Chapter 7: Disturbing Memories

Yuno was walking home from school, it was late afternoon, she had to quickly finish her homework so she could go see Yukki. She sighed, what was the point in going to school? She already had a future living with Yukki as a god.

But, she couldn't disappoint her parents, they wanted her to have a bright future, and she couldn't tell them about everything that had happened. Still, her relationship with them was very important to her, especially now that she knew what life had been like without them. Although she did wish that they would be less strict. Her mother still monitored her grades vigilantly and maintained a curfew.

Fortunately, she hadn't put Yuno in the cage in two years, ever since Yukki had come to this world and changed the future.

She was incredibly grateful to him for that, without Yukki, she would have ended up killing her parents. So many of the people around her would have met terrible fates: all the diary users and her current friends would have faced death.

She checked the time, it was 3:30 in the afternoon. At least five hours until she would be able to see Yukki tonight.

Strange, there was someone waiting in front of her house.

"Yukki!" Yuno ran quickly. It was Yukki waiting for her! He's such a great boyfriend.

She hugged him and Yukiteru nearly fell back from the force. He laughed as he regained his balance. "Whoa, whoa. I'm happy to see you too, Yuno."

Yuno laughed along with him. Her day already brightening thanks to his presence.

"How come you're here? I thought we wouldn't see each other till tonight?"

"I thought it would be a nice surprise," said Yuki. "Also, I wanted to ask you some things."

"What is it Yukki?"

"Well, let's go inside first. I don't want anyone to come along and mistake me for this world's Yukiteru."

She nodded. "Yeah, you're right."

As they went inside, they went up to Yuno's room. Yukiteru and Yuno sat together on her bed.

"Yuno, do you have any memories of where this world's Yukiteru is?" asked Yuki. He phrased his question very carefully. I don't want to make her feel any worse for what she did. We'll move past this and I'll help her become sane again.

"No, Yukki. I'm sorry," replied Yuno. "I don't remember anything."

"Well, do you have any ideas where he might be right now?" asked Yuki.

"Yukki." Yuno had noticed the way he formed his questions. "It's alright, I've accepted that I killed that girl and did something to this world's you. You don't have to spare my feelings." She paused for a bit, thinking of places where she would have hidden this world's Yukki. What would I have done with him anyway? I love this Yukki already.

Yuno sighed. "Honestly, I have no idea. I'm not even sure where I could have put him, there's only a few minutes missing from my memory."

Yuno turned to look at Yukki and suddenly her anger exploded. She hated herself for jeopardizing their love, she hated that she'd lost his trust. She hated that she couldn't trust herself!

"Damn it!" She threw her bag at the door. "I don't understand!"

"What Yuno?"

"Myself! How these memories have changed me! Why I did what I did!" Suddenly, her anger disappeared. Revealing the fear that she'd been covering up. The fear of not being able to trust herself, her own mind. The fear that she would drive Yukki away.

Yukiteru put a hand on her shoulder. "Look Yuno, we don't have to talk about this right now. It'll be alright, the Murmurs are searching for him right now." He knelt down in front of her to meet her eyes. "I forgive you, and I'll help you."

He smiled. "Don't you remember? I promised I wouldn't leave you again, I love you." Yuki kissed her.

Yet even as he did, Yuno couldn't help thinking about how he hadn't made that promise to her. Not really. He'd made it to the other Yuno.

"Why don't you believe me Yuno?" asked Yuki, noticing her worry. "Have I done something wrong?"

"No, no! I believe you Yukki!"

"Liar," said Yukiteru. He wasn't upset, he just wanted to know why she wouldn't believe him, no matter how often he tried to reassure her. "It'll be better for us if we don't keep secrets from each other. You can tell me anything Yuno."

"It's-it's just that . . . I . . . I." Damn it! It's not fair! He's looking at me so intently! I can't lie to him. "Yukki, you don't love me. You just haven't realized it yet." As she said it, she was determined to maintain their relationship even if he tried to leave her. Maybe that was insane, but she didn't care. She wouldn't kidnap him again, she would respect his wishes, but she'd still chase after him. Because she loved him.

"What do you mean? Of course I love you."

"No, let me explain. I understand the differences between me and the girl you fell in love with better than anyone else." She took a deep breath. "She was an incredibly selfish, insane murderer. She thought she was in love with you, but she wasn't. At least . . . not for a very long time. You gave her a future to look forward to after se had accidentally killed her parents. You were her rock, her support, that was the only reason she first developed feelings for you.

"She wanted you all to herself and she would have killed anyone who got in her way. Your mother, father, friends, anyone. She only cared about your happiness as long as you stayed with her. She didn't accept your decision to commit suicide with her, and she would have killed you and been fine with another Yukki in your place. Yet you loved her, you were willing to die for her to give her the happiness that she had so little of.

"I pity her, she had suffered so much and wanted the same thing everyone else did. To be happy, and she thought that you, or rather, a Yukki was the only way."

Tears started to fall down Yuno's cheeks as she remembered. "That night, the night you and I came to this world is the most important night of my life. You saved me and my parents from horrible fates, I remember you, saving me from that cage. Fighting to protect me from the other me."

Yukki noticed something. She's stopped thinking of the other Yuno as a separate person. Even though she says she's different from the first-world Yuno, I don't believe it, and I don't think she fully believes it either. But even if it's true, she's still Yuno, I love her.

"I remember you abandoning your perfect dream-world for me, and telling me that you'd die for me. I remember finally understanding what true love was and realizing that it wasn't the obsession that I previously had for you. I remember sacrificing myself for you the way I would have if I had truly loved you from the beginning, instead of only when you showed me your love at that moment." The memories were almost too powerful for her. "I remember our final kiss, and feeling the happiness that you'd tried so hard to give me.

"So, do you see, Yukki?"

Instead of answering, Yuki held her and kissed her passionately. Words weren't enough to convey how much he loved her. No, words were interfering completely. Yuno was hiding behind them, using them to cover up the much more basic insecurity she felt. He realized it now, she was afraid of him leaving her, she'd always been afraid. No matter what he said, it wouldn't be enough to convince her. So he wouldn't say anything at all.

"Yukki, wait. Stop Yuki." Yuno weakly resisted. She wanted him as well and her resistance slowly withered away. No, Yukki, please understand! I'll make you love me, the real me! So don't do this right now-

Suddenly, Yuno saw an image. No, not an image, a thought. A thought and she wasn't just seeing it, she felt it as well. It was a thought, suffused with love, for her. What was going on? Then, she felt Yukki's presence, not only the physical presence of his body, but also his presence in her mind.

Another thought entered her mind, but it wasn't her own. You don't have to make me love you, Yuno. Here, look.

Yukki? How?

She heard him laughing and sensed his amusement. Have you forgotten? We're gods.

Suddenly, she experienced more of Yukki's sensations: His memories of the time he'd spent with her, from their first date at the amusement park to her death. The memories and love he felt for the first world's Yuno.

Then, came the moment she'd first went to the second world to see him. The surprise and joy he felt, and as his memories approached the present, she saw. He had been aware of the differences between her and her first-world self but still loved each Yuno, even the second world's Yuno, who'd been killed before he could get to truly know her.

See? He wasn't really communicating in words; it was more like a vague, general question. He was asking her: See my love for you? See how unimportant these differences are? Do you see?

Understanding dawned on Yuno, and the insecurity she'd felt, which had plagued her for so long had been cured.

I see, Yukki.

Good. Then, can you show me?

Yuno understood, he wanted a deeper understanding of her too. She wouldn't hide anything from him anymore.

Now Yukiteru was the one seeing through another's eyes. First, he felt the suffering she'd endured from her parents. The common thread among all the Yunos. Then, came the memories when they first met, when she'd promised to be his bride. The joy she felt at his acceptance and the beginning of her insane obsession with him. At first, he'd assumed that these were the memories of the second world, but as he went through more memories, he realized that they were of the first world.

It was odd, seeing how oddly similar it was to his own. Although, that Yuki hadn't known about the dead bodies, and had fallen in love with Yuno more readily. Her resulting joy was almost overwhelming, but accompanied by her insanity.

Then, came his suicide, and Yuno's plan to become God and bring him back to life. Her despair at the failure was almost unbearable, yet he had to endure it. Yuno withstood it, so Yuki had to in order to understand her.

He experienced her entering the second world.

Oh my God. Yukiteru's mind recoiled at this experience.

She had been on the verge of losing her mind as she killed her other self. Some stability returned thanks to her relief from being able to be with him again. It was difficult for Yuki to see this, he loved Yuno, every Yuno.

I wasn't worth this.

Yuno immediately countered him. No, Yukki, you are. You're the most precious thing in the world to me.

I . . . I know that. But-

There's more Yukki, keep watching.

The first-world Yuno's mind had stayed stable thanks to the memory removal Murmur One had given her. Memory tampering was a solution she constantly used. She had used it when he'd discovered the dead bodies and when Akise had confronted her about the third body.

He experienced and now he truly understood her perspective on events they'd both gone through.

He experienced Yuno's death. By that point, her love for him had been free of insanity and selfishness. Her joy nearly overwhelmed him again, and this time it was pure. As were her wish to stay with him like this forever and her regret for the pain she had inflicted.

Finally, Yuno gave him her memories of this world. She had been barely conscious when he'd freed her from the cage while the first world Yuno tried to kill her. Her confusion was evident.

After that, she'd led a normal, happy life. Yukiteru was so happy that she'd been able to have one. The only thing wrong had been the empty feeling she had mentioned before. It was powerful, much more powerful than he'd thought. As was her desire to find him. He continued watching until she reached the present, and he examined the suppression of her memory.

He understood now.

He understood where her insecurities came from. In part, it was due to him, his fear and suspicion of Yuno had kept her frightened of him leaving her. Although the lack of stability in Yuno's mental state amplified it immensely. And traces of it had been present until now.

Yuki realized something else. Yuno couldn't have killed Wakaba-san. He doubted Yuno would have gone that far even at her most insane. While this Yuno still had some issues, they weren't as dramatic as Murmur One had led him to believe. He and Yuno could solve them together, especially now that they could do this.

As he left her mind, Yuno cried out.

"Wait, Yukki! Don't leave yet." The warmth of his mental presence was gone. She felt like someone had placed a warm fire near her in the middle of a blizzard and then extinguished it.

He shook his head, he felt the same way, but it was necessary. "I can't, the Murmurs said it could be dangerous if we did that for too long. Look at the time."

Yuno looked at her bedside clock. 17:27, almost two hours had passed since they'd entered her room!

How? She suddenly realized she'd only framed the question mentally; she would need to start speaking again. "How is that possible Yukki? I'm sure that it hasn't been that long."

"That's one of the dangers. We start to lose track of time pretty quickly. But that's not important right now. Yuno, I don't think you killed Wakaba-san."

She blinked in surprise. "Yukki, I'm happy that you think that, but we both know that it had to have been me."

"No Yuno, it wasn't! What we've just done has shown me that. Also, something's very off about her murder."

"What's off about it? And how has our . . ." Yuno struggled to find the words to describe what had just happened "experience shown you it wasn't me?"

"Look, when we arrived at the scene, the police had already searched the area for clues. So how could they have missed a lock of your hair?"

Yuno thought about is very strange. They'd even had markers on the blood patterns there, how could they have missed a lock of hair?

"Yukki, do you think someone planted it there?"

He shook his head "I don't know Yuno. But that's not the only strange thing about her death: You're smart, way too smart to kill Wakaba-san and make it so obvious."

Yuno blushed at the compliment, even in its bizarre context. Yukki's exaggerating, it's not like I'm a genius or anything.

"Think about it. If you had killed her and erased your memory at the time she died, it looks like you did it! You don't want to be caught for killing her, you wouldn't risk me leaving you."

After a short pause, Yuno answered. "But Yukki, if it wasn't me, then how do you explain my memory loss? How do you explain my hair being at the scene? Someone would have had to erase my memory, kill Wakaba, and plant my hair at the scene so you would find it instead of the police. More than that, they'd also have to plan it so that it would happen when we weren't together.

"Who could have done that? And what motive would they have? Look, I'm really happy that you don't want to believe it was me, but it was." It hurt to disillusion him, to make him think badly of her, but he deserved the truth. "Yes, it's weird that the police missed my hair, but that could just be a mistake on their part."

"No, our experience has made me sure of this. You only felt discomfort at seeing the other Yuki with Wakaba-san, and you don't have any memories of resentment or jealousy towards her. There weren't any missing gaps, so there's no way you could have erased them."

Yukki reached over and put his hand on her cheek, looking at her in a strange way, as if he were seeing her for the first time.

"Also, you're not insane. You wouldn't have killed her even if you'd felt jealous."

"But-

"Hold on a second, listen. You didn't have the motivation to kill her. Even if you had, you aren't stupid, you wouldn't have made it so obvious that it was you."

"It looks like the thorough police examination of the scene missed a lock of your hair. But they didn't miss it, someone probably planted it there, like you said, to make me think that the murderer was you."

Yuno was starting to believe him. Things were starting to add up. Still, some parts didn't fit. "What about my memory wipe? Who could have arranged that? Why would they want to anyway? The only result of that was the damage to our relationship."

"Not only that, this world's Yukiteru is missing. Maybe the killer arranged this murder to kidnap him and shift the blame on you so we wouldn't suspect anyone else. I don't know who would want to do that, or even could do everything necessary to make that happen. But don't you see, Yuno?"

Yuno still had a few doubts about his theory. "I . . . guess so, Yukki. This whole incident is strange. Let's try to figure out who the actual killer might be, if it isn't me."

She thought carefully about any possible suspects. Who could have done it? Who has the power to erase my memory and knew to do it when Yukki would meet his parents? My last memory before the missing ones is leaving the Cathedral, and Yukki's right, I don't feel jealous or angry at all.

Why would they want to do it anyway? Who wants to kidnap this world's Yukki and blame that girl's death on me? They'd have to know how I feel about Yukki and that it might have been something I'd have done a long time ago.

After some thinking, she had it. Of course, the only person who could conceivably fit all those characteristics.

"Murmur One."

Yukiteru frowned in confusion. It seemed like he hadn't gotten very far in figuring it out. "What about her?"

"She's the only other person I can think of who could be the murderer."

Yukki nearly fell off the bed in surprise. Almost making Yuno laugh out loud. He's so cute.

"What?! Murmur One?"

"She could have erased my memories without my consent. She knew about your visit to your parents and how you wouldn't be able to account for me during then.

"But what separates her from the other two Murmurs is that she's the only one who could possibly have a motive."

"Come on, Yuno. This seems a bit far-fetched, I mean, Murmur One?"

"I know, but consider this. She spent years imprisoned with my memories, you know how painful and insane they are. They probably affected her very badly."

"Murmur One said something very similar about you," said Yuki. But she was wrong, Yuno isn't as disturbed as she said. Was . . . was she trying to keep the blame on Yuno? Did she also suggest the complete memory wipe only to make sure I wouldn't find anything out?

Murmur One had also told me that making my Yuno diary would make Yuno feel uncomfortable, but that wasn't how she reacted at all. She understands Yuno really well, so she shouldn't have been wrong about that. Was Murmur One going to blame something else on Yuno? God damn it, it fits too well now that I think about it.

"You're right, Yuno. Tonight we'll talk to the other Murmurs and see what they think. Then, we'll confront Murmur One."

Suddenly, a woman's voice came from outside the house. "Yuno? Are you home?"

"Yeah, Mom!" Yuno turned to Yukki. "Quick Yukki, go to the Cathedral. There's no way she'd let me have a boy at home!" Not only that! She might mistake him for this world's Yukki. She might have heard that he's missing. She sighed inwardly. Yukki makes my mind go in strange places, why would I worry about my parent's reaction to him when they might know his third world self is missing?

"Alright, Yuno. Bye!" He gave her a quick kiss on her lips. "Love you!" Then he disappeared.

After he left, Yuno tried to calm her heartbeat and lower the blood rushing to her cheeks. Surprised, yet strangely happy at the fact that she still reacted to him this way.

The longest chapter in the entire fanfic so far, I hope you guys enjoyed it, I put a lot of effort into it.

I guess you can consider this my Christmas gift to you, if you happen to be reading this today.

Anyway, Review, Follow, and Favorite please and thanks to those of you who already have!

The next chapter will be out next year.