AUTHOR'S NOTE: Man, my Net went on the fritz for a while. Now that it's working once more (and because I'm almost done with my studies) I can get back to updating this delightful piece of comical tripe.
CHAPTER 7- THE ATTACK BEGINS
As Racetrack reached the street where the Base of Operation was located in, he was met up by a highly amusing sight. Two newsie-girls were pushing a wheelbarrow towards the lodging house's door. The before mentioned wheelbarrow containing the passed-out forms of Jack and Spot.
"What happened to them?" Race asked the newsie-girls.
No-Ears, so named due to the fact that she had lost both of her ears in a particularly bloody fight, looked at Race. "They'se couldn't handle our moonshine too well. Stab told us to take 'em home."
In the wheelbarrow Jack moaned and buried his face further into Spot's abdomen.
"I swear, you'se guys are gonna have a big mess to clean up when they wake up. They got so drunk they actually ate some of Stab's special soup," No-Ears chuckled.
Race shivered, he was aware of what was in Stab's "special soup". He hoped that Jack and Spot would not remember eating the macabre concoction. Just then a shrill squeal of delight sounded from behind him.
"Oh crap, they found me!"
"Who?" No-Ears asked.
"These crazy girls. They attacked me in the park."
No-Ear nodded her head knowingly. "Those must be the girls Jack-Jack and Spot-Face were talking about. You take these guys in and we'll keep the prissy little shits busy."
No-Ears and her companion took out their knives and left in the direction of the squeal. Racetrack sighed and proceeded to dump Jack and Spot out of the wheelbarrow.
"Come on, I ain't carrying you two in."
"Five more minutes," Jack replied.
"Snuggles," mumbled Spot.
Race growled and pounded his fist on the lodging house door.
"Not buying anything, so go away!" a disgruntled voice said.
"Skittery, open the damn door!"
As the door opened, Racetrack was met with the astonished faces of all the Manhattan newsies, at least all the ones that mattered.
"Race, thank God you're alright!" Crutchy managed to say before he collapsed on the floor. The epilepsy was acting up again.
"Why didn't Kloppman open the door?" Race asked, entering the Base of Operation.
Mush shrugged. "He disappeared. We suspect plot-purposes."
"Okay. Jack and Spot are outside."
"They're alive?" Snitch asked.
"Think so. Would anyone mind telling me why they went to see the girls?"
David looked up from a stack of books while a couple of anonymous background newsies did the job of dragging Jack and Spot inside. "I believe I may be able to shed some light on the matter."
Race sighed. "Someone other than him?"
"Blink got attacked in an alley earlier," Mush said.
"That's not surprising."
"Only this time it was a girl. Crazy broad said she was the mayor's daughter and tried to rape me!" Blink said.
Racetrack raised his eyebrow. "I just got attacked by some girl saying she was Roosevelt's love child."
"How did you manage to escape?" Les asked, his hero worshipping turned to Race while Jack was unconscious.
"Ran like hell."
"Wow!"
"Oh God..." a moan came from the couch.
Everyone turned to see Jack sit up, holding onto his head as if it was about to explode.
"Jack!" Les shouted with joy, his hero was back.
Jack grimaced. "Anybody catch the number on that carriage?"
David glanced up from his books again. "Somebody better get him a bucket."
Snitch retrieved the newsie-hangover-bucket from its usual place and handed it to Jack, who reacted by purging his stomach from Stab's soup.
"Did you find out anything, Jack?" Blink asked.
"Yeah, did the girls know anything about the Mary Sues?" Specs added, just so he'd get to have at least one line of dialogue.
Jack wiped his mouth. "Stab said they've been getting some suspicious girls coming over, but she butchered all of them for being annoying."
"So, we have to kill them?"
David cleared his throat. "No. According to the "Mary Sue Maleficarum" the Mary Sue cannot be slain by the object of her affection. Such an action would merely result in the Mary Sue reincarnating in a much more powerful divine form."
General silence ensued.
David sighed. "If we kill them, they'll just come back."
"Oh!"
"Jack, how did you and Spot end up like that?" Mush nudged his head at Spot, who had mistaken Boots for a pillow.
Jack tried to clear his head from the moonshine-enduced haze. "Well-"
But before Jack could begin his tale of boozing and observing the sapphic tendencies of the newsie-girls, a scream came from behind the door.
"OMG! This is like, the lodging house! OMG! You have to like, let me in. Cuzz I'm like, from the future and stuff."
"Yeah! And I'm like... from the future too!" another voice screamed.
"They've found us!" Snipeshooter said and began to run around in frantic circles.
"Quick, barricade the door!" David commanded.
"We don't know what a barricade is! We're so dead!" Bumlets promptly wet his pants.
"Put stuff in front of the door so they can't get in," David shouted.
"Oh!"
A hasty barricade, or "mount of stuff", was build, effectively blocking the squealing, screaming group of Mary Sues outside.
"This can't be good." Race shook his head.
