Disclaimer: I do not over the Plum-verse!
A/N: First off… let me thank JerseySue for addressing Jackie's comment. I did mean to address that the last time I put up a chapter but I forgot. And I had a response prepared but now I'm just too tired to care.
... And now for the apology. I am sorry this took me so long. I have had absolutely zero time with any kind of proper brain functionality to even think about writing this story. But here it is. Enjoy...
Pregnant...?
Arrow wasn't back yet and it was getting pretty dark. Maybe I should attempt to go next door and ask the neighbor to use their phone but I'm pretty sure they've heard me screaming the night before and they might think it's some kind of domestic dispute. If they didn't helped me then they probably won't help me now. I can't wait a little while longer.
There was a knock on the door. I had the deadbolt on so Arrow couldn't get in. But I suspected that a deadbolt couldn't stop him, maybe I was wrong. I got up slowly and walked to the door, words already forming in my mouth.
"Finally, where have you been?" I yanked the door open. I saw the low held glock and recognized the hand at once. Just to make sure I looked up and saw Ranger standing there looking baffled. "Hey." I greeted, trying to look as casual as possible.
Just then I heard the loud crack that accompanied a door being kicked in. I looked back to see Morelli and Tank bust through the door. I looked back at Ranger and then past him. Hal was standing there with a big smile on his face. Probably glad to see me alive. Apparently Ranger gets scary when I'm in danger.
"Steph." Morelli was at my side, hugging me in a moment. Then he took a step back and looked angry. "What the hell is going on?" He sounded angry too.
A small shiver passed up my spine as Ranger placed his hand at the small of my back and pushed me in as he and Hal and let themselves in.
"Where's the guy who kidnapped you?" Tank asked from behind Morelli.
"Arrow is out. Don't know where he is but he took my car. This is one of Diesel's ridiculous plans."
"Plan for what?" Ranger asked. He was being very quiet, which was scarier than usual. I had the feeling he wanted to kill Arrow.
"I'm not sure." I answered hesitantly. I couldn't exactly explain he had a big plan to help me with my man problem. I looked at Ranger to make sure he hadn't picked up anything from my face or my mind. He hadn't, he just looks angry.
"Don't lie." We all turned to the couch. Diesel was sitting there feet on the coffee table, remote in hand ready to watch some TV. "You know exactly what this is about." He grinned at me. "This is about the little-" I ran over to him and covered up his mouth with my hand.
"I swear to god if you mention anything about my man problem I will see to your accidental death personally." I whispered to him. I could tell by his eyes that he was smiling behind my hand.
"We were trying to see which of you would make it first to the big rescue." We all turned again back in the direction of the front door. Standing there was Arrow. "I guess this counts as a draw." Our eyes followed him as he walked around slowly and plopped down on the other end of the couch.
"What does that even mean?" Morelli asked.
"Diesel wanted to help Stephanie finally figure out who her man should be." There was a long moment of silence.
Tank cleared his throat. "We'll be outside." He grabbed Hal by the shoulder and steered him out the front door.
Cowards! Abandoning me to this very embarrassing situation. Then again, good thing they left. Though I was pretty sure it was more for Ranger than anything else. Or rather for the fear of Ranger.
"Does someone want to explain why Stephanie was kidnapped?" It was Ranger who spoke and we could all tell he was angry.
"It wasn't exactly kidnapping. More like borrowing. She came voluntarily." Diesel offered.
"I did not!"
"You stayed voluntarily." He smiled a crooked smile at me, which only pissed me off.
I saw the muscles around Ranger's mouth go tight. I thought better of arguing this one point. I looked at Morelli and noticed he was being amused by the entire exchange. Morelli was a nice guy, over the years he had relaxed a bit about the entire Stephanie in constant danger thing. I was pretty sure he was now just relieved to see that I was safe and finding this entire situation kind of amusing.
While I was watching Ranger's and Morelli's reactions, Diesel and Arrow were having a sort of quiet conversation.
"I thought you were good at matching people." Diesel was saying.
"I am. But they're both pretty good fits for her." I saw Arrow's eyes slide over us. "Usually moments like this make things clearer but... it's still a difficult call to make."
"Do you know how hard I worked to make this more exciting?" More exciting what does he mean?
"Stop exaggerating. You could do that in your sleep." Arrow answered.
"What do you mean more exciting? What can you do in your sleep."
Diesel was already chuckling to himself. "We needed it to be more exciting so we spread a rumor you're pregnant."
"It's not a rumor! I am pregnant!" I could feel my voice rise up an octave.
"Did you forget to tell her?" Diesel dropped his voice to ask Arrow.
"Maybe, she doesn't stop talking long enough for me to get a word in. It's kind of annoying you know."
"I know what you mean." Diesel agreed.
"Excuse me?"
"Relax sweetheart!"
"Do you really think it's the time for you to tell me to relax?" I need to calm down. Deep breathe. "What exactly do you know about my pregnancy?"
"We faked it." Diesel stated matter-of-fact.
"You faked it?" My voice dropped back down to it's normal range and went kind of quiet.
"We thought we need to add a little pressure." Diesel replied.
I had a momentary flash back to when Hal asked if I wanted to work out and I brushed it off because I thought I was pregnant. Was I just getting fat?!? Mental head slap! I was panicking over the wrong thing. "So you mean I'm not pregnant?"
"Nope." Diesel answered.
I wondered for a moment if this is happy news. Good thing I never told my mother. But now I'm just angry. Joe must have seen my nerves snap because he stepped in.
"I think we all need to take a breath." He said and pushed me out to the broken back door. He took me outside and told me to breathe. He put a calming hand on my shoulder. "Are you alright?"
"Yeah." I answered him. "They just piss me off!"
He then pulled me into a hug and patted my back. It was kind of nice.
"We can go in now." I told him after a moment and we stepped back in.
Ranger was on his cell looking very frustrated. His brows were furrowed and the muscles around his mouth were tight. He was mostly doing the listening and then he finally said yes sir and hung up. He looked defeated.
I couldn't help my curiosity. "What was that?" I asked Ranger.
Arrow answered before Ranger could unclench his muscles to speak.
"That was the General telling Ranger that he can't touch me." Arrow smiled mischievously. He then shifted his eyes to Joe. "That means you too. You can't arrest me." It almost felt like he was saying nani-nani boo-boo.
Joe's cell rang. He looked at the read out and immediately answered. "Yes Captain..." He dropped his voice to answer. "You are joking right?... We are going to let this guy get away with it.... Alright.... Yes sir." He sighed as he hung up. Joe's captain probably told him the same thing that Ranger's general told him. Not that it mattered, I rather doubt a jail cell could have held either Diesel or Arrow.
As Joe and Ranger stared at each other knowing the contents of their relative conversation I was looking at Diesel and the smirking Arrow and then I wasn't. I blinked to make sure my brain was working. But that didn't help, they had still disappeared, like they hadn't even been there. Except the TV was still on and there were indentations on the couch where they were sitting, but that was fading fast.
"Ranger. Joe." But I didn't need to call their attention, they were staring at the same empty space.
Great! Now I was stuck with my supposed man problem, a falsified pregnancy and a kidnapping... my kidnapping! It was like the whole funeral home thing again, people are just not going to forget this one. Worse yet, I don't really have an explanation for this one.
A/N: And that is it, feel free to boo me now. I ended it in true Janet Evanovich ambiguity. And I wasn't expecting the Joe-Ranger role reversal but there it is... it just happened. And rereading it, what I thought was Joe being a really good friend may come off a little Cupcake friendly... let me know what you think.
