Okay, look, I apologize for how short this one is. But I can't really get anything out. Someone give me ideas. And no, no one can die. Except Master Splinter. And Mei's Great, Grandmother. They're old. Like crazy. But here I am, ASKING for ideas that I will more than LIKELY use. MORE than likely. Likley. likly. Licky? Er-Anyway...
I know this is drifting from the TMNT fandom. Kinda, and I really want it to slam back into it. Only I have no idea how to do such a thing. Hell, I'm so desperate, I'll even lug someone's original character in. A quicky. Like-OHMIGOD! A BIRD JUST SLAMMED INTO MY SCREEN! AHHHHH! No, really! It just did!
...Er, so yeah, a character I can easily dispose of(Like, they leave), have fun with, and will forcibly bring Mei back into the picture. Kidnapping Mei sounds great, but that's quote unquote 'Already happened'. Even the unlikely pregnant woman. Girl...teen...person. And s/he can't be flat. They've gotta have 'cool', 'WTF?' and 'Close you're mouth' things going on. Can't be perfect, can't be an absolute blumbering fool. I hope someone read this, because I'm only have one slot. if this inspires me, You'll probably end up with two chapters. Or one really long one.
Disclaimer: I do not own most of what you see here. MOST.
Chapter 7
AKA
Sexual Innuendo's Galore
October 17
Guess what happened. No. Really. Fu-OF COURSE I had a fantastic wedding night! I've had a healthy night full of sex. That's what people do on their wedding nights. Anyway, guess what the fuckin' Turtle Ninja's did. Oh no, they didn't cause a riot. No. Blondie and Brownie were there. Yep. They. Were. Fuckin'. There!
The priest had to rush through all the vows because the Brides maid's were having problems keeping Nori from hissing and trying to leap on the girls. I really would've given them a second chance if they didn't hiss back and pretend that they didn't do anything when Nori got loose.
Especially since it wasn't Nori's fist that got me in the stomach. Granted, it didn't really hurt, but the fact that it was aimed made me furious.
You should really be proud of me because I managed to pull Nori back and away from them. Honestly, I think I should have let her have her fun and pretend like I couldn't stop it. Donatello apologized over and over again, like he couldn't control his Bitch. Oh yeah. You heard it. A new wife referring to a girlfriend as a bitch. You better hope you never come across me when I'm angry. This? All the shit I'm writing and how bad I feel? This isn't anger. Anger in my book is the ultimate feeling that will mean that I'll have to be a serial killer if I feel it. I know, odd.
But I'm still fuckin' pissed!
And one of them actually made Raphael apologize. Actually, he went up to us and apologized in this quiet, sad tone. I looked at him for a long moment, incredulous. Here's how it went:
SLAP!
"FUCK!"
"Exactly! What the hell's the matter with you?! You don't apologize!"
"She told me too!"
"I'm tryin' ta keep this PG so fuckin' make your girlfriend leave!"
"FUCK YOU!"
"NO! I'm MARRIED!"
And then there was more sexual innuendo's that made Grandma and Master Splinter whack me hard with their canes. Oh yes. Just me. Not the insufferable girls and their boyfriends.
AND THEN people got after me for 'making a scene'. Ken was the only one that said to me "Don't worry, I'll win any lawsuit." And I knew that meant that I could beat the crap outta them and feel good about it.
So I'm back at Aunty Kathy's and sitting in the guest bedroom. And I'm trying really, really hard not to cry.
October 18
Well, I failed last night. I cried and cried and Ken had to sit there and cuddle me until I stopped. It was all very depressing and no one bothered me thinking I was just 'happy' or 'excited'. Michelangelo visited today though. He sat down beside me and said that he thought they were bitches anyway. Then we cracked up and I felt better.
He finally got me into my momma's wedding dress and I let him piggy back me out and about the yard. And then he handed me off to Ken who tossed me into the bounce house and we jumped around like little kids. I'm proud to say the TV people were there along with the Photographer. I mean, I was smiling and bouncing and…flowy.
I think Aunty Kathy put everything on hold just so I'd be able to enjoy it. I'm still surprised that she managed to choreograph everything so everyone could be there at the exact same time.
Wow. That woman really does know everything. Ooer.
October 20
The Chinese and Japanese side of the family didn't really like the wedding (Who did?) and has demanded that we do the traditionals of both. Holy crap, this so isn't fun. But on the bright side, I get to use family…. 'dresses' you could say.
'Cool' or 'nice' you say. I say 'Hot' and 'GOD! NOOOO!'. There's some things money can't buy. For everything else, there's customs. Yeah, not very funny, but really, If I knew all this would happen, I just woulda never let myself get kidnapped in the first place. I know, I could wish for the one thing that inadvertently made all this happen…but I never wish for something that may come true. Someone or something could be listening and make it happen.
Could you imagine? Nina would still be dead (Only I wouldn't know her), People would be so very different, My sister and parents would still be alive, and the world would just be one person closer to being healthy.
Very depressing, I know, but I'm on my period now. Things just happen. I'm lucky it didn't happen on my wedding night. Ewww. I did not just go there. Ew.
Well, now we know where all that angst and furious-ness came from!
And the TV people are gone until the other wedding's happen. They just need clips and then interview us at the end. It won't be aired until we're done. God. That poor show and their workers. They had no idea what they were dealing with.
October 21
Master Splinter has shown his dislike for the girls. Oh. My. GAWD! Disappointment?! From Master Splinter?! NOO! But-oh yes. You wanna know how he did? Mwahahahaaa! Let's see:
"HI!"
"Hello."
"I'm retar-"
Okay, I'm lying, that's not how it went.
"Hello, Master Splinter." The two schemers said at the same time.
"Hello." –All calm and just trying to get some Sushi.
"Do you like it?" –Talking about Sushi.
"I have no idea. I have yet to eat it." –or something Master Splinter-y…I dunno.
"Aren't all the tan people here nice?"
"Very." –Uh oh…patience going…heheee!
"They're all family, I think that's super cool."
"Don't you have your own?"- Fuck. Wow. You go Master Splinter.
"Of course! Ours is way better!"
"Forgive me if I doubt."
Then, evidently, Kelly choked on her wine and lived to tell the tale. Seeing as she's the one that told me. But yeah. Master Splinter is hard core. I still can't believe that he said that. In fact, just a few minutes ago, I heard him say "I can't believe myself'. Like it was a bad thing.
Oh, don't worry, revenge is still working itself out. They've all done something to ruffle everyone's feathers. Starting with ruining my wedding.
Oddly enough, now that I think about it, Grandma (Writing the whole time takes too much time. Like me writing this. Lalalaaa….time waster) had only rolled her eyes up to the sky and sighed as a cup whizzed by her face. 'How could I have not noticed this?!'you may rave. I say 'I was a bit busy'. So…too bad. You're hearing it now.
Wait. I don't even know her maiden name. For a present (YAY!), I'll have her maiden name as my kids middle name. Along with the whole…shebang that means there won't be enough name slots for my poor, poor kid.
And no, I'm not pregnant. Hell nah. Ken and I have agreed that we'd have one when I'm like…25 or something weird like that. Or at least 21. We want our kid to be able to get to know everyone.
Yeah, that's it. No, I don't know if the guys have a movie coming out. Ye-STFU!
October 26
Well…nothing's been going on. No. really. Nothing. I mean, sure. Everyone left, we got great wedding presents, we have to do the wedding over a few times, the camera people are gone (officially), and I somehow ended up with a dress that was Hawaii's state flag. Don't know how it happened, but it looks okay.
I know, What the fuck.
See how short that was? I know! I feel horrible about it! It's not even my best work! Or...anything. I was floundering like Kitty does on his back with your foot on his belly (Don't worry, it doesn't hurt him)! IDEA'S! ONE CHARACTER FROM ONLY ONE PERSON! HELP!
