I edited this, and changed Kurda's song! I like this much better.
Cool voiceover: Welcome back to VAMPIRE MOUNTAIN IDOL! We are still coming to you live from the Hall of Princes, sponsored by Roxypony Studios and Mr Tiny Productions. Now for a quick recap, brought to you by 5 Gum: Evolve, Official Gum of Roxypony Studios.
Vancha: Tell your boyfriend if he says he's got beef, That I'm a vegetarian and I ain't fucking scared of him!
Mika: "...shush Vancha, shush your lips. Do the Helen Keller and walk off a cliff. That was disgusting."
Arrow: "...an insult to the universe in general."
Paris: "I can tell by your hair and your attitude that you're a really awesome individual, BUT...
Vancha: "...TO HAVE HAIR, YOU NEED BALLS!"
Cut to Vancha flipping out and being dragged out by security...
Flash back to present. Host Roxy is back in the Hall of Judges interviewing Mika Arrow and Paris while a cleaning crew in gloves and masks sterilize the area after Vancha's performance.
"How do you think the process of picking the Vampire World's Next Superstar is going?" she asks of Mika who is taking shots of black black coffee.
"If this was not a Mr Tiny Production, I would be a thousand miles from this mountain right now." the dark Judge stated,
"This party's dead, yo." Arrow added.
"It's great to see all these enthusiastic people, but this isn't the right competition for a lot of them." Paris said with great sympathy.
"Does he ever stop saying that?" Roxy inquired.
"Nope."
"Has he shown any symtoms of overdose such as shaking, speech impediment, seemingly impaired judgement, or lack of brain functioning to its full capacity?"
"Um..."
"EEHH you took too long to answer. ON TO THE NEXT ONE!"
"I think someone forgot to hide the Red Bull..." Arrow muttered.
"NOW please help me welcome to the stage, our very own blonde um...beauty? Kurda Smahlt!"
"OH haaaayyy!" Kurda squealed, emerging onto the stage.
"Haaaay yourself!" Paris greeted with a smile (again).
"And why are you here, Kurda? This is not a hair salon." Mika informed him.
"Saaay hello to the next VAMPIRE MOUNTAIN IDOOOOOOL!"
"Yeah...I'll have to get back to you on that one. Go on, get on with it."
"Okaaaaay...
Greetings loved ones
Lets take a journey...
I know a place
Where the grass is really greener
Warm, wet and wild
There must be something in the water
Sippin' gin and juice
Laying underneath the palm trees
The boys
Break their necks
Try'na to creep a little sneak peek
You could travel the world
But nothing comes close
To the golden coast
Once you party with us
You'll be falling in love
Oooooh Oh Oooooh
California girls
We're unforgettable
Daisy Dukes
Bikinis on top
Sun-kissed skin
So hot
Will melt your popsicle
Oooooh Oh Oooooh
California girls
We're undeniable
Fine, fresh, fierce
We got it on lock
West coast represent
Now put your hands up
Oooooh Oh Oooooh
Sex on a beach
We get sand in our stilletos
We freak
In a jeep
Snoop Doggy Dogg on the stereo
You could travel the world
But nothing comes close
To the golden coast
Once you party with us
You'll be falling in love
Oooooh Oh Oooooh
California girls
We're unforgettable
Daisy Dukes
Bikinis on top
Sun-kissed skin
So hot
Will melt your popsicle
Oooooh Oh Oooooh
California girls
We're undeniable
Fine, fresh, fierce
We got it on lock
West coast represent
Now put your hands up
Oooooh Oh Oooooh
Tone Tan
Fit and ready
Turn it up cause its gettin' heavy
Wild wild west coast
These are the girls I love the most
I mean the ones
I mean like shes the one
Kiss her
Touch her
Squeeze her buns
The girls a freak
She drives a jeep
And live on the beach
I'm okay
I wont play
I love the bay
Just like I love LA
Venice beach
And Palm Springs
Summer time is everything
Come on boys
Hanging out
All that a-s
Hanging out
Bikinis, tankinis, martinis
No weenies
Just a King and a Queenie
Katy my lady
You looking here baby
Im all up on ya,
Cause you representing California
California girls
We're unforgettable
Daisy Dukes
Bikinis on top
Sun-kissed skin
So hot
Will melt your popsicle
Oooooh Oh Oooooh
California girls
We're undeniable
Fine, fresh, fierce
We got it on lock
West coast represent
West coast, west coast
Now put your hands up
Oooooh Oh Oooooh
Californiaaa, Californiaaa
California girls man
I wish they all could be
California girls
Californiaaa
I really wish
You all could be
California girls
Californiaaa, yeah
He finished with a hair flip and a pose worthy of Madonna.
At this point, Mika couldn't even form a coherent sentence, and Arrow muttered something alone the lines of, Get him out, JUST GET HIM OUT! before Paris had a chance to tell him he was a beautiful person who just wasn't right for this competition, and Kurda was dragged from the hall, shrieking for dear life.
"Where's the inconspicuous bastard who wrote Kurda a theme song, I need to permanently maim them right away. And alert the outside world we are currently experiencing a severe lack of talent. Please send help." Mika noted dryly.
"Where are the GOOD singers at?" Arrow grunted in frustration.
"Justin Bieber embarrassed them into hiding." Roxy informed them.
"He's a beautiful person, he's just not right for this competition." Paris sighed.
"Go to a commercial before I hang myself with a lighting cord." Mika requested.
"Vampire Mountain will return in a moment, after a message from our sponsors!" Host Roxy concluded. "Ten-minute rest everyone. BREAK OUT THE THERAPIST!"
Song property of Katy Perry. Lovin it!
*Roxxy,
