not quite at full strength yet, Arthur. But Gaius has me on the path to it." He carried to the bed the set of clothes to dress Arthur in. "By the way, he needs me to stop by his chambers during your dinner. For a checkup. Do you mind?"

Arthur smirked and lied, "I got used to your absence the last four days. I think I'll manage another hour."

He could tell by Merlin's chuckle that he did not believe that Arthur did not miss him. He took the pile of clothes behind his ornate changing screen. He did not need his chainmail today. Even if he did, he would have changed the schedule for Merlin's sake.

"Gaius wants me to take it easy for a while. Recovery and all that, you know." Merlin added after some silence.

Arthur scoffed, "I was hoping I'd seen the back of George for a while."

"I'm sorry, Arthur." Merlin chuckled. "I'll do everything I can."

"You tell me when you have to stop." Arthur laid a hand on Merlin's shoulder, "I won't judge." Merlin bowed his head and Arthur patted that shoulder, "I'm glad that you're getting better."

Merlin looked obviously relieved to hear him say that. Like he got some satisfaction from it. Arthur would let Merlin do everything he had to in order to heal. He owed Merlin that after years of putting up with the king.