Ugh... Sorry. Again. For the wait. I dunno what's wrong with me. Now, instead of wanting to write, instead of drawing, all I want to do is draw, instead of write. I already got two pictures up in the last week, and am working on like a million others... of course... most of them are bases... and are related to my Apocalypse series... Not to mention ALL THESE FREAKING STORY IDEAS IN MAH BRAINS... Too much inspiration.

I have inspiration constipation.

Gross.

Anyway. On with the poorly written chapter. Sorry if Bernard seems OOC. I just figured he'd be a little more cranky in a crowded mall around the holidays than he would on a lonely catwalk with Roxanne.


He could feel his breath hitch in his chest as a bead of sweat rolled down the back of his neck. With shaky hands, he swiped at his brow and peaked around the edge of the wall.

Come ON Megamind… you can DO this. You are the incredibly handsome, former criminal genius and master of all heroing! He berated himself. The blue hero took a deep breath, counted backwards from five, and leapt back into the fray.

"Eep! Megamind!"

"Oh my god! It's Megamind!"

"Can I have your autograph?"

"He's gonna rob us!"

"Unhand that neck massager, you harlot!"

Megamind found himself bustled off to the side again, and ducked into an alcove as bodies rushed past. Men and women of every shape, size, and temperament rushed past his hiding spot, shouting to one another, carting dozens of bags and frightened-looking children that tried not to get stepped on. Grown women fought like ravenous wolves over things in display cases, and at one point he thought he heard the tinkling of broken glass and a series of angry shouts.

Megamind swallowed and slumped back against the wall.

Why was he here again?

Oh yeah.

Presents.

Tomorrow was Christmas Eve.

He had less than two days to find gifts for Minion, Roxanne, and Joel. Oh, and Music Man.

He was still wondering how he'd gotten talked into that…

He took a deep breath, and once again dove back into the chaos.

Megamind found himself lost in the sea of bodies, shoved one way and then the other, jostled this way, then that. Something hard made contact with his back. His face met someone's knee as he went crashing towards the ground, only to have something grab the back of his shirt and yank him out of the fray.

"Haven't you ever been to a mall? Even in disguise?"

Megamind whipped around as he regained his footing, facing the dry, sardonic museum curator. "No, I haven't."

Bernard sucked with an uninterested air on the straw sticking out of his iced coffee. They stood in the small alcove, staring one another down with a semi-awkward air until Megamind cleared his throat and had the idea to thank the bespectacled drone. "Um… thanks for-"

"Don't mention it. What are you doing here anyway? Shouldn't you be huddled over some blueprints in the darkness of your lair?"

"Shouldn't you be subtly insulting patrons at the museum?"

"It's closed, moron. My insults are direct and uncensored until January second."

Megamind rolled his eyes. "Lucky us."

"You didn't answer my question." Bernard noted, sliding onto the wooden bench he'd placed his package under.

Megamind considered the man for a moment before hesitantly sliding onto the bench beside him. "Shopping for Kreestmas presents."

Bernard gave the alien an odd look then, though his lips barely left the iced coffee until he actually opened his mouth to speak. "You seriously waited this long to go shopping? I thought you were a genius. What the hell is wrong with you?"

Megamind rolled his eyes, and his cheeks flush a brilliant shade of indigo. "I didn't know until a few days ago that I was even celebrating this… ridiculous holiday."

Bernard quirked a questioning brow. "Roxanne?"

"Roxanne." Megamind confirmed. If it hadn't been for her, he'd probably just have had a cup of peppermint cocoa with Minion as usual, and then cause hell for the other citizens. This would be the first year since he was nine or ten that he wouldn't be causing some sort of havoc. Even back then, the only thing that kept him from unleashing bitter revenge on the citizens was the fact that he was trapped within the confines of the prison.

Bernard sighed as his straw began to suck on air and threw the plastic cup into the overflowing garbage can. He continued to sit there though, his hands on his knees and his lidded, unfocused gaze on the crowd before him, as though reluctant to exert the energy and effort required to navigate the insanity.

"What are you doing here?" Megamind suddenly blurted.

Bernard shot him a sidelong glance. "I needed a platter for tomorrow. Mine broke during Thanksgiving."

"Ah."

The pair sat in silence, Bernard simply lazy and contemplating whether or not he should even try to fight his way through the crowd, Megamind jiggling his knee anxiously as he eyed the store signs above peoples' heads.

He suddenly whirled to face the curator, causing the emotionless man's eyes to widen in surprise as he jerked away from the ex-villain. "How do you do it?" Megamind demanded.

Bernard frowned. "Do what?"

"Buy people presents. How do you do it? I've already been in dozens of stores, and for the life of me, I can't figure out what to do! What is there to even buy for a fish! He already has ever cooking appliance known to man, and several I invented myself! I thought about all the other things he does and likes, and still I can't find one damn thing! And don't get me started on Roxanne and M… Joel! I mean-"

Bernard's eyes grew round and large as saucers as his brows knit together. One hand shot up to cover the alien's mouth. "Stop." Bernard spat. "Talking!"

Megamind slumped forward, lowering his eyes sheepishly as his hands folded in his lap. "Sorry. I don't understand this holiday. The only consistencies I can find in those movies Roxanne and Minion made me watch are of no help at all. What the hell is a 'Wangdoodle' anyways?"

Bernard, very tempted to slap the alien, ran a hand through his hair. "Why are you asking me this? I don't even like this stupid holiday. The only reason I'm celebrating at all is because my mother wouldn't stop harping on me about it." His attention suddenly flicked sideways to the distressed alien, and to his relief, noticed Megamind was too wrapped up in his own thoughts to catch the comment. Or at least all of it.

"What am I gonna do? I don't want to mess this up… Roxanne loves Christmas…" He murmured.

Bernard rolled his eyes. "It's not that hard to buy a gift for someone, Megamind. Even if you don't know what they like, just make sure you know what they absolutely don't like. Better buy something that isn't their favorite, than buy something they hate." He shrugged. "But just in case, keep the receipt. That way they can return it if you screw up, and get the present they actually want, themselves."

Megamind stared at him, bewildered. "That was… incredibly unhelpful, Mr. Jones."

Bernard rolled his eyes as his gaze lowered to his watch. "As much as I've enjoyed your holiday whining, I have to go, lest I suffer the wrath of the Jones women that have taken over my kitchen. Try not to get that ridiculous head trampled."

"Try to find a personality."

]]]]]

Would she absolutely not like this? What the heck is it anyway?

He crouched down to peer at the label. Some sort of handheld vacuum… Would she hate it? Like it at all? Want to return it and buy the gift she actually wanted on her own?

No… that didn't seem right. What was wrong with him, taking advice from Bernard? He barely even knew the man! Gah! Why couldn't Joel be here? That man knew more about this shopping and gift giving stuff than Megamind ever would! But then who would help him find a gift for Joel?

Megamind straightened and let out an exasperated sigh, his hands fisted on his hips as he stared helplessly down at the white box.

"Um… c… can I… can I help you with anything… Mr. Megamind… sir?"

The alien spun towards the timid voice with a shocked expression, arms instinctively raising to defend himself when he realized it was just a woman in a red vest, staring fearfully up at him.

Megamind interlaced his fingers and cast her a sheepish sort of smile. "I… I'm… trying to Kroosmas shop… and… I never… never have before." He admitted quietly.

The girl quirked a brow at him, her fears suddenly banished in her surprise. "Really-… oh… well… didn't you and Mr. Minion-?"

"No." He sighed.

The girl frowned in an almost thoughtful way at him as he turned back to the vacuum cleaners, his own brow furrowed. She shifted uneasily from foot to foot. "Well… who are you shopping for? Just Minion or… Aren't you going out with Miss Ritchie?"

Megamind nodded jerkily, still staring at the vacuums. "I need presents for them and one for… a friend."

The girl put a hand to her chin, and fist the other on her hip as she contemplated this unusual customer. "Well… do you have any idea about what you want to get them?"

Megamind shook his head hopelessly. The pair stood silently for a moment, Megamind staring blankly at the box and the clerk nervously shifting position as she tried to figure out what she should do in this situation. Suddenly, Megamind jumped and straightened, spinning to face the girl, holding his hands out, palms up to her. "Wait a moment! You're a girl!" He declared.

The girl smiled dryly, not sure whether to be insulted or amused. "Yes, I am."

Megamind clasped his hands against his chest, staring pleadingly at her. "What do girls like for gifts? Please, help me! This Kroosmas means a lot to Roxanne and I don't want to mess it up!"

The girl took a nervous step back before peering curiously over his shoulder. His expression fell to a sympathetic smile. "Well… getting a girl something that's for any type of work, is usually a bad idea. Unless the specifically ask for it. Even then, it's probably only a good idea if you get her something else as well. For starters." She checked her watch, much like Bernard had before lifting the thumb of the same hand to her lips so she could chew anxiously on her nail. "You know… I actually get off in fifteen minutes, and my date isn't until seven. I could help you, if you wanted." She tacked on, looking up at him with eyes full of hopefulness, fear, and awe all at the same time.

Megamind's own were possibly bugging out of his head in shock. "You… you would do that?"

The girl smiled weakly and shrugged. "It's Christmas, Mr. Megamind. Goodwill towards all mankind, you know? And even if you aren't…" She hesitated, gesturing airily at him. "human… I mean, the concept is… I mean…"

Megamind smiled gratefully at her. "I understand, and thank you. I appreciate this. The kindness and the help. Miss…?"

"Annie. Annie Hatcher. And I'm glad to be able to help out the city's new hero."

[[[[[[[[[[[[

Twenty minutes later, still thoroughly confused by how she'd put herself into this position, she was leading the alien who she'd once feared through the mall. "Okay, Mr. Mind. The first thing you should know is it's the thought behind the gift that means the most." She told him as they shuffled through a small family. "You have to be thinking about the person when you get a gift. It has to mean something. Like… you can get anyone a present, but a gift really comes from the heart, or something like that. So… let's start with Minion."

Megamind grimaced almost painfully as they reached a sort of clearing by the benches and looked around at a loss for where to try first.

Megamind stroked his goatee thoughtfully. "Well… I mean… most of Minion's hobbies involve doing things for me in the end, it seems. Of course, he likes to read to… and play video games… and garden… he likes cooking and sewing… It was his idea to make me a super suit in the first place. And he likes building and repairing things… Does that help?"

"Do you know what to get him?"

"…No…"

"Then we keep thinking. You have to find something that tells that person how you feel about them, whether it's friends or family."

Megamind thought for a moment. "What about another cookbook? He loves cooking, and he's the best cook in Metrosity." He leaned slightly closer, his eyes wide. "Possibly the universe."

Annie was unnerved by the goofy expression, wondering if he was making fun of her, but decided he was being completely honest. "Yeah well… getting him a book so he can cook for you… might come off as a little selfish."

Megamind groaned dramatically. "We do pretty much everything together though! Or for each other."

Annie bit her lip. "Alright then… how about Roxanne?"

Megamind's entire demeanor softened, and a dreamy smile floated onto his face. "She's… wonderful."

Annie giggled behind her hand at his love-struck expression. "Any idea what you want to get for her?"

The alien hesitated for a moment, before saying with that same utterly sincere air: "The world…" His hand drifted out in front of him, palm up and long, spindly fingers clawed over as though he was holding the world in his hand.

Annie let out a nervous giggle and reached up to pat his hand. "Yeah well… that might be a little… much. Not to mention… it'd probably be considered a world-wide act of villainy and mark you as a threat to humanity. Which wouldn't do your hero image any good."

Megamind nodded, though his hand still flexed around the metaphorical globe in his hand.

Annie's lips pulled into a thin line as the point of her tongue stuck out. Megamind watched this with fascination for a moment before his shoulders slumped and he flopped onto the nearby bench. "Oh what's the point? The only reason I'm even trying is because of Roxanne, otherwise I wouldn't bother with this ridiculous tradition." His expression became slightly bitter as he leaned forward and propped his elbows up on his knees, steepling his fingers beneath his chin. "She has other friends who actually know what she would want as a gift. Certainly if I just tell he-"

It wasn't pain that made him jump, because the punch to his arm didn't hurt. It was shock. He turned to the girl, eyes wide and untrusting as she glared good-naturedly at him from where she now sat on the other half of the bench. "Hey, this isn't about material possessions in gaudy paper and bows. I mean, yeah, that's what a lot of people have turned the holiday into. A long time ago, it was about a little baby in a hay trough, but that's a story for another time. What it's supposed to be about is showing those you love how much they mean to you. So, maybe you don't know what to buy them. Maybe you don't buy them anything. Maybe make them something. Something that shows you're trying, and that that person means a lot to you."

Megamind frowned thoughtfully and turned his head forward again, his eyes on the faded marble floors.

The alien suddenly leapt to his feet, startling Annie as he jabbed a euphoric finger into the air. "I've got it!" He spun to face Annie and pulled the stunned woman up into a tight embrace, spinning her around twice as he jabbered rapid thank-yous into her ear before setting the clerk down and sprinting (or, quickly weaving through) the crowd to the exit.