Bloody Corsets - Hehe... It'll be okay. He'll find out eventually. It's all good. Thank you for reading! hydraspit - Is it corrupt of me to feel that way? I mean, it's not like I'm writing it to get reviews... I'm writing it for my own personal enjoyment. Reviews just motivate me to want to do it quickly and post it on the internet lol. Thankee march. Zaurak - Ooh! Yes, Remus/Sirius is a highly sexy though... Yum. I'm glad you like. Tatariku - Nu? As in a mispronunciation of 'Ni'? Hehe, I hope so. Haha wow... RonaldYHarry - Thank you, thank you. You're a very interesting bit ;) Audrey G. Black - Aww... but if they talk, but can they be all angst-ridden? Hehe, it's all good. They'll be okay. Versipellis - Yes, yes. I finished in nine hours, although not consecutively. I had to work and other not so fun stuff... But, I had this all ready beforehand, I just wanted to wait a few days before posting, as I figured everyone would be reading HBP and not reading fanfiction. Ceyxa - Thank you very much. It's very frustrating, isn't it? I've kind of been in both positions, and they're both terrible... Oh well. It's all good. Yay! Baranwyn - Aww... yeah. I wrote the first version of this story when I was really depressed x.x;; I'm glad you like it and think it's a good study, I just hope it doesn't have any ill effects on you. I don't want to trigger anything bad in anyone... Hrm. I'm sure everything will be alright with the characters, though :wink:... haha. bridit - Bush camping? Assuming it has nothing to do with George W. Bush, I'm not familiar with the term. Yeah. I know what you mean about things being too over the top. The events are unrealistic and the characters' reactions are usually even more off. Thank you! Whee! sneak - Yay! More! Thank you for reviewing! Eh, he'll find out eventually. Millie - Ooh :D Thank you! I hope you keep reading it. Anonymous - Completely anonymous reviews freak me out. I'm always scared that they're from my mother or something awkward like that... Thanks, though. :freaked out: Onigami Nanashi - Bad wolf. Hehe. Ryyne - Overseas? Which seas? Awesome. I'm glad you think it's going well. And about Remus... He's just faking it. Trying to be a good friend. :tries not to spoil anything: All I have to say is... Eww.
Title: To Be
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Hardcore fluffy slash action. If you dislike pretty boys innocently hugging and being cute, you probably shouldn't be reading this. But I'd rather you did.
Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling. Yeah. So, how about that new book, eh? Shame how Voldemort kills Hermione right after she confesses her love to Neville... and when Draco tried to kiss Harry? Holy crap, I didn't see that one coming. Hmm... I've found that people really don't like when I do that x.x;; I called one of my friends after I finished it and told him those things happened and he hung up on me... Oh well. He won't be mad when he realizes they're all lies. Except the thing with Harry and Draco kissing. That's totally canon. Seriously. Oh, and the lyrics are Evanescence. Don't judge me for it, though. x.x;; It's a good song. Really.
Pleaaase review! Everything I said up there is lies! Don't be sad at me... But you know probably already knew that. Surely no one's out there reading fanfiction when they haven't finished the new book...
Lying beside you
Listening to you breathe
The life that flows inside of you
Burns inside of me
Hold and speak to me
Of love without a sound
Tell me you will live through this
And I will die for you
Cast me not away
Say you'll be with me
For I know I cannot
Bear it all alone
Remus awoke suddenly, his whole body echoing with sharp pain. Slowly, he sat up. He had been having the most disturbing dream. There had been blood. It seemed like there was some sort of mirror, too. And wire. Wire cutting through flesh. His flesh. No, it had been cutting through his reflection. But still... It made him physically hurt to try to recall anything more.
James's clock read 2:26. He looked around into the darkness, as he usually did when he couldn't sleep, but didn't bother scooting out of the moonlight. He looked down through the patch of silvery light at the blankets covering his own body. There was blood everywhere. He looked at the floor. It was covered with blood. The walls were dripping. He shut his eyes, realizing they were just playing tricks on him. But even so, it was a bit on the disconcerting side.
He quietly got out of bed, pulling on a wrinkled sweater that lay on the floor. He tripped over Peter's hat rack in the darkness as he groped around for the door to the common room.
After descending the stairs, he plopped himself miserably onto one of the large couches. He hoped he hadn't woken anyone up with his knocking over of random objects.
Remus sighed and, once again, tried to remember his dream. It had been so morbidly realistic, but now he couldn't remember exactly what it was that was so grotesquely fascinating about it. He hated it when he couldn't remember his dreams. Suddenly, a creaking noise came from the staircase landing. Remus's head jerked around. A wave of relief washed over him as he saw Sirius walking into the common room, looking rather sleepy and disheveled.
"You scared me," Remus said quietly from where he sat on one of the red couches, sitting rather stiffly with his arms folded across his chest.
"Sorry," the other boy said as he plopped down next to Remus, yawning, "How come you're up?"
"Oh. Err... nightmare," he grinned embarrassedly. "Sorry if I woke you up."
"Nah." Sirius gave a dismissive wave of the hand. "It's all good. What were you nightmare-ing about?"
"I can't remember." Remus shook his head, his brow furrowing. "It was scary, though."
"Aww. Do you need a hug?" Sirius said mockingly, grinning.
Remus laughed, "Sure, why not."
"Aww, poor Moony..." Sirius's grin spread as he wrapped a tentative arm around the other boy's waist. It had been a while since they'd had any kind of physical contact at all. In fact, they hadn't had a good snog, or even kissed for that matter, in more than a month, much to Sirius's dismay. He guessed a month wasn't really all that long, but it seemed so unfamiliar now. Sirius was almost afraid to touch him, especially since every time he had tried to hold him or even get near him within the past few weeks, Remus would shrink away. That had been a bit of a setback for their physical relationship.
At the moment, however, Remus seemed to have forgotten his abhorrence to being touched, as well as his relentless bad mood. He wrapped his arms around Sirius, pulling him close.
Sirius grinned, overjoyed.
Remus rested his head on Sirius's shoulder, sending a chill down his spine as he felt the other boy's warm breath on his neck. Sirius, in return, leaned his head against Remus's. He could practically feel Remus melt into him. Sirius placed a kiss on the back of his neck.
Raising a hand to lift some of Sirius's shining black hair out of his half-closed eyes, Remus was amazed at the warmth and security of being so close to the other boy. With one hand on the back of Sirius's neck and the other tightly clutching his back, Remus shifted on the couch so they were closer.
Sirius kissed the back of Remus's neck again. Remus's hands were roaming Sirius's broad back, his fingertips pressed tightly into the fabric of his thin t-shirt.
Sirius began to kiss Remus's neck repeatedly, the feel of Remus's hands driving him slightly, ever so slowly, mad.
"I can't--" Remus laughed quietly as he shifted again, "I can't seem to get close enough."
Sirius's arms tightened around the other boy.
Remus's eyes fluttered closed, then snapped wide open. Behind his eyelids he had seen, only for a split second, a man walking toward him in an oversized coat, his arms outstretched to embrace him. If the wild expression on the familiar face, his father's face, he realized in a flash, hadn't been disturbing enough, there was the rest of the body to do the job. His father's coat had been open, revealing a naked, skinless, bleeding body. Pink, bloody, muscle wrapped around white bones, blood freely dripping off the scattered flesh…
Remus felt Sirius's whispered words on his neck, "I just felt your heart speed up..."
Remus just stared down Sirius's back, finding the sight of his own hands pressed tightly against Sirius's grey shirt calming, though not enough to shake off the dreadful image. Maybe that had been in his dream. It seemed like it had been something along the lines of what he had just seen... He couldn't remember now. Remus clutched Sirius to him tighter than was really comfortable.
Sirius pulled away from their embrace. Remus lifted his head up, thinking that somehow Sirius had seen the image in his mind and, like himself, wanted to get away. Instead, as soon as he had lifted his head, he found his cheek being stroked by one of Sirius's smooth hands before searing lips met his own.
The passionate kiss that ensued proved distracting enough, though Remus dared not close his eyes. After a few intense moments, Sirius pulled away, leaving Remus's mouth feeling displeasingly empty.
"Do you ever get lonely?" Sirius whispered with a sudden urgency, his face still only inches away from Remus's.
"What do you mean?"
"Like now." One of Sirius's hands was gently caressing Remus's cheek, his thumb trailing over the other boy's lips.
Remus said nothing, looking into Sirius's grey eyes confusedly.
Sirius pressed his forehead against Remus's as he went on, "I mean... Like you said--you want to be close... but you can't seem to get close enough. Its like, no matter how close together we are, I always want to be closer or something... We're still alone..."
"Err. What?"
"I dunno... it's just... I can never know what you're thinking, and you can never know what I'm thinking. Kind of like... when we're so close, it's our bodies that are keeping us apart, and we're alone... I wish I could--There's just no way we could ever..."
Remus pressed his hands tighter against Sirius's back.
"I dunno... erm... senseless rambling... But you know what I mean, right?" He looked into Remus's hazel eyes. "I feel kind of... trapped inside myself. Because... as long as I'm with myself I can't be with you... or something." He furrowed his brow slightly.
Remus grinned, "That's pretty deep, there, Padfoot."
"Shut up," Sirius growled playfully, "I was being serious."
Remus laughed.
Sirius's heart leapt. Remus was almost... normal. He didn't dare comment on his observation, though. The whole 'don't look a gift horse in the mouth' thing. "I was being serious," he repeated, quietly laughing along with Remus.
"So was I!"
"No you weren't! You were mocking me!"
"I would never!" Remus laughed, trying to sound scandalized, as he tightened their embrace.
"Here, check this out."
Remus expected Sirius to do something impressive. Instead, Sirius merely lay down on his side, dragging Remus down with him.
"Bloody awesome," Remus grinned, shifting his arm under Sirius so that they were pulled close together again, their noses touching.
Sirius's lips found Remus's again, pressing hard in a fervent kiss. Remus responded, despite the fact that an unwanted twinge of panic had found its way into his chest. One of Sirius's hands was on his shoulder. Regardless of how he tried to ignore it, the feeling seemed to grow with direct proportionality to how ardently Sirius kissed him. Finally, the massive clump of wretchedness in his chest overpowered the feelings elsewhere that Sirius's kiss had been conjuring.
Remus abruptly pulled away, unsuccessfully trying to shake Sirius's hand off his shoulder in the process.
Sirius simply kissed him again.
Again, Remus pulled away, earning a soft, "What's wrong?" from Sirius.
"Nothing," Remus said.
Sirius's eyes flickered closed. Remus felt a rush of relief as Sirius lifted his hand off his shoulder to stroke Remus's cheek.
"Erm..."
Sirius's eyes slowly opened again.
"Thanks for um... for putting up with me," Remus avoided Sirius's gaze, a rather difficult task, as their faces were only inches apart.
Sirius smiled, "It's not 'putting up with'."
There was a short pause. "I love you." The words seemed to tumble out of Remus's mouth. He'd been holding them in for quite a long time now, and he supposed that he had simply dropped his guard and been unable to stop them. He felt kind of guilty. In one short hour he had managed to tear down all the barricades he'd been building around himself to keep Sirius out. But, somehow, he felt happier than he had in a long while.
Sirius lay silent for a moment before whispering, "I love you, too, Moony." Sirius's heart was pumping very fast; he was sure Remus could feel it. They had never said they loved each other before, or anything similar for that matter. Even the previous year, when they had been so incredibly close, they had never said anything beyond 'I like you a lot.' Sirius hated to admit it, but he felt as giddy as a schoolgirl.
This time it was Remus that kissed Sirius. His eyes flickered closed. No distressing image was there to greet him this time; only the comfortable darkness that excluded everything in the world but Sirius. Maybe things wouldn't seem so bad if he let Sirius in.
♥♥♥ You guys sock my rocks clean OFF!
