On the outside
Seven - Wings
The touch seemed somehow familiar to the young girl crashed at the base of the willow tree. It was warm, and very delicate. The fingers passed over her face, clearing it of the strands carried by the wind. His voice called to her, and she knew she had to come back to her senses. Kagome was wondering how such a cold man's touch could be this… warm. At that moment in time, she was actually craving for a cold touch, for something to quiet the flames burning her inside. Kagome shot her eyes open only to Dai's worried face. She smiled faintly, realizing that in the last few months, even years, every time she would open her eyes to see him, he was worried.
"Dai." Kagome whispered, feeling her voice unlike her own. Her body was stiff. She moved to stand on her feet, and her brother helped her, with the same concerned expression imprinted on his face.
"You fell asleep." he said, and his deep voice sounded so familiar, like a song from long ago, from when she still knew who she was, and what she was meant to do. Kagome shook her head.
"I wanna go home, Dai. Let's go home." He nodded, and collected the blanket from where his sister had laid it. He paused for a second to notice the burn mark in the layer of dead leaves and grass, but he dismissed the image as non important.
Kagome leaned on his arm, and caught his waist resting her head on his shoulder.
"I feel tired." she said, as Dai steadied her walk and mostly dragged her to the house.
"You should get a real sleep session when we arrive. Why did you stay there for so long anyway, and at this hour? You said you were only going to take a walk." Dai said, giving her a quick look as he helped her walk over a tree trunk, knocked over and left forgotten as it seemed. Kagome shrugged her shoulders and tried to remember the man's name.
"Sesshoumaru…" she whispered.
"What?" Dai frowned, and bent slightly to hear her.
"Do you know anyone named Sesshoumaru?" Dai raised his eyebrows.
"Here? You're kidding, right?" Her solemn face told him she was not, though, and Dai tried to answer seriously.
"No, I don't. Why do you ask?" Kagome looked away.
"I just… had a dream. Never mind."
"Another dream?" Dai's voice fell into a sigh. He was beginning to lose faith that she would recover. The screams from her nightmares woke him every night, and he had to stay with her until she was asleep again, until her breathing was regular and far apart, and she was helplessly numb in his arms. She always seemed so small laying asleep in his arms, so fragile and broken… So tortured… Dai died a little bit more every time he had to see her like that, every time he had to wipe her face dry of those bitter tears she shed.
"It wasn't like that, this one wasn't… a nightmare." she said slowly, as they walked into the house.
Kagome went straight to the fireplace, and put the palm of her right hand on the warm wall.
Dai closed the door and walked after her, in the small living room.
"Oh, what was it like, then?" he asked. Kagome shook her head.
"It doesn't matter, I was just… wondering. Just leave it alone, it doesn't matter." she waved her other hand, her back turned to Dai.
"Alright. Did you take your pills?" Kagome took in a deep breath.
"Yeah." she had them in her pocket.
Dai nodded, a little unconfident, but he decided not to press the issue any further.
"Come eat something later, I'll be in the kitchen. Okay?"
Kagome nodded, resting her other hand on the fireplace as well. It felt good, hot, her arms were burning. As she watched the flames twisting and turning, she realized why she always liked fire so much. Gold and red flames, menacing and yet contained in that small prison, threatening to burst out… Gold fire. Kagome smiled sadly.
She wasn't sure it had been a dream. The man's face was too lively imprinted in her memory, his voice too familiar, and his far away touch too burning for it to be a dream. No… It was real, it was as real as she was, and there was no question about it anymore. As for who and what he was… Kagome had no answer. But she swore she would find out, even if it meant going through every nightmare any sick mind could think of. She would endure it, she would keep going, and she will find him. Anywhere, in her memories, in her soul, in another world… She had to find him, and hear his voice again. It was haunting her, promising her resolve, promising her… peace of mind. She wanted to know who she was, why she had to suffer like this, and why did this world hurt her so much.
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Dai thought he'd waited enough. He walked out of the kitchen and headed towards the living room.
"Kagome, are you…" his voice broke in mid-sentence when he saw his sister asleep on the sofa, crouched like an infant. He sighed and frowned.
"You should have at least eaten something, kid." he whispered, as he picked her up and headed towards her room, upstairs. Two small pills fell from her lose jeans' pocket. Dai gave them a long look, and closed his eyes tightly, biting on his bottom lip. Her face was clear of any distress now; she was resting, truly resting. Was it that bad? With or without the pills, she would always be… different. He still couldn't believe the doctor had agreed to allow house treatment for her. Yet he had, thinking that maybe being around her only remaining family would do her some good. Dai had to admit it had, Kagome was feeling and looking a little better now.
The young man put his small sister on the bed, and pulled the sheets over her motionless form. He took one last look at her delicate face, deciding she was too skinny, and cleared a few strands of black hair off her forehead.
Then, he nodded, as if he'd come to a conclusion, and exited the room.
'I have to find him… He's in here somewhere. Sesshoumaru!' she yelled, but her words shattered into the hollow space before her. She was walking on a path of crimson stains, but she didn't feel her legs reaching any hard surface. She felt like she was gliding, and she could see her own reflection in the glassy surface of the stains. Kagome didn't want to think about what they could be. The feeling of emptiness filled her, and a cold breeze washed over the inside of her chest, freezing her limbs. A constant pain in her back told her that something heavy was dragging her back, and she could smell blood. Kagome tried to crouch, but her back speared her with such fierce pain that she had no choice but to stand straight and arch her back.
She put a hand on the sore place on her back, just above her ribs, and felt something… that shouldn't have been there. A wound… but, there was something else, something… growing, it was hard, like a stump. Kagome widened her eyes in terror, and reached as far as she could to feel the strange thing growing on her back.
'What…' There were two of them! As she retracted her hand, she saw it was bloodstained. Her blood. Tears formed in her eyes, and fell in the crimson puddle at her feet.
'What's happening to me?' she cried out, looking at her own bloody fingers. The pain was getting worse by the second. It seemed to be doing so even since she'd learned she had a wound. Kagome could feel the blood trailing down her back, staining her clothes. Some of it was already dry, making her a little sick.
'Less brave, are you, Azrael?' the man said, his mockery tone hurting the girl's ears. A short nervous laugh spread into the nothingness surrounding her, and she felt trapped. She was cold, and the pain wouldn't cease, if anything it seemed to punish her for every movement she made, no matter how shallow.
'Ashes Eyes…' she thought.
'Hm…Not my name, but I guess it's better than the other ones I've been deemed with. How are you, Azrael?' Kagome grimaced, as his words seemed to increase the amount of pain ripping through her back. She could distinctively feel something growing, her bones extending, lengthening, and reaching up. A sharp pain cut across her head, and she screamed.
'STOP! Please, stop… What did I do…?' Her tears suddenly froze behind her eyes, and she couldn't cry anymore. Her shaky breathing caused her to hiccup every now and then, as she fell to her knees, her head bent and her long black hair spread in the thick crimson liquid. Kagome was sure by now that it was blood, but the realization hadn't had much effect on her, since the pain in her body was much worse that the ill feeling in her gut.
'You have to grow, Azrael, you have to become as you once were. The pain is nothing.'
'No, get away, get away…' Kagome mumbled. Her words were silenced by her scream though, as a ripping pain hit her back, and speckles of her warm blood spread on her shoulders and arms. Her shirt tore and was hanging lose, barely covering her chest. Immediately, as if not to let her recover, she felt like she'd been hit on the head with a tree. Cold spears fought to climb out of her skull, and the ache was excruciating. Her terrified screams and whimpers echoed though the hollow space, as her fingers closed tight into the puddle of blood. Her own life liquid dripped silently from her neck and arms where it had formed thin serpent-like trails. Kagome was shivering, her eyes open and seeing nothing.
A heavy load hung from her back, compelling her to crouch in order to sustain it. She sat on her knees and bent to rest her head on her outstretched forearms. The strange blood was reaching her cheek, but she didn't care, the pain was easier to bear this way. She was angered because she couldn't even cry.
'What did I… do?' she whispered, as she felt the scenery shift, bend and twist around her. Kagome opened her eyes a second, or a thousand years later, she couldn't tell anymore. The first thing she saw was a pale girl, with red, bloodshot eyes staring at her. Her face was livid, the skin on her body perfectly smooth and seemingly drained of blood. It had to be, because all her blood was on the outside of her body. Her neck and shoulders were covered in it and her hands as well. Kagome looked at the strange girl, and swallowed her apprehension. Behind her, two large, perfect wings spread to each side, one white, blood-stained, the other one burning like a flame. On her head, sticking out of her black, dirty hair, were two small, blunt horns, white as snow.
It took Kagome some time to realize she was looking into a mirror.
'It's a trick…' she thought, refusing to believe her sight.
'That's not… She's not me.' Kagome shook her head, but as the image followed her motion, she froze in front of the tall mirror. It was a room full of mirrors, everywhere she looked, she could see that small, broken body covered in blood, and those huge wings rising to protect it, like a shield, like another life force.
'No.' she said, and fought to stand up. The wings were so heavy, they almost knocked her over, but she managed to stand firm.
'Where are you? Why have you done this to me?' she asked, looking around with no aim.
'I have done nothing. It was your choice, it was your time, Azrael.'
'Stop calling me that. I'm Kagome. Ka-go-ME!' she yelled. A bored laughter broke through the mirrors, and one of them grew darker. Kagome looked in that direction.
'Come out. I wanna see you.' The man chuckled
'Do you really, now? Well, I suppose I mustn't leave you yearning, Azrael.' The surface of the mirror became liquid, and through it stepped a tall, dark figure. Kagome narrowed her eyes, and steadied her body. She was still a little crouched, and holding her ripped clothes to her chest with one hand.
His eyes were as hollow as she remembered them to be. His skin grey, like a dead man's. The fixed look gave her chills, and that long hair, the color of mud, only added to the sick feeling she had from him.
'Disappointed?' Ashes Eyes asked. Kagome turned her head a little to the side, not moving her eyes from his face, though.
'Who are you? Why do you hurt me?' she demanded, her courage surprising even herself.
'Feisty… are we?' Ashes Eyes gave out a ghostly smile.
'I need you, Azrael. Remember who you are.' His arm reached towards her, and Kagome instinctively drew back. Her wings pulled her down though, and she felt like she was falling. Before she could hit the ground though, her wings flapped a few times and held her up. Not long, as she realized she was flying, her wings refused to obey her, and she fell flat on her butt.
'I see you're recovering. Good. Enough for now.' Kagome ;looked at him angrily.
'Don't give me that, you bastard! WHO ARE YOU?' she yelled at the odd man. The evil he emanated was like nothing she'd ever felt before. It was like he was every sin on the planet.
'Don't raise your voice with me, silly girl. You may be scorching in the depths of Hell before you could flap another wing.' his tone was icy, but his look fiery, and filled with the certainty of his actions. Kagome got the feeling he could really do as he said. A flick of his hand had been enough to make her gasp in pain, grabbing her chest. Ashes Eyes smiled. Kagome felt her heart pounding faster, and fire scorching her from inside out.
'Stop…' she said, but she wasn't begging. She closed her eyes and much to her surprise, saw what was burning her inside. It was indeed fire, but with a black flame, consuming her. Kagome thought of water, and tears fell from her bloodshot eyes on her cheeks, melting into her skin and taming the black flames. The fire was out in a few seconds, and she felt liberated. As she raised her head to Ashes Eyes, she saw she was alone. But the pain was beginning to dim now, that he was gone, and her wings felt lighter.
'Sesshoumaru…' she whispered, looking into a mirror, at her own face. She was ugly, she knew she was ugly. Too skinny, that oval face and the unusual shape of her eyes, too round for an Asian girl… the livid complexion, that long black hair, and now she had wings and horns. She could laugh, if she wouldn't have felt like crying her eyes out. Which were red anyway… She took a better look at herself. Her irises were completely red, bright, and her pupils oval, like a feline's. She remembered that Sesshoumaru had that sort of eyes as well.
'Sesshoumaru.' she said again, fingering her cheek. She spread her arms to reach to her wings. They felt like any other wings, maybe even softer. She had trouble understanding why one was the color of fire, though. It even looked like it was burning, but she could touch it with no problems. She closed in on a mirror and bent to see her face better. Subtle changes had occurred in her appearance. Her eyebrows were thinner and better defined, her lips slightly curved down in a pout. She felt her entire body differently, lighter, even if she was still in some amount of pain. Kagome was beginning to think that the pain hadn't dimmed, but it was she who could stand it better.
She stood up straight, stumbling on her feet until she gained balance. Was she taller? No, it was just her wings…
'I'm a demon.' she said.
'You are an Angel, Azrael.' he said, and her heart suddenly fell heavy in her chest.
'Sesshoumaru?' Kagome whispered.
His eyes burnt her from the other side of her mirror. Kagome opened her eyes wide.
'Angel.' she said, like an echo. She felt she should be contradicting him, but something inside her told her it was true.
'I'm an ugly, tormented angel.' she huffed out a mockery laugh. Sesshoumaru tilted his head.
'You are different.' Kagome raised her arms. The wings were an obvious addition, and so were the small horns.
'Really?' she said, sarcastic. Sesshoumaru only raised an eyebrow.
'Time to wake up.' he said, as he turned his back at her. Kagome reached out for him, but the glass refused to allow her passage. Sesshoumaru grew further away, and she fell on her back, regretting his departure. His voice had been so familiar; she wanted to touch his fingers, to feel his skin…
"Kagome?" She opened her eyes, and saw Dai. Only this time he wasn't worried. She smiled.
"Kid, I gotta go to work. You be good, and eat something, I've left some food in the fridge for you, and money on the table, if you wanna go into the village to buy something else to eat."
"Okay." she mumbled, sitting up. Dai was seated on the edge of her bed.
Realizing she was missing something, Kagome widened her eyes, and reached for her wings. They weren't there.
"Dream…" she whispered.
"What?" Dai frowned.
"Nothing. I just… have a good one at work." she said, and gave him a shy smile. Dai raised his eyebrows, surprised, and gave her a peck on the cheek. Kagome threw her arms around his neck and pulled him into a hug. She kinda wanted to kiss him, but she held back, knowing it would only upset him. So she let go, and let him leave.
"Thanks. Take care, okay?"
"Uh-huh." she mumbled, just before the door fell closed. His footsteps on the stairs finally disappeared, and the front door fell closed as well.
"Oniisan, I'm an Angel with a burning wing." she whispered. The car drove down the alley, heading for the city.
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AN: Boy, this is turning out twisted... I didn't mean for it do develop like this, when I wrote the first chapters. Creepy. Anyhow... It's weird, but I kinda enjoy writing it, so... if you can bear to read it, I guess it's all good. See ya!
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