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Day Seven: Zetsu

Well like I said before, Zetsu doesn't have a bedroom inside the house. But he does own a green house outside, and that where he stays when not on missions. Plus for the fact that he has to sleep with his feet planted in the ground. Well most green houses are made out of glass, so we do have a small view of the back yard and front yard. So here we go! On to day seven of the Akatsuki crew! Let's check out Zetsu does on a typical day, shall we?

It was quiet in the green house as the sun rose over the fence that protected their yard from the neighbors, well it was actually the other way around. The sun slowly heated up the green house to a comfortably warm atmosphere. Zetsu was in the corner with his fly trap (green shell) closed. This is his natural protection while he slept, he did live with S-class criminals, so it was safer that way. His fly trap slowly opened, letting the sun hit him. He smiled as he felt the warmth of it. Once his shell was fully open to it natural state it started to shake a bit. Black and white arms emerged from the top of the fly trap, they held on tight to the top as they pulled the rest of the black and white body wiggled out of the fly trap. He jumped out and stretched his his whole body. He was built like a Greek God! He was 100 percent of manly, duo-personality, planty, weedless, well groomed, goodness, yum! The muscles on his black and white body could rival even Kakuzu's! And yes, his whole body was black and white split right down the middle of him, and yes even, ummm, his fly trap hose was the same colors, just like the rest of his hot planty body!

After he stretched all of his manly hot muscles out, he walked to the other corner of the green house to where a compost pile was. He relieved his morning bladder on top the pile. The only reason why I mentioned this with him, and not with the others is because he actually pee bright green! Tobi loves the color green and was amazed! The first time on a mission with Zetsu, and the plant man pee'd green Tobi was excited. From then on Tobi always wanted to watch the plant man pee, when he had to relieve himself. So Zetsu made sure he only pee'd when Tobi wasn't around. It really didn't look that good when a 28 year old man, who was mentally 5, stared at you multi-colored fly trap hose, while you pee'd. To make matters worse, Tobi then went and told everyone Zetsu had a special weenie, that Tobi loved to look at, and everyone had to come watch Zetsu pee. Yah, Pein and Konan weren't impressed, so now Tobi is not allowed in the green house unsupervised.

When he was done peeing, he walked over to a couple of his plants.

"Ah, good morning Rose, Violet, Tulip and Fern" White sided cooed.

"Yah morning to you too. Bertha, Olga, Ino and Tayuya!" Black side

"Why did you pick such horrible, degrading, awful names?"

"What do you mean by that? What's wrong with the fucking names I picked?" Black side fumed.

"Nothing, never mind."

"No you started it!"

"Please Zetsu not fighting in front of the children, we promised them."

"Whatever Pansy!"

Naked Zetsu walked over to the place where his fly trap was sitting.

"He really didn't mean it Pansy. He's just angry that's all."

"Whatever. Let's just get this over with so we can get back in the fly trap."

"It won't happen if we don't get along right?"

"I know. I know. Sorry! Better?"

"Yes, thank you."

Zetsu went to a table and picked up a 'Plant and Garden Magazine' and smiled pervertedly to him selves.

Time elapses: The plant man loves himself! Single hentai or yaoi style into a jar, which ever one you prefer, while looking at the magazine and talking dirty to Marty the Bonsai tree.

Zetsu took the jar and dumped it into a watering can and added water. He then watered all of his plants that were inside the green house, as the whispered sweet nothings to them and the black side spoke dirty words to them. Once he was done that he went back over to his fly trap shell and squeezed back inside until he was safely covered once more. He uprooted himself and walked over to a table where a plate and fork were kept. He went over to the compost pile and loaded his plate full of the composts decomposing waste material. From the bottom, remember he peed on top. He ate two helpings of the foul smelling substance which did have left over dead bodies in it, and then poured him self a glass of water from the hose that ran from the house to his green house. Once he was done he went to duty as the morning guard.

He disguised him self as a, well big plant and made sure no one came within 30 feet of the house, except the mailman and paperboy. Pein had warned him not to kill and eat them, because they were hard to replace. So Pein ordered for a sidewalk mail post be installed, and of course Tobi got his way like always after a crying fit in front of Konan, and got to pick it out. It was in the shape of Barbie's dream house, all pink and princess like. Tobi picked it out because when you open the mail door a tiny Barbie hands your mail to you. Well theirs used to do that until, one day it jammed and Hidan had trouble getting the mail out of it. He ripped Barbie out of it swearing and cursing at her to let go of the mail. When she didn't Hidan went totally nuts! He even did his whole white, black, skeleton, Jashin ritual thing! He slashed that Barbie bitch to smithereens, and well the mail too, had suffered the same fate.

From the side of the house you could kinda see Zetsu hiding in his fly trap peeking out. The paperboy rode by really fast on his bike and threw the paper right at Zetsu! Zetsu fly trap opened.

"Try that again you little son of a rabid, sheep mothering, prostituting, money less, fugly.."

"Zetsu he's gone. He can't hear you now." White stated.

"Just wait until tomorrow you little paper throwing retard! You'll gets what coming to you!" Black threatened.

"Yes you will!"

"So finally we agree on something?!?!?"

"Huh? What?"

"You agreed with me, that paperboy will get what's coming to him tomorrow."

"Oh, right. Tomorrow is his day to collect for his delivering."

"I knew you were an idiot."

"Oh, be nice it's a beautiful day."

Time elapses: Mailman comes.

Zetsu stalked up to the mailbox when he was across the street. He hid inside the green shell and waited. You could hear the front door open.

"Zetsu get away from the mailbox! You fucking stalker!" Hidan yelled

Zetsu emerged from inside."Bug off Hidan, your ruining the moment." White side

"WTF do you think your doing?" Black side.

"Huh, what?" Hidan asked.

"Pein said you weren't allowed to get the mail anymore." White side.

"After the friggin' Barbie incident!" Black side.

"Screw the both of you! I'm not touching the fucking mailbox! I'm getting the friggin'' mail from the mailman himself!" Hidan growled.

"Your not supposed to do that either." White side.

"You fucking gutted one! Over his naked lady tattoo he had on his arm!"

"It was sacrilege! It was against my religion! He had a dirty whore on his arm! She was not pure! He put unclean thoughts in my head! Jashin is so against dirty women in such a fashion!" Hidan rambled.

The mailman ran by both arguing men and threw the mail at the both of them. Both looked surprised for a second.

Hidan turned and yelled after him. "WTF was that? You call that fucking mail service?!?! I'm phoning your office and reporting you!!! You son of a 10 cent whore!!" He shook his fist angrily.

"Hidan you scared him!" White side.

"Yah, you idiotic Jashinist freak monster!"

"Shut your multi-colored plant hole! Jolly Green Giant! OMG! Look Zetsu a weed!"

Zetsu looked at the grass frantically. "WHERE? WHERE?" White side.

"Find it you blind bugger!" Black side yelled at the white side.

Hidan just stood there and laughed at Zetsu running around the lawn. Zetsu finally realized it was a prank and stopped looking when he heard Hidan laughing so hard he lost his breath. So he came back over to Hidan and picked up all the mail. He found his new Play Plant and Sexy Soil magazines he had ordered last week. Hidan looked over and saw the smut.

"Give me that you filthy perv!" As he grabbed the rest of the mail away from the drooling plant man and went back inside the house. Mumbling in disgust.

Zetsu just watched him and then walked back to the green house. He put his magazines on the table by the Plant and Garden one. He need some company . So he walked to the kitchen door and went inside the house.

After lunch:

Well Konan had to go shopping with Pein so Zetsu got stuck babysitting Tobi. Tobi was warned not to look at Zetsu's fly trap hose. Zetsu tried to state that is was all a misunderstanding. But Konan was still skeptical of the plant man. But for the lack of a babysitter, they decided to give him another chance. Tobi was 28 after all. Tobi ran around in circles until he saw his favorite things in the his backyard world. And off he went to play. Zetsu just replanted himself in the outside pothole of dirt he made. It was really a Gold fish pond at one time, it used to hold Goldfish. But Tobi kept taking them out to play with them. And accidentally killing them due to being out of water for too long, and making Kisame cry when one of them died until they were all gone. Then one of Deidara's many explosions put some much dirt in the pond, it turned in to a giant mud pool. Tobi kept jumping in, because he had on rubber boots to keep his feet dry and clean. But the pond filled mud water went up to his waist. After the ninth time he did this Pein ordered it to be filled. So it was filled with dirt then sand.

Zetsu watched as Tobi went from playing with the wagon to the swing set, from the swing set to his bike, from his bike to the jungle gym, from the jungle gym back to the wagon. Some how he managed to do that all in 5 minutes. After his eighth time around we went to the large bucket that held various toys like skipping rope and balls and stuff like that and pulled some out to play. Zetsu tired from just watching the hyper active boy run around accidentally feel asleep on the job.

Zetsu woke up to some poking to his side. He realized huge his mistake and looked around frantically.

"Tobi! Tobi where are you?!?!"

There was another tap to his side. "Silly Zetsu! Tobi is right here!"

Zetsu looked over at what was tapping him. He turned and saw Tobi wrapped in a green sleeping bag up to his eye hole. He looked down and Tobi who was now burried up to his waist in the dirt sand. Zetsu looked shocked!

"Look Zetsu! Tobi is just like you!"

"What is going on?" Konan asked a bit annoyed as she rounded the corner of the house.

Both men looked over at her. Tobi waved hyper and happily!

"Look Konan! Tobi's a Tobi plant!"

Konan rolled her eyes. "Tobi please come out of there. Look your full of mud and dirt! And why is your sleeping bag outside? Awww jeez! Tobi in the house, lets get you cleaned up."

"Coming Konan!" Tobi struggled to get out. So Zetsu helped him by pulling him out with one hand by the hair, then tossing him onto the grass.

"Zetsu not by the hair!!!" Konan yelled at him.

Tobi just bounced up not hurt at all, and ran past Konan into the house.

"Tobi take off your boots!" She followed him yelling. "Thanks Zetsu!" Konan called behind her as she chased Tobi past the kitchen door.

Zetsu wanting a break after two hours of babysitting, went to go watch some TV with the other guys. But first he had to make a pit stop on his compost pile.

Evening:

Well all plants sleep after the sun goes down and Zetsu was no different. He waited until the timed sprinkler system came on, he did this to make it worked properly. Once it didn't come on and Zetsu almost had a heart attack from walking not so luscious green grass, not that anyone else could tell the difference. He went into his green house and closed the curtains that covered the front view of the back of the house. Sounds odd huh? He went over to where he replants himself at night and replanted there. He waited a few minutes while he made himself comfortable. Once more his human body wiggled it's way out to reveal his hot naked man body. He went over to the table where his new magazines where and well the morning self seeding ritual. Sssssooooo...

Time elapsed: Self seeding process. Not done. Not done. Not done. Not done. Not done. Not done. There done and finished.

Zetsu watered all of his plants with his special seed, he whispered sweet nothing and more dirty words and bid them all a good night. He peed on his compost pile and went back to his fly trap shell and wiggled himself back inside. Once done he uprooted himself and opened the curtains that were closed. He was walking back to replant himself when he heard.

"Don't friggin' think I don't know what your fucking doing when the curtains closed! You perverted sacrilegious man eating plant whore!"

Zetsu was to tired to reply, so he just gave Hidan the finger instead.

"I fucking saw that fucktard!" Hidan yelled.

"Maybe you weren't supposed too Hidan." Sasori added.

"STFU! Or Paco's going to get it Wood Pecker!" Hidan yelled back

Zetsu rolled his eyes and went back and replanted himself ignoring the bickering between the two. After he snuggled in he was soon sound asleep!

Day Eight: Tobi! Tobi! Tobi!

Let's see what Tobi does in a day! So it's a definite yes to Pouchi Saku Hime! Thanks for all the reviews! You guys Rock!

Zetsu needed lots of love that's why his chapter is so long! Hot plant smexiness too! (drooling) I know I added a bit more to what the webcam could see but hell it's my story right?LOL:)