G4MZ33 1S S1LLY, K4RK4T 1S J34LOUS

Gamzee strolled through aisle after aisle of human electronics, that ever present grin held fast unwaveringly as he went. The tall troll had a bit of an awkward gait, as if he were trying to appear aloof and relaxed but just couldn't quite manage to stay loose enough for it. His hands were buried deep into the pockets of his still somewhat damp black and grey spotted pants, mostly in a feeble attempt to hide their occasional twitch or spasm. Indigo and yellow eyes shifted continuously, tracking everything that moved as it walked across his line of sight.

The Capricorn was currently lagging far behind the other seven, too preoccupied with his own state to be paying much attention to what they were all talking about. After a fairly uneventful ride in the black four wheeled beast, they had arrived at this human electronics 'store' which they were apparently going to be buying 'cell phones' from. From what the taller troll had heard on the way, it sounded like this was a change from the original plan which had been to go get clothes or something.

Gamzee didn't care one motherfucking bit.

What the Capricorn did care about was how being confined in that little space had made him feel. It had started off as just a little bit of uneasiness when the door shut; him looking around and suddenly feeling very…

Trapped.

It wasn't very motherfucking mirthful; not very chill at all. His long, lanky build hadn't exactly made things easier either and he had had very little room in which to stretch out. It wasn't natural, being all up and caged in, and Gamzee had sworn that the walls were getting closer, trying to scrunch him up into their little box shape.

His only little miracle had been that the 'mini bar' had contained some of his wicked elixir. He had cracked open the neck of a strawberry Faygo so fast that some of the fizz had spilled out onto his hand, and now that he thought of it, his fingers were still a little bit sticky from that. It was alright though; the frosty brew had calmed him some, enabling him to make it through the drive. He honestly didn't know if he was more thankful for his sake or for the others' sakes that it hadn't taken very long to get there.

Probably a little of both those motherfucking things.

Gamzee had been the first one out of the evil four wheeled beast, all but making a mad dash out and into the parking lot of the electronics store. He'd eventually rejoined the group, mostly due to the corralling and yelling of his moirail, and now he just had to keep himself calm. He was still feeling very on edge and anxious, much too antsy to follow anything going on around him, but that was something he could handle. The Capricorn just had to keep chill.

Keeping chill wasn't proving to be any problem for Karkat, on the other hand, who had his arms wrapped tightly around himself to try and retain his body heat. He wouldn't be so fucking cold if that stupid meddlesome fussyfangs hadn't decided to force-clean his clothes. Now they were walking around this pitiful collection of inferior human technology that, for some inexplicable reason, just had to be kept at what was probably the lowest gogdamn temperature in the entire history of this planet's existence.

A light shiver shook the nubby horned troll's body again, and he clung a bit tighter to the useless sweater he was wearing. Worst of all had to be the gawking; everywhere Karkat looked he could see busybody humans staring at them. Why these humans felt like it was their place to observe them was beyond him, and it was getting pretty fucking annoying. The Cancer glared through Equius' cracked sunglasses at the human who was leading them through this little bullshit tour of technology. Maybe if he could just lock in on what the human was saying, he'd forget how ridiculously freezing it was in there.

"We have many different plans and cell phones," the man prattled on. "All to suit the various needs of our customers from all different walks of life and budgets!"

"Look, dude," Dave said, placing a firm hand on the worker's shoulder to shut him up. "We don't care about any of that. We just need eight of the most bitching cell phones you got up in here. That shit should be able to handle anything anytime. Got something like that?"

"We also need them to work anywhere," Rose added on, a bit more tactfully. "As you see, some of these cell phones will be going with our troll friends here. We'd like to be able to stay in touch with them no matter where any of us ventures to."

The technical guy looked a bit warily towards the four trolls, trying his best to keep up his salesman face despite being forced to acknowledge the repulsive creatures.

"Ah, yes, of course," he answered. "We do in fact carry cell phones with a far enough range to work in both human and troll districts simultaneously, if you'll just follow me."

The man hurriedly walked over to a far wall with about five different cell phone models displayed. Jade and John began eagerly studying them, messing with their features and buttons while the others continued to listen to the technically adept human.

"Now all of these cell phones are top quality," he bragged, smiling at John and Jade's excitement. "Best around with so many features they might as well be little computers! That said, they are the most expensive of our cell phones but they're worth every boondollar. You'll always have a signal and you can say goodbye to dropped calls because-"

"Seems legit. Alright, we need eight plans yo," Dave said stone faced as he watched the guy's surprised look.

Terezi snickered at the scent of the man's shock, but she said nothing until he hurried off to fetch the right paperwork.

"Such a coolkid," she swooned. "Taking charge and getting things done."

"What can I say, I'm just that awesome."

"Heheheh."

Karkat rolled his eyes, intentionally shoving past the two of them to take a look at the strange human devices that everyone was getting so excited about.

"So which one of these shitty technology boxes are we suppose to pick?" he grumbled, poking the one closest to him. "Does it even fucking matter?"

"No, I think they all pretty much do the same things," Jade answered, running a hand over the one she'd decided on. "It's just a matter of personal preference."

"Oh, well then, how about I don't give a fuck?" Karkat snapped. "Is that a fucking preference?"

"I want this one," Terezi declared, sniffing over a red touch screen model. "It smells like cherry cough syrup."

"Then that's clearly the best phone there," Dave said, looking over its sleek design. "Make that two then. That phone's fly."

It took a bit of squabbling and discussing, but eventually all eight of them had picked out which phone they wanted. Well, except for Gamzee who hadn't made a comment and just been assigned a model by the others. The employee returned with his contracts and paperwork, and in no time they had filled out their forms and were waiting for him to return with their activated cell phones.

"Oh shit," Dave said suddenly, looking out into the rest of the store.

"What?" John asked.

"I just had what was probably the best thought ever."

"Huh?"

"Bro, we're rich. In an electronics store."

"Oh, heh… No, I don't get it."

"You don't have to get it dude, just know that I'm going to go do some shopping. I'll be back."

With that, Dave wandered off, Terezi hot on his heels in hopes of joining in on whatever coolkid things he'd be up to.

Karkat watched them go, trying to fight back the urge to shadow them and see just how cozy they were getting. Giving up on that fight, he glanced over his shoulder towards the others to see if he could slip away unnoticed. Kanaya and Rose were conversing and being just as chummy as they were back on the ship, John and Jade were being stupid, and Gamzee… The nubby horned troll's eyes scanned through the group, then back towards the phones, and soon he was all but spinning like a ninny to try and locate the taller troll.

Fuck.

Now Karkat was frantic; Terezi and Dave could wait until later, Gamzee was loose in the store without supervision. How the fuck did he lose track of that walking tower of a troll? Without announcing his departure, the Cancer quickly ran off into the maze of the electronics store, ignoring the strange looks he was getting from the various shoppers. Without the sopor slime in his system, the Capricorn was in an unpredictable state. For all Karkat knew, he was just as likely to be zoning out at some blue screen as he was to be killing innocent people. There were no screams of terror yet, though, so maybe it was the former.

Please be the former, please be the former, please be the fucking former.


Left, left.

Right.

Forward, forward.

Back.

Left, right, right, left.


"Why would you want an ex in a box?" Terezi snickered, walking next to Dave as he looked through the aisles.

"What? That isn't even a thing," Dave said, stopping in front of various video games on a shelf. "It's like, a video game thing. Oh dude, are you trolls so lame that you don't have consoles?"

"Heheh, quit being so sassy! Of course we have video games; we just don't put them in boxes. We wait for them to hatch. I don't smell any here though… Or even a copy of Game Grub."

"… Man, trolls are weird as fuck."

"Well, Mr. Badass Dave Strider," she said, poking him with her cane. "How do the coolkids game?"

"Not with grub hatching, that's for sure."

Terezi cackled at the human's silly attempt to understand troll video games, and she took to sniffing through the various items in Dave's cart. There was a whole myriad of different scents, and they all smelled like some delicious fruit salad all lumped together like that.

"You'll have to let me beat you in these games some time," the blind troll insisted.

"More like, I'll have to let you be annihilated by my awesome self sometime."

"That almost sounds like a challenge. I warned you about challenges bro!"

"God damn it. Walked into that one like some unassuming bro just minding his own business when bam! Smuppet taint all up in his grill."

"Heheheh!"

Terezi's cartilage nub picked up the familiar scent of Karkat, suddenly, and a coy little smirk graced her features. Undoubtedly the Cancer was in some fit of rage and was coming to yell at them with his obnoxious busybody self.

The Libra readied herself for another round of who-could-be-the-snarkiest with the nubby horned troll. However, it never came. She continued to sniff the air, smile shifting into a disappointed frown when Karkat just continued to run past them, not even acknowledging her and Dave. Terezi knew that seeing her and Dave together drove the Cancer up the wall; how could he just so blatantly blow her off like that? It was so obvious to everyone that he was trying to pursue some confusing version of kismesissitude with her, so he should have played along. After all, blackrom games couldn't be played by oneself; it took two to do the human close dance.

All things considered, that had just been very anticlimactic.

"Whoa, midget troll's got somewhere to be apparently." Dave joked. "Maybe he's going to go do some acrobatic pirouettes off the handle."

Dave looked to Terezi, waiting for the giggle and sarcastic response to his overused joke, but she appeared to be more preoccupied with Karkat running off. Not that it mattered or whatever, but he couldn't help but feel a bit snuffed by her lack of a reaction. The Knight's calm demeanor didn't shift at all though; he was too cool to care about shit like that. At least… That was what he told himself.

"I'm going to go buy this shit," the Knight said, pokerface maintained and tone kept flat.

Terezi was pulled from her thoughts as Dave began walking away, and she went back to following him. She could try and figure out Karkat's weird, crabby self later; right now she had a coolkid to harass.


Left, right, back, back, forward, right, back.


The boring, humdrum level of conversation and buzz of technology was suddenly shattered as a scream pierced through the store.

Fuck. Fuck. FUCK.

Karkat's think pan went rigid, frozen with terror, but his feet turned and continued thundering through the store, now given a proper heading instead of just aimlessly dashing about. The scream had come from the back of the store, and the Cancer tuned out anything else around him, focused on his destination. He continued to run, finally seeing a group of people crowded around something he was too short see. Images of blood and corpses rushed to Karkat's think pan faster than he could think to stop it, and he suddenly felt nauseous. What had Gamzee done? What horrible, messed up shit was behind this clusterfuck curtain of people?

The nubby horned troll swallowed hard, summoning up all of his courage to confront the ghastly sight. Willing himself forward, it took a second or two for him to actually budge from his spot and push through the crowd.

"Honey, please, get up," said a portly man, a light blush in his cheeks as he tried to wake up the unconscious girl in his arms. "Come on, this is embarrassing. It was just a spider…"

… Oh.

Well, that was a bit unexpected.

Karkat's sharp teeth clenched tightly together, hands balled into fists as he furiously stormed away from the sight. He didn't know what the fuck a 'spider' was but it was clear that it was something that was a complete gogdamn waste of everyone's time. It was fucking stupid.

But not nearly as stupid as what he saw next.

The Cancer stopped in his tracks once more, an incredulous look on his face as he finally located the gangly troll he'd been searching for.

Gamzee was on some sort of weird square platform stomping in a strange pattern, his gaze transfixed on what appeared to be a colorful television screen as it blasted some weird, upbeat human music.

Karkat just stared at him for a few minutes, eventually studying the screen to see it comprised mostly of little arrows.

What the shit barfing fuck was he doing?

"What the shit barfing fuck are you doing?" Karkat yelled above the music. "What is this fuckassery musclebeast shit? Don't wander off like that you fucking stupid clown fuck!"

Gamzee's eyes were still half-lidded, but he seemed to be intensely concentrating on his little task. Still staring at the screen and moving his legs in that weird way, he answered a lot quicker than Karkat had expected.

"Just the funnest motherfucking thing ever. Honk!" Gamzee said excitedly. "It's this bitchtits game, motherfucking human called it 'Dance Dance Revolution'. I all up and saw this tiny human motherfucker doing this, and I thought, 'Shit, I could motherfucking do that'. So I did. Karbro, you have to try this shit."

"Is your think pan that fucking fried that you really think I'm going to put a single fucking claw on that thing? We kind of have bigger shit to be dealing with right now! Do you have any fucking idea how worried I was just now fuckass?"

Gamzee finally stopped moving and, ignoring the protests from the game he turned to face his moirail.

"… You were all up and worried about me, Karbro?" the Capricorn asked, his confused, indigo eyes locked onto Karkat.

A light red blush rose to the Cancer's cheeks under that stare, and he quickly turned away from the taller troll.

"Well, yeah, fuck. I guess, in like a 'who the fuck is the psychotic dumbfuck clown going to kill next' kind of way," he grumbled. "Whatever, can we just fucking go back with the group now? This place is fucking stupid and it's gogdamn cold. I just want to hurry up and abscond out of here."

The highblood continued to stare at Karkat or, at least, the backside of his head, and he stepped down off of the platform. Gamzee reached up one of his long arms to scratch at the back of his neck, now looking sheepishly at the ground.

"Shit, I'm sorry best motherfucking friend," the taller troll said, hunching over some to appear less tall. "I didn't mean to make my chill invertabrother get his worry on."

"Fuck. Nevermind, I wasn't worried. My worry sponge wasn't the slightest bit twitchy as fuck over you ok? That was never even a thing that happened so let's just move this horseshit along and find the others."

"Honk. Let me just up and grab this real quick."

Karkat let out an irritated, almost feral sounding growl as Gamzee quickly turned around to grab one of the boxes marked 'Dance Dance Revolution'.

"Fuckass, you probably need the thing in the glass box too," the nubby horned troll snapped, pointing to the strange black box in its invisible barrier under the screen.

"Oh… Yeah, true that motherfucker. But where would I find that bitchtits miracle box? Shit… I don't think the humans would feel too motherfucking mirthful if I up and took that one."

Karkat rolled his eyes again, waving his hand to motion for the lanky troll to follow him. Assuming he didn't have to wait and see if Gamzee would actually listen, the Cancer began to walk off.

"Come on stupid. I walked past a whole bunch of happy fuckass boxes when I was trying to look for your asshole clown self."

Gamzee followed as instructed, feeling more than a little complacent at the moment. Seeing all of those colorful things getting their chill on in that game had done wonders for soothing his think pan. He couldn't explain it, but that sight had just seemed so motherfucking mirthful. Now that the Capricorn thought back, though, he couldn't remember when exactly he had decided to wander away from the group. He remembered feeling uneasy, and he remembered the cell phones… And then he was walking away. What he couldn't remember was what had made him think to up and do that.

The Capricorn continued to try and think of his reason for doing this, when he suddenly noticed he was studying the shorter troll in front of him. His indigo eyes silently traced over Karkat's form, trying to pick up on what had drawn their attention to him. A slight shiver was all that Gamzee had needed to see to get his answer. That's right; his best motherfucking friend was cold. The taller troll knew how angry that made his bro, to be all uncomfortable and shit. He should get his squeeze on with his moirail; he could warm that motherfucker up toastier than a freshly baked sopor pie.

Squeeze the motherfucking mutant strawberry blooded troll until those miracles ran out of his eyes.

Gamzee shook his head slightly, trying to keep those thoughts out of his think pan; maybe he should just continue to hold his box from back here.

The eight had now been at this electronics store for a little over an hour, and after several purchases and some regrouping they were finally ready to leave. The four humans had taken to their phones right away, and Rose was working with Kanaya on how to use the new devices as they walked out.

"And that's how you access your contacts. We had the man helping us register all our phones with each other's numbers in them, so when you need to get a hold of one of us," the Seer explained, showing on her own phone as the rainbow drinker followed along. "You just go into there, select the name and then press the green button."

"I see, and this strange little box with the triangle on it, this is how I send a message?"

"Correct, you'll find that a lot of the functions are pretty self explanatory."

"What useful devices."

For once, Karkat was content just following and fiddling with his own phone in silence. The sun was infinitely more welcome today than it had been their first day, and the Cancer was doing his best to soak up as much warmth as he could. Having decided not to waste any of his boondollars on worthless human technology, he also didn't have any cumbersome bags to carry. He leisurely took his time as he walked, intentionally lagging behind with Gamzee in the back to delay climbing into the black four wheeled beast as long as he could.

Surely enough, the gargantuan thing was waiting for them outside of the store, ready to take them to their next destination. One by one, troll and human climbed inside and took their seat… Well, all except for one.

"Get in the gogdamn four wheeled beast fuckass!" Karkat bellowed to the taller troll still standing outside.

"No," was the only mumbled response.

He couldn't go back in that tiny little box. Not for an hour, not for a second. The troll had barely managed to keep motherfucking chill after that first time, he couldn't do it again. He'd snap and cull all of them. He'd paint the inside of the beast with the lowblood miracles in their veins.

"Gamzee, we don't have all day. Don't be difficult," Kanaya said, a light frown on her lips.

"I said no motherfucker," Gamzee snarled back, much louder than before.

The voices. The voices were getting louder again, yelling at him for not listening, for even being near this cage filled with worthless motherfuckers. How dare they give him orders; they needed to be put in their place. To be shown the wrath of the highest of all the motherfucking subjugglators.

Inside said four wheeled beast, Kanaya looked a bit taken back and she glanced towards Rose as if seeking guidance on what to do about this situation.

Karkat, however, was not about to sit around gaping at this reaction like some dumbfuck wiggler. The Cancer growled and then climbed back out of the beast, stomping over towards Gamzee's stiff, tensed form. Already, the Capricorn's claws were beginning to dig into the bags he was holding, the serene yellow of his eyes darkening into a more orangey tint.

The nubby horned troll only spared the quickest of glances to those murderous eyes before reaching his hand out to lightly pap Gamzee's hand.

"Shoosh," he said softly, gently prying the bags out of his grasp.

The taller troll relented fairly easily, allowing his items to be taken away by his moirail who quickly threw them back into the four wheeled beast.

"Is he going to get in now?" John asked, trying to decipher Gamzee's expression through the windows.

"What do you fucking think Egbert?" Karkat snapped.

The Cancer turned briefly to check on the psycho clown's eyes, and then returned his attention to the others.

"He's calming down, but I don't think we can get to go back in this fucking thing."

"Hmm, this is a bit of a conundrum then," Rose said, resting her chin on the tip of her thumb.

"… The mall isn't too far from here," Jade piped in, looking from Karkat to the others. "We could always walk."

"Tch, forget that," Dave said, leaning back in his seat. "Clown bro can walk himself there. That's what we got these dope cell phones for right?"

"Staying in contact isn't the problem," Rose answered. "It's knowing where to go."

"Well shit, we can't just leave all the stuff we bought in here and abscond off. I say we split up. Check it, two teams. Me, I'll be on the badass team that's getting our shit situated. Weird juggalo troll, he's got to be on the lame walking team."

"I see," Rose said, nodding slightly. "You've actually got a point, splitting up would probably be our best option."

"Since I know my way around… Somehow," Jade said, thinking things through as she spoke. "I guess that means I should go with Gamzee then?"

"Yes, I'll go as well," Kanaya said, already moving to exit the beast. "If we're going to be going to this 'mall' then they'll need my help to make sure they don't just grab the first clothes they see. Wouldn't want anymore fashion disasters, after all."

The Virgo flashed a quick smirk to Rose who suppressed a slight giggle in response before giving an approving nod.

"Wait, we? Fucking great. I guess that means I'm going with the fuckass clown then," Karkat growled.

The never ending joys of being moirails with a dumbfuck psycho.

"Yup. Better get going midget troll," Dave said, raising a challenging eyebrow over the rim of his sunglasses. "And me, John, Rose and Terezi will drop this shit off."

"What? No. Fuck no," Karkat snapped, glaring behind cracked sunglasses at the insufferable prick. "Why the fuck does Terezi go with you?"

The Libra began snickering at the nubby horned troll's reaction, "Oh? What's this? Could it be that the crabby Karkles is feeling jealous? That he yearns to be with the blind troll he's so clearly flushed for?"

"Fuck you! Nevermind, invitation revoked. You don't get to join us. Fucking stay on your shitass fruity rumpus team," Karkat said defensively, another light blush creeping up on his face.

The Cancer ignored whatever snarky comment she or Dave made, sticking his middle finger up to the two before absconding quickly to the three waiting for him on the sidewalk. The door shut behind him, and after a few minutes the black four wheeled beast left them.

The splinter group stood there in silence for a few moments, watching until the beast had fully disappeared from sight. The quiet didn't last long, however, as a slight 'buzz' from the new cell phone in his pocket caught Karkat's attention. He pulled it out and, after clicking on the button that he assumed opened the message he had apparently received, quickly read his text.

- - T3R3Z1 sent - -

H3H3H3H. J34LOUS.

- - Today 10:43am - -

This was going to be a long fucking day.