A/N: It's me again! So we have made it to the one week mark. For awhile there I wasn't sure Sam was going to make it till today but he's tougher than he looks! Thanks again to those of you who have been so fabulous and generous in your comments/reviews. Finding a new review waiting for me just makes me itch to get back into Sam's head and find out what happens next so keep them coming!

Disclaimer: Even though it's true in my dreams...still don't own the boys or their world of Supernatural wonder.

Dee,

I tried but I just couldn't make myself stay at Bobby's last night. I thought I could talk to him about my idea, about trying to find a way to learn to use whatever power this is that I'm carrying around. Let's just say he wasn't too keen on the idea. If I didn't know better I'd think he was channeling you or something. Knowing you, you probably had him agree to some damn "dying request" to keep me from doing this. I wouldn't put it past you…

When he wouldn't agree to help me I guess I got kind of pissed off. I just couldn't believe that he couldn't see why I had to do this. And he couldn't see why I wouldn't leave it alone. Needless to say, it ended in a pretty major shouting match. I was just so angry… I ended up grabbing my stuff and storming out.

Since I was too wound up to sleep at that point I figured I'd just get a jump on the drive back to Indiana. Got in early this morning and grabbed a room at the same motel we stayed in a week ago… was it really only a week ago it sure as hell feels like an eternity? After a few hours I gave up on the concept of sleep and decided to do some recon.

It didn't take long to find out that I probably wouldn't have any problems trying to get back into the house. The family that lived there…what was left of the family that lived there had walked on the place. Can't say I blame them. I would never have been able to have gone back to living in the same apartment that Jess had died in, even if it hadn't been pretty much destroyed.

No one is really questioning their disappearing act. After the mass possession that went on in the neighborhood that night I don't think any of the neighbors really want to think too closely about it. The local hospital had a rash of burn victims the next morning but they must have come up with some cover story because there doesn't seem to have been any investigation into the incident.

I hate that so many innocent people got hurt that night. I know that it could have been worse, Bobby probably saved a lot of lives with that sprinkler trick but still… Lillith has a lot to pay for. What she did to us…to them… God only knows who she's out there torturing right now…

I waited till dark to go back to the house, easier to get in without being noticed if you are picking locks in the dark. The place was exactly as we left it. The bodies were gone of course; Bobby and I took care of them before we left. Standard salt and burn, just to be safe. The family evidently didn't take the time for any clean up, looks like they just grabbed what they could carry and took off.

Dean…going back into that house…it was the hardest thing I've ever done. I knew it wouldn't be easy but I never imagined that it could hurt this much. I avoided the dining room for awhile. I just didn't have the strength to face that room right away. Instead I started upstairs.

I thought maybe I'd get lucky and find some indication of Lillith's plans, maybe in the little girl's room. According to the father she had been in the house for almost a week before we got here. She took her time playing with them. The babysitter lasted two days before she finally had enough and tried to leave. That was her last mistake.

We just missed out on saving the Grandfather. I guess he thought that maybe he could get some help from outside. He tried to slip a note to a neighbor. What he didn't know was that Lillith's troops were already in place. Pretty much every adult in a two square block radius was under the influence of one of her demons. When "the neighbor" reported back to Lillith she made an example of the old man. She killed him only hours before we got there.

I tore the bedroom apart looking for any little clue I could find. I wish I could tell you that she left some master plan behind but there wasn't anything. I don't think she was actually planning on leaving so soon. I guess we threw a monkey wrench in her vacation plans.

I tried the parent's room as well. Nothing in there but some scattered clothes and empty drawers. I guess I should be thankful that we at least showed up in time to save them. They can take their little girl somewhere far from here and try to start over. Maybe in time she will even be ok…she was pretty messed up after so much time as a prisoner in her own mind. I gave them my cell number before we left in case they ever needed help. I don't know if Lillith has any way to track them after being in possession of that girl for so long.

I finally had to face the fact that I wasn't finding anything here to help me figure out where the bitch might have gone. I thought about just leaving…going back to the motel and trying to figure out where to go from there. It really wouldn't do me any good to go back in that dining room. But, I knew I couldn't leave without facing it.

It was like someone had taken a picture and froze the room in time. Not a damn thing was different. The dust lines were still scattered right where you had poured them. When I walked in, for just a second, I could still see you there… on the floor.

I walked over to where your blood still stained the wood. I felt compelled to be close to that spot. I had to touch the only piece of you that was left. I sat down on the floor and just placed my hand on that horrible stain. I don't know how long I just sat there like that…touching that place…touching you… In some strange way it comforted me to be there. It was like, for just that little bit of time, you were there with me.

I wonder if you could hear me…I wonder if you knew that I was there, talking to you? I hope so…I really do. It's nice to think you may have been able to hear the things I had to tell you, the things you wouldn't let me say when I had the chance. I thought I never wanted to see that room again but once I was there I couldn't stand the thought of leaving it…leaving you…again.

I might have stayed there all night if it wasn't for that damn clock. Before I even realized it the thing started chiming midnight. When I heard that final chime something inside of me woke up…something I wish had remained asleep. When I realized that one week ago…at that moment…at that second…I had failed to keep my promise I lost the control that I hadn't even realized I had been holding onto. It all came out then, the anger, the frustration, the fear and the complete and total feeling of grief. I didn't know what else to do I thought it would tear me up if I didn't let it out so I just let it all wash over me.

I honestly don't know what happened then. I just let the feelings take over. The next thing I remember I was sitting on the floor in the corner of the room. The place looked like a tornado had come through and my hands were bruised and torn open. It was obvious that there had been tears mixed with the anger. My eyes were swollen from crying. I've never lost it like that before Dean… it scared me. I just thank God I was alone and there wasn't anyone there to get hurt.

Once I thought I had control of myself again I did some quick first aid on my hands, I wouldn't want to get blood in your baby…and headed back to the motel. I wasn't sure if I should tell you this next part but… I didn't go back to the motel alone. It's not what you think. When I opened the front door to leave the house she was just standing there… like she had been waiting for me. I guess she probably was.

She looked different of course. Her last vessel wasn't exactly in any shape to re-inhabit. Even with the dark hair and dark eyes I just knew, immediately, that it was her. The confirmation came when she smiled at me and said, "Heya Sam…how's tricks…you didn't lose my knife I hope? "

I know Dean… I know you don't trust her. I know she's a demon. I'm not stupid. I know if you were here right now you would be the first to use her own knife on her but…she may be my only chance. She's willing to help me. She says she wants revenge on Lillith but, if you ask me, she's afraid. I think she figures I'm her best bet…that she can use me as a weapon to get rid of Lillith… and that's ok too, because I'm more than willing to let her use me for that purpose. I swear to you, the first time she double crosses me I'll take her out…but I won't lie to you…I'm praying that she's on the up and up.

So tomorrow we start the lessons. I'm not sure just what that means or what will be required and I don't really care. All I care about is the fact that I'm getting closer to finding a way to take down Lillith and that means I'm getting closer to a way to get you back. I never expected to see her again… I thought that Lillith had pretty much destroyed her and I never thought I would say I was happy to see a demon but… Ruby may be your salvation… my salvation.

I swear I'll be careful so please don't worry…

Sammy