Thank you to those of you who have been with me and continued to follow me through all of my hiatus periods- living with several mental disorders is a challenge. I am doing better and challenging my inner critic, As I work on my perfectionism issues and doing things for joy instead of avoiding them when they're not perfect, I hope to post more often.
Seeing your reviews helps me to conquer my anxiety because it shows that while my anxiety says it's not good enough, its good enough for you guys! I don't want to beg for reviews, but I do want to say how much your comments bring me joy and motivate me to continue! Thank you!
Wishing you all the best,
Mcfly
...
"Well, first of all, I think you should write a book," Dr. Ashikaga told her approximately 55 minutes later.
Lucy laughed awkwardly. "Well, it would be anti-climatic if the book ended with 'she failed, the end.' That would suck. I feel like I'm going to any moment now, FAILURE, um, fail I mean,"
"Well you're very determined, you got that going for you. You're here after all, right? It sounds like you've definitely dealt with some traumatic events, and I can see why its affected how you feel about doctors. I'd like to thank you for giving me the chance to work with you today. I'd like to applaud you for tackling your doctor fear- avoidance is the greatest agonist of anxiety, and I'm sure this was not easy for you since its been so long,"
"Well, I do go for yearly physicals and shots. But I don't really go for anything like this… My dad got me to go to my doctor that I usually see because he promised they wouldn't talk about any of that stuff again,"
"Yet you're here discussing it with me right now. You should be proud,"
Lucy smiled shyly. The doctor was nice and seemed genuine, but she found it very hard to feel proud of herself, at least for this. Now if she could manage a repeat of that one time she managed to set aside and eat only one serving size worth of chips from a party-size bag, that would be pretty cool. Telling the doctor everything was strange- Lucy had trouble recalling some of the details because it had been so long, but hopefully the doctor got all the information she needed.
"I think we definitely made a lot of headway. We don't have time to discuss everything today, but I have some suspicions about some factors that may be making your Tourette's worse. I think we have a lot of promising non-medication options available. We could work on those first, and then we could reevaluate your need for medication later on. Or, we could do both at the same time. I believe that you're going to benefit from therapy, but I also think you're a great candidate for medication,"
Lucy twitched and shrugged, grimacing.
"But we won't proceed with anything you're not comfortable with," Dr. Ashikaga reassured her, noticing her tics worsening when she began talking about medication. She stood up, "We have a privacy agreement, but since your friends are aiding in funding your treatment would you consent to me discussing what we've talked about?"
"NO!" she shouted, louder than she meant to, making her jump. "I, um… I appreciate what they've done, but I really don't know them very well. And I'm definitely not comfortable with them knowing about the… about all the… about all the…" she clicked, kicked and grunted, blinking painfully.
"I understand. Could you consent to me revealing information relevant to your treatment billing, forgoing some of your more personal details?"
Lucy thought about it carefully. "I suppose that would only be fair…"
Dr. Ashikaga handed her a stack of papers. "I'll need you to fill these out for me please, as a new patient for legal matters. Do you think your dad could have a video session with us to consent to your treatment next time?"
"Yeah, he would be very supportive," Lucy said.
"Great. Go ahead and work on filling out some of your papers. I only need the top two before you leave, the rest you can fill out at home. I'll let Mr. Ootori know what we have planned for our future appointments," She smiled warmly and closed the door gently behind her. She went out in the waiting room, noticing some women in the waiting room whispering and giggling over the handsome crew and smiled to herself as she took a seat next to them.
"I think you have a fan club," Dr. Ashikaga whispered to them.
"You have no idea," Haruhi said.
Dr. Ashikaga said, "The appointment went well and I've gotten a lot of valuable information that gives me a strong sense of direction on where we need to go with her treatment. I think an ongoing series of weekly appointments would be of great aid for her. Due to patient confidentiality, I can't disclose too much more information besides that. I'm sure you understand Mr. Ootori?"
"I wouldn't expect anything less from our doctors," Kyoya concurred.
"However, I would like to discuss something. Lucy told me that you all wished to help her and try to get her into normal classes and be able to keep an eye on her, is that true?"
"Yeah, we'll do anything!" Hunny vowed.
"Those are very noble intentions, but having the lot of you watching her like a hawk the whole day is only going to make it worse, at least it will right now," She explained, "If you have someone spying on her the whole day, she's never going to have a chance to not think about the fact that she knows 'forbidden information'. Just like Lucy latches onto 'forbidden words' like profanity, her constantly thinking about the fact she shouldn't say them brings those things into the scope of her attention and makes it more likely that she'll do the things that she doesn't want to do. Not to mention that puts a lot of pressure on her, which can exacerbate the situation even further."
Lucy set the requested papers on her desk, bringing the rest with her as she walked down the hall to join them in the waiting room.
"Well then what are we supposed to do?" She heard someone say just as she was about to round the corner.
"I'll arrange for her transfer,' She heard Kyoya say indifferently, as though he were merely shipping a package. Her heart plummeted to her stomach and froze in place. She inched as close to the waiting room as she could without being seen and listened to what they were saying about her, covering her mouth to muffle any involuntary vocalizations.
"Excuse me, aren't you going to ask your friend before you do that?" The doctor raised an eyebrow.
"That would imply she has a say in the matter,"
"No paternity test needed with this one…" Dr. Ashikaga frowned as she watched him pulling out his phone, presumably to make some sort of call to arrange such.
"You can't kick her out just because she knows I'm a girl," Haruhi said, putting her hand over Kyoya's phone.
"Do you know who you're talking to?" Kaoru asked, raising an eyebrow
"His family could probably influence the government to start world war 3, getting someone kicked out isn't a problem," Hikaru added.
Haruhi rolled her eyes. "I know he can, but it doesn't mean he should. She has just as much right to be here as anyone else,"
"What about our motto, men?! Making every girl at Ouran happy!?" Tamaki scolded.
"Well if she leaves then she won't be a girl at Ouran so that won't apply to her," Kaoru pointed out.
"She did nothing wrong!"
"It might not be her fault, but she's gotta go," Hikaru insisted.
Lucy's hands curled into a fist and crumpled the papers she was holding, eyes blurring with tears. She stormed back into Dr. Ashikagawa's office.
Haruhi shook her head in disbelief. "Are you all actually serious right now?
Mori and Hunny, mulling over and considering everyone's opinions on the matter, stayed silent. Tamaki was still having a moral paradox about what Kaoru had said about the rule not applying if they made her leave the school. Kyoya's phone was at the ready to make some calls, and the twins stood by Kyoya in support.
"We're with Kyoya on this. We tried doing the right thing, but it didn't work. And if we don't make her leave it's going to be the end of the host club!"
"No, it won't be the end of the host club. But it will be the end of my service as a host!" Haruhi said. She pulled her membership pin off of her uniform, storming over to Kyoya and dropping it in his hand that was holding the phone. "You have my number, send me what's left of my debt and I'll get you guys your money when I come up with it,"
"Wait, Haruhi-!" Tamaki grabbed her sleeve to stop her as she turned to walk away, but Hikaru grabbed Tamaki's arm and jerked him away.
"No! You know what? If we're so meaningless to you, leave then!" Hikaru was yelling at her now, getting angry himself. "We've been there for you since the day you got here and you're walking away from us for someone you just met?!"
"I'm leaving because the friends I know wouldn't agree to something so selfish in their own self-interest! If you're going to use your families' money and power to make her go away just because she's inconvenient for you then you're exactly what causes people stereotype rich people being cold, heartless and exploiting others to get what they want," Haruhi narrowed her eyebrows, her lips pursed with anger. "I thought you guys were better than that, but maybe I was wrong,"
"That's not entirely true, Haru-chan," Hunny spoke up, stepping forward. "We may be a little selfish… but its because everyone here loves you so much we can't imagine what we'd do without you. It's not that we don't care about Lu-chan, its that we're crazy about you and we'd do anything to try to protect you. No one wants to see you go,"
"I don't need protecting. The only thing you're protecting is me being in the host club. I love being in the host club, but not like this. If you were really doing it for me, then you wouldn't be doing this. I won't allow someone else to suffer for my personal gain," Haruhi stormed out, slamming the door behind her.
An awkward silence followed, everyone in the waiting room was staring at the scene that had been caused by the Host Club.
"Well," Dr. Ashikaga cleared her throat, "Lucy should be done with that paperwork now,"
She excused herself and left to go retrieve her patient.
"Haruhi is right," Mori's baritone commanded attention from his peers when he broke the silence after the doctor had left, "Lucy has as much of a right as anyone to attend Ouran. We'd be prioritizing a group of student's recreational activities over another student's high school education. To try to have her removed would be morally unjustified, no matter the reason. If you pursue Lucy's transfer, I will testify to the chairman about this on her defense,"
This was a rather shocking declaration. Kyoya was hardly ever challenged by anyone, and he maintained the eye contact with Mori with just as much intensity. The tension was quickly escalating even more than it already had as the two seemed to be exchanging some unspoken words.
"I'll stand by Mori-sempai on that," Tamaki said finally. "Kyoya, I don't underestimate your family's power. But a business connection will have a much harder time convincing the chairman than the chairman's son. I'm not sure that your father would feel like using any blackmail or cutting any business ties over an American transfer student,"
"I'd hardly get my father involved in such a primary-level matter. I don't rely on my last name for everything, I can get things done just fine on my own," Kyoya turned his glare to Tamaki, venom in his voice.
"Kyo-chan. This isn't a power struggle. This is about Lu-chan's education or Haru-chan's identity, with some consequences for the Host Club," Hunny's cheerful tone was absent. With that statement, Kyoya's shoulders dropped slightly as they lost some of their tension. He let a quiet sigh through his nose, adjusting his glasses.
"Hikaru? Kaoru?"
"This is Haruhi we're talking about, we've only known her for a couple days. You guys are crazy, we need to just get rid of her and call it a day! Who cares about Lucy?!"
"Kaoru?" Kyoya asked.
"I don't know anymore," Kaoru said quietly, eyes cast down.
Dr. Ashikaga came out of her office holding some papers. "Well Mr. Ootori, I think its safe for you to cancel any future appointments for Lucy," She handed him the papers that were left on top of her desk. They two forms that Lucy had filled out had a large X drawn across them, and on the back of one of the papers was a note written:
Dr. Ashikaga, I appreciate the time you gave to me this evening, but I will not be attending future appointments due to conflict with those sponsoring my treatment. ~Lucy
