Chapter Seven


"Your favorite person in the world has returned," Kevin announced with open arms as he strode into the living room, where Connor was sitting on a mat doing some Pilates stretches. Kevin had just gotten back from his daily cross-country training regimen for the summer (which he approached with the same over-competitive drive he applied to nearly everything else in his life), and he was wearing a truly obscene pair of running shorts that Connor had always found terribly, terribly distracting. Though now that they were dating, Connor supposed that he didn't have to keep resisting the urge to sneak glances at Kevin's legs. As well as most other obnoxiously gorgeous parts of him.

"More like my third favorite person," Connor replied, leaning back on his hands (and trying not to stare too obviously).

"Oh, really? Who outranks me?" Kevin demanded, pulling out his earphones.

"My sister, and Gene Kelly."

"Pfft. I'll allow your sister, but not the non-living."

"Sorry, but until you pull off an iconic tap dance routine in the rain while sick with a 103-degree fever, your position isn't changing," said Connor, sticking out his chin defiantly.

"Well, I don't know about tap, but I'll have you know that I have been working on my hip-hop moves. I don't want to brag, but..." Kevin held out his palms and did what appeared to be a slightly questionable body roll, twist, and glide. "Just like Usher, right?"

Connor laughed and clapped a little. "So you won't be embarrassing me at any more parties, then."

"How dare you. Some people have found my dancing to be very attractive." Kevin rocked his hips from side to side, for emphasis.

"I don't know that it was your dancing that they were attracted to, Kevin," Connor teased, but his cheeks were beginning to get a bit flushed.

"Hm...let's just call a truce and make out," Kevin said, kneeling down and pressing a kiss to the nape of Connor's neck. They fell back against the floor in a blissfully entangled heap, and everything else was forgotten.


The news that Kevin and Connor had started dating didn't seem to come as much of a surprise to most people they knew, and it was becoming increasingly apparent to Kevin that he had been one of the last to be clued in on his own feelings. Kevin got a little annoyed when others figured out important things before he did, particularly when they pertained to himself, so he was somewhat put out by this for a while.

And maybe there wasn't much that dramatically changed about their relationship after all, at least on the surface. They still bickered about the pettiest and most mundane trivialities, which only recently turned into an unspoken game of who could withstand the tension the longest before backing the other person into some isolated area and shedding both their clothes with feverish, reckless abandon. Connor still teased Kevin for being self-obsessed, and Kevin still ribbed Connor about his anal-retentive tendencies, but there was a pronounced undercurrent of affection weaving throughout their interactions that had possibly always been there, just never really defined.

And sometimes in the occasional lulls when neither of them had much energy to expend – when they would just lie contentedly in each other's arms while watching television, or Kevin would rest his head in Connor's lap as Connor read him funny tidbits from magazine articles and strummed his fingers through Kevin's hair – there would then come a certain, quiet sort of clarity. Kevin would think about how, in those moments, he didn't feel like he constantly had to prove himself to anyone, and how the weight of pressure and expectations seemed to ease a little more from his shoulders. And Connor would reflect on the fact that somehow, it wasn't so hard for him to like himself when Kevin was around. It even frightened him a little, how deliriously happy he was.

Of course, finally getting to sleep with Kevin Price, after years of suppressed longing and imagining, made up a good portion of that happiness, too. Their first time together had been a bit nerve-racking, messy, and fraught with amateur-like mistakes, and they had laughed wildly over it afterwards, though it had still been rather wonderful in its own way. Then Kevin admitted that he hadn't had a whole lot of experience with having sex with men, so Connor had ended up taking the reins for a little while, guiding Kevin through the motions and all the places he liked to be touched. (There was a particularly sensitive spot just behind his left ear that made Connor tremble all over and stutter out a gasp whenever Kevin applied his tongue to it, and stroking certain bodily regions induced a rather adorable blush that crept down his neck and burnt luminously against his skin.) Kevin was, as expected, a very fast and enthusiastic learner, not at all chary with his affection. Kevin also noticed that Connor tended to get a lot bossier the more aroused he was, and fuck if Kevin didn't find that a complete turn-on.

After that their sexual exploits rapidly became more adventurous, usually inspired by Connor's extensive (and very detailed) collection of personal fantasies. Kevin was finding it exceedingly difficult to say no to anything Connor asked, especially when Connor did it with such a seductively deep purr and coy tilt of the head – and that fact probably would have been more unsettling, had Kevin not been equally aroused by the filthy depths of Connor's imagination. They even managed to find a very much unsanctioned use for Kevin's old missionary uniform that had been gathering dust in the back of his closet, though Kevin commented that it fit a little tightly now, as he had grown more since then. Connor didn't really seem to mind.

Often times though, they would just simply make love, their thoughts flooded with nothing but the addicting sensation of skin on skin. Connor rather liked the sound of his name when Kevin breathed it hotly into his ear, his voice thick with possessiveness and desire...the feel of Kevin's abs, his back, his shoulders, rising and falling damply beneath Connor's hands as Kevin steadily thrust into him, of Kevin's mouth as it trailed wet lines of kisses along the white arch of Connor's neck and swallowed Connor's frenzied cries of pleasure...and Connor would thrill at how amazingly soft and gentle Kevin's hands were as they traversed the planes of Connor's body, each touch like an affirmation, as if saying, it's okay, to want this. To want me.

And that was such a strange, novel feeling. For the longest time the prospect of sexual gratification, for Connor, had been something that was inextricable from shame and self-loathing, something that he was never supposed to have or want for himself. Even when he had slept with other men and had gotten more comfortable with the idea of it, there had still been a latent guilt residing in the back of his mind that he could never completely shake off, the residue of nearly a decade of repression. There had been times when he'd suddenly wake up in the middle of the night in cold sweat and with a profound sense of dread that he had been unable to fully articulate, and times when he'd just feel like retreating further inside himself whenever anyone attempted to come too close. Sometimes that had created a sort of distance between him and his partners, which a few of them had sensed and commented on, and perhaps it had caused him to come off as emotionally shut-off, without meaning to.

But with Kevin it was different. Maybe because Kevin was the kind of person who, by nature, compelled people to react to him, whether they wanted to or not. Or maybe because Kevin, who had his own checkered history with religious faith, understood him in ways Connor never intended for him to understand, and to a certain degree didn't need to verbalize...and in turn, that meant Connor could understand him back.

And whenever Kevin held Connor in his arms and kissed him, or made love to him, or even just smiled at him with that beautifully incandescent smile, it was then that Connor would truly believe that his feelings weren't wrong. Because in the end, Connor couldn't believe that there could be a God who would fault him for loving someone so much.


In the aftermath, once the post-coital haze had dissipated and left them feeling tired and sticky and sated, they would cuddle lazily under a mass of blankets, or (if they were in Connor's room) while sandwiched between Connor's floral comforter and sequined throw pillows. And those times were pretty nice too, Connor thought, maybe just as good as the sex in some ways. Connor liked to sprawl out on top of Kevin's body, his arms tucked under him as he whispered a stream of soft endearments into Kevin's ear between kisses, and Kevin would always tell Connor how much he loved him, and how beautiful Connor was, as if he could somehow make Connor believe it more through repetition.

Then gradually, in that space of intimate and complete honesty, they would start to talk a little more candidly about themselves, their dreams for the future, and memories of their pasts. The last part would include the wild pranks Kevin and his siblings used to pull on each other during his Mormon years ("This one time during our family home evening, Jack asked me to get him a non-caffeinated Mountain Dew, and I brought him a caffeinated one – trust me, it was hilarious") or the various times Connor had tried dating girls, to generally disastrous results ("She tried to kiss me and I panicked and locked myself in the bathroom for nearly an hour...I think she figured out I was gay though, because we spent the rest of the date listening to her Madonna CDs"). There were some memories that were carefully avoided, however – the "incident" with the Ugandan warlord was still a fairly delicate subject for Kevin, and Connor never liked to talk a lot about his coming out experience with his family. But he would go on at length about the life-changing dancing lessons he took in his youth, and about his "wonderful, adorable" little sister, whom he used to sing and dance with, and whom he seemed to miss very, very much. It felt a little bittersweet, reflecting on those previous times.

"It's kind of funny, in retrospect," Kevin said once, looking off with a distant expression. "Back when I was a teenager I did all the things I was supposed to do – I got my Eagle Scout, became president of my seminary class, received the priesthood, made straight A's, got into BYU...I was even so obsessed with remaining chaste that I never had a steady girlfriend throughout high school. Everyone thought I would go on to accomplish great things within the Mormon religion." He turned his face back towards Connor. "Now I don't know if I'll ever be good enough for them."

"But you're doing what you want now. That is good, right?"

He smiled. "True."

"Anyway, my teenage years were pretty similar," Connor said reminiscently, tracing idle patterns on Kevin's chest. "My whole life practically revolved around the Church, ever since I was born. I was called to be president of deacons and teachers quorum, then first assistant in priests quorum, and finally district leader for my mission...my parents were grooming me to be a bishop someday, like Dad was."

"You were a bishop's son?" Somehow that idea had never occurred to Kevin.

"Yeah. You know the stereotype about preachers' children being prone to misbehaving?" A corner of Connor's mouth turned up slightly. "I guess there may have been some truth to it, after all."

"And now we're both heretics in the eyes of the Church," Kevin declared with a laugh, running a hand up and down Connor's back. "So much for all that work, huh?"

"But in a way, if it weren't for all that, I wouldn't have met you...so maybe it wasn't so bad."

Kevin looked a little touched as Connor moved his head forward to kiss him, and they stayed interlocked in that position for a while longer, their lips close and their hands clasped.


Kevin had finished showering and was toweling off his hair when he saw Connor poring over a stack of leaflets by his computer, looking deeply contemplative. He was also dressed in one of Kevin's college tees, and nothing else. Kevin took a few moments to appreciate the sight of that, before approaching.

"You're applying to college?" he asked, looking over Connor's shoulder. Connor started, and briefly entertained reminding Kevin about the concept of "personal space." But he decided against it when Kevin wrapped his arms around him.

"Considering it, at least. I found an LGBTQ dance scholarship that could theoretically pay for a decent portion of my tuition, if I get it." He tilted his head back to shoot Kevin an amused glance. "I guess I should probably leave out the part about me not even knowing what that term meant several months ago."

"That's fantastic. You're a shoo-in, with your credentials." Kevin leaned down to nuzzle Connor's cheek. Connor let out a small giggle and playfully pushed him away.

"Of course, that doesn't even begin to cover living expenses, costs of textbooks, and so on..."

"We'll figure something out. I'm already getting queasy just thinking about my student loans." Kevin peered closer at the screen. "Wow, are you planning on applying for forty different scholarships?"

"You of all people, Kevin Price, are not allowed to judge me," Connor said, poking his shoulder.

"I'm not judging...just simply in awe."


A little later that week, Kevin received a phone call that took him by surprise. Apparently his parents were going to be in the area for a few days, for vague work-related reasons, and wouldn't it be just wonderful if the three of them could get together and have lunch some time?

Great. And his summer had been going so well, too.

Kevin's relationship with his family, as well as with most of his old Mormon friends, had been strained ever since he had returned home from mission. His excommunication had been a pretty significant contributor to that, but possibly the more damning factor had been his admission that he'd also lost his testimony while in Uganda. The way they all had reacted, one would have thought he had confessed to murdering someone (which Kevin cynically thought might have been an easier sin for them to forgive, in some respects). Eventually his family had resignedly come to terms with Kevin having the right to "exercise his agency" – even if it all but guaranteed him a one-way ticket to hell, was what seemed to be the unstated connotation there – but it didn't stop Kevin from feeling like persona non grata within his former community.

It was clear, though, that his parents were clinging onto the hope that Kevin would one day repent of his godless, hedonistic lifestyle and return to the fold of Mormonism like the proverbial prodigal son, and that was something Kevin resolutely had no intention of doing, as he rather enjoyed his godless, hedonistic lifestyle. Still, he did suffer the occasional pangs of guilt recalling the distraught look on his mother's face when she'd realized that he wasn't going to be part of their eternal family...and if he were honest, there was a very small part of him that almost wished he could believe again, if only just to make things right between them.

To further complicate matters, there was now his relationship with Connor that he was going to have to explain at some point, as well. Kevin wasn't quite sure how he thought his parents would react to that, as same-sex relationships were not something that had often been discussed around the Price household. But like most Mormons, he had been brought up to believe that "same-sex attraction" was wholly unnatural and an egregious sin to act upon – so he supposed "not well" was probably a safe guess.

With those troubled feelings in mind, on the day of their proposed lunch Kevin went out and bought some flowers for his mother, partly as a preemptive peace offering, and some for Connor as well. Connor had always liked it when his boyfriends got him flowers, and became kind of gushingly cute over them.

Lunch took place in a small Mediterranean cafe on the outskirts of town, and as they settled in, Kevin's mother sighed over how tall Kevin was now (and promptly told him to sit up straighter, as his posture had somehow worsened since the last time they'd seen each other).

But aside from a few pointed remarks regarding church matters (which made Kevin wince slightly), and his mother twitching visibly every time Kevin raised his mug of coffee to his lips, the majority of their conversation wasn't all that unpleasant. His father had finally stopped periodically subjecting him to the dreaded "maple donut" look, which Kevin supposed was a breakthrough of some sort. They even raised a few questions concerning his academics, and that led to some brief discussion about his progress in his pre-med courses, as well as his ideas for his senior thesis on HIV/AIDS education and health care accessibility in global communities. His parents nodded politely throughout and made a good enough appearance of being interested at least, though he could tell that the specifics were not exactly enthralling to them.

Then the conversation transitioned, as it generally did, to Kevin's love life (or lack thereof, as far as they were aware). Kevin wouldn't have found this so annoying if it weren't for his parents' persistent, unsubtle attempts to match him up with the latest girl back home, who always just happened to be Mormon. Evidently they still hadn't given up on their dream of Kevin someday having that temple marriage.

"Do you remember Laura Jane, that very lovely girl who used to go to church with us?" (Here we go, thought Kevin as he drained the last of his coffee.) "Well, it turns out she recently got divorced – it's a very sad story, I hear, and rumor has it there was some infidelity involved...but anyhow, I was speaking with her and her family several days ago during our Relief Society meeting, and you know, she did once have quite a thing for you..."

"Thanks, but I'm not looking to be set up with anyone right now, Mom..."

"Jack is seeing a nice young lady now," Mr. Price added. Kevin didn't know how this was meant to be apropos.

"Good for him."

"It does break my heart seeing you all alone," Mrs. Price lamented. "If we can't be together in the celestial kingdom, your father and I would be more at peace knowing that you still have a loving wife and family when we depart from this earth."

Kevin sighed. "Look, Mom, Dad – there's something important I have to tell you that may not make you very happy, since it pretty much goes against your beliefs, and for a while it wasn't something I totally understood, either...but like it or not, it's part of who I am now."

Kevin's parents exchanged concerned looks. "Oh, dear. We suspected this was coming."

"You...did?"

Mr. Price nodded and, leaning forward, said in a very grave voice, "It's a pornography addiction, isn't it?"

"Wait, what?" Kevin exclaimed loudly, causing a few heads to turn in their direction. "No! I mean, there's nothing wrong with...never mind, that wasn't what I was going to tell you."

"Oh, thank goodness." You're not completely beyond saving yet, was what Kevin heard in his mind.

This was going to be more difficult than he'd initially thought. Kevin started pouring himself more coffee, and then said, with some hesitance, "First of all, I'm bi."

"By what, honey?"

"Bisexual. As in, swinging both ways...playing for both teams..." He accentuated his words with little air quotes, which did nothing to clear the blank looks on his parents' faces. "I like men the same way I like women, okay?"

"Oh son...don't worry about it," Mr. Price said, after a pause. "It's probably just a phase – your mother went through the same thing in college."

"I thought we agreed never to talk about that, dear," said Mrs. Price with a smile.

"It's not a phase. I also have a boyfriend now, and it's – well – kind of serious. I really need you to accept that, please."

"Are you sure, sweetie?"

"Very sure."

"I told you something like this would happen if we let him go to California," said Mr. Price to his wife.

"Dad, I was bi before I came here," Kevin said in exasperation. "And I know you guys think it's wrong, and that it's something I can change or just choose not to act on, but it doesn't feel that way to me."

"Now hold on a minute," said Mrs. Price, biting her lip and darting her eyes back and forth between Kevin and her husband. "I guess if this is who you are...maybe...there's nothing so wrong with that."

"You mean that?" Kevin asked, somewhat incredulously. He had expected at least a few hours of arguing and pleading before they got to this point. Kevin's father looked taken aback as well.

"Of course," she said, touching Kevin's hand. "Heavenly Father must have made you this way for a reason, and He never makes mistakes. Even if...perhaps, the Church does, sometimes." She looked around agitatedly, as if she'd just uttered a curse word.

"That's a nice sentiment, Mom," Kevin said, genuinely smiling for the first time that entire conversation. "Although I still don't believe in God, just so we're clear."

"You have your free agency, dear," she responded with a deep sigh, which was about as diplomatic a response Kevin thought he was ever going to get to that. "And I pray for your soul practically every day."

"Well, you'll be happy to hear that my boyfriend is still a good, God-fearing Christian. He even goes to church and everything." Granted, it was a pretty liberal Episcopal church, but Kevin decided he would just leave that detail out for now.

"He sounds like a nice boy, honey. Maybe you should introduce us. Right, dear?"

"I suppose," Mr. Price said reluctantly.

Kevin shrugged. "Yeah...maybe I will."


"You said what?"

"I told them I'd introduce you guys tonight."

Connor dropped the flowers he had been holding. Kevin bent to catch them before they could hit the floor.

"I didn't know we'd reached the meet-the-parents stage of our relationship. I'm not ready for the meet-the-parents stage!"

"I kind of figured we were already long overdue for that stage. We've known each other for how many years now?"

"Yes, but we've only been dating for a few weeks. What am I supposed to say if they ask about getting married, or God forbid, having kids?" Connor's eyes widened in distress.

"Connor, they're still trying to accept that I'm even in a same-sex relationship at all...I don't think you need to worry about fielding any marriage questions."

"Great, so it'll be an evening of your parents silently judging me and wishing that I were a girl. If I wanted that, I could just go to my own family reunions."

Kevin rubbed the sides of Connor's arms in an attempt at calming him down. "They'll like you, relax. Just tell them the story about how you rescued that cute little kitten that was stuck in the sewer grate the other day and they'll fall right in love."

"That is a pretty good story," Connor admitted.

"Besides, they'll probably be too busy scolding me about my sinful reprobate ways to look down on you, anyway," Kevin said, dropping a light kiss on Connor's nose.

Laughing, Connor slipped his hands around Kevin's waist and firmly pressed their bodies together. "Mm, you're so sexy when you're jaded."

"Keep it in your pants until after my parents leave, alright, this is important..."


At dinner Connor seemed to be getting along just fine with his parents, which Kevin thought wasn't that surprising. Connor had always been better at making people like him, not just admire or respect him...maybe because there was a sincerity to Connor's niceness that didn't come as easily to Kevin, who often had to work at it. And unlike Kevin, Connor was more than willing to discuss and joke about old Mormon customs, and he'd even thought to prepare a Jell-O dish for dessert, topped with whipped cream and filled with shredded carrots (which Kevin had privately become sick of eating when he was still LDS, but his parents appeared to appreciate it).

Although a downside that Kevin hadn't anticipated was his mother using Connor as a means to air her grievances about how terrible a son Kevin was.

"...And sometimes Kevin forgets to return my phone calls, even though he promised he would call at least twice a month. You can't imagine how many sleepless nights he used to give me, worrying about whether he had been inducted into some gang, or if he was lying dead in some alleyway overdosed on crack – or whatever horrible substances he's been choosing to poison his body with."

"That is awfully inconsiderate, Mrs. Price," Connor said sympathetically, patting her on the shoulder.

Kevin shot him a dirty look. Traitor.

"You shouldn't grimace so much, dear, it ruins your handsome face. And you used to be such a sweet-looking boy." She sighed, as if it were a tragedy.

"She's right, you know. You did use to look a lot sweeter," Connor said, barely keeping up a straight face.

"Oh, shut up."

"And he never used to talk back, either," Mrs. Price said to Connor, shaking her head.

Kevin dropped his head in his hands and made melodramatically frustrated tearing motions at his hair. Connor smiled half-apologetically and stroked his thigh under the table.


"Hold onto this one, dear," Mrs. Price said to her son confidentially while putting on her coat. "He has a good head on his shoulders, even if he does wear an outrageous amount of pink. And lord only knows how terrified I was that you were going to end up shacking up with some drug-addicted Satan-worshipper, after all your judgment lapses of late."

"Yes, Mom."

"Just know that we still love you, son, even if you are a bi...cyclist now."

"Bisexual, Dad. And thanks."

Just before they departed, Mrs. Price informed Kevin in a cheerful undertone, "I also left a copy of the Book of Mormon on the counter, just in case you boys ever get, you know, prompted by the Spirit again."

"Oh, wonderful."

He shut the door, and immediately went to take out the stores of alcohol he had hidden away.

Connor was lying in a curled up position on his bed when Kevin walked in, ceremoniously uncorking a bottle of merlot. He set it on Connor's nightstand, along with a couple glasses, and flung himself onto the bed with a loud, long-suffering sigh that he'd been holding in all day.

"Well, congratulations, you are now one of the rare parts of my life that my parents actually approve of. I think this calls for a special celebration. Very special, if you get my drift."

"They seemed like nice people," Connor said, smiling.

Kevin laughed and leaned over to kiss him. "That's only because you haven't disappointed them yet."