The biggest hug to Cathey. You are soooo awesome.

I can say that this chapter is written differently than previous chapters because we're completely inside Castle's mind. And he's drunk. I hope it's funny and entertains you :)


It's her big day.

Kate Beckett is going to have a baby.

She has a donor and is being inseminated. Today.

He's not worried at all.

He is not thinking about her one bit.

He is absolutely not thinking about showing up at her doctor's office.

He's having a great time taking all of the mayor's money.

He is not thinking about how he was so close to becoming Kate's donor.

He is also not thinking about how, if she has this baby, he'll never see her again.

He is not thinking about Kate Beckett period. Nope. Nuh-uh. No way.

Kate Beckett is going to have a baby. She's at the doctor's office right now with her donor, about to inseminate so she can have a baby for her father. Then she's going to move away and he'll never see her again or see her beautiful child, and his heart doesn't hurt at the thought of that. Not a bit. He's not thinking about it at all.

There could possibly be phone calls and maybe even visits here and there when she moves, but they most likely won't last. She'll be too busy with her child and her father and her new job. He'll be busy with Alexis and figuring out where the Nikki Heat books will go. It'll never be the same and that's something he's going to have to learn to live with.

If he was thinking about that, he'd already be on his way there. Offering his support because he does support her. That's what friends do right? Support one another.

Wrong.

Wrong, wrong, wrong.

He does not want to be friends. He has plenty of "friends." He wants to be more. So, so much more. And he thinks she may feel the same. Or at least that's the notion his mother got in his head.

"It's in her eyes, Richard." Or whatever nonsense she'd said. Whatever the case, Kate Beckett is a woman who believes in going after what she wants. If he was what she wanted, they'd be together by now. He'd probably be the donor she'd chosen, and hell, they might even be trying to make a baby the old fashioned way.

But alas, life is not that kind. And since he's a good boy, he won't ruin this for her by letting his emotions get the better of him. The last thing he wants to do is cause trouble. He's just having a drink (or five) to settle his nerves and get him through the first heavy part of this storm. The next will be when she leaves and…he doesn't even want to think about it.

Another glass of whiskey goes down the pipe and he laughs as he pulls all the chips from the pot to his pile, kissing them each for promising more money.

"All right Rick, we get it," Judge Markaway grumbles as he pulls out his wallet. "You take credit?"

"Do you always have to win?" Captain Montgomery asks, tossing his cards on the table. The man has been watching him all night, and looked away whenever Castle caught him. He isn't sure why, but if he had to take a wild guess it could have something to do with…hmmm, he doesn't know…Beckett? Probably. The Captain hasn't mentioned her at all which is strange for him. He's always going on and on about his star detective so losing her is a big deal for him.

"It would go against the laws of nature if I didn't."

His phone buzzes next to him; a message from Lanie flashes at him and he chooses to ignore it, knowing it'll make him jealous that she gets to be with Kate and he can't. Dimming his screen, he gets back to counting his chips to collect the money he's owed.

"Same time next week, guys?" His Gotham City Crew doesn't seem too eager to play with him again. Maybe he'll let the mayor win next time, give 'em a boost of self-confidence. With all the poker he's been playing lately, he's been winning a lot of money. He's surprised his buddies haven't quit on him yet.

With everything going on with Beckett she'd told him it was best if he stayed home while she figured everything out. The boys were handling most of the grunt work for whatever bodies she caught. He's allowed back soon though. After the insemination things are going to calm down while she waits for the results of her pregnancy test. It's been so…dry that he's forgotten what he spent his time doing before the precinct.

His phone buzzes again while he's saying his goodbyes. He steadfastly ignores it, instead cleaning up the poker table. He's determined not to be sucked in by Lanie and her teasing. He gets another drink, doesn't think about Beckett while he throws it back.

He should get some writing done. Gina has been on his ass for an outline of the second Nikki Heat book for weeks. He's started it, but he's not sure the character is developed enough for a full outline. He wants to say something new, something different. She isn't the same woman, detective, or girlfriend (ish) that she was in the first book. Nikki needs more depth now that there's a second book and Castle's not sure he knows enough about her character to make stuff up or take guesses because Castle's not sure he has her completely figured out.

After another quick sip of whiskey, he checks his messages. The first is a picture with the caption, "you should be here."

It's Kate sitting in- what he assumes is- the waiting room with her legs crossed. She's facing the camera, giving Lanie a shy, nervous smile.

The next message says that Beckett could use his support, and that he needs to get his ass there now.

He is in no condition to go to a doctor's office.

Beckett may really need him though. She's been very accepting to their new relationship boundaries and could very well need some wise words from the word master. Okay, okay, for Beckett he'll go.

Across the hall, Cara has Alexis and he calls over and asks her to watch his daughter for another hour or so while he goes to see a friend.

Grabbing his phone and keys, he heads out to support Beckett like the good friend he is.


Castle finally makes it to the address Lanie texted him, but the nurses won't let him back to Beckett's room so he can support her. He tries to explain that he's here because that's what friends do and he's determined to be the best friend she's ever had, but they won't budge.

Instead, he sits in the waiting area, tapping is finger on the arm rest incessantly, ignoring the other women that are in the room with him. The secretary manning the front desk is a no nonsense kind of secretary, but nonetheless he tries to charm her into letting him back in Beckett's room one more time.

"No one is allowed back there in the examination room, Mr. Castle."

How did Lanie get back there then? Did she say she was her doctor? That's what he would've done.

Since he can't do that, he waits. Castle plants his butt in the dirty blue chair in the waiting room, with the too-bright lights, and the vending machine that takes your money but doesn't give you your snack. He waits and waits.

He flips through the magazines that are on the table next to him, the ones Ryan is always saying he's read. His head is fogging; he can't remember why he came. The only thing he knows is that he wants to see Kate.

Oh, Kate.

The head nurse steps away and he subtly slides down in his chair until he reaches the ground. Castle crawls until he can get past the desk and duck into the next room where he rests his forehead against the door.

"What the hell are you doing in here?" A man yells from behind him.

He turns to see… wait. Huh?

Will Sorenson is standing in the room with him, eyes burning a hole through his head. "H-hey, Sorenson. Funny meeting you here."

"Yeah, funny that."

"What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing, Castle. Last time I checked you needed permission to be back here." Will takes a step toward Castle, using interrogation techniques against him in an attempt to make him nervous.

He smirks, getting to his feet and taking a step toward him too, but making sure his step is wider. "Well, rules are meant to be broken," he smirks.

"I arrest the idiots who think that," Sorenson says, hands shoved in each pocket. "Are you drunk, Castle?" he asks, brow raised and face pinched.

"I may be slightly inebriated. That doesn't explain what you're doing here, though."

"Why do you think?" he takes a seat on the chair in the corner, takes his time getting comfortable before answering Castle's question. "I'm the donor," he says so nonchalantly that Castle wants to punch him in the face. When Kate Beckett asks you to do something for her, anything to this scale or smaller, it's an honor and privilege. Not something you just shrug about as if it's not a big deal.

"Oh, makes sense. She did tell me she wanted someone who wasn't gonna be around."

"Don't be jealous, Castle. I told you before, I hooked her. And now every time she needs something, guess who's going to be the one she calls?"

"I was the first person she told about this, Sorenson. And whether you like it or not," he says, entering the man's personal space. "I actually get to be there for the kid. You…have to move around. You make an unreliable parent and that's exactly what Beckett wanted."

Castle can tell Sorenson doesn't know what else to say, he's afraid he'll say something that'll make him look stupid so he goes easy on him. Just says his congratulations, smirks and heads out knowing he hit a sore spot.

Why did she have to choose Will of all people?

He wants another drink, but he has to pee so that's probably not a good idea. He didn't even bring any with him just in case because the last thing he needs is Beckett noticing he's a few sheets to the wind and kicking him out.

Finding Kate Beckett proves to be super easy when he sees Lanie leaving her room. Waiting a moment before going in, he smooths his hair down, trying to make it look less like he's been running his fingers through it and more like he's a civilized human being. Tucking in his shirt and fixing his collar, Castle taps on the door before sticking his head into her room with his eyes closed.

"Hey, Beckett," he greets with a Godfather accent.

"Castle!" Beckett exclaims her eyes lighting up when he steps in the room, surprised to even see him here. "What're you doing here?"

"A little birdie told me that you were here. I thought I could lend some support. You know, 'cause we're frrriendsss."

Beckett cheeks flood red and she covers her smile with her hand. "Castle, you can open your eyes."

Castle had expected to see her in regular clothes, but when he opens his eyes Beckett is sitting on an examination table in a hospital gown.

"Only you can make that outfit sexy."

She blushes, ducking her head down and crossing her arms over her chest. Biting her lip, she glances up at him from under her lashes. "Are you drunk, Castle?"

"What? Why does everyone keep asking me that?"

"Everyone?"

"Oh, yeah! Ran into your…donor." Beckett finds his eyes, nodding once slowly and unfolding her arms. "Were you going to tell me?"

"If you asked."

Giving a soft hum, he begins pacing around the around. Messing with the doctor's chair before stumbling across medical devices on the counter.

"What the hell is that?" When he faces Beckett again her head is down, hands on her stomach. And he sobers up a little, reminded of why she's here. He can only imagine how nervous she is, how scared. She's been so adamant about doing this that now that it's here, her thoughts must be running rapid "How are you doing?" he asks, turning away from the device sitting on the counter.

Tilting her head, she shrugs. "I'm fine."

"You don't seem fine."

"It's nothing."

"Nah uh, nope. Not nothing. Nothing is a very good friend of mine and this is not nothing."

She puffs out a breath as she rolls her eyes. "Maybe I'm nervous."

Castle places a gentle hand on Beckett's shoulder and leans down to get close to her face. "It's okay to be nervous." After a moment he continues speaking, his hand rubbing soothing circles on her back. "In fact it's good. It shows you care about your child and your health. And that makes you a better mother. You don't have to worry about anything. Your child is in great hands."

"I'm not a mom yet."

"But you will be. Soon. And I have no doubt that you'll never be anything less than extraordinary."

Turning away from his pining gaze, Beckett whispers a "Thank you," smiling bashfully.

"Of-of course. That's…what friends are…for." His heart cannot handle her smiles. He wishes this moment would last forever because when she's looking at him with such gratitude and oh gosh, something he's probably imagining, he wants nothing more than to tug her close, wrap his arms around her, and connect their smiles together.

"You should probably go," Beckett suggests after a long moment, gesturing towards the door. "The doctor will be back soon and I don't want you in any trouble."

"How come Lanie gets to be in here?" he whines, his brow furrowed, lips settling into a deep pout.

"Lanie snuck in here too and I'm also kicking her out. Thanks for coming, though," she smirks. "I really appreciate it."

Opening the door Castle looks back at the woman on the table and gives her a small smile. He steps out a second later, but when he does, he leaves his heart behind.


On the other side of the wing he sees Sorenson talking to the doctors through the window where they usually tell you to drop off your urine sample. He gives him the stink eye, but says nothing as they walk past each other.

He's so angry at just seeing his face that his bladder starts to protest, reminding him that he's been holding it long enough. Castle ducks inside the bathroom that says "Patients Only: Men's," and locks the door. This one is closer and if he doesn't go soon, his bladder will explode.

In the bathroom, his mind circles back to Sorenson being the donor. Why did Beckett choose Will? He honestly wants to know, because if it was a decision based on looks then, wow Beckett, really? He makes such a better candidate. He's way more reliable: his job can be done from anywhere, he's great with kids, he can financially support the child, and he actually has feelings. Something Sorenson isn't capable of even understanding. Why, why, why him?

Unzipping his pants and leaning his head against the wall, Castle angles himself to shoot straight in the toilet; it's a skill he's secretly proud of, especially in his current state.

The relief he feels in his abdomen cannot be described. The pressure is gone, and he almost feels like himself again.

The water in the sink takes a while to heat up, so as he lets the water run, he looks around, finding a medium sized container sitting inconspicuously on the counter. Castle picks it up, twisting it around until he can make out the writing on the label. Squinting, he sees Sorenson's name written in thick, black, choppy letters.

Castle just doesn't think Sorenson was a good person to choose to be the donor. Why would anyone want a mini him running around? But he has to leave it alone, right? What's done is done. Beckett made her decision and he won't go crawling back to the examination room begging her to choose someone more capabilities. Himself. He respects her decision, he doesn't agree, but he respects her choice. But come on, the guy didn't even screw the cap on correctly!

Why would he leave his, ahem, stuff in here? Is there anything even in it?

Opening the cap the rest of the way, he looks inside.

Eww. Bad decision. The snot-like substance moves around loosely, too easily, and Castle wonders if Sorenson added water to it to make it seem like he produced more than he really had. Like maybe he didn't have enough to get Beckett pregnant. That thought alone makes him so angry, his blood starts pumping a little faster.

Slamming the sample down, Castle misses the ledge of the counter by half an inch, and the open container goes pouring into the sink.

"Shit!" He scrambles for the cup, burning his fingers under a spray of scalding water, only to find the water-to-sperm ratio not in the balance he needs: water five, sperm zero.

He doesn't even have to time to dwell on how screwed he is, because seconds later, someone's knocking on the door. "Hello? Is someone in there?"

Sorenson.

"Just a minute!" he yells back, raising his voice to sound like a woman's, realizing how stupid it is a second later.

Is this really happening?

What the hell is he going to do?

Beckett's going to hate him. He'll really never see her again unless he can somehow find a way to turn back time. And he needs to do it in the next twenty seconds.

Sitting slumped against the door with the empty container in his hand, Castle bows his head. He's prepared to say a prayer and admit his defeat when an idea strikes him. It's stupid, it's bad, but it's all he has. They're expecting a sample.

Undoing his pants, he takes deep breaths to calm himself; Castle's determined to fill the container again.


He can't breathe.

No, literally. Air is not flowing through his lungs anymore.

Popping his eyes open, he finds Alexis standing over him with her hand clamped around his nose. She smiles like she has a secret to share with him.

Taking a deep breath through his mouth, he says good morning to his daughter. He removes her hand from his nose, realizing then that he's on the living room floor. It takes a moment for the disorientation to disappear and the pounding headache to surface. It hits him all at once, like someone filled a sock with coal and went to town on his head. His body isn't fairing much better; his muscles are sore, aching at the joints. It's hard to move, but Castle manages to sit up at least, only to have the light beaming in from the window end up directly in his eyes, blinding him momentarily.

Alexis gives him a slobbery kiss on his cheek and runs in circles around him. He smells apples faintly and the smell makes his stomach boils as if he's eaten the fruit rotten. This is, by far, the worst hangover he's ever experienced. The room is spinning, he's unable to focus on anything particular, they just float about the room. Closing his eyes, he swallows to avoid puking, but the having Alexis run around him doesn't help his condition any.

Turning, he sees his mother is standing in the kitchen mixing up a bowl of what he assumes is hot cereal for Alexis. But the expression she's wearing is one of anger, disappointment.

What the hell happened last night?

"Morning, Richard."

Castle stands, groaning the entire way. "Come on, pumpkin." Taking a breath to steady himself, he bends to pick up his little girl, bringing her over to the window to close the blinds and block the sun. Continuing to the kitchen where breakfast awaits Castle says, "Good morning, mother."

With Alexis in his arms, he feels heavier and has to watch his feet with every step he takes. It's almost like he's on a boat, rocking back and forth, his weight being tossed around effortlessly.

"I thought you said you'd never get like this again, now that Alexis is yours."

"I know, I know. I can't even remember anything. And my head is throb-"

Martha sets a cup of coffee down in front of him, the steam beckoning him. She's made it with extra cream and no sugar, perfect for his headache. "Thank you," he sighs, extra grateful for his mother. When he lifts arm to bring the rim of the mug to his mouth, he begins to smell all the dirty, dried sweat sticking to his skin. It's vile, like he went diving in dumpsters and wanted to bring home leftovers.

Oh, the thought of a shower, a long, hot shower, is too enticing to pass up. The heat, hopefully will steam the last of the alcohol out of his system.

"You know, darling, I just want make sure that this was just a slip up. You haven't indulged like this since before Beckett. You came home last night spouting crazy nonsense."

"I remember the poker game. I was drinking at the poker game and I went…somewhere. I think I saw Beckett. We might be… yeah, I really can't remember anything."

Martha takes Alexis and sits her in the high chair – they'll have to get her a new one, she's getting way too big for that one - letting her spoon feed herself.

"You're lucky I was home, kiddo," his mother continues, flapping a hand at him while she pours herself a cup of coffee too. "Cara can only watch the girl until nine, you know that. And yesterday was payday."

Castle rubs his forehead. He's disappointed in himself. "I'll talk to her."

"You want an aspirin?" Shaking his head, he takes a cautious sip of the scalding coffee. He still burns his tongue, but it takes the pressure off his head slightly. "What about last night? Anything coming back?"

"No. I haven't been like this since college. The last thing I remember clearly is the poker game."

"That explains what you were talking about when you came home then."

"What was it?"

"Something about a trade. You kept saying something about a trade. I wasn't listening, really. I was trying to get you to bed, but you were too heavy so I left you."

"Thanks, mother."

"Anytime, darling." She winks at him over the rim of her mug.

Even talking is feat and he doesn't want to put too much thought into the things his mother says.

"I'm gonna go shower." He sets his mug down on the counter before kissing Alexis on the cheek as he walks past, the thought of a shower too invigorating to pass up. Let hope he doesn't puke in there though, because he might not have the energy to clean it up.