Author's Note: So basically, this story was intended to be loosely based upon the show storyline. But, the HECK with them…I've been feeling like the writers don't know what to do with these characters, so I'm just gonna get all rebellious and veer off a little bit and write the Keensler version I'd like to see. So, there.
. . . . . .
In the Stillness
Chapter 7
"I'm sorry. I know it's late."
"No, come in. Come in."
Ressler held the door to his apartment open for Liz, but her feet appeared firmly planted on the porch, looking as if she was still considering the idea even after having driven some twenty miles at this late hour. She had been at his apartment before, when she had driven him home from the hospital after his leg injury. But tonight, it was starkly different. This was not a visit out of work duty for a colleague, it was for something else, and suddenly Liz felt intrusive, awkward, and improper even. She should not have called him.
"Keen, for Christ's sakes, get inside. I'm freezing my ass off."
As if propelled by the gusty shove, Liz stepped into his apartment, conscious now that she has let in all the winter's frigid winds with her. "I'm sorry."
"Jeez, Keen, don't worry about it. Sit down, make yourself comfortable. I'm boiling some water for tea."
Ressler disappeared down the hallway, presumably on his way to the kitchen. Liz took off her black overcoat and laid it on the leather couch, taking notice of the warm glowing fire emanating from the small fireplace. It casted a rosy tint to the otherwise stark grey environment, and Liz had to give Ressler some credit for the nice touch, whether it was meant for her or not. She sank into the plush couch, feeling gently soothed by the warmth and the serenity of his environment. She hadn't felt like this even at her own home; she felt taken care of, as if she'd be protected.
"Here we are. Hope you don't mind Earl Grey, it's all I have. And honey always sounds good being offered, but I'm out of that, so this is all you get tonight." Ressler came back to the living room, carrying a couple of mismatched mugs with steam freely escaping from the surface. He cautiously handed Liz a cup with a small smile curling at his lips, but his furrowed brows spoke of anything but bliss. She knew that he was worried about her.
"Thank you. Earl Grey sounds perfect."
Ressler situated himself on the brown chair in front of the couch, so he faced Liz as the two silently sipped on the hot drink for few minutes. Ressler threw furtive glances at her, attempting to read her face and to gauge exactly what it was that prompted her to call him at such a late hour. It was completely sudden and unexpected, and he was worried as hell until she got there.
"I'm sorry to call you so late. I just…didn't have anyone else to call. But it's really not a big deal." Liz offered at last, fronting a reassuring smile but she knew Ressler could see right through her. She shouldn't even bother to pretend with him.
"No, it's alright, I'm glad you called me. I just want you to be OK." Ressler spoke softly, but deliberately, "Did something happen?"
Liz paused at the tender gaze of his eyes, now wanting to tell him everything that was gripping her mind, all the things that were paralyzing her heart. She was terrified when she hung up the phone with him, when he asked her to come over to his apartment. But now, she wanted to say so much, being absolutely tired of being fearful of how her thoughts would sound once they escaped her lips.
"I…think my marriage is over." There, she said it. She let someone in into her guarded world. The fortress she had protected now had another occupant. She looked upon Ressler with expectant eyes, presuming to see incredulity, shock, or at least sympathy. But his eyes, his face showed something else she hadn't expected. They portrayed…hurt.
"Are you sure?" This was all he offered. He didn't ask for details or explanations.
"It's been broken for a long time. We've…been trying to adopt a child for the last two years, even until last week when we had a baby shower. But I told him tonight that I couldn't go through with it."
Ressler appeared hesitant to speak, as if he was intruding upon her thoughts, "What changed your mind?"
"Our marriage…we're just not ready for a baby, to give a loving and stable home to a baby. There's just too much friction, and Tom…he's always wanting me to choose everything else over my job. He's asked me to move to Nebraska with him."
"Nebraska, huh? I suppose you could've chosen family over your job, if you wanted to."
"Yeah, I guess I could've. Maybe I don't have it in me…maybe in my heart I've made my decision long time ago."
Liz turned toward the glowing fire, watching its bright embers and flickers, her thoughts engulfed in the reality that had been embedded in sorrow and fatigue. Ressler watched her face against the orange hue of the fire, taking notice of how much toll this had taken on her, and he wanted to fix everything for her, even while knowing the futility of that desire.
"Keen, I'm not a relationship expert, in every sense of the word, but…there's got to be something you can do to save your marriage. If it's broken, then it could be fixed, or at least mended."
"I'm…I'm not sure this could be fixed. It's been… just too much for me." Liz exhaled deeply, surprised even at herself at how final that sounded. It was more of an admittance to herself.
"Where is Tom right now?"
"He left the house, I don't know where he is. He was very upset when I told him our marriage was broken, even though I'm sure he knew it, too."
"Elizabeth…I'm so sorry." That was the first time that Ressler had called her by her first name, and it startled him more than the other. He himself didn't know how that name came into his realm, and how he came to speak of it out loud. He wouldn't know how to explain it, even to himself.
Liz focused upon the fire again, this time trying to gather courage at what she had to tell Ressler next. This part was going to be tougher for him to hear, and for the first time that night, she was afraid of how he'd react. "Ressler, there's something else I need to tell you."
She had underestimated how quick he was at reading her demeanor. She saw his focus and a flash of alarm fleeted across his eyes. "What is it?"
"Red…had warned me about Tom."
Ressler appeared confused at first, not fully grasping the context nor the gravity. "Warned about what?"
"He told me to be careful of him."
"What does that mean? If Reddington is referring to the investigation, Tom's been cleared." Liz could see that with each exchange, Ressler was becoming more agitated and tempered, perhaps because he himself could discern something ominous was rearing.
"He's not talking about the investigation." Liz spoke with an even tone, attempting to quell Ressler's heated and growing emotions. "I think Red is alluding to the fact that…Tom is involved with something that cannot be trusted. Red had warned me about Tom when he disappeared after Garrick incident."
"What?" Ressler stood up from his chair, now in full heat, and started to pace around the room. "And why the hell did you not tell me this? How could you not tell me?"
Liz couldn't help but to shout so as to match Ressler's heightened volume, "Because…I wasn't sure what to believe. Maybe I didn't want to believe him. He is my husband, after all."
"Elizabeth, you yourself have said that Red has never lied to you, that he's always told you the truth. How can you think that all of sudden his words about your husband are lies? Isn't it a little too convenient? You should've told me about this, immediately."
"Ressler…you need to calm down." Liz waited until he took a seat again, however reluctantly and begrudgingly. "I'm sorry, perhaps I should've told you. But…it was my weakness. My poor judgment, if you will. It was about my husband…I just couldn't believe it. Or wanted to believe it."
Ressler fought to level his mind, and after a moment of collecting himself, he uttered, "You may have been in an unsafe environment all this time…"
"Red knew about…"
"I don't give a damn whether Red knew that. If he is telling you the truth, and if it's as deep as I think it is…Elizabeth, you were in the unsafe environment all this time." Ressler shook his head, fighting his own anger and indignation. "Something could've happened to you."
"Ressler, as much as this is hard to believe, and I myself can't believe I'm saying this, but…I think Red is protecting me, and he will protect me from him, if anything happens."
"Did Red say anything specific about Tom? Has he told you why you should be careful?"
"No, not directly. I have been afraid to ask."
"Well, it's time to ask some direct questions and get some direct answers. You are calling Red tomorrow, and I'm talking to him." Liz did not protest, as he had expected her to. She was ready for some answers herself. "In the mean time, there's no way I'm sending you back home."
"What?"
"Elizabeth, there's no way in hell I'm letting you be under the same roof with Tom. I might have to kill him first…"
"Don…" That was the first time Liz had uttered his first name, but he was too preoccupied to notice.
"You….can sleep here tonight. It's late anyways. You can sleep on my bed and I'll sleep in my office."
"This is completely unnecessary, it's almost ridiculous. I get that you're being protective but…"
Ressler wholly ignored those sentiments as he got up from his chair, and looked upon Liz to get up as well. "Come on, I'll show you to the bedroom. There's an attached bathroom where you can wash up."
He walked ahead of her down the hallway, expecting but not waiting for Liz to follow along. She couldn't believe it, but she had to oblige him at this point; in the battle of will, Ressler and his steely determination will win this one, no doubt about it. He opened the door to the room on the left, but he didn't go in with her, and she was sure she detected a faint hint of sudden bashfulness.
"Umm…everything is clean, I'm not some bachelor beast. There are clean towels in the bathroom on the right."
Liz hesitated before entering his bedroom, "Ressler, how about Audrey? I mean, is she coming here or…"
"What? Audrey? No, don't worry about her. She's not…don't worry about that." Then Ressler turned abruptly toward the hallway, "Good night, if you need anything, I'm in the room to the right."
"Good night." Liz called out before heading into his bedroom. She washed up quickly in his small bathroom, and climbed into the cool sheets of his bed. She was dreadfully exhausted, and upon hitting the pillow, she detected the familiar scent of his musky cologne as drowsy waves engulfed her. But a lingering thought remained: she has let him into her messy personal world…now what? Does that change anything between them?
. . . . . .
When the alarm clock went off at 6:30 A.M., Ressler got up slowly, but his first instinct was to check up on Liz. He got up from the make-shift bed, then put on his trousers and sweater before heading out to the hallway. He walked slowly and quietly, so as to not disturb her, and gingerly opened the door of his bedroom to sneak a peek of her sleeping figure. But what he saw was an empty bed. Liz had left already.
. . . . . .
Ressler arrived at the black site about an hour after he had gotten up, anxious to see Liz and to make sure she was alright. As he made his way out of the elevator, he spotted her by the crime board and walked toward her quickly.
"Keen, you left this morning." That was a rather poor attempt at trying to sound unaffected, but Liz in turn smiled at him in reassurance.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to alarm you. I stopped by home to take a shower and to change."
"Was Tom there?" Ressler was now no longer trying to mask anything; he sounded annoyed and bothered. And he wanted answers fast.
"No."
"Good. Then, I need you to make a phone call to Reddington. Tell him I need to see him, today."
