Shades of Gray
Chapter Seven- Darkness Falling
I stared blankly across the bar, absently counting the bottles of liquor neatly lined in their case. I, Himura Kenshin, doctor, assassin, fool, had made a great mistake. Why had I gone to see Kaoru after a job? Why, when she could have easily seen the blood—still wet—on my clothes? When my sword was out? When something that had shown promise to be more than what everything else I'd experienced had been was slowly growing into something else. I had felt it the first time I'd gone somewhere with her… the feeling where my impossible halves were joined for once in peaceful union. Whether or not it was anything romantic… it was strange to feel so early. So I pursued it.
"You should just kill her. It's easier." My lip turned up in disgust at the voice.
"Maybe I should just kill you, instead," I hissed over my drink, not even bothering to look up.
Iizuka laughed merrily, but I noticed that he didn't move any closer to me. "Women aren't worth the hassle."
I suppressed a disgusted noise, wanting nothing more than to draw my sword and slay the man for suggesting such an awful thing. He leaned down next to my ear.
"You let her see, didn't you?"
"Shut up," I growled, but he persisted.
"She didn't accept it, did she?" His taunting voice dug into my brain, deeper and deeper.
"I'm warning you…" My hand twitched angrily.
"She was afraid of you, wasn't she? She pushed you away and screamed like you were making her a victim, didn't she?"
"Shut up!" I bellowed, out of my seat in a flash and pressing my hand around his neck, forcing him back against the bar. "Now," I continued calmly, just before releasing him. "Get out."
He skidded to the side to get away from me, and the other patrons of the bar looked away in a frightened kind of way.
"Katsura-sama will know about this! She could blow our covers, and it'd be on your head, Himura!"
I scoffed and dropped payment for my drink onto the counter. "I don't care."
Stalking out of the bar, I attracted a few stares. I decided to return to my apartment instead of making a spectacle of my mood. It didn't take me long, and soon I was staring at my shrine, only to close the door and head for my bedroom. Stripping off my clothes, I laid on the bed, staring blankly at the ceiling.
There was no good reason for me to be so depressed about a woman and her rejection of what I was, deep down underneath my shell.
One who is not living… One who is not dead… One who is neither… what am I?
I shuddered, rolling over onto my side. Maybe I had thought she could answer that question, the woman who had brought both my sides together; the one who could make it clear as to who I was, and what I was meant to be and do… to make me human.
I shuddered at the radical thought. It didn't even make sense, my attraction to her, which had dropped out of the blue, nor these thoughts of coming "alive". I had always thought that I was at least living… if only two incomplete lives. Slowly, lost in thought, I drifted into an uneasy sleep.
What felt like seconds later, though—according to my clock—it had been hours, my phone rang shrilly, driving me out of the tentative sleep I had found. I stared at the phone through bleary eyes, before registering the name that was flashing across the screen. My heart stopped.
"Hello?" I answered quickly, my heart restarting and racing against my chest.
"Himura-san, I understand we have a situation?" Katsura-san's voice was quiet, as though vaguely hoping I would deny this "situation."
"A situation?" I feigned ignorance.
"Iizuka claims that there's a possible breach in secrecy… about you." I wondered if my heart was going to burst from my chest.
"To the authorities?" I asked, again pretending to know nothing.
"Himura-san!" His voice was sharp. "Stop pretending! You know well what's going on!" I had never heard Katsura-san lose his temper.
"Yes, Katsura-san," I answered simply. "I don't see this as a problem, though. She's avoided me," My voice was cool and even. "She probably didn't even see anything, anyway. Just the sword." I could hear the sharp intake of breath on the other end of the line.
"This is unforgivable, Himura-san. If this gets out, we're all doomed. We won't be able to get out of this."
"And what if Iizuka doesn't clean up the scenes well enough? What if they track the murders to me? Then what? Will your connections be enough to save me from certain death?" My tone never rose nor fell, but I was angry. He had never considered how his plans could fall through. I had never trusted Iizuka, and no amount of persuasion would change that.
"They won't be able to save any of us if she goes to the police with what she saw. She may have seen more than you know, Himura-san," There was a long pause. "Himura-san, you must kill her. Tonight. Iizuka has her information. If she's alive by morning, we'll do it ourselves."
A large swelling in my chest grew to impossible proportions. I couldn't kill her… of all the people I'd killed, I knew I wouldn't—couldn't—see her dead. She was the one who was going to save me.
I couldn't let her die.
"Himura-san," I fell back to reality. "You are in serious danger because of this woman. I don't know what she means to you, but you mustn't let it get in the way. She could seriously harm you and your safety."
"Of course, Katsura-san," I answered, closing my phone slowly and staring blankly at the ceiling. I already knew I couldn't do it, but I already knew there was nothing I could do.
So I dressed quickly, noting that there was no moon that night. I wore black, and packed some clothes. I wrote a quick note and slipped it under Seta-san's door, so that he would be able to tell anyone who inquired that I was visiting family in the north. Family sickness, I wrote. Very urgent. Will return soon. It was not uncommon for estranged family to decide they wanted to return after a sudden visit home. I could call and leave everything behind. Have everything shipped to my parents in Hokkaido, letting them know I would come get it in time. That there was a sudden relocation. No one would ever have to know where I went.
In the back of my head, I wondered where my logic was coming from. If I wasn't going to kill Kaoru, and I was going to save her… where would she go? Did I think she would come with me? If even just to save her? I tried not to think too much about the expression of rejection on her face when she shoved me away as I dropped my things into my car and started toward her house.
Within moments I was in the parking lot in front of her apartment, and then outside her bedroom window.
I noticed that it was locked.
I sighed and rapped swiftly on the window. I could easily have gotten through the window, but I knew that would not be the way to get a good start to all this. She sat up slowly, waking softly, and stared out the window at me. I could hear the scream through the glass.
I sighed and reached over to the window, breaking the lock with little effort as I raised the window. "This isn't the time to be like this, Kamiya-san."
"What are you doing here?" She cried, holding her blankets around her chest tightly. "I don't want you here! Get out!"
I shook my head and stepped through the window, peering down to the parking lot before closing the window. "We need to leave now."
"I'm not leaving with you. You broke into my house… twice now! And you have a sword, and… and…" Her voice died, but left her defiance hanging in its wake.
"I can explain everything, but not here and not now."
"Are you that murderer?" She blurted out, staring at me, as though terrified that she'd asked.
I hesitated for a moment, then spoke. "Yes, Kamiya-san." I saw no point in lying to her at this point in time. "I work for… essentially the yakuza. They seek power, and I kill to make way for them to gain it."
Her eyes were wide and searching helplessly for an exit. "What do you want from me?" She whispered quietly, moving herself to curl up against the headboard.
"You saw me with my sword… they found out about it."
"They… want you to kill me…" She whispered faintly. I could tell that the thought of screaming never crossed her mind. "You're going to kill me."
I sighed and stepped toward her. I had not wanted to do any sort of explanations here. It would make getting her to come with me so much harder. "They sent me to kill you, and I came to save you. I won't kill you. I can't kill you… So I'm trying to save you."
She stared at me, dumbfounded. "But why?" She whispered. "And why should I believe you?"
I smiled for her, very subtly. "Because, there's something in you that may save me."
End Chapter Seven
