First of all, this is going to be ridiculous. It's not my best, but it's not exactly my worst. Enjoy, and don't take this too seriously :). I would honestly put this under crack/comedy.
This is for the twelfth round. I had to crossover my Harry Potter fic with a TV show. I chose Masterchef.
ROUND 12-SABOTAGE
The three judges stood in the front, dressed in clean, crisp suits, with polished boots.
Dumbledore stood in the middle with McGonagall and Slughorn standing on his sides. Twelve contestants stood before them, some nervous, some confident.
"I know all of you thought this was a joke before," Dumbledore began, "but, now that we have only twelve of you left, you can be sure that this is a serious event. I'd like to congratulate all of you for coming this far. As you all know, the winner of this little event will receive a 500 galleons cash prize, as well as a trophy."
The twelve contestants shifted.
One boy, with untidy dark hair and hazel eyes framed behind rectangular glasses grinned. "We all know who's winning,"
A slightly taller, long-haired boy let out a snort.
"So, I wish you all good luck. Please get to your stations."
The twelve contestants went to their stations. A pretty dark-red haired girl chose the one at the very front, and soon saw the two boys from before trying to get the station next to her.
"Get the hell away from here," the long-haired one growled, "she's my friend,"
"Why are you so needy anyway?" The bespectacled one retorted.
"James," Lily scowled. "I don't want to work with you."
"You heard her," Severus pushed James away and took the station.
James growled and had to take the station behind Snape.
As everyone settled down, Dumbledore called out, "Today you all will have to prepare what you think is your signature dish. You have 90 minutes. Go!"
Severus and Lily walked to the pantry together. Severus took ten minutes to gather most of his ingredients but Lily struggled. She rushed around, getting more and more flustered as she realised she was wasting time. Severus reached above for the shelf behind her and grabbed the butter. "Here," he handed it to her.
She smiled gratefully but before she could thank him, James pushed Severus aside.
"You're in my way," he said. He grabbed what he wanted and then smiled nastily at him. "Good luck. I'm rooting for you to leave today,"
"Oh dear, how intimidating." Severus said sarcastically, before leaving and getting back to his station.
He began to cut his carrots the same way he cut his mandrake roots… precisely, slowly, and efficiently. Honestly, Severus thought Dumbledore had absolutely lost it this time. When the old man had announced, several weeks ago, in the Start-of-Term feast, that they were going to have a cooking competition for fun, Severus had laughed and nudged his Slytherin friends, who had laughed with him.
And, a few days later, he had stared bemusedly at the commotion in the Great Hall as people auditioned for a spot in the contest.
He had intended to snort and walk the other way, but Lily had looked interested.
"Won't it be fun?" she asked, "plus, we're good at potions. How much harder could cooking be? And the prize is awesome. Think what you could buy with it!"
Severus had decided on the spot to join for her sake, and even though he had had to face lots of ridicule from his friends, he couldn't turn his back just yet—even if it meant sleeping outside the dorm for three nights in a row to escape the jeers.
He had cleared through the auditions and then gone through pure hell for weeks as he cooked and stirred and battled to get to the top. James Potter and Remus Lupin—two of his worst enemies who had decided to join—didn't make it very easy for him. Apparently, Lupin cooked regularly at home, and James was trying to impress Lily. Somehow, they both cleared into the top twelve, along with him, Lily and some other morons.
Severus wasn't very proud of his "cooking" skills—it was slightly embarrassing, at least that was what his dorm mates had said—but he was satisfied that he had come so far. He was determined that either him or Lily win, especially since he had humiliated himself so much by adorning an embarrassing red apron in front of such a large crowd.
He threw the carrots into the pan of boiling water and started to hastily cut his tomatoes.
Lily had her hair in a bun as she leisurely filleted her salmon.
"Who do you think's gonna go this time?" she asked.
"Potter, hopefully. Either him or that Burnett girl," Severus shot a look at the said girl, who was miserably trying to stir something strange-smelling.
And so Severus chopped and stirred and grated until he was forced to do one of his least-favourite things during the contest: answer questions.
"And what are you going to surprise me with today, star student?" It was Slughorn, and Severus blinked apprehensively at his hungry expression. He was certain that Slughorn had only volunteered to judge because he would be getting to eat.
"Er, my "signature dish"?"
"It'll be wonderful, I'm sure,"
"Thanks..."
Slughorn moved on and Severus relaxed, breathing out. He began to stir harder, bringing the spoon up occasionally to sip.
He blanched at first as it was hotter than he expected but at least it tasted okay.
The minutes ticked by as the twelve contestants worked hard. Severus often heard the judges complimenting Lily and he, in spite of himself, felt envious. To be honest, he wanted to win more than he wanted Lily to win, and the judges fawning over her instead of him-though he disliked all the attention-was not helping.
He looked behind him. James was drizzling olive oil feverishly over his frying pan.
"Get a move on, everyone!" Severus heard.
Gulping, he went back to his dish. He worked diligently on preparing his plate, shoving whatever he had managed to cook onto the platter, and trying to arrange it aesthetically. He was sprinkling coriander and some salt onto the dish, when a countdown began.
"Ten!"
"Where's the pepper, dammit-"
"Nine!"
"Shit, where's the pepper-"
"Eight!"
Severus rushed to ask Lily for some pepper. What he didn't notice was James Potter going to his station the minute he left and sprinkling copious amounts of something onto his food. And then leaving.
"Seven! Six! Five!"
Severus came running back, almost pouring the entire bottle of pepper in his haste.
"Four! Three!"
He heard Potter snickering, but ignored him.
"Two! One! Time's up everyone, hands in the air!"
Severus panted hard. He had done it. He had done it again!
"Good job, all of you. Now, let's see… Lily we want to taste your dish first,"
Lily smiled brightly and walked with her dish to the judges. Severus watched Dumbledore walk forward and eagerly take a bite of her salmon. His face was transported with joy. Severus gritted his teeth in spite of himself as he listened to Dumbledore sing her praises.
"Good job, Miss Evans," he smiled. McGonagall was equally as impressed, except she told Lily she had perhaps seasoned the fish slightly too much.
In the end, there was a spring in Lily's step as she walked back, smiling brightly at Severus. His heart at first fluttered, but then withered as he realised Lily was probably going to beat him at this.
Why did he care?
Next they called Emily Burnett, who unfortunately was crying at the end of the inspection. Slughorn was holding a glass of water, tears streaming from his eyes. "Too much salt!" He croaked out before ordering the elf for more water immediately.
Severus could barely stop himself from laughing and Lily raised an eyebrow at his shaking shoulders and splutters. A Slytherin boy next to him was sniggering too.
Emily went back to her station, wiping her tears.
She's going, Severus told himself gleefully.
A few more contestants later, he was called.
Walking confidently to the front with his tray, Severus set his plate down in front of Slughorn who to seemed to have recovered and was hungry for more food.
"And what is this?" Slughorn grinned happily, cutting the beef with his fork and knife.
"It's grilled beef with salad and mashed potatoes," Severus smirked.
Slughorn seemed to be salivating and Severus backed away as the man took a large bite of his beef.
And froze.
"Sir?"
"What," Slughorn whimpered. "Did you do, Severus?"
"What? What did I do?" Severus demanded. Was the man's mouth still tasting bad after all that salt?
"I didn't expect this from you, my boy!" Slughorn boomed mournfully, almost on the verge of tears. "Sugar? You seasoned the beef with sugar?
"No! No I didn't," Severus said. "Why would-"
Dumbledore stepped forward and tasted some too. He grimaced. "That's definitely sugar, my boy. And it's a shame, your dish looked wonderful..." Dumbledore gave him a strange look as if he was crazy.
When Severus turned around, several people were struggling to keep straight faces. Lily was the only one who looked mortified and confused. But, Potter… Potter was openly guffawing, and a bowl of sugar was right next to him.
"What's wrong, Snivellus? Can't distinguish between salt and sugar?" He said loudly.
"You!" Severus shouted. "You trashed my dish!"
James stopped laughing. "What?"
"You did it! I'm going to kill you, you—" Severus rushed over to James, who took his wand out in a panic.
Severus punched him hard in the face before getting hexed against the wall.
He took his own wand out, absolutely furious.
"Stop! Stop it both of you!" McGonagall ordered.
But, it was too late. Severus had shot the hex and James had shot the jinx and...
CRASH!
Xxx
"It wasn't my fault," Severus muttered when Lily came to check on him later.
"That you destroyed half the room? Okay." But her tone was light. "I'm sorry they disqualified you,"
"For "inappropriate conduct"," Severus muttered darkly. "On a lighter note, Potter's disqualified too, for sabotaging my dish,"
The spells had caused massive destruction and mayhem, people screaming and running to the doors. Stations had been destroyed and food had been burnt. The three very angry judges had eventually pulled both of them somewhere to "cool off" and then disqualified them with a detention.
"Yeah. He's an idiot, but he didn't seem too upset,"
"Nor am I, really," Severus breathed out. "I mean, I wasn't exactly really into this..." He sighed heavily. But he had still wanted to win...
"I'll win for you?" Lily asked helpfully.
"Thanks," Severus said.
Lily smiled and pecked him on the cheek before saying goodbye and leaving the room.
Severus buried his head in his arms, depressed, but there was a stupid smile on his face. Maybe the day hadn't been that bad after all.
But, as he fingered his wand in his pocket, he knew Potter was going to pay dearly for what he had done. Whether or not Severus was happy about leaving the contest, James Potter was going to suffer, and Severus was going to make sure he was there to enjoy every minute of it..
