Chapter 7 – A Long Time Coming

Hurtful words were said:

"Have it your way. If you are so fond of your nightmares and the terror that I keep hear in your voice after I woke you up, then go ahead. Don't mind your brother who is only concerned for your wellbeing, as it seems the rest of the family gave up on a long time ago. I don't care if you either scream through the whole night. No, I don't at all." - Ichigo

"Don't bother! You already said enough. I get it. You are good, I am bad. But, you see, I don't care about the people downstairs. I don't care about anyone. The only one I care about is you. But even I have my limits just as you have obviously reached yours." - Harry

And decisions made:

"I sleep on the couch tonight." Harry stood up. He couldn't take the hurtful words his brother was throwing at him anymore.


Never has he imagined to be like this. He had always assumed that his life would be boring, would be normal.

If he was honest with himself he had never been normal, be it by definition of his relatives or himself.

Normal was a word he would never associate with himself. Normal was the next door neighbours who was struggling with their marriage and paying the mortgage on the house. Normal was the student next to him in class that tried desperately to get the attention of his crush. Normal was the postman, the doctor, the mother, father, and his brother. Normal was someone else. Normal was NEVER Harry Potter.

He hated that word.

He craved it the more he thought about it. He was not normal. His magic was not normal. The word magic is not normal. Special, extraordinary (never just ordinary), supernatural, standing out of the mass, noticed from everyone.

Never had he thought he could think of himself and these words in one sentence. He had faults en mass. He was closed up, an introvert, self-centred, self-pitying and ignorant.

He was no idiot. Harry knew he had hurt his brother. Incredibly so, but that hadn't held him back saying those words to him. To be honest he didn't regret it, only by how they had come out.

He knew that Ichigo had been right, that he should see someone because of his problems, but refused to. He knew no one could really understand his situation. All his life he could feel something. Not his feelings per se. That something was deep within him. It was that feeling he had gotten in his dream. When he was staring at the candle. The slow burning candle that shined like a star but was barely burning. The darkness seemed to suppress its real shine and strength but what had caused it, he couldn't be sure.

Really? Was he honestly nor sure what that flicker of light represented? He thought he knew but was too afraid to admit it to himself.

This side of him was too big and scary for him, to even start to think about thinking it.

He turned to his side on the sofa, content to let his eyes wander about the furniture of the living room and thinking about nothing at all, only staring into the knight, and occasionally watch the shadows cast through the window.

When he felt that his body was starting to feel tired, a sudden irritation in the back of his mind woke him up. He sat up, letting his feet touch the ground. His stomach dropped and he had difficulty breathing. He realized his heart was beating too fast for him to take in the air he needed. What was happening? He touched his chest slowly, fearing his heart could break out of it any second now. He sat there trying to regulate his breathing by sitting completely still. He thought about calling Ichigo, his brother would, even if angry and disappointed in him, help him or at least try to.

Whatever was happening to his body came out of nowhere. He had not felt like this since the day his mother died. When he looked at the clock beside the TV, he saw it was way past two o'clock in the morning. His heart stopped beating out of control and he sighed a breath of relief, sinking his head down to his knees, taking deep breaths and closing his eyes. Concentrating on his heartbeat he let his mind wander.

If that had gone any further, his brother or any other family member would have found him dead in the morning, he was sure of it. No one would have heard him suffocating. He would have been all alone in his death.

A scary thought he came to realize. He wouldn't have minded it. And that made him look at himself maybe for the first time since … ever. Harry let out a disbelieving laugh. Well more a scoff or a snort through the nose, but a laugh none the less. When had been the last time he had smiled?

Harry opened his eyes and sat up properly, eyes facing the ground and moving to the ceiling as he leaned back to the headrest of the couch he had tried to sleep on. A sudden wave of self-hatred and guilt washed over him as he saw himself through a second pair of eyes and his behaviour toward his family and worst of all towards Ichigo. He thought about going back to his room and talk to him. Tell him he had realized…

What had he realized? Harry thought about it. It was not what he realized what his family had gone through, but more how he had behaved towards them. Still self-centred as ever he thought about himself. He realized how his behaviour has affected him and not how his behaviour had affected them. A tear escaped at that thought. The guilt that he had hurt them in any way overcame him again and this time it made him nauseous. He rubbed his belly to stave of the nausea. He sat like that for a moment and decided, his nausea still strong, that maybe a glass of water would help. So he walked into the kitchen, not noticing his actions at all, and poured himself a glass. He sat the empty glass in the sink and walked out into the garden to catch some cool air. While the water had helped he still felt a bit sick.

Harry didn't want to think about his actions at the moment and just let the moment take him. He stood there in the garden, gazing into the sky and breathing the air.

Meow

At the sound he turned his head, watching the black cat that had kept him company sometimes, sit on the wall surrounding the garden. It sat there, looking back at him with curious eyes. Harry sat down at the small step leading into the house and leaned against the door behind him. Not really caring if the cat was still staring at him, as he kept looking at the sky, trying to find a constellation familiar to him. He felt more than heard the cat moving along the edge of the wall as it finally decided to come to him. He stretched out his legs and as it drew closer, Harry lifted a hand and reached out to it without even seeing it, knowing it would be by his thighs, begging with its stare to be petted on the head.

As the hours grew even later and night changed into dawn, he stood up, letting his black-haired companion know that he was leaving and stepped back into the house. He gathered his things, went upstairs to his room, let his thing fall silently on his bed and then looked at Ichigo.

Not thinking about his actions he lifted blanked and lied next to him. Harry watched him for a few short second before he left his arm fall on the chest of his brother, feeling the heartbeat underneath his chest. He drew so small circles with his index finger and watched it move in the shirt of his brother. Ichigo turned and drew his arm around Harry, slightly surprising him with the sudden action but not minding it at all. It had been too long being embraced in the arms of his brother. Just being in the arms of Ichigo and feeling the warmth coming off his body, as if giving of life energy. He had always felt strangely revitalized after a hug from his brother. He couldn't remember when the last on had been. Maybe that is why he felt so out of breath downstairs or reacted in that way towards him. No human interaction besides the cat. Maybe that was why he had felt so breathless. He had had a glimpse of his possible short future.

He would have gone on alone, the cat a quiet companion beside him, not judging or trying to fix him. For the short hours downstairs he had been utterly alone. And he was scared of it, so much that he had lost his breath, almost ending it.

He did not want to be alone.

Not if there was someone like Ichigo in his life.

A tear fell.

He closed his eyes and tried to feel the warmth of Ichigo instead of the sudden cold that shock his soul so deep down that he had no words for it except: alone.

"I'm sorry, Ichigo." Forgive me. I'll try to get better.

"Of course."

He lifted his head looking into sleepy hazel eyes.

"You know you woke me up since you came into the bedroom. Your really have to work on your stealth skill."

"I know."

Silence. They were laying side by side, both looking at the ceiling.

"Did you mean it?"

"I did."

A moment passed Ichigo took a deep breath, as if dispelling some of the stress he had been feeling all this time.

"I will try to get better."

"That is good to hear."

Ichigo closed his eyes, waiting for the response. He would not be starting to judge now.

"I… "Ichigo hear how Harry struggled with what he wanted to tell him. He head him breathe a little quicker and trying to swallow whatever knot had built up in his throat.

"I don't want to go to a therapist, but…. I'd rather talk with someone I thrust."

"And who would that be?"

"You."

And so Harry told him of what he believed he could do.


"Ever thought of letting the time move faster, so this boring day could finally end." Ichigo said at lunchtime when they were sitting on the roof and contemplaiting on skipping the rest of the classes.

"Not really but a tempting thought right now."

"Heh, I bet. But do you think you could do it?"

"Fast-forward time?"

"Yeah."

"I don't think so. Would it even make a difference if I could?"

"Nah, not really."

"Even if, I wouldn't want to go forward. I'd rather go backwards."

Ichigo was quiet when he said that. They didn't talk for the rest of the day, both of them too deep in their thoughts.

As they prepared for bed and laid down, Harry laid down beside Ichigo. Ichigo's only reaction was to make space for him and got comfortable as they tried to sleep.

"Goodnight Ichigo."

"Goodnight Harry."


A/N:

Weeeelllllll... Yeah.

Honestly I wrote that chapter a cupple of months ago but I had nowhere to go anyfurther as I am too distracted with RL. With all of you out there who have favorited and started to follow this story, I need your help. I am runnign out of ideas or better I don't have the time or inspiration to come up with some of them. Please leave me a message and I'll consider your idea. Honestly I think i wrote myself into a corner.

At least Harry and Ichigo are on better terms than in the last chapter and it even ended on a happier note than all the previous chapters did. As usual please leave a review and write me a pn if you've got any ideas for the future fo this story.

Also I am looking for a beta to bounce my ideas back and forth and read over my work and correct my grammar mistakes.

I'll wirte the next chapter up as soon as I can but that could also be a long time before it will be uploaded here.

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