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Dean paced the hotel room, waiting for Madison to wake up. Sam sat on Madison's bed, continuing to wipe her sweaty brow.
"Have you decided how were gonna handle things when she waked up?" Sam asked.
"Umm…kinda. We're gonna tell her we know she does drugs and we're gonna help her stop."
"Dean, that sounds great, but when she finds out, she's gonna flip. I mean, she's addicted to a drug, and god only knows what it is. A friend of mine from Stanford had a brother who was a heroine addict. The withdraw almost killed him and we didn't talk to his family for a year." Sam turned back to Madison, "I don't think I could handle that…"
"I know Sam, me too. We're just gonna tell we love her and she needs to stop. We'll help her every step of the way."
"Just remember Dean, she's probably gonna say some terrible things, but it's just the drugs. Her body has become dependant on this, its not going to be easy at all."
"Sam, did your friend say withdraw hurt?" Dean looked uncertain. He didn't want to cause his sister any more pain then she had already experienced in her short life.
"Yea, it's painful. Headaches, backaches, cramping, nausea, muscle pain, vomiting, cold flashes, and in the long run could start severe depression. I mean not every person experiences the same thing."
Dean continued his pacing, until he heard a soft whimper from the bed. He ran to the bed and took Madison's other hand. Sam had grabbed the other.
"Hey baby, open your eyes."
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Shit, was my first thought. Everything was so loud and bright. I felt my brothers holding my hands, coaxing me out of the comfortable darkness.
"Hey boys," I said cracking my eyes just enough to see my brothers. They were both beaming at me, and I smiled back. "Well that sucked."
Dean helped me sit up while Sam got me a glass of water and some Advil. I would have preferred some vodka, but beggars can't be choosers. We all sat in silence and I knew that they knew. My first thought was to be honest and tell them, but the drugs told me to lie. I was torn between the two, but the hunger for drugs clouded my better judgment.
"Mad, what happened in the bathroom?" Sam finally asked.
"I don't know. I went to the bathroom, then just passed out." I got up and walked away from them. I grabbed my purse and attempted to make my way to the bathroom. I was already feeling the nagging pull.
Both Dean and Sam jumped up and blocked my way to the bathroom. "Ha ha guys move. I gotta pee." I tried to move around them but they kept moving in front of me.
"Guys what the hell?"
"Do you really have to go to the bathroom or do you need another hit?" Sam asked calmly.
"What are you talking about? I have to go to the bathroom. And take a hit of what?"
"Madison, you have been making nothing but excuses to go to the bathroom, and always with your bag or your purse. When we left the Johnson's, you asked for his stash. And today, you almost OD'd. Listen Dean and I want to help you, you just have to let us."
Sam and Dean's eyes were teary and I knew they wanted to help me. Hell, I wanted their help, but I couldn't bare facing life without the drugs. They were a coping mechanism, an escape, a dependency.
Most people had family to depend on, and for two years, I only had drugs to depend on. I knew what would happen once I snorted cocaine. I could depend on that. But now, I had two people I could lean on. But still, my mind raced, trying to find a way to get out of this mess.
"Your crazy, both of you," I hadn't realized it, but my voiced raised in desperation.
"If you have nothing to hide, empty your purse," Dean said.
I was shocked when Dean was the one who said this. He had said nothing during the interrogation so far so I figured I could use that to my advantage.
I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to lie anymore. I wanted to stop but I couldn't. I put my head down and took the drugs out of my purse. I placed them on the table, still eyeing them hungrily. Sam went to grab my drugs, but I grabbed his arm and pushed it back.
"Don't touch it," I hissed.
Jesus were did that come from!
I began to pace back and forth, rubbing my hands up and down my jeans. My mind didn't want them but my body needed it, went crazy for it.
"Madison, were is the rest?" Dean asked quietly.
Don't tell him, Don't do it, my body screamed. The tug of war that raged inside was incomprehensible.
"Umm. I uh… in my bag, the left pocket."
Dean made his way to my bag, and I had to stop myself from tackling him right there. He retrieved my stash and placed it on the table.
"Ok Madison, you have to make a choice. We can help you if you let us. Do you want us to?" Sam pleaded.
God, what do I do?
I continued to pace, unsure of what I wanted. I knew I had to stop, because I knew it would kill me someday.
But to finally stop…
"Ok."
Dean and Sam looked at each other. "Ok what?" Dean asked.
"I wanna stop, I have too," I couldn't believe I just said that.
I sat on my bed, looking at my hands, tears rolling down my face.
"God you have no idea how much I want it."
Dean sat on my right and Sam sat on my left. "Listen, this is gonna be tough, but we'll be here, every step of the way," Dean said and I only I nodded.
"Maddie, what are you on? When did you start?" Dean asked
"It was two years ago, I was fifteen. It was after Mr. Johnson …Well, I was in a lot of pain, and I couldn't handle it. I wanted the pain to stop. I saw the lines of cocaine on the coffee table …and I just did it. And I've been doing it ever since. It was the only thing I could depend on..."
"Well now it isn't," Dean said and he kissed my hand. I got up off the bed and started pacing, they sharing and caring moment ruined by my growing hunger.
"It's not that easy!" I yelled. "You both think you can waltz in here and change me? I'm damaged goods, I don't deserve they way you both treat me. I'm a drug addict, your little sister !Don't you understand that? You can't fix things that are already broken! I guess John Winchester is glad he got rid of me when he did… The Johnson's' had it right all long, I'm useless! It's all my fault and it always has been! I don't know if I can do this…I can't!" I sobbed, collapsing in front of the TV.
Both Dean and Sam got off the bed and looked at me, both visibly upset at my outburst.
"Baby, none of this is your fault! You hear me? You are not damaged goods or useless. We don't care what you have done in the past because all that matters is who you choose to be now! We love you Madison Winchester and we will get you through this, even if you can't see yourself doing it. We will be strong enough for you. Look at me baby!" Dean said, cupping my face in both of his hands.
"We will never leave you, ever. And I am sorry, so sorry you had such a hard life. But Sam and I, were here now, and you're gonna have to do a hell of a lot worse to get rid of us," He wiped my tears off my cheeks and kissed my forehead.
"You really love me?" I whispered.
"More than anything in the world," Sam said.
I pulled them both into a hug and we sat there for a while. I was the first on to stir from the boys.
"I hate to break our little lifetime movie up but I stink. I'm going to shower," I said and left them to shower.
----------------------------------------------
I stepped into the shower, and I smiled. They love me. I knew what was coming up would suck royally but I had my brothers with me and they would help me.
When I got out of the shower, the boys had removed the drugs from the table and Sam had made me soup.
"I hope you like soup, it'll keep your strength up," Sam said.
I could already feel the desperate need start to grip my body. I made my way to the table, surprised on how unsteady I was on my feet. I reached a shaky hand towards the spoon and began to eat.
Less than five minutes later, I was throwing it back up. Dean was there to help me up and guided me back to bed. I felt weak, nauseous, and pain erupted in my body.
"Oh god," I groaned. I couldn't get comfortable, my body ached. I curled into the fetal position and hid my face in the bed.
"What can we do Mad?" Sam asked rubbing my back.
"You could give me my damn drugs back!" I barked. I couldn't even control what was going on. I had never become so desperate for something in my entire life.
"I can't do this!" I cried over and over hoping they would answer my pleas. "I need it, please!"
Minutes felt like hours and nothing I could do eased my pain. I was exhausted, but couldn't sleep, my body ached and my head felt like it would explode. The only thing that got me through were my brothers. They sat next to be, wiping my sweat and giving words of encouragement.
"Pleassssse, Deaaaan, please I, I –I- I can't do this anymore," I cried, I had reached my end. I felt like I was going crazy. My skin felt like it was crawling with bugs, and I scratched my arms and face mercilessly.
"Stop, stop baby," Sam said has he pulled my arms back
"Jjjjust letttt me takkkke one moorrre hit," I pleaded, willing to do anything at this point to get my fix.
"Madison your doing so good! You don't need this. You think you do but you don't! You're better and stronger than you think you are! You have been through more than I have seen any person endure and you're a better person for it. You're a Winchester, and we never give up," Dean said, holding my shaking body to his chest rocking me back and forth.
"Tthhhank yooouuu ffoor not giving uppp on me," I whispered, trying to pull myself back together. But it would be a long night...
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