Fanfiction Four VII: The Mutant from the Ocean
As in your world, Lawndale was struck by a hurricane known as Hurricane Andrew Lloyd. The effects of Hurricane Andrew Lloyd on
the surrounding atmosphere was observable only by Watchers such as myself. The hurricane created ions that when combined with the right
humidity when inhaled would cause the person to sing while going on about their business. Simular phenomina can be created in the average
shower stall. On this large scale, Hurricane Andrew Lloyd caused the denizens of Lawndale to act as if they were in a Broadway musical. When
the hurricane blew away, everything reverted to normal. People had memories of what they did that day, but no memories of singing or impromptu
choreography.
As in your world, Jane and Daria went to the roof to escape the pep rally. When Ms. Li announced the cancellation of the game, Brittany
and Kevin went to the roof to make out. They met.
"Hey!" said Jane. "I've got an idea! Daria, you can make those inviso-shield thingamabobs, right?"
"Yeah."
"So, you could go down to the seaboard, set up a huge ass shield and keep Lawndale from being blown away by Hurricane Andrew Lloyd."
"Yeah, I could but...."
"But nothing!" squeaked Brittany. "Daria, you're a super hero! You gotta protect us!" Brittany began to sing a little ditty to the tune of
Tina Turner"s "We Don't Need Another Hero"
Brittany:
Think of the ruins
Think of the wreckage
Can't let the hurricane do that
We are the children
The new generation
We are the ones they say are bad
And I wonder if Daria will stop the hurricane
From blowing down the town till nothing remains
We need you to be our hero
To save us from the wind and gale
All we want is life right here in Lawndale
Looking for someone we can rely on
She can put her inviso-shield out there
Hurricane Andrew Lloyd, is fast coming
I think there's something in the air
And I wonder if Daria will stop the hurricane
From blowing down the town till nothing remains
And my Kevvie sings-
Kevin:
We need you to be our hero
To-something something wind and gale
All we-uh- something- Lawndale
"Alright, alright, I'll save your pathetic little town." said Daria.
"Ladies first!" said Kevin, just before accidentally loosening the doorstop.
"Noooooo!" cried Brittany. "That door locks! We're trapped up here!"
"Flame on." Jane burned down the door with a touch.
"That works." said Daria. "C'mon, I gotta save the town." Jane finished the song.
Jane:
What we do with our lives will leave only a mark
Daria:
Will our story shine like a light or end in the dark?
Both:
Give it all or nothing
As they went back in the school, Quinn (now president of the Fashion Club) was telling her friends what was wrong with her sister. Or
cousin- whatever.
"The only thing wrong with my sis-uh-cousin Daria is her lack of confidence." She remembered some other faults. "Her inferiority and
lack of confidence. Her cynicism, her inferiority, and her lack of confidence. Her over all plainness, her cynicism, her inferiority and her lack of
confidence."
"Did you know," said Stacy, "that Daria has never been on the cover of Waif? Never dated a football player? Never had a decent makeover?
And never wears anything with a label? Sometimes I marvel at her consti-consent-you know, the way she keeps doing the same thing."
"I think Daria has a nice ass." leered Upchuck.
Brittany picked up a cheerleader's megaphone. "Hey everybody!" she yelled. "The game's not cancelled after all! Daria's gonna use her
super powers to protect us from that mean-old Hurricane Andrew Lloyd! Let's give her a cheer!" Everyone cheered and started vocalizing a drum roll.
"Oh, God, tell me this isn't happening." said Daria.
The entire student body of Lawndale High sang a song for Daria to the tune of "You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown."
Students: (except Daria)
You're a good girl, Daria
You're the kind of reminder we need
You have humility, nobility and a sense of honor
That is very rare indeed.
Jane:
Yeah!
Students:
You're a good girl, Daria
And we know you will go very far
Yes, it's hard to believe
Almost frightening to conceive
What a good girl you are.
Jodi:(spoken)
You are smart.
Students:
You're the one who gets all the best grades
Yet you think for yourself
You don't get on with folks but you make lotsa jokes
Quinn:
Every single damn day!
Students:
With your invisibility
You just might save the day
You're thoughtful, brave and courteous
Quinn:(spoken)
And you also have some faults,
But for the moment let's just say...
Students:
That you're a good girl, Daria.
You're a hero and a hero could be queen
With a heart such as yours
You could open any doors
You're the best hero Lawndale has seen
You could be queen, Daria
You could be queen!
Daria:
Everybody says to me
Students:
You're a good girl, Daria
Daria:
Every voice in harmony
Students:
You're a good girl, Daria
Daria:
I'm just a girl with glasses
Who goes to honors classes
I guess I'll save your asses
From that big hurricane
Wonder why they stop to say
Students:
You're a good girl, Daria
Daria:
Never liked me anyway
Students:
You're a good girl, Daria
Daria:
I think they're just being nice
For my inviso-shield
A good girl yes, but I confess
They don't know what I wield.
With a great power comes great
Responsibility
So I'll protect the city.
Students:
Daria...Daria...
You're a good girl, Daria!
Quinn:(spoken)
If only you'd wear some eyeliner!
Daria gave her sister a disgruntled glare. "I'll call Trent." said Jane, getting out her cell. "So he can give us a ride to the seaboard." Jane
called Trent's number. She could just immagine his duck phone quacking him awake. "Mmmph...hello?" Trent sounded like he just woke up.
"Hey, Trent, Daria and I need a lift to the beach so she can stop the hurricane."
"What hurricane?"
"Hurricane Andrew Lloyd! Dammit, Trent, don't you watch the news?"
"Yeah. MTV News."
"Just come get us. We're at school."
"But I'm not wearing any pants."
"Then put some on!" Jane ended the call. "My brother sleeps to damn much."
They went outside to wait. The student body followed and piled into their cars. "We're gonna have company." Jane observed.
"It doesn't take much to draw a crowd." said Daria.
Trent's green Ford pulled up. Jesse was riding shotgun. "Hey, girls." he said. "Didn't want Jess to miss out on the fun. Hope it's OK."
"Can I ride with you?" Danny asked.
"Sure, get in." said Trent.
A train of cars followed the green Ford from the Lawndale High parking lot to the highway leading to the Atlantic coast. Jodi, Mac, Brittany
and Kevin rode in Kevin's jeep. "Gee," said Brittany as Kevin drove. "I wonder how hurricanes start."
"It' simple, babe!" said Kevin. "They're caused by-uh-lots and lots of wind!"
"No they're not!" said Mac. "They're caused by-um-why don't you field this one, Jodi?"
As the music swelled, Jodi stood, letting the wind whip her locks. She belted out a song to the tune of "Aquarius" from Hair.
Jodi:
When El Nino warms up the currents
And these currents meet with cool air
Air pressure makes a spiral
Then you'd better beware
This is the dawning of the Hurricane Andrew Lloyd
The Hurricane Andrew Lloyd
Students:
Hurricane
Andrew Lloyd
Trent:
Hurricanes always have strange names
Jesse:
From A to Z, for gents or dames
Jane:
Middle names are deviations
Danny:
Wind in a spiral formation
Students:
A shield will be our protection
Daria:
How'd I get in this situation?
Everyone:
Hurricane
Andrew Lloyd
Brittany:
When Daria puts up the inviso-shield
It will stop the wind that blows
Our town will not be destroyed
And I'll take off my clothes
Kevin:(spoken)
Babe!!!!!
Brittany: (She strips as she sings)
This is the dawning of the Hurricane Andrew Lloyd
The Hurricane Andrew Lloyd
Hurricane
Andrew Lloyd
Hurricane
Andrew Lloyd
As they arrived at the seaboard, they saw someone was already there. She was a woman in a prim suitdress with her honey blonde hair
in a messy bun that the wind was about to blow loose. She had a mike and a cameraman with her. "Great." said Daria. "Someone has already alerted
the media."
"Don't be so sure, Daria." said Jane. "These reporters are crazy. Everytime there's a hurricane one has to go on location for the scoop.
Say, isn't that Diana Wolfgang from channel 7 News?"
It was. "Dammit, Theo!" she said to her cameraman. "This wind is ruining my hair and you'd better get my good side this time."
"Yes Ms Wolfgang." said Theo.
"4,3,2...Hurricane Andrew Lloyd is fast approaching. Lawndale residents are advised to stay indoors and...what are those kids doing here?
Oh, I can't believe it! Theo, get a shot of them! A group of young people are approaching, ladies and gentlemen, and among them is the Formidable
Four! You saw it here first on Channel 7 News!" Ms Wolfgang approached them. "Sir Stretchalot," she said, pushing the mike in Trent's face. "Have
you come to save Lawndale from Hurricane Andrew Lloyd?"
"Umm, Phantom is." He hated it when people assumed he was the leader. The Formidable Four didn't need a leader.
"Phantom," Ms Wolfgang thrusted the mike in her face. "Do you have any words for our viewers at home?"
"Uh...no comment." Daria hated being put on the spot. Here goes nothing. she thought.
"Get a good shot of this, Theo." Ms Wolfgang ordered.
"Yes Ms Wolfgang."
Daria had decided that a dome with its convex facing the wind would be stronger than a flat shield. It would have to be plenty big, but
she'd do it.
"Phantom," said Ms Wolfgang. "How long will this shield last?"
Daria sighed. "Unless I will them away myself, a couple of days. Now please be quiet so I can concentrate."
"Keep that camera rolling, Theo." she whispered.
"Yes Ms Wolfgang."
Daria concentrated. No one could see the invisible barrier she was building between the land and the angry sea, but they could feel the
effects. The wind died to a faint breeze while huge waves swirled in the distance. Everyone cheered and went into a reprise of "You're a Good Girl,
Daria." Ms Wolfgang gave a Pulitzer winning monologue into Theo's camera. Daria barely noticed. She felt tired and dizzy. She would have passed
out if Trent hadn't stretched out his arms to catch her.
"You OK, Daria?" he asked.
"Yeah, just kind of woozy." she answered. "I never had to make a shield that big before."
"I'll take you home so you can go to bed."
"Trent, I'm fine, really."
"You didn't look fine."
Daria sang a song to the tune of "Everything's Alright" from Jesus Christ Superstar.
Daria:
Try not to get worried, though it was hard to do
I'm feeling fine thank you, oh don't you know
Everything's alright, yes, everything's fine
And I want to go out with you tonight
Let's go out and have some fun tonight
I'm just fine, I'm just fine so c'mon let's go somewhere tonight.
Students:
Everything's alright, yes, everything's alright, yes
Daria:
Maybe we could go to, the bowling alley if you
Don't mind losing to me, oh, don't you know
Everything's alright, yes, everything's fine
There's a new place on Dega Street
That serves a new kind of ice cream treat
We'll have fun, we'll have fun
So relax, let's have a date tonight.
Students:
Everything's alright, yes, everythin's alright, yes
Upchuck: (rudly horning in)
Woman, a fine dinner at Chez Pierre's expensive
But I'll be glad to take you there
Why don't you come with me? It won't cost you a thing
But in my car, I'll ask you to be fair
(Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrllllllllll!!!!!!!)
Aren't you hungry? I know I'm starving.
Let's go now and catch the buffet
Daria:
Get lost, I don't like you. Oh Upchuck why can't you
See my boyfriend's here too. Oh don't you know
I just don't like you, no I don't like you
And I want you to get lost tonght
'Cuz your breath turns my stomache tonight
Just get lost, just get lost, leave us alone
Students:
She doesn't like you, no, she doesn't like you, no
Trent:
Surely you're not saying you have the cajonez
To ask my girl on a date?
You better step off pal, you're pathetic and sad
Better leave before it's to late
You think with the wrong head
Get lost or you'll be dead
So get lost, or you'll be sorry, just get gone!
Daria:
Get lost, I don't like you. In fact, I despise you.
You're a disgusting twerp. Oh, can't you see
I just can't stand you, no, so go away.
And I'm going out with Trent tonight
We can do well without you tonight
So buzz off, just buzz off
Go away, quit bugging us tonight
Go away, go away and get lost.
Students:
She just can't stand you, no, she just can't stand you no
Everyone broke off and left. The excitment was over. Hurricane Andrew Lloyd wasn't going to dampen anyone's day after all. The people of Lawndale
were now free to do whatever they had planned, whether it was go to the mall, see a movie or play the schedualed football game. Even Ms Wolfgang
said "That's a wrap." Only Upchuck was left all alone on the beach. Daria had burned him before, but never this badly. And she had a boyfriend.
And what was with that remark about his breath? Upchuck felt kicked in the stomache."What's that Lane boy got that I don't?" he wondered as
he walked to the pier. "So he's better looking than me. Big deal. And he's older. Probably nicer than me. And then there's that super stretching power
he has. Oh my God! He could stretch any part of his body! No wonder she likes him more than me!" He stood on the edge of the pier and stared at
the swirling hurricane beating against the invisible barrier. Upchuck dropped to his knees and yelled "DARIA!!!!!" He sang his feelings into a song
set to the tune of "Javert's Suicide" from Les Miserables.
Upchuck:
Who is this girl?
What sort of devil is she?
Just what makes her think she's to
good to go out with me?
It was my hour at last
To ask her out on a date
I acted fast
But still I was to late
All it would take would be her to say "yes"
She cut me down cold, now I'm lonely I guess
Damned if I'll give her to that slacker Trent!
Damned if I'll yield at the end of the chase!
I am the Chuck and the Chuck is not mocked!
Can't believe she said those things right to my face!
And this whole thing drives me insane.
It is either Chuckie or Trent Lane!
And can I now allow this man
To be chosen over me
This delicate girl whom I have hunted
She turned me down, she hurt me bad
I could've asked for her hand
It was my right
She could say "Yes, that would be swell."
But she said "No, now go to Hell."
And my thoughts fly apart
Can this girl be believed?
What makes her so damn drivven?
Could it be I'm deceived?
And do I now begin to doubt
I'm not the stud I thought I was?
My heart is crushed, she found another
The girl I have known don't like me at all
Is she from Heaven or from Hell?
And does she know
That by turning me down once again
That she has killed me, even so?
I am reaching, but I fall
And the sea is black and cold
I stare into the void
Of a world that cannot hold
I'll escape now from that world
From the world of Daria
There is nowhere I can turn
There is no way to go ooooooooooooooooooooooonnnnn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And on the final note, Upchuck threw himself into the turbulant sea.
The first thing Upchuck noticed was that the water didn't seem as cold as he thought it would be. The second thing he noticed was he
wasn't drowning. He felt like he was breathing normally. Even the water pressure felt completly normal to him. In fact, he felt more at ease in the
ocean than he had ever felt on dry land. "What's going on?" he asked himself, surprised that he could speak under water. A little red crab with a
Jamacain accent approached him and began to sing.
Crab:
Under da sea, under da sea!
Darlin' it's better down where it's wetter
Take it from....
Upchuck smashed the crustacion against the pier. "Take that, Mr. Eisner!" he said. Upchuck began to swim. He had always been good
at the frog kick. He removed his shoes to lessen the drag. Then he decided he might as well strip down. He swam on, wearing only the neon green
Speedos he thought made him sexy. Seaplants undulated as schools of fish swam by. "Strange." thought Upchuck. "There's a hurricane roaring
just on the surface, but everything's so calm down here. Weird, not only can I live down here, I feel as if I could very well thrive. Guess I'm one
of those mutates, or whatever. Ah, if only there were some lovely girls down here, it would be perfect!"
As if granting his wish, Upchuck heard a feminine giggle behind him. A beautiful young maiden with flowing ash blonde hair was peeping
from behind a rock. "And who might you be, my pretty one?"
The mermaid swam into view. Her slim tail was covered in irredicent scales and curved to suggest hips and buttocks. Upchuck envied
the starfish that were affixed to each oversized breast.
"Come catch me and I'll tell you!" she giggled and darted off.
"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrroowlllllll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The chase was on.
Upchuck swam after the nubile nereid.Her fins flickered as her pale blonde hair trailed behind her. Grrowll! thought upchuck as he chased
her. What I'm gonna do when I catch- oh, what will I do? She's got a tail. Well, I can always cop a feel. That's still more than I've ever done.
She led him deeper into the ocean. There at the bottom of the sea was a huge golden castle. It looked just like the tiny castles Upchuck
had seen in aquariums, only huge. Upchuck chased the mermaid into one of the windows. "I found him! I found him!" she cried. Suddenly, a
dozen loevely mermaids swam into view. "Oh, it's him, it's him!" they cried, fawning over Upchuck.
"This day is getting better all the time!" he decided. "Not that I'm complaining, but just who are you? Am I in Heaven?"
They all giggled. Upchuck appreciated the sight. One mermaid had lusterous black hair. Another had russet hair and pouty lips. One wore
a crown of sea flowers on her chestnut head. Two of them wore their golden hair in ringlets and could only be told apart because one wore a pearl
necklace and the other a choker of cowrie shells. Yowza! Twins! he thought. The first mermaid sang a song to the tune of "Jacob and Sons" from
Joseph and the Amazing TechnicolorDream Coat as the others swam about in a pattern,joining in when they would.
First Mermaid:
Way, way back many centuries ago
Oh maybe a billion years B.C.
Neptune built a castle in the sea
Where he could live with mermaids just like me
Merry! Merry mermaids!
We're here to fulfill your every wish
Merry! Merry mermaids!
Spend all of our days in the sea with the fish
You're the long lost prince of our undersea nation
Your parents sent you above where they knew you'd be safe
Now that the war is over you can be our new monarch
No more are you some helpless foundling waif
Merry! Merry mermaids!
Babes of the ocean, of the fins and scales
Merry! Merry mermaids!
Now tell me the truth, don't you think I have a cute tail?
2nd mermaid:
Zephyr!
1st mermaid:
is a mermaid renoun for her lusterous black hair
3rd mermaid:
With Calliope!
4th mermaid:
and Ichthys!
1st mermaid:
They're just divine
5th mermaid:
Anemone!
6th mermaid:
and Salina!
7th mermaid:
With Azul!
8th mermaid:
and Pearl!
9th mermaid:
Hydrangea!
10th mermaid:
and Pax!
1st mermaid:
Took the total to nine
Merry! Merry mermaids!
11th mermaid:
Pelagia!
12th mermaid:
And Coral!
1st mermaid:
Which leaves only me
Merry! Merry mermaids!
Hello, my name's Amphitrite
Merry! Merry mermaids!
Merry! Merry mernaids!
Merry! Merry mermaids!
mermaids mermaids mermaids
Merry mermaids!
"Let me get this straight." said Upchuck. "I'm the long lost prince of the mermaids?''
"It's like this." said Amphitrite. "Your parents were Queen Nerrisa and King Nautilus VI. That's their portrait on the wall behind you. An
evil race called the Haagendaas waged war on our kingdom. Your parents sent you to the Dryland where you'd be safe. I'm sorry to say, both were
killed. Only a dozen of us are left. We need you, prince to help us repopulate."
"Not prince," corrected Zephyr. "All hail King Nautilus VII!"
"Glad to!" said the renamed Nautilus. "Umm...how?"
"We grow legs when we're out of sea water." said Pearl.
"Legs," said her twin sister Pax. "And everything else!"
"We'll do anything to serve you, your majesty." said Salina, nuzzling him.
Nautilus looked at the portrait- an alabaster relief. The king looked a lot like him, only with a long curly beard. So he was adopted. This
would explain why he didn't look like anyone in his family. It explained why he was an only child, even though Charles Rutheimer Jr. was famous
for his libido- occasionally even having sex with his wife. It would also explain why he hadn't drowned. "So, how come I don't have a fish's tail,
like the rest of you?"
Amphitrite shrugged. "I suppose it's because you've been away from the ocean for so long."
"And you'll do anything I say?"
"Yes, anything!" said Calliope.
"Fine. As your king, I require a queen. And my queen shall be none other than...Daria!"
The mermaids looked at each other. Who was Daria? "Nautilus,'' Said Amphitrite. "Surely you'd perfer one of us to be your queen? I, for
one, have been the informal leader so far."
"My mind is made up." he said. "You are all lovely and would make perfect concubines for my harem, but my queen will be Daria Morgendorfer,
a temptress from Dryland who has stolen my heart. You say you can walk on land? Then you will help me invade Dryland and help me take back
the woman who will be your queen."
"A Drylander!" cried Amphitrite. "As queen? Unthinkable."
"It can be done." said Ichthys. "As long as she stays in contact of King Nautilus or one of us mermaids, she can survive down here."
"Very well." said Nautilus. "So let it be written, so shall it be done!"
to be continued
Cliffhanger! Diana Wolfgang and Theo are OCs that may pop up in later stories. I orriginally created Diana Wolfgang for a 'Toon RPG. She started
out as an anthropomorphic wolf but I made her human for the FF stories. Didn't Betty Boop start out the same way? Theo is loosly based on
Droopy the dog.
I thought it was odd that the hurricane in "Daria!" was never given a name. They're usually named Hugo, Lili, Isabel, something. There's
been a Hurricane Andrew, but I named this one Hurricane Andrew Lloyd because it made people burst into song.
Now here's the people who should take the blame, uh, I mean credit for all the song parodies in this story. "We Don't Need Another Hero"
was written by Michael Taer. /You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown/ belongs to Clark Gesner and Charles Schultz. /Hair/ belongs to Gerome Ragni
and James Rado. /Jesus Christ Superstar/ and /Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat/ belong to Andrew Lloyd Webber and Tim Rice.
"Under the Sea" was written by Alan Menken and Howard Ashman. /Les Miserables/ belongs to Alain
Boublil, Claude-Michel Schonberg and Herbert Kretzner.
As in your world, Lawndale was struck by a hurricane known as Hurricane Andrew Lloyd. The effects of Hurricane Andrew Lloyd on
the surrounding atmosphere was observable only by Watchers such as myself. The hurricane created ions that when combined with the right
humidity when inhaled would cause the person to sing while going on about their business. Simular phenomina can be created in the average
shower stall. On this large scale, Hurricane Andrew Lloyd caused the denizens of Lawndale to act as if they were in a Broadway musical. When
the hurricane blew away, everything reverted to normal. People had memories of what they did that day, but no memories of singing or impromptu
choreography.
As in your world, Jane and Daria went to the roof to escape the pep rally. When Ms. Li announced the cancellation of the game, Brittany
and Kevin went to the roof to make out. They met.
"Hey!" said Jane. "I've got an idea! Daria, you can make those inviso-shield thingamabobs, right?"
"Yeah."
"So, you could go down to the seaboard, set up a huge ass shield and keep Lawndale from being blown away by Hurricane Andrew Lloyd."
"Yeah, I could but...."
"But nothing!" squeaked Brittany. "Daria, you're a super hero! You gotta protect us!" Brittany began to sing a little ditty to the tune of
Tina Turner"s "We Don't Need Another Hero"
Brittany:
Think of the ruins
Think of the wreckage
Can't let the hurricane do that
We are the children
The new generation
We are the ones they say are bad
And I wonder if Daria will stop the hurricane
From blowing down the town till nothing remains
We need you to be our hero
To save us from the wind and gale
All we want is life right here in Lawndale
Looking for someone we can rely on
She can put her inviso-shield out there
Hurricane Andrew Lloyd, is fast coming
I think there's something in the air
And I wonder if Daria will stop the hurricane
From blowing down the town till nothing remains
And my Kevvie sings-
Kevin:
We need you to be our hero
To-something something wind and gale
All we-uh- something- Lawndale
"Alright, alright, I'll save your pathetic little town." said Daria.
"Ladies first!" said Kevin, just before accidentally loosening the doorstop.
"Noooooo!" cried Brittany. "That door locks! We're trapped up here!"
"Flame on." Jane burned down the door with a touch.
"That works." said Daria. "C'mon, I gotta save the town." Jane finished the song.
Jane:
What we do with our lives will leave only a mark
Daria:
Will our story shine like a light or end in the dark?
Both:
Give it all or nothing
As they went back in the school, Quinn (now president of the Fashion Club) was telling her friends what was wrong with her sister. Or
cousin- whatever.
"The only thing wrong with my sis-uh-cousin Daria is her lack of confidence." She remembered some other faults. "Her inferiority and
lack of confidence. Her cynicism, her inferiority, and her lack of confidence. Her over all plainness, her cynicism, her inferiority and her lack of
confidence."
"Did you know," said Stacy, "that Daria has never been on the cover of Waif? Never dated a football player? Never had a decent makeover?
And never wears anything with a label? Sometimes I marvel at her consti-consent-you know, the way she keeps doing the same thing."
"I think Daria has a nice ass." leered Upchuck.
Brittany picked up a cheerleader's megaphone. "Hey everybody!" she yelled. "The game's not cancelled after all! Daria's gonna use her
super powers to protect us from that mean-old Hurricane Andrew Lloyd! Let's give her a cheer!" Everyone cheered and started vocalizing a drum roll.
"Oh, God, tell me this isn't happening." said Daria.
The entire student body of Lawndale High sang a song for Daria to the tune of "You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown."
Students: (except Daria)
You're a good girl, Daria
You're the kind of reminder we need
You have humility, nobility and a sense of honor
That is very rare indeed.
Jane:
Yeah!
Students:
You're a good girl, Daria
And we know you will go very far
Yes, it's hard to believe
Almost frightening to conceive
What a good girl you are.
Jodi:(spoken)
You are smart.
Students:
You're the one who gets all the best grades
Yet you think for yourself
You don't get on with folks but you make lotsa jokes
Quinn:
Every single damn day!
Students:
With your invisibility
You just might save the day
You're thoughtful, brave and courteous
Quinn:(spoken)
And you also have some faults,
But for the moment let's just say...
Students:
That you're a good girl, Daria.
You're a hero and a hero could be queen
With a heart such as yours
You could open any doors
You're the best hero Lawndale has seen
You could be queen, Daria
You could be queen!
Daria:
Everybody says to me
Students:
You're a good girl, Daria
Daria:
Every voice in harmony
Students:
You're a good girl, Daria
Daria:
I'm just a girl with glasses
Who goes to honors classes
I guess I'll save your asses
From that big hurricane
Wonder why they stop to say
Students:
You're a good girl, Daria
Daria:
Never liked me anyway
Students:
You're a good girl, Daria
Daria:
I think they're just being nice
For my inviso-shield
A good girl yes, but I confess
They don't know what I wield.
With a great power comes great
Responsibility
So I'll protect the city.
Students:
Daria...Daria...
You're a good girl, Daria!
Quinn:(spoken)
If only you'd wear some eyeliner!
Daria gave her sister a disgruntled glare. "I'll call Trent." said Jane, getting out her cell. "So he can give us a ride to the seaboard." Jane
called Trent's number. She could just immagine his duck phone quacking him awake. "Mmmph...hello?" Trent sounded like he just woke up.
"Hey, Trent, Daria and I need a lift to the beach so she can stop the hurricane."
"What hurricane?"
"Hurricane Andrew Lloyd! Dammit, Trent, don't you watch the news?"
"Yeah. MTV News."
"Just come get us. We're at school."
"But I'm not wearing any pants."
"Then put some on!" Jane ended the call. "My brother sleeps to damn much."
They went outside to wait. The student body followed and piled into their cars. "We're gonna have company." Jane observed.
"It doesn't take much to draw a crowd." said Daria.
Trent's green Ford pulled up. Jesse was riding shotgun. "Hey, girls." he said. "Didn't want Jess to miss out on the fun. Hope it's OK."
"Can I ride with you?" Danny asked.
"Sure, get in." said Trent.
A train of cars followed the green Ford from the Lawndale High parking lot to the highway leading to the Atlantic coast. Jodi, Mac, Brittany
and Kevin rode in Kevin's jeep. "Gee," said Brittany as Kevin drove. "I wonder how hurricanes start."
"It' simple, babe!" said Kevin. "They're caused by-uh-lots and lots of wind!"
"No they're not!" said Mac. "They're caused by-um-why don't you field this one, Jodi?"
As the music swelled, Jodi stood, letting the wind whip her locks. She belted out a song to the tune of "Aquarius" from Hair.
Jodi:
When El Nino warms up the currents
And these currents meet with cool air
Air pressure makes a spiral
Then you'd better beware
This is the dawning of the Hurricane Andrew Lloyd
The Hurricane Andrew Lloyd
Students:
Hurricane
Andrew Lloyd
Trent:
Hurricanes always have strange names
Jesse:
From A to Z, for gents or dames
Jane:
Middle names are deviations
Danny:
Wind in a spiral formation
Students:
A shield will be our protection
Daria:
How'd I get in this situation?
Everyone:
Hurricane
Andrew Lloyd
Brittany:
When Daria puts up the inviso-shield
It will stop the wind that blows
Our town will not be destroyed
And I'll take off my clothes
Kevin:(spoken)
Babe!!!!!
Brittany: (She strips as she sings)
This is the dawning of the Hurricane Andrew Lloyd
The Hurricane Andrew Lloyd
Hurricane
Andrew Lloyd
Hurricane
Andrew Lloyd
As they arrived at the seaboard, they saw someone was already there. She was a woman in a prim suitdress with her honey blonde hair
in a messy bun that the wind was about to blow loose. She had a mike and a cameraman with her. "Great." said Daria. "Someone has already alerted
the media."
"Don't be so sure, Daria." said Jane. "These reporters are crazy. Everytime there's a hurricane one has to go on location for the scoop.
Say, isn't that Diana Wolfgang from channel 7 News?"
It was. "Dammit, Theo!" she said to her cameraman. "This wind is ruining my hair and you'd better get my good side this time."
"Yes Ms Wolfgang." said Theo.
"4,3,2...Hurricane Andrew Lloyd is fast approaching. Lawndale residents are advised to stay indoors and...what are those kids doing here?
Oh, I can't believe it! Theo, get a shot of them! A group of young people are approaching, ladies and gentlemen, and among them is the Formidable
Four! You saw it here first on Channel 7 News!" Ms Wolfgang approached them. "Sir Stretchalot," she said, pushing the mike in Trent's face. "Have
you come to save Lawndale from Hurricane Andrew Lloyd?"
"Umm, Phantom is." He hated it when people assumed he was the leader. The Formidable Four didn't need a leader.
"Phantom," Ms Wolfgang thrusted the mike in her face. "Do you have any words for our viewers at home?"
"Uh...no comment." Daria hated being put on the spot. Here goes nothing. she thought.
"Get a good shot of this, Theo." Ms Wolfgang ordered.
"Yes Ms Wolfgang."
Daria had decided that a dome with its convex facing the wind would be stronger than a flat shield. It would have to be plenty big, but
she'd do it.
"Phantom," said Ms Wolfgang. "How long will this shield last?"
Daria sighed. "Unless I will them away myself, a couple of days. Now please be quiet so I can concentrate."
"Keep that camera rolling, Theo." she whispered.
"Yes Ms Wolfgang."
Daria concentrated. No one could see the invisible barrier she was building between the land and the angry sea, but they could feel the
effects. The wind died to a faint breeze while huge waves swirled in the distance. Everyone cheered and went into a reprise of "You're a Good Girl,
Daria." Ms Wolfgang gave a Pulitzer winning monologue into Theo's camera. Daria barely noticed. She felt tired and dizzy. She would have passed
out if Trent hadn't stretched out his arms to catch her.
"You OK, Daria?" he asked.
"Yeah, just kind of woozy." she answered. "I never had to make a shield that big before."
"I'll take you home so you can go to bed."
"Trent, I'm fine, really."
"You didn't look fine."
Daria sang a song to the tune of "Everything's Alright" from Jesus Christ Superstar.
Daria:
Try not to get worried, though it was hard to do
I'm feeling fine thank you, oh don't you know
Everything's alright, yes, everything's fine
And I want to go out with you tonight
Let's go out and have some fun tonight
I'm just fine, I'm just fine so c'mon let's go somewhere tonight.
Students:
Everything's alright, yes, everything's alright, yes
Daria:
Maybe we could go to, the bowling alley if you
Don't mind losing to me, oh, don't you know
Everything's alright, yes, everything's fine
There's a new place on Dega Street
That serves a new kind of ice cream treat
We'll have fun, we'll have fun
So relax, let's have a date tonight.
Students:
Everything's alright, yes, everythin's alright, yes
Upchuck: (rudly horning in)
Woman, a fine dinner at Chez Pierre's expensive
But I'll be glad to take you there
Why don't you come with me? It won't cost you a thing
But in my car, I'll ask you to be fair
(Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrllllllllll!!!!!!!)
Aren't you hungry? I know I'm starving.
Let's go now and catch the buffet
Daria:
Get lost, I don't like you. Oh Upchuck why can't you
See my boyfriend's here too. Oh don't you know
I just don't like you, no I don't like you
And I want you to get lost tonght
'Cuz your breath turns my stomache tonight
Just get lost, just get lost, leave us alone
Students:
She doesn't like you, no, she doesn't like you, no
Trent:
Surely you're not saying you have the cajonez
To ask my girl on a date?
You better step off pal, you're pathetic and sad
Better leave before it's to late
You think with the wrong head
Get lost or you'll be dead
So get lost, or you'll be sorry, just get gone!
Daria:
Get lost, I don't like you. In fact, I despise you.
You're a disgusting twerp. Oh, can't you see
I just can't stand you, no, so go away.
And I'm going out with Trent tonight
We can do well without you tonight
So buzz off, just buzz off
Go away, quit bugging us tonight
Go away, go away and get lost.
Students:
She just can't stand you, no, she just can't stand you no
Everyone broke off and left. The excitment was over. Hurricane Andrew Lloyd wasn't going to dampen anyone's day after all. The people of Lawndale
were now free to do whatever they had planned, whether it was go to the mall, see a movie or play the schedualed football game. Even Ms Wolfgang
said "That's a wrap." Only Upchuck was left all alone on the beach. Daria had burned him before, but never this badly. And she had a boyfriend.
And what was with that remark about his breath? Upchuck felt kicked in the stomache."What's that Lane boy got that I don't?" he wondered as
he walked to the pier. "So he's better looking than me. Big deal. And he's older. Probably nicer than me. And then there's that super stretching power
he has. Oh my God! He could stretch any part of his body! No wonder she likes him more than me!" He stood on the edge of the pier and stared at
the swirling hurricane beating against the invisible barrier. Upchuck dropped to his knees and yelled "DARIA!!!!!" He sang his feelings into a song
set to the tune of "Javert's Suicide" from Les Miserables.
Upchuck:
Who is this girl?
What sort of devil is she?
Just what makes her think she's to
good to go out with me?
It was my hour at last
To ask her out on a date
I acted fast
But still I was to late
All it would take would be her to say "yes"
She cut me down cold, now I'm lonely I guess
Damned if I'll give her to that slacker Trent!
Damned if I'll yield at the end of the chase!
I am the Chuck and the Chuck is not mocked!
Can't believe she said those things right to my face!
And this whole thing drives me insane.
It is either Chuckie or Trent Lane!
And can I now allow this man
To be chosen over me
This delicate girl whom I have hunted
She turned me down, she hurt me bad
I could've asked for her hand
It was my right
She could say "Yes, that would be swell."
But she said "No, now go to Hell."
And my thoughts fly apart
Can this girl be believed?
What makes her so damn drivven?
Could it be I'm deceived?
And do I now begin to doubt
I'm not the stud I thought I was?
My heart is crushed, she found another
The girl I have known don't like me at all
Is she from Heaven or from Hell?
And does she know
That by turning me down once again
That she has killed me, even so?
I am reaching, but I fall
And the sea is black and cold
I stare into the void
Of a world that cannot hold
I'll escape now from that world
From the world of Daria
There is nowhere I can turn
There is no way to go ooooooooooooooooooooooonnnnn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And on the final note, Upchuck threw himself into the turbulant sea.
The first thing Upchuck noticed was that the water didn't seem as cold as he thought it would be. The second thing he noticed was he
wasn't drowning. He felt like he was breathing normally. Even the water pressure felt completly normal to him. In fact, he felt more at ease in the
ocean than he had ever felt on dry land. "What's going on?" he asked himself, surprised that he could speak under water. A little red crab with a
Jamacain accent approached him and began to sing.
Crab:
Under da sea, under da sea!
Darlin' it's better down where it's wetter
Take it from....
Upchuck smashed the crustacion against the pier. "Take that, Mr. Eisner!" he said. Upchuck began to swim. He had always been good
at the frog kick. He removed his shoes to lessen the drag. Then he decided he might as well strip down. He swam on, wearing only the neon green
Speedos he thought made him sexy. Seaplants undulated as schools of fish swam by. "Strange." thought Upchuck. "There's a hurricane roaring
just on the surface, but everything's so calm down here. Weird, not only can I live down here, I feel as if I could very well thrive. Guess I'm one
of those mutates, or whatever. Ah, if only there were some lovely girls down here, it would be perfect!"
As if granting his wish, Upchuck heard a feminine giggle behind him. A beautiful young maiden with flowing ash blonde hair was peeping
from behind a rock. "And who might you be, my pretty one?"
The mermaid swam into view. Her slim tail was covered in irredicent scales and curved to suggest hips and buttocks. Upchuck envied
the starfish that were affixed to each oversized breast.
"Come catch me and I'll tell you!" she giggled and darted off.
"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrroowlllllll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The chase was on.
Upchuck swam after the nubile nereid.Her fins flickered as her pale blonde hair trailed behind her. Grrowll! thought upchuck as he chased
her. What I'm gonna do when I catch- oh, what will I do? She's got a tail. Well, I can always cop a feel. That's still more than I've ever done.
She led him deeper into the ocean. There at the bottom of the sea was a huge golden castle. It looked just like the tiny castles Upchuck
had seen in aquariums, only huge. Upchuck chased the mermaid into one of the windows. "I found him! I found him!" she cried. Suddenly, a
dozen loevely mermaids swam into view. "Oh, it's him, it's him!" they cried, fawning over Upchuck.
"This day is getting better all the time!" he decided. "Not that I'm complaining, but just who are you? Am I in Heaven?"
They all giggled. Upchuck appreciated the sight. One mermaid had lusterous black hair. Another had russet hair and pouty lips. One wore
a crown of sea flowers on her chestnut head. Two of them wore their golden hair in ringlets and could only be told apart because one wore a pearl
necklace and the other a choker of cowrie shells. Yowza! Twins! he thought. The first mermaid sang a song to the tune of "Jacob and Sons" from
Joseph and the Amazing TechnicolorDream Coat as the others swam about in a pattern,joining in when they would.
First Mermaid:
Way, way back many centuries ago
Oh maybe a billion years B.C.
Neptune built a castle in the sea
Where he could live with mermaids just like me
Merry! Merry mermaids!
We're here to fulfill your every wish
Merry! Merry mermaids!
Spend all of our days in the sea with the fish
You're the long lost prince of our undersea nation
Your parents sent you above where they knew you'd be safe
Now that the war is over you can be our new monarch
No more are you some helpless foundling waif
Merry! Merry mermaids!
Babes of the ocean, of the fins and scales
Merry! Merry mermaids!
Now tell me the truth, don't you think I have a cute tail?
2nd mermaid:
Zephyr!
1st mermaid:
is a mermaid renoun for her lusterous black hair
3rd mermaid:
With Calliope!
4th mermaid:
and Ichthys!
1st mermaid:
They're just divine
5th mermaid:
Anemone!
6th mermaid:
and Salina!
7th mermaid:
With Azul!
8th mermaid:
and Pearl!
9th mermaid:
Hydrangea!
10th mermaid:
and Pax!
1st mermaid:
Took the total to nine
Merry! Merry mermaids!
11th mermaid:
Pelagia!
12th mermaid:
And Coral!
1st mermaid:
Which leaves only me
Merry! Merry mermaids!
Hello, my name's Amphitrite
Merry! Merry mermaids!
Merry! Merry mernaids!
Merry! Merry mermaids!
mermaids mermaids mermaids
Merry mermaids!
"Let me get this straight." said Upchuck. "I'm the long lost prince of the mermaids?''
"It's like this." said Amphitrite. "Your parents were Queen Nerrisa and King Nautilus VI. That's their portrait on the wall behind you. An
evil race called the Haagendaas waged war on our kingdom. Your parents sent you to the Dryland where you'd be safe. I'm sorry to say, both were
killed. Only a dozen of us are left. We need you, prince to help us repopulate."
"Not prince," corrected Zephyr. "All hail King Nautilus VII!"
"Glad to!" said the renamed Nautilus. "Umm...how?"
"We grow legs when we're out of sea water." said Pearl.
"Legs," said her twin sister Pax. "And everything else!"
"We'll do anything to serve you, your majesty." said Salina, nuzzling him.
Nautilus looked at the portrait- an alabaster relief. The king looked a lot like him, only with a long curly beard. So he was adopted. This
would explain why he didn't look like anyone in his family. It explained why he was an only child, even though Charles Rutheimer Jr. was famous
for his libido- occasionally even having sex with his wife. It would also explain why he hadn't drowned. "So, how come I don't have a fish's tail,
like the rest of you?"
Amphitrite shrugged. "I suppose it's because you've been away from the ocean for so long."
"And you'll do anything I say?"
"Yes, anything!" said Calliope.
"Fine. As your king, I require a queen. And my queen shall be none other than...Daria!"
The mermaids looked at each other. Who was Daria? "Nautilus,'' Said Amphitrite. "Surely you'd perfer one of us to be your queen? I, for
one, have been the informal leader so far."
"My mind is made up." he said. "You are all lovely and would make perfect concubines for my harem, but my queen will be Daria Morgendorfer,
a temptress from Dryland who has stolen my heart. You say you can walk on land? Then you will help me invade Dryland and help me take back
the woman who will be your queen."
"A Drylander!" cried Amphitrite. "As queen? Unthinkable."
"It can be done." said Ichthys. "As long as she stays in contact of King Nautilus or one of us mermaids, she can survive down here."
"Very well." said Nautilus. "So let it be written, so shall it be done!"
to be continued
Cliffhanger! Diana Wolfgang and Theo are OCs that may pop up in later stories. I orriginally created Diana Wolfgang for a 'Toon RPG. She started
out as an anthropomorphic wolf but I made her human for the FF stories. Didn't Betty Boop start out the same way? Theo is loosly based on
Droopy the dog.
I thought it was odd that the hurricane in "Daria!" was never given a name. They're usually named Hugo, Lili, Isabel, something. There's
been a Hurricane Andrew, but I named this one Hurricane Andrew Lloyd because it made people burst into song.
Now here's the people who should take the blame, uh, I mean credit for all the song parodies in this story. "We Don't Need Another Hero"
was written by Michael Taer. /You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown/ belongs to Clark Gesner and Charles Schultz. /Hair/ belongs to Gerome Ragni
and James Rado. /Jesus Christ Superstar/ and /Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat/ belong to Andrew Lloyd Webber and Tim Rice.
"Under the Sea" was written by Alan Menken and Howard Ashman. /Les Miserables/ belongs to Alain
Boublil, Claude-Michel Schonberg and Herbert Kretzner.
