Unbecoming Chapter Seven

Story Summary: In the aftermath of her divorce, a heartbroken Bella Swan looks for danger to give meaning to her life. If only her hot ex-husband would stay out of the picture. ExB AH

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of its author. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media. Copyright infringement is not intended, nor will I ever make a dime from this fanfiction. So there.

Many thanks to LJ Summers, prettyflour, and detochkina for the beta work. Thanks as well to EternalSummer79, Kristin Hazzard, Mamabean30, Twilover76, pomme_de_terre, Mutt N. Feathers, and perrymaxwell for the pre-reading.

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Thanks to AnonymouslySufferingFromOCD who wrote a lovely review of The Stench Wars on Indie Fic Pimp's blog.

You can find me on Twitter at BookishQua


Growing up, I had to learn all sorts of rules in order to get by in polite society. For example, I couldn't wear white certain times of the year. Everyone older than the age of twenty was to be addressed as Ma'am or Sir. Don't speak unless spoken to: a rule I had no problem following to the letter. Absolutely no swearing, spitting, chewing gum, or smoking in public. If I were caught doing something vulgar, my parents would hear about it before I reached home. Mom said that the women really ran the town; they just let the men think that they did, and that was the most important rule of them all.

During the last week of our senior year, I overheard Angela Weber crying in the parking lot before school.

Jessica Stanley asked, "What's wrong?"

"I can't go to college."

"Why?"

Angela sobbed harder.

"My parents have been acting weird about me applying to colleges all year. I ignored them and sent off to go to four schools. I got into all of them. Mom and Dad told me that I don't have a college fund so I can't go."

"I don't understand."

"When I was born my grandparents started a college fund for me. I heard about it my whole life."

"Okay."

"My parents cashed it in to pay for my brother since he's the man who will carry on the family name. He picked an expensive school and joined a fraternity that costs more money than my family can afford. So they just gave him all of mine and told me that I was ungrateful for being upset about it."

"Oh. Wow. What do they expect you to do?"

"Find a husband and get married. My brother flunked most of his classes this year. That's what's really ironic. I'm in the top ten and I can't go to college."

"Go see the guidance counselor. Tell her what happened. She can help, I bet. I mean you already have been accepted at a bunch of schools, right?"

Angela wiped her eyes. "That's a great idea. Thanks, Jess." They both left without ever noticing me.

I was about to leave when I heard Jessica say, "Lauren, you dyed your hair brown. What's up with that?"

"My boyfriend thinks it's hot. He asked me to and even gave me money to have it done at a salon."

"You mean the one you won't tell me who he is? That boyfriend? That's a huge hickey on your neck. What the heck did you do last night?"

"Lost my virginity." She sighed and lowered her voice. "He's older. It was so worth it. We're doing it again tonight. I can't wait. He said he's going to teach me a new game."

Ew. I waited for them to leave before fleeing and devoutly wishing I could bleach my brain.

Uncle Aro and Aunt Cicy were visiting.

Over dinner, I asked, "Uncle Aro, did you mean it when you told me to ask for anything when I graduated from high school?"

"I always keep my promises, dear child. What is it you'd like?"

Uncle Eleazar said, "I owe you a gift, too. So I'm interested in hearing what you have to say."

"I'd like to help my friend Angela go to school. I just don't want her to know it came from me. Her parents gave her college fund to her brother because he's a guy and told her she couldn't go."

I'm not sure why, but Mom started crying. So did Aunt Cicy.

"You don't want anything for yourself?" Uncle Aro asked.

"And you are serious about making sure she does not know of your involvement?" Eleazar queried with a fond smile.

"No, Uncle Aro, I don't want anything. Yes, Uncle Eleazar, I rather she not know it was my idea. It would embarrass her."

Aunt Cicy asked, "Has she applied to St. Catherine's with you?"

"Yes. She's a good student. She's in the top ten of our class."

"I'm on the board of directors for St. Catherine's," Eleazar said. "I'll talk to the financial aid office and see what we can do."

Uncle Aro kissed my cheek. "I'll make a few calls, too, dear. I'm very proud of you."

Eleazar patted my hand and said to Esme, "You raised this one right."

The next week, Angela got the news through the guidance counselor at school that she had earned a scholarship to St. Catherine's. I heard her telling Jessica and Lauren about it but never felt tempted to tell her my role in it. Simply knowing she could go made me happy. It was the best early birthday gift ever.

The sound of a tray rattling brought me back to the present in my hospital room. Jane had taken away my half-eaten lunch. Odd that I thought of my high school days. Angela and I had stayed friendly. Jessica had gone off to another school, and Lauren had surprised no one by running away from home in the middle of the night, leaving her parents a letter claiming to have a rich boyfriend that would see to her every need. No one ever saw her again. Now, upon further reflection, I couldn't blame her for wanting to get out of town. I had thought her foolish at the time she left, but maybe she was the smartest one of us all.

I woke up to find Alice sitting by me typing rapidly on her laptop. She peered at me owlishly through her reading glasses and asked, "You're really not going to talk to any of the press?"

I shuddered. "Heck, no."

"Why? You're considered a hero. Even the producers from Letterman and Leno are begging you in emails to come on their shows." Her nimble fingers flew over the keys. "Look, I know you're shy. But, reading through these offers, some of them are offering to pay gobs of money to your favorite charity if you'll talk to them."

"I hate talking and I'm not going to discuss my private life with the press for any amount of money. So no. I've just ignored their emails."

"You can't hide from them forever, Bella."

"Want to bet?"

"Is that what you were doing when you went to Africa?"

I stilled. "I don't know what you mean."

"You didn't tell anyone where you were going, Bella. You didn't leave a forwarding address. It was like you vanished and erased all traces of yourself. Edward was beside himself."

She and Edward weren't close. I had no idea how she knew all of that. Edward wasn't the type to share his feelings with anyone outside of the family.

My voice trembled and broke. "You don't understand. I lost everything that ever mattered to me. I had nothing."

"I know, honey."

"I had nothing left to run away from, Alice. I just wanted to be left in peace, and I knew that wouldn't happen here."

She took my hand and squeezed. "I'd hug you, but I know your shoulder wouldn't like that. You always have me. No matter what."

I squeezed back. "Thanks."

Alice returned to her office. I curled up in my bed and used the e-reader that Emmett had given me. Liam shuffled into the room behind a rolling bucket of water that smelled of pine.

His uniform seemed like it had been freshly ironed. He offered me a rare shy smile before his eyes skittered away.

"Hi, Liam."

He put another box of chocolates on the table for me.

"Oh, how sweet! Here, you get to try the first one."

This time he didn't argue. He popped it into his mouth and smiled as he chewed. I expected to hear him say something, but suddenly he looked unsure of himself. He rubbed at his throat.

"Liam, are you okay?"

His face became grave as he weakly coughed.

He almost seemed to fall in slow motion. Liam hit the floor hard and started convulsing.

"Help!" I yelled. I crawled out of the bed and fell to my knees beside him.

Tanya and Jane came running. Jane efficiently moved me out of the way. My room was soon stuffed with people frantically working on Liam. I sat there, numb, crying as they hauled him out of the room shouting the entire time.

Edward picked then to show up. He stared around my empty room. I couldn't stop staring at the lonely bucket and mop.

"Sunshine? What's wrong?"

"Liam. One second he was eating chocolate and then he collapsed."

"What chocolates?"

"The ones on the end table. I don't get it. He brought me the same kind last week and ate them and was fine."

"Did you eat any?"

"No."

Edward slipped it into a glove and said, "I'll take a look at this at the lab."

He had that far-away gaze he usually got when he was theorizing.

"Shouldn't you leave that for the police?"

"Around here? They don't have the equipment to test it. I do. And the local police are all but useless. Trust me, I've had entirely too much to do with them lately."

As he walked out of the room he said to the guards, "No one but Jane or Tanya brings any kind of food in here from now on."

"Yes, Dr. Cullen."

Liam ended up in intensive care. They wouldn't let me see him, and Tanya told me that things were not looking well for him. I didn't consider myself to be particularly religious, but I prayed for him.

I received my clearance to leave the hospital the next day from a wistful colleague of Edward's, who acted like he had half a mind to hospitalize me to keep my ex happy.

Tanya and Jane brought me a gift card so I could buy more ebooks. With Mrs. Bishop's help, I got them a gift certificate to a local restaurant. I might not have liked being in the hospital much, but those two made it bearable.

Mrs. Bishop stopped by as I finished packing my suitcase.

"You ready?"

"Yes."

"Want to stay for a few days before you go?"

"Thank you, but I have a ticket to leave today. Aren't you late for your card game?"

"Bah. They can wait." She hugged me gently. "Keep in touch, Bella. Don't forget to call me."

I squeezed back and said, "Thank you for everything."

"You're worth it." She shuffled down the hall.

I stopped by Alice's office.

She asked, "So, you're off?"

"Yeah. I have a cab on its way."

"Are you sure you don't want to stay with me for a few days? You still look really beat, Bella."

"Thank you, but I need to go." Gingerly, I gave her a one-armed quasi-hug and kissed her cheek.

"Be safe. Email me when you get in."

"Promise." I wanted to get out of there before I had to fight Edward off.

Speak of the devil. As I was walking to my cab, I found him dogging my heels. I tried to ignore how the sunlight made his hair shine, how he seemed to have a spring in his step.

He reached for my good shoulder, and I only just managed to step out of his range.

Edward huffed in frustration. "I can take you home."

"That would be difficult."

"I have my car," he insisted.

I might have been accused of talking to him like he belonged riding the short bus to school.

"That's nice, but I don't have a home, here."

"Of course you do." He chuckled. "I left you a perfectly good house and two cars." He said that so reasonably. My fist itched with the desire to deck him then and there.

"Which I donated to an organization for abused children a few weeks after our divorce."

It was rare I caught him off-guard and gawping like that. I almost smiled.

"The house was worth a fortune."

Oops. Without him, it hadn't been anything more than a shell of the life I once had. I couldn't bear to set foot in it.

"So what?"

He stared at me as if I had grown another set of arms and legs. "Bella, why did you do that?"

He acted like he genuinely cared. What a crock. I knew better. This was the man who had ignored my phone calls I had worked up the courage to make and insisted that I communicate with him through his lawyer.

My mind wandered as I walked. Someone had tried to decorate the entryway of the hospital to look like a home. Staring at the walls evoked more than a few memories. It was the little things - the mundane things - that come with a breakup that kill you piece by piece. The plaque that I'd made in Arts and Crafts class in the eighth grade. The one that said, "The Cullen Family," as it hung from the kitchen wall, mocked me. So I took it down, smashed it to bits with a hammer, and threw it away.

Edward had always been the one to record the greeting message on our answering machine since I was not a fan of talking. Changing it, for example, had proved painful. It took eight tries. A stuttering, stammering mess, I had to remind myself to stop saying his name. That he'd be returning your call if you left a good enough message. In the end the recording was so bad, I'd just turned the machine off. No one ever called me, anyway. But the pain didn't stop at electronic appliances.

I'd come home the day I'd been served divorce papers at work, saw our wedding pictures mocking me from the walls and lost it. I went to the office, took the shredder and spent four hours meticulously shredding every single picture from my life. I'd hoped it would be cathartic but instead felt even more depressed when I saw all the empty albums and picture frames. After I took the last bag out to the trash, I curled up in a ball on the floor and cried until I fell asleep.

On forms, I had to erase when I, by habit, checked "married," and instead put a sullen star in the "single" box. When I was filling out an order form for address labels, I reached my breaking point at seeing my name and only my name - my birth name at that. Going to the mailbox that day, I'd broken down and bawled at the pile of letters that had Cullen on them. I had been a Cullen for so long, I didn't even know how to go about being a Swan.

Mrs. Bishop had found me and took me back to her house. She didn't say a word, just patted my hand as I cried in her arms. The next day she helped me go through all of my jewelry. Every piece that was a Cullen heirloom I sent to Edward's lawyer. Everything else, from the ring he got me out of a gumball machine when I was thirteen, to the sapphire necklace he'd given me for our first anniversary, I donated to Esme's favorite charity for their annual auction or threw in the trash.

Two weeks later, I signed the house over to a small charity from another state that Edward's family knew nothing about and boarded a plane to Africa. I left no forwarding address. In the months I worked there, I never heard from Edward or any other Cullen. It may have been a forgotten hell on earth, but at least in one respect it was bliss.

I could tell Edward wouldn't understand why I had to leave, so I saved my words. He had moved on from me with effortless ease. I hadn't heard of him dating anyone - which seemed odd. I had expected him to be remarried by now. I was sure Esme had the perfect names of her future two-point-five grandchildren already picked out and a list of appropriate candidates from the "right" kind of families.

The splash of muddy water from a car driving by brought me back to the present, as Edward wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me away from a certain soaking just in time. We stood in front of the hospital, under the eaves to stay out of the heavy rain. Edward could roll with the punches.

He used his "I'm attempting to be professional" voice and asked, "So, you're in an apartment?"

"Yes."

"Where?" He tossed his keys in the air, a gesture I once had found endearing.

"Overseas."

"I beg your pardon?" The keys fell to the concrete and splayed there with twisted limbs like a jumper.

I gritted my teeth at him in the parody of a smile. "I am going to my new apartment and will try to get on with my life. You should do the same. Thank you for arranging my medical care. Please tell Mr. Jenks how much I owe you. This really is goodbye, Edward. I'm not coming back."

I was so proud of myself for saying that calmly. Like an adult. Like I meant it. Truth be told, I wasn't sure that I could get on with my life. I felt like someone who had accidentally sliced open my hand and then waited in morbid fascination to see how badly it bled.

I slipped into the waiting cab, tossed a roll of money at the driver and said, "Please take me to the airport."

Edward had this devastated expression on his face. I must have been imagining things. I saw Emmett appear out of the crowd and hold Edward by the arm.

As the cab pulled away, I heard Edward splutter, "But you don't even speak another language."

I didn't look at him no matter how badly I was tempted as the cab drove away. Guess I'd have to learn the language fast. I was now on my way to teach English to recovering victims of human trafficking in Prague.

For once, my name had done me good. My new employers had jumped at the chance to hire me, and it was nice to feel wanted.

Alec picked me up at the airport in Prague. I caught him staring over my shoulder.

"What are you looking at?"

He flashed me a practiced smile. "Just wanted to make sure your ex didn't stow away on the plane. Welcome to Prague."

He had a coat over his arm that he tossed to me. "Put this on."

I had to almost run to keep up with him, he walked so fast. We turned around a corner and I yelped as Alec lifted me from the ground and ducked into a nearby narrow corridor. He covered my mouth with his palm and signaled for me to be quiet. It was dim in the passage. I saw a dark-haired man walk past in a hurry.

"Do you know him?" Alec whispered in my ear.

"I didn't really get a good look at him, but I don't think so."

"He was definitely following us. Keep an eye out for anything unusual."

"Could he be from the press?"

"Maybe." He didn't seem convinced. It took us an hour to reach my apartment building because Alec kept changing directions and doubling back to make sure we weren't being followed.

"You're awfully good at this eluding people stuff. Where'd you learn it?" I asked.

"I used to be Special Forces."

I didn't quite know what to say to that. "Aren't those the Rambo guys that living the jungle and eat bugs and stuff?"

"Those are the sissies that play us on movies. We much scarier in person. Handsome, too."

Joker. I scoffed at him.

Alec waved at a large stone building. "This is where you'll be staying. I'm living a floor above you."

"You said I'd be boarding with someone?"

"Yeah, it is a great way for you to pick up the language. The landlady's family will be taking you in. They have a nice guest room."

He left unstated that since my name didn't appear on any paperwork, that I'd definitely be difficult to find.

We left my luggage in my room and went into the office. It was located in a part of town that had a foot in two neighborhoods. One was older and wealthy - the other young and poor.

"This is not the best part of town. Don't walk around alone here. Either Tyler or I will keep you company. Before you ask, we do that with all the female staff."

"Dude! You're back!" A tall skinny guy with a scruff of a goatee came up and shook my hand. "I'm Tyler."

"I'm Bella."

"So I hear you teach."

"I used to. What do you need me to do?"

"Teach English to adults so they can find a job with a company that requires the language. We have connections with a lot of American and British companies that set up help desks here in Prague." He pointed to a stack of books on a desk. "That's for you. Pick the book you like and I'll order more."

I rolled up my sleeves and got to work.

Three days later, I got an email from Emmett saying, "Eddie-boy's saying you have three months to get home or he's coming after you. Don't worry; Carlisle has his passport and told him to give you space."

I chortled as I typed. "He'd have to find me first."

I never made the same mistake twice. My name appeared on nothing, and there were forty other organizations in the region that did the same work we did. Good luck. I had picked the one that didn't have a website and did have deep pockets. And I had my secret weapon of Alec. I'd like to see Edward try to get me fired now.

The nerve. He left me. He broke my heart. He was the one that forsook our vows after five years of wedded bliss. So he had no right to try and tell me how to live my life. Jerk. I poured myself into work and pushed thoughts of him out of my mind.

There was so much to do in Prague. I woke up at dawn and literally worked until I could barely stand, grabbing sleep when I could. The rest of the world fell away, like it always did when I focused. The weather certainly proved different than the sauna of Africa. As far as the language, well, in a week I picked up just enough Czech to get myself into a really good bar fight. I'd never had an ear for languages, which is why I found it so serendipitous that I could understand Czech so easily. The family I lived with spoiled me rotten even though I only saw them at night. My landlady was determined that I would gain weight under her roof and fixed dinners that were fantastic. I tried to eat all the food, but I got full really fast.

When you live in a place where you don't speak the language, it can be lonely. You have to work to understand what is going on around you and, many times, it's just easier tuning it out. Although I had a basic understanding of Czech, I didn't of the other languages that were spoken around me. I became used to keeping my own company. Alec had to travel a lot, so I didn't see much of him. And we had another set of offices on the other side of town that he worked from most of the time.

The schedule and the workload began to get to me. I started sleeping the second I arrived in my small room. Sometimes I'd skip meals so I could get in more time in bed. I felt like I could sleep forever, and it took all my energy to get out of bed in the morning. I guess it would take a while to get over that virus.

Although my landlady fed me dinner; I was on my own for the other meals. Half the time, I couldn't decide what I wanted to eat for breakfast so I'd end up skipping it. I lived on coffee.

I'd been in Prague for ten days. While walking to work, I heard someone call my name in English. I turned. I vaguely recognized the handsome man with piercing eyes and spiky black hair. I had a good memory for faces, but a bad one for names. I'd seen him at a formal because I could imagine him in a tuxedo.

"Isabella, so nice to see you."

No one who knew me called me Isabella.

"I'm sorry, I don't recall who you are." I blushed.

The way his eyes roamed over me made me squirm. I felt like a piece of meat.

"We only met once years ago, child. My name is Alexander Volturi. I am one of your family's accountants." Considering he was probably in his early forties to my late twenties, calling me child seemed a stretch. Creepy, too.

I blinked at him, confused. "Do you mean the Cullens?"

"Yes. I keep Carlisle and Esme's accounts."

"They're not my family anymore. I'm divorced."

I wanted to bite my tongue off. This conversation had quickly become awkward – not to mention none of his business.

"And you don't talk to them?"

"Never."

"A shame. Lovely people. I am staying at this hotel." He pointed to a small establishment. "Their food is superb. Would you do me the honor of joining me for dinner? I must discuss some of your family accounts with you."

"I have no connection to the Cullens."

"Regardless, the money is yours. I came all the way to see you."

The hotel was a public place. I could always leave. Yet something in me resisted. I felt like the person in the movie theater saying to the character on the screen, "Don't walk through that door!"

"I work late today. I am off at eight."

"A late dinner it is. I will meet you then." He shook my hand and handed me a business card.

I extricated myself as quickly as possible. I could feel his eyes on the back of my neck as I walked away. Something in my gut told me to run. It took all my discipline not to bolt. I sighed in relief when I turned a corner, putting me out of his sight. I put my head down against the bitter wind and made my way to work.

Because my office was in a dodgy part of town, we had security around our classes to make sure that the wrong type of people didn't come looking for our students –security being in the form of Karel, our guard. Tyler, my boss, warned me to be aware that people might take advantage of my newcomer status and try to learn the names of our students in casual conversation. It made me paranoid. When I arrived at the office I got online. Alec IM'd me.

A: What's up, rabblerouser?

B: Met weird guy that made the short hairs on the back of my neck stand up on the way to work.

A: Did he threaten you?

B: No, his nose is still in one piece. He told me that he does accounting for the Cullens and handles an account of mine. I have no money left with them. He wants to have dinner tonight to discuss my account.

A: What's his name? I'll look into it.

B: Alexander Volturi.

A: Stay out of trouble. I'll get back to you.

B: Thanks.

Those were famous last words from Alec. It's like he jinxed me.

Fifteen minutes into my first class of the day, a man burst into the room and grabbed the arm of our administrative assistant Anya.

He talked so fast. My Czech wasn't good enough to figure out what he snarled at her, but I certainly understood by the desperate, "Help, Miss Bella!" that she didn't want to be anywhere near him.

When he punched her in the face, I saw red.

"Class, remember what I said to do if someone bad got in here?"

I lifted a heavy desk by the legs and repeatedly applied said object to the back of the startled thug's skull. He howled and fell to the ground and lunged for me. So I hit the bastard again even harder. Anya backed away and ran to the door shouting for help. A few male students helped by placing kicks in the man's ribcage as they seemed to think this activity was fun.

"Miss Bella, you are well?" Karel, our security guard asked while keeping a wary eye out on the man on the floor.

One of my students said, "He is unconscious."

I guess that meant I could put the desk down. My arms shook with the effort of holding it.

Karel offered to fetch an ambulance for him.

One of my students pointed to the man's blood-splattered Rolex with wide eyes and said in halting English, "He is very rich."

"So?"

"He has powerful family. You should leave. Bad for you to stay."

From behind me, I heard a low voice say, "My thoughts exactly. I've already packed for you. Your landlady is charming."

Edward placed my battered suitcase on the ground. I blinked at him in shock.

How did he get here?

He canted his head at the man on the floor, noted he was still breathing and asked, "Which one of you did that?"

My students pointed, smiling, to me. I waved my fingertips at my ex.

"Bella, what did you hit him with?"

"Just a desk." I leaned casually on one. "Anya, are you okay?"

"Yes, Miss Bella. Thank you."

Edward's eyes bugged out of his head, his face turned red, and then white. He muttered something about lawyers and jail, and corrupt officials, took a deep breath, grabbed my hand, and tugged me from the room.

Once we were out the door, I pulled on his arm and asked, "What are you doing?"

"We're taking a vacation for your safety."

The phone on my desk rang. "Hold that thought." I picked it up.

It was Alec. He said, "I have a feeling you're causing trouble. My Spidey Sense is pinging."

"Um, well, yeah. Kinda."

He sounded like a salesman as he cajoled. "Tell your good friend Alec what you've done."

"Hit some guy with a desk. He was trying to kidnap Anya."

"Oh, is that all?"

I snorted.

Alec became all business. "Is Anya okay?"

"She's shaken up, but I think she's fine. Can you keep an eye out on her? He hit her in the face."

"Sure. I'm on my way over. Is the attacker alive?"

"They called an ambulance for him. He's out cold. Some of the students are worried because they said the guy is rich and powerful."

"That could be a problem. Why don't you take a vacation for a few days? Get out of the country. Email me every night. I'll see what I can do."

"You're a lifesaver. Edward just showed up."

"Only for you, buddy. Stay safe. Don't kill the ex."

Knowing my ex's predilection for planning things to the last detail, he probably already had tickets for us both. This time, for strategic purposes, I was not going to fight with him.

I asked Edward, "Why are you here?"

"Liam is dead. He was poisoned with chocolates that were meant for you."

I had a hard time wrapping my mind around that. Who wanted me dead? Aside from that thug in the other room? Poor Liam. My bad luck was still contagious.

"We're leaving," Edward said as if he expected me to pitch a fit.

"Fine." I felt numb.

He did a double-take, which I ignored. Then he placed a palm on my forehead.

"What?" I tried not to back away.

"You aren't arguing. My Bella is back!"

He looked so happy. So I said nothing. Cruel reality with her bitter truths would soon dispel the illusion he had.

Being that close to Edward made me nervous. I didn't say a word as he drove his rental car to the airport. We flew to London, and then onto the States. I held my tongue during our several-hour flight across the Atlantic. Emmett's e-reader proved to be a Godsend.

We had a layover in Atlanta. He was on his second reading of the Wall Street Journal when he commented, "Who was that on the phone you were talking to earlier?"

"Where?"

"In your office, before we left."

"That was Alec."

"The doctor?"

"The very same."

Edward's tone became cautious. "What is he to you?"

"A friend who saved my life. More than once."

Alec called me a walking tornado as I constantly found ways to injure myself that he considered fiendishly creative.

Edward relaxed a bit. "Your friends in the Junior League have been asking about you."

Please. I had no friends in that group. Besides, politics with them was almost as insane as surviving an African war lord's wrath, just slightly less civilized.

I snorted at my ex. "I can't imagine why. None of them liked me." Esme ran that group. Aside from giving them all my jewelry to auction for charity, I'd had no contact with them after they disinvited me to their meetings.

He shook his head and seemed so sad. "But you did have friends there, Bella. You left them all behind."

"Not anyone that mattered."

He flinched at that. He just didn't get it. "Are you including the family in that?"

By that I think he meant his family, the Cullens. They certainly weren't mine.

"Hmm, let's see . . . um, yeah."

When I lost the baby, I had to take a cab home on Christmas Eve. The cab driver had felt so bad for me, he had refused to accept money, and had helped me to the door of my house. I had cried sitting underneath an empty tree clutching a baby blanket I had knitted. I clenched my hands together in my lap at the memory. I would never celebrate that holiday again.

I didn't think I could count on either Alice or Emmett to bail me out of jail at three in the morning. So that meant assaulting my ex-husband was not going to happen. Yet. But a girl could dream.

Edward mumbled, "They love and miss you."

"They love me? Please." I twisted my lips and stared anywhere but at him. "They couldn't even be bothered to interrupt their precious family vacation when I was in the hospital."

I rolled my eyes to hide the grimace his words produced. His family loved me? Could have fooled me. Oh wait. Already did. Not falling for that again. Perhaps my bitterness showed. Edward almost appeared nervous for a moment. I had to have imagined that. Nothing ever flustered my smooth talking ex-husband.

"We were out of cell phone range when you called. I came as soon as I heard. You were gone from the hospital."

He had to be lying. If he had come, he would have moved heaven and earth to find me.

"Were your fingers broken? I had a cell phone back then." It surprised me how emotionless my voice sounded.

He almost sounded like he was begging. "There's so much more to the story than you know."

"Save it. It doesn't matter anymore."

His voice was soft, his arm at my shoulder gentle. "Come on." He led me to a shuttle.

I shook him off. "What now?"

"You are weaving on your feet. We're going to get some rest. This will take us to our hotel."

I stopped paying attention at that point. When we arrived at our lodging, Edward took me by the hand and refused to let go of me when making arrangements for a room.

"Welcome, Dr. Cullen," the twiggy, red-headed night receptionist cooed, "we have your room waiting just like you ordered."

"Thank you." He accepted the keys.

I disguised my laughter at her excessive fondling of his fingers by pretending to cough. She narrowed her eyes at me when he wasn't looking and gave me the stink eye. Running my fingers through my hair, I discreetly flipped her off. Edward, of course, saw nothing. Oh, if Esme could see me now, she'd be properly horrified and have a conniption fit. Instead of wearing the skirts and twin sets she had purchased for me, I was in jeans, a long-sleeved t-shirt, and sneakers. My face had no makeup. My fancy watch that Edward had gifted me for my birthday had been traded in for a cheap plastic one worth two dollars.

We turned to leave and the clerk blurted, "You wanted a single room. With a king-sized bed, right?" I ignored her desperate attempt to get into Edward's good graces.

He put an arm around me and answered, "Thank you, Vicky. We'll be fine."

King-sized bed? What. The. Hell. If he thought he was getting lucky tonight, I'd feed him his testicles. I'd make Lorena Bobbit seem like an underachieving rank amateur.

I asked, "Vicky, do you have a suite available, with two bedrooms?"

"Yes, I do."

"Goody. I want it." She handed us our new hotel keys. I leaned toward her and whispered, "Sometimes we get kind of loud." Then I blushed scarlet.

Edward almost swallowed his tongue as I bobbled past. I stopped at their complementary office to send Alec a quick email letting him know I had arrived in one piece.

"Come on. You look beat," Edward said. He put an arm at my waist as we walked to the elevator.

We had always stayed in hotel rooms with large beds when we had been married. But back then, when we had lived together, we had never fought. We were both neat and cleaned up after ourselves. Edward bordered on OCD, probably due to all that medical school and I'd learned how to clean from him. My jaunt down memory lane came to a grinding halt when he pulled me into our room.

Like a gargoyle, a garish Christmas tree squatted in the corner of the room and twinkled maliciously. The breeze from the heater made the silver tinsel sway like Spanish moss. I literally hadn't seen a Christmas tree since that awful night. A wave of anguish swept over me.

"What's wrong?"

I was on the verge of tears, suddenly thinking of last Christmas. "Have them get that tree out of here," I whispered and almost sprinted for the bathroom to lose my dinner.

As I retched, I felt his hand at my neck. When I finished, he helped me to my feet. I rinsed my mouth out and refused to meet his eyes. I cringed when he felt my forehead.

"You're not running a temperature."

"I know."

"Do you have a headache?"

"A little. Yeah."

He sounded so sad. "You always loved Christmas. It's only a tree. It can't hurt you."

I felt like the Grinch that stole Christmas. "I don't celebrate Christmas any more. It's the tree or me. This room isn't big enough for both of us."

"I'll take care of it."

Without putting much thought into it, I grabbed my pajamas from my small suitcase and took my shower. I had always taken them at night, so he could have them in the morning without worrying about me being in his way. It felt so awkward doing routine things that I used to take for granted. For the first time ever, I locked the bathroom door to make sure I didn't have company.

I stared at my body in the mirror. The dark circles under my eyes were almost the purple of a pansy. I needed to gain at least ten pounds. The scars from the surgeries were bright red. But at least I was still in one piece.

My bathroom in Prague had been tiny. Standing in this shower felt fantastic, especially after spending all that time in Africa without running water. I washed my hair twice simply because I could. And I spent five minutes scouring my teeth and gargling to rid my mouth of the sour aftertaste getting sick left behind.

The tree and garish Christmas decorations were gone when I emerged. Edward handed me a glass of soda. I found him standing over my open suitcase, squinting at it.

"I ordered you some eggs and toast from room service."

"Thank you."

"Bella, where are your things?"

"What do you mean?"

"Your room was so empty. I didn't see a single picture. Surely you have more than . . . this." He pointed to the three pairs of jeans, five tops, two bras, and assorted underwear and socks. I also owned two pairs of shoes. And a coat Alec had given me.

"No, I don't."

"You didn't put everything in storage?"

"No."

"I left you the library. You had enough clothes to choke your fashionista friend, Alice. We had to build an extra closet to hold them."

"I gave them to charity."

He stared at me and gestured at my shirt. "Your clothes?"

I nodded eagerly.

"All of them?" His voice sounded strangled.

"Including the wedding dress. A crack whore wore it a week later. Renesmee was lovely in it."

A vein in his forehead started to throb. He stepped forward so close I could smell his cologne.

"And the books? You loved them. We spent years acquiring them."

Right. It had been my passion, but he had helped me find most of them, and I couldn't bear to see them and remember each memory that plagued me. I suppose the books were like the unwanted children of a divorced couple –no one wanted constant reminders that they had once been happy.

"The most expensive half went to Friends of the Library for their annual book sale, the others I mailed to an orphanage in Nuevo Laredo."

I turned my back on him and closed my suitcase, sliding it under the bed. And I totally pretended that I did not catch him checking out my rear. I didn't realize until I caught his gaze, that I had been rubbing my abdomen. Silly me. The baby was no longer there. He wouldn't understand that I had to leave the house because I couldn't cope with having the dream nursery set up and waiting for nothing.

"So you're telling me you gave away our entire house?"

I offered him a watery smile. "Down to the last piece of silverware."

"That belonged to your birth parents. That was all you had left of them."

I shrugged.

"I have their name. That's enough."

Edward sank down on the bed like his knees could no longer support him. "Bella, you loved those books."

He still didn't get it. "Lot of good that did me. Now they have a better home." I shrugged, climbed into my side of the bed, and pulled the quilt over my head. It wasn't his fault I had lost the baby.

Edward's questions were making me jittery. "But – "

Then I did what I had never done in all the years we had been together. "Done talking." I pointed toward the door. "Your bed is that way."

I could have sworn I heard him grumble, "So stubborn. Tomorrow then," under his breath.

I ignored him.

"Sooner or later you're going to have to listen to me. We need to talk first thing tomorrow. Your safety depends on it."

He didn't get that I didn't care. You can't kill what's already dead.

I squeezed my eyes shut like a child hiding from monsters at bedtime and proceeded to slink away into sleep.


Please review.

AN: Lauren's boyfriend was NOT Edward. OMG. LOL. Ew. double ew.

And um, next chapter is a big deal. That's all I'm saying. *evil laugh*

References

For more on Lorena Bobbit

http:/www (dot) cbsnews (dot) com/stories/2008/06/25/earlyshow/leisure/celebspot/main4207517 (dot) shtml