A/N: Firstly I would like to apologize a thousand million times over for the fact that this story has hardly been updated. I was in hospital and treatment since October 2009 and I know this story is well overdue an update. It's been plaguing my mind so much and I hope you can all forgive me and review anyway. I am on vacation right now and have plenty of travel time to work on updates. There are two chapters left and I might write a sequel which I planned while in treatment. Anyway thank you for not giving up to me, you reading this means a lot to me.
You say you want
Your love to work out right
To last with me through the night.
You say you want
Diamonds on a ring of gold
Your story to remain untold
Your love not to grow cold.
All the promises we break
From the cradle to the grave
When all want is you.
The sun that rose silently, bathing the city in day light, began peeking around the curtains; soaking two pairs of intertwined golden legs and two golden heads in its warm rays. Serena awoke sleepily as she felt movement and the warmth of Dan's body pulling away from her. Her eyelids fluttered open and she slowly realized that Nate wasn't Dan and his haste at redressing was oddly reminiscent of various encounters which she had engaged in as a teenager. She pulled the sheets around herself to protect her dignity as she watched him silently. He made no eye contact as he redressed.
He glanced at her as though he were going to say something and then he swiftly crossed the room to the door. He paused and returned to the bedside. "Serena," he addressed her weakly.
"I won't say anything."
Nate let his eyelids close in relief.
"Last night never happened. I have Dan and Heidi; you have Blair and the baby. Don't even let yourself think about last night."
Nate nodded quietly. "It meant nothing." He nodded again, his bangs flopping in an irresistible manner. "I love Blair more than anything."
Serena nodded quietly.
"I'll see you later."
He left the room and closed the door. His eyes shut in anguish. He knew that it was far from nothing. Last night had meant a lot. He'd slept with Serena, Blair's best friend. He'd cheated on the woman who was having his baby. He'd simultaneously destroyed his own relationship and he'd probably pushed Serena and Dan further apart than they already were.
Serena pulled the sheets from the bed as he left. She cursed herself as she bundled the sheets into her arms to take them down to her building's laundry room, which she'd never actually visited before. She slammed the door of the washer as she roughly shoved the sheets in. She was such an idiot. How had last night even happened? She could remember it all so clearly; granted Nate had been as drunk as a sailor, but she had been sober; she'd had one or two cosmopolitans before getting in the cab back to her place with Nate. She knew what was happening between them, she'd even had the inclination to stop it, but she'd told herself not to. Why the hell hadn't she? Why had she let things end up like this? Why couldn't she and Dan work through whatever was going wrong - even if things weren't going to be as happily ever after as they had been before they could at least figure something out regarding Heidi. The thought of Heidi made her eyes prick with tears. She was the little girl's mother, she wasn't supposed to sleep with random men while her baby was all the way over in Brooklyn. It was no wonder to Serena why Heidi seemed to like Blair more these days. She was rarely put Heidi first, maybe if she had last night wouldn't have happened because she could have been tucking the little girl up into bed with a story before watching the Daily Show on comedy central and going to bed herself.
Serena was full on crying by the time the machine finished washing the sheets and she could barely see through her own tears as she roughly shoved them into the dryer. Her phone jangled in the pocket of the jeans she had pulled on that morning. She quickly composed herself, fully aware of the make-up from last night streaked across her face and the redness building around her eyes and nose.
"Hello?"
"Hey, it's me. Dan."
"Oh hey," she sniffed determinedly. "How's Heidi?"
"She's fine, she's playing with my dad's guitars."
"Are you watching her?"
"My dad's with her and Lily's here too. My dad made waffles, she really liked them, except she probably couldn't taste the waffles because she drowned them in syrup - just like you do." Dan paused. "Serena?" He asked as his tone became more serious.
"Yes?"
"I just wanted to talk about what's going on with us. I mean I don't really know how things got like this, but we can't just keep going on like there's nothing wrong. Unless you think nothing's wrong and it's maybe just me getting mixed signals, because I do that sometimes."
"Dan, stop." Serena cut him off. She couldn't take his rambling right now. "I know things are bad between us, but I think that we maybe need to work them out. But not right now. I feel like I need to spend time with Heidi before we make any decisions about us-"
"Wait what are you saying?" Dan jumped in. "What do you mean any decisions about us?"
"I don't know what I mean Dan!" Serena whined as she got more worked up. "Things are all wrong and I never wanted to end up like this, but right now it just feels like our relationship is the last thing either of us care about."
"I care about our relationship. You know I care about you and Heidi more than anything."
"Dan, just listen to me," Serena butted in again refusing to let him domineer the conversation. "Ever since the accident I have been a terrible partner and an even worse mother. I need to spend time with Heidi. She's starting first grade in September and I don't want to miss anymore of her life. Maybe right now we need to take a break from one another. You need to work and I respect that, but I'm not happy with our life right now. It's not me. Maybe we're more different than we thought."
"If this is about Florida-"
"It's about more than Florida!" Serena sighed in exasperation. "It's about everything. Maybe we just did things wrong, I'm not ready for this level of commitment."
"We have a five-year-old daughter and now you decide you're not ready for commitment?"
"You don't understand!" Serena was being driven demented at trying to express her feelings over the phone to Dan. "Heidi was a mistake, we both know that and maybe she's the only reason that we've kept this charade going. I love her, you know I do. I'd do anything for her. But our relationship it's too intense - it feels like we're tiptoeing over glass shards and I can't do it anymore. I just want a break, you can go to Florida and then maybe we can talk about how we want things to be."
"Are you saying we're over?"
"No," Serena was further frustrated. "I just need a month or so."
"A month?" Dan was stunned. "A break's like four days, not four weeks."
"Can't we just see how things go?"
"Yeah, sure." Dan finally submitted to her pleas. "I'll come by with Heidi now and then I'll stay at my dad's until I know if I'm going to Florida."
"Thank you." Serena said quietly.
"Bye."
"Bye." She hung up, clutching her blackberry tightly. She felt terrible, but she knew that everything needed to be straightened out before she knew what was happening with their relationship. Maybe once Blair had had her baby things would feel clearer and then Heidi would be at school and then things could maybe start to work themselves out.
The moment the elevator bell rang through the apartment Blair got up and went straight to the foyer. She froze when she saw him, although she wasn't expecting anyone else. Their eyes locked, he saw the exhaustion on her face and the tears that had obviously been welling in her eyes. Slowly he took his coat off and left it on the chaise by the elevator and made his way towards her. She watched him closely. He gently reached out for her and she fell into his arms. He held her tightly in silence until he finally muttered an apology. Blair's face remained buried in his chest.
"Blair?" He said quietly. She sniffed as she pulled away from him.
"Please don't go," she whispered as she clung to him.
"I won't," he held her just as tight.
"Nate," she whispered.
"Yes?"
"I need you, I need you to stay with me. I can't -"
Nate's stomach began churning. How did he always end up hurting her so much? He had almost driven her to terminating their baby and now here he was pushing her away again when all she had been trying to do was to show him how much she needed him. He gently ran his fingers through her hair. "I'm sorry," Nate whispered. "I'm so sorry I upset you last night. It wasn't you, nothing you do could make me want to hurt you the way I did last night."
Blair said nothing as he held her. "I love you."
"I love you too." Nate sighed quietly. "More than anything and I love our baby just as much." He let his hand rest on her bump. "I promise you," he smiled looking straight into her eyes. "I'm never going to leave you or our baby. I know we fight a lot, but I love you too much to let you go and I promise I'll remember that every time I get mad."
"And I promise not to stress you out about the baby."
"You can stress me out as much as you like about our daughter. I'm supposed to be here to help you through these nine months and I've been less than supportive. I'll take some time off work to make sure the rest of the pregnancy goes as smoothly as it can for you."
"You don't have-"
"I want to." He kissed her forehead. "There's something else." He stopped smiling and looked at her more seriously. "I, I wanted to ask you - I know that last night I upset you so much and I understand if you can't forgive me - and I know we indefinitely postponed any talk of this - but what would you say if I were to ask you to marry me?"
"If you were to ask me to marry me?" She looked up at him, her eyes glinting in anticipation. "I'd say yes."
"So will you marry me?"
Blair stood on her tiptoes and kissed his lips fleetingly before nodding and saying yes.
Nate kissed her again and again and again. He wasn't quite sure what had come over him, but asking Blair to marry him seem like the right thing to do. They had been engaged but due to their disagreement before the baby news all thoughts of marriage had been postponed.
"Maybe you could take a nap and then I'll take you ring shopping," Nate caressed her hair delicately.
"I can't get an engagement ring," Blair said in horror. "Look at my fingers, they're huge!"
Nate kissed her fingers lightly. "It doesn't have to be ring shopping. I can just be shopping," he kissed her again.
"Baby shopping," Blair nodded, "But I want to sleep first. I couldn't sleep last night."
"Neither did I," Nate lied.
"Hey," Dan smiled heavily.
"Mommy!" Heidi squealed as Serena swept the excitable pre-schooler into her arms. "Mommy, I missed you!" Heidi kissed Serena's lips happily and tangled her hands in her hair.
"I have the best day planned for you, why don't you go and tidy up your room quickly." Serena put her daughter down to let her run away.
"Hey," she smiled weakly at Dan.
"I just thought I'd pick some stuff up," he shrugged.
"I've been thinking," Serena stopped him. "Maybe we could take a week out and then talk next weekend to see how we both feel?"
"That sounds good," Dan nodded as he gave her a brief hug. "Can I drop by and see Heidi on Sunday?"
"Of course," Serena nodded fighting the tears threatening to fall. She didn't want to pull Heidi and Dan apart, she just needed to spend some time with Heidi and then figure out what there was between herself and Dan.
Dan smiled as he passed her to go to their room to fetch some things.
Serena followed Heidi into her room where she found her playing with her box of my little ponies. "Sweetie, I told you to tidy up," Serena giggled as she watched her daughter combing the hair of her favorite pony.
"Come and play," Serena smiled and sat on the ground next to her and joined in the brushing of the ponies' hair.
"Serena," Dan's voice was curt as he addressed her. "Can I have a word?"
Serena looked at him with a perplexed expression, but followed him from the room.
"What the hell is this?" He demanded the moment they were far enough away from Heidi's room.
Serena stared at the belt he was holding and felt her stomach plummet. No, no, no. "Dan don't get mad," she tried to stop him from blowing up at her.
"Don't get mad! Why the hell is someone guy's belt in our bathroom? Is this why you want a break? Who is he? Tell me Serena or I'm walking out that door with Heidi and- and you can forget about everything we have." Dan regretted his words the moment they were out of his mouth as he saw Serena's eyes fill with tears at the mention of Heidi. "Oh come on, I didn't mean - I would never - you know I wouldn't-"
"It's Nate's belt," Serena snapped.
"Wait and minute? Nate?" Dan stared at her. "As in Blair's Nate? As in the man whose baby Blair Waldorf is carrying?"
"They had a fight and he slept on the couch."
"Oh Ok, I'm sorry."
"Yeah well you should be. You know I wouldn't- I wouldn't do something like that."
"I know, I know, I'm sorry. I know that you wouldn't do that." Dan nodded as he spoke. He knew that even as he agreed with Serena that she was lying; he'd seen the fresh sheets haphazardly put on their bed. Serena had obviously put them on herself and she was far from accomplished. He knew that Serena was lying.
A/N: I can't convey how much a review would mean to me, just knowing that people haven't given up on me. I promise that this story will be updated within a week if I get just one positive review.
Further request: As you might have guessed my beta reader has "retired" and I would really like a new one so anybody willing to beta the next two chapters would be my hero! Just mention in the comments and make sure I can contact you - whether that be through review reply or through an e-mail address.
