The sun has been in the sky for hours, so it was obvious that it was nearly noon. The heavy clouds blocked the yellow circle, promising rain. Maddie sighs, packing up the clean pots and pans into her backpack.
Negan has been out of it longer than her. She decided to eat breakfast without him, choosing against waking him up. But once he was, he disappeared.
Typical alcoholic. She remembers him casting her a glance and then leaving. Not a single word was uttered. She did not want to talk to him while he spent his free time getting drunk. She guesses that he didn't want to speak to her because of his state. Headache, nausea, she did not care what has provoked this kind of behaviour. She knew that this could not go on. However, she did not know how to stop it.
Maddie glances out of the window, seeing no sign of the wandering man. Only empty houses and an occasional walker.
She did not fear because she knew he would come back. Once he does, she will not know what to say to him.
They are supposed to be surviving. It would be different if they had a celebratory drink together from a hard day of work, but it is never enough for him. He has to finish the bottle.
Her backpack is left on the side of the couch as she leaves the room. The house they stayed in is silent, but her fingers still hover over the knife in her belt.
She exits the building, wincing at the cold droplet of rain on her cheek. The trees around the village sway from the wind. For a moment, she thinks about calling out his name, but she is not that stupid.
Maddie takes a deep breath and gets interrupted by a dry cough in her throat. She releases it into her elbow, trying to keep as quiet as possible. Once the lodged lump disappears, it is replaced by a wheezing sound from every breath she takes. Negan was right. She is getting a cold.
After clearing her throat about twenty times, she finally comes into a clearing after all the trees and spots Negan sat by the rocks. There is a small river running past, but it is nothing compared to the one they lived near previously.
She clenches her jaw, practicing her speech in her head. Where have you been? Where were you? You scared me, where did you go?
All versions sound pathetic in her head. She should be yelling at him for drinking. But thinking back to when Negan lost his mind and held her against a wall a day after they met, she discards that idea completely.
Madison walks up to the man, noticing how still his body has become. She reaches out to touch his shoulder, noticing a daisy by his feet. It has been picked and is now rotting into the ground.
Negan glances over his shoulder quickly, sniffing and wiping at his chin, "Good mornin', darlin'."
Maddie steps back, looking anywhere but him. He wipes at his eyes quickly, getting rid of the collected moisture. If he thinks she didn't notice, he is still drunk.
She folds her arms uncomfortably, staring at the ground, "Are you okay?"
It wasn't a question she had been practicing in saying, but it fits the most in this situation.
Negan runs his hand across his face for the second time, erasing any remaining evidence of the fact that he was crying.
"Peachy," he flashes her a grin, "Did you eat?"
"Yes."
"Me too. Are you ready to move out?"
She is taken aback by the change of his emotions. Nevertheless, she nods.
It has been a productive day. They managed to scavenge a whole pile of shit. Cans that will last them for months, a change of clothes (too big for Maddie and too small for Negan), soap. SOAP. Madison even found two reusable sport bottles.
However, no matter how lucky they got today she still can't wipe the image of Negan on the rocks from her head. He was crying. He was definitely crying. But why?
She knows that it is okay to cry from time to time. She has been doing it for weeks. Depression is an issue in this world, which is no surprise, but Negan wouldn't cry because of stress. It wouldn't be so sudden. There must be a build up for someone like him.
Something happened to trigger this. And she does not know what it was. She tries to think back, picking the details of their days, wondering what it is that she is missing. He has always been so strong, lifting her up before she even hit the ground.
"Daisy," he hollers in the empty halls of a new building they entered. She looks up and towards the direction of his voice. It is safe to shout back.
"Yeah?"
"Come have a look at this."
She enters his room, which looks exactly like her room, but grimier and with more newspapers scattered around the floor. This used to be an office. She steps over planks of wood and joins him near the window that overlooks the massive forest. But that is not what he wanted to show her.
"Look at this shit," he fiddles with a small notebook, unclipping the strap and flicking through the pages.
Maddie leans in until her head is grazing his jacket. She feels his breath on her head.
"You like it?" he smirks, receiving a weird look from the girl. It's an A5 notepad that looks way too clean for this world. Pink unicorns are repeated as a pattern on the front cover and all the pages are lined and numbered.
"If I was five, maybe I would," she answers, making it come out as more of a question.
Negan chuckles deeply, shutting the book and laying it on the windowsill, "It's here if you fucking want it."
He turns back to the desk in the room, looking through its drawers. Maddie bites her lip at the silence, words coming out before she has a chance to think about them.
"Why were you crying this morning?"
Negan looks up at her, the smirk faltering, "I had too much to drink."
"And you were crying about it?" she challenges. He releases a laugh, sitting down in a leather office chair at the desk.
"Would that make me look like a pussy?"
"Yes," she says slowly, "But I know that wasn't the reason."
"Drop it."
"No, I want to know why-"
He slams his hand on the desk, making her jump. Her heart picks up the pace, quivering slightly. She knows his limits. And she knows when not to push.
"I said drop it, Madison."
She feels a hot flush up her neck. This is the first time he has used her full name.
She turns back around to face the window, feeling like a scolded child. Clearly, this is a line she will never be able to cross. There is a war inside of his head, and then worst thing is that she cannot help him. She knows nothing. And every time she gets close, he pushes her away… which is fine. If he doesn't want to talk about the past, she won't force him. He would do the same if this was her.
A gnawing feeling crosses her stomach. Her curiosity will be the death of her.
She watches the road out of the window, eyes skimming over the abandoned cars and overturned buses. Some of them are completely black, signifying that at some point there was a fire or an explosion. The trees sway more violently than they did in the morning. The wind has picked up. Maddie watches splatters of rain land on the window.
In the silence, her coughing is the only sound to focus on. Negan does not comment on it.
She sees a walker rising above the road in the distance. She leans in, pressing her forehead to the window. One walker, two walkers, three walkers…
In two minutes, there is a herd. And it's coming directly towards them.
"Negan," she turns, catching him by surprise. He still has a scowl on his face, "A herd."
That seems to make it disappear.
He gets up and stands next to her, clenching his jaw. She doesn't talk or ask any questions. She allows him to think. Maybe talking is her problem.
He sighs deeply, keeping his eyes on the road that is now nearly invisible due to the approaching stampede.
"Keep quiet. They'll pass," he answers calmly, disappearing from their view.
"Are you sure?" Maddie bites her lip. They make eyes contact and he nods, concern overthrowing anger in his orbs.
"We're on the second floor," he explains, "If we keep quiet, they'll just continue down the road."
Maddie nods, peeking out from her cover.
The groaning and moaning of the herd intensifies as they get closer to the building. She leans against the wall, glancing at Negan for any instructions. Just like her, he is staring at the mob. A lump in his throat bulges.
Sudden gunfire makes them both jolt. They look at each other, panicked. And in unison, they look at the road.
A group of about fifteen people, all men, all confident, march onto the road, shredding the walkers with machine guns.
Briefly, Maddie thinks that it's the army, or exterminators of some sort. They yell and wave directions at each other, pointing to the window she is looking out of. She jumps back just in time, hoping they did not see her. They were probably just gesturing to the building.
"Fuck," Negan whispers, "Fucking fuck."
When she looks back at the road, a quarter of the herd is lifeless on the ground, splattered on the pavement. The gunfire has stopped, but now the group are running towards the building. She hears someone yell 'Up there' and 'hurry'.
Her heartbeat threatens to break her ribs. They do not look friendly. One of the men has a blood-soaked machete. Another one has a rifle slung over his shoulder. They both exchange a laugh and continue towards the building. They could be good. But they also couldn't. And coming up to them and reasoning does not sit well with her.
Negan seems to think the same. If things go wrong, they outnumber them.
There are heavy footsteps below them. A thud and clatter.
"Check this out!" One of them whistles. Somehow Maddie knows that they have found the tower of cans her and Negan scavenged earlier.
"Jackpot!" a deeper voice, "Pack this up!"
"Check upstairs! This place could be loaded!"
More running footsteps.
Her backpack is in the room next to them. Her diary is in it.
Before she has a chance to act, Negan grabs her arm and shoves her through the nearest door. He closes it behind them quietly and starts sneaking towards another room, as far away from the group as possible.
Maddie follows, concealing her quiet cough as they cross into another room. They all look the same around here. This could have been an office building.
"Take a load of this!" one of the men bellows. The next gunshot is way too close. It was a careless bullet. They clearly have a shitload of ammo.
Negan ushers them into a closet when there is no other way to go. He shuts it, and thankfully it stays shut. The only light now is the slit under the door.
Maddie finds the urge to cough, but before she can even consider letting out a quiet one, Negan's gloved hand slams against her mouth.
She holds her breath, throat itching after every inhale. Negan leans in closer, putting his mouth to her ear.
"Stay quiet."
She nods slowly and closes her eyes.
Her eyes start to water as she coughs against his palm. He squeezes his fingers around her cheeks, knowing that this is something that cannot be concealed. His other hand goes down to tug the knife out of his belt.
More footsteps. Closer and closer.
She looks down and sees a shadow behind the door.
There is a conversation. There are three men. More footsteps. Four.
In the dark, Negan's eyes meet hers.
There is a roar of a truck engine outside. They are putting down walkers. They have the ammo and they have the people and they have cars.
"You hear that, Dave?"
"Hear what, you prick," the second voice sounds bored.
"Save your bickering for the honeymoon," a laugh.
"He's been hearing things all day."
"I swear I heard something!"
"Shut your fucking mouth and get these supplies to the truck!"
Silence.
Maddie tries to hold her breath as this would not provoke her raging cough. Negan does the same, but for other reasons.
"Hurry up, we don't have all day," one voice leaves the room. Footsteps follow it.
Now there are two people.
Maddie coughs and gasps against Negan's hand, instantly buying them a ticket to capture. Negan watches her face, not angry… just scared.
"Okay, I definitely heard that!" the man shouts, "It sounds like…"
"Shut it!" the other man bites back. Silence follows. She grabs her knife, nodding at Negan.
Two shadows appear in the slit under the door. The door handle moves. And then Negan kicks it open.
The light blinds Maddie for a moment, but she can make out a shape of a person on her left. She lunges towards them, sinking her knife into a soft spot in their neck. The body thuds.
There is so much noise downstairs that she doubts others will notice.
The man gags, shooting blood out of his mouth. He has brown eyes that fail to make sense of the situation. Madison looks over the tattoos on his bald head and stabs him again. The last blow. He goes still and his eyes glaze over.
She crouches down, grabbing his rifle like a child grabbing presents at Christmas from underneath the tree. It's in exquisite shape. She slings it over her shoulder, hands shaking as they swap her rusty knife for the machete. She allows herself to cough amongst the noise of the trucks outside.
"Hey, dicks! Hurry up in there!" somebody shouts towards the room. Time to move.
She stands up and looks at Negan. The second man lies at his feet, blood creating a puddle underneath his head. Negan holds the newly acquired shotgun in his hands. He gives Maddie a nod, eyes conveying the look of surprise. Maybe he underestimated her. Maybe he didn't think she was capable of something like this, especially because he had to save her ass when she was almost slaughtered by that other group.
"Come on," he whispers, stepping over the bodies.
Adrenaline rushes through her. This is a big win. Two guns.
She follows Negan through the hallway she recognises. The voices around them never falter. They didn't even notice that two of their men have been killed.
Maddie remembers the backpack she left behind. She is not leaving without it.
She nudges Negan in front of her and manages to get his attention.
"Bag," she mouths.
"Fuck," he replies, "Okay."
Thankfully, the room is empty and her bag is still where she left it. Quickly, she tosses it over her shoulder, picking up the unicorn notebook on her way back.
