A/N: This chapter is longer to make up for the pause between chapter five and chapter six. Also, Karin doesn't mean what she says to Ichigo, she is just upset. Ichigo will be okay, and they'll have a chance to talk things out and be okay again. Also, I just had to add a bit with my favorite redhead (and yours, too, admit it!), but there won't be much of him and Byakuya in this story. It's all about Kisuke and Ichigo. Anyway, love you all, and just trust me that I will make everything okay again!

Song: Linkin Park - "Breaking The Habit"


I don't want to be the one

The battles always choose

'Cause inside I realize

That I'm the one confused...

I don't know how I got this way

I know it's not all right

So I'm breaking the habit

Tonight

People's nightmares revolve around their worst fears; some dream about plummeting to their death from high places, while others have wild animals chasing them, blood-thirsty and gnashing their sharp teeth, or screaming and kicking inside a coffin as they are buried alive. Children dream of ghosts in the basement or monsters under their bed, while older people's worst nightmares consist of watching themselves die, or major world disasters. Whatever they might be, they exist to bring out the worst fears we harbor in our subconscious, to force us to confront the demons we run from in the daylight.

Ichigo Kurosaki's nightmares were all about failure; failing to protect his loved ones, inability what was needed of him to save everything that mattered, falling short of being the man he wanted and needed to be for everyone. The scenarios were always different, but the theme never changed.

He ran as fast as he could up the grassy side of Sokyoku Hill, feeling the shaky weariness in his bones after struggling so long and hard to get to the top, hid mind on the only person who mattered in that moment: Rukia. At last he could see the Sokyoku, the small, raven-haired woman lifted up on the cross, and the circle of shinigami that enclosed her. So close, he was so close now, just a little further and...

He froze in place just feet away from Rukia, unable to move or even breath as the great fire bird spirit of the Sokyoku screeched to life, the release of immense spiritual pressure nearly knocking him over as it soared toward her at amazing speed. He stared up at it, wondering why Byakuya or Renji weren't doing something to stop it. Why was Renji just watching her with sad garnet eyes, and Byakuya staring at the ground like it wasn't even happening? The breath he was holding came out in an animalistic howl of agony.

"RUKIA!"

Her eyes found his just seconds before the tremendous phoenix engulfed her in flames, and she let out a shrill scream as her body was incinerated to dust. Ichigo dropped to his knees, clawing at the earth as he screamed her name over and over, tears streaming down his cheeks and his heart feeling like his heart was burning to ashes, like Rukia's body, in his chest. His reiatsu burned out of control, overwhelming him and starting to eat him from the inside out, killing him with his own power...

Ichigo jolted awake, sitting straight up in bed and shoving the blanket into his mouth to stop the scream that threatened to erupt from his throat. It took several minutes before he realized he was back in the shoten, not in Soul Society, lying in bed. He tried to lie back down and fall asleep, but found he couldn't with the way his heart still hammered in his ribcage, the sweat beading down his body. Eventually he got up, changing his wet clothes before walking out to the darkened hallway, making his way down to the second to last door on the right. Sliding the door open and closed again as silently as he could so not to wake the sleeping man inside, he crept over to the queen-sized bed, standing over Kisuke.

"Kis? Um, K – Kisuke?" he whispered, gently tugging on the sleeve of Kisuke's night shirt.

The blonde man grunted softly, his eyes fluttering open and searching around dazedly until they fell on the boy standing beside the bed. "Mm, Ichi?" He muttered sleepily, looking around for his clock. "What time is it?"

"Three-fifteen in the morning, gomen," the other answered, shame evident in his voice. "I didn't mean to disturb you this early..."

"S'okay," Kisuke reassured him, gazing up into his lost, sad cinnamon eyes. "Can't sleep?"

"Iie," Ichigo admitted, looking down at his feet sheepishly. "I had a pretty bad nightmare about Rukia."

Kisuke frowned worriedly, nodding as he pulled back the covers, patting the space beside him. "Climb in, you can stay with me tonight."

Ichigo nodded, crawling into the large, comfortable bed and curling up at the shopkeeper's side, enjoying the closeness of their sleep-warmed bodies. He rested his head on the older man's shoulder, cuddling down close to him under the blankets. "Arigatou, and gomen again for putting you out like this. I know I've been a lot of trouble for you since I came here."

"Hey, I don't want to hear any more of that," Kisuke scolded him gently, resting his chin on the boy's soft citrus-colored locks as he breathed in the scent of his shampoo. "You know it's no problem, I was the one who volunteered to help you." He ran a gentle hand up and down the expanse of Ichigo's back through his shirt. "Want to talk about the dream?"

Ichigo shivered at the memory, pressing himself closer to the other man's slightly larger body as he shook his head. "Maybe tomorrow, I'm really tired right now. Can – Can we just go to sleep?"

Kisuke sighed softly, but nodded in acquiescence, lightly running his fingers through Ichigo's hair. "Hai, go ahead and sleep now, we can talk tomorrow."

Ichigo curled up closer, nuzzling into the shopkeeper's neck. "Arigatou, oyasumi nasai."

"Oyasumi nasai, Ichigo, sleep well," Kisuke murmured, stroking the boy's hair and rubbing his back until his breath evened out and his body fully relaxed. I wish I knew what more to do for you, Kisuke pondered sadly, holding Ichigo tightly against his chest as if physically protecting him from the nightmares. But just try to trust me and we'll do this together. I promise it won't always be this hard, you'll be okay in the end. I'll be here by your side to make sure of it. He brushed a soft kiss across the orange-haired teen's furrowed brow, smiling when Ichigo's face softened at the touch. "I'll always be here for you," he whispered against the shell of one peach-skinned ear, slowly following the younger man into sleep.

Neither one saw the crimson spiked pony-tail of the tall shinigami who crouched down outside, peering into the small window of Urahara's bedroom with a thoughtful frown. He slowly got up once the men inside were asleep, keeping his reiatsu concealed as he made his way back to the street where his midnight-haired noble taichou awaited him.

"Arigatou for letting me use the private Kuchiki senkaimon, Taichou," Renji said softly, bowing respectfully to the noble.

"There is no need to be so formal when it's just you and I, watashi no koi," Byakuya answered in his deep, calm voice, brushing a soft kiss over Renji's lips as he laced their fingers together. "And you are welcome, but onegai, do not make it a habit. If someone found out and told Yamamoto-soutaichou that I am allowing you to come to the living world to see Kurosaki, it would cost us both our positions in the Gotei 13."

"Hai, I know," Renji acknowledged, returning the kiss as he rubbed Byakuya's soft knuckles with his rough, calloused thumb. "And I really do appreciate you putting yourself on the line for me. I just had to check on him, but I promise, this will be the only time."

Byakuya nodded, glancing toward the dark shoten, then back into Renji's garnet eyes as he slipped his arms around the larger-framed man. "How is he?"

Renji sighed, leaning into his lover's embrace. "He doesn't look very good right now, but I guess Urahara-san is taking care of him. Not much we can do about it now anyway, ne?"

"Not right now, I'm afraid, but things may resolve themselves in time. We'll just have to see how it plays out from here. Now, shall we go? I, for one, would rather be home in bed with you than standing here on this street corner with such unpleasant thoughts."

Renji smiled, claiming Byakuya's mouth a bit more firmly this time. "Ah, me too, let's go."

Byakuya gave him an expression that was as close to a smile as the noble could get, tucking himself under the redhead's arm before opening his family senkaimon and following his lover back toward Soul Society.

Kisuke and Ichigo were both up bright and early the next morning, immediately going down to the shopkeeper's laboratory to begin the examinations needed so Kisuke could prove his theory. It was Saturday, so they had several hours before the kids, Tessai or Yoruichi woke up, not that any of them would have interrupted anyway. They broke for lunch with the others, then went right back to work until Ichigo looked at the clock and headed out for his sister's game at two-thirty.

"You sure you don't want me to come with you?" Kisuke inquired before he left.

"I think it's better that I talk with her alone first, but arigatou," Ichigo answered as he started for the door, "Be back soon!" He called over his shoulder.

"Ja ne!" Kisuke called, waving to him at the door before he turned around to go back to the lab and look over the processing results of the examinations they'd run. Yoruichi stood in the doorway to his lab, glaring at him with scrutinizing golden eyes. "Does my feline companion have some more insight to impart on me?" He asked, jovially sarcastic.

Yoruichi shook her head disapprovingly, her waist-length violet ponytail swishing back and forth like a tail. "Baka-ka," she sneered, then shifted into black cat form and slunk away.

Kisuke couldn't help the laugh that bubbled up from his throat, walking back to the laboratory and closing the door. You're probably right, my old nakama...

Despite everything still being damp from the morning rain shower, it was actually a beautiful day if somewhat chilly, prompting Ichigo to walk to the soccer field instead of taking Urahara's car. Droplets clung to the vibrant colored leaves, making the trees appear to glisten in the sunlight as if they were studded with little crystals. He breathed in the fresh air, enjoying being outside in the sunlight rather than Urahara's dark lab, not that he minded as long as he could be with the shopkeeper. A blush rose on his cheeks as his mind trailed back to their kiss, and the memory of sleeping in Kisuke's arms the night before. It was the first night he'd slept peacefully since he left his house, missing the poster of his mother that he fell asleep and woke up to back home. He still had a smaller version of the picture in his wallet, but it didn't feel quite the same.

The sound of people shouting broke him from his reverie, and he looked up to find himself standing beside the soccer field, spectators grouped behind the tall chain-link fence watching as the junior high teams played. As he suspected, Isshin was nowhere to be found, which both relieved and made him angry at the same time. Their dad was mad at him, but his sister hadn't done anything wrong. Couldn't he at least put aside his own feelings to go and watch his own daughter's game? But, either way, it made it all that much easier for him to talk to her afterward. He crossed over into the park and made his way toward the game, positioning himself behind some of the parents so if his sister looked over she couldn't see him.

He ached inside when he saw Karin, how thin and pale she suddenly looked, so much like he had before Kisuke got a hold of him. Purplish-blue bruises shadowed her deep gray eyes, her raven hair that she always put into a neat ponytail was thrown messily on top of her head, held up with a red elastic band. Oh, Karin... He sighed to himself, guilt making his heart ache as he watched her. A while later the game was nearing an end, and Karin finally managed to get back the ball from the rival team and weaved her way through the other players to the game, setting up her kick into the goal. Ichigo held his breath as she got ready to kick it, clapping a hand over his mouth so he wouldn't yell out to her.

Do it, Karin, do it! He cheered silently, but while Karin was so focused on the goalie another player from the opposing team came up and knocked her off her feet, causing her shot to go wide and bounce off the goal post. The whistle blew and the point was awarded to the other team, giving them the win. Ichigo grabbed his hair in both hands and growled in frustration, stomping his feet. Dammit, dammit, dammit!

The other girls on Karin's team shoved by her to get to their coach, giving her disappointed glares and making Ichigo want to kick all their asses along with that little brat who ruined Karin's shot. She grabbed the soccer ball and wandered away from the huddle up, sitting down on a bench. After he addressed the girls, the coach tried to go over and console Karin, but clearly didn't have any luck as she just screamed at him to leave her the hell alone. Ichigo winced at the anger he knew concealed a world of pain in her voice, waiting until everyone cleared the area before he approached her.

"Yo," he said gently, walking over to the bench she was sitting on.

"I told you to -" she stopped her tirade when she turned and saw her brother, a look of anxious excitement passing over her face, but she quickly replaced it with a scowl she could have only learned from her aniki. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to watch you play. It was a good game, that was a lousy play by the other team at the end, though. You guys should have won," Ichigo said conversationally, sitting next to her and trying not to look as hurt as he felt when she moved away slightly.

"Yeah, well, if I hadn't screwed up we might have," she grumbled, dropping the ball and kicking it around with her feet.

"Iie, you were right in the pocket, that would have been a goal if she hadn't knocked you down. It wasn't your mistake," he reassured, watching her from the corner of his eye. "Like I said, that was a dirty play by them, and the ref should have fouled them on it."

"Whatever."

Ichigo sighed, clapping his hands together. "Well, anyway, you'll do it next time. So..." He glanced down, a stab of fear going through him when he saw bruises on her arms, but tried to stay calm. "How've you been doing?"

"And why should you give a shit?" She snapped, glaring at him. "You haven't up until now, so what's the point?"

"Because, I'm your nii-san and I love you, and I'm really sorry for how things have been with me. You have every right to be mad at me for arguing with tou-san, upsetting you and Yuzu and just leaving you guys behind like that..."

"You think all this is about is you and tou-san?" Karin asked incredulously. "Tou-san is an asshole, and while you can be just as much of a jerk, in general I've always sided with you in everything you've said to him. As for leaving, hai, I'm pissed about that, but just because I would have gone with you if you'd even stopped to ask how I feel. But, none of that bothers me as much as the other stuff."

"O – Other stuff?" Ichigo repeated uncertainly.

"Yeah, like the fact that you went along with tou-san all those years in lying to Yuzu and I about how kaa-san died. Or the fact that you can or at least could see spirits for most of your life just like me, but you never told me and I thought I was all alone, like some kind of side-show freak. Or how about when you were off in some other dimension fighting a war and never even said anything about it. Then when you came home, you were all weird and wouldn't talk to me or anyone, and you started cutting yourself. How is any of that supposed to make me feel, Ichigo? You're supposed to be the one person in my life that I can trust, but so far, all you've done is lie to me and shove me away."

"Kar, listen..." He started, suddenly feeling nauseated and dizzy.

"No!" She hollered back, jumping up and standing right in front of him, her fists balled up at her sides. "Why should I listen to you when no one even cares enough to listen to what I have to say? Just go back to Urahara's and keep on ignoring me like you always have been, because the nii-san act won't matter anyway now. Just go away and leave me alone," she spat at him, then turned and stormed in the other direction.

"Onegai, wait, Karin!" Ichigo called to her desperately, standing up to go after her.

Karin turned back, screaming at him at the top of her lungs. "The next time you cut yourself, I hope you just die! Then you'll become a shinigami and be away from us like you want!"

Ichigo's eyes widened and filled with tears, his blood turning to ice water in his veins. He sunk back down onto the bench, burying his face in his hands, his breath coming out in broken, choked sobs. Regaining some composure after several minutes, he reached into his pocket, feeling around for the razor he kept there. He'd kept it there just in case. He grasped and pulled it out, watching the way it glistened in the sun, then dragged it across his skin, waiting for relief.

Kisuke walked onto the grassy field from the sidewalk, making his way to where he saw the soccer goals set up. Ichigo told him to stay away, but he couldn't help the nagging feeling in his stomach and finally went to check on him. As he approached a bench on one side of the field, he saw a form hunched over on a bench, orange hair like a traffic cone.

"Ichigo!" He called, quickening his pace over to the boy, frowning as he got closer and saw the ground at Ichigo's feet was spattered in blood. "Ichigo," he said again, his voice rising in panic.

Ichigo startled at the sound of the shopkeeper's voice, looking back at him with defeated, hazy eyes. "K – Kisuke... G – Gomen nasai..." He said, then slumped over limply, his spiced chocolate eyes sliding closed as the razor fell to the ground, soaked in crimson liquid.

"Iie!" Kisuke yelled, rushing forward to catch the unconscious boy before he fell and hit the ground.