Disclaimer: The characters in this story are not mine and they belong to Shonda Rhimes and producers of Grey's Anatomy

A/N - Dotted lines indicates character perspective change

A/N -Co written with Providence26

Chapter Seven

I had decided to visit Meredith in her hospital room, she was the only one I could talk to without people acting weirdly, as though I was some criminal. I see the looks everyone is giving me as I pass by, I thought the looks I got as a lesbian and an amputee were bad enough, but when you cheat on one of the most compassionate and favorite doctors, you're a social pariah.

"Arizona? Are you okay?"

"Um, yeah. Look, I know we aren't really friends or anything, but I just wanted to see if you had heard from Cristina?"

Meredith gives me a long measured look, as if she is trying to decide how much to tell me.

"Not so far, but I wasn't expecting to so soon."

"You can tell me Meredith, I won't mention that we spoke. I just need to know they're okay."

"Honestly, I haven't heard. I would tell you if I had had some news. They'll be okay."

At this I slump into the chair next to her bed, "I have sent Callie dozens of messages, her phone is always off, I don't know what to do. I can't lose her, we can't be over. I need her."

Meredith just puts her hand over mine and says, "Give her some time. Maybe with time and space she'll come back to you. In the meantime, get some professional help, sort yourself out so that you are ready for her if you do get another chance."

"And if she doesn't come back?"

Meredith just gives me a half smile and a shrug, patting me on the hand.

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"Callie, this is our sixth museum, I am tired of them now."

"Fine, let's get dinner then some shopping, if we pack up the room tonight and get an early start to Cawker, we'll stay the night there and check out the largest balls of twine. After we rest up there we can head to Mount Rushmore."

"Now that is one place I have always wanted to see."

"So we have a plan, I will get the car packed with what we don't need and we can leave after breakfast."

Cristina was finally driving as I opened my ipad and started playing Candy Crush. My email popped up, I clicked on the icon, yet again it was Arizona. The subject line said Please open this Calliope, please.

I saw I also had one from the realtor with some attachments about the house we are looking for. Two out of the six really piqued my interest. I started telling Cris about them, she was excited to see the pictures once we pulled over for a break. Sofia was babbling and playing with her steering wheel. We made it to Kansas, to the biggest ball of twine there was really nothing else to do so we decided since it was a long drive to get a hotel to let Sofia play while we chill out. I told Cris I would like to leave earlier than normal to get to Mount Rushmore, since we really just want to see the carved mountain we should break there have lunch and then start driving to the Mall of America for a few days.

"Yippee," Cris said, while I was laughing, knowing she would hate it but tolerate it for me.

"Hey, you never know you might find something you like."

"Your turn to drive, we only have about another two hours before we get to Rushmore."

We gave Sofia a break from the car to run around after we filled up the gas tank, grabbed a few snacks and drinks for the journey. I saw Cris out of the corner of my eye playing on her ipad, downloading her pictures as she was setting them up.

"Don't worry Torres, I plan on putting them on an USB stick for you so you have them, I see you looking."

"Thanks."

I finally pulled into a parking space at Mount Rushmore, I was excited to go to the top to get a view of the carved presidents, I have always enjoyed history. Cris grabbed the stroller, some drinks and snacks for us to have some lunch at the top. We took a lot of pictures of us with Sofia. It was funny to see Cris in awe of something other than surgery. So far, here and the Hoover Dam are the highlights of our trip.

"Callie, you ready to go? We have been here a day and we have at least eight hours to the Mall of America. Let's go Sofia, we are going to a fun place for you cutie pie."

I watched Sofia with Cris and their interactions together. Sofia was hugging Cris then gave her a sloppy kiss on the cheek just as I snapped a picture.

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I jerk awake, it takes me a moment to identify what startled me awake, it was just my phone dropping out of my hand. It barely leaves my hand these days. I need it close in case Callie answers me.

I barely sleep or eat. I don't know what to do anymore. I thought Callie would always be there. I relied on that. Even in the moments when I was so horrible to her I cannot bare to remember them. Perhaps, especially in those moments.

I have booked a therapy session for tomorrow afternoon. Meredith has convinced me that it is the only way I can get them back. Anything else is unthinkable.

We finally made it to the Mall of America. it took us ten hours due to Sofia's crankiness, Cris and I are just as tired of the car too. What a journey it has been this far, I told Cris I wanted to upgrade to a larger room with a kitchenette for the few days we are here. We need some extra comfort with enough play area for Sofia. I need to make us a home cooked meal instead of restaurants and fast food stops. I can see this trip is taking its toll on all of us. We still are so far away from New York.

I saw Cris walking back to the car telling me she got the biggest room they had with kitchenette, living room and even a Jacuzzi for me too. I smile a big bright smile and thanked her. Once we were in the room, Sofia was excited to have the TV with her beloved Dora on it while I unpacked some clothes for us. Cris ran to the store with a list I gave her for dinner and breakfast items with a few extra toys for Sofia to have. I did some research on the Mall of America and decided we should take tomorrow to just be lazy, then go there with the amusement park and shopping. I told Yang to get some booze so she could drink tonight to unwind while I show her the pictures of the houses the realtor sent me. I haven't deleted the email from Arizona but I haven't read it either. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. I was feeling guilty, wishing she was here seeing what we have been seeing, I know Cris catches me feeling guilty and she always talks to me, it's nice because she doesn't tell me not to feel guilty either or to hate Arizona. I find myself sometimes wishing that she had never approached me in that bathroom, other times I wish she had never returned from Africa, I hate myself for that. I hate that I miss my wife, or should I say, soon to be ex-wife, I never, ever thought I would be here in my life. It felt good, writing down how I am feeling, it has helped me.

I heard Cris return with the groceries, I jumped up to help her with putting it all away.

It was a little after one in the afternoon, Sofia has fallen asleep on couch. She looks so peaceful, not doing the tossing and turning that she has been doing recently. We went to sit on the balcony to enjoy the sunshine when Cris resumed her account of the crash, "It was the third night in the woods, it was so cold Callie, our fire went out, it was raining, pitch black dark outside, then we heard the wolves down by Lexie. Meredith and I tried to scare them away, but we were unsuccessful and scared they would come near us. We were defenseless against them, we were all terrified. Arizona started to have hallucinations, saying she was seeing you, that you were on your way, Mark was losing consciousness Derek was already unconscious. The next morning Meredith was crying over the wolves eating Lexie, it was a horrible sound. I try so hard to never think of it. We failed Lexie, Callie. We all failed our friend. I stayed awake for the four days, I was afraid if I slept we would all die."

We were both crying as I listen to Cristina finish her story.

"When I heard the helicopter, Meredith and I were screaming, I know they couldn't hear us but they knew we were there, then they dropped a rope and a guy propelled down to us. It was a medic with some supplies, about an hour later other people showed up on foot. We got your wife done first, she was the worst off. I honestly didn't think she would survive, but she fought for you, Cal, she fought hard. Once we were all at the hospital I wouldn't talk, but I saw Bailey, I heard her with Owen, they were fighting with the doctors there over amputating Arizona's leg, who was alert enough to tell them no, she wanted you. So Owen and Bailey fought her battle for her. They had to drug us all for the trip back, especially Arizona, she completely freaked out when they told her she had to fly back. She cried because you didn't come. Once we got to our hospital, I saw your face, I just couldn't speak, I was still scared to fall asleep. When I was in my room I was so fucking angry that they allowed the interns to stand there at my room's window and talk about us, that is why I threw the vase. I think it was at the glass. Whatever happened to privacy?"

I heard Cris take a deep breath, she started sobbing and was hyperventilating, I jumped up and pulled her into my arms while she cried. Once she stopped I let go, stood up to go get her a shot of tequila and some tissues, never saying a word, just trying to silently support her.

We took the day off from doing anything, Cristina definitely drank her body weight last night. I tried to keep Sofia quiet during breakfast so she could sleep in. I made sure to leave aspirin and a glass of water next to her bed to help with the hangover. I was sitting at the dining table with Sofia while she and I ate thinking about everything I was told about the crash and everything they have been through. I couldn't even imagine the extent of the horror they went through, a chill ran up and down my spine just thinking about it. I didn't realize that my eyes were filling up with tears until Sofia said, "Mommy crying."

"Oh Sofia, I'm sorry baby girl, Mommy was having some memories, Mommy is okay."

I was finishing my coffee while Sofia was playing, my heart was broken for Arizona, for what she endured. If I only didn't fucking promise to save her leg would I still be here? She counted on me and I have done nothing but let her down. I had a plan but she crashed, I loved her too much to let her go, maybe it is me that is the selfish bitch? I didn't want to dwell on all this right now, but it has given me something to think more about. I dressed myself and Sofia to go for a walk outside for some fresh air. I found a play room in the hotel for Sofia, we stayed there until lunch. When we got back to the room I saw Cris was awake, sitting on the balcony with an empty coffee cup.

"Hey, would you like some lunch? We're about to have some."

"I would love something to eat Torres, thanks."

"How about a chicken salad?"

"Sure."

After eating Sofia was ready for her nap, I grabbed my laptop to check my emails. I heard Cris say she checked hers before we got back, she saw I had several from Arizona.

"Did you read them?" She asked.

"No."

"Are you going to?"

"I don't know, I didn't delete them yet."

"Well, she has sent me several too and I haven't opened them either, I am afraid of what I might find with the rage I know I left her in. You know Callie, now that I have finally told you everything that happened in the woods, that was the first time I ever told the whole story. I didn't realize how much I have shut out myself, so thank you for listening and never interrupting with a lot of questions. I know you might have some and I am willing to answer anything in order for both of us to heal. I do want you to tell me everything you went through when you found out our plane went missing. I have never heard anyone's version since I chose to block it all out. I know Meredith and Derek don't know this either."

"I will Cris, can it wait just a little?"

"Sure, Callie, I just want you to know, I need to know how it was handled here too, I need to understand too, so I can put this to rest myself."

"Alright, I will tell you later, I need to process, Cris, I need to find a way to put it in perspective for myself." I decide to change the subject. "I am thinking about a steak dinner tonight here in the room, then tomorrow we go to the Mall for the day, do some shopping with some rides for Sofia to play, after a full day we come back here to rest up. Then leave early in the morning for Madison, head to cheese state for a stop then head to Chicago, get a room there. There is nothing I want to do in Chicago, I really want to go to the Rock 'n' Roll Hall of Fame in Ohio, spend a day or two there then go straight to New York. Is there is any place you want to go or stop? "

"No, not really. I am looking forward to getting to New York and start working, you know me, Torres, eager to cut. But I am enjoying this trip even though I have found it emotional and you know I hate emotional!"

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I was sat on my sofa with a glass of wine, I was trying to make it last, the last thing I wanted was to be too drunk to answer if Callie called, but I needed a little to take the edge off.

I had had my first therapy session this afternoon. The therapist wanted me to start back at the beginning, with my childhood, before getting to current events.

I have double sessions for the duration of my suspension, if the rest of the sessions are as emotionally draining as today's then I am going to have to find a better outlet than alcohol or sex to cope.