"So are the both of you ready to sign the cease fire agreement now?" the moderator asks the two of us.
"Yeah, yeah…" the reluctant lantern grumbles.
"I suppose…" I roll my eyes from within my power armor.
"According to this document, Sorakage Sama doesn't own DC. And per the agreement, Hal Jordan will cease all attempts to murder, defenestrate, or seek to do any form of bodily harm to the party hereby known as Sorakage Sama. And in turn, Sorakage Sama will use his cloning facilities to provide repartition in the form copies of the women on this list to the party known as Hal Jordan!" SwordmasterZ read from the official looking document.
"Why are we doing this again?" Hal asked me, notarizing the document with his free hand.
"Because I want to keep myself alive, and her happy. And you don't want to be on the receiving end of a blast from her her power ring collection!" I snort, applying my John Hancock.
Chapter 7: Jealousy is best served cold.
Several months after what came to be known as the 'rhythm of love' incident, Soranik Natu was doing her best to drink former lantern Boodikka under the table. Needless to say, she was failing.
Normally, the best medic in the corps didn't like to touch alcohol unless the situation called for it: and the Korugarian's love life definitely qualified.
"You'd think…that I'd learn from Kylesh mishtakes." The red skilled woman slurred.
"Which one?" the former Alpha lantern snarked.
"The one when I get…shpookered…pissheded… Pwastered… drunk!" the non-bionic lantern answered.
"What inspired your binging this time?" the cybernetic woman blinked (well, more like her optics turned off for a split second).
"What else? Dat Gween man staler Jade drove me to drink! Da moment out break up hit the gossip mongers, she went RIGHT back to trying ta win my man." The medic spat.
"You do realize that, since your broken up, he's not yours anymore, right?" the former alpha lantern pointed out dryly, taking a long pull of her drink.
"Doesn't matter. He's MINE! An' anyone who takesh him from me 'll get a taste of my defibriggator…. befibimator… my big shock thingie!" she barked.
Meanwhile, halfway across the Galaxy Larfleeze suddenly felt like someone was stealing his shtick.
"Well, there's not much you can do about it, he's a grown man. And he can make his own decisions. What are you going to do? Concoct some juvenile scheme to make him jealous? " Boodikka shrugged.
"That's a pretty damn good idea!" the medic cackled, shooting to her feet.
The cybernetic woman blanched. "I was joking!"
"Doesn't matter! I'm gonna make him so jealous, make him want me so bad, that he won't be able to see straight!" She proclaimed to the entire Warrior's bar.
"Just out of curiosity, how are you going to accomplish this?" Soranik's drinking buddy queried.
"I'll bang the one guy, who's guaranteed to push Kyle's buttons! The one man who's shadow Kyle's been tryin' to escape ever since he got his ring! When he sees me on his arm, dat lunk head's gonna go through the roof!" she giggled happily.
"This will not end well…" Boodikka whimpered, resolving to keep an eye on her before she did something stupid.
It was several days later Hal was spending his now normal, lantern-less life doing something that he never really appreciated before; Grocery shopping.
He hummed a little tune under his breath as he walked down the dairy isle. He looked into the freezer, searching for the newest jug of whole milk among the cartons. Spying his prize, he leaned in.
"Hello Hal." A familiar voice said.
"Hello Soranik." The former lantern replied automatically.
"SORANIK!-?" he yelped, his head jerking up and slamming into the heavy metal shelf. Hal went into a cursing fit that made the various mother around him, the majority of which were watching their children, cover their so called 'impressionable' ears.
"OW! Not that I'm not glad to see you, but…what are you doing here?-!" the former lantern hissed, nursing the growing bump on his head.
"I decided to take some time off from the Corps. I wanted to study some of the medical techniques from a few different planets across the Galaxy. And Earth seemed like as good a place start to start as any. I'm planning on spending the next few months here. So do you mind showing me around?" she smiled innocently.
"Ok Hal, you're the only one she knows on earth… other than her ex, Guy, John, possibly Carol. Who else would she go to?" the former lantern shook his head, writing off the sudden feeling of
doom to the ringing in his head.
"All right, I guess I could show you the…sights…oh me, oh my…" the pilot trailed off, twitching, when he saw what she was wearing.
Somehow, the red skinned woman had managed to get her hands on several items of Earthling summer clothes, specifically a halter top, very brief cut off jeans, and a pair of strappy sandals.
Needless to say, the feeling of paranoia and doom returned full force.
"This is the Coast city hospital. It's been upgraded over the past few years, since a law was passed where any city a Superhero called his territory had to have a fully functioning hospital with the most modern equipment available." Hal gestured less than an hour later.
"Fascinating…" the crimson skinned woman purred, gazing almost covetously at the building.
The half lidded look in her eyes combined with the smoky way the word rolled off her tongue make the former lantern break into a cold sweat.
What made it even worse was that she decided this was the moment to grab his arm and rub her more than ample Korugarian cleavage against his bicep.
"Oh God, please don't let Carol or Sinestro show up! Oh God, please don't let Carol or Sinestro show up!" he mentally begged. He was finally in a stable relationship, and the last thing he needed was a misunderstanding that involved an admittedly hot alien woman in very skimpy summer clothes.
"Hello Hal." A very familiar, and very amused, voice said.
"God, you seriously suck!" the former lantern mentally snapped.
"Hi Carol!" he grinned woodenly, shaking the amorous woman off his arm and getting out of ear shot.
"What is going on?" the sometime star Sapphire asked, as she practically oozed essence of 'I'm amused with you but I'm not gonna tell you why'.
"Well, it's not what it looks like, if that's what you're thinking…" Hal replied lamely.
"What I'm thinking is that you're currently dealing with an amorous medic who is trying to use you to make her ex-boyfriend wildly jealous." She replied smugly.
For once, Hal was struck dumb.
"I can tell by that look that you're confused. One; I'm a star sapphire; Love is my business. Two; Boodikka showed up at Ferris air about an hour ago. She clued me in on what Soranik's planning to do!" she smirked
"Thank God! The last thing I need is Kyle on the warpath, or any more rumors about my Love life." He sighed,
"Humph! Like those rumors don't stroke your ego." She snorted.
"I'll ignore the commentary, thank you very much! Thanks for cluing me in to her real intentions. I'll show her around for a bit and drop her off at the motel where she's staying.
Wanna meet me at my apartment tonight?" the former lantern smirked.
"Sure, if you can ditch your latest admirer." Hal's significant other smirked.
"You know, you seem awfully calm despite the fact that someone out to get me."
"Oh, I'm not worried. You know what would happen if you strayed, don't you?" Carol whispered seductively, her eyes pulsing a familiar shade of pink.
"Yup! No doubt here!" the former lantern gulped.
It was a few hours later that Hal was freshly showered and dressed to kill, ready for a night on the town.
"I'm starting to think getting kicked out of the corps was the best thing I ever did!" the lantern smirked.
Knock! Knock!
The pilot took a deep breath and threw open the door, "Hey gorgeous! You look…Waugh?" he gurgled, looking at the dark haired, crimson skinned woman on his door step.
"Thanks for the compliment. Nice to know some men can appreciate a woman's charms…" the medic cooed, sauntering into the room, wearing an evening dress that showed more cleavage that
Hal thought possible.
"Will you excuse me for a second?" the ex-green lantern gulped, dashing into the bedroom, grabbing his cell, and hitting the first number on the speed dial.
A few seconds later…
"Hello?" he heard Carol say from the other end of the line.
"Hi, Carol, remember when you said that this would blow over, and that Soranik wasn't really serious about wanting to sleep with me until I wilted?" Hal babbled.
"Yes." She answered uncertainly.
"Well, Sinestro's daughter in my apartment, right now, wearing a dress that's hot enough to make Firestorm jealous!"
"Oh Hal! I seemed to have torn my gown, would you mind if I take it off so that I can sew up the rip? Mind you, I'm not wearing anything underneath this…so no peeking!" he heard the Kourgarian say from the other room.
A beat.
"Hello?" Hal gulped.
"I'll be there in a few minutes. It's time I set that woman straight. I'll teach her not to steal with a Star sapphire's mate." The queen of Zamaron said frostily before hanging up.
"Oh dear…" Hal gulped as he realized he might have said too much.
The former lantern looked to the heavens and prayed that his apartment didn't get destroyed again.
"Soranik! You gotta…Hubba hubba!" rushed into the room, but trailed off when he realized that she was already in the process of repairing her dress.
"Yes?" the red skinned woman smiled cattily.
"You gotta hide!" the former lantern sputtered, grabbing Kyle's ex by the shoulders and shoving her into a nearby closet.
"What are you…" the nude female sputtered.
"Carol's coming, and if she finds you like this, she's all the more likely to go full predator mode on the both of us!" the pilot gulped.
Sinestro's daughter blanched, "I see your point. I think I'll stay here for a little while…" she said as he slammed the door in her face.
Knock! Knock! Knock!
Hal took a deep breath and opened the door; "Carol! As you can see…you're not who I thought you were…" the lantern trailed off, seeing Kyle standing in front of him in full uniform.
"Where is she?" The former host of Ion said flatly.
"Where's who?" Hal gulped.
"Soranik. I know she's here. Tell me where she is. And lord help me, if she's anything less than fully clothed, I'll demonstrate to you some of the constructs I've come up with from watching anime!" the shorted of the two growled as he made a very frightening bunch of tentacle constructs.
"Erm. I'll get back to you on that." Hal paled.
Another knock.
"Ugh! Get out of sight! We'll discuss this later after I get rid of whoever is at the door." Hal groaned resignedly, pushing his former sector partner into the bedroom.
When the disgraced lantern opened his front door, all he found at his doorstep was a huge cake almost as tall as him. He wheeled the gigantic confection inside.
Cautiously, he picked up the small card attached to the side.
To Hal: Here's hoping you have the happiest un-birthday of your life! With love, from Helena and Zinda.
Something about this niggled at the back of his head. When a steady and familiar beat suddenly the upper tier began to wobble.
"Happy un-birthday to you! Happy un-birthday, to you…" a horrifyingly familiar female voice crooned to the beat.
Helena Bertinelli rose out of the cake like some confectionery goddess, only wearing a smile.
"Happy un-birthday, Mr. Hal…Happy Un-birthday to you…" Zinda Blake purred, sliding beside the other woman…
"Gah... Gah... Gah... What do you think you're doing?-!" the male pilot trembled.
"Hmmmm?" the dark haired woman hummed, smirking at him mischievously. "Oh, it's more about what I... no, we'll be doing..."
"Indeed!" the blonde pilot leered.
"Not funny, not funny at all!" the sputtering former lantern cackled. "You can't just barge into a man's home and, umm..." his voice trailed off as he saw the two of them sitting on the edge of the cake, displaying four succulent long legs.
Hal could feel his willpower crumbling under the sensuous assault.
Knock! Knock! Knock!
"Oh, thank God!" Hal gasped, wheeling the cake and its contents into the kitchen.
"GAH!" Hal yelped as he turned around, coming nose to nose with Batman
"How long have you been there?-!" the non costumed man sputtered.
"Long enough." The dark knight deadpanned.
"Whatever. Could you wait on the balcony until all's said and done." Hal grimaced. When he opened his eyes, his former teammate had disappeared.
Shaking his head, the discharged lantern threw open the door for what felt like the hundredth time that night. This time reveling Thaal Sinestro in full Indigo lantern regalia; loincloth and all.
"What can I do for you Sinestro?" Hal asked tiredly.
"I've come to see if you're ready to be reborn as an Indigo lantern…" the brainwashed former yellow corps leader said evenly.
Hal's eye twitched; "After the day I've had, I'm tempted to take you up on that…" the former lantern moaned, rolling his eyes.
Hal shook his head and looked his greatest opponent in the eye; "Sinestro, in all honesty, do you miss your old life, leading your corps?"
The red skinned man shrugged, "Somewhat. But those days are behind me. Now I've embraced the light of the Indigo tribe." He proclaimed, throwing his arms out and displaying his tattooed chest.
"I see…" Hal nodded, leading his former friend/ enemy by the arm. He threw open the closet, revealing a horrified, petrified, and very naked Soranik. Hal unceremoniously shoved his former corpsman inside the closet with his daughter.
Smiling faintly, Hal waited beside the door.
Another knock.
Hal threw open the door, reveling Carol Ferris in full battle mode.
"Where is she?" the star sapphire scowled.
BOOM!
An explosion rocked the apartment complex.
"WHERE ARE YOU JORDAN!-? I'LL RIP YOUR HEART OUT OF YOUR CHEST AND MAKE YOU WATCH AS I BURN IT TO ASHES-!-!-!" the newly reinstated yellow lantern howled as he blasted down the closet door.
Heroes suddenly popped out of the wood work, Kyle Rayner flew out of the bedroom, Batman came through the window, Lady Blackhawk and Huntress exited the kitchen, each wearing nothing more than a layer of cake. All the while, Soranik stood in the middle of the fracas, buck naked and absolutely stupefied.
"Don't worry, I've taken care of everything!" Hal smirked.
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