Fanfiction Four VII: The Mutant from the Ocean

As in your world, Lawndale was struck by a hurricane known as Hurricane Andrew Lloyd. The effects of Hurricane Andrew Lloyd on

the surrounding atmosphere was observable only by Watchers such as myself. The hurricane created ions that when combined with the right

humidity when inhaled would cause the person to sing while going on about their business. Simular phenomina can be created in the average

shower stall. On this large scale, Hurricane Andrew Lloyd caused the denizens of Lawndale to act as if they were in a Broadway musical. When

the hurricane blew away, everything reverted to normal. People had memories of what they did that day, but no memories of singing or impromptu

choreography.

As in your world, Jane and Daria went to the roof to escape the pep rally. When Ms. Li announced the cancellation of the game, Brittany

and Kevin went to the roof to make out. They met.

"Hey!" said Jane. "I've got an idea! Daria, you can make those inviso-shield thingamabobs, right?"

"Yeah."

"So, you could go down to the seaboard, set up a huge ass shield and keep Lawndale from being blown away by Hurricane Andrew Lloyd."

"Yeah, I could but...."

"But nothing!" squeaked Brittany. "Daria, you're a super hero! You gotta protect us!" Brittany began to sing a little ditty to the tune of

Tina Turner"s "We Don't Need Another Hero"

Brittany:

Think of the ruins

Think of the wreckage

Can't let the hurricane do that

We are the children

The new generation

We are the ones they say are bad

And I wonder if Daria will stop the hurricane

From blowing down the town till nothing remains

We need you to be our hero

To save us from the wind and gale

All we want is life right here in Lawndale

Looking for someone we can rely on

She can put her inviso-shield out there

Hurricane Andrew Lloyd, is fast coming

I think there's something in the air

And I wonder if Daria will stop the hurricane

From blowing down the town till nothing remains

And my Kevvie sings-

Kevin:

We need you to be our hero

To-something something wind and gale

All we-uh- something- Lawndale

"Alright, alright, I'll save your pathetic little town." said Daria.

"Ladies first!" said Kevin, just before accidentally loosening the doorstop.

"Noooooo!" cried Brittany. "That door locks! We're trapped up here!"

"Flame on." Jane burned down the door with a touch.

"That works." said Daria. "C'mon, I gotta save the town." Jane finished the song.

Jane:

What we do with our lives will leave only a mark

Daria:

Will our story shine like a light or end in the dark?

Both:

Give it all or nothing

As they went back in the school, Quinn (now president of the Fashion Club) was telling her friends what was wrong with her sister. Or

cousin- whatever.

"The only thing wrong with my sis-uh-cousin Daria is her lack of confidence." She remembered some other faults. "Her inferiority and

lack of confidence. Her cynicism, her inferiority, and her lack of confidence. Her over all plainness, her cynicism, her inferiority and her lack of

confidence."

"Did you know," said Stacy, "that Daria has never been on the cover of Waif? Never dated a football player? Never had a decent makeover?

And never wears anything with a label? Sometimes I marvel at her consti-consent-you know, the way she keeps doing the same thing."

"I think Daria has a nice ass." leered Upchuck.

Brittany picked up a cheerleader's megaphone. "Hey everybody!" she yelled. "The game's not cancelled after all! Daria's gonna use her

super powers to protect us from that mean-old Hurricane Andrew Lloyd! Let's give her a cheer!" Everyone cheered and started vocalizing a drum roll.

"Oh, God, tell me this isn't happening." said Daria.

The entire student body of Lawndale High sang a song for Daria to the tune of "You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown."

Students: (except Daria)

You're a good girl, Daria

You're the kind of reminder we need

You have humility, nobility and a sense of honor

That is very rare indeed.

Jane:

Yeah!

Students:

You're a good girl, Daria

And we know you will go very far

Yes, it's hard to believe

Almost frightening to conceive

What a good girl you are.

Jodi:(spoken)

You are smart.

Students:

You're the one who gets all the best grades

Yet you think for yourself

You don't get on with folks but you make lotsa jokes

Quinn:

Every single damn day!

Students:

With your invisibility

You just might save the day

You're thoughtful, brave and courteous

Quinn:(spoken)

And you also have some faults,

But for the moment let's just say...

Students:

That you're a good girl, Daria.

You're a hero and a hero could be queen

With a heart such as yours

You could open any doors

You're the best hero Lawndale has seen

You could be queen, Daria

You could be queen!

Daria:

Everybody says to me

Students:

You're a good girl, Daria

Daria:

Every voice in harmony

Students:

You're a good girl, Daria

Daria:

I'm just a girl with glasses

Who goes to honors classes

I guess I'll save your asses

From that big hurricane

Wonder why they stop to say

Students:

You're a good girl, Daria

Daria:

Never liked me anyway

Students:

You're a good girl, Daria

Daria:

I think they're just being nice

For my inviso-shield

A good girl yes, but I confess

They don't know what I wield.

With a great power comes great

Responsibility

So I'll protect the city.

Students:

Daria...Daria...

You're a good girl, Daria!

Quinn:(spoken)

If only you'd wear some eyeliner!

Daria gave her sister a disgruntled glare. "I'll call Trent." said Jane, getting out her cell. "So he can give us a ride to the seaboard." Jane

called Trent's number. She could just immagine his duck phone quacking him awake. "Mmmph...hello?" Trent sounded like he just woke up.

"Hey, Trent, Daria and I need a lift to the beach so she can stop the hurricane."

"What hurricane?"

"Hurricane Andrew Lloyd! Dammit, Trent, don't you watch the news?"

"Yeah. MTV News."

"Just come get us. We're at school."

"But I'm not wearing any pants."

"Then put some on!" Jane ended the call. "My brother sleeps to damn much."

They went outside to wait. The student body followed and piled into their cars. "We're gonna have company." Jane observed.

"It doesn't take much to draw a crowd." said Daria.

Trent's green Ford pulled up. Jesse was riding shotgun. "Hey, girls." he said. "Didn't want Jess to miss out on the fun. Hope it's OK."

"Can I ride with you?" Danny asked.

"Sure, get in." said Trent.

A train of cars followed the green Ford from the Lawndale High parking lot to the highway leading to the Atlantic coast. Jodi, Mac, Brittany

and Kevin rode in Kevin's jeep. "Gee," said Brittany as Kevin drove. "I wonder how hurricanes start."

"It' simple, babe!" said Kevin. "They're caused by-uh-lots and lots of wind!"

"No they're not!" said Mac. "They're caused by-um-why don't you field this one, Jodi?"

As the music swelled, Jodi stood, letting the wind whip her locks. She belted out a song to the tune of "Aquarius" from Hair.

Jodi:

When El Nino warms up the currents

And these currents meet with cool air

Air pressure makes a spiral

Then you'd better beware

This is the dawning of the Hurricane Andrew Lloyd

The Hurricane Andrew Lloyd

Students:

Hurricane

Andrew Lloyd

Trent:

Hurricanes always have strange names

Jesse:

From A to Z, for gents or dames

Jane:

Middle names are deviations

Danny:

Wind in a spiral formation

Students:

A shield will be our protection

Daria:

How'd I get in this situation?

Everyone:

Hurricane

Andrew Lloyd

Brittany:

When Daria puts up the inviso-shield

It will stop the wind that blows

Our town will not be destroyed

And I'll take off my clothes

Kevin:(spoken)

Babe!!!!!

Brittany: (She strips as she sings)

This is the dawning of the Hurricane Andrew Lloyd

The Hurricane Andrew Lloyd

Hurricane

Andrew Lloyd

Hurricane

Andrew Lloyd

As they arrived at the seaboard, they saw someone was already there. She was a woman in a prim suitdress with her honey blonde hair

in a messy bun that the wind was about to blow loose. She had a mike and a cameraman with her. "Great." said Daria. "Someone has already alerted

the media."

"Don't be so sure, Daria." said Jane. "These reporters are crazy. Everytime there's a hurricane one has to go on location for the scoop.

Say, isn't that Diana Wolfgang from channel 7 News?"

It was. "Dammit, Theo!" she said to her cameraman. "This wind is ruining my hair and you'd better get my good side this time."

"Yes Ms Wolfgang." said Theo.

"4,3,2...Hurricane Andrew Lloyd is fast approaching. Lawndale residents are advised to stay indoors and...what are those kids doing here?

Oh, I can't believe it! Theo, get a shot of them! A group of young people are approaching, ladies and gentlemen, and among them is the Formidable

Four! You saw it here first on Channel 7 News!" Ms Wolfgang approached them. "Sir Stretchalot," she said, pushing the mike in Trent's face. "Have

you come to save Lawndale from Hurricane Andrew Lloyd?"

"Umm, Phantom is." He hated it when people assumed he was the leader. The Formidable Four didn't need a leader.

"Phantom," Ms Wolfgang thrusted the mike in her face. "Do you have any words for our viewers at home?"

"Uh...no comment." Daria hated being put on the spot. Here goes nothing. she thought.

"Get a good shot of this, Theo." Ms Wolfgang ordered.

"Yes Ms Wolfgang."

Daria had decided that a dome with its convex facing the wind would be stronger than a flat shield. It would have to be plenty big, but

she'd do it.

"Phantom," said Ms Wolfgang. "How long will this shield last?"

Daria sighed. "Unless I will them away myself, a couple of days. Now please be quiet so I can concentrate."

"Keep that camera rolling, Theo." she whispered.

"Yes Ms Wolfgang."

Daria concentrated. No one could see the invisible barrier she was building between the land and the angry sea, but they could feel the

effects. The wind died to a faint breeze while huge waves swirled in the distance. Everyone cheered and went into a reprise of "You're a Good Girl,

Daria." Ms Wolfgang gave a Pulitzer winning monologue into Theo's camera. Daria barely noticed. She felt tired and dizzy. She would have passed

out if Trent hadn't stretched out his arms to catch her.

"You OK, Daria?" he asked.

"Yeah, just kind of woozy." she answered. "I never had to make a shield that big before."

"I'll take you home so you can go to bed."

"Trent, I'm fine, really."

"You didn't look fine."

Daria sang a song to the tune of "Everything's Alright" from Jesus Christ Superstar.

Daria:

Try not to get worried, though it was hard to do

I'm feeling fine thank you, oh don't you know

Everything's alright, yes, everything's fine

And I want to go out with you tonight

Let's go out and have some fun tonight

I'm just fine, I'm just fine so c'mon let's go somewhere tonight.

Students:

Everything's alright, yes, everything's alright, yes

Daria:

Maybe we could go to, the bowling alley if you

Don't mind losing to me, oh, don't you know

Everything's alright, yes, everything's fine

There's a new place on Dega Street

That serves a new kind of ice cream treat

We'll have fun, we'll have fun

So relax, let's have a date tonight.

Students:

Everything's alright, yes, everythin's alright, yes

Upchuck: (rudly horning in)

Woman, a fine dinner at Chez Pierre's expensive

But I'll be glad to take you there

Why don't you come with me? It won't cost you a thing

But in my car, I'll ask you to be fair

(Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrllllllllll!!!!!!!)

Aren't you hungry? I know I'm starving.

Let's go now and catch the buffet

Daria:

Get lost, I don't like you. Oh Upchuck why can't you

See my boyfriend's here too. Oh don't you know

I just don't like you, no I don't like you

And I want you to get lost tonght

'Cuz your breath turns my stomache tonight

Just get lost, just get lost, leave us alone

Students:

She doesn't like you, no, she doesn't like you, no

Trent:

Surely you're not saying you have the cajonez

To ask my girl on a date?

You better step off pal, you're pathetic and sad

Better leave before it's to late

You think with the wrong head

Get lost or you'll be dead

So get lost, or you'll be sorry, just get gone!

Daria:

Get lost, I don't like you. In fact, I despise you.

You're a disgusting twerp. Oh, can't you see

I just can't stand you, no, so go away.

And I'm going out with Trent tonight

We can do well without you tonight

So buzz off, just buzz off

Go away, quit bugging us tonight

Go away, go away and get lost.

Students:

She just can't stand you, no, she just can't stand you no



Everyone broke off and left. The excitment was over. Hurricane Andrew Lloyd wasn't going to dampen anyone's day after all. The people of Lawndale

were now free to do whatever they had planned, whether it was go to the mall, see a movie or play the schedualed football game. Even Ms Wolfgang

said "That's a wrap." Only Upchuck was left all alone on the beach. Daria had burned him before, but never this badly. And she had a boyfriend.

And what was with that remark about his breath? Upchuck felt kicked in the stomache."What's that Lane boy got that I don't?" he wondered as

he walked to the pier. "So he's better looking than me. Big deal. And he's older. Probably nicer than me. And then there's that super stretching power

he has. Oh my God! He could stretch any part of his body! No wonder she likes him more than me!" He stood on the edge of the pier and stared at

the swirling hurricane beating against the invisible barrier. Upchuck dropped to his knees and yelled "DARIA!!!!!" He sang his feelings into a song

set to the tune of "Javert's Suicide" from Les Miserables.

Upchuck:

Who is this girl?

What sort of devil is she?

Just what makes her think she's to

good to go out with me?

It was my hour at last

To ask her out on a date

I acted fast

But still I was to late

All it would take would be her to say "yes"

She cut me down cold, now I'm lonely I guess

Damned if I'll give her to that slacker Trent!

Damned if I'll yield at the end of the chase!

I am the Chuck and the Chuck is not mocked!

Can't believe she said those things right to my face!

And this whole thing drives me insane.

It is either Chuckie or Trent Lane!

And can I now allow this man

To be chosen over me

This delicate girl whom I have hunted

She turned me down, she hurt me bad

I could've asked for her hand

It was my right

She could say "Yes, that would be swell."

But she said "No, now go to Hell."

And my thoughts fly apart

Can this girl be believed?

What makes her so damn drivven?

Could it be I'm deceived?

And do I now begin to doubt

I'm not the stud I thought I was?

My heart is crushed, she found another

The girl I have known don't like me at all

Is she from Heaven or from Hell?

And does she know

That by turning me down once again

That she has killed me, even so?

I am reaching, but I fall

And the sea is black and cold

I stare into the void

Of a world that cannot hold

I'll escape now from that world

From the world of Daria

There is nowhere I can turn

There is no way to go ooooooooooooooooooooooonnnnn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And on the final note, Upchuck threw himself into the turbulant sea.

The first thing Upchuck noticed was that the water didn't seem as cold as he thought it would be. The second thing he noticed was he

wasn't drowning. He felt like he was breathing normally. Even the water pressure felt completly normal to him. In fact, he felt more at ease in the

ocean than he had ever felt on dry land. "What's going on?" he asked himself, surprised that he could speak under water. A little red crab with a

Jamacain accent approached him and began to sing.

Crab:

Under da sea, under da sea!

Darlin' it's better down where it's wetter

Take it from....

Upchuck smashed the crustacion against the pier. "Take that, Mr. Eisner!" he said. Upchuck began to swim. He had always been good

at the frog kick. He removed his shoes to lessen the drag. Then he decided he might as well strip down. He swam on, wearing only the neon green

Speedos he thought made him sexy. Seaplants undulated as schools of fish swam by. "Strange." thought Upchuck. "There's a hurricane roaring

just on the surface, but everything's so calm down here. Weird, not only can I live down here, I feel as if I could very well thrive. Guess I'm one

of those mutates, or whatever. Ah, if only there were some lovely girls down here, it would be perfect!"

As if granting his wish, Upchuck heard a feminine giggle behind him. A beautiful young maiden with flowing ash blonde hair was peeping

from behind a rock. "And who might you be, my pretty one?"

The mermaid swam into view. Her slim tail was covered in irredicent scales and curved to suggest hips and buttocks. Upchuck envied

the starfish that were affixed to each oversized breast.

"Come catch me and I'll tell you!" she giggled and darted off.

"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrroowlllllll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The chase was on.

Upchuck swam after the nubile nereid.Her fins flickered as her pale blonde hair trailed behind her. Grrowll! thought upchuck as he chased

her. What I'm gonna do when I catch- oh, what will I do? She's got a tail. Well, I can always cop a feel. That's still more than I've ever done.

She led him deeper into the ocean. There at the bottom of the sea was a huge golden castle. It looked just like the tiny castles Upchuck

had seen in aquariums, only huge. Upchuck chased the mermaid into one of the windows. "I found him! I found him!" she cried. Suddenly, a

dozen loevely mermaids swam into view. "Oh, it's him, it's him!" they cried, fawning over Upchuck.

"This day is getting better all the time!" he decided. "Not that I'm complaining, but just who are you? Am I in Heaven?"

They all giggled. Upchuck appreciated the sight. One mermaid had lusterous black hair. Another had russet hair and pouty lips. One wore

a crown of sea flowers on her chestnut head. Two of them wore their golden hair in ringlets and could only be told apart because one wore a pearl

necklace and the other a choker of cowrie shells. Yowza! Twins! he thought. The first mermaid sang a song to the tune of "Jacob and Sons" from

Joseph and the Amazing TechnicolorDream Coat as the others swam about in a pattern,joining in when they would.

First Mermaid:

Way, way back many centuries ago

Oh maybe a billion years B.C.

Neptune built a castle in the sea

Where he could live with mermaids just like me

Merry! Merry mermaids!

We're here to fulfill your every wish

Merry! Merry mermaids!

Spend all of our days in the sea with the fish

You're the long lost prince of our undersea nation

Your parents sent you above where they knew you'd be safe

Now that the war is over you can be our new monarch

No more are you some helpless foundling waif

Merry! Merry mermaids!

Babes of the ocean, of the fins and scales

Merry! Merry mermaids!

Now tell me the truth, don't you think I have a cute tail?

2nd mermaid:

Zephyr!

1st mermaid:

is a mermaid renoun for her lusterous black hair

3rd mermaid:

With Calliope!

4th mermaid:

and Ichthys!

1st mermaid:

They're just divine

5th mermaid:

Anemone!

6th mermaid:

and Salina!

7th mermaid:

With Azul!

8th mermaid:

and Pearl!

9th mermaid:

Hydrangea!

10th mermaid:

and Pax!

1st mermaid:

Took the total to nine

Merry! Merry mermaids!

11th mermaid:

Pelagia!

12th mermaid:

And Coral!

1st mermaid:

Which leaves only me

Merry! Merry mermaids!

Hello, my name's Amphitrite

Merry! Merry mermaids!

Merry! Merry mernaids!

Merry! Merry mermaids!

mermaids mermaids mermaids

Merry mermaids!

"Let me get this straight." said Upchuck. "I'm the long lost prince of the mermaids?''

"It's like this." said Amphitrite. "Your parents were Queen Nerrisa and King Nautilus VI. That's their portrait on the wall behind you. An

evil race called the Haagendaas waged war on our kingdom. Your parents sent you to the Dryland where you'd be safe. I'm sorry to say, both were

killed. Only a dozen of us are left. We need you, prince to help us repopulate."

"Not prince," corrected Zephyr. "All hail King Nautilus VII!"

"Glad to!" said the renamed Nautilus. "Umm...how?"

"We grow legs when we're out of sea water." said Pearl.

"Legs," said her twin sister Pax. "And everything else!"

"We'll do anything to serve you, your majesty." said Salina, nuzzling him.

Nautilus looked at the portrait- an alabaster relief. The king looked a lot like him, only with a long curly beard. So he was adopted. This

would explain why he didn't look like anyone in his family. It explained why he was an only child, even though Charles Rutheimer Jr. was famous

for his libido- occasionally even having sex with his wife. It would also explain why he hadn't drowned. "So, how come I don't have a fish's tail,

like the rest of you?"

Amphitrite shrugged. "I suppose it's because you've been away from the ocean for so long."

"And you'll do anything I say?"

"Yes, anything!" said Calliope.

"Fine. As your king, I require a queen. And my queen shall be none other than...Daria!"

The mermaids looked at each other. Who was Daria? "Nautilus,'' Said Amphitrite. "Surely you'd perfer one of us to be your queen? I, for

one, have been the informal leader so far."

"My mind is made up." he said. "You are all lovely and would make perfect concubines for my harem, but my queen will be Daria Morgendorfer,

a temptress from Dryland who has stolen my heart. You say you can walk on land? Then you will help me invade Dryland and help me take back

the woman who will be your queen."

"A Drylander!" cried Amphitrite. "As queen? Unthinkable."

"It can be done." said Ichthys. "As long as she stays in contact of King Nautilus or one of us mermaids, she can survive down here."

"Very well." said Nautilus. "So let it be written, so shall it be done!"

to be continued

Cliffhanger! Diana Wolfgang and Theo are OCs that may pop up in later stories. I orriginally created Diana Wolfgang for a 'Toon RPG. She started

out as an anthropomorphic wolf but I made her human for the FF stories. Didn't Betty Boop start out the same way? Theo is loosly based on

Droopy the dog.

I thought it was odd that the hurricane in "Daria!" was never given a name. They're usually named Hugo, Lili, Isabel, something. There's

been a Hurricane Andrew, but I named this one Hurricane Andrew Lloyd because it made people burst into song.

Now here's the people who should take the blame, uh, I mean credit for all the song parodies in this story. "We Don't Need Another Hero"

was written by Michael Taer. /You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown/ belongs to Clark Gesner and Charles Schultz. /Hair/ belongs to Gerome Ragni

and James Rado. /Jesus Christ Superstar/ and /Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat/ belong to Andrew Lloyd Webber and Tim Rice.

"Under the Sea" was written by Alan Menken and Howard Ashman. /Les Miserables/ belongs to Alain

Boublil, Claude-Michel Schonberg and Herbert Kretzner.