A/N: Okay. Here's the thing. This chapter contains some questionable material. Yes, that's right, naughty stuff. So if you are offended by such content, you have my permission to stop right here. I won't be mad, I promise. You can rejoin me on the next chapter if you wish. But for the rest of you, here we go...
Distractions (M-Rated)
Contrary to popular belief, Will Scarlett was not shy around women. That was something that his fellow outlaws had unanimously decided about him at some point and he had simply never bothered to correct them. It was easier to let them think that than trying to explain to them why he'd never shown the slightest inclination towards telling Djaq how he felt about her.
But there was a time, in fact, when he was seen as quite the future ladies' man. He had been young, of course, but he hadn't been timid. He had spent time with a lot of pretty girls in the village and he'd never had any trouble saying what was on his mind. And, quite frankly, he could probably have had his pick of them.
That had been before the death of his mother, though. Back before his whole world had tipped upside down. Before he'd really understood the true extent of the poverty facing the Scarletts and others like them. His parents had always tried hard to shield Will and his brother from the unpleasant aspects of life for as long as they could. They'd wanted their boys to grow up with a sense of hope and purpose, not beaten down in defeat before they'd even had a chance to become men.
So Will had enjoyed the lighter side of life back then. He had actually started to develop something of a reputation with the young ladies. Nothing unseemly, of course. He hadn't crossed any lines or broken any rules or anything. In fact, he was always a perfect gentleman. He'd teased and held hands and shared pecks on the cheek with any number of village maidens. It was all perfectly innocent.
But still, after a time, fathers began to watch their daughters a bit more closely when he was around. And with good reason. He was handsome and kind and chivalrous. The girls just seemed to flock to him. He really didn't even have to put forth much effort. After all, girls were just like anyone else as far as he was concerned and he'd never felt the need to treat them any differently. He'd just enjoyed their company and they'd seemed to feel the same. He wasn't after anything from them and he was certainly not deceptive or manipulative, they were just having fun.
It got to a point, though, where Will's father, at his mother's urging, had decided it was time for a man to man talk. Rather reluctantly, his father had explained to him that it was very important to be respectful of the opposite sex and that there were certain intimate goings on between men and women that should never be considered until after marriage. Will, of course, had been highly embarrassed by the discussion and hadn't had the heart to tell his father that he was well aware of what went on between married couples. He was, after all, fourteen years old. Almost a man.
So he'd let his father know that he had no intention of disrespecting anyone and he was not interested in marriage. That was something he would consider in a few years. He never gave love much of a thought. He grew up in a loving household and just assumed that married people always loved each other. He'd figured that, when the time came, he would just pick a wife, someone with whom he was compatible, and the love part of it would come naturally. He had no delusions about wealth, but he was the son of Locksley's carpenter and was progressing nicely in his father's trade. And he came from a nice family and was well liked by everyone. He didn't expect to have trouble finding a wife from among the peasantry whenever he felt that the time was right.
But by the next winter, his mother was dead and his childhood was over. He was angry and driven and he poured all of his energy and focus into righting wrongs. Girls and any thoughts of a future with them were simply left by the wayside. He had no time in his life for anything accept his burning hatred for the new Sheriff and his determination to see to it that no other families suffered the same loss that he had. Even after Robin had saved them from hanging and they had all become outlaws, his priorities had remained basically the same. Feed the poor, stop the Sheriff. Nothing else mattered.
And then came the day that a little dark haired, dark eyed renegade had declared herself a part of their gang. She'd made his head spin and he really couldn't tell anymore whether he was coming or going. It was embarrassing to think about now, but when she had first joined them, he had sort of thought of her as his very own Marian.
He had always been rather in awe of Lady Marian, even before joining Robin and learning the extent of what she did for the poor. He'd always known her to be brave and kind and beautiful. He had thought Robin must be the luckiest man in the world to have the affections of such a woman. So when Djaq had appeared, all feisty and clever, he immediately saw the similarities. Both women, both fighters, both determined and proud. Of course, as much as he still liked and respected Marian, he knew now that she was no Djaq.
It was probably natural that he had developed a crush on her. She was incredible and, besides, he had accidentally seen her half undressed. Although he hadn't exactly seen much, that would be enough to leave an impression on any man. He recognized now, though, that a crush was all it had been. A boyish infatuation. He hadn't even known her when the feelings had begun. Sure he had admired her and liked her, but he knew nothing of love. He'd fantasized that he would one day sweep her off her feet in a breathtaking kiss, or save her from the Sheriff or some evil and love-struck Saracen come to drag her back to the Holy Land. And she would be so grateful and impressed that she would pledge her undying love to him.
Although, in reality, he had just figured that things would continue as normal, with her none the wiser about his feelings. He hadn't really worried about the complications that could arise from them living and working and fighting so closely while he harbored such feelings. He had had crushes before and he knew they never lasted long. So he felt sure that this would be no different.
But as he got to know her, he'd discovered that there was so much about her to love. Truly love. He found that she had hidden reserves of strength that he didn't think could be found in ten men. That she was incredibly smart and educated, but that, because of this, she was also rather arrogant and stubborn. But adorably so. He didn't even think she realized that she could be a bit of a snob at times. And no one dared to tell her.
She was also extremely caring. She not only set their broken bones and stitched up their wounds, she tried to soothe their sorrows and disappointments as well. She was a good friend and a true comrade. She was funny and strong and she never shied away from a challenge. Best of all, she always said just what she meant. No games or artfulness. He had, by that time, seen enough of Robin's relationship with Marian to know the rarity of such a quality.
He'd also started to notice the unusual aspects of her personality as well. Like the way she picked at her food. It wasn't that she didn't eat it, it was just that she had a system. She ate all of the roots or vegetables first, then her bread, then her meat, unless it was pork and then she passed it off to someone else, and finally her broth. He had no idea why she ate that way, and he was dying to ask her about it, but he never did. He wasn't even sure if she knew that she did it. But Will thought that it was the cutest thing he'd ever seen.
And she had this odd thing she did whenever they walked through the forest. She scanned the ground for the driest curled up dead leaves and then she'd make sure to step on each and every one of them. She seemed to like the crunching sound they made under her boots. Who knew why? It was like a game to her. She couldn't do it, of course, if they were on a mission or something where they had to be stealthy. But whenever they were just on their way to or from making deliveries or out looking for herbs or something, she almost always did it. It was funny and he loved to watch her.
Those little things were so at odds with the rational woman who commanded the attention and obedience of men twice her size in a medical crisis, or kept her head about her and always managed to be the voice of reason when one of Robin's ideas or Much's worries or Allan's schemes threatened to get out of hand. She was absolutely amazing and intriguing and, before he knew what had hit him, he was completely and hopelessly in love with her.
There were just so many little things he wanted to learn about her. But, for some reason, Will never felt like he had the right to ask. He just didn't feel worthy. She was so far beyond his reach because of her intelligence and education, her experiences and family background, that he was left feeling foolish and inadequate. For the first time in his life he felt unequal and completely out of his element with a woman. So he'd made sure to keep himself at a respectable distance from her.
He had never allowed himself to be as familiar with her as the others had been. He'd watched over and over again as Allan would pick her up and swing her around playfully or put an arm around her neck conspiratorially. Robin often patted her on the back when he was pleased with one of her many good ideas or grabbed her by the shoulders when he was excited about something.
And she and Much always seemed to have a comfortable relationship with one another. Will noticed that she would hug Much when there was a reason to celebrate or when he seemed to need a bit of cheering, and Much, for his part, never hesitated in reaching out a hand to help her up or brush snowflakes out of her hair in winter. Even John, who was not exactly the warm and fuzzy sort, would sometimes reach out and pat her arm or hand in comfort if she seemed a bit down for whatever reason.
But Will had never felt that he had the right to take such liberties with her once he'd realized the extent of his feelings. Many a night found him sitting across the fire from her and mentally wiping away a smudge of dirt from her cheek or sweeping a wisp of short hair behind her ear. She was untouchable as far as he was concerned. He'd look at her and smile at her and laugh with her, but that was as far as it had ever gone. Until that night.
Making love with Djaq was something that he had fantasized about more times than he could count, although he'd known that the chances of it ever happening were slim to none. He had never bothered to wonder whether or not he'd know what to do when and if the time came. He knew the basics, of course. He'd learned quite a bit from overhearing the bragging of older boys in the village while growing up, and you don't have a best mate like Allan A' Dale without hearing far more than you ever wanted to know about sex.
But he had still been rather ignorant of the finer points of pleasing a woman. Still, somehow, everything had simply fallen into place that night with Djaq. He wasn't even very nervous. He was much more concerned with her comfort and making sure that she knew she was loved and safe than he was with his own pleasure or with impressing her with his ability.
He had taken his time at first because he'd wanted to show her how much he loved her. After they had undressed, he had caressed and kissed her beautiful body all over until she'd indicated, by the way she pushed herself against him, that she wanted to do more. Then he had slowly and gently eased himself into her. She had actually helped with that part by reaching between them and firmly grasping him in her hand in order to guide him to the right spot. It had never occurred to him that there could be a wrong spot, and he was surprised and thrilled by her action.
It was the only time that she took the initiative that night aside from the first few kisses, which she'd started. But that was alright with him. She didn't seem nervous, just sweet and loving and happy to let him take the lead. He had never really imagined her as the type of lover who would so utterly surrender herself to a man. He'd always rather thought that she would be aggressive and even dominant. But the way in which she gave herself over to him and trusted him with her heart and body so completely had touched him deeper than he would ever be able to express.
It had made him even more determined to be tender and gentle and avoid causing her any more pain than was strictly necessary. He would actually have forced himself to stop altogether, as difficult as it would have been, once he saw the way she winced as he tried to enter her. But she'd held him close and wrapped her legs around his waist, essentially trapping him. And as soon as she was ready to try again, she would smile and nod slightly for him to continue while she kissed him deeply and with a passion that made his heart nearly burst with love for her.
When he had finally entered her fully, they'd slowly rocked together until they found a movement that felt right to both of them. It was all so beautiful and perfect and better than anything he'd ever imagined. It wasn't just the way his own body felt, although that was incredible, it was the way he felt when he saw the pleasure that he gave her. The way her eyes fluttered closed and she leaned her head back and whispered his name between a string of poetic sounding syllables he assumed were Arabic words. And the way she'd gently stroked his back and face and planted light kisses on every part of him she could reach.
He was absolutely overcome with reverence for her. He knew that he was unworthy of her and yet here she was, looking up at him as if she had been starved for him all of her life, as if he were the only man on earth. She was his beautiful goddess and he felt such a sense of privilege at being given this opportunity to worship her and show her how truly special she was to him.
He'd allowed himself to be guided by her movements and sounds to be sure that she was enjoying herself and was satisfied. As for his own moment of satisfaction, well, all he knew was that no fantasy had ever come near to matching the reality of being that close to the woman he loved. It was mind-boggling.
When they were both fully satisfied and had come back down to earth, they had lain side by side in each other's arms and talked quietly until they fell asleep. They talked about all sorts of things. Childhood memories, fears, regrets, funny things about the gang. They never mentioned the future, but, as far as Will had been concerned, there could not be a single day for the rest of his life that would not revolve around Djaq.
Now, though, Will sat on a stump not very far from the camp and tried hard to pull himself back from such thoughts. He had to keep his mind focused on the scene he was attempting to carve on the plank of wood he held balanced between his knees. It had to be perfect. It was the most important thing he'd ever made and was also turning out to be the most challenging. He'd spent a week choosing the perfect wood and was still not entirely satisfied, but he'd finally come to the conclusion that he would never be able to find anything flawless enough to be worthy of its purpose.
He found that he was enjoying his work more than he had in a very long time. It allowed him to escape from some of his deeper and darker thoughts to a happier time, he hoped, in the future. While he measured and marked, sawed and smoothed, whittled and carved, he thought about his son or daughter. He wondered which it would be. He honestly had no preference and knew without a doubt that he would love and cherish a boy or a girl equally.
He wondered what the child would look like. Would it resemble him or Djaq or would it be some divine blend of both of them? Serving as a beautiful reminder that, even for one night, they had loved each other completely. And then anytime that he got lonesome or or his heart became too heavy he could reach down and pick up his child and say Ah yes. Here it is...irrefutable proof. I did not dream it, it really happened. And here is the perfect result. A little piece of heaven on earth.
He thought of all of the wonderful things he would teach him or her. Like which trees were best for shade and which were more suitable to chopping into firewood. How to tell if water is safe to drink or has been stagnant too long. How to fasten your shoes so that they stay on properly. Will had had quite a bit of difficulty with that last one when he was a small boy. He remembered how his father had been so patient with him and had never seemed to grow tired of showing him how it was done.
He missed his father terribly. He always did, but he especially missed his wisdom and understanding right now. He needed guidance and he really had nowhere to turn. He could not go to Robin, that would be inappropriate. Robin belonged equally to both him and Djaq, and to involve him in their private matters any more than they had already done would be wrong.
He supposed, if his troubles had involved any other woman, he might take a stab at asking Allan for advice. Although, given Allan's experience with the opposite sex, he might end up more confused than he already was. But Allan and Djaq were very close, probably as close as him and Will, and again, it did not seem right. Much would be completely useless, and that only left John.
In some ways, John seemed like the ideal person to turn to. After all, he was the only one of the outlaws to have ever been married. But then, he had also lost his own family and might resent the reminder that his wife and child had replaced him in their lives. Besides, Will felt pretty certain that John would not appreciate being put in the middle of his and Djaq's personal problems. John was not the type of man to talk about troubles...his or anyone else's. So Will was left to try and sort out what he was thinking and feeling all on his own.
What it boiled down to was that he just didn't know quite how to behave with Djaq now. She seemed perfectly willing to be his friend. To carry on as they always had before, making deliveries together, collecting herbs or gathering wood, sitting and laughing together at meal time, or just being together. It was what she'd said she wanted and he had thought that he could give that to her. But it was turning out that he was very wrong. Being near her, even when there were other people around, was absolute agony for him. He felt like he had to constantly remind himself to keep a certain amount of distance between them...even more than he always had.
He didn't even feel like he could look at her freely now. He missed her and he wanted her and he loved her. But he was trying so hard to show her the side of him she wanted to see that he was afraid his eyes would reveal too much. He was afraid that every glance would bare his soul to her and he wanted her to be comfortable with their arrangement and had no desire to burden her with his longing stares and puppy-dog eyes. She needed to know that she could count on him to be what she wanted and nothing more.
But he wanted so badly to be more! He wanted to kiss her and touch her. To whisper that he loved her. And he was finding it incredibly difficult to hide what he felt. So he avoided her. He forced himself to look away from her more frequently and pretended to be interested in something off in the distance whenever they spoke. Mostly, though, he used any moment that he wasn't needed by Robin or around camp in order to slip away to this private spot and work on his project. It brought him the littlest bit of peace.
Robin had been away for a little over a week now and he was expected back any day. He had gone to visit a friend at a monastery a few days' journey from Nottingham in order to try to have Prince John's message decoded. Will was certain that, as soon as he returned, there would be a lot of planning and running around going on. And he was glad of it.
He was usually a little leery of some of Robin's bigger and riskier plans, but this time he was looking forward to the distraction. He needed time to get a handle on his feelings and try to find a comfortable way in which he and his bride could coexist and prepare for the birth of their child without causing each other any added discomfort.
Besides, Much had been completely intolerable since Robin had departed and they were all anxiously awaiting an end to his incessant whining and worrying. Djaq had finally taken pity on all of them and lured Much away from camp for a while. She was usually pretty good at calming him whenever he became too fretful. Will just hoped that Robin got back before one of them was forced to gag Much in order to preserve their sanity.
In another part of the forest, Djaq and Much were out collecting herbs, and she was finding that the activity was doing little to distract Much from his restlessness over Robin's absence. He was hurt at not having been invited along on the journey and was certain that Robin would need him at some point. So he complained even louder and more frequently than usual, which drove the rest of the outlaws to invent things to do in the forest and villages just so they could spend the bulk of their time away from him.
But spending so much time alone in the camp only succeeded in making him more irritable and vocal when they returned. So, Djaq, feeling rather sorry for the state he'd worked himself into, decided to ask him if he would mind assisting her in locating some herbs in the forest.
"So why are we doing this now, again? I mean, they wouldn't be so hard to find if you'd only wait a few more weeks. At this rate, we'll have scoured the entire forest and end up coming back with nothing but these few measly buds." Much complained after an hour or so, although he was rather enjoying himself with Djaq. He was flattered that she'd needed his expertise, as she'd explained when she'd asked him along, and he was relieved to have some company for a change.
It seemed that everyone had been terribly busy and had all gone off in their own directions quite a bit ever since Robin had been away, which made sense to him when he thought about it. All of the extra activity probably helped them to keep their minds off of worrying about their leader, he figured. They were all, he was certain, very concerned over whether Robin was eating properly and was keeping safe and not taking any unnecessary risks.
They probably couldn't stand being at the camp for long periods of time because every time they caught sight of his bunk, they must surely wonder whether or not he'd taken enough blankets to protect him from the chilly night air. Those were the kinds of things people thought about when someone they cared about was away. So Much could certainly understand how some distraction might help them. And he was actually having a better time than he'd had in days, and was only really complaining out of habit.
"As I already explained to you more than once, Much, some of these plants are more useful to me at this stage of growth. If we wait until they have flowered, they will not be nearly as potent for medicinal purposes. But you do not have to help if you do not wish to. I will try my best to get by without you if you would like to return to the camp." She was beginning to seriously regret taking pity on him this afternoon. He did not mean to be so annoying, she knew. He missed Robin and he didn't quite know how to deal with it.
"No no. I'll help." He sighed and got back down on his hands and knees to continue running his palms over the ground as she had shown him. "So, do you think Robin has turned up anything? It's been days now. Shouldn't we have heard something?"
"What would we have heard, Much? He went there for the sole purpose of getting information. When he gets it, he'll return and tell us all about it. There's no reason to worry," Djaq really did want to ease his mind at least a little. The poor man was far too high-strung for his own good.
"And you know that whatever he uncovers won't be good news. It's not like Prince John was writing to the Sheriff just to say 'it's nice in London...wish you were here,'is it? Come to think of it, that would be good news! I wish the Sheriff were in London too." He sighed. "But, more than likely, it's some new torment that they're planning on visiting on the people of Nottingham. And that is sure to mean big trouble for us."
"For us? Why us?"
"Well you know that Robin will insist on coming to the rescue." He replied exasperatedly.
"Of course. That's what we do, is it not? We help people." She answered gently. She did not know why she was even answering his arguments. She knew that, for the most part, he just liked to hear himself talk, but she always seemed to fall into the role of soother with him whenever he fretted about something.
"Yes, but we are woefully out of practice at facing the Sheriff's guards. There hasn't been much to do all winter and I'm sure our skills are somewhat rusty. We could be seriously injured."
"Speak for yourself. I practice regularly in order to be certain that my skills are never rusty. You never know when we will face danger, so it is best to be prepared. I have offered to spar with you more than once. Perhaps you should have taken me up on my offer rather than spending all winter complaining." She chastised.
"I do not complain! I may, occasionally, voice an unpopular opinion about some of the more unpleasant aspects of our lives, but I do not consider that complaining."
"Well, whatever you call it, you should have been practicing rather than doing it. Would you like to spar with me now? I think that we have found enough plants for today." She offered.
"Spar? With you? How?"
"What do you mean 'how'? You have your sword and I have mine. If you are unsure as to how, then you most certainly are out of practice." She teased.
"I mean, is that a good idea? In your condition?" He asked worriedly.
"I don't know, Much. Are you planning on running your sword through my belly?" She asked in mock seriousness.
"What? No! Of course not!" He responded in genuine seriousness.
"Then I think we will be fine."
And so the two of them had sparred until it was time to return to camp to make supper. Much really had been out of practice and the exercise had actually helped to get his mind off of fretting over Robin for a while. So it was time well spent as far as Djaq was concerned. Besides, she had enjoyed it. She really did like to keep her skills sharp and Much was always a decent opponent. And she had actually been in need of some distraction herself. She missed Will's company and it was starting to take its toll on her.
They had spent very little time together since the day that they got married. He seemed to have had quite a bit to do off on his own lately, and she had been to check on Sir Edward a few times over the past week. So they had ended up just missing each other several times, it seemed. Plus, they had all had deliveries to make and regular chores like sharpening blades and such.
So they never seemed to be alone together. And even when they were in the same place at the same time, in the company of others, she often had the hardest time getting his attention. She wasn't sure if it was deliberate on Will's part or not. It didn't seem like the sort of thing he would do...avoiding her, that is. He just never seemed to be around. But, then again, he was probably finding their new relationship as tough to deal with as she was.
She had actually tried more than once to spend some time with him, but Will always seemed to have paired up with someone else for deliveries before she had the chance to volunteer, or he would be gone, off on some errand of his own, before she could get a word out. She still held out the tiniest measure of hope, though, that she could make up for the way that she had pushed him away from her, and that, maybe, they could find a way to rebuild what they'd started on. Or, at least, start something new together.
Even when she had insisted to him that their relationship be platonic, she had always expected to have his friendship. But now he seemed so distant. She guessed that he must need time to adjust, and that things would at least get back to normal at some point. Although, if she were honest with herself, their same old friendship was not what she craved.
Once she had allowed herself to hope for a loving partnership with him, she had been unable to turn those feelings off again. Even after seeing his disinterest in her and realizing that his feelings for her had changed, she found that she had opened a door that simply refused to be closed again. What was more, her whole body was starting to send her signals that she felt she could no longer ignore. She wanted him. All of him.
She had never before in her life felt as safe and loved as she had with him during their night of lovemaking. She was the type of person who always had to maintain control. She had learned enough of the cruelty of life and the indifference of men and gods to know that you had no one to rely on in this world except for yourself. Other people might love and care for you, but, in the blink of an eye, they could be gone. And, at the end of the day, you were on your own. Just as it should be. Just as she had preferred it for so long.
But Will had done things and said things to her that made her feel...What? She couldn't even describe it. She didn't think there was a word in any language to convey what she'd felt. Connected? Maybe. She had definitely felt that with him. But that wasn't all. There was so much more. He had climbed into her very soul and made himself a part of her. Even before the sex. That was why she'd felt so at peace over giving herself to him. And give herself she did. Completely. Not just her virginity. Not only her body. But everything.
On that night, she found out, for the first time, what it was to relinquish all control. To trust another person so much that they own every part of you. And it was unbelievable. She'd put herself completely in his hands and he didn't let her down. It was exhilarating. It was as if, by letting go of the strict control she kept over herself and her emotions, she had freed herself to feel things and experience everything for the first time. And she had not regretted it. Not until the next morning, that is.
Now she wished with all of her might that she could feel his love again. She wanted to trust him with her inner most thoughts and emotions. She desperately wanted to learn to lean on him. But she knew that she had realized it all too late. She was starting to understand that he had given up on her and, while she couldn't exactly fault him for it, it did make her wonder if she had been mistaken about what he'd felt. For how could something so intense and profound simply vanish, without a trace, on command? When her own feelings for him refused to obey her in the slightest.
But when she and Much had sparred, she was able to put those things out of her mind for a bit. And as they walked back to camp, she hoped that the exercise had exhausted her mind and body enough to allow her a peaceful sleep without bad dreams for a change.
"Robin!" Much exclaimed as they stepped through the entrance to find their leader awaiting their return. "You're back!"
"So it seems." He replied.
"Well? What did you find out?" Much asked eagerly, earning him nothing more than Robin's raised eyebrow and a grin in response.
So Djaq prepared herself to play Robin's game of 'I'm going to make you guess and work for every bit bit of information I have even though I'm dying to tell you!' as she wondered where Will had gotten off to again.
A/N: I know what you're thinking. "Is this woman crazy? Does she think we're stupid? That sex scene was the same one she described in earlier chapters! How misleading!" Yes, I know. You probably thought that there would be new naughties going on. Well, sorry to disappoint, but Will and Djaq are not quite there yet in their relationship. But comfort yourselves with this: the night they did share was so magical that they both keep drawing on it for strength and comfort during the tough times. So, you just have to have faith that they'll find their way back to each other and then the naughty times will roll...or whatever it is that naughty times do. = )
