Guys you are all amazing! It took me 2 years to work up the courage to post on this site because I was worried about getting hate but the response has been unbelievable and I really do appreciate it.
Thanks so much to all of you for keeping me going and keeping me motivated.
And yeah, Samcedes finally start to look like a couple in the final episode. Go figure!
"Oh my god Cedes. I am soo sorry. You know that if you get pregnant I'll stand by you. Like, forever!" All she did was continue to stare at him wide eyed, her lips moving but no sound coming out as he continued, "You do know that, right?"
Awkward didn't begin to describe the atmosphere.
Sam finally managed to curb his word vomit and Mercedes just kept staring at him wordlessly, making him fight the urge to start up again.
Finally she pointed to her purse. He grabbed it from where it had been unceremoniously dropped and she rooted around in it for a second before pulling out a small packet of Kleenex. She silently handed him one to clean himself up before using another to wipe up the fluid which was starting to run down between her legs.
Sam felt awful as he straightened himself up. He reached towards her but she slapped his hand away, finally meeting his eyes. "What you just said-"
"Mercedes. It's all my fault. I swear I have never forgotten to use a condom before today! I don't know what happened- I mean I do know what happened but-"
She shook her head and refused to meet his eyes again. "I can't let you take all of the responsibility. I noticed and I could have stopped you but I didn't."
What the-
"Don't stare at me like that Sam! I wasn't trying to trap you. I'm on the pill." She smiled bitterly and let out an ironic chuckle. "As soon as my mom found out I was going on my first date with Shane she marched me to the doctor. She says if I ever got pregnant my dad would kill me first then her second, and she's decided that she's far too young to die."
Sam released an audible sigh of relief and she looked up at him unhappily. "So I guess that lets you off the hook. Besides-" she attempted to scrub at a stain on her dress which only resulted in making it worse. "-you pulled out before it all- shit I look like Monica Lewinksi! This dress is ruined!"
Sam tried to resist but he couldn't help the Bill Clinton impression that burst out of his mouth "I did not have sexual rela-"
The look she shot him was pure hate. "Bad timing Sam. Very bad timing!"
He hung his head. He hadn't been trying to make light of the situation. It's just that whenever he felt out of his depth he tended to hide behind his impressions. Usually it just made him look like a dork but right now it was making him look like a jerk and he didn't mean it. "I'm sorry Cedes, it just came out-"
"I know. I just- I just can't deal with that right now! Can't we just talk properly? Usually when we tried to talk it just ended up as sex, but now we've already got that part over and done with we might actually end up getting somewhere!"
"What do you want to talk about?"
"This hot mess that is us!"
"It doesn't have to be a mess!"
"I know. But it is. And it's not healthy because there's something about you that keeps me coming back even though I know that you're just going to treat me like shit!"
"I wouldn't!"
"You did, you are and you will!"
Sam frustratedly ran his fingers through his hair. "You're not being fair!"
"You weren't being fair with what you said to Shane. He may have taken it innocently but I know that you had a malicious intent and I'm not afraid to call you out on it!"
"Okay so maybe I can't stand the guy. Can you blame me?"
"Whatever we had was gone before you left. You can't expect to just pitch back up all of a sudden and carry on where we left off. It's not like I've sat around doing nothing but pine over you since you've been gone."
"No you haven't. You've been busy practising your new skills with your new boyfriend."
"Like you weren't sleeping with girls in Kentucky!"
"I didn't know I was coming back!"
"And neither did I!"
"But you didn't waste any time!"
"Neither did you!"
It was a stalemate. Yet again.
Mercedes glared at him. "At least I had the decency to do it within the context of a relationship rather than mindlessly sleeping around!"
"Mine wasn't mindless!" Actually it was but…
"You just went back to what you've always known. I'm not surprised." I bet they were pretty little things.
Actually, they were curvy chocolate skinned things but that wasn't even the point. "Why do you think so little of me Mercedes?"
"Because you think so little of me!"
"No I don't. I want you to be my girlfriend. Properly this time."
She narrowed her eyes at him. "Why?"
Sam took a moment to think about it this time. He'd fallen once at this hurdle before and he didn't want to do it again. "Because I care?"
She shook her head. "You can't answer a question with a question Sam. If you knew the answer you would have been able to just say it."
Sam could feel his frustration rising again. "Why do you always have to complicate things? Why do you always have to make things bigger than they actually are?"
"And why do you always have to run and hide in your frigging cave whenever you're actually required to think about what you're really feeling?" She started to stand, taking it slowly to allow the blood to return to her legs and the tingling sensation of pins and needles to abate. "I think we're done here."
Sam also stood. "So what does Shane have that I don't?"
"A heart."
"What the fuck does that mean?"
"It means that he actually gives a shit about me. About what I think and how I feel. About how his actions will make me feel and how he can make be happy. And because of that I care about him too. I never wanted to hurt him. He doesn't deserve it."
"I really don't see why you care!"
"I care because caring is what you do when you're in a relationship. Caring is about thinking about more than just yourself. You should try it sometime Sam. It's really interesting!"
"I care about people!"
"You don't know how you feel Sam. And until you learn to understand how you feel you will never be able to understand how others feel. You have flashes of being this amazing person, when you're unguarded, when you're not thinking, but then the rest of the time you just end up trying too hard but you're not fooling anyone other than yourself!"
"What the hell is unguarded!"
"You need to let your heart speak before your brain!"
"Mercedes you're not making any sense!"
"It will make sense to you one day. For example, what did you mean just now when you said forev-"
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU KIDS DOING IN HERE!" They were both stunned and turned to face the janitor. It had completely escaped their notice that they were still in his closet and that school had long finished.
Sam panicked. The guy looked as if he wanted to kill them. Mercedes just looked embarrassed and quickly shot out past him. Sam rapidly followed, muttering his apologies as he went. "You kids are just nasty! You hear me, NASTY!"
He headed after Mercedes who was speedily walking towards the exit. "Cedes! Wait up!"
She did no such thing, picking up her pace even faster. He caught up with her and tapped her shoulder. He knew that his face looked as confused as Finn's usually did but he really just didn't get it. "Please Mercedes. You have to help me here. You wanted to be a proper couple, I want you to be my girlfriend. What's the difficulty?"
"The difficulty is you! You're such a-" Failing to come up with a word she simply let out a frustrated sigh. She turned and walked to her car with him in hot pursuit. "Talk to me Mercedes!" He leaned against her car door, preventing her from getting in. "You can't deny that we have something, you and me. Let's just go with it and see where it takes us!"
She shook her head. "I can't. I won't!"
"Why not?"
"You say you want me to be your girlfriend but it's always a statement not a question. Have you actually asked me if that's what I want?"
Sam felt his frustration rising. Surely he'd already made it abundantly clear that's what he wanted and she'd made it more than clear that she wanted it too! All he had to do was give her what she wanted. "Ok, Mercedes, will you be my girlfriend?"
She looked strangely shocked and taken aback by the question, as if she genuinely didn't expect it. "Well?"
She held up her hand to stop him from talking while she was thinking. Why was it taking her so damn long to say yes?
He watched as the expression in her eyes slowly changed, from questioning thought to sudden understanding. From understanding to determination.
"No Sam. I will not be your girlfriend."
What the fuck?
Sam took a couple of steps back in shock. "What do you mean you won't be my girlfriend?"
"I'm saying no to you Sam."
"But I thought it's what you wanted?"
"So did I. But I was wrong. I don't want this after all!"
Sam did his best not to raise his voice. "And are you going to tell me why not? Coz you sure as hell were wanting me earlier!" He could feel his face getting red, her answer had really upset him.
"Because now that I've thought about it, I've realised something very important. I love you but I don't like you!" He went to speak but she stopped him. "You're an arrogant smug bastard who knows that I'll keep running back to you over and over again. But I'm not going to. Because I deserve better!"
"What the fuck are you talking about?"
"I did want to go out with you. But it was a different version of you. This cute guy called Sammy who I hung out with last summer. He was cute because he wasn't afraid to be himself. He made me laugh and smile, we could talk for hours and he made me feel wanted. But that guy's gone and has been replaced by some Blondie who swaggers around thinking that he owns me, thinking that he has the right to hurt people that I care about and thinking that he has the right to treat me like his personal plaything!"
"I don't treat you like that!"
"That's how I feel like I'm being treated. Do you have any idea about how I actually feel in all of this? Do you care what all of this is doing to me inside my head?"
"Of course I care-"
"No Sam. You're just saying what you think I want to hear. You've turned into this person that I can't relate to. Shane has never done anything to you but you insist on hurting him over and over. You swagger around in your letterman jacket shooting sex looks at me, knowing that eventually I'll crumble."
"But you did!"
"Yes I did! And I hate myself for it. Right now you're an unlikable selfish person and you've turned me into the same!" He watched helplessly as tears started to stream down her face. "I've lied and I've cheated and I've become someone that I don't like either."
"That's not-"
"LET ME FINISH! You used to say you liked me because I told things exactly as they were. So I'm doing it right now. You're a horrible person and I'm calling you out on it. I've become a horrible person too and I'm calling I myself out on it. Quinn cheated with a kiss. I cheated by having sex, and then I lied about it. And then I kept on lying. And then it happened again. I hate that I've become that person. I took the moral high ground with Quinn and Santana for what they did to you but what I've done is much worse. I can't even look at myself in the mirror anymore. I can't pretend that I can just make this alright. And I sure as hell can't let you hurt me again!"
She opened the car door and shot him a pained look. "I can't be with you Sam. I can't be with anyone until I sort myself out and find out who I am. I swear from this point on I'm going to try and fix this twisted version of myself, and I suggest that you try and do the same!"
Before Sam could say another word she had slipped into the car and driven away in a tearful haze, leaving him alone with his thoughts.
She was pulling books from her locker when he saw her the next morning. He quietly stepped up behind her and then tapped her right shoulder while ducking to her left side. As always, she looked the wrong way before facing him.
Her eyes were not welcoming.
He forced a grin. "So I was thinking about what you said last night and I agree that I have been a total jerk." He handed her a heart shaped box of chocolates which she pushed right back into his chest.
"Sam you can't just bribe me. This doesn't take one night to fix!"
Sam's face fell. He'd thought long and hard about what she said and come to the conclusion that he had been rude. He hadn't asked her out properly. If he had made an effort to be more polite things would have gone his way. After all, she was clearly still hot for him!
"But I thought-"
She scowled at him. "No Sam. You didn't think. And that's you're problem. From now on, I just need you to leave me alone. It's not a big request but hopefully one that you will respect."
And then she was gone.
Sam stood, still clutching the box of chocolates to his chest, wondering what the hell had just happened when his day quickly became infinitely worse. He was so lost in thought watching Mercedes walk away that he never saw him coming. It wasn't until he was totally winded as his back was slammed up against the lockers that he actually understood what was happening.
"What part of Mercedes wanting you to leave her alone do you NOT understand!"
Sam winced, the air having been knocked out of his lungs by the impact rendered speech impossible. All he could do was try to catch his breath as he stared up into the fury filled eyes of Shane Tinsley.
And something told him that his second encounter with the linebacker was going to be nowhere near as pleasurable as the first...
This was a day which had started badly and was about to get a hell of a lot worse...
So yeah, I was never going to make Mercedes get pregnant but I needed Sam to panic into word vomit.
