Chapter Six: Aiwa Alone, Part 2: Destruction of the Self
256 AG, Late Winter
Silaluk Structures, Tailbone Atoll, Daichi Sea, Far Southern Hemisphere
Aiwa hurried through the entrance to the building and into the darkness, eager to escape the growing snowstorm outside. Bringing to life a flame in her hands, she began to warm herself, and as her senses calmed, her curiosity piqued. Aiwa gave the light a little more strength –
– And jumped with a horrible fright. At least a dozen human figures sat, evenly spaced, on the cold, stone floor, facing her – no, facing the doorway. They all shared the same posture and clothing: crossed legs, palms face up on their knees, straight backed, and wearing simple, grey and white robes, almost like a uniform. Some were of greater breadth and stature, some of lesser. But then Aiwa looked at their faces…
They were a mixture of men and women. All eyes were closed, and their skin was grey-brown. They might have been dead...except for the smiles. It was the smiling that had first filled Aiwa with terror, a response she now saw as natural, given the strange, unknown nature of everything before her. But the smiles were nothing but empty bliss.
"W-What are you...?" Aiwa shivered, walking slowly forwards and kneeling down before one of the figures, a young woman, beautiful of face and form. Aiwa reached out to touch her face – and recoiled with surprise when she found it to be warm. But something else had touched her, too...
"Her chi is strong," Aiwa murmured, before seating herself properly, closing her eyes and relaxing into the perception of the chi field all around. "Strong with all of them…"
Aiwa leapt up suddenly, shouting in pain. Her head had given a sharp throb, and the white that had flashed before her eyes had been unmistakable. The otherworldly anger that accompanied the strobing before her eyes somehow contained an identity. She could feel him. She could feel the fury of the previous Avatar…
"What do you want?" she cried out to the darkness, before remembering that she was not alone. Quickly reigniting her flame, her heart bashing against her chest in terror, she shone it bright. Nothing had changed, nothing had stirred, no one had moved. Aiwa breathed a sigh of relief, although her heart was still racing. Her curiosity, however, continued to grow.
A sudden rustling made Aiwa jump slightly, but the cold air that washed over her face allayed her fears. The pages of an old book that lay in front of the figures closest to the door had fluttered in a sudden gust. Aiwa quickly went and closed the heavy, stone door, before turning back to the living statues in the room. She was still scared, but now her fear of the unknown had lessened. They weren't going anywhere, and neither was she, not while the blizzard persisted.
Walking over to the lead figure, an older man with ugly facial hair and a bony jaw, Aiwa carefully picked up the old book with her free hand, ensuring that no pages fell out. But there was no danger of that, for the tome was in strangely good condition for something which had to have been there for...well, up to two decades.
Aiwa went and seated herself beside the young woman she had touched, giving the still figure a smile.
"What's all this about, then?" she murmured. "Is your secret held within these pages?" And with these words, she crossed her legs, and began to read.
"...I'm telling you, medically, she's completely fine!"
"She's been out in the cold for over a week! Aiwa? Aiwa, can you hear me?"
"Tathata."
"What?"
"Tathata."
"What does that mean?"
"Everything and nothing. Life and death and silence. It is and is not. It means everything and it means nothing. Everything and nothing..."
"I'm telling you, she's sick! Just listen to her..."
Aiwa was sitting up in bed, eating soup. She had been in the care of the Central Medical Centre staff for almost a week now, and the experience was beginning to bore her. She was being fed and monitored and taken care of in every way, and had ample time to reflect upon her experiences, but was only permitted to exercise herself physically for a short while each day. And developing her exciting new ability, her firebending, was well and truly out of the question.
The Preservation, she had learned, had gone berserk at the news of her disappearance into the Spirit World, almost three weeks ago. Aiwa might have lost track of time while stumbling through the polar winds, but reality and civilisation had not. The violent Republic City gang, she had been told, had been fought off. Chodak and the other UPF soldiers had, with the aid of the Spines, put the boot into the rebels, and they had run scared. Why they had attacked a vastly superior force in the first place, Aiwa could not figure out. Perhaps they were just ignorant of their foe. The soldiers and scientists who had fled through the Western Spirit Portal had all survived and escaped back into the Physical World, except for of Zalia, who had succumbed to her injury. Xue's desertion before the battle had been with good reason, for he had located abandoned chi-data units and equipment buried beneath the ruins of the old Future Industries factory in Republic City. Reverse engineering and subsequent innovations with the recovered chi-technology had lead to the development of a tracking device for specific, spiritual signatures. The Preservation had neurological scans of its most important members, so reconstructing an approximation of Aiwa's signature and putting it to immediate use had been a quick success.
It was a cold autumn morning, and Xue had come to visit. Aiwa was to be discharged in a few days, and although most of her friends and even her parents had come to visit her in the Habitation Zone hospital, her mentor had declined to do so, until now. Aiwa had numerous questions for him, and the reverse would likely be true for Xue.
Drawing up a chair, Xue thanked Aiwa's nurse, asking him quietly for some time alone with Aiwa, and shut the door behind the medical waterbender.
"So..." Xue spoke, staring at Aiwa without a smile, stroking his wispy chin. "Where do we begin?"
"Can I go first?"
"Of course – but we'll take it in turns for questions. I'm sure you have as many for me as I do for you."
"How did you find out about that Future Industries vault?"
"Prisoner Five. We executed her both because it was deemed timely to set an example for our junior members, and because we had managed to extract one last bit of information from her that we knew she had. We knew about the existence of the vault from Prisoner Four, who was involved in storing away stolen Jishu chi-technology, but we couldn't figure out where it was – until a month ago, when Asami cracked. My turn for a question: how did you start firebending?"
"I touched the Southern Spirit Portal. I don't really know what happened... I just started breathing, and somehow I internalised the energy of the Portal. That's what it feels like, anyway."
"You were lying in the cold, moments from passing away, right?"
"Yes – but what does that matter?"
Xue leaned back in his chair and stared at the ceiling. For a moment, he seemed to be straining to piece something together in his mind, but then the words flowed forth.
"'When we hit our lowest point, we are open to the greatest change.'"
"Avatar Aang said that! It was when he first connected with Avatar Korra and restored her bending, after the anti-bending." Then Aiwa gasped, and Xue smiled.
"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" he asked slyly, and Aiwa smiled, full of excitement.
"Do you think...do you think I connected with my past lives without realising it?"
"I think it's possible – and it makes sense. You didn't sense any of the past Avatars, did you?"
"No."
"And nor would you. Obviously, the Avatar's strongest connection is with their immediate predecessor, and you can understand why anyone would have trouble connecting with Junto."
"Is it possible his imprint isn't even in the Spirit World? Or maybe...maybe the connection isn't strong, since Vaatu severed it?"
"Korra brought back that connection while undergoing chi-assisted meditation by the Southern Portal – and we've every reason to believe that the connection should be as strong as before her battle with Vaatu. Besides, that has nothing to do with bonds that formed after Korra."
"But it's possible right?"
Xue scowled, and Aiwa could sense a rant coming on. She immediately averted her gaze, and hoped for the best.
"Aiwa, anything's possible. But is it probable? I won't comment. Now, your turn."
Aiwa cleared her throat.
"Xue, please don't freak out, OK?"
Xue frowned.
"It concerns me that you'd begin a sentence with that. You mustn't hide anything from us, Aiwa. If something is of importance, it should be discussed with a Senior as soon as possible."
"It's not that easy..."
"Clearly, as you've already failed at it! Now, what do you have to say?"
Aiwa hated this rough, insulting speech – it always seemed unnecessarily harsh.
"Well, I didn't just wander aimlessly through the Spirit World. While I was there, I met someone..."
Aiwa proceeded to recount her entire experience within the Spirit World to Xue, though she was careful to omit any details about Tenzin. When she was finished, Xue sat still for a minute, holding up a single digit to maintain silence.
"Thank you for telling me this, Aiwa," the airbender spoke finally, "but you should have reported this earlier –"
"I know!" cut in Aiwa, surprising her mentor, but she didn't care. "I just want you to help me figure it all out."
"What's there not to understand? Mako and Gano were clearly both out of touch with reality, so you needn't take anything they said too seriously."
"I'm not so sure –"
"Aiwa, that's enough!" Xue's demeanour had changed dramatically, and the angry amputee was now towering over Aiwa's bed. "Everything you saw – all that carnage – Junto did that a long time ago, now! The world has moved on, and you'd do well not to attach yourself to any of Junto's actions. You need to deal with it –"
"I don't have a choice!" Aiwa spat back, rising from her bed to stand facing her teacher. She was not taking his fury lying down. "You told me the world hates the Avatar for what he did! And you think it doesn't matter that I have to deal with what people think of me? You deal with it!"
"Aiwa, I'm telling you what you need to hear – what you should hear!"
"Well I'm really starting to doubt that!"
"Hey! Keep it down in there!" A nurse had smacked a hand onto the glass separating Aiwa's room from the rest of the special patients' unit. Neither Aiwa nor Xue backed down, but Aiwa lowered her voice.
"My question," Aiwa hissed, "is this: why are you going to the trouble of feeding me recent history so slowly, bit by bit, rather than just telling me the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, right now?"
"Know your place, Aiwa. The Preservation exists to produce the very best for the future of mankind, something you would do well to remember. We have not lied to you, and as I've already explained, you're not ready to know everything. The mere fact that you're angry about your lacking understanding demonstrates this clearly!"
Aiwa recognised she was not going to get anywhere with this, and slowly sat down on the side of her bed. The nurse came in to collect her empty bowl, scowling at the pair of angry Preservation members. Xue also seated himself once more, though his eyes were locked to Aiwa's, and the glare that was drawn between them was far from amicable.
"Next question," spat Aiwa.
"Last question:" corrected Xue with an ugly smirk, indicating that he was done with idle chatter, "do you feel as though you've learned much from your journey?"
"I've learned plenty," replied Aiwa, still holding her teacher's stare. "And I'm ready to understand plenty about what I've seen. But I'm sure it's all information I'm not ready for, right?" She rolled her eyes.
Xue, however, answered her question seriously.
"Yes. But haven't you had enough of a time already without needing to understand all the details? You've been on quite a journey: stories of the Diametric War, the Spirit World, Mako and Gano – and no," he added, parenthetically, pointing a finger at Aiwa, "you're not ready to know who Gano was, either. But then, Junto's actions, the South Pole..." Xue's voice was rising, and his smile had broadened. "unlocking your firebending and gaining a connection to the chi-fields, seeing the wreckage of the Southerners' old warships, weathering the wind and the cold, and finally receiving an experience of profound importance –"
Xue paused for breath, and Aiwa cut in.
"– I can't even remember it –"
"– Which is why you're not ready to try to understand it on human terms! Frankly, I'm jealous. Ironically, many people would die for the kind of experience you've had."
"Why? What's so special about a...null experience like that?"
"So you still don't remember what that book said?"
Upon regaining full consciousness for the first time since she had lost it on Tailbone Atoll, Aiwa had immediately asked for access to the book she had found there. The tracking team, she had been told, had found her sitting in meditation with an old book upon her lap. They had not been able to wake her for some time, and when they eventually succeeded, Aiwa's process of regaining consciousness had been slow, as though her mind had been fighting hard against its reawakening.
"No – just that one word: tathata. And I can't even remember what it means now."
Xue snorted, smiling in amusement.
"What's so funny?"
"You told us what it meant."
"I did? When –? Oh..."
"Yes. When you first regained consciousness after the episode in the ice – if you could call it consciousness." Aiwa expected a sneer or a snort, indicative of Xue's dark humour, but was surprised to see him deadly serious.
"Wretched riddles! What did I say?"
"It means nothing."
"What?"
"'Everything and nothing. Birth and death and silence. It is and is not. It means everything and nothing. Everything and nothing.'"
"This is absurd."
"Aiwa, life is absurd! People suffer and then they die! But the project – the Preservation's ultimate goal – is to put an end to that. And you may have delivered to us the final solution."
Xue smiled, and for the first time ever, Aiwa sensed something of a sincere compassion towards all living beings in his expression of gladness.
"So...can I see the book?"
"Not yet. You've just demonstrated to me that you're not ready to handle it. The knowledge contained within might have saved your life in the cold, but trust me when I say that your inability to remember either the words or, more importantly, the experience – the fact that you don't even understand 'tathata' on a deeper level than possible and call it 'absurd' – all this tells me one thing: you aren't ready."
"I'm never ready for anything!" Aiwa's temper was rising once more. "I'm not the Avatar, but I am! I'm never ready for the truth. I'm not ready to try mastering the Avatar state, and now I'm not even ready to learn some ancient philosophy that could actually help with all of this? What do you take me for?"
Xue put his hand to his chin in contemplation.
"Two months," Xue spoke calmly after a moment, "I promise. In two months, we'll have a discussion about the contents of that book. And –" He held up a hand to stifle Aiwa's protests "– there's good reason for this time delay. You read that book, Aiwa. On some level, it will have changed you. I want to see how those changes manifest themselves in your behaviour and your abilities, both physical and mental. And you've got other things to concern yourself with, now that you can bend."
Aiwa sensed excitement in Xue's voice, and some of it seeped into her, suppressing her frustration. She was a firebender, now!
"Will I receive proper lessons?" Aiwa asked, and Xue nodded, rising out of his chair and gathering his cloak about him, indicating his imminent departure.
"Of course. Zhain will be training you, starting in a few day's time. I've already spoken to him, and he's keen on the idea. Incidentally," spoke Xue, turning at the door to look back at Aiwa, who was now snuggled back under her blankets, "how's the head?"
"Good, thank you," Aiwa replied, smiling. "I haven't had a single headache since I awoke, actually."
"That's good. That's very good. You're starting to heal, and your experience with the spirit energy can only have helped."
"Really?" Aiwa was sceptical of such a sweeping and unjustified statement. Understanding of the chi-field's interactions with the human brain had advanced since the initial, secret studies, well over one hundred years ago. However, there were many specific pockets of knowledge which remained out of reach, and a lot of useful research potential and data had been lost when the Winter began and activities like frontier science had been largely abandoned.
"I think so, but I can't be sure. I'll say it's probable." And with that, Xue turned to leave.
"One more thing," spoke Aiwa suddenly. How had this not occurred to her until now?
Xue turned at the door again, now a little irritated.
"Yes?"
"What did you do with the others on the island?"
"What?"
"The other people who were back there, where you found me. The other...meditators. Did you rescue them?"
Xue's confusion was evident, and a strange sensation settled over Aiwa. Would he say what she suspected, what she dreaded?
"Aiwa, there was no one else there."
