Disclaimer: An alien came down to visit me last night. He informed me it would be a good idea to state that I don't own Sailor Moon, Codename: Sailor V, Silence of the Lambs or Sayonara Zetsubou-Sensei.

Vocabulary Words:

Oni: Japanese: Demon

Seven

There was an old saying that stated simply that luck in either of its forms, bad or good, always came in threes. Whether it came about by chance or accident it was always out of a person's control, it was just fate. Written in small brackets underneath that first quotation was a warning that read if a person should happen to have the misfortune of experiencing the worst kind of bad luck that they shouldn't tempt fate because they were still owed two slaps.

Water that cascaded down from heaven itself, or rather a ten inch ceiling mount rainfall showerhead, fell onto her porcelain skin warming her to the core. Gliding her hand up the side of her womanly body she brought it up to her right cheek, wincing upon initial contact. Her cheek usually possessed a pinkish hue but that morning a massive purple bluish bruise now colored it while the surrounding areas were slightly swollen. Poking it once again with her index finger she winched, gritting her teeth. "Damn Ami," Her voice was brimming with malice.

The previous night Usagi had been abruptly and in her mind rudely awoken by the duo of Luna and Ami whilst in the middle of a gorgeous dream none-the-less. After she had pasted out at Game Center Crown Motoki had been kind enough to phone his sister, Unazuki and pleaded with her to come take over his position. Under normal circumstances the trio would have happily carted the girl off to her own abode but taking into account her drunken nature and Kenji's collection of firearms they decided against such a plan.

Saeko Mizuno, Ami's mother, was what some would consider a picture perfect definition of the word workaholic. Rarely would she ever make a cameo appearance at her own residence instead choosing to stay at a hotel suite next to her hospital. (Hence why Luna was so conveniently employed at the Mizuno residence as the household maid.)

After disposing of Usagi's slumbering body on Ami's bed Motoki had bided the duo as well as sleeping drunkie adieu before presumably heading back to work. Ami having little experience with dealing with the intoxicated had allowed the blonde to slumber while she finished her homework and Luna did the housework.

It was only as the day began to draw to a close that the bluenette began to worry, the only movement she'd witness coming from the blonde was a slight incoherent mention of pound cake two hours prior. Anxious, the duo of Ami and Luna stood hovering slightly over their blonde haired friend. Reaching down to poke Usagi in the cheek Ami smiled, "Usaaaa, time to wake up," The bluenette sang gently, behind her Luna couldn't help but roll her eyes.

Pushing Ami out of the way Luna ripped back the blankets exposing Usagi's skin to the chilly night air before jumping on top of the bed next to the blonde. "WAKE UP!" She screeched into the girl's ear but was met with no response whatsoever.

Luna blinked, placing her hand at the back of her neck. "I thought that would do the trick." She clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth before turning towards Ami, a mischievous glint shinning in her blue eyes while a wicked grin graced her lips. "Maybe we should beat her with a belt," She gasped, tightening her fists into little balls excitedly. "Or, maybe we should take her out back and get her with the hose!"

Expecting anything but the statement that had just filtered out of her girlfriend's mouth Ami eyebrows had shot up in shock. "What?" She questioned, sweat beginning to form on her temples. "We're trying to wake her up not scar her for life. Think more with a friendship mind frame and not one of an irrational serial killer, Luna." The bluenette scolded her counterpart while Luna simply to continue to grin wickedly. "It rubs the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again."

Ami blanched her jaw dropping slightly as Luna was overtaken by her own laughter. "Luna, no more movies for you." Despite being scolded Luna continued on with her laughter before her blue eyes suddenly widened, the gears in her head beginning to turn. "Oh! Hose," She said cryptically before jumping off the bed and running out the door only to return a few minutes later with a large bowel in her hands. Before Ami could even produce a sound of protest Luna dumped the contents of the bowel, sub temperature water, onto the young girl's face and neck.

Luna's ebony colored ringlets bounced when she hopped backwards away from the bed and the now fully conscious blonde. "What the he-"

"-hello," Ami interrupted her curse, greeting Usagi with a smile whilst Luna cackled in the background. "Finally you've awaken," She stated and before the blonde could reply with a snide remark her head suddenly felt as though it'd been struck with a baseball bat. Clutching at the sides of her head Usagi tentatively peeked up at the duo after she had laid back down, ignoring the wet sheets. "What happened?" She questioned, "How'd I end up here? The last thing I remember is being on the roof with Mamoru." Usagi stated, letting out a juicy burp as the perfect period to her sentence. Feeling nauseous the girl shot up only to regret the sudden motion when the room began to spin.

"We don't know," Ami shrugged. "Motoki said some delinquents gave you some liquor at Crown and he'd tried to talk you out of drinking it but you still drank it despite his warning." She said innocently and as she spoke the pieces of forgotten memories in Usagi's mind slowly began to unravel themselves. 'Damn you Motoki,' Her inner voice yelled while Ami continued speaking. "When we got there you were already so intoxicated you blacked out."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah that's all well and good but what I want to know is who is this Mamoru, what happened to Asanuma?" Luna inquired, scooting closer towards the bed.

"Ah," Usagi whispered before skillfully weaving together the details of her first day of school. "So, that's what happened," She finished meekly trying to ignore Ami's flabbergasted expression.

"Well," Luna set the bowel down on the counter before interlocking her fingers together in front of her. "It's decided, you aren't to go back there tomorrow." At the statement Usagi sharply turned towards the girl. "What do you mean it's decided? Of course I'm returning in the morning didn't you hear a word of what I've said?"

Nodding sharply Luna locked eyes with Usagi, "Yes, I have: school violence, sexual harassing teachers (that now have a personal vendetta against you) and not to mention your class ditching. This environment isn't suitable for you Usagi."

The young blonde growled in response, "But what about Mamoru?" Luna responded with a shrug, "His situation is regrettable but he's a man fully capable of defending himself." Ami couldn't help but nod in agreement, "Yes, I'm too oppose to you returning to that school." The bluenette regarded her best friend with suspicious eyes, "You went in there to retrieve information on Asanuma but managed to have minimal contact with him, and from what I gathered developed another fixation on this Mamoru person."

"Fixation?" Usagi shook her head in denial, "No, I just want to help him, honest. Look on paper today may have seemed like a bad day." Luna snorted, "But it really wasn't-" She paused before throwing her hands in the air. "Ah, who am I kidding? It was horrific but I can't leave him alone." Her eyebrows shot up, "Oh, and, um, can't forget about Asanuma," She giggled slightly feeling her statement was more like an afterthought more than an actual reason. Letting out a sigh Ami was about to throw in her counterstatement but Usagi opened her mouth before she could, "Another thing, besides the bathroom incident, I think a lot of the other stuff happened because I don't know how to act like a boy." As she talked Usagi shifted her eyes onto Ami's, "So, I think I should get lessons."

"That's a good idea, but who could we get that be willing?" Ami inquired already giving up in her futile attempt to get Usagi to change her mind. "I mean neither of us have a lot of guy friends and whoever it is we can't exactly let them know what we're doing this for."

"But," Usagi began, placing her index finger on her chin. "Couldn't you do it Ami? I mean you'd be perfect."

The tight skin underneath Ami's eye began to twitch, "Excuse me?"

"Don't play dumb Ami, everyone in this room knows that out of you and Luna your obviously the male. Hey! Don't look at me like that," Usagi shouted while Ami's eyes were desperately searching the ground. "What are you- wow, how do you get your eye to twitch like th-AH!" Her inquiry was cut off when Ami was finally able to locate the object she'd been looking for, her school bag. Taking a hold of it she mechanically raised it up and slapped Usagi across the jaw with it.

Gasping Luna ran over to Ami's side and yanked the bag out of Ami's trembling hand just as Usagi fell back onto the bed. "Ami, you have three dictionaries in here, you could have killed her!" Those words were the last thing Usagi's conscious had picked up before the darkness took a hold of her. Upon reopening her eyes the young girl had found herself tucked safely under her own sheets in her bedroom.

Momentarily Usagi had wondered if it had all been a crazy dream but the bruise on her cheek confirmed it wasn't. "Damn Ami," She cursed while throwing the sheets off of herself.

Glancing at her alarm clock she noted that she'd awoken ten minutes before her scheduled time, a rare thing indeed. Begrudgingly she made her way across the room heading for the bathroom, after checking out her swollen face in the mirror she hopped into the shower.

Letting out a raspy breath Usagi bent over and picked up her face wash from off the ground. Removing the cap she squeezed the end but found that only air came out. Feeling a tad bit annoyed she glared down at the bottle shaking it before squeezing it at the end again. "Come on," She pleaded now placing both of her hands on the bottle to give it a good squeeze. Unfortunately it was in this moment that the bottle decided to projectile vomit the last bit of its contents onto Usagi's stomach, only resting there for a split second before plummeting towards the ground instantly dissolving in the stream of water.

Bad Luck Meter: 1

"Of all the rotten luck," Usagi grumbled. "Why doesn't anything seem to go right for me anymore?" She questioned absently before turning off the nozzle and exiting the shower. Taking a hold of the towel she began to dry herself while making her way to the counter. She tied the towel's ends around her chest before she began to apply on a light coat of foundation and powder not bothering with anything else considering it was going to be covered in her transformation.

Heading back into her room Usagi for merely appearance sake redressed herself in her typical school uniform, grabbing her bag before heading out the door and down the stairs. Exchanging pleasantries with her parents and brother she ate breakfast rather quickly, bidding them all a farewell and exiting the house. When she was exactly three blocks away from her house Usagi dipped into an empty alleyway and activated her Luna Pen.

Having glanced at herself in a shop's display window she noted happily that her disguise had covered her bruise. 'Good, now I won't have to worry about explaining that.' Her inner voice chirped happily. With that thought she practically skipped to school taking her steps two at a time meanwhile obvious to the strange side glances she was receiving from the patrons she past.

Upon arriving at her new school Usagi didn't even bother pausing to mingle with the throng of students that were gathered in little clusters in the hallways instead she headed directly to her classroom. She was thoroughly surprised though to see that about ninety percent of the class was already in their seats, their eyes glued to the woman that was once again sitting cross-legged on her desk.

"Blood," Fisheye greeted with a snide smirk. No sooner than her name being mention did the Black-Moon boys all shifted in their seats turning their full attention towards her. To their surprise and slight amusement rather then cowering in fear as they expected Usagi returned the greetings with a snake-like hiss. Shooting a glare over her shoulder at the aqua haired woman Usagi made her way to her assigned desk. A chuckle escaped past Fisheye's lips, "My, my, my let the games begin." She declared in a low voice.

Having an assigned seat smack dab in the middle of the classroom did prove to have its disadvantages for the young blonde. In her normal classroom Usagi had always been assigned a seat in the outer rows and whenever she felt dejected or in need of a distraction she would simply stare out the window into the open sky. But, for fear of being accused of gawking at one of her classmates she kept her eyes glued to the desk after she'd gotten out her English textbook.

"Shall we begin," Fisheye quietly spoke receiving a choir of approving sentiments in response. With her mouth slightly open Usagi glanced over at the empty seat at her side but before she could even begin to worry the classroom door slid open. "Chiba, Ittou, you're late," She said in a sharp voice not bothering to look up from the open book in her hands.

"Sorry," They both replied in perfect unison before they made their way down the aisle towards their respective desks.

"Hmm, Furuhata is absent again," Fisheye mumbled placing an X by his name closing the book soon afterwards. "Ittou, stand and translate the first, sixth and eighth passage on page two hundred and ninety-four."

Asanuma straightened up his seat, absolutely shocked that he was being called upon, "Yes ma'am." He replied with a slight nod of his head, beginning to fidget in his seat while he searched for his textbook in his bag.

Tapping the heel of her shoe against the wood of her desk Fisheye appeared quite annoyed. "We don't have all day," She stated, placing her pen cap in the side of her mouth to help alleviate some of her irritability. "Just a second," Asanuma replied with a crooked smile meanwhile continuing to search through his bag.

Crossing her arms over her chest Fisheye glowered at him, "Don't tell me that you've forgotten your text book."

Unable to help himself Asanuma shrugged his shoulders letting out a nervous chuckled, "Seems-"

"-here take mine," Usagi interrupted, extending her English textbook towards him.

"Thanks," Asanuma replied feeling a bit surprised but grateful none-the-less. Though, when he reached to take a hold of the book Fisheye suddenly slammed her fist on the desk causing the pair to jump slightly.

"Feh, that won't be necessary. Ittou stand in the hallway for the duration of the period maybe during your time outside you'll realize the importance of being prepared for class." Fisheye scolded him pointing to the sliding door with the index finger all the while.

Doing as he was instructed Asanuma made his way out the classroom door but not before shooting Usagi another look of gratitude.

"Blood, be mindful of only yourself," Fisheye commanded meeting Usagi's fierce glare with a blank expression.

"I can't, it in my nature to always help my friends," Usagi shot back.

"Well," Fisheye smirked, "We shall see if we can't break you of that."

"Oni," Without Usagi's consent the word just floated off her tongue and past the girl's lips leaving her stunned. At the front of the classroom a vein in Fisheye's left eye abruptly exploded as she bit down on her pen cap breaking it half. "What was that?!?!" She screeched jumped off her desk watching as Usagi covered her mouth with her hands.

Bad Luck Meter: 2

Outside in the hallway Asanuma heard something akin to a nuclear blast going off in the classroom behind him. Curiously he raised an eyebrow but didn't dare to peek inside for fear of Fisheye's wrath. He straightened up his stance when suddenly the sliding door was slid open and Usagi barreled out of it. "Wha-" He began to question but cut himself off when several textbooks whizzed by him hitting the wall across the hallway.

"Sorry, sorry," Usagi continued to apologize as she dodged the books Fisheye was angrily chucking her direction before shutting the sliding door.

Pushing out a sigh of relief Usagi slump down onto the floor, leaning back against the wall. "I can never do anything right," She mumbled underneath her breath. 'What else do you have me for today?' She thought angrily glancing up at the ceiling tiles.

And it was as if the fates had somehow heard her challenge and began to shift the timeline and the day's events to further compensate for her final slap.

"What was that?" Asanuma inquired, pulling out a small red notebook from his breast pocket as he did so.

"Ah," Now fully aware of his presence next to her Usagi couldn't help but stiffen, a shiver running up her spine. "Nothing," She replied, smiling. 'How lucky,' Her inner voice cried out.

Dismissing her words Asanuma turned his attention towards the pages in his red palm sized notebook rereading the scribbles he'd jotted down on its once pristine pages.

A Cheshire grin began to spread across Usagi's face as the gravity of the situation finally hit her. Since the development of her plan this moment had been her aspiration. A chance to talk to Asanuma completely uninterrupted and alone!

"Um," Usagi began her jaw falling open, body stiffening before completely freezing in place as it dawned on her she had absolutely nothing to say. 'Think, think, crap this would be the perfect time for a brain blast!'

"Yes?" Asanuma prompted, turning towards her as he spoke.

"H-how a-about t-t-that," Usagi stuttered her mind in the middle of some sort of meltdown.

"I'm in despair!" A voice abruptly called out when the classroom door parallel to their own slid open revealing a man dressed in a white kimono with a stripped green hakama. "The class's ever decreasing average has left me in despair!" He stated before turning to run down the hall a long piece of rope in his possession.

"Itoshiki-sensei! Don't!" A boy with a receding hairline called out, chasing after him.

Usagi blinked, "What?"

"Oh! Right, you're new," His voice trailed off for a second before he turned towards her. "That would be Nozomu Itoshiki, one of the homeroom teachers. Don't worry, he gets like that sometimes and does a suicide attempt once every couple of days." He explained rather nonchalant, Usagi blanching at his side. "Can I ask you something?"

"S-shoot," Usagi replied.

Asanuma squinted, "Did you get kicked out because you were trying to help me?"

A pink hue spread across Usagi's cheeks, "Not exactly," She lied.

He smiled, "But, it's what started it, corrected?"

"Don't worry about it," Usagi stated, turning away from him.

"Thank you, that was really nice what you tried to do for me." Asanuma ran a hand through his short blonde locks, "Sorry though that it got you in trouble. Though, Mamoru told me yesterday that you were a bit odd but had a good heart, now I see what he meant."

Usagi's entire face and body turned a shade of crimson, her heart pounding inside her chest. "You're welcome," She replied holding her chest all the while. 'I have to change the subject before my heart explodes!' She glanced over at his notebook, "What are you reading?"

"Oh this its-" Asanuma began but was cut off when the door slid open.

"So, you're both out here chatting it up like a couple of old maids," Fisheye said darkly while the pair instantly stiffened, jumping up to their feet. "Since it looks like you're in need of further punishment I'll happily bestow it upon you." She stated, handing the pair two water buckets that were completely filled. "No more talking," She threatened her eyes glowing.

"She's scary," Asanuma mouthed the words towards Usagi after Fisheye had slid the door closed and continued on with her lesson.

Not wanting to provoke Fisheye any further the duo stayed quite each lost in their own thoughts as the minutes ticked by. Upon hearing the bell the duo shared a look of relief while heading back into the classroom though were unprepared for the glare Mamoru shot them when they entered.

Wordlessly Mamoru walked up to Usagi, took the bucket out of her grasp before slapping the back of her head. "Second day in a row," He scolded, taking her by upper arm and proceeding to drag her out of the classroom and down the hallway. "You need to learn a bit of restraint," He continued, guiding her to their next classroom where he sat her down next to his assigned desk.

"I know," Usagi replied surly, her eyes searching the classroom for a certain blonde haired boy. "Where's Asanuma?"

Blinking Mamoru regarded her with suspicious eyes, "Presumably in his classroom." He opened up his textbook, "Asanuma belongs to Class C and we're in Class B, remember?"

Outwardly Usagi's face remained the picture perfect definition of the word calm while internally the young girl was practically in hysterics. 'Damn you Ami,' She cursed her best friend for the third time that day. "But then why does he take English with us?"

"He shouldn't really," Mamoru explained. "But, because of my situation with Fisheye he asked the principal to switch him into our classroom." He paused, lowering his voice when their teacher entered the classroom. "Without explaining the reason of course."

'Arg!' Usagi's inner voice yelled. 'I only have one class with him, damnit how am I ever going to get close to him like this?' She whined. 'Still,' She couldn't help but replay the memory of him thanking her.

Over…

And over…

And over again…

For the next couple of periods Usagi was lost in her own little haze, thankfully no one had taken notice of it and considering the day Class B weren't scheduled to partake in physical education. The day was pretty uneventful except for their last period class where they found a large notice on the door explaining that it had been cancelled. Still, they were required to report to the library for a free study period.

"This is kind of nice," Usagi said, speaking for the first time in four hours as they entered the library. Nodding in response Mamoru led the way towards an empty table setting his bag on the table top. "Do you need any help with any of your subjects?" He asked politely.

"Nope," Usagi lied briskly, taking out her English textbook and pretended to read the chapters Mamoru had informed her they'd gone over that day. It was ten minutes before the bell ran signaling the end of the school day when Usagi was jolted from her day dream by a solitary playing card fell down onto her textbook.

Namely the Ace of Spades.

'Oh no,' Usagi grumbled before a pair of strong arms wrapped themselves around her shoulder. "Have you been taking care of that delicious mouth of yours," A voice that should have been illegalized whispered in her ear while his tongue darted out to flick her earlobe.

"Eek!" Usagi hissed, "Kaitou cut it out!" She hollered, trying to push him away and ignoring the choir of Shh! that were sent flying in her direction.

Disregarding her protest and obvious discomfort Kaitou kept his strong, lean arms wrapped around her. "Isn't this great, we don't have to be secret friends anymore since you've made nice with Mamoru."

At the mention of his name Mamoru glanced up from his physics book regarding Kaitou suspiciously.

"Yeah, I did it all for you," Usagi responded in a dry voice while rolling her eyes skywards.

Kaitou gasped, "Really?" He whispered excitedly. "Oh! That's right I have a favor to ask."

Usagi sighed seeing no way out of the matter, "Go ahead."

"I want to do an interview with you for the paper," Kaitou requested stars beginning to form in his eyes.

"I don't know."

"Come on," He begged twirling her around in his arms. "It will be simple I promise. Just stuff like what are your favorite things, places, aspirations, dreams and homoerotic fantasies."

Usagi's eyebrows shot up while Mamoru choked on his own spit at her side. "What," She paused, her throat suddenly feeling coarse. "Was that last part?"

Letting out a sigh Kaitou pushed Usagi down into her seat while he took the one at her free side, "Ok, let me explain." A grin spread across his face, "I want to make you into a princess."

Mamoru coughed choking once again while letting his book drop onto the table.

"A princess?" Usagi questioned. 'That doesn't sound bad, wait.' The realization dawned on her once again that she was currently dressed as a man and the statement should be considered offensive. "Hey! Stop making fun of me!" She grounded out the words through her clenched teeth.

"I'm not," Kaitou insisted. "It's an honor to be the princess of an all boy's school. All you have to do is do an interview, pose for some calendars, photo cards and occasionally wear panties. No big deal."

"Stop harassing my friend," Mamoru said butting into the conversation while Usagi pretended to be horrified. "Just because he's punny-" He began, getting up out of his seat and pulling Kaitou to his feet.

Stab.

"-and weak."

Double stab.

"-and an easy target doesn't mean that you have any right."

Mamoru had begun his speech on how people shouldn't pick on the little guy but his words had only served to wound Usagi's pride. Gathering her things she got up and exited the library before the duo even had a chance to notice. "Hey, where'd he go?" Mamoru asked while Kaitou sat down and let his face hit the tabletop. "Can't believe you let our future princess escape," He grumbled underneath his breath.

'Stupid men,' Usagi inner voice said with obvious distaste as she reached into her pocket for her handkerchief to whip the sweat off her brow. Taking a hold of it she jerked it out of her pocket failing to notice as she did so her Luna Pen fell out and onto the ground. At the sound of something clattering onto the floor Usagi paused in her step glancing down just as Mamoru rounded the corner behind her.

"Hey!" He yelled causing Usagi to jump, startled. "You aren't allowed to be," He paused as Usagi turned around his heart throbbing almost painfully in his chest when his eyes met hers. "Here," He finished, his voice sounding strange to even his own ears.

Bad Luck Meter: 3

This ends the bad luck cycle for the day.

--

An: Oh my, this chapter took forever to write! So, um, can you say love at first sight? Hm, you'll just have to wait to see what happens to the pair in the next chapter. Oh, and I have some good news! I've actually detailed outlined not just one or two but a whooping six chapters… so, I won't be getting stuck anytime soon! Yah! And, I've planed some sexy smut in there too!

Oh and I added some references in there that some of you might not have gotten so I'll explain. The lotion part was a quote from the movie Silence of the Lambs. Nozomu Itoshiki as well as the balding student chasing after him are from Sayonara Zetsubou-Sensei, it's this awesome anime. Itoshiki's thing is he's constantly trying to kill himself, sorry I adore black comedy. And, finally brain blast is from Jimmy Neutron, who I also don't own. (Disclaimer!)

Jessicam242 (Aw, that made my day), CharmedSerenity3 (naw, one, that would kind of predictable and two, it wouldn't be any fun if he stopped talking to her but obviously he will find out eventually that she's not a boy… in the most hilarious/embarrassing way possible), Raye85 (Yes he knows Motoki, he's in their class but has been skipping for the past two days) Sailor Moon Has Balls (Yea, I'm a little sadistic lol… interesting user name btw) SerentiyMoonGodness (thanks), Isis, Starlight child, Krys7 (Yea I've learned my lesson, my hand is still healing though, thanks for the concern) and Saiyagurl87 THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR REVIEWS!

See you in space cowboy, or er, in the next chapter.

ills

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