A/N: First (and I think the last but I dunno) chapter in which I have a part out of Lisbon's POV. I just... like Jane's more, especially in this story and situation. Anyway, a brief look inside Lisbon's mind in this chapter! ^^
Aaaand I replied to all of you just before I posted this chapter, I know, I don't do it often but you guys were just so amazing that I had to thank you before it would get worse xD. And for the anon reviewers:
Guest: I can't guarantee she won't die but even she will, I'll make it less horrible, 'kay? I promise I won't try to make you cry then xD. Thanks for reviewing!
Guest: Yes, you should have paid attention to my warning because I'm genuinely serious about it most times, but it's fine, it's your loss anyway because you were the one crying :P. Thanks for reviewing!
Guest: Sorry for making you cry like a baby! But it still pleases me I managed to make you cry xD. Thanks for thinking this is an awesome idea and thanks for reviewing!
'Pink ribbons'
Chapter 7: Love is never planned
He watched her sitting in the windowsill, her hands folded on her belly. Her hair was slowly growing back due to her not receiving any chemotherapy any longer.
It satisfied him a bit to know he had been right along – she looked beautiful with short hair. It ended just beneath her ears and was cut in soft layers – since she had always had rather thick hair, layers would make it less thick.
Though he had to admit that he wouldn't mind if she let her hair grow back to its original length at all.
He ran a hand through his hair. Three months. Twelve weeks. For this long had their baby been growing in her belly. Teresa was already showing, which wasn't a surprise since she was small and tender. Her belly was much bigger than Angela's had been at three months, though. He once again blamed Teresa's fragile figure. If their baby would be too big for her simply because he was so much taller than her, then there would be no living with her after she had given birth.
In eight weeks, they would be able to know the gender – not that they wanted to know that, they wanted it to be a surprise. Secretly, he was hoping for a little boy, but he would never tell her he preferred one gender over the other.
He walked towards her and sat beside her, against the other wall in the windowsill.
He softly grabbed her hand, and brushed his thumb over the top of her hand. She had toed off her shoes and socks, just like he had done. She rubbed her naked feet against his. They enjoyed this kind of intimacy. He hadn't expected he would actually take pleasure out merely sitting like this, not talking, just a bit of contact by their hands and feet, but he did now. And he wouldn't have it any other way. Merely the simplicity of this small moment, of being this close but not in a sexual way, filled his heart with warmth and love.
"Was this how you had suspected your life to be when you went to the hospital that day?" Teresa whispered. He stopped his movements and turned his head to her. He had initially wanted to scoff at what she was saying, but he found she was serious.
"Reese... Teresa, I hadn't planned to fall in love with you either in the beginning. I hadn't planned anything when I came into the CBI, except for getting my revenge on Red John. You can never plan such beautiful things, Teresa, they just happen. I love you now, I loved you when I proposed to you, when we made love for the first time, but even before that already. I didn't plan that paper frog that made me slowly fall in love with you – Cho actually threw it to me, I didn't know what to do with it. I never planned to change my love from an obvious... "infatuation", to worshipping you from up close. Love is not planned, Teresa, it never is. Ours wasn't either. But it's here now. We're here. Together." He paused, and in the time that he tried to come up with something to say, he lifted her hand and pressed a kiss to her palm, knowing it made her shudder. "Just because you're ill, doesn't mean I don't love you, or that I consider the life we have now as miserable." He leaned over slightly and brushed her belly. "You're my beautiful fiancée. And you're pregnant. That's all I ever wished for."
He kissed her hand again. "I may not agree with your choice to refuse chemotherapy... but you are saving our baby that way. And I can only love you more for it."
He leaned his head back against the wall.
"You just have to know that I... don't want to lose you. You mean too much to me and... and I can't live without you. I just want you to know that, alright?"
She nodded but got distracted with another though that was bugging her mind.
"If I won't survive after our baby was born... what would you do?"
"I... I would make sure our baby was safe, and loved... and that he or she would know as much about you as possible. I would raise our child a Catholic, to honor your wishes." He read her face like a children's book, and right now, he did not see happiness for what he had said – he didn't see despair either, but it was a slight disappointment, as though she was expecting something else. "And I would only grieve for you in the privacy of my bed. I won't let it affect my entire life, even though I will forever miss you."
She closed her eyes. He lifted her hand again, brushing her fingers against his cheek briefly before he turned his head and kissed them, again and again. Then, he leaned in and gently pushed her up against the wall in the windowsill and linked their lips. He made her move her legs so that she was straddling his hips, and she sighed into his mouth. She ran her hands through his newly grown back curls and made him angle his head so they could deepen the kiss.
"I love you, Teresa," he breathed, and wrapped his arms tightly around her, crushing her against his chest. Her belly was a small but pleasant pressure against his abdomen. "No matter what'll happen, I'll love you."
She linked their lips again. Her hands went from his hair down his body to his abdomen, lifting his shirt to softly scratch his skin. He whimpered and pushed her hand away. She smiled softly against his lips and straightened, pushing her chest against him.
"Woman, not-"
"In the windowsill? Like we haven't done it here before."
"We haven't-"
"Your birthday," she said simply and kissed his neck. He chuckled, and brushed her back, softly.
"Okay, so that was one time-"
"Or that one time when it was raining really hard and you wanted to sit here and watch, but we didn't do much watching-"
He slipped his hand underneath her shirt, and any remaining words she might have said died on her tongue. She linked their lips again. He raised his hand to unclasp her bra...
...and that moment, they heard someone knocking on the window. They jumped apart.
Van Pelt was standing at the other side, blushing slightly at disturbing a moment like that. She waved, then pointed towards the door and walked to that same spot.
"It's always her," Teresa whispered with a faint smile as she moved out of his lap, rather reluctantly. He offered her a hand to help her put the floor beneath her feet but she just slapped it away and did it on her own.
She walked towards the door which gave him a quick moment to catch his breath and regain his posture after what they had almost been doing.
The boys showed up at the other side of the window too after the redhead had stepped away. Rigsby was smiling held up one thumb – if that wasn't the international men gesture for 'it looked good and you're lucky', he didn't know what was.
Jane smiled and nodded – ever since Rigsby and Van Pelt had gotten back together again, the young man seemed sex-crazed. Not that he and Teresa weren't from time to time... but they didn't show it the way Rigsby did, as they were both (relatively) private people when it came to their love life.
"The guys want to go out on a picnic and asked if we want to join them," Teresa called out from the hall-way. Jane sighed disappointedly – he'd much rather continue what they had been doing in the windowsill. But, going to the fields seemed like a good second option so he picked up his phone as well as hers and joined Teresa at the door.
"Obviously," Jane replied. He grabbed her hand and fetched the keys from the spot they kept them in – the keys of their house.
It felt so good to have their house. They had moved only two weeks before but he already felt at home – if she slept beside him, he was always home.
It was a small detached house, the outside giving it more the title 'cottage'. Designed as a family home, it had one big bedroom, two smaller but still rather spacious bedrooms and each room had its own bathroom. The kitchen was small, making it a joy to cook with her – ever now and then, she would have to reach out to grab something from the top cupboards and her body would brush against his, sending shivers and sparks all throughout his body.
He loved being in love. He'd almost forgotten how amazing it felt, which wasn't a surprise because it had been over fifteen years ago since he had last been in love, with Angela.
He smiled and rubbed his thumb over the top of her hand.
Their house. Where they would spend the rest of their life together and start their little family. He had waited for this for so long... and there was no way anyone was going to get this away from him now.
~...~
"It has changed him, you know," Van Pelt voiced as she and Lisbon sat on the grass, watching the boys play one of their stupid little games. Cho was the only serious participant, but could that man ever have fun without taking things too seriously?
Jane stopped for a few moments and looked at Lisbon. He produced a hand gesture that looked close to the one soldiers make when saluting someone and smiled his dazzling smile at her. Her heart fluttered and she knew she would have been pudding if she were standing.
He continued with the game, groaning loudly as Rigsby seemed to beat him.
"What has?" Lisbon questioned.
"You. Well, your illness, more like it. He is... happier. I know it sounds weird but you having cancer's made him happier and more carefree." She sighed softly. "Like he hasn't got a worry in the world."
Lisbon smiled faintly and watched her man.
It was true – all of this had changed him. He knew how important it was to appreciate the good things in life and not to dwell on the bad things too much.
He wasn't trying to forget about the sad things but he made sure to not let it rule his mind anymore. If there was one thing her man had learned from Red John, it was to live again. To really feel the happy moments in his bones, absorb them rather than let them pass without giving them a second of his attention.
"It's changed you too."
Lisbon eyed Van Pelt with a wary expression. The younger woman chuckled softly.
"Of course it changed me," Lisbon replied. "It's tearing me apart from the inside."
"Yes, but apart from that. It's made you happier, too. It helped you accept the things that happen but you can't control. Like you found peace with everything that's happened."
"I have," Lisbon sighed, "in a way. I mean, I'm afraid of dying, but I'm not as much as I used to be. Before Jane and I got together, I was afraid of dying alone. That everything I would have to face because of my illness would have to be all on my own. That was what I feared. Now... I have him. It makes everything a lot less frightening. I'm not alone anymore. I feel like I can face anything with him by my side. And... I know I'm loved. And if I die... it will most likely be after I gave birth to our baby... though on a side note, I wouldn't be surprised if it turned out to be a twin, it would explain my too swollen belly... but anyway, our baby would be here and if I would die then, Patrick won't be alone. He'll have our child to take care of... and to love. My death will mean something since someone loves me now but I also know I won't leave emptiness behind. He won't be alone... and anyway, he has you guys as well."
She sighed and lowered herself onto the grass, until she could look at the sky without throwing her head back too much. One of her hand rested on her belly, the other reached around her subconsciously and pulled on the grass beside her.
She felt Van Pelt lie down beside her. They were silent for a while.
"I really think I'm having twins, by the way."
Van Pelt sniggered softly. "That would be amazing. But don't you think they would have seen the other on the ultrasound?"
"Yes, they should have. But I did some research into it... it won't be the first time a baby is overlooked. Especially not at this stage. Why else is my belly this big when it shouldn't be this big yet?"
"Just... circumstances?"
"No... I don't believe that."
She turned her head and looked at Van Pelt. The younger woman was just smiling brightly while supporting her head on her elbow.
"Well whatever happens, I'll be happy for you guys. You deserve it, more than anyone I've ever known. You deserve happiness."
They were silent for a long time again. By the time Lisbon was done with the silence, the grass around her had all been harvested and mashed up in her clothes. She got up with a small sigh and walked towards Jane. Van Pelt quickly followed her.
"When I was younger, I used to dance," she chided. She turned back towards Van Pelt. "Ballet. Used to pretend I could fly. My dad would lift me into the air and I would be his precious little bird."
The guys turned towards them as they saw them approaching. She looked at Van Pelt. "When my mum died, I crashed down. Hard."
Lisbon made Jane turn around and quickly linked their lips briefly. When she pulled away, she made him put his hands on her waist.
"Dance with me," she whispered. "Make me fly."
He frowned but he didn't question her at al. He wrapped his arms around her waist and lifted her way up in the air. She put her hands on his shoulders first until she reached for the sky while smiling brightly. Her belly was pressed against his face making butterflies flutter in both their bellies.
He gently put her down when she spread her arms like wings and he kissed her forehead.
"I love you," she whispered against his face, brushing his cheek. She grabbed his hand and stepped away from him. He stopped her by pulling her back and she fell backwards into his arms. He hoisted her up and hugged her from behind.
"I love you too, my precious bird."
She turned around in his arms and kissed him again. She wouldn't ask how he knew that her father used to call her that before her mother had died – perhaps he had overheard her and Van Pelt talking. Perhaps he had just been rummaging through her stuff when she hadn't been looking. Probably the last one.
Right now though, it was just them (and the team who was looking at them with slight satisfaction) against the rest of the world.
A/N: Yeah I know, the ending is a bit too sappy but I was just feeling like it, after all the heart ache from past chapters and all... anyway, let me know what you thought, I can't wait to hear your opinions!
