Open to Chris standing on the balcony of a building in a city like something from Tron.

"Last time, on Total Drama Planet," Chris began, "We took our Dramanauts to a lagoon for a little fishing trip, and you should have seen the one that got away!

"Some of our competitors found the idea of a giant lagoon monster easy to swallow, especially when it was swallowing them.

"Bridgette overheard Ashley plotting, and our final swim-off was interrupted by another of Jim's enemies, Bob the Killer Goldfish!

"In the end, the Scotties voted off Dopey, sending another TD Newb packing, a trend Bender picked up on.

"What futuristic tactics will our rambunctious robot use to keep in the game? What is Ashley up to? And where are the green-skinned space chicks? Seriously, that's the only reason I came…!" Catching himself, he said, "Find out right now, on Total…Drama…Planet!"

Episode 7: Plight on Bald Mountain

One night, the Beam-Me-Up Scotties were gathered around a campfire Bender had created with one of his belches.

"I can't believe we're stuck out here again," Heather growled, "Why does this keep happening, people? Why do we keep losing?"

"AW, power down," Duncan shrugged, "So we lost this time. It's not a big deal."

"Yes, it is a big deal!" Heather snapped, "How come our team, which clearly has better people, always ends up being defeated by those loser Robinsons?"

"Gee, isn't it obvious?" Fighter asked, "Between Duncan's delinquency, Izzy nuttiness, you're bossiness, Bender's amorality, Ashley's lack of concern for anything around her, and Lindsay and I"s child-like naivety, it's a wonder why we win at all. The only members of our team who aren't completely selfish or suffering from a mental disorder are Bon Bonne and Bridgette, and she's being too freaked out by Ashley, saying that she's sabotaging our team, to do anything useful at all. The Robinsons, on the other hand, have sane, socially compatible guys like Luigi and Shantae, and Chiyo's so cute and nice that everyone else acts nice just to avoid breaking her sweet little heart."

Everyone stared at Fighter, amazed at the intelligence in his statement.

"But more likely it's the lack of swords." Fighter mused.

Duncan and Bender rolled their eyes. Heather, on the other hand, looked very thoughtful. She tapped her chin as the gears in her head turned. Meanwhile, Ashley turned to look at Bridgette, who was doing her very best not to look guilty of anything.

"Is there room for a few more?"

The Robinsons walked in on the scene. Owen, his hair still showing signs of moisture, held a bag of chips in hand, occasionally popping one in his mouth.

"Sure, the more the merrier." Bridgette said, giving a welcome wave.

The Robinsons quickly integrated themselves into the campfire circle, Gwen and Tyler taking seats next to Duncan and Lindsay respectfully.

"Hey, shouldn't you guys be living it up in a carefully controlled environment?" Bender asked.

"Owen, Tyler, and Black Mage used all of the hot water and blew out the power." Gwen explained.

Heather blinked. "Wait, your water supply and electricity are linked?"

"It's a steam-powered generator." Courtney sighed.

"We saw you talking on our way here," Chiyo said, "What was it about?"

Heather smiled evilly as an idea came to her. "We were just expressing our awe at the solidity you guys have."

"We were?" Fighter asked.

Heather gave him a dirty look before continuing, sweetly saying, "I mean, Harold rigged the votes in season 1 to get rid of Courtney as revenge against Duncan, Gwen stole Duncan from Courtney in season 3, and Courtney got Gwen booted off afterwards. It's amazing you guys can stand each other after all that."

An uncomfortable silence followed.

(Confessional)

"Oh, I know what that witch is up to," Gwen said, "She's trying to turn us against each other so we mess up the next event. Well, it won't work!" Gwen paused, uncertain. "Will it?"

-TDP-

"Ever since season 3, I've been getting tons of emails for me to 'take Duncan back' and 'kiss and make up' with him," Courtney said peevishly, "What will it take you people to realize that I'm done with him?" Calming down, she said, "Still, if Harold and Gwen think about giving me trouble, I won't hesitate to take them down."

-TDP-

"Why did Heather have to bring that back up?" Harold groaned, "Yeah, I know what I did to Courtney back then was pretty heinous, but I think I've since paid for it. I mean, she tied a prop lamp-post around me and Duncan kept tormenting me through season 2! Gosh!"

-TDP-

Red scurried around the floor. "I think I left my pitchfork in here…"

(End Confessional)

The comfortable silence reigned as every watched Courtney, Gwen, and Harold exchange looks.

Then Fighter said, "Oh, so it's Duncan's fault all these great friends turned against each other?"

The 'three great friends' eyes popped open as they quickly looked at Duncan, whose eyes were also popped open. Heather slapped her forehead.

-TDP-

The following day, the Dramanauts were shuttled off to yet another exotic location on the planet. "Welcome, Dramanauts, and behold," Chris said, and gestured. "Mt. Exexexexexexexel!"

The two teams turned around. They looked up at the massive pillar of earth that had sprung up from the ground. And up. And up. Its peak seemed to vanish into the clouds, which were also dark and stormy.

"That's…tall." Was all Luigi could say as he stared up (And up and up) in wonder.

Black Mage forced himself to look away from the mountain towards Chris and asked, "Please tell me we're here to do something right here at the bottom and won't have to go anywhere near the foreboding pillar of doom you've just pointed out to us?"

"Oh, Black Mage, you should know better than that," Chris chuckled, "But before I describe your challenge in detail, I have something special for the Robinsons; Gifts!"

Chris passed out two boxes. Owen took one, and upon opening it, let out a gasp of delight.

"Cake!" The hefty teen cheered, "Oh, yes!"

"Pound cake, to be precise." Chris clarified.

Owen had already tossed the pastry into his mouth. As he chewed, something went clink. Confused, Owen paused and reached in, pulling out a wristwatch.

"Look, a prize!" He exclaimed, "Awesome!"

"Hey! I've been looking for that!" Chef Hatchet yelled, and grabbed the watch out of Owen's hand. After wiping it off, he put it back on his wrist.

"And a football helmet." Chris said, tossing the head cover out and tossing it to the Robinsons.

Chiyo caught it, stared at it, and put it on. "Thank you, Chris-san…"

"You're welcome, Chiyo-chan." Chris replied.

"How come they get free stuff and we don't?" Heather demanded.

"Because some of us aren't total jerks." Gwen replied, taking great joy from Heather's anger.

"Whatever," Heather growled, looking away. "As if I wanted some crappy yard-sale junk…"

"If I can get us back on track…" Chris interrupted, annoyed, "I said, behold! Mt. Exexexexexexexel!"

"We 'beholded' it already," Duncan shrugged, "What do you want us to do, climb it?"

Chris merely grinned. A very numb feeling went up through the Dramanauts. DJ fainted.

"You're not serious, are you?" Shantae asked, shocked. "Look at that thing! It's huge!"

"Now, now, I never said you had to climb all the way up," Chris said, holding his hands. "You just gotta go about halfway up."

"Halfway? That doesn't sound so bad." Bridgette commented.

Bon Bonne nodded, going, "Babuu!"

"So…where do you suppose halfway is?" Gwen asked, shielding her eyes from the sun as she looked up the mountain.

"See that part where it vanishes into the heavens?" Chris directed, "Halfway's right about there."

Everyone groaned. DJ, just as he was regaining consciousness, fainted again.

"To help with your climb, here are some rope and rock picks," Chris continued as Chef passed these items out to each team. "You'll know you've reached the halfway point when the air starts to thin out. Chef and I will meet you there."

"Meet us there?" Lindsay asked, "Does this mean you're climbing too?"

"Unless they put an elevator in the mountain." Bender commented.

It was at that moment a loud 'Ding!' was heard, and a door opened up on the mountainside. The teams stared in shock as Chris and Chef boarded the elevator.

"Have fun." Chris said as a farewell.

The teams could only glare at the mountain in annoyance for all things Chris-related as the elevator doors closed.

Danger Will Robinsons

Owen gasped as he climbed. Reaching a ledge, he felt around for a grip. Taking hold of a rock, the hefty teen pulled himself up. Once this strenuous chore had been completed, Owen lay flat on his back huffing and puffing, desperately trying to put wind back in his sails.

"How…huff…much..huff…further?" Owen heaved.

"Well, you only went twelve feet," Shantae said, rolling her eyes. "So, we've only got several thousand miles left to climb."

Owen, still on his back, looked up at the mountain. He looked back down the ledge he climbed at his team. Groaning, he fell back.

"Jim, you've got a rocket," Courtney said, looking up at the super hero. "Let's just fly up."

Jim rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "Yeah, the rocket. Funny story about that…"

(Flashback!)

Chris walked up to Jim as the worm wipe-cleaned his pocket rocket.

"Hey Jim, that's a pretty cool ride you got there." Chris complimented.

"Isn't it, though?" Jim asked, "It came with the suit."

"That's convenient," Chris noted, and asked, "Mind if I give it a try?"

"Sure, go ahead." Jim agreed, stepping back.

Chris wasted no time getting on. Within seconds Jim was left with a trail of exhaust going up into the sky.

(End flashback!)

"…And he hasn't given it back yet." Jim finished.

Courtney groaned. "Well, we'll just have to…"

"Don't say relay," Gwen interrupted, "Just don't."

"What?" Courtney asked, affronted.

"There is no way I'm letting you talk me into relay, just so you can harp and nag at my so-called 'bad form' again." Gwen said firmly.

"I do not nag!" Courtney protested, getting annoyed. "I only use constructive criticism to promote a more efficient game and a better way of living."

"Is that what you call it?" Gwen asked sarcastically, "Forget law school, you should be a used car salesman- woman."

Courtney's angry retort was cut off by Harold, who said, "Worry not! I will get us up this mountain! I have all the skills needed thanks to my time at Mountain Steve's Mountaineering Camp!"

"'Mountaineering Camp'?" Courtney repeated incredulously, "Are you kidding me?"

"Yeah, how many camps did this Steve guy set up?" Gwen asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yo!"

The Robinsons looked up. On a ledge much, much higher than the one Owen bravely climbed, Tyler looked down. He didn't even look winded.

"You guys comin' or what?" Tyler asked.

(Confessional)

"You know, I wasn't worried when Chris told me we'd be mountaineering for the challenge," Tyler explained, "I'm like, a wiz at rock-climbing thanks to my wicked-strong fingers."

(End Confessional)

Beam-Me-Up Scotties

The Scotties currently making better progress than the Robinsons were. One of the advantages of having less members on a team was that it meant less people to worry about. It helped that most of them, namely Fighter, Duncan, and Bridgette, were athletes.

(Confessional)

"Yeah, it'd be a long haul, but I've tons of climbing experience," Duncan bragged, filing his nails with his knife. "The kind you get climbing over prison walls, of course."

(End Confessional)

The mechanical muscles of Bender and Bon Bonne allowed them to keep up as well, especially Bon Bonne. While not as fast a climber as everyone else, the fact that the pirate baby could effectively dig his fingers into the solid rock with no effort on his part meant that all Bon Bonne had to do was keep going up. Lindsay, lacking any sort of physical ability, simply sat on Bon Bonne's head, gripping his horns.

"This is fun," the ditzy girl noted, "It's like riding a pony at the petting zoo!"

Heather and Izzy were also able to keep up. Izzy, in fact, was not only able to keep up, but also down, left, right, and diagonally. The crazed red-head kept getting distracted by various things on the mountain, and would often go off on her own to 'investigate.'

"Look!" Izzy at one point cried, "Someone put a pogo-stick in the mountain!"

BOOM!

"My mistake…just some dynamite."

But even stranger than Izzy was Ashley. The witch would just remain at the bottom of the pack, not moving an inch, even as everyone else went up. Then, just as soon as she was out of sight, they would find her waiting for them on the next ledge up.

"How does she keep doing that?" Bridgette wondered aloud, looking up as Ashley looked down on them. She was so busy looking up that she didn't notice the rock she holding onto breaking off. "Gah!"

Bridgette fell- fell right into Bon Bonne's outstretched palm.

"Babuu?" Bon Bonne asked.

"You should be more careful, Bridgette," Lindsay admonished, waving a finger. "It's dangerous up here."

"I'll…keep that in mind." Bridgette said, somewhat shaken from her near-plummet. She did something stupid and looked down. Upon realizing the great distance that was now between the Scotties and the ground, she felt her stomach tighten. Then she felt Bon Bonne's grip tighten.

Bon Bonne, acting with completely helpful intentions, threw Bridgette up the rest of the way.

"I coulda climbed!" Bridgette yelled as she went flying.

Danger Will Robinsons

The Robinsons' progress, though steady, was a bit slower than the Scotties. This was mostly due to the fact that had to stop and let Owen and Chiyo, the least physically fit of the team, pause and catch their breath. Tyler, meanwhile, kept shooting up the mountain like a human fly, to the point that the Robinsons lost track of him several.

"I can't believe he's good at his." Gwen commented, watching Tyler effortlessly make his way up.

"Isn't that a good thing?" Shantae asked, near where Gwen was.

"Yeah, but this is Tyler we're talking about, Tyler," Gwen said, "He once tripped over his feet at thumb wrestling."

"Ouch," Shantae winced, shaking her head. "That bad, huh?"

"Like you wouldn't believe…"

Other Robinsons were also marveling at Tyler's unexpected skill at climbing.

"Well, I guess he'd have to be good at something." DJ remarked to Courtney. He noticed that Courtney wasn't paying attention to him or the mountain. "What's up?"

"I'm keeping an eye out for flying pigs," Courtney answered, "Let me know if you see one."

Below her, Owen sniggered, before his gut began to churn. "Oh…thunder in the mountain!"

A soft PRRRT sounded off, but not from Owen. Confused, the fat teen looked around and saw…a pig with wings sticking out of its back, slowly gliding in the air. It glanced at Owen and went oink as he stared fish-faced at it.

(Confessional)

"Fugam sus," Chris said, "Otherwise known as the flying pig. These air-born hogs, thanks to a highly complex bowel system, are able to propel themselves through the air at a speed of thirty miles per hour, using their cherubic wings to steer. Just one of the many interesting species discovered here on the Total Drama Planet."

(End Confessional)

The pig flew over to where Black Mage was. Irritated at its flatulent propulsion method, the evil wizard took out a knife. Once the flying pig was close enough, he jammed the blade into the flying pig.

KABOOM!

When the smoke cleared, Black Mage's robes were covered in soot and scorch marks. His hat ad become disheveled, and his eyes were unfocused.

(Confessional)

"Why would it explode?" Black Mage howled, "It's a pig! Pigs do not explode!"

-TDP-

"Despite being the size of normal Earth pigs, the flying pigs are only one-tenth their weight," Chris explained, "This is due to their bodies being filled with lighter-than-air gasses- flammable gasses." He chuckled evilly.

(End Confessional)

Beam-Me-Up Scotties

On another ledge, Bender grabbed Heather's hand and pulled her up.

"Up ya go!" The robot said.

"You're Mr. Helperbot all of a sudden," Heather commented, dusting herself off. "What's the scam?"

"Scam? Why, there's no scam," Bender said in a completely sincere tone, "I'm always ready to help my cherished teammates."

"Yeah, right." Duncan snorted, casually carving a skull onto a small tree.

"Name one moment when I wasn't completely helpful." Bender challenged.

Duncan rolled his eyes. "Well…"

(Flashback!)

"Inexplicably-placed sinking hole!" Fighter yelled as he sank into the ground at the hub.

Bender didn't look up from his crossword puzzle book. "Sure, got it. Hey, what's a four-letter word for 'to give assistance?'"

"HELP!"

(Second Flashback!)

"The cows are burying me alive!" Fighter yelled as the Killer Cows from Outer Space went at him with shovels.

Bender was too busy bending a cowbell into a ball. "Whatever…"

(Another flashback!)

"Quicksand!" Fighter yelled as the desert consumed him.

Bender casually emptied sand out from his arm. "Well, don't take too long."

(One more flashback!)

"Plague of locusts!" Fighter yelled as a buzzing black cloud chased him.

Bender, lying out in a folding chair with his eye shield down, snored.

(End of the flashbacks!)

Bender rolled his eyes. "Oh, those don't count. They're barely flukes, if anything. Normally, I am a completely helpful robot full of futuristic technology that any team would love to have!"

"Uh-huh, suuuure," Duncan shrugged, "What can you do besides drink beer?"

"Plenty!" Bender shot back, and said, "Watch!"

Bender's legs telescoped out, pushing the rest of his metal body up into the air until he towered over Bon Bonne. Once he had established the telescopic abilities of his limbs, Bender then took off his head and spun it around on his finger, humming the Globetrotters' theme. Is head rolled across his shoulders onto his other hand and back again, upon which he seamlessly refitted it back into its slot. Opening up his chest cabinet, Bender took out three white balls and began to juggle them.

"That's…not bad, actually." Duncan admitted.

"Can we get going, already?" Heather asked impatiently.

(Confessional)

"Bender is the next to go if we lose again," Heather stated, "Not only does he make as many crude comments as Duncan does, but his stupid 'fire-burps' almost set fire to my hair! Twice!"

-TDP-

"My plan to remain in this game is as simple as it is elegant," Bender confided, "Step one; become an irreplaceable resource, which I believe I have done just that. Step 2 is to form an alliance with one of the stronger players. But who, you may ask, is a strong player?"

It was at that moment that Izzy burst out from Bender's chest cabinet, shocking the robot.

"Whoa! It is so roomy!" Izzy said quickly, "It's like whoever built doesn't care about the laws of physics! Better watch out, or I'll have the physics police on you!" She laughed. "Naw, I'm just kidding. I would never rat out a teammate. I'd wait until after one of us were eliminated."

Bender narrowed his eyes at her. "Listen you, stay outta my…" He trailed off and began to chuckle slyly as an idea came to him. "So tell me…Izzy, was it? Do you, y'know, have any voting preferences…?"

(End Confessional)

Danger Will Robinsons

"How…much…higher?" Chiyo asked, panting. Her cute little cheeks were turned red her tongue was hanging out like a cute little Pekinese dog, and even her cute little pigtails were drooping.

Gwen looked up…and up…and up…and up…

"Whoa!" DJ cried, catching Gwen almost fell over, "Careful."

"Sorry," Gwen muttered, shaking her head. "Just a little vertigo…"

"Doesn't anyone find the level of oxygen at this altitude a bit confusing?" Harold asked, "I mean, the higher you go, the thinner the air gets, doesn't it?"

"Is there a reason we should care?" Black Mage asked, reaching into his robes.

"Well, obviously, there is, gosh!" Harold retorted irritably. He didn't notice Black Mage pulling out a dagger, nor did he notice DJ restrain him. "The thinner the air gets, the harder it is to breath. And yet, not one of us is having trouble breathing."

A loud gasping and heaving called Harold's attention. Turning their heads, DJ, Black Mage, Gwen and Harold looked to see Earthworm Jim, Luigi, and Courtney try to pull Owen up onto the ledge. The chubby teen was sweating bullets, his face turning blue, and he continually made sounds like bicycle pump pushing air through an inner tube with a large hole and a poorly-done patch.

"And you want that to happen to us, do you?" Black Mage asked, subtly slipping out of DJ's grip.

"Well, it would make more sense…" Harold admitted.

A moment later, he was down on the ground with a knife sticking out of his head.

Beam-Me-Up Scotties

The Scotties were once again making their way the mountain, this time taking a series of ledges that seem to zig-zag up the mountain wall. Heather, trailing just behind Fighter, took one moment to look back down. Big mistake. As she tried to stave off the feeling of vertigo, Fighter stopped and looked out.

"Wow, would you look at this view!" He exclaimed, "We're so high up!"

"Shut up, Fighter." Heather hissed, shuddering.

"I don't think anyone's been this high up before," Fighter continued, "You can't even see what the ground looks like! And you especially can't see the little specks who would be people if you were looking at them from a high cliff that wasn't as high as this one!"

"Shut up, Fighter." Heather said in a pleading tone. She would've gone around him, but the path was just too narrow.

"I bet if you fell from here, you'd probably pass from boredom before even hitting the ground!" Fighter theorized excitedly.

"FIGHTER, WOULD YOU SHUT UP AND MOVE?" Heather screamed.

(Confessional)

"What I hate most about this show, besides the utterly stupid teammates is the fact that we're always going up huge cliffs," Heather commented, "It's like Chris has this 'thing' about trying to give us acrophobia in each episode."

-TDP-

"What I like best about this show, besides all the new and interesting people we meet, it's all the new and interesting places we go to," Fighter said, "It's like Chris has this 'thing' about using a different location for each episode."

(End Confessional)

Higher up from where Fighter and Heather were, Bender, Bridgette and Izzy were engaged in a little shop talk.

"I think it's so cool that you're from the future, Bender," Izzy chattered, "What's it like? I figure you could proofread me a little.

"Proofread?" Bridgette asked.

Izzy nodded eagerly. "At my aunt's Y2K party, I made a buttload of predictions on what's gonna happen in the future. Some haven't really worked out, but now I can find out whether or not I'm really psychic or was just too buzzed on caffeine!"

Bender rolled his eyes and kept going.

(Confessional)

"One of the biggest problems with being from the future is all the groupies," Bender complained, "They're all, 'Hey, Bender! What's gonna happen next year?' 'Which team will win the superbowl?' and 'Oh, Bender! I'm about to go broke! Which company should I buy stock in?' I got my own problems, so leave me alone!"

(End Confessional)

As they kept going, Izzy kept spouting one inane prediction after another. Bender kept silent more or less, and any replies he gave were short and succinct.

"So, first I thought that we might develop a way to harness cheese into a reusable resource…"

"Nope."

"…And that mice are gonna rise up against human experimentation…"

"That wouldn't be so bad…" Bridgette mumbled.

"Think again." Bender replied.

"Oh! Oh! And that aliens are gonna wipe us out cause we cancelled their favorite show!"

"That's gonna happen." Bender admitted.

"You're kidding." Bridgette said, gaping. It was strange enough finding out that Izzy was actually right about something was jarring enough, but it had to be something that sounded really stupid…

"But don't worry," Bender assured in a gloating tone, "Me and my friends will save the day with a daring plan I came up with."

"Oh…good." Bridgette mumbled, not sure what to say. For some reason, Bender's words didn't put her at ease.

Danger Will Robinsons

The Robinsons had made it up to another ledge, and as usual, Tyler was already on his way up to the next one.

"I know Tyler's excited about being good at something for once," Gwen said, "But would it kill him to wait for the rest of us?"

DJ cupped his hand over his mouth and yelled, "Tyler! Slow down!"

Not a moment after Luigi had spoken when a faint snap was heard from above. Tyler, yelling, fell down onto the ledge the rest of the Robinsons. One hand was clutching a broken branch.

"He said slow down, Tyler." Gwen said.

Earthworm Jim bent down and put Tyler back on his feet. "That's what you get for rushing ahead! It's dangerous up here, you know!"

"Does anyone hear a cracking noise?" Black Mage asked, looking at the bottom of his robes. His words were ignored.

Tyler shook his head, still dazed from his fall. "Sorry…"

Luigi noticed something and walked up the mountain wall Tyler had climbed. "Hmmm… Hey, check this out."

The Robinsons quickly gathered around where Luigi was, with Jim and Owen stuck in the back.

"What the heck are these little holes?" Courtney asked, bewildered.

"They almost look like…fingerprints." Shantae suggested, disbelieving.

"They can't be fingerprints," Black Mage scoffed, "You'd have to have some kind of absurd strength to make those kind of dents in rock with your fingers, and we all know Jim hasn't been near this part of the mountain."

"Hey, I've got wicked finger strength!" Tyler spoke up.

"You did this?" Harold asked, awed.

"Heck, yeah!"

"Gosh…"

Owen, from his place at the rear, leaned in for a better look. Unfortunately, this meant he ended up leaning on Black Mage, who didn't' like the feeling of a sweaty, bloated belly pressing down on him shoulders.

"Watch it, tubby." Black Mage growled, and pushed Owen back.

Owen, his balance thrown off, fell on his rump with a thud. The force of his impact caused the already weakened ledge to crack up, however…

"What's that noise…?" DJ wondered, turning his head. He turned pale when he saw the ground begin to give away. He gave a shrill shriek before yelling, "Climb! Now!"

The rest of the Robinsons were confused by this statement until they saw what the matter was. Yelling frantically, they scrambled up the mountain wall as quickly as they could manage, some trying to climb over others…

…Except for Jim and Owen, still stuck in the back. Unable to reach the cliff face in time, they fell, shrieking all the way.
Meanwhile, the other Robinsons had reached the next ledge in record time.

"That was close," Tyler gasped, "Is everybody okay?"

Black Mage looked over the ledge. The sight of Jim and Owen plummeting to their deaths brought an unseen smile to his face.

"In a few minutes, we'll be better than ever." The evil wizard grinned malevolently. The other Robinsons looked over to see he was talking about.

As Jim and Owen, clinging to each other fell down to certain doom, the top of Jim's backpack opened up. Something green reached out and stuck onto the side of the mountain, and as Jim and Owen continued to fall, it began to stretch out. Soon enough, the substance began to tighten as it was stretched out further, until…

SPRRROOINNNGGG!

Like a rubber band launched by a bore high school student, the green stuff snapped back, sending Jim and Owen flying up the mountain faster than they were falling down it. The Robinsons gaped open-mouthed at their accelerated ascent.

"…I knew that would happen." Black Mage commented.

"…You so did not." Gwen retorted.

Beam-Me-Up Scotties

The Scotties were no longer walking up a mountain path. They were currently climbing up the mountainside, this time by a strange white substance that strewn about. Bender was busy regaling them with more 'tales of the future'.

"…And that's the story of how I became supreme ruler of the Earth for a few weeks." Bender finished.

"So, you only took over because everyone else left?" Duncan asked, smirking.

"Hey! I don't give personal interpretations to your epic conquests!" Bender snarled, "Shut up!"

Duncan shrugged. "Whatever."

The delinquent tried to go up another strand of white stuff, only to find that his hand had become stuck. After a few tries, he managed to pull it loose.

"What the heck is this stuff?" Duncan asked, half-complaining.

Lindsay, once again riding Bon Bonne, gently poked some of the stuff. "I dunno, but it sure is sticky. Ewww, I hope I don't get any in my hair! It would take hours wash out!"

Bridgette looked up and down at the parts of the strange substance that seemed to be spread out in odd patterns.

"It almost looks like a big spider's web…" She murmured.

"It is a spider's web." Ashley reported as she passed Bridgette.

"What makes you say that?"

"The spider."

"What spider?"

Ashley pointed down. "That one."

Everyone looked down. At the bottom of the web was a giant spider, roughly the size, shape, and judging from the way its eyes were narrowed, temperament of Chef. It was scrambling up at them, making furious rasping clicks.

"Why didn't you mention that earlier, you rotten…!" Heather began to yell when she realized that Ashley was nowhere in sight.

The Scotties looked around frantically, and upon looking up, saw Ashley looking down at them from the next ledge.

"How does she keep doing that?" Bridgette asked. An angry clicking reminded her of the situation at hand.

Whatever difficulty the rest of the Scotties had with navigating the webbings were quickly shunted aside as their survival instincts kicked in, and they shot up the web with great speed.

"THE SPIDERS ARE COMING!"

Except for Fighter, who flailed and writhed uncontrollably, as if he had already been caught.

"SWORDS, THOUGH SHINY THEY MIGHT BE, CANNOT STAND AGAINST THE DOOM THAT THE CHILDREN OF ARACHNIA SPELL IN THEIR SINISTER TAPESTRIES!" He raved, "LO, THEIR CONFUSING PATTERNS ARE BUT TRAPS TO LURE IN THE WEAK AND EASILY DISTRACTED, FOR IN THOSE TRAPS ARE CERTAIN DEATH, ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE ALLERGIC…"

As Fighter carried on, Bon Bonne reached over and took hold of him with his right fist. The pirate baby slammed Fighter's head into the mountain several times before checking to see if the warrior was still conscious. Once he was sure that Fighter was out cold, Bon Bonne then threw the idiot the rest of the way.

(Confessional)

"Some guy in a white coat told me I have arachnophobia, which is silly," Fighter commented, rubbing the bump sticking out of his red hair. "I'm sick, spiders just scare me."

(End Confessional)

Up on the mountain, much higher up than where either team was, was a wide cliff. The mountain wall opened up, and out came Chris and Chef Hatchet.

"That had to be the longest elevator ride ever," Chris complained, "Seriously, couldn't whoever had installed it could put in a turbo boost or something?"

Chef shrugged, and began to set up a barbecue. They still had a few hours until one of the teams showed up, which was more than enough time to cook up a good batch of ribs for lunch…

"Wait, do you hear something?" Chris asked, looking around.

Chef looked up from the grill he was attempting to lit and scanned the area. He could hear a faint noise, almost like a pair of voices screaming…

That was when Jim and Owen rose up in front of the cliff, clinging to each other.

"AAAAH- Hey, we're here!" Owen realized when he felt the force of their rise slow as they reached the apex of their ascent.

Jim also realized this. "Why, so we are! And look! Chris and Chef, here to welcome us! Hello there!"

As Owen and Jim cheerfully waved to a really weirded out Chris and Chef, they soon realized that Newton's Law of Gravity kicking in; what goes up must go down. Their screams making a triumphant comeback, the pair plummeted back down, soon vanishing from sight.

After a moment, Chris and Chef looked over the ledge.

(Confessional)

"It took us over an hour, but we found Jim and Owen on another ledge up," Chiyo said, no longer wearing the helmet, "Of course, it took us fifteen minutes to revive them…"

(End Confessional)

Danger Will Robinsons

"So, how do ya feel?" Luigi asked as he steadied Owen, "You think you can walk on your own?"

"Cranberries are good in the fall…" Owen muttered. Not far from where he stood were two imprints in the ground, shaped like him and Jim in spread-eagle.

Jim, meanwhile, was doing a better job of shrugging off pain. "Well, I have good news, anyway. I think we won't have that far to go. Owen and I saw Chris just before gravity reared its ugly head. And once the little birdies go away, we can hop to it!"

Black Mage glared at a group of birds that looked like deformed parakeets and yelled, "You heard him, beat it."

Sniffing, the birdies flew off.

As the Robinsons prepared to begin the climb again, Chiyo noticed a pair of eyes peeking out from under the lid of Jim's backpack.

"Uh, Jim-san, what's that?" Chiyo asked awkwardly.

"What's what?" Jim asked, looking around.

"There are…eyes…in your backpack…" Chiyo told him hesitantly.

Jim screwed his face up in thought as he considered the underage college student's words. Then, he snapped his fingers as the answer came to him, smiling. Reaching into his backpack, he pulled out what looked like a basketball glob of green goo with eyes and a dopey smile on its face.

"You mean this little guy?" Jim asked, "This is Snot! He's lived in my backpack since the day I got my suit!"

Chiyo smiled uncertainly at the grinning green blob. She wasn't sure what to say…

"Hey! What's the hold up, guys?" Courtney demanded, walking up behind Jim. "We need to get moving or we're going to lose this challenge!"

"I was just showing Chiyo here my pet booger," Jim explained, turning around. He held Snot up to Courtney's face. "Isn't he cute?"

Courtney's expression could only be described as a combination of revulsion and emotional turmoil.

Then Snot licked her.

Instantly, Courtney's face froze into a state of shocked neutrality.

-TDP-

The view switched to that of a far off shot of the mountain.

"!"

The entire setting shook as various flying creatures bid a hasty retreat from the mountain.

Danger Will Robinsons

"It licked me! It licked me!" Courtney screeched as she ran around in circles, "It's disgusting, gunky, slimy and green and it licked me!"

"Now what?" Luigi asked, staring.

Tyler thought, tapping his chin as he looked between the hysterical former CIT and the earthworm-holding green blob.

Snapping his fingers, the wannabe jocked said, "Ohhh, right! Courtney doesn't like green, slimy stuff!"

"Really?" Gwen asked, raising an eyebrow. "I thought that was just jell-o. Wow."

Hearing this, Jim quickly put Snot back in the backpack, saying, "Maybe you should sit this one out, little fella."

While DJ tried to calm Courtney down, the rest of the Robinsons huddled.

"So, what do we do about Courtney…" Shantae began to say when the bossy girl's shrill wails were suddenly cut off.

Looking up from their huddle, they saw Courtney lying flat on her face, with a dagger sticking out of her back. Black Mage stood over her.

"What!" He demanded irritably.

"Dude!" DJ yelled angrily, "Would you stop with the stabbing? It's getting old, man!"

"Well, I'm sorry," Black Mage huffed, "But am I the only one concerned with this team's safety?" He paused. "Well, some of this team's safety," Another pause. "Okay, just mine."

Gwen rolled her eyes. "Whatever. What was that about safety?" She asked as DJ and Luigi attempted to treat Courtney.

"We're pretty high up on a mountain peak selected by Chris, and Courtney was getting pretty loud," Black Mage explained. While he was talking, small pebble fell on his hat. He didn't notice it, nor did he notice the Robinsons looking up. "If she kept screaming, she probably would've triggered an avalanche. I'm surprised a rock slide didn't happen yet anyway…"

CRASH! CRUN-CRUNCH!

Everyone stared at the pile of rocks that lay where Black Mage once stood.

"That'd be tragic if it happened to someone else." Gwen noted.

There were mutters of agreement.

-TDP-

Up at the finish point, Chris lay back on a reclining beach chair, casually filing his nails. Not far away from was Chef, working hard at the grill.

"…So, her twin suddenly shows up at the restaurant," Chris was saying, "And claims she's the one who had the date with me, and the other girl impersonated her."

"Dang," Chef said, "Sounds like something outta soap opera! So, what'd ya do?"

"Only thing I could do," Chris said, "Stood up, held out my hand and said, 'Check, please!'"

Chef sniggered, and before Chris could call him on this, a soft THUNK caught their ears. Looking out towards the ledge, they saw one of Bon Bonne's hands gripping it, shortly followed by the other hand. Then Lindsay's head popped p, looking around.

Spotting Chris and Chef, she looked down and said, "Here they are!" and daintily hopped onto the ledge.

As Bon Bonne slowly pulled himself up, Bender came up next, and began to deftly pull every other Scotty onto the ledge.

"Welcome, Scotties!" Chris greeted, clapping his hands as he walked to them. "Congratulations on being the first team up. We'll start the next portion of the challenge when the Robinsons show up, but until then, please help yourselves to a lovely rib barbecue banquet that Chef has graciously cooked just for you."

Chris gestured to a picnic table, where the banquet in question has indeed been set up. A large platter of ribs had been placed in the middle, while plates were placed all around it. Ashley unfolded a napkin onto her lap.

Chris blanched. "Where'd she come from!"

"Dude, don't ask." Duncan said, walking past the host.

As the rest of the Robinsons went to take their places at the table, Bridgette stood in front of Chris, looking uncomfortable.

"Um, Chris…" She began.

"Yes, Bridgette," The host sighed, rolling his eyes. "I'm well aware that you're a vegetarian who doesn't eat meat. And no, we have not prepared a salad. But, just to show what a nice guy I am, you can have this apple I snagged from this morning's breakfast fruit basket."

Chris pulled the fruit from his pocket and casually tossed it to the veggo(1). Bridgette caught it, fumbling for a moment. Regarding it and Chris, she shrugged, and lifted it up to her mouth to eat. That's when the sound rang out.

THUD.

Bridgette looked up.

THUD.

The Scotties looked up from the as-of-yet uneaten ribs, except for Ashley. She reached over for one.

THUD.

Chris and Chef looked to the entrance for the elevator. That's where the sound was coming from. The two exchanged meaningful looks before Chef picked up a rolling pin and began to inch towards the doors. Once he was close enough, he raised the weapon to strike at whatever was in there.

POW!

A fist shot through the door, hitting Chef square in the nose. As the big scary black man was sent flying, the doors to the elevator opened, and Earthworm Jim poked his head out.

"Hah!" The superhero exclaimed triumphantly, "Touchdown!" Stepping out, he looked back into the elevator and said, "We're here, guys!"

One by one, the rest of the Robinsons poured out, each voicing their thanks at finally reaching their destination, and complaining about the long climb. Owen, the last one out, had difficulty getting through the opening.

"Thank god we're here…"

"I think I've got blisters on my blisters…"

"Hey! Ribs!"

"Hold it," Chris said, stepping in front of the new arrivals before they could converge on the table. "What were you doing in there?"

"A landslide opened up the shaft for your elevator," Shantae explained, "We just climbed up the cable."

"But did elevator was in your way," Chris said, frowning. "How did you...?" A horrified look came upon his face. "You didn't."

"We found a trapdoor," Luigi put in, "But it was stuck. Now about those ribs…"

"Well, they were for the firs team up, but since you got here before they could actually start eating them…" Chris grinned as an evil idea came to him. "I guess it's just gonna have to be first come, first served!"

There was a mixed amount of cheers and boos from the Robinsons and Scotties respectively, but the loudest cry came from Owen, still stuck in the elevator doors.

"YEAH! Ribs, baby! Woo-hoo!" The fat teen whooped, and tried to break free. Much to his embarrassment, he realized that he was stuck but good. "Um, little help?"

Nobody heard him over the sounds of eating and competing to keep eating.

"Mm, ribs!"

"Hey! Those were mine!"

"You heard Chris! First come, first served!"

"Dudes, seriously! I'm stuck!" Owen cried, fidgeting. Unfortunately, the elevator would not release the death grip it had on his fat. "Anyone?" Owne could only watch in horror as the pile of ribs quickly diminished. "Come on, man! Throw me a friggen bone, here!"

(Confessional)

"It was awful!" Owen sobbed, "I didn't want to watch, but I couldn't take my eyes away! No challenge conceived by Chris would ever be as torturous as that!"

(End Confessional)

"You people are monsters!" Owen wailed, "Cold, inhuman monsters!"

The 'snack break' was now over, Chef had recovered, and Owen was now free of his bind. Unfortunately, not one rib had been left over. The Dramanauts that had eaten were quite hungry.

The teams followed Chris into a cave leading deep into the mountain.

"If Owen's done being a baby…" Chris began.

"I'm not!"

"I can tell you about the next half of your challenge," Chris continued, ignoring Owen. "You've successfully climbed up a mountain. Now, what comes next?"

The teams exchanged looks, wondering where Chris was going with this.

"Let me give you a hint," Chris said, "What goes up… Anyone?"

"Can go up even more?" Tyler guessed.

"Ehn! Wrong!" Chris buzzed.

"Can fly?" Lindsay suggested.

"Wrong again!"

"Ooh, I know!" Fighter cried, bouncing on his heels. "What goes up, must get really tired from lack of oxygen?"

"Down, people!" Chris cried, "What goes up, must go down! You're goal, which completing first will win the challenge, is to get back to the bottom of the mountain."

"Surely you're not serious." Black Mage said.

"I am serious," Chris retorted good-naturedly, "And don't call me Shirley."

Eventually, Chris led the Dramanauts into a large room. At his direction, they all crowded into the center.

"Okay, but we're inside the mountain now," Heather pointed, "How do we get down? Fall down a hole or something?"

"Mayyybe." Chris grinned evilly.

It was then that the teams realized that while they were standing on a gigantic bulls-eye painted on the floor…while Chris was still standing at the room's entrance. As comprehension dawned, Chris pulled a lever on the wall, causing the floor to fall into an incline. Shrieking, screaming, and yelling in surprise and shock, the Dramanauts slid down into the darkness, out of sight.

"First one to the bottom wins for their team!" Chris yelled after them.

(Confessional)

"The part I love best would be the moment of realization before impact." Chris admitted.

(End Confessional)

Rather than falling down an asinine pit, the teams found themselves tumbling down an elaborate giant slide, with various curves, forks, and other twists and turns. There were loops, bumps, and

And the ride wasn't a whole slide, either. The forks divided the Dramanauts up, mixing them into bizarre, normally unforeseen combinations.

"You know, I liked it better when he bragged about how we were going to suffer!" Luigi yelled.

Next to him, Duncan asked, "You too, huh?"

Some Dramanauts ended up in combinations more painful than others. Black Mage personally enjoyed watching Bon Bonne crush Bender as they hit a tight corner- only to squawk out in pain as they then hit an opposing corner. Black Mage, unlike Bender, was not made of a durable metal. Fighter ended up going down a different route than Heather, much to the mean girl's relief at being freed from his stupidity- only to feel a migraine come on when Gwen came out of nowhere and bumped into her.

"Hey! Watch where you're going, weird goth girl!" Heather spat.

"Hey, I'm not enjoying this anymore than you!" Gwen shot back.

Before the bickering could really get going, both girls fell through a trapdoor. Meanwhile, the rest of the Dramanauts kept up their wild ride down the mountain slide. Whoever had designed the entire set up must have taken a page from MC Escher's design book, as some of the paths the Dramanauts went down looked down right confusing on paper, and felt even more distorting to ride on. The only people not showing signs of nausea were Fighter, Tyler, Lindsay, Izzy, andOwen, who were having the time of their lives, ("It's more fun if you hold your arms in the air!" Izzy yelled as she passed Courtney and Luigi on a separate track) and Ashley, who showed no emotions whatsoever. The little witch just kept sliding down with a neutral expression on her face.

-TDP-

Heather and Gwen fell out from the ceiling into a giant glass box, with holes on the sides.

"Ugh, my butt…" Heather groaned, rubbing her landing pad. "Couldn't Chris have sprung for a pillow or two?"

Gwen, however, had other matters on her mind. She was staring out of the box, at the elaborate room with computer screens, terminals, and strange devices poking out of the floor and walls.

"Where are we?" The goth asked, confused.

The sound of maniacal laughter caught the girls' ears.

"At last, I have you in my clutches, Earthworm Jim!" A pretentious voice cackled, "Take a moment to look back on your life as I… Hey! Who the heck are you kids?"

A figure stepped out from the shadows, and the two teen girls stared at it. It was a strange one, that was for sure. Maybe it was the purple lab coat with slightly ominous dark stains here and there. Maybe it was the expression of manic fury on its face. But it was probably the monkey that seemed grafted to his head, sharing his eyes.

"Who are we? Who are you?" Gwen asked.

"What are you?" Heather asked.

The stranger stood up proudly. "I am Professor Monkey-For-A-Head, Earthworm Jim's arch-nemesis!"

"You mean besides the bird guy and the fish?" Gwen asked.

The Professor glared as the monkey snickered. "Shut up! This was supposed to have been a trap for that insipid worm, but you two brats are here instead!"

"Well, don't blame us!" Heather retorted, "We didn't want to end up in this loser-hole! Just let us go!"

(Confessional)

"As much as I hate to say it, but I kinda admire Heather's refusal to stop being…Heather…in the face of danger." Gwen admitted.

(End Confessional)

Professor Monkey-For-A-Head rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Well, I don't know…" A beeping from a computer caught his ear. Looking at it, he said, "Ha! Here's another one coming! I'll bet it's Jim this time!"

Sure enough, the next body dumped into the glass was Earthworm Jim. However, he was shortly followed by Bender, Chiyo, Courtney, DJ, Lindsay, Luigi, Shantae, and Red.

"Maybe I should lock the trapdoors down…" the Professor murmured.

-TDP-

Back on the slide, those still in the running had discovered that Chris had loaded the chutes with more than just twists and turns. Some parts of the slide had certain substances poured on them as they went.

"Tar-colored slime!" Bridgette cried, wiping her eyes.

"Itching powder!" Owen cried, scratching himself furiously.

"Ball bearings! Ouch-ooh-ack!" Black Mage groaned as his chubby wizard body was pummeled.

"Ahhhh yeah, lovin' it!" Izzy whooped.

As their chutes met up and regrouped into a single slide, Tyler noticed a distinct gap in the amount of sliders.

"Um, aren't we missing someones?" He asked.

"Oh, I bet they're fine," Fighter replied, "It's not like they're in the clutches of some deranged supervillain or something."

-TDP-

"I have you in my clutches now, Earthworm Jim," Professor Monkey-For-A-Head gloated, "And this time, there's no escape!"

"Oh, yeah? We'll see about that, simian-skull!" Jim retorted.

The wormy wonder pulled back and slammed his fist into the wall of the glass box that imprisoned him and the other Dramanauts. It shuddered, but didn't break.

"Wow, that's some pretty hard glass." Luigi commented.

The Professor chuckled evilly. "You're brute strength will do you no good here, Jim. That glass is strong enough to blunt the impact of a meteor! And now that you're suitably trapped, there's nothing to stop me from frying that puny worm body of yours!"

Pointed directly in front of the box was a giant, science-fictiony ray gun. Professor Monkey-For-A-Head rushed over to the controls and began to push buttons. The tip of the ray gun began to glow, signifying its activation.

"Wait! What about us?" Heather cried.

"I would love to help, but I'm a loooooser," Professor Monkey-For-A-Head snapped, "So just sit tight! It'll be over in a few seconds."

Then the Monkey gibbered something.

"What? Oh, fine." The Professor grumbled, and walked over to the box. Taking out a pen and paper, he slid the items through an airhole to Lindsay. "Would you mind signing this? It's for the monkey, he's a huge fan."

"Um, okay." Lindsay said, and took the pen and paper. After writing something down, she passed it back to Professor Monkey-For-A-Head.

"Now…" The Professor said as the Monkey waved the autograph like a flag, "…To business!"

As Professor Monkey-For-A-Head zipped back to the cannon, the Dramanauts began to panic. Luigi, Lindsay and DJ jumped behind Jim, who spread his arms out protectively.

"Isn't there anything we can do?" Gwen asked.

"Not unless we can shatter glass…" Harold said thoughtfully, and snapped his fingers. "…Which we can!"

Harold rushed over behind Jim, and stretched his arms over the crouching DJ, Luigi and Lindsay towards the backpack.

"What are you doing?" Bender asked.

"The only thing that could save us," Harold replied, "Sorry to do this to you, Courtney, but our lives depend on it!"

Harold opened the backpack and took out Snot. Without a moment's pause he tossed the green gooey alien onto the type A. The result was instantaneous.

-TDP-

For the second time, the mountain shook.

"!"

-TDP-

Amid a floor covered with shattered glass, Earthworm Jim held Professor Monkey-For-A-Head by the cuff of his lab coat.

"This is the part where you punch me into the stratosphere, isn't it?" The mad scientist gulped.

Jim was already winding up his fist. "You are smart!"

As Jim did the aforementioned stratosphere-punching, Chiyo saw a door marked 'EXIT'

"I found a way out!" She called, and opened it up. As she went into it, she suddenly dropped out of view, crying, "It's another sliiiiiide!"

-TDP-

Back on the slide, despite a few setbacks, Owen found himself pulling out in front of the other remaining Dramanauts. Years of engorging pizzas, French fries, hamburgers, and other greasy foodstuffs had given his body a natural slipperiness that would be envy of most fish. As he fluidly went down the chutes, he noticed a series of signs;

EXIT

UP

AHEAD

FATSO

"I'm almost at the end? Awesome!" Owen whooped, missing the insult in his elation. "And I don't see anyone else! Double-awesome!"

Sure enough, he could barely see a dot of light in the distance, signifying the end of the twisting tunnel.

"Yeah, score one more win for the Robinsons!" Owen cheered, "I'm so close to victory that I can smell it!" He sniffed. "And it smells like…" Sniff. Sniff. "Smells like…" Sniff-sniff-sniff. "Smells like…"

"Smells like what?"

Owen jerked his head to the left. Right next to him, albeit a few seconds behind, was Ashley! And in her hand she held…

"Ribs!" Owen gasped, staring. The hunger that the adrenalin rush had scared off returned with reinforcements.

Ashley watched as Owen stared. Curiously, she held up the ribs above her head. Owen's gaze followed.

"Do you want it?" the little witch asked.

Owen was too busy drooling to answer coherently. AS his stomach gurgled, he snapped out of it. "No! Must focus! Cannot be distracted by the…tender…" His eyes drifted towards the rib. "Juicy…"

Ashley began to wave the rib back and forth slowly, like the flag of an inattentive fan. Owen began to shake.

"You're evil…" He whispered, "Eeeevil…"

"You can have it." Ashley replied.

"Really!" Owen shrieked, causing a bit of dust fall from the ceiling.

"Really."

And with that, Ashley gave the rib a toss. Over Owen.

"Noooo!" Owen wailed, and launched himself after the projectile meat product.

CRUNCH!

Ashley slid out past the finish line and onto the ground. Getting up, she daintily smoothed out her dress.

"Congratulations, Ashley!" Chris said, walking over to her. "You are the first one down, which means the winners of this event are the Beam-Me-Up Scot- Whoa." Chris stared into the tunnel of the slide. "What happened to him?"

Owen, half-way burrowed into the wall of the slide tunnel, kicked his legs pitiably. A soft crunching could be heard.

"He's just hungry." Ashley replied.

(Confessional)

"So, I lost the event," Owen sighed, "But, I mean, they're not gonna vote me off for it, right? I mean, we planned to vote off Black Mage first, right? Right." Owen's lip trembled before he began to bawl. "I don't wanna be voted off! This show is all that I'm good at! Baaaaaw!"

(End Confessional)

By the time the Dramanauts had returned to the hub, night had fallen, so the Robinsons were forced to go straight to the dramatic elimination ceremony the minute the shuttle landed. While the Scotties went to go relax in the Delux-o-tron, the Robinsons voted in the confessional. Afterwards, they marched over to the transporter, where Chris was waiting with a plate of rocks.

"Okay, I don't wanna miss the late, late, late, late movie being aired tonight, so let's make this quick," the host said, "As you know, whoever doesn't get a rock will ride the Beam of Defeat off the planet. So, who will it be? The enemy-attracting Earthworm Jim…"

Jim gulped, rubbing the back of his head.

"…The guy who chose his stomach over his team, Owen…"

Owen tugged at the collar of his shirt, sweating.

"…Or, our stab-happy Black Mage?"

"Can we just get started?" Black Mage asked, "My head is starting to ache."

Chris shrugged, and began to toss out rocks. "Luigi…Shantae…Gwen…Harold…Tyler…"

(Confessional)

"I know Owen lost the event, but I'm still voting for Black Mage. Why?" Tyler took off his top and turned around, showing a bunch of scars on his back. "Owen doesn't stab me!"

(End Confessional)

"DJ…Chiyo…Courtney…" Chris paused, and tossed the second to last rock. "Jim…"

Jim caught the rocked and wiped his brow. Pocketing it, he flashed a thumbs up at the camera.

"And now, the last rock." Chris said, and held it up. A tense five seconds passed as Owen and Black Mage stared at it.

Owen bit his lip.

Black Mage tugged at his hat.

Chris closed his eyes, as if deep in thought. Finally, he gave the rock a toss.

"Black Mage."

Black Mage didn't bother to catch the rock. Instead, he pulled his hat down over his face, thankfully muffling a series of profanities both obscure and eldritch.

"Owen, my man, you were always one of my favorite ratings grabbers, but now it's time to go," Chris said, clapping the hefty teen on the shoulder. "Beam of Defeat, dude."

Owen sighed, and stood up. Walking over in to the teleporter, he looked back at his now ex-teammates. None of them looked particularly happy to see him go.

"Sorry, big guy." Gwen called out.

"We'll miss you." Luigi said.

"It was nothing personal," Courtney added, "Just strategy."

Owen looked down for a moment, then, looking determined, He stepped into the teleporter.

"I'll see you guys later, dudes!" He yelled as he vanished in a flash of light.

"It's gonna different without him around here." Jim sighed.

"It'll smell better, for one thing." Shantae giggled nervously.

(Confessional)

"Owen's…likable, if you ignore his disgusting gluttony and flatulence," Courtney said, "But his appetite's sunk a team's win more than once. I don't think Ashley's a real witch, but she's smart. If she can trick Owen like that once, she can do it again."

(End confessional)

"And so we end the episode with the loss of one of Total Drama's biggest rating grabbers," Chris sighed, and brightened up. "Luckily, we have plenty of wacky characters who can fill Owen's laugh-quota. Who will take his place as wackiest player? Find out next time, on Total…Drama…Planet!"

A/N: This chapter took a loooong time, due to a combination of college work, writer's block, and a big decision, namely whether or not to vote off Owen. I, personally, like the big lug, but I was conflicted as to whether or not I should let him go for the story. I didn't want to get rid of anybody else just yet, (I'd say why, but there's a no spoiler rule going on) so I ultimately decided 'screw it' and got rid of him. It was either this or Shantae, who would've been lost due to the Wheel of Elimination.

Give me your thoughts on this startling turn of events in your reviews.

From the Dinosaurs TV show episode I Won't Eat For My Father; a rather unpleasant word for someone who's a vegetarian.