~The Daily Crab~
Anywhere nice absolutely teeming with arseholes
20-Aug-2013
ALL the picturesque parts of the world are now full of utter dickbags, it has emerged.
The increasing popularity of the pirate lifestyle has resulted in an exodus of all the worlds' unpleasant weirdoes travelling and settling everywhere there is land, figures explain. Experts confirmed that intolerable idiots could no longer be avoided in even the most remote places.
Professor Clover of the Tree of Knowledge said: "Thanks to advances in ship technology and people who have a desire to be morons, anywhere with grass and birds or a picturesque viewpoint within a 400-mile radius of the sea is almost entirely populated by dreadful people who just want to you to not have nice things."
"It is known that some pirates can actually be very pleasant and civilised but where these types of pirates have settled down, power hungry arsehole Marines have moved in instead. Your normal everyday citizen can no longer escape these ghastly people."
41-year-old Warlord of the Sea Donquixote Doflamingo said: "Thanks to my devil fruit abilities and a team of oppressed minions I can now do all my evil work from a lovely country cottage that has a swimming pool, while also writing Sunday supplement pieces about making feather coats."
New blacksmith "Axe-hand" Morgan, recently moved to Cocoyashi Village in the Conomi Islands: "I am a massive tool and was worried the move from the Marine fortress in Shells Town might cut me off from similarly loathsome people."
"Turns out this village is an absolute arsehole jamboree. It has been raided by so many self-absorbed morons that I feel right at home."
"I'm determined to do an honest job now but it's nice to know that there are similar minded people to myself here who I can go to the pub with."
