It could have been worse, he thought as he held tight to Jack

Ianto stood in the dark of the flat, of their new home, he corrected himself, though it didn't look much like a home. Yes, the flooring was laid, mostly wood and tile, and the paint was no longer that particularly dull realty magnolia but the only furniture was a patio table and chairs on the terrace that Ianto had mentioned liking once in a home center advert, and a beautiful oriental rug Jack had pulled out of storage somewhere. He said he had brought it back from India when he was over there, and it looked beautiful in the empty lounge.

Jack had popped out to get them a bottle of wine to go with the dinner that was even now keeping in the warmer, and Ianto was taking the time alone to sort his thoughts out. Gwen was right, Jack had seemed a little darker, a little more intense than usual. The moment he had the chance he had dragged him back to their room at the hub for a little "private time". Their lovemaking had been dark, hungry and almost painfully needy. Not that he wasn't used to Jack's intensity by now, but it was more than that, as if he was trying to burn every moment into his very skin.

"Penny for them," Jack said as he his arm came around him, resting his head on the younger man's shoulder.

"Not worth it," he said. "Just thinking."

"About me, I hope." Jack's warm mouth pressed against the side of this throat.

"Always, how can I help it? For you it is one day a year, but for me it's every day, and every day is filled with you."

"Is that a problem," he asked, carefully releasing the younger man and pulling back just a little.

"Don't be stupid, Jack," he said, turning into his lover's arms and pulling him close. "It's not me I am worried about. You are the one that has to live it day to day." Ianto pressed a kiss against the edge of Jack's jaw, enjoying the familiar scent, the slight roughness that reminded him that this was real, that he was standing here holding Jack Harkness in his arms. Jack groaned and pulled him even closer, resting his forehead against the younger man. "Gwen said you have been spending a lot of time in your office."

"Gwen worries too much," he whispered, pressing hot kisses against Ianto's ear.

"Jack…" That tone of voice that let Jack know he wasn't going to let him get away with anything. Jack sighed against his throat, and pulled back a little.

"It's been hard," he admitted, not meeting the eyes of his lover. "It seemed so easy at first, I just had to keep myself distracted, think of all the things we would do when you were back. Even Weevil hunting isn't the same without you," he said, trying to smile. "But it doesn't matter, it's only a couple more years, Martha has been keeping up with every step of the research. She is amazing, she got to know everyone on the project, gets updates almost daily. As soon as they have something, it will be all over. That is what I hold onto, our future.

"It doesn't matter about the future," he said, his voice almost angry. "There is no future if you lose yourself, Jack. Maybe, maybe its time I take my chances…"

"No, Ianto, please…I can't lose you, not after we have gone through all this. You brought me back to life in a way I can't even begin to explain, you kept me sane for two thousand years under the dirt, I just can't…" he pulled him close, and he could feel the hot tears falling against his throat, sliding down the inside of his collar. He pulled the older man against him and held him tight, dragging him down to their bedroom, empty save for an air mattress made into an almost decadent bed by Jack.

He stopped and pulled away from Jack just a little for a gentle kiss before lowering him down to the bed. It was a long way down and a bit awkward with both their heights, but he managed more or less to get the older man settled and then pulled away, shedding his jacket and shirt. Ianto knew Jack, and right now he needed reassurance, and for his lover, that meant skin to skin, whether they were doing anything or not. Jack was without a doubt the most tactile person he had ever met.

Looking at him now, slumped on the makeshift bed, he could see it was going to take work. He dropped down carefully beside him and started to remove his boots and socks. "Ianto," Jack started. But Ianto smiled up at him and brushed a hand across his cheek.

"Shhh love, what you need is to refresh your memory," he said.

Ten years, ten days, the sight and the smell of Jack was the first thing as he opened his eyes. The older man pulled him close and kissed him. Immediately he knew that there was something wrong. The kiss was gentle or at least it attempted gentle, but he could feel the desperation, the heat. He could also feel that Jack was holding back, and that wasn't like him. When he pulled away, Ianto could see it in his eyes, darkness, desperation, and pain, quickly hidden as he looked into his young lovers' eyes.

Martha was back taking care of him and he greeted her with a smile and a quick hug. As with Jack, he noticed that something was not quite right. "Ok, Ianto, I need a few more tests this time, yeah?" She said, waving Jack out the door, telling him she could be done faster without him trying to molest the patient. Jack left with ill-disguised impatience

"Have they found it?" he asked, almost afraid. If the answer was here, what was wrong with Jack and Martha?

"Close, I just need to send your results. You should be perfect for it. I have called in every favor I had, Jack has pulled enough strings to make a cat's cradle, even the Doctor got involved putting some pressure on old friends at UNIT. It's almost over Ianto, I promise."

"Then I don't have to go back?" he said, feeling the worry start to lift from his heart.

"I didn't say that, Ianto. They won't be ready to treat you for at least six months, possibly nine, and I won't lie to you, the treatment is going to be hard, we need you as strong as possibly. But it is almost over," she said, holding his hand, and trying to look upbeat. He could tell something was bothering her though.

"What is it, Martha?" he asked, though Gwen was usually the one who kept him in the loop but he had a feeling that Martha had something that she needed to say. "What's wrong with Jack?"

"How did you know it was about Jack?" she said, trying to find the time to put her thoughts together. He just looked at her, eyebrow slightly raised, waiting. "Ok, ok, its Jack. The last couple of years have been hard on him, you know, but this last year…"

"Tell me, I need to know."

"After the last time, he seemed ok for a little while. Then, well, he started taking risks, crazy risks, even for him. He started drinking after hours, which has never been a problem, until the night he got drunk and killed himself in the morgue. Nisha was working late in the archives, she found him. No one had told her he couldn't die, and that was not the way to find out. She left, couldn't handle it. It did stop Jacks drinking though. He was afraid to lose control like that again."

"Martha, I…" he didn't know what to say, he had to find some way to make it right, even if he died, he couldn't keep putting Jack through this, he wasn't worth it.

"Let me finish. I think for a while he stopped sleeping, only collapsing exhausted down in the morgue by your drawer when he couldn't keep going, he was barely eating and well…" she paused, not knowing how to tell him the last part, afraid of what it would do to him. "Ianto, he has been seeing someone… I know it isn't serious, but…"

"I don't know why I have to explain this to everyone, especially you, Martha. I never expected him to stay celibate while I was indisposed," he said almost angrily.

"Ianto, it's John Hart."