As Phil and I drew closer, I had no hesitation in falling in love. Throughout the next few weeks after we kissed, I couldn't help but become thoroughly attached, especially when he continued to surprise me with his many talents. I found out he could bake when he volunteered to help Tavy with Chris's birthday cake, and I discovered he could draw when he let me look in his journal. By mid-September the leaves outside were falling gently and never ending, the ground in the courtyard becoming a wasteland for crunchy leaves. It was a vaguely breezy autumn day as Phil and I sat across from each other under the oak tree.

"I'm still not sure what the quadratic formula is." I murmured, looking down at the paper.

"Then let me show you." Phil said, adjusting his glasses as he scooted closer. I leaned into him, resting my head on his shoulder.

"Phil, can we do this later?" I sighed. He smirked and stood up, stretching before giving me a hand up. I grabbed our books and stood up, ignoring his hand.

"Offensive." He said.

"How so?" I grinned, looking into his eyes.

"First you wouldn't let me help you with maths," He stepped closer, "Then you wouldn't let me help you up," He was inches away from my face, I swallowed hard, "so the least you can do now," his lips were a centimeter away, "is kiss me." He connected our lips seconds later and wrapped his arms around my waist. I relaxed into his arms and kissed back, closing my eyes and letting my mind focus on Phil.

"Dinner!" Chris stuck his tongue out at us as he walked by, PJ in tow. Phil and I leapt apart in surprise.

"Come on Phil." I rolled my eyes with a smile and grabbed his hand. We walked in and dropped our books by the stairs before going to wash our hands.

"So, having fun under the tree I see." Chris nudged me as we walked to the table, Phil in the washroom.

"It's not like we haven't walked in on you two making out." I grumbled.

"Be glad you only walked in on that." Chris smirked. I hit him on the shoulder and sat down on the bench. It was then that I noticed Phil had not been in the washroom, that he was instead talking to Tavy across the dining room.

"Mrs. Tavy?" Phil asked as I eavesdropped.

"Yes?" Tavy responded.

"How would I send a letter? I haven't any stamps."

"We can do that for you! Just write it and bring it to the post box." She paused, "And who is this letter to?"

"My dad. I've changed my mind."

"You've changed your mind?"

"Yes. I don't wish to go to America anymore." Phil sounded certain. I felt my heart throb.

"Oh Philip! You need to go, so much work has been done!"

"I can't! My heart is here." Phil stressed. I frowned and looked at the table.

"You're 16 boy! Any love you have is probably going to be gone in a couple months; to give up this opportunity is insane!"

"I can't leave without him!"

"There's so much promise for you in America, you must go."

"I'll bring him with me."

"He's not eighteen. He doesn't have family over there. You can't take him." Tavy was almost shouting.

"Then I'll wait for him!" Phil cried.

"Philip, go sit down!" Tavy commanded loudly enough to make the entirety of the children look over at them.

"I'm not hungry." Phil said much softer, "Can I go to our room?"

"Go on." Tavy motioned. Phil looked at me with the saddest eyes before walking towards the stairs. I wanted nothing more than to run to him, but I stayed.

We ate in silence, half way through I grabbed some bread and wrapped it in my napkin for Phil. As soon as dinner was over I rushed up the stairs, Chris and PJ looking at me with worried faces.

Phil was on his bed, his legs crossed and his hand flying over his notebook. He didn't look up.

"Are you okay?" I pretended to not know what happened, "You kinda…" I trailed off.

"I'm fine." Phil said stoically. I sighed and sat on the edge of his bed.

"Don't be cold with me."

"I'm not being cold." He mumbled.

I sighed and my hands went to my necklace, fiddling with it until he looked up.

"I know you heard that conversation." He said softly. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. You were not going to go to America for me. That's not something everyone would do."

"I don't want to go. I lo- I don't want to leave you here." He sighed deeply and closed his journal.

"It's okay. I'm nothing special." I murmured the last bit.

"You're the most special person I've ever met." Phil chuckled emotionlessly, "And I could look as hard as I'd like but I'll never find somebody like you again. I'm not giving up. I can wait until we're eighteen."

"No way I'm letting you give this up for me. I'll join you when I'm eighteen, okay?" I tilted his chin up and looked into his eyes, "It's just a few years."

"But-" he protested.

"But nothing. Now I'm going to the showers." I smiled at him, trying to reassure him that we would be okay, because I couldn't be selfish here. I had to be strong for Phil, no matter what. I was about to the door to the washroom when I began to cry softly.


Nights were my favourite because everything was still. I let my lets dangle out the window, listening to the rush of chill wind outside and the sound of Phil breathing near me. He slept in his own bed after Tavy found us one day, but we would cuddle in the evenings. I liked to spend some nights alone however; the silence made it easier to think.

After some time I swung my legs back into the room and walked back to my bed, pulling my jumper off before climbing under the duvet. Tiredness hadn't yet visited, but the next day we had to go outside early to the field behind the property for what was required of sports for the week so I figured sleep would be the a wise choice. I'd asked Chris if he could teach me how to play football earlier, he'd said he'd give it a go and I'm not afraid to admit I was quite excited. I yawned sleepily minutes later-no longer did this feeling make me uneasy for I had not had a nightmare in a long time. I don't remember when I fell asleep.

"Up and at 'em boys!" Tavy was in and out of our room like a light, waking us up.

"It's seven o'clock!" PJ cried, rolling over and burying his head in his pillow.

"I'm not moving." Chris announced. I grumbled for them to shut up as I let my eyelids close again. Seconds later I felt a massive warm body hurling itself on me.

"What the hell?!" I screamed as Phil hit my bed and began tickling me. He giggled and kissed my forehead, looking at me with a dreadfully adorable smile. I tried to remain with my disgruntled expression.

"Morning sleepy head." He cooed. I scowled before noticing nobody was around.

"Where is everybody?" I sat up, pushing him back.

"Chris and PJ just went down for breakfast, get up! Also wear sports clothes." He said the last bit with distain. I frowned, looking at his attire.

"This should be interesting." I rolled my eyes and slid out of bed.


Phil was frustrated and exhausted half an hour into our football game. I found myself loving it, along with Chris, but Phil couldn't get the hang of it quite as easily.

"This is a stupid game!" he cried, kicking the grass angrily, "I want to go back."

"Come on Phil! It's fun if you know what you're doing." PJ chipped in, knocking the ball from knee to knee expertly.

"I hate it!" Phil whined, walking over to me, "Dan can we go back?"

"Tavy wants us to be out until 9 actually, so nope. But you're welcome to sit and watch on the side." I kissed him on the cheek, "It's just another 45 minutes."

"Can't you come sit with me?"

"I want to play, but I could teach you how!" I offered. He made a face.

"Come on." I grabbed his hand and dragged him into the field, "Kick the ball with the side of your foot." It was right in front of him as he gave it a small kick.

"Okay, see it went a few feet. Next time try harder, and when you dribble it alternate between your feet. Remember to breathe as you run, okay?" I instructed as he stared at me.

"Uh, okay." He made a small worried noise but did as I said, putting up a valiant effort. I watched him run and was amazed. Just the way he put his whole heart into it and the way his tongue stuck out ever so slightly in concentration just like when he laughed. His hair was plastered to his forehead and his knees were coated in grass stains but eventually he started to enjoy it.

"Go Phil!" I chuckled from the sideline as he finally made a goal. He grinned and shot me a thumbs-up.

"It's two weeks into October." PJ said as he fiddled a water bottle beside me on the grass.

"So?" I didn't look at him, my eyes focused on our boyfriends kicking around a ball.

"So you've got three weeks." PJ said, the most caring I had ever heard him speak to me.

"And you care?"

"I'm not a dick, I just like keeping to myself, okay?" He let out a frustrated sigh, "I think the reason I fell for Chris was because he's the first one that ignored my general 'leave me alone' vibe." He made the air quotes with his hands.

"I knew you were an introvert, so I tried to leave you alone. I didn't mean to be mean." I shrugged, glancing over at him.

"I know. And this isn't about that really I just wanted to say I know you're upset he's going to leave. And Chris told me he's going to kill Phil for breaking your heart."

"He did?" I started, "I'll be fine, and we're going to stay together."

"Also…" PJ paused, "You can't tell anybody I told you this, promise?"

I hesitated, my breath catching, "You can tell me, I promise."

"Chris said he talked to Phil and Phil said he's going to break up with you before he leaves."

Immediately my heart stuck in my throat, tears making my eyes sting. I couldn't breathe and I felt sick.

"That's a cruel joke." I sputtered, trying to make him unaware how badly that had affected me.

"Don't you wish it was a joke." PJ chuckled humourlessly, "And that's exactly why I'm going to kill him too."

I swallowed roughly and nodded to him, "I'll be right back." He didn't say anything as I walked towards Phil.

"Hey Dan! Check this out!" Phil grinned widely as he knocked the ball from one knee to the other before it fell.

"Cool." I said, my voice a lot less enthusiastic than I planned.

"Are you okay?" Chris said as Phil's face went concerned.

"Yeah, just dandy!" I said, sarcasm draining my already tired voice. Chris cringed before taking off towards PJ.

"Hey, what's up?" Phil dropped the ball and grabbed my hand.

"You don't want to stay together, do you." I mumbled. He clenched his hand tighter.

"No, no of course I do! What made you think that?" His voice was strained with worry.

"What did you tell Chris?" I looked into his eyes, ignoring his words.

"I might have- I might have mentioned it might have been a better idea but I – I never even really considered it!" He was tripping over his words.

"I want to believe you but after what PJ said-"

"I've not told PJ anything!" Phil cut me off.

"He got it from Chris, and he said you wanted to break up with me?" I probably sounded mad.

"Well I did say maybe I would talk to you about that, I wouldn't go break up with you without telling!" Phil stressed, his voice higher than normal.

"So it's plausible?" I choked.

"Dan…" He sighed, "It's going to be hard only hearing from each other from letters and I'd rather end this in person in case you find somebody else. But not now, not until we have to."

And then it occurred to me I was in denial of this even happening, arguing selfishly in a field wearing grass stained clothes under 38 (100f) degree sun and then everything just crashed down on my shoulders. I felt myself fight it as he wrapped his arms around me.

"I don't want you to go." I whimpered into his chest.

"It's going to be okay, I promise." He held me tighter.

Oh, wouldn't promises be so much better if they couldn't be broken?