Disclaimer: I own nothing pertaining to Yu-Gi-Oh

Note: Story will be updated every Wednesday

Chapter Warning: Chapter is rated MA (Mature Adult) for sexual content (lemon)

Lemon Warning: If you don't want to read the lemon, just skip around and read the dialogue instead

Lemon Note: Again, if you want to skip the lemon, just read the dialogue and ignore the rest. The lemons actually DO serve a purpose, though, so yeah, I didn't just write it and post it without a reason...

Trigger Warnings: Touches of DEPRESSION, CHILD ABUSE MENTIONED, PANIC ATTACK

All right so! This chapter DOES HAVE BDSM ELEMENTS. Yami is tied up and there's a safe word. The chapter does get kind of heavy and a little darker than the others. I'm not sure I did well enough with it, but Yami has a panic attack. But, remember that his first instinct is both to lash out and then to fold when/if that doesn't work (like he did in chapter eleven of Simple, when his dad showed up, he started yelling and then immediately started to withdraw and apologize to avoid being punished). Keep that in mind as you read it, because it makes more sense for his behavior. As for the depression, Yami still suffers from it and it gets worse as the story goes along (I'm thinking especially in chapters where he's alone for any stretch of time). He has hints of it during the end of the chapter, and some smaller bits during the middle and beginning. The child abuse is only mentioned this time around, but he does have a lot of problems with it, as you all know if you've read Simple.

Also, so, I don't know if anyone remembers the scene in Simple where they agreed to Yugi tying Yami up. If you don't, that's fine, because I'm going to explain it. So, in the last few chapters of Simple, when Yami was still tied up, the Puzzle drew Yugi into it in order to give Yami more physical energy (because Atem being a ghost connected to the Puzzle, cannot supply energy to a living being) in order to complete the ritual to kill off Pegasus and the others without repercussions from the Eye reacting. Or the Puzzle passing judgment on Yami and killing him in the process. Now, that said, Yugi originally thought it was a lucid dream, joked with Yami about walking through a dark forest like in fairytales, then got pissed when they just kept walking for hours. So he eventually snapped at him that he was bored and they should make out instead (or something along those lines lol) in which case he ends up sitting in Yami's lap making out with him. Yami eventually complained that his jaw hurt too much to keep going so Yugi announced himself the winner and ended up saying that Yami owed him a prize. His prize? Having Yami tied to the bed.

Also, true story, Yugi's research? It took me far less that thirty hours to find a suitable rope blend and all that. But it did keep me up VERY late into the night and I THINK it took about four hours to find everything? The knot, also, took me about ten minutes to find. I'm not sure that the way I set it up would work in real-life, considering the length and having one length of rope. But the site DID mention giving space of two fingers, maybe more if they sweat, then laying the rope in a way that would give them the ability to grab it as an anchor. Anyways, so, all of this was researched for a pretty long time and now my Google suggestions is full of things that make me blush and go "Please, no".

Don't say I never did anything for you guys~

And, I'm sorry for the late posting. But I worked yesterday, was seriously tired, considered editing and posting, and then went "Nah, I'm good". I have zero motivation when it comes to things after getting off work. It's draining sometimes (especially because most days it is completely dead and I get so bored it drives me insane and I'm NOT allowed to whip out my phone and start writing chapters in case someone comes in).

Anyways, hopefully you enjoy~

Chapter VII: Panic

"And you remember the safe word?"

Yami could have groaned and rolled his eyes up in the back of his head. It was sweet that Yugi was trying so hard to make sure he was comfortable, but it was driving him insane. If they said the safe word one more time, he thought he'd have to completely wipe it from his dictionary.

"Done."

Yugi snorted. "No need to be so rude about it," he teased playfully. He had secured a loop of the rope around the headboard. Yami was seated on the end of the bed, watching him with clear trepidation in his sharp eyes. They had gone over the safe word and the way he would be tied up for the last hour, boiling it down to the very basics. Yami would let him knot the rope around his wrists up to three times, but past that he would call it off. If he forgot the safe word for whatever reason—and they both knew it would be fear or shock—he would scratch at the headboard. If there was ever a moment he was not happy with it, he would say so. If Yugi thought he was pushing himself too hard, he'd say the safe word himself.

Yami was relaxed enough physically. But Yugi had paid enough attention to him in their time together to know that he was not as calm mentally. His eyes were swirling with shades of red and small sparks would light before diminishing. He would stare and stare and the expression on his face was carefully guarded. But the thoughts were clearly churning behind his eyes, passing like shadows.

"Okay, and if you don't remember it?"

"I scratch the headboard." Yami watched him for a moment, then tilted his head. "How many knots?"

"Three."

"And if you think I'm pushing too hard?"

"I say the safe word."

They both nodded at each other, though Yami was slightly dismissive in his action. It occurred to him that he was glad not to be wearing the Puzzle at the moment. He had left it in the kitchen, hopeful that it would keep him from reacting violently if something went wrong. He didn't want to hurt Yugi. He had done that enough as it was…

He fidgeted. Wow, today was just the best day ever for introspection, wasn't it? He nearly rolled his eyes at himself. He needed to stop thinking. He really needed a distraction at this rate.

He wouldn't think of their time together like that anymore, but it wasn't exactly a lie to say that he would forget himself when they began. Yugi wasn't the most patient lover, but he knew enough of what he was doing and what Yami liked to make him become basically boneless.

That would definitely help.

He grinned slightly, unable to stop himself.

Yugi raised a brow and cheekily murmured, "Oh, look, you're just as kinky as I am!"

Yami blinked, burst out laughing, and shook his head. "No one is quite as kinky as you are, I'll bet." He looked at the rope for a long minute, then turned back to him. "Then again, I suppose this is very mild in comparison to some."

He rolled his eyes. "I bet you half those people don't put in as much effort as I had to just to find one rope that might accommodate you well enough," he huffed, shaking his head with a small smile on his face.

His boyfriend furrowed his brows and tilted his head. "What do you mean?"

And now he felt like crap, because he hadn't truly meant to say that. He picked at the end of the rope for a long moment, trying to think of the best way to explain. Then he shrugged, looked at him, and complained, "It took about fifteen different sites and about twice as many hours of research on the ropes and the possibilities of them burning your wrists and how well they held and all of that to narrow it down to about three different selections."

Yami felt his eyes grow thrice their usual size. Yugi had spent that much time just looking into the rope they could use? He felt his stomach tie into knots. He had cared that much about making him comfortable? Oh gods…

"I…I could have done that…I mean, I could have figured it out for…"

Yugi rolled his eyes. "It's not like it was a bad thing to research it," he argued, trying to make him relax again. He could already see the guilt in his eyes and it was beginning to frustrate him. "No, Yami, I wasn't going to have you search for hemp rope on the internet when I could have done it and gotten more ideas."

He frowned and scratched at the inside of his left wrist for a moment. "Well, I still…I didn't expect it to take that long, Yugi."

The smaller teen shrugged and shook his head. "Besides, I figured it was better to buy something that I'll actually use and know works than just waste money and have to return things."

Yami raised a brow slowly and smirked in amusement at the annoyance that flashed across his face. "You hardly sound keen on returning to the sex shop," he teased playfully, expecting an instant refusal, perhaps for Yugi to say that he was wrong.

"I'm not."

He blinked. "What? But I thought you liked it?"

Yugi rolled his eyes. He had liked the way Yami squirmed when he was in there. The shop itself was just kind of…there. He could live with it being there or not. It hardly affected him in any way, shape or form. "Yeah, I did. I liked the face that you made whenever I suggested something and you were against it. But the shop itself is just a shop. And I didn't exactly appreciate the way I was treated when I went to pick up the rope." Yami furrowed his brows and tilted his head, confused. Yugi let out a deep sigh and looked up at the ceiling to keep from scowling. "The woman told me that the rope might be too harsh on my delicate skin and then asked why my dom wasn't there with me."

Yami blinked wide eyes. Then he folded his bottom lip into his mouth and lowered his eyes, struggling not to burst out laughing. "Oh wow," he managed, drawing the words out, breathing in chuckles and shaking his head to clear them.

"Yes, Yami, laugh at your boyfriend's mortification," Yugi snapped, though his tone was somewhat playful as he moved across the bed on his hands and knees. Yami glanced up, struggling not to laugh anymore. "And then we'll get to see just how much my dom likes being pounded into the mattress with a rope too rough for his sub's delicate skin."

Yami froze, eyes growing wider, and then forced out a cough. "Oh, uh…" He coughed again and rubbed at his throat. "I think I might have just caught something."

Yugi grinned widely. "You're so full of shit."

"No, uh, really…I think I got…" He struggled for words. "Some kind of STD or something…err…from breathing the same air as that…horrible, horrible woman."

Yugi raised a brow, smirking. "Poor baby. Guess I'll just have to make this final time between us last for hours and whisper sweet little nothings before leaving you forever."

Yami hesitated, then bit his lip. "I, um…think it's…curable?"

"Oh, but, sweet darkness, I think I told you that day that you drank coffee out of that champagne bottle. I have to protect my merchandise so me and my penis will have no more relations with you ever again."

Yami pursed his lips and grumbled, "I think it's gone now."

"Hmm?" Yugi asked, nearly shaking with suppressed laughter. He leaned his ear towards him playfully and edged his body slightly to put his face as close as possible to his. "What was that, Yami?"

The older boy scowled and reached out to shove at his shoulder gently. "I said, I think it's gone," he snapped, blushing when Yugi smirked at him, beaming.

"I knew you would see it my way," he laughed out loud, unable to stop himself now.

Yami couldn't fight away the smile that crossed his face. He rolled his eyes and shook his head, then pressed a kiss to his neck, tracing his pulse point. "Yeah, sadly," he agreed, reaching up to run a hand through his hair.

Yugi was still laughing but the intimacy of the action wasn't lost on him. He let him keep it there, kissing along his neck for a few moments. His lips were trembling slightly. He didn't know if it was from the joke of a threat that he might leave him or the idea of the rope. Maybe it was even the effort he had put into it. Either way, he almost wanted to pull him into his lap and hold him there for a moment.

But it passed. Yami pulled away and shoved him by the shoulder so that he fell into the bed. Then he smirked at him and pinned him on his back. "We could always see if it really is too rough for your delicate skin instead," he growled, laughing when Yugi squirmed and pushed him away.

"No way!" he cried, springing up to grab him and toss him onto his back. He immediately moved to straddle him and both of them glared playfully at each other, smirking. He didn't doubt for a second that he was right in his idea that Yami would never tie him up anyways. He didn't think Yami would ever want to do that to someone, let alone him. "I won when we were making out and you quit first."

The taller teen snorted, laughing, and reached up to run his hands along his ribs gently. "You did," he agreed in a soft voice. His fingers traced along his bones for a moment, as if memorizing the curves of them. "And I have no plans to back out of giving you your prize."

Yugi chuckled and lowered his mouth to his, breathing, "Good" before moving his hands to trace his shirt's hemline. He tapped lightly at his hip and Yami moved to spread his legs for him. The smaller teen wiggled back, placing himself between them properly where he had been straddling him formerly.

"Trust me?"

Yami blinked. "Always…"

"Good." He trailed a kiss along his jaw and to his neck. "Then we're going to have to take off your jacket and shirt before we do anything else."

The taller teen blinked, startled. Then, slowly, he nodded slightly. If Yugi was going to tie him up, he would need his chest bare. That way he wasn't caught with his clothes knotting over the top or too irritated from the entire thing to bother with anything else. He swallowed hard as Yugi pulled away slightly, just enough to bury his face in his throat. He picked at the buttons of the shirt beneath his fingers. Each one slipped seamlessly away to expose his stomach. Yami shuddered at the cold air but didn't object.

"Okay?"

"Yeah, just cold."

Yugi nodded and moved his fingers to trace his stomach. Yami squirmed and struggled to keep from bucking against him. He was barely touching him. Yet he was burning where his fingers passed over his skin. He licked his lips and bit the inside of his cheek. His fingers twitched but he didn't bother to raise them to tangle in his hair yet. If he was going to take the shirt and jacket off, it would be easier if he didn't have to pull away from him so completely.

He was feeling the soreness of their separation a lot more than he had initially assumed he would. It wore on him that he was so desperate now. But the nightmares and the thought of being tied up—all of it threatened to fray at his nerves.

He closed his eyes tightly. Yugi touched his right side where the wound was stitched. But there was no leakage this time and the bandage was clean and perfectly white. He still tapped his fingers against it, however, testing for moisture. When he found none, the small teen pressed a kiss to his collarbone, then lowered his head to his chest. His heart was hammering, though he was not sure if it was the intensity they shared or fear at the moment. But he was holding so still aside from momentary squirming and that was not how he acted when he was scared…

"Okay…"

Yami did not need him to say it a second time. When Yugi moved to allow him room, the taller teen pulled the sleeves away and slipped his hand out. Then he did the same with his other and threw the two articles of clothing away. They dropped soundlessly to the floor and Yugi nodded.

"Okay, so I'm going to see about how to make the knot again, just to be sure," Yugi mumbled, pulling his phone out to start searching. Yami blinked up at him but didn't object, instead lying back a little more fully. "The rope is like ten meters long, so that'll give you a lot more space than the site actually said, but whatever."

The taller teen moved just enough to prop himself onto his elbows. "That's…generous of you," he finally mumbled, unable to think of anything else to say. He blinked at him but Yugi wasn't truly paying him much attention around scouring his phone.

"It was actually because I didn't want to spend money on two ropes," he said absently, before moving his knees closer to him. They squeezed his hips lightly for a moment, then moved away. "Not that I wouldn't spend the money on you. I was just pretty sure this would be easier if I could secure both your wrists with one rope."

Yami nodded and watched him. His eyes were blank for a moment before his face lit up with excitement. He tapped on his phone, then grinned a little wider, and hummed, "Here it is! It's called a bondage knot—or a hitch-knot."

"Hitch-knot?"

Now Yugi looked up, smiling at him, and said in a soft, gentle tone, "It's one that doesn't loosen or tighten when you squirm. It works really well with the hemp blend I got too. But the knot is actually kind of easy to get out of if you needed to."

He nodded slightly, frowning faintly. "Okay," he murmured, nodding again. His boyfriend studied him for a moment, searching his face clearly for the answer to a question he had not yet asked, and then turned away again. He got up from the bed and walked around to pull the rope away from where he had loosely draped it over the headboard.

Yami watched him bunch the middle somewhat, allowing it to sag, and then clench his fingers around the ends, tugging gently. The rope snapped into a straight line, then fell again when he released the tension on it. While Yami watched it, Yugi watched him.

He seemed okay. He was not flinching from the demonstration. And he seemed oddly relaxed regardless. Yugi smiled faintly. Maybe Yami would be okay with the entire thing. But he didn't trust himself not to make the other boy uncomfortable at some point. Yami could be skittish at times when it came to things like that.

When he got on the bed again, he moved to lean over him and towards the headboard. It took him only a moment to find the mark he had put in the middle of the rope. There he tied it tightly, knotting it forcefully. Yami watched with a confused, slightly perplexed expression.

"That's the midway point for the entire rope," Yugi explained with a small grin. He pulled the rope out again from behind the headboard, bringing it to his lap. "Can I see your wrist?"

If someone else had ever asked him such a question, Yami would have been cautious of doing so. Even Bakura or Mai would have been given a dirty, suspicious look. He had let Bakura touch his brace when his wrist had suffered a small break at the hospital. But he would not allow him to see it when it was fully healed; he would have assumed he was going to draw on it or something. He was uncomfortable when anyone thought to look at the veins on his wrist. He had never been sure of why; possibly it was the abuse, maybe it was just because he thought they were too thin and ugly. He could never be sure. But even Mai, who was the only girl he had trusted enough to try to have sex with, would have been treated with trepidation.

With Yugi he simply stretched his hand out. And it shocked him. He blinked stupidly even though he knew the smaller teen would not do anything to hurt him. And, when Yugi held the rope to his skin and doubled it, he did nothing to object then either. He watched him as he placed the mid-point of his wrist, then brought both ends to slip through it.

Yugi glanced at the phone, nodding to himself, and then murmured, "It's called a lark's head, apparently. That's your fun fact for the day."

Yami rolled his eyes, smiling faintly. He looked over the length of the rope. Yugi was using the knot in the middle as a way of telling the length properly to fit both his wrists. He smiled a little more. The smaller teen was a lot smarter than most people gave him credit for. He was not even sure he would have done that rather than just cutting the rope in two…

Yugi leaned over, studying the picture, then brought the doubled rope back around his wrist as they had originally been directed. The second loop that had been formed from the original knot was used to further double the knot.

Then he pulled them about six inches and put another loop through that.

Yami frowned faintly as Yugi then pulled the whole of the remaining length of rope through that last one, tightening the knot against his wrist. It looked complicated, but small, and he looked at its simplistic design with slight satisfaction. His wrist was tiny beneath it, but there were four strands of rope around it, one large knot made of repeated loops, and two ends that fed out from the same place. He thought it almost looked like a spider with only two long legs.

"I'm going to make sure I did this right," Yugi murmured, looking him in the eye now. Yami startled faintly, eyes widening. The smaller teen reached over for the knot again, then tugged. The taller boy faltered when he did not feel anything. But he could see Yugi pulling gently at it, almost with enough force that it would have cut off his circulation any second had it given way.

"So, it's arranged to where you can close your fingers around the knot," he announced, nodding and grinning ear to ear with satisfaction. "You won't be able to pull it apart, but it will give you something to hold onto if you get freaked out some point but aren't completely ready to use the safe word."

Yami blinked at him, startled. "You…"

He flashed him another grin. "I told you I did my research."

He flushed, looking away. He flexed his fingers, running the tips of them over the knot formed on his wrist. He licked his lips as he considered it. It was not on his pulse or the base of the thumb. That made sense to him, he supposed. If he built up pressure on it, he would end up numbing his hand had it been there.

Yugi slipped around him to pull the other half of the rope through the headboard. "Can I see your other wrist now?" he requested, relieved when Yami handed it to him just as quickly as he had the first. "How does the knot feel?"

"I can barely tell it's there," he admitted with slight wonder in his voice. He watched again as he began to tie the same knot on his left wrist as well. He licked his lips. Yugi glanced at the phone one more time, making sure that he had not skipped steps. Then he pulled back and allowed him to feel the knot on his wrist again with his fingers.

"Okay, lay back for me, on the pillows, okay?" He obliged, maneuvering himself slowly to do so, and then settled against the soft surface to allow him whatever it was he was trying to see. "Raise and cross your wrists for me."

When he did, the rope still didn't pull. And the length of it from the headboard was still comfortable enough for him to be able to breathe without feeling winded by the truth of the situation. He could not believe he was truly doing this…

Yugi slipped his fingers between the rope and Yami's wrist. The movement made Yami choke slightly, somewhere between an intake of breath and a snicker. He glanced at him, eyes widening, but the taller boy seemed more or less surprised rather than alarmed or hurt. He relaxed slightly, then turned to secure his other wrist. "So, they said on the sites to keep space enough for two fingers at the least, then more if you think the other person is going to sweat a lot." He shot him a sinful grin and nudged his rib with his knee. "And if you aren't sweating by the time we're finished then I've clearly been doing it wrong."

Yami flushed but rolled his eyes. "I'm sure you'll manage just fine, little one."

He smirked and turned back to the rope, testing it with his fingers between his skin and the threads. "Okay, so, I'm probably going to check on these a couple of times," he admitted, frowning. "I mean, I practiced the knots a couple of times over in the states, but this rope is different so I have no idea how well it will hold in comparison. Anyways, you need to tell me if you ever start to feel any pain or needle pricks or whatever. I'd rather not completely cut off the circulation in your hands."

Yami nodded again, though he did not seem to mind too much. When he flexed his hands and wiggled his fingers at the smaller boy's instruction, Yugi grinned faintly and kissed his forehead. Then he sat back, scooting to the edge of the bed. When he hooked a finger and gestured him over, the taller teen sat up, flexing his hands, and then moved to make his way closer. He got to the middle and then stopped.

"Okay, so check to make sure you can reach over to the nightstand and the desk."

Yami faltered, then frowned and scooted back, moving both ways and reaching the surfaces easily. Both had a couple pairs of flat-edged scissors resting on the surface. He tilted his head. Yugi truly had done his research. He had apparently thought of everything…

"No permanent nerve damage for you," Yugi teased as he noticed his startled look. Yami flushed faintly, eyes wide as they shot to his again. He smiled at him again, raising a brow and tilting his head. "The scissors are there just in case. I don't think you'll have too much of a problem, though. There's still a lot of rope there for you to move around with."

"I…"

He didn't like the way his eyes looked almost ashamed for a moment. It was just below his pupils, splintering along his irises towards the outer layer of red. And it frustrated him to even see that, as momentary as it was. He looked away. Those stupid assholes—that stupid, stupid fucking sperm donor

"Anyways, we're going to check the ropes and make sure your circulation is still good every few minutes, okay? I don't want you to stay quiet just so that I can enjoy myself."

The shame lit his eyes tenfold when Yugi gave him a warning look. He immediately looked away, reaching down to pick at the comforter. "I didn't realize that you noticed that," he commented in a slightly frustrated voice.

He rolled his eyes and moved to tip his chin up again. "Yami, I notice a lot of things. Just because I don't say anything doesn't mean I don't know about it," he finally murmured, moving to kiss along his jaw. He nipped and the taller teen squirmed. "Just like I know how that spot right there makes you a little harder sometimes. Or how when I touch your side sometimes you cringe. Or when you hear the landline ring you start to look sick."

He groaned. "Please, stop…"

Yugi sighed. "One more time then. What's our safe word?"

"Done."

"And if you can't remember it?"

"Scratch the headboard."

"And if you can't remember that?"

He faltered, then smiled when he realized where he was going with that inquiry. "The scissors are on either side of the bed and I can cut the rope," he supplied, nodding when Yugi beamed a little.

"Great!"

Yami nodded again and glanced back at the pillows. "Um…do you want me to lay back down or—?"

"And here's where I remind you that I didn't pay for services," Yugi snapped a little icily. The other teen blinked and then slowly turned his head to look at him again. They eyed each other for a moment, the taller teen unnerved. "Jesus, you're doing it again."

"Doing what…?" Yami trailed off and then narrowed his eyes. "I'm not…I just…I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to be doing!"

He rolled his eyes. "Maybe enjoying yourself?"

"Yes, because I'm known for enjoying being tied up," he scoffed angrily before looking away again. If he didn't end this argument soon, he felt like he was going to blow up. He drew in a deep breath, then shook his head. "I'll enjoy it when we actually get started. Until then, what do you want me to do?"

"I. Didn't. Pay. For. Services," Yugi spat in response, throwing his hands up.

"I know that! But what else am I supposed—"

"You can't ask me if you want me to lay down when you're already shaking like that!" the smaller teen snarled, cutting him off entirely. Yami blinked, freezing, and then looked down. Was he shaking? Fuck, of course Yugi would notice that.

"I'm just nervous," he grumbled, moving his hands to his laps. "I'm not scared, if that's what you're so freaked out about."

"Right, because I shouldn't be concerned when my boyfriend's hands are shaking."

He faltered, and the words left his mouth before he could think straight. "Would you worry this much if we weren't dating? I mean, if I was still your fuck buddy—" And then his face paled and his eyes grew wide as he covered his mouth with his hands. Yugi was frozen, eyes wide, and his lip began to curl in distaste. "I'm sorry…"

"I hate when you do this," he snapped. "You act like you have to do these things for me. Then you say crap like that—like you aren't supposed to matter to me and I shouldn't care anymore. Then you start looking at me like—fuck, like that!"

He blinked and shook his head.

"Then you wonder why I didn't bother to try to do this before now—"

"I'm…I'm really stressed out right now," Yami whispered, looking away. He had raised his shoulders as if he thought he was going to be struck and his eyes were wide as they stared at the comforter. "I'm so tired. And things are just getting further out of control. I'm sorry. I'm so…so sorry. I just…"

Yugi shook his head slightly, then swallowed hard. He drew in a deep breath and then exhaled loudly. Yami was withdrawing again. Past experience said that if he let him go much further, the other teen would play the complete submissive and basically hide from him for hours.

The smaller teen didn't like to have to concede in this argument, however. Yami was treating this as he had the other night, asking why they weren't having sex as if he was meant to service him. He hated that about him—well, no, he hated his sperm donor for doing that to him. He hated the bastard for crippling the other boy to this point. And it was becoming so much worse. Why was it becoming worse?

He had not thought he had done anything to make him begin to revert to this. Yami had been okay for the first couple of months after the incident. So why was it that he was backpedaling so quickly? Was it really stress? Or had Yugi somehow done something to make this happen?

He bit his lip, then moved closer to the bed. Yami didn't look up until he took a seat in front of him and leaned forward. His eyes were more broken than he'd seen them before. It made his stomach lurch. What was going on in his head? For once in his life, Yugi truly wished he could see someone else's thoughts. Never before had he ever thought about that kind of thing. Most people irritated him. He did not have patience for many of them. And to be in their heads and able to see their thoughts was an idea that had always made him want to puke. But he'd have given anything to see what was going on in his boyfriend's head at the moment…

When he couldn't find a hint of it after searching his eyes, the smaller teen pushed the urge away to ask him. Yami would simply use the excuse that he was stressed again. He knew that. He knew the red-eyed teen well enough. So he leaned forward, tilting his head, and kissed him lightly. The other teen shakily reached out to touch him. His fingers were trembling finely and his lips against his held a slight tremor.

Yugi pushed just enough to ease Yami back slightly. If he was lying down, he'd be more comfortable. He had learned early on that the red-eyed teen was fine to lie on his back, or even to sit on the ledge in his shower, but he could not do positions that required much otherwise. And he had adamantly refused to do doggy style with him before when they were fooling around in a bathroom stall at school. He had said he just didn't like it but Yugi was pretty sure—if not one hundred percent—that it was the fact that he would have to be on his knees and Yugi in a similar position.

It was just another thing on a long list of things that Yugi hated his sperm donor and incubator for. He ran a hand through the other teen's hair. Yami squirmed faintly at the sensation when he tugged lightly on the strands. Then he shifted awkwardly to spread his legs for him and fall back into the pillows.

Yugi snickered when he looked at him again. "Really? You couldn't have given me a minute? I would have followed," he laughed softly, rolling his eyes and moving to seat himself comfortably between his legs. Yami moved just enough to squeeze his knees against his hips in a pseudo grip of what he would do with his thighs when they actually got further.

"That would have taken too long."

He snorted and lowered his mouth to his again. Yami's arms moved to around his neck, one of his hands fingering the hair at the nape of his neck. He squirmed, snickering into his mouth. The reaction made Yami laugh in response and the smaller teen shivered.

"Stop that! You're distracting me!"

I'll do anything as long as you aren't mad anymore, he thought in relief. He smirked at him playfully rather than say such words, leaning closer to kiss him again. "You're taking too long," he murmured against his lips instead. His other hand restlessly moved to the collar of his shirt. He wondered if it seemed like he was trying to get it over with as quickly as possible. The thought stalled his fingers for a moment. Yugi couldn't possibly think he didn't want to be with him, right? He didn't think he was treating it like a chore, did he? His fingers stilled altogether, eyes growing wide. But what if he did?

Yugi furrowed his brows and wiggled his hips. The movement jostled the other teen enough to make him focus on him again. "Look, whatever is going on in your head, it's not right," he said with surprising certainty which made his own skin crawl. When had he become so at ease with trying to calm the other boy down?

Yami faltered for a second. Then he nodded and began to pick at the buttons of his white uniform shirt. "And here I thought you loved me," he drawled in a teasing tone, though the edges were slightly shaky.

The tone made the smaller teen stop short. Even as he squirmed faintly when Yami brushed a button too close to his skin and it tickled his chest, he could not make himself move again. Was he really that scared? Or was he just worried that he'd upset him again? Yugi didn't know but he supposed taking chances was hardly something that he should do.

"I do," he agreed, not bothering to tease him. The other teen nodded faintly, as if the response was what he had anticipated, and Yugi felt slightly hollow at the idea. Had he known he was not going to say it this time? His stomach hurt as he considered it. How many times had Yami asked and expected not to get an answer? The thought made him squeeze his eyes shut for a moment. Deft fingers plucked the last button out of place and then tugged lightly on the choker around his neck.

"Maybe we should just stop thinking altogether," Yami muttered.

Yugi barked out a laugh, looking at him again. "Is that even possible?"

He gestured towards their position. "It used to be." He paused, knowing the insinuation he had just made though the smaller teen hardly seemed upset this time. "It'd be a little different now, but it would be okay."

Yugi rolled his eyes. Everything was different. That was what always unnerved him when he was around the other teen. He drew in a deep breath, shaking his head. "Just focus on me," he announced, flashing him a cocky grin.

"I always focus on you."

The admission made his heart pound a little. Then he shook it off. He'd said similar things before. It wasn't even as big as those other three. Yet it scared him a little bit more than them, somehow. He nodded and quickly buried his face into the hollow of his neck, kissing and nipping in alternating patterns. If he wasn't careful, he'd end up saying something stupid and Yami might get hurt from it.

"Sorry."

Fuck.

"For what?"

Shut up, shut up—please, shut up.

"I'm apparently a sap."

Which only happens when you're scared. Yep, great. I scared you. That's just great.

Yugi ignored him now, moving his hands towards the other boy's pants. He pulled at the belt that rested around them—when had he started wearing one? Had he just not noticed?—and undid the buckle. Yami squeezed his hips with his knees again, urging him forward. Yugi shuffled a couple of inches further, his knees against Yami's thighs, the taller teen closing his eyes as he began to kiss and nip again. Maybe he could get Yami's head to clear some and he would be fine to ignore his own thoughts later…

"How are the ropes?"

"Hmm?" He tugged on them for a moment, then looked his wrists over. Neither was bruised or even slightly chafed. "Good—great even, actually."

"Good." He worked his pants off with a small bit of effort. He didn't want to get up and he couldn't physically strip him unless he did so. Yugi ground his teeth and rolled his eyes while Yami snorted in laughter at his predicament. The smaller teen flipped him off around leaning all the way back and pulling his pants with him. The material slipped away onto the comforter and he quickly kicked them to the floor. "So, then, let's see. Should I take your boxers off now or make you cream them?"

"I think we have adequately established that I can hold my orgasm. Thanks. Nice try though, Yugi."

The smaller teen faltered, then cursed under his breath. Yami burst out laughing and Yugi shook his head, blushing slightly, before pulling his boxers off as well. The taller teen writhed, hissing in distaste, and he snickered in amusement. "Payback," he teased, leaning forward to kiss his forehead when Yami seemed to tense slightly.

It occurred to him that they had never really done something like this. The only time one of them had been undressed and the other had not done so at the same time was when he had woken him when he had fallen asleep on the couch. Yugi had gone to ask him for help figuring out if he was truly in love with him or not and had found him passed out with an empty champagne bottle. Despite all of the teasing that he needed to stop getting plastered on higher end alcohols, the contents left in the bottle had been coffee. Yami had fallen asleep after drinking too much of it and Yugi had woken him under the wrong assumption. When Yami had agreed to sleep with him to see if it was possible that he was in love with him, Yugi had been told to undress. It had made him feel more like a prostitute than he had ever really cared to before.

He hesitated for a moment, then kissed his temple. His fingers worked at the hem of his tank top and he tossed it to the floor with his boyfriend's things. The effect of the action was immediate. Yami grew far more relaxed, as if he had assumed the worst moments before. Yugi wanted to snap at him that he should know better, but the idea made him feel sick and so he simply moved to pull his jeans and boxers off after him.

Maybe next time they would try something new. He wondered what clothes felt like when they were ground against a naked body. He was sure he could convince Yami to experiment with him with that. But he was already allowing him to tie him up. He wasn't willing to push too far now.

Yami chewed his lip for a moment, watching him with curious eyes. "Do you ever…get kind of self-conscious?" he asked slowly, blinking up at him. "I mean, like…"

Yugi tilted his head, waiting for him to finish, but the taller teen abruptly clamped his jaw shut and shook his head with a frown. The smaller boy watched him, then moved to settle between his legs again. He stretched over the length of his boyfriend, and flashed him a small grin. "You mean when we're naked?" he teased.

Yami didn't smile at him, but his eyes flashed nervously. "Yes."

"Sometimes," he admitted with a shrug, "but I don't see you saying something degrading about me anytime soon, so I don't really pay much attention."

He nodded slightly but his nerves were still apparent. He pursed his lips, then grimaced and bit into his cheek for a moment.

"Are the ropes making you nervous? You don't normally give me that look before we have sex." Yugi considered him for a moment, then drew in a deep breath. "You haven't said the safe word yet. You can still do that."

"I'm not that nervous. I just…I'm used to us moving by now. You haven't even…" He gestured vaguely with a flick of his wrist, frowning pointedly. "Fuck, we haven't even started prep yet and—"

He pursed his lips. "You mean, I'm not allowed to just fuck you?" he drawled sarcastically. "I was under the impression that once you were tied up and couldn't fight back, prep and foreplay were rather useless."

Yami blinked at him with wide eyes, startled, and then scowled. His knee hit him in the side and Yugi burst out laughing at the slight touch. He grinned at him and pressed their lips together again but the taller teen was still glaring at him when he pulled back. "That's not even slightly amusing," Yami bit out at him.

"I'm sorry," he replied after a moment, face falling. "I just…you worry too much. I'm not going to hurt you."

"I know that!" he stressed unhappily. "I just…I'm used to us going faster and I…my patience is not at its utmost best."

Yugi shook his head and kissed his forehead again. "I know, but I can't start anything until you relax a little bit," he commented, raising a brow at him in amusement. Yami blinked and his eyes grew wide, his cheeks flushing faintly. He had not even noticed the smaller teen had positioned his fingers there already, that he was simply waiting for him to calm somewhat.

"I'm sorry…"

"There's nothing to apologize for."

But wasn't there? The taller teen felt sick and guilty. He was making this such a bad experience already. They had not even done anything as of that moment and he was already fucking everything up. He reached a hand for his forehead, scratching between his brows. By the gods, he was such a wreck, wasn't he?

When did Yugi realize he was too damaged for him to care?

He nearly trembled.

Fuck, what was wrong with him?

He struggled to fight away the hideous images that came to mind. And then he had to choke on the anguished cry which threatened to leave his lips the moment that he remembered Ishizu's words. Yugi would die if he didn't go to Egypt.

And he had to go to Egypt in about twenty-nine hours.

He reached up to lace his fingers in Yugi's hair. He tugged him forward, their mouths crashing together. It was painful, almost bruising. Yami tangled his fingers and tugged gently. The smaller teen let out an almost startled noise. Then he pressed into him more firmly. His tongue laced with his, the taste of caramel and vanilla making the taller teen purr. It was always exciting when he got a taste of the other boy, especially when it had been hours without.

The smaller teen moved his fingers where they were pressed against his entrance. Yami squirmed faintly, then kissed him more firmly. His hand was rough when the taller teen tugged harder. The strands seemed almost to tug away completely. His scalp was itching and tickling. He pressed his knees against his thighs, inching them apart just the slightest bit more. The taller teen tensed, then allowed him to breach his finger to the knuckle.

"Safe word?"

Yami grumbled breathlessly against his cheek when he kissed his neck. "Fucker," he growled instead, making him laugh gently. Yugi pulled back and shot him an amused look, though part of it was serious. "Done."

He nodded, satisfied. "Knots?"

"I'd be more worried about the ones in your hair."

Yugi laughed and shook his head. Then he kissed his forehead again and quickly trailed his mouth to his again. He kissed the edges of his lips and then to the center. Yami pulled again at his hair and he pumped his finger. The taller teen tensed again briefly when he pushed the second in beside it. They settled for a moment to catch their breath. Then Yugi groaned and laughed harder when Yami let out a disgruntled growl of a noise and tugged his head back towards him again.

"You impatient asshole."

"Definitely."

He kissed him harder than before. The entire thing seemed to make his lips hurt. His jaw flexed and ached faintly. His tongue was sparking with the taste of Yami on his tongue. He smirked against his mouth when he pulled back.

Yami did not seem the least bit nervous anymore. Yugi was too relieved to second guess it. He kissed him again, then scissored his fingers. When Yami wriggled beneath him, purring into his mouth, the vibrations made him squirm. The smaller teen huffed through his nose, snickering faintly, and the purring made trills run through his spine. That usual touch of friction between them, always so warm, like sparks and fire, seemed to be growing that much more powerful. His blood was humming and his marrow felt as if it were molten.

His fingers pumped and the scissoring motion continued until the taller teen grunted into his mouth impatiently. When he ignored the noise, Yami tugged on his hair again. Yugi pulled back laughing and rolled his eyes. "All right, you asshole, lay off the hair," he teased, for a moment fascinated with the thought of kissing his nose. Had it always looked so cute? Normally Yami was regal in appearance.

Maybe he'd just never noticed how adorable his nose actually was before then.

He quirked his lips up in a wide grin, then moved to press his third finger into the other teen. Yami squirmed, tensing only minutely, and watched him with a confused expression.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"You're staring at me."

"You're directly in front of me."

"You know that's not what I mean."

Yugi snorted. "What's your point though? I'm allowed to stare."

"I don't stare at you."

"You are an impulsive shopper. I am not. I tend to have to view the merchandise before I purchase it."

Yami squirmed now. Then he quivered and arched when he brushed his prostate with the pad of his middle finger. He panted, blinking at him stupidly. "You never seemed to complain about the merchandise the other times you've purchased it," he managed to bite out, panting a little more.

"You don't usually require so much…maintenance."

This time the look on his face was one of pure shock and confusion. "Maintenance?" he asked in a bemused tone, eyes widening drastically. "You mean I really needed to get a prostate exam?"

Yugi growled low in his throat. "This is my ass. You don't take it to other people."

"Hmm…but my health—"

He scoffed and pressed his finger more firmly into his prostate. Yami squirmed and purred, arching and then dropping back against the pillows with a low, throaty moan. "I can do it better than the doctors anyways," he claimed with his chin raised. He winked at him a moment later, then kissed his forehead. "I just meant that you aren't usually so nervous, Yami."

"Oh." He was frowning and Yugi hated himself for putting that expression there. But then the other boy shrugged it off in order to kiss him and it seemed reasonable enough to just leave it where it lay. Besides, surely Yami knew he hadn't meant it in a negative way. If he had, he wouldn't have bothered to ask him so many times for the safe word. Or tried so hard to let him relax or—

Ooh, his tongue tasted really good at the moment.

Yugi slipped his fingers from him after a moment, then licked his lips as he pulled away. Yami was flushed, his eyes glazed with lust. As long as he was comfortable enough to lose himself in the sensation, then why should he do anything else?

The smaller teen positioned himself, then pressed gently into the taller teen. Yami squirmed again, but it was more with impatience than discomfort. He licked his lips, staring up at him with bright red eyes that spoke of impatience. He was not the least bit uncomfortable anymore.

Yugi pressed a kiss to his forehead, seating himself completely. He wondered when it was that he had begun to even kiss his forehead like this. Yami had done it on occasion. Once or twice, when he had left his house for whatever reason—getting ready for school after spending the night, going to baby-sit Mokuba—but Yugi usually did not do so. It was almost kind of surprising to him that he was doing this. Usually Yami would simply peck him there, say he had to run, and would be gone before he could blink.

He wondered at the behavior for a moment.

But, had he asked, Yami would have admitted that he loved it—a lot.

It was almost so comforting to him that it made him want nothing more than to lie in his arms for the rest of his life. It was reminiscent of that night in the same room, when he had allowed him to cuff him to the headboard. The affection was there, warm and open, and the touch of it made him shiver with happiness.

But Yugi had no idea what he was doing to him.

And Yami was afraid that if he admitted it, the other teen might stop.

It was childish to him, of course, but he could not fight away such an instinct. Instead he embraced it, holding it to himself with fear and wondrous desire. He would hold it in the dark and nurture it.

He felt his stomach turn.

Like he did with his grudges.

And his more prominent desires.

And his nightmares.

And his fears.

And his memories.

And his—

Yugi was suddenly beneath him. Yami was unsure when they had moved. But the smaller teen was beneath him, brow raised and eyes on his face. Yami stared at him, unable to move. His mind was racing.

His abuse.

He hid that in the dark of his thoughts too.

And fuck if there wasn't so much abuse.

He didn't remember some of it.

But what his dad had alluded to—

He let out a ragged breath. The rope knots pressed into his wrists gently. Yami stared at the other boy for a moment. That was Yugi. That was Yugi. That was Yugi. It was Yugi and he could—

He couldn't do this.

For a moment he seemed okay, simply surprised by the new position. His fingers pressed lightly against his chest, his red eyes focused on his collarbones, and his head tilted slightly to the side. He seemed puzzled, frowning faintly, and for a second he merely sat still, Yugi firmly inside of him, his hands braced against his skin, watching him. He did not move for a long minute and a half, and just when Yugi thought he might, his entire body locked in place. Every single muscle in his body became tensed, to the point that the smaller boy thought he had turned into a statue right before him.

Then his nails curled and dragged themselves towards his palms. Yugi squirmed, horrified, and his eyes nearly bugged out of his head in shock at the sensation. He hissed softly, seeing something dark and desolate creeping over the other's eyes, his face seeming to cave in on itself in the moment of horror passing through his mind. His nails dug further into his flesh, drawing so forcefully he couldn't swallow the cry of pain that bubbled out of his mouth without his permission.

Yami blinked at him slowly, unsteady, and his breathing came out in a weak whimper of confusion and shock. Still his fingers kept moving, as if he had no control over them, and a shiver racked his frame. A startling and horrifying realization crept over him now, as he noticed the taller teen's shoulders rising and his head pulling downwards, his breathing quickening. The other boy was too terrified to move, though his fingers were twitching and shaking as they curled inwards, in a raw and hideous attempt to touch his own skin again. He was too scared to keep them flattened out against his chest, so horrified and lost within in his own darkness that he didn't understand any longer what was going on. He had withdrawn into himself, becoming nothing more than a shadow of the affectionate teen he had been mere moments before.

Yugi squirmed and hissed, whimpering through his teeth, as his fingers finally began to curve, catching on his navel briefly and making him shake harder. "Fuck, Yami, stop for a second," he begged, voice soft and pleading, hoping that it might somehow reach him through the strain of his fear. But his words merely made him shake harder and his head was suddenly bowed in front of him. For a moment he expected him to whimper again, but instead his hands twitched and his nails began to dig more ferociously into his skin. A new and just as horrifying thought occurred to him.

Speaking to him might not have been the best course of action. His stomach screamed with pain as he felt skin beginning to tear under his nails, shredding as if as thin as paper. He shuddered himself and he could already feel small crescent-shaped pockets of hot blood beginning to take residence there. Yami was reacting out of self-preservation now, too scared to truly know what he was doing, but instinctively lashing out as violently as he could without drawing too much attention to himself.

His fingers missed his cheek by an inch. He was panting and gasping and choking—

"Yami—"

He tensed but the name did not resonate in his head. He jerked and his skin seemed to twitch as if something moved beneath it. He remembered scarabs from that crappy The Mummy movie he'd seen with Rebecca. He remembered the scene where they dug into his skin and ate at the muscles. Yugi blinked, reality slamming into him. Yami was dangerous when he was in a panicked state. He could easily hurt him if he was not careful. He could hurt himself worse than he already was—

"You're going to hate me for this, but…" He drew in a deep breath and his hands reached out to brace themselves against his shoulder blades. A hideous noise like a choked wail and a suffocating sob racked the other's thin frame, and Yugi trembled once in response. But he didn't release him and instead he jerked their bodies roughly to the side. Yami let out an animalistic snarl of confusion and retaliated as he had expected. His hands clawed at him harder but then shoved upwards, and his frame shook harder as he struggled against him. The roll was so brief that for a moment Yugi was unsure they had even truly managed it, but then he landed above him.

Yami kept his hands braced at his shoulders, moving their position, but his eyes were still wild. His face had twisted into a vicious sneer of hatred and confusion, the latter of which grew rapidly as he stared at him blankly. The smaller teen breathed out roughly, wincing at the way his stomach stung in several shallow cuts. He sighed softly, closing his eyes, and then opened them again to see that the other teen was beginning to somehow draw himself outwards once more.

The darker, hollow edge to his gaze was slowly slipping away like a cloud passing over the sun. His focus crawled forward with such small strides that he found himself heartbroken by the very sight of his hesitation. He frowned faintly and the other teen looked at him blankly for a moment before his eyes flickered towards the bondage rope that encased his wrists.

He screeched a second later. His hands came to brace at his shoulders, trying to force him away. His eyes grew further glazed. Yugi threw him backwards just as he had on top of him. He hit the pillows with a low cry of panic. Then he flinched away and tried to push again. The panic was clear in the way he trembled now.

Yugi received a punch to his cheek when he tried to whisper in his ear. The skin stung but the blow was so misaimed that he knew it would not hurt more than a second. No one would ever even be able to tell it had happened in the first place. Hopefully Yami wouldn't remember that later.

He grabbed at his wrists, drawing his hands from his shoulders. Then he pressed them back into the mattress. Yami let out a bellow of a noise, panicked. He thrashed once, seemed to realize he could not get away from him completely, and went unnaturally still. He lay there, panting every other second, then exhaling in gusts through his nose. His flailing did not resume. He did not try to push him away again.

"Yami, hey…"

His words seemed to die in the air. For all the reaction he gained, he might as well have never spoken. Yami did not move. He seemed to actually draw in and hold his breath now in order to keep from moving again. Yugi released his wrists, expecting him to lash out. But he keep his face pressed against the pillow and his eyes tightly closed.

"Darkness…?"

Yugi gently pressed his fingers into his hair, combing at his bangs. Yami let out a shuttering breath. The smaller teen wondered for a moment. What was it that he did only for Yami that he knew neither of his parents ever would have?

Well, besides having sex with him…

He almost groaned at himself.

Could he not take anything serious anymore?

Fuck, his boyfriend was having some kind of panic attack and he was joking to himself. How stupid could he get? How much more useless…?

Yugi drew in a deep breath, cutting the thoughts off. Then he considered himself for a moment. What did he normally do with Yami? He doubted that touching him in any way would do much for him unless he recognized exactly what it was. Combing his hair or kissing his temple, his forehead…

Yugi shook his head.

What was it that he did?

Yami always pressed his nose into his ear and breathed when he spooned him. And when he bottomed, most often he would touch his ribs and drum his fingers along the grooves of them as a signal when he was ready.

But what did he do?

What was it that he himself did?

It was something completely unconscious.

He had never done so outside of—

That was it.

Yugi leaned forward, moving close enough to press his cheek against Yami's. He nuzzled his ear, then kissed along his jaw, and rubbed noses with him. Then he pulled back, breathing a little hard, wondering if it was a mental trick that he had even thought of it. But it took a few minutes for Yami to react.

The seconds were passing too slowly for him.

He was almost panting when Yami finally cracked an eye open. His eye slid to focus on him, glazed with fear.

"Yami, hey."

He blinked and turned his head now. But his stare was blank and Yugi knew better than to try again. He was mobile. If he reacted badly to his touch, then it would be easy for Yami to overpower him in his state of panic.

And it was still brewing in his eyes.

He could see it.

It was like smoke, some kind of swirling madness.

He drew in a deep breath.

"Yami."

He stared at it for a long moment and for that brief amount of time Yugi thought he might twist his wrists until he was free of the rope. He wouldn't have stopped him, nor blamed him had he chosen to do so. But, rather, the red-eyed teen blinked and looked towards him again. His eyes grew slightly dazed but then flashed with such clear shame that he nearly trembled at the sight of it.

He repeated his name.

Yami blinked, staring harder.

There was a hint of focus in his eyes now.

"Yami—Yami."

This time the other teen reacted. He blinked and his eyes opened a little wider, surprised. The fogginess cleared from his gaze. The mist rolled away. Yugi let out a relieved breath. Then he moved to run his hand through his hair. The other teen lightly moved to finger at the knot about his wrist. His fingers touched the top, then followed the line of it as far as he could reach. Slowly he considered the rope, Yugi, and then the pink lines that trailed his boyfriend's small shoulders. He cursed loudly.

"Hey, look, relax, I'm fine." He pressed a kiss to his temple, a forgiving gesture, but it made Yami's skin burn. Yugi watched him for a moment, then kissed his cheek and the edge of his mouth. "It's okay. I'm right here. You're not going to be hurt, okay? You trust me, right?"

Shame-faced, eyes on the ceiling rather than his face, Yami nodded slightly. The smaller teen felt his blood boil for a moment. Quietly, intensely, he murmured, "Yami, you have a tongue. You can form words. Tell me if you want to keep going."

A few seconds passed. At first the silence burned at his skin. Then the taller teen opened and closed his mouth. He still wasn't looking at him. But his voice came out low, somewhat broken. "Please…" He faltered, exhaled loudly. "Keep going."

His words were earnest, his tone striking a cord somewhere deep inside the other boy. Yugi had not considered how badly his bastard of a sperm donor might have treated him before. He did not know it all—he was sure of that, if nothing else. Yami was so tight-lipped about it that he couldn't pry his mouth open with a crowbar. But it came to him now that he'd probably chained him at some point. Or perhaps they had done so at the survival camp. Yami knew how to get out of handcuffs in nanoseconds after all. It stood to reason that he'd learned the skill in order to survive at the house he had grown up in.

Yugi had not thought about it before. Yami had, after all, allowed him to cuff him to the bed. He had not considered it much before. But when he had seen him squirming and struggling and he'd clawed at him, a lot of things had clicked into place. Yami had been okay with the rope because he had been on his back. He was not on his knees or facing completely forward. He had been okay then. The moment he had flipped them over, the other teen had lost his resolve. And it had not come in shaky splinters. It had come in a blast of bred panic.

"Hey, can you look at me, Yami?"

It took him a long minute and a half. The pleading note was the only thing that did it. He would have scrunched his eyes shut otherwise, waiting for the impact. But the words and the fact that Yugi had not moved eventually made him look. And when their eyes locked his stomach twisted and his heart leaped into his throat.

Oh gods…

Yugi was looking at him as if he were one of the most precious things in the world. But there was something behind that look that scared him more. He seemed to be considering him, perhaps trying to see through him and into his own thoughts. Yami almost squirmed and the impulse to beg him to let him leave made its way through him. Still, he merely moved his fingers to press his fingers into the knots, nails running over the smooth fibers. It was okay. It was fine.

It was Yugi.

It was Yugi.

Yami drew in a breath. Then he offered him a shaky nod. "Keep going," he murmured quietly, pleading with him. It broke at the edges but it was not a true shatter of his voice nor did it come as a begging plea.

"What?"

Yami nodded slightly. "Keep going." He faltered at the incredulous look on Yugi's face. "Please…"

He was close to choking on the word. He felt like he was begging. Did it sound like that? It must have, because Yugi blinked and gave him a somewhat sad look before kissing him lightly at the edge of his mouth. When he moved again, it was slow and full of hesitation. Yami reached up to touch his shoulders, closing his eyes.

If he didn't look, it would be easier when they finished, right?

He wouldn't have to see the way his weakness had disgusted him and things would be easier.

Then, when Yugi called it quits, he wouldn't have to remember the way he stared at him as if he were disgusting and worthless.

He shivered.

Yugi pressed a kiss to his temple, then to his forehead. He trembled at the touch, but tightened his fingers on his shoulders. His right hand drifted to his ribs and he drummed his fingers slightly. The smaller teen picked up speed as he always did, honoring his request without question.

Yami melted into his body moving with Yugi's, but his mind was still racing in growing distress. He tightened his grip on his skin and whined low in his throat when the other boy buried his face into the column of his neck. He wriggled and panted and arched. And he wondered how quickly Yugi would tell him to leave…

He supposed it wouldn't be much longer a wait. Yugi had sped up. He was panting against his throat. He was gasping, nipping at his pulse. He was trying to make him come at the same time as him. But Yami was almost certain that wouldn't happen this time.

He was shaking when Yugi finally stilled. But the other boy was panting and exhausted. He was sure the stress of helping him out of his panic had not helped matters. Yugi pulled away after a moment, just enough to get his weight off of him. But he didn't pull out and he hovered instead, frowning at him.

"You didn't finish."

Yami blinked at him; had he really chosen to say that instead of kick him out immediately? The thought was truly so relieving as to make him shake. He barely managed to suppress the urge at the last possible second.

"No…"

Yugi pushed his breath out in a huff, then moved to sit back on his haunches. "Do you think you'd finish in my mouth or not so much?" he asked, eyeing him curiously for a moment. Yami stared at him as if he had lost his mind. Then he moved to sit up slightly as well. "Or I could just jerk you off with my hand. I guess it doesn't really matter one way or the other."

"What?"

The smaller teen raised a brow. "What? You don't want me to?"

"I—w-why are you offering?"

Yugi blinked and then slowly narrowed his eyes, quirking his brow in a more threatening way. His eyes glinted icily for a split second, then he shook his head slowly, voice biting for a moment. "Because you're my boyfriend and you didn't finish," he said slowly, almost as if he thought Yami were too slow to comprehend the answer any other way. "And I don't want you to not come?"

He grimaced. "Yugi, that's not necessary—"

"I know. That's why I'm offering. I haven't done anything yet."

Yami blinked and shifted his weight, uncomfortable by all means. And then his chest tightened and his stomach dropped. "Fuck, I can't even ride my own boyfriend," he spat out in a horrified tone. "I can't even ride my own boyfriend properly."

The hysterical bark of a laugh that left his lips made Yugi startle before scowling at him with a shake of his head. "Wow," he said with a cynical expression. When Yami shot him a frustrated look, Yugi burst out laughing and shook his head again, scowl hideous as he stared at him angrily again. "That's what you're worried about, Yami? The fact that you couldn't stay on top for more than a few seconds? Not the fact that you could have seriously hurt yourself?"

"I split your skin. I made you bleed," Yami snarled in response, glaring at him furiously. "That's not even slightly okay, Yugi!"

"No, it's not," he agreed, moving to pull away from him entirely. The other boy sat up straight and the two of them eyed each other with equal frustration. "It's really not. But that's not the point. If anyone should be worried about someone, it should be me about you. I am the one who triggered you."

"Triggered? You didn't—"

"You panicked, Yami!"

His ferocity cowed him for a split second. Then he sneered, "I am well aware of what happened. You aren't the one who experienced it."

"And you aren't the one who saw it."

They fell quiet for a long minute.

Yugi turned away first, glaring at his comforter and running a nail over it. His other hand moved to rub at the scratches on his stomach. The skin burned faintly, then began to lose its tension once more. "Look, it's not okay, but I…I understand why it happened, all right? It's not okay, but it makes it a lot easier to deal with."

"You shouldn't have to deal with it."

His eyes shot to his now, staring from beneath his lashes. Yami thought his gaze was glacial and his stomach cramped at the sight of it. Yugi slowly raised his head, eyes sharp and chipped with anger. "What exactly are you saying right now?" he said slowly, voice frosty enough to make his skin crawl.

"I mean that I…It's pathetic—"

"Pathetic?" Yugi shouted, throwing his arms up. "That's what you call pathetic? Having a panic attack? It's not pathetic! It's not at all. You were fucking abused as a kid, you stupid bastard. You were constantly told that being gay was wrong. You grew up in a household where your sperm donor would have punished you for not breathing the way he wanted! You barely got out of there when you were fourteen. So, please, tell me, because I'm pretty sure my definition of pathetic is all wrong, what exactly is it within that scenario and this that makes it 'pathetic', Yami?"

Yami flinched. He was breathing hard, staring at him. His nostrils were flaring. The taller teen had the impulse to try to grab the scissors, cut the ropes, and flee before Yugi could say anything else.

"Considering everything that has happened, it's actually pretty fucking amazing that you're even to this point."

Yami froze. The words were spoken so quietly that he almost did not hear them. Then he blinked, eyes stretching wide. Awkwardly, startled and unsure what more to do, the taller teen lowered his eyes to the comforter. He ran his fingers over it, ignoring the urge to both sob and puke and to flee and stay there.

He drew in a deep breath.

"Look, Yami, I just…I don't know what it is that goes on in your head sometimes," Yugi said awkwardly, unable to focus on him any longer. He licked his lips, fighting the urge to bite his nails until they bled. "But I don't think that you're pathetic. That's the farthest thing from you. I wouldn't be able to love you if you were. I don't think that I could ever get around that fact. It's…it's too stressful and jarring to consider."

Yami trembled faintly.

"And I do—by the way!"

He could feel him staring. And his body had grown so tense that Yami could not help but look up in his growing confusion. "Do what?" he asked quietly, bemused.

"Love you!" he blurted out, blushing faintly. "A lot…"

Yami did not know what to say, nor what to do to bridge this painful gap he could feel had formed between them. His own self-worth against Yugi's ideas of him had created a chasm that he had no idea how to navigate. So he did the only thing he could think to.

He leaned forward, kissing him softly, and then pressed his face into the hollow of his neck to avoid any further conversation. He reached out and wrapped his arms around him, sighing into his skin. And Yugi shuddered against him, a hollow noise leaving him for a split second. Then he rubbed at his back and Yami could feel it.

Yugi was going to try to shoulder his burden some.

The gesture was sweet.

But if Yami was already dying beneath it, how was he meant to be able to allow Yugi to do the same?

Japan is seven hours ahead of Egypt. The flight takes twelve hours and twenty-five minutes from Japan to Egypt. So, since it's early afternoon, even before school ended (which since I'm using American time instead, that puts them at around like one or two in the afternoon at the latest). So, Yami has until around twelve in the afternoon the next day that he could stay with Yugi. But that would be pushing it to the limit since all he knows is that it is meant to happen "at night". So, anyways, with that in mind, remember that I am absolutely, one-hundred-percent NOT the best at keeping up with time differences like that, so if I mess up, please bear with me.

Anyways, so that is why Yami lists it as about twenty-nine hours before he has to go to Egypt (basically he's taking the flight time into account, the night that he can spend there with Yugi until early morning, and the time difference of when he arrives considering the seven hour gap). So, yeah, that's where the math comes from. If I'm wrong, please feel free to correct me. Don't do it negatively though, cause I know I suck at math. Thanks.

Also, so that everyone is on the same page, Yugi wasn't going to keep going if Yami wasn't okay (and he was going to just lay with him instead of finishing until Yami pleaded with him to keep going). This is going to be an important point later in the story, by the way. So, why did Yami tell him to keep going? He felt guilty for not being able to give Yugi something that he'd clearly wanted for a while now. Yami's logic is pretty screwed up from everything that's happened in his childhood, as I'm sure anyone who knows a person who's been in a similar situation damn well KNOWS. Yami regresses hard and fast, just for everyone's sake of warning. I don't think I explained that well enough before. I don't want anyone to be unprepared for it.